My parents were OAD by choice, his not so much. We both had fulfilling childhoods. As an adult I am sometimes jealous of my friends who are very close with their siblings, but other people I know aren’t super close with their sibs?

We have a 3yo daughter who is the coolest funniest kid in the entire world and we are very fulfilled. If one of us had a sibling who lived close by and they had kids i think we would feel very confident with OAD. We both are strongly leaning that way, but neither of us know what it’s like to have siblings and we worry that our daughter won’t really have the cousin experience that we did. Most of our friends with kids have multiple so it’s not like they are looking for solidarity with OAD. When I was growing up my best friend was an only child and that helped me a lot.

We live in a suburban apple pie neighborhood with tons of kids and young families so she can socialize there in addition to school and her dance class. I grew up in a remote area so that also made me more isolated.

My partner and I both work full time and I am also in school. I do not want to let that factor into my decision making and we promised school would not get in the way of what we want for family, I can put school on pause.

When we think of having another… we’re like hmm… life is so good right now! We do what we want basically, have fulfilling careers, and don’t really HAVE to sacrifice. Our house is the perfect size, we have a great kid…

We want to decide whether we’re going to be OAD or try for another sooner rather than later. If we have 2 i don’t want a GIANT age gap… I also would prefer not to be dealing with a baby in my 40s.

Anyway just here to post my thoughts since I don’t know anyone else in this situation. Would love to connect with other only children with only children.

My husband and I (both 36) have a one year old. We always said 1-2 kids depending on how things are going with the first one, definitely not more than 2.

My heart can't imagine that this was my last baby (and my last breastfeeding journey), but my head says something different and sees enough reasons not to go for a second one:

- ideally we would have to move, we have a spare bedroom but it has become our home office, and we have very little storage room. I do like our neighborhood, so for me my only option would be to buy a bigger house in the same neighborhood

- apart from one pair of grandparents that live one hour away (theoretical time without traffic jams), we don't have a village to raise the children so everything falls on us

- my husband still wants to work on his career, I don't think I am that ambitious anymore but I would still like to have some intellectual stimulation in my job and some financial independence

- my first one is not a great sleeper, I don't know if I can do that again

- suspected neurodivergence and sleep deprivation combined seemed to be a deadly combination that didn't allow me to keep my job (honestly, it probably only made things go downhill faster, the job was not for me), adding another child in the mix would rob me of my few quiet moments left on top of this

- I hated pregnancy, even though it wasn't a particularly problematic one

- less time for my husband and me

My motivations to still want another child:

- Having my first gave me more purpose than a job ever will

- about the work and sleep deprivation: I thought the same before my first pregnancy and one way or another we're surviving, so we'll probably survive it again

- I suppose the next one is easier despite having less quiet moments, you already know what you're doing. In that sense one and done would feel like learning the job and then already quitting 😄

- as mentioned, I have the feeling that I'm not finished having babies yet. I can't convince myself to sell my pregnancy clothes and the baby stuff we don't need anymore at the moment

- I would love to discover how another baby's character would develop (would probably make me see how little impact my parenting has 😄)

My husband is an only child himself and is happy about it, he is behind the idea of a second baby if I want to but it's not a necessity for him. I see both pros and cons for my first to have a sibling. For age difference, I'd rather have them some years apart so that the oldest one is more independent, but I have to look at my age too.

Hey all. I'm turning 41 this year, had my first baby at 39. Took that long to find a partner I felt I could do life with. We've been talking about having another, and I know my partner wants another, but I'm still on the fence. I know I'm getting older, and my first pregnancy wasn't the greatest experience (nausea the whole time, gestational diabetes needing 4 insulin injections daily). My partner is great with our little girl, but he can get worn out and overstimulated pretty quickly and often enough that I worry having a second child will make it worse. He also wants to have a second so that our first isn't lonely. But she has cousins close by to play with (not the greatest influences, but I'm hoping we can make issues there teachable moments). Our daughter is 19 months, and she can get jealous of our pets sometimes if they're getting attention and she's not. So I wonder how it would affect her having a whole other smaller human.

So I guess my question is, what helped you decide to have another geriatric pregnancy and 2nd child if you were unsure? And how did it pan out if you decided you did want to have another? (Or even if you decided you didn't want another, did you have regrets?)

Thank you for your time.

I'm 38 and struggling with whether to continue trying for a second child.

We got pregnant with our first easily, but trying for a second has been much harder. We've already been through 5 IUIs, and I'm at the point where I'm trying to decide whether to keep going or close this chapter. The hard part is that there are no guarantees. We could continue trying and still never have another child.

The biggest thing holding me back is that life has finally become manageable again. My child is older, I have more time for myself, and I finally feel like I'm getting my body and identity back.

I had a very difficult pregnancy and a rough postpartum experience. I didn't feel like myself again for about two years. I also get overstimulated with one child and sometimes wonder if I could realistically handle two.

At the same time, I worry that years from now I'll regret not continuing to try or not doing everything I reasonably could for a second child.

I feel caught between the two. Part of me wants to keep trying, and part of me wants to fully close the door and move forward as a family of three. More than anything, I want to make a decision and feel at peace with it instead of living in this in-between state.

For those who were truly on the fence, how did you decide? If you stopped trying, do you have regrets? If you continued, was it worth it, regardless of the outcome?

I am a father of a three year old son and my wife and I accidentally conceive another. Though the pregnancy of the first one was smooth, the post delivery phase has been harsh on me. I literally bottle fed the baby for 8 months straight every single night, changed it's diapers and went to work in the morning to help my wife recover. I lost 8 kgs in 8 months and a lot of hair, lost focus on my career for a good one year.

Ever since until then my wife really hasn't stepped to taking care of him, doing school drops etc. We live in Asia so we have a nanny who cooks while I handle a more stressed job than before, manage household stuff grocery runs, school runs and I'm burned up before it's even Monday.

My wife wants to keep this second one and I've been honest about the support I've got in raising this one and I cannot commit to doing the same for the next one with a job and the first one at stake.

Let me know your thoughts on whether I'm overthinking this.

My husband wants another child and I’m honestly so conflicted.

Part of me feels like I should want another because I always pictured 2 kids. My husband wants our son to have a sibling so he doesn’t have to go through life alone. I get it. But I also don’t know if that’s a good enough reason to bring another whole human into the world.

I actually like our life right now. One kid feels…easy? Or at least manageable. We have our routines, we can still breathe financially, and life doesn’t feel like complete survival mode anymore.

For context, I’m the oldest of 4 and was parentified a lot growing up. Our house was chaotic. My parents were stressed, money was tight, and they ended up divorcing when I was 18. I used to literally wish I was an only child because everything always felt so overwhelming.

Now as an adult, I’m terrified of recreating that.

Financially we’re okay, but we also have student loans, debt, and life is expensive. Another child feels like one more thing that could push us from comfortable to stressed.

And if I’m being REALLY honest…I already feel like the default parent a lot. My husband is a great dad, but if someone doesn’t feel like doing bath time, bedtime, cooking dinner, or keeping track of everything, it usually falls on me. With one kid, I can handle it. With two? I’m scared I’ll become miserable.

My brain also goes to dark places like, what if another kid strains our marriage? What if I lose myself? What if I secretly end up happier with split custody because at least I’d get a break sometimes? And then I feel awful for even thinking that.

We’re still in baby/toddler mode and once we pack up all the baby stuff, I honestly can’t picture starting over.

I’m worried my husband will resent me if we stop at one. I’m worried I’ll feel guilty my son doesn’t have a sibling. I’m worried I’ll regret another child. I’m worried I’ll regret not having one.

Did anyone else feel like this? How did you figure out if you truly wanted another kid or if guilt/fear was driving the decision?

TLDR: Husband wants a second child. I like our life with one, worry about finances, being the default parent, repeating my childhood, and potentially hurting my marriage. Scared I’ll regret either decision.

Needing some advice/perspectives in helping me sort through my thoughts/feelings. Before I start, both my husband and I attend therapy and have been having ongoing discussions about this topic. We both are tentatively on the same page and he has been incredibly supportive, but I am just looking for advice/personal experiences/etc.

Here’s the situation:
I (30, female) had my first baby girl in February of this year. She is so great and we love her so much. My husband (41, male) has two sons (9 and 6) from a previous marriage who we have most of the time. They are also wonderful and we have a really healthy blended family. They both are great big brothers to their sister and are excited to see her when they come back from their mom’s house.

I found out after our daughter was born in February that I have a unicornuate uterus and it may be harder to conceive/keep a pregnancy in the future if we should try for another. Our daughter had a growth restriction during our pregnancy and we had bi-weekly fetal monitoring, but she was otherwise healthy despite being small. Knowing the potential risks with pregnancy under these circumstances and given my husband’s age, we are meeting with my OB to talk through safety/risks soon.

Some background/insight: My husband thought he was done after his two boys, but after we met/got engaged he knew that I would likely want to have a child together and he was supportive. He has been great to our daughter and has said he is happy that we decided to have another. When we talk about the possibility of having one more or being done with 3, he continues to be supportive and willing to try for one more. Given his age, he has expressed wanting to try faster than we may have with other circumstances as he wants to be able to be as active and present with this potential child as he has been for his boys and our daughter.

My question/worries: I am worried about cheating my daughter out of her baby/toddler years by having another one too fast. I am trying to figure out if I am being selfish by pushing through with trying/having another child because I want one rather than considering the perspective of my husband, my stepsons, and our daughter.

Other considerations: We have not talked with my bonus sons about how they would feel about having another sibling, we are waiting to get all of the information with our OB and sorting out our own thoughts/feelings. We haven’t nor will we start trying to have another until my body is healed from the birth of my daughter — these are just future considerations we are trying to work through now to be able to move forward with some idea of a plan.

Sorry for the long ramble — any insight or thoughts/follow-up questions would be so helpful.

Thanks!

Apologies for the length ahead of time, I just need advice.

My husband and I have been together for over 15 years. We are high school sweethearts and started trying for a baby in early 2020 after almost a year of marriage. This resulted in me being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder, multiple miscarriages, fertility treatments and years of struggles before we finally found the reason for my fertility struggles. I underwent surgery to remove a large fibroid (through cesarean means) as it was too large for them to go through laparoscopically.
Less than a year later I was pregnant and had my son. Pregnancy was insanely easy, no symptoms, health issues, etc but I did have to have a planned cesarean due to the previous surgery.

I’m now a SAHM of a two year old and in a state with no family to help. We co sleep, he’s attached to my hip, I’m on tretinoin for acne, GLP-1’s to help me lose weight and aside from the typical toddler struggles, I love the ease of my life. I love being able to do things with my son whenever I feel like it, get up and go to a store or park, sleep pretty much 7-8 hours a night with minimal waking, doing things to my body (like the above mentioned, Botox, tattoo’s, vain stuff I suppose). My husbands job is very demanding, but when he is home he is very hands on and a great spouse/father. Financially we are doing fine, which is a huge blessing in this day in age, and have been able to do light travel and make plans for more so our son can experience things that we didn’t get the chance to do when we were little (or even as adults). The things I have said above are extremely selfish on my behalf, I know. But I also want my child to never have to grow up worrying like we did. I want to spoil him, go to all of his events, be apart of his school stuff, buy him things because we can afford it and go adventure the world because with one, we can.

I have had one miscarriage since my son, but it was a chemical (super early). I found out I was pregnant a few days ago and the line is only getting darker. I always wanted at least two, my husband would be okay with a baseball team, but now I’m not sure I want more than the one I have. I don’t want to start all over again, give up the things that make me happy for the pregnancy and breastfeeding journey, and possibly not fly out to see friends and family for god knows how long because I’m not flying solo with a toddler and infant. But at the same time, I loved being pregnant, the newborn, the idea of my son having a sibling if something happens to us and know that the struggles of two little together is so temporary. My son is my everything though. He always wants me to play with him and at the end of the day, vanity aside (can you tell this is a big thing for me? 🙄), I don’t want him to have to share my attention. I struggle with the idea of loving another baby as much as I love him. I have read so many posts where people say that your love grows and the first born will be fine, but I genuinely cannot wrap my head around the fact that I’d have to love another human the way I love this one.

I just need advice or stories. I am still very early, so I have teetered on the idea of terminating.

Edit to add: I did suffer from post partum OCD and anxiety. I don’t know if I can handle the constant thoughts of “did they make it through the night” or the teaching them to eat (was constantly terrified of choking incidents that never happened).

31F and 30M with a 2.5yo and a 5mo. I am the sole breadwinner, he is a stay at home dad. My salary is 120K, and he wants to go back to work when our youngest in 4k, whenever that may be. Once all our kids are in school, our income should jump up to approx. 200K. By the time I'm 50, our salary will likelyl be close to 300K. But this is an estimate. I live in the US but have EU citizenship, so our kids have the option to go to college low-cost/free if they go abroad. Both my pregnancies were fortunately uneventful, and I had one induced birth with an epidural and one spontaneous birth without.

Both of us have a feeling that we're not done. We have a lot of love to give and would like to grow our family. But we're also worried that by adding a third, we'll create an uneven number-is one kid going to constantly get left out or feel excluded? My solution was to have four. That way if two are fighting, they each have another person to turn to. But a fourth would delay my husband returning to work and therefore our second income. And there's also an increased risk of birth defects or pregnancy issues with each subsequent pregnancy. So part of me thinks I should just be happy about the two I have. My husband is worried about cost-can we still go on vacation as a family of 5 or 6? Pay for their extracurriculars?

Hoping to hear from people with 3 or 4 kids what your financial situation is like and how your kids interact. Did you experience an odd one out with 3? Is 4 way too may to give them the time they need?

Any thoughts are appreciated!

I'm 32F my husband is 33M we have 2yo and 3.5 year old boys. I had a traumatic birth with my first son and have suffered physically ongoing as a result. I can't get the surgeries I need done until I decide i'm finished having kids. We had a surprise pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage last December, I was genuinely so excited to be having one more despite the shock.

I have so much swirling around in my mind I'm struggling to sort it all out and come to a decision that makes sense for our family. Some things on my mind:

- I will have to delay my surgery/treatment

- pregnancy will likely make my physical conditions worse

- I had hyperemesis with all my pregnancies. Every time I swore I would never do it again.

- I have gone back to studying my Juris Doctor part time alongside working am a bit nervous about the impact to my career and study

- my second boy is a handful and needs a lot of attention

- there are a lot of days I feel completely maxed out and like we're all just living in survival mode. Would adding more to my plate with pregnancy and a new baby make me a worse parent?

- I physically struggle to look after my kids at the moment because of my health. I can't lift them, I can't walk for long etc. would it be unfair to the kids to be pregnant again and therefore even more physically unavailable?

- I feel like we are almost out of the trenches and just starting to get some rhythm back.

But despite all of that, I can still feel this calling on my heart to have one more. Will I regret it if I don't listen to it or will I regret disrupting the flow of our current family.

My husband runs his own business, I work for the federal government with great maternity leave etc. We have an incredible daycare literally behind our house and a beautiful primary school about a 10 minute walk away. We own our own home which is big enough to accommodate another child. My parents also help out a lot with the kids.

I have a son who will be 3 in September. He is great fun but god it’s hard! I have been unpacking my traumatic birth and postpartum depression in therapy recently and it made me more on the fence than ever of being OAD. My husband is happy either way although he is also still finding the exhaustion difficult.

Our son is great! However I feel like I don’t like the labour resulting from being a mam at all! I can think of a million other ways I would want to spend my day than parenting. We both work full-time and he is in crèche Mon-Fri. And when the weekend comes I dread the lack of me-time. I think I’m on the fence about it because as someone who always imagined having a few kids, always loved babies growing up etc. I feel like I’ve failed some societal test by only being able to manage one!

Hi all! Long time listener, first time caller here.

I just feel like I have to get this out, and possibly connect with others who have felt similar?

I had always said I wanted 2 kids as I have an older brother and we hated each other growing up, but now we are homies. I thought sure, I can easily do this….

I currently have an amazing 8 month old girl. She’s pretty cool for such a tiny human, but damn those first 7 months were cooked. She had reflux and a bottle aversion, so nearly all her feeding fell onto me solely (bottle fed as I didn’t get any milk and also so we could share the workload). I managed to sort majority of the bottle aversion out and it was just reflux we dealt with, yay!

Then came the 4 month sleep regression and that in itself made me think everyone was insane for doing this more than once. What do you mean people choose to do this AGAIN?!?

And that’s when my dreams of having another kinda slipped away. The very thought of it made me physically ill, like I knew I could handle doing it again but I was so miserable until she was like 7 months old, why would I want to do it again? And would that be fair on my first child to have a mum who is just so unhappy because she’s had another baby? I barely coped this first time!

I don’t have any family near by either so it’s just me myself and I (and my husband who works long haul for an airline, so he’s not really here much)

My husband is an only child and he loved it, so he isn’t fussed, but I feel like I’m mourning this idea I had in my head. And as my LO gets older and more mobile, I’m enjoying it so much more, but at the same time, I’m sitting here thinking “I’m so looking forward to when she’s bigger and I can game more at night” or “when she’s in kindy I’ll be able to go to the movies during the day, I can’t wait”. I don’t feel like ohhh I can put things on hold for another x amount of time while I get pregnant again and have another baby. Yet at the same time, I feel so sad?

Idk if any of that makes any sense to anyone. I had my daughter thinking I’d have another, and now everyday I wake up I think “I do feel somewhat complete with just her” and look forward to these next chapters with toddler/smaller child. I get sad that what I wanted before I don’t think I could do or handle.

Can anyone relate?

My husband and I genuinely can’t make up our minds about a 3rd, and I don’t see us completely making a decision. I’m going to just get my IUD out and try for 6 months and whatever happens happens. It took a year to get pregnant with my first and one month to get pregnant with my 2nd so really is anyone’s guess if I’ll get pregnant in that window or not haha. But anyone who’s done this, through the “not caring, we’ll see what happens” process, did what you actually want become more clear at all? I’m hoping when I actually get my IUD out it’ll feel real and I’ll be excited or terrified and will then have a more clear answer 😂

I am 40 with a 4 and 2 year old. I have frozen embryos from when I was 35, but I feel like I need to make the decision now or never.

I had a very scary delivery with my second. I am scared to do it again. I’m finally in therapy now. If I didn’t have that terrible experience, I think I would be pregnant already. I had a very rare delivery complication that led to a stat section.

Pros:
My husband said it’s up to me. He tells me if I want a third we can do it and then I catch him looking longer at little babies, saying he could see a baby with our other two.

We have enough space in our house and financially can afford a third. We can fund 529s for three and pay for childcare.

While IVF is not a guarantee, we have good grades left and our previous transfers have worked. I am not worried about being 40 and getting pregnant.

Cons:
The trips I dream of to Europe as a family in 2-3 years would be a financial push. I like going on trips and with 4 it’s already outrageous and I can’t imagine prices for 5.

I am scared to deliver and be pregnant. I’m not sure it’s worth the risk again with two healthy kids at home. I also would be 41 at delivery. I can’t imagine recovery at this point if it’s not a standard delivery.

I finally have myself back after almost 5 straight years of nursing and pregnancy (nursed for almost 3 years combined). I’m back to fitness - I’m training for a hyrox. I’d need to cut back for a while if pregnant.

I don’t really thrive in chaos. My two kids are pretty chill (all things considered.. two boys, no I don’t want a girl, all my embryos are boys). We also have no help - no family, no friends to pick up the slack.. just daycare. Sick days can be hard on two working parents with demanding careers

What do you do if you’re me? No

My husband and I have a boy and a girl and are fence sitting on a third. Part of my hesitation is that since we already have one of each gender, either our daughter will get a sister or our son will get a brother and it feels like that kind of leaves the other one out. Or maybe I’m overthinking it?! In your perfect world, would you rather have 2 boys and a girl, or two girls and a boy? Are there any drawbacks to either combination worth considering? For context, my son is the oldest — he and my daughter are two years apart. The age gap would be 2-3 years between my daughter and baby #3, ideally.

Interested to hear yalls perspectives! There’s a part of me that feels like we got so lucky with getting one of each (although of course we would’ve been happy with whatever we got, I love being a boy mom and a girl mom), that maybe we should just stop here and enjoy having the “best of both worlds,” as everyone likes to say!

Does anyone here have a larger age gap between their first and second child? We have 1 beautiful 2 year old right now but we're not going to be financially ready to have another (and we definitely want another) for another few years or maybe even longer (saving up for a larger home) Feeling really sad about it because I always envisioned their age gap being a lot closer together, but of course we would rather be as ready as possible beforehand. What are some of the pros and cons you've noticed with a 3+ year age gap? Personally I was 9/10 years old when my sister was born so I have some experience with a large age gap but hopefully it won't have to be as large 🙏🏻

I 30F, and my partner 38M found out we were expecting our surprise 4th baby. We are in an extreme period of hardship. He lost his job due to mental health reasons, he’s struggling with both mental and physical health, we own a multi-residential property but the unit we currently are in is only a 2 bedroom, my work isn’t super busy right now. With all that and him claiming he wasn’t ready for another child, he begged me to terminate. I went to 2 of the initial appointments and the ultrasound and decided it wasn’t something I could follow through with. I always wanted a 4th child, and even though our situation isn’t ideal right now to me a baby isn’t disposable. He is really really angry at me for choosing to keep this baby. Claims he is depressed because of me, that I ruined his life, that I’m selfish and not thinking of anyone but myself. I feel this is the better decision I could live with but is it the right one? Is it worth risking my entire family over and being a single mom to 4?

Hi yall.

I have a chance rn to have 3 under 3. My oldest just turned 2 and my youngest just turned 1. Both girls. My husband and I definitely want more kiddos. I’m just curious how experiences are having them so incredibly close in ages. I could see it being so great in the future living in the country. We plan a ranch and horses and that world here soon. But has it proven to be too much for some? I’m nervous to have one so soon again but definitely want all my babies. We’re almost 30 and want to remain younger parents. I know my clock could be ticking to keep that goal. Any advice?

I have a deep feeling that I want to have a second kid. My first is 4.5 years old. I want my first kid to have a sibling, I have more love to give, I want to feel more complete as a family.

I had an appointment to get a blood test to check everything is good to go for conceiving, and I was not comfortable.

I feel a little excited but mostly really scared of adding a second, like petrified.

Is this normal or is it a huge sign to be one and done?

We have a 1yo (who I’m still breastfeeding and waiting for cycle to return) and 4yo. I’ve just turned 40, partner is almost 40.

We both agree we want a third. Him more so than me. But as time goes on, I feel less certain that it would be a good choice, even though I still *want* a third. Firstly, time is obviously not on my side, and we have had 4 losses previously, including a traumatic second trimester loss. If we were to have another later pregnancy loss (ie later than a CP) then that would almost certainly be the end of it. And given my age, more losses feel basically guaranteed.

With 2 kids, things feel pretty good and manageable most of the time. I’m worried that adding a third will be a lot harder than adding a second was.

We have no family support as we are on the other side of the world, although are planning to move back home next year. Even then the support would be limited as both my mum and MIL are toxic and we are low contact with them. My partner has struggled somewhat with the reality of having kids, and while I will say he has improved a lot in sharing the load, a lot of it still rests on me.

A big part of me worries about what the future will look like, what with climate change, AI, the state of global politics etc. We are lucky in that we can probably plan to defend against a lot of scenarios, but still. I guess there’s no point worrying about the future but I do feel troubled to bring more children into a world that currently feels like has a precarious future.

Anyway, just needed to get my thoughts out somewhere. Advice or thoughts from those in a similar boat welcome.

I am feeling so torn on this decision and I could use perspectives from all sides. Of course, I have all the standard concerns of going from 2 to 3 – the finances, freedom, chaos, hardship on the body, losing sleep, etc etc. The bottom line is a third would not break us in any of those ways, but it would be challenging, push our goals out, and be extremely hard on my body. Our current situation is GOOD. No money concerns, career progressions, starting to find time for hobbies again, focusing on friendships, my hot body is finally back (lol!) and life is starting to feel manageable again.

We have a 5 year old girl and a 2.5 year old boy. They are perfection. I adore our dynamic. My daughter is classic big sister and would love a baby and another sibling. I actually think she would be an asset and another sibling would meaningfully improve her life in the short-term and long-term. My son would probably be mad to share mom but would also thrive as a middle child. He’s a happy, charming, easy-going kid and finds joy in anything. My husband wants more and is a total saint. He is a hands-on, involved father and supports my decision either way. His stance is – yes it would be harder, but would we ever regret another child?

So it comes down to me. I LOOOOVE being a mom. It’s the greatest joy of my life. I am also a Type A perfectionist with major anxiety. I like my house clean. I like to workout daily. I like being the mom at the park with the effortlessly cute outfit. I like knowing how my day will go and scheduling and meal planning and being on top of work. So in some ways, I feel like the very neat 2 kids of each gender fits me perfectly. On the other side, I kind of want to blow it up. I WANT to be that mom with 3 kids who doesn’t care and lets things go. I really admire those moms with a lot of kids who seem unbothered and truly just content with their chaos. I don’t really want another pregnancy or another baby, but having another kid sounds really fun. I have 1 brother and had an amazing childhood, but the complexity of a 3 kid family fascinates me. You double the number of siblings your children have!

I guess I’m feeling like the decision is coming down to my own identity. Do I feel the need to prove that I can handle it? Do I need to be that “above average” (hello perfectionism) mom? Or do I actually want that extra human? (I think I kinda do, but I’m also scared of everything that comes with it) All of my reasons not to seem so vain and surface level, I fear that I'm going to regret not going for it when I'm older.

If you got this far, thanks for listening to my unhinged rant. This has been swirling in my brain for months and I’m not totally sure if it even makes sense. Thanks in advance for any advice!

I’m heavily contemplating a 3rd, I have 2 boys almost 4 and 2.5, they are 18 months apart and honestly best buds. If I do have another, is that just asking for the youngest to be left out (especially if a girl)? We’d be looking at 3-3.5 years between potential baby and my current youngest. We’re maybe going to try for 6 months and what happens happens since we can’t make up our minds.

The gap is my biggest hang up. I don’t want the youngest to always be left out. I’m a SAHM and these two boys home every day playing together brings them both so much joy. If I had the third, my other 2 would be at school every day for most of the third’s aged 2-5, meaning no play mate for them. (A 4th is for sure out of the question) I’m sure I’m overthinking this but that just feels boring for them, knowing how much my two boys love playing together all day every day.

I don’t know! Anyone with similar ages have thoughts? I know a 3.5 age gap isn’t too uncommon, but I just wonder since the other 2 are so close…..

I read a ton of posts on here when I was fencesitting myself, so I figured I’d share the experience of going from solidly one and done, to debating a second, to having a second.

My oldest is 4.5 years old. He was colicky from the start, and even as a toddler was very clingy and fussy. I also had really bad PPA that was probably made worse by me constantly googling to try and figure out why my baby was so damn angry all the time. Up till 3 years old I was 100% one and done. I even got rid of all our baby stuff(whoops). But at 3 and a half, my husband asked if I would think about having a second. My first thought was no way. Thinking about the newborn days filled me with fear. But I wanted to be fair to my husband and give his idea a chance. So I just started imagining what it would be like to have a second, the good and the bad. And it made me realize that we were very different people than we had been when we first began our parenting journey. We had learned to communicate our needs better and work together to tackle the hard days. I had also learned to recognize the anxious thought patterns I’d had with my first, and was much better at handling my anxiety. So even if my second was just as difficult I thought we would handle it a lot better. Once I let go of all the fear I realized I did want another baby. I didn’t want to be totally done with the baby/toddler stage just yet.

So now I have a 4.5 year old and a 9 month old. And I won’t lie it has had its difficulties. My baby didn’t sleep more than two hours at a time once for the first 7 weeks. But I’m actually enjoying my time with him so much, rather than constantly being worried. The sweet baby cuddles hit differently when you have a four year old and you‘ve seen how fast they grow and change. It also helps that parenting is kind of second nature at this point. I’m not googling why he’s having blowouts or how to give him a bath because I remember from the first time. And I know this isn’t guaranteed for all the fence sitters out there but my second is such an easy baby, other than not sleeping for long stretches. He’s one of those who can actually be put down drowsy but awake and just go to sleep. And he’s almost never fussy.

I also was worried that I wouldn’t be able to give my oldest enough attention after having a baby. And while it has been a balancing act, I think that it‘s going really well. We have a routine of quick things I‘ll do with him to connect, like playing Legos, reading a book, or watching a movie together. I also think it’s helped him to mature in some ways. Before this kid was like a ping pong ball, constantly bumping into us, knocking things over etc. He‘s diagnosed adhd so that’s not a surprise. What has been surprising has been how much self control he’s developed around the baby. He moves at top speed 24/7, but hasn’t had an issue walking carefully around the baby or moving to a different area of the room to get his gymnastics moves out.

I spent many years working retail so I’d describe the difficulty levels like this- two parents one kids is like your average day working retail. Some difficulty, some slow moments of downtime. Two parents two kids, is like working a weekend. Busy, but doable if you work together. One parent two kids is like working black friday. Sometimes a little chaotic, sometimes a lot, and you have to plan really well if everyone’s going to get their lunch break. The chaos can be kind of fun though.

My partner (43m) and I (32F) have a 9month together and he has a 5 year old with his ex.

I really want to have one more child, deep in my bones I yearn for it. I have always wanted 2. He has known this since we met and before got together.

For context- his first lives 4 hours away (one way) and we don’t get to see him as much as we’d like to. We do our best as we want our boys to have a good, solid relationship.

My thing is, I have a sibling and so does he. We’ve spoken about number 2 for us and he understands why I want another (I never want my boy to be truly alone when I expire. Someone to turn to when you feel it’s something you don’t want to involve a parent in. A built in best friend and I loved having a sibling) he’s also aware that even though yes, our son does have a sibling it’s not quite the same as a live in sibling- if I were to die his son wouldn’t feel the sting as much as he’d still have his own. Not only that, but the thought of him dealing with plans, wills, closing accounts all the legal and financial things that follow a death alone…all while (presumably) grieving just hurts me so much.

So, we spoke and he said he wasn’t entirely sold on the idea of a second right now (about 6 weeks ago) but he wasn’t discounting it completely. Then, we spoke again and he said he was on the fence but ‘wouldn’t mind if the fence got taken away’ and reiterated that back to him with how I understood it which was- you wouldn’t mind if we ended up pregnant again, you just don’t want to ‘plan’ it? He agreed (this was 2-3 weeks ago)

I get it, he’s not ready yet. BUT my biggest concern is actually him continuing to say this until he gets to a point that he says ‘I’m too old to have another’. I know it hasn’t happened yet but I feel like this is how it’ll play out. I just can’t stop thinking about the potential of another baby, I’d love for my son to have a sibling, he’s so wonderful and perfect- why on earth would I not want an extension of him? Don’t get me wrong I’m not fooled into thinking or believing it’s easy and he certainly has some off days that are HARD but overall he’s a happy content little soul.

I don’t want to convince him to do it now, that’s not fair and of course he may well say in couple months let’s do this…the thoughts are consuming my brain right now and I need them to take a back seat but how??