longing for a third but it’s not logical

[u/bakecakes12]

I am 40 with a 4 and 2 year old. I have frozen embryos from when I was 35, but I feel like I need to make the decision now or never.

I had a very scary delivery with my second. I am scared to do it again. I’m finally in therapy now. If I didn’t have that terrible experience, I think I would be pregnant already. I had a very rare delivery complication that led to a stat section.

Pros:
My husband said it’s up to me. He tells me if I want a third we can do it and then I catch him looking longer at little babies, saying he could see a baby with our other two.

We have enough space in our house and financially can afford a third. We can fund 529s for three and pay for childcare.

While IVF is not a guarantee, we have good grades left and our previous transfers have worked. I am not worried about being 40 and getting pregnant.

Cons:
The trips I dream of to Europe as a family in 2-3 years would be a financial push. I like going on trips and with 4 it’s already outrageous and I can’t imagine prices for 5.

I am scared to deliver and be pregnant. I’m not sure it’s worth the risk again with two healthy kids at home. I also would be 41 at delivery. I can’t imagine recovery at this point if it’s not a standard delivery.

I finally have myself back after almost 5 straight years of nursing and pregnancy (nursed for almost 3 years combined). I’m back to fitness - I’m training for a hyrox. I’d need to cut back for a while if pregnant.

I don’t really thrive in chaos. My two kids are pretty chill (all things considered.. two boys, no I don’t want a girl, all my embryos are boys). We also have no help - no family, no friends to pick up the slack.. just daycare. Sick days can be hard on two working parents with demanding careers

What do you do if you’re me? No

[u/Puzzleheaded-Lake947]

You already have two, things are working well, you have dreams that cannot be easily met with a third. It’s not like you don’t have kids, you have two! The idea of having kids and all the wonders are often at odds with reality. Mental and physical strain, financial strain, exhaustion, all those things not only affect the experience for you but the quality of parenting for them. If you can avoid all those and thrive then do it? Bearing in mind also that the world is in very bad state at the moment too, so there’s that. But if you still think you could have a great life together then go for it.

[u/WhiskeyandOreos]

I would do it if you can overcome your fears of birth because it sounds like your heart wants a third.

I’m also fence sitting on a third, and on the days I lean “yes,” I tell myself no amount of money, no grand trip that we may have to delay or not take because we’re 5 people instead of 4, that will ever be able to replace a third child. I imagine looking back when I’m old and thinking “I’m SO glad they’re here. I’d much rather have these [insert number of years] doing whatever we could with the resources we had and we had an amazing life together.”

[u/fishtownmama]

I was once in your spot, we decided not to have a third based on logistical reasons. We both love being parents and have plenty of resources, a great village of friends and family, but when we looked at the day to day logistics both short and long term, it just would make a good thing more difficult. I was pretty devastated when we made the final decision since we both wanted a third and came from big families.

But now several years post decision (I just turned 40), my kids are 10 and 12, and I am so thankful we didn’t have a third. Both of our kids do several sports/activities and we are able to divide and conquer this easily. We have been traveling more the last few years and we say all the time how much more challenging and more expensive it would be to have a third, especially as they get older (two hotel rooms, an extra plane ticket, renting bigger cars).

I also strive to be very hands on parent, and i definitely wouldn’t have been as available as a mom if I had to split my time three ways instead of 2. I think we all would have loved having a baby around but in the end we decided to turn that longing and extra love around and poured it into our two existing children, and I do not regret it for a second

[u/TedsHotdogs]

I have 3 and I don't know how anyone has 3 and lives in a state other than chaos. 😅

I love it and don't regret my third, but it is cheerful anarchy.