r/Shouldihaveanother • u/PomegranateDry7612 • 6d ago
Age gaps for 3 kids
I’m heavily contemplating a 3rd, I have 2 boys almost 4 and 2.5, they are 18 months apart and honestly best buds. If I do have another, is that just asking for the youngest to be left out (especially if a girl)? We’d be looking at 3-3.5 years between potential baby and my current youngest. We’re maybe going to try for 6 months and what happens happens since we can’t make up our minds.
The gap is my biggest hang up. I don’t want the youngest to always be left out. I’m a SAHM and these two boys home every day playing together brings them both so much joy. If I had the third, my other 2 would be at school every day for most of the third’s aged 2-5, meaning no play mate for them. (A 4th is for sure out of the question) I’m sure I’m overthinking this but that just feels boring for them, knowing how much my two boys love playing together all day every day.
I don’t know! Anyone with similar ages have thoughts? I know a 3.5 age gap isn’t too uncommon, but I just wonder since the other 2 are so close…..
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u/Elegant_Surround1458 5d ago
I’m only 2 months in to this exact gap, but 10 out of 10 recommend.
I can’t speak to your ‘left out’ concern. But I can say the age gap made for my easiest pregnancy and easiest newborn phase by FAR! My boys are totally in love with their baby sister and she fit right in.
The older two play together and entertain each other which makes it easy to take care of her. And they don’t seem threatened by her at all. She brings out their sweetest side.
[edit] I also have 3 sisters and the age gap between the first 3 of us is pretty similar to what I have. And we are all very close - despite the age gap. So I love it and definitely recommend it!
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u/Plane_Employ_5941 5d ago
I’ve found age gap doesn’t make the difference, it’s personality driven for sure!!!!
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u/Aurora22694 5d ago
I’m the oldest and my brother is almost 8 years younger than me. He has ALWAYS been my little bestie. My sister and I have always adored him.
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u/Dramadramadrama21 5d ago
My best friend is the middle of three 18 months between her older sister and 9 years older than her younger sister. She is not close at all to her older sister but has a very close relationship with her younger sister. It’s about personality.
My husband has a brother 2 years younger and they aren’t very close (different interests) whereas his cousin who is 5 years younger is incredibly close to him they are like brothers. They have different parents & grew up in different homes but they have a fantastic bond.
What I’m getting at is personality matters, you aren’t guaranteed a relationship with your siblings and age is just a number. Besides the third might like the quite house and having a bit of alone time 😉
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u/WhiskeyandOreos 5d ago
Similar here—my girls are 2.5 years apart (they're now almost 1 and almost 3.5), which felt too close when I got pregnant with my second, but now I love it. We're considering a 3-3.5 year gap if we have a third, and I'm more concerned about having to "start over" when my girls would be almost 5.5 and 3ish. Feels like they'd both be right on the cusp of enjoying childhood at it's peak, and I'd hate for a new baby and that baby's nap schedules to get in the way of that.
But I also feel the gap concerns. Especially if #3 is a boy, is he going to feel that much more left out? I have a 3.5 year age gap with my siblings (who are B/G twins), and I really liked it growing up, so I know between #2 and #3 would be fine. But would #1 ever want to play with them? Would they ever have interests together?
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u/CatanKing31 5d ago
I wouldn’t worry so much about the age gap. I have 6 siblings, all about 3-4 years apart over 20 years. We didn’t care to hang out as kids because we were all always in very different stages. But as adults, we get along great and see each other frequently, especially so our kids can be together.
My kids are 10, 2, and 1. I believe their relationships will be fine- it’s a combination of how we help shape the way they view each other and their individual personalities. For example, 10 is very big sister and responsible, but starting the tweeny attitude phase. 2 is a crash out with an extremely soft side. 1 is our neutralizer atm but getting very vocal with screaming to overpower her big sissies lol.
10 often gets annoyed that her little sissies want to be in her room and do everything she does- we try to manage this by telling the littles that 10 needs to have her own space, and being thoughtful in not only reprimanding her when they get into teasing matches.
2 thinks she’s bigger than she actually is and is aware that 1 is littler than her so she shares without needing to be asked 🥹
1 thinks her big sissies are just the bees knees so she is constantly snuzzling up to them.
I say all that to say, if you want it, go for it. They’ll be alright!
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u/Usual_Celebration493 5d ago
We have 3 boys- older two are 2.5 years apart and then the youngest is 7 and almost 5 years younger than the big two. He’s only 14 mos but it’s been amazing so far! I’m also a SAHM and get plenty of one on one time with him which I didn’t have with my second. The big boys are obsessed with him and swear they will never get mad at him (doubtful lol). I remember trying to cook dinner when my older two were toddlers was a nightmare if my husband wasn’t home, now the big kids entertain the baby so well and they all genuinely enjoy playing together. Downsides so far are mostly logistics- baby’s nap/bedtime gets messed up by school pickups and sports. I was lugging him around as a newborn all last summer to the pool and all the summer activities. He’s super easy going though and always happy to be out and about. I can imagine it’ll be tougher when he’s an elementary kid and the big boys are young teens and no longer think he’s cool. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it though!
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u/sarahmurray20 4d ago
I’m 3 years older then my sister and 8 years older then my brother. I loved my brother and kept care of him and played with him and we would all play together!
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u/kiiwwii12 5d ago
Everyone is different and so is every kid and relationship. If I wasn’t old already I’d purposely do larger gaps of 3-4 years minimum as that’s my preference.
I wouldn’t worry about the gap. What are you gonna do? Not have a third only because of that? There may be dynamics between them that you can’t even imagine right now and you’d be surprised how beautiful they may be.