All the senior women who have had a child in my workplace have only had one and they make it seems like a dream. They're constantly traveling for work or for pleasure, make tons of money, go to a boat load of conferences and international meetings. AND they are still a mum and have a great relationship with their child. It seems like such a sweet spot. I'm 32 with a 3-year-old and I'm finally getting into the intermediate level of my career and starting to get sent to conferences and work my way up. I love my career and am on the verge of a promotion. I was on the verge of one at my last one, but got pregnant and that was quickly abandoned (I then switched jobs after 18months leave - a mat leave offered here in Canada). I feel like having another will make career progression impossible. I have no worries leaving my one kiddo with my very hands on husband, but leaving him for work stuff frequently with two kids seems cruel. He says he's fine with it, but it just seems like a lot.

I feel like having just one kid is the sweet spot for career success. Thoughts?

We go so back and forth on if we want a third baby. We have two boys almost 3 and almost 1 and my husband and I really struggle with the decision of having a third baby.

From a logistic stand point I think a third would definitely be a big change for us. Financially we can make it work, but it would be pretty tight for a while especially during daycare years. We don’t have a “village” so I think we wonder if not having that will complicate things like activities as they get older since we will be outnumbered. We would need a bigger car (but we are currently saving for that right now anyway so regardless of a third or not we will be getting a bigger car). We probably would need to get a bigger home. We currently have a 3 bed 2 bath. It works really well for us and our two kids but adding a third I’m not sure how bedroom situations would work. Maybe we could make it work for a while?

Age is another big factor. My husband is 41 and I am 36. I plan to breastfeed for a year since I did that with my current two as well. I think we just wonder do we want to go through newborn, recovery, pregnancy, and breastfeeding all over again? It just goes by so fast though, so to me it feels like such a short time in hindsight.

My heart wants a third, but I think I worry about all the changes we would need from a logistic sense to accommodate a third. I think when I get my mind out of the trenches of having babies and toddlers and think about 15 years from now, I would be so happy I went for that third. I also just love being a mom and our little family so much that I would love to add another to the mix. But I also feel like we have a lot of fun as a family of 4. And I really try to prioritize one on one time and I do worry about if a third will change that dynamic too.

So I guess my question to families are how did you decide? Are you happy with your decision? Do you ever look back and regret that decision? My heart says go for a third, but sometimes it says maybe just two is perfect too.

Edit for some more context: I want to thank you all for responding. What incredible parents you all are! I am one of 4 siblings and am extremely close to them. I watched my parents struggle with 4 kids and no help and never wanted that. I am also 100% pro choice and am a nurse practitioner who used to work in OB. I also had a high risk pregnancy that ended in an emergency c section and preemie with a case of PPA/PPD.

We are mid 30s and have a perfect 2yr 2 month daughter who is the love of our lives and center of our worlds. We somwhat unexpectedly conceived and are 4 weeks pregnant. We felt nothing but anxiety, grief, sadness, regret and shame. We want to give our daughter 110% and hate that id be “missing” part of her second and third year of life where i feel like she needs me the most. It makes me cry thinking about it. We always toyed with being OAD but lately were more open/interested in a second.

On the flip side we are healthy, financially stable, well supported, have a great marriage and know we would love this baby and rise to the occasion. Our baby would make an incredible big sister.

Questions: what do we think of a 2 yr 10 month age gap? We cant shake the feeling we were a year too early, and want at least 3.5 years. Is it possible we would feel different waiting a year or will my 3 yo daughter be just as consuming?

Is terminating because we want to wait a year a “valid” reason? Will i be full of regret and trauma?

Maybe this has also shown us we are OAD?

Struggling so much and truly vacillating between keeping and terminating.

Before having my kid, I thought I'd be OAD. But I love being her mom so much that I spent nearly 4 years on the fence. I finally accepted that I'd regret not trying (and my husband wants a second) so I got my IUD out. And promptly got pregnant the FIRST TIME WE HAD SEX.

So I'm like...super early, not even 4 weeks, and I cannot function. I'm old and have extremely low AMH so I didn't actually think it was going to happen that fast, if at all. I also have all the anxiety-related mental health issues so I'm just spiraling.

I'm terrified to ruin my relationship with my daughter and the ease and enjoyableness of our lives. My husband is a shift worker. Our house is cramped. I keep seeing horror stories about two kids being 100x the work.

Mostly, I HATE being pregnant. HATE. Between the extreme anxiety of if/when morning sickness will kick in (I'm severely phobic of throwing up), the inability to enjoy basically anything (coffee, hot baths, alcohol, massage in the first trimester, etc), and the fact that I had gestational diabetes and hypertension last time, I'm a mess. I already have no appetite because every food feels dangerous for my blood sugar or like it will increase my chances of having GD again (which is basically a foregone conclusion anyway). Having my blood pressure taken sends me into a panic so I always have white coat syndrome even at home due to the panic - I just tried to take it and my heart rate shot to 120.

I cannot do this for practically another year. Like I truly cannot. I'm also not having an abortion - but if it ends in miscarriage I don't think I'll try again. I'm on an SSRI and will be starting therapy soon but tbh I've never found therapy all that useful so I don't expect much. I'm going to try acupuncture too. And it pains me but I'm going to demand blood pressure meds at my first appointment. It makes me feel so embarrassed and unhealthy to need that but it's better than the panic and being hospitalized repeatedly like last time, only for my bp to be totally normal once they left me alone.

None of this is this possible baby's fault and I'm sure I'll regret everything I'm saying but man this is awful and I don't know how I'm supposed to do it. I think the answer to "Should I have another" should have been no, but here we are. It just feels like all I can do is suffer because there's no real solution to any of this but suffering through it.

So I need positive stories of pregnancy going super fast / adding another kid being the best choice / even how to make therapy actually helpful. Because it's been 2 days and it feels like my life is over.

I have heard many people are scared to have number 2 in regards to how it would affect number 1s life. Thats me! I would love another baby, I feel like I have so much love to give BUT my current child is my everything. What if she’s absolutely miserable because of a sibling? I see parents at the park who can’t help one kid because another one needs something. What if they absolutely hate each other? If my children hated each other would they hate me too because I’d love them both so much? A bit of a spiral but I am 80/20 on wanting another and this 20% is making me have second thoughts! I’m an only child so I have no clue how these dynamics frequently play out. Age gap would be 3-4 years

Practically, logically speaking, I know the right choice is to have one child. We have limited space, finances, I have severe mental health issues, my husband is struggling with physical issues, our village is getting older with more health problems, I don't know if I could pull off the incredibly difficult newborn stage all over again. But for some crazy reason a part of me longs for another child. There's no logic. It's just a feeling. A strong feeling though. I want to in a way "make amends" for being in such a dark place with my son his first year. I want to do it all over again in a much more present state of mind. Sometimes I feel I only have capacity for my one precious boy, but sometimes I feel I could love just one more. But my logic brain says no way it's going to work. It's a little tortuous for me, I think about this often. It's difficult for me to set it aside and think about it later, because it's so important to me and my brain is constantly seeking for resolution.

Is there anyone who resonates with some of this, how did you set the thoughts aside or come up with a plan? I kind of feel like I'm winging it all with no clear plan.

Or if you have any advice on being happy one and done.

Since a few months I've been thinking about having a second child... I'm not sure if it is the famous biological clock (turning 35 next year) or my true wish. My daughter just turned 4 and she is the brightest and sweetest child (well most of the time😂). We can have conversations and spend time together.

However I don't particularly like being a mom. Don't get me wrong - I love being her mom. But all this staying at home with a baby really weighed on me after I had her. She was a terrible sleeper and a screamer, I had some mild postpartum and overall it was not easy being at home and entertaining a baby all day. Currently I'm working 35h/week and she is in daycare. My husband works longer hours but also from home. He is as involved as possible but he sometimes needs to travel for work or work late at night/during the weekend if something is urgent (he is in sales, so everything is urgent.🙈).

I always thought I'm one and done but I'm so unsure. I imagine all the love having a second child could bring but I'm terrified of destroying my relationship with my daughter. She doesn't want a sibling (unless it is Elsa and Anna 😅) and voices this. I'm the eldest of three but we have no relationship and with my sister it is bordering on hate (our mother always compared us). So I don't want to have broken sibling / parent relationships....

Finally we are at a pretty good place right now. We can travel comfortably, do our hobbies, do weekends away alone and so on. However our daughter still doesn't sleep through the night and still wears diaper during the night. We would also need to move as we only have 3 bedrooms and we are using one as our office.

I'm scared I'm being selfish with my thoughts and unclear wishes about a second child when I could possibly loose the close relationship with my first born.

How do I even go about getting clarity on this?

I’m 5 weeks pregnant with a 9-month-old and don’t know what to do

I just found out I’m pregnant again and I honestly don’t know what to do.

I’m about 5 weeks along, and my baby is only 9 months old. I’m still in the middle of maternity leave, not working right now, and we don’t have strong savings. I’ll have to go back to work soon because of our mortgage, and the idea of adding another baby into this already feels overwhelming.

With my first pregnancy, I had complications (short cervix, needed a stitch, ended in a C-section), so I’m also worried about what a second pregnancy so soon could mean for my body.

Emotionally, I feel all over the place. Part of me thinks I should continue the pregnancy and “make it work,” but another part of me feels like I’m not ready at all and just wants relief. I am considering to terminate the pregnancy. My husband is aware of my concerns, thinks they are valid but says he will support my decision either way.

We don’t have family support here, it’s just me and my husband, and I’m already stretched with a 9-month-old. I also worry about how this would affect my ability to be a good mum to the baby I already have.

I guess I’m just looking for real, honest advice from people who’ve been in a similar situation:

\- Did you go ahead with it or not?

\- How did you make your decision?

\- Do you regret your choice either way?

Please be kind, I’m really struggling with this.

Edit:

Thank you everyone for your comments, they genuinely mean a lot to me. Reading your perspectives has really helped me step out of my own head and look at things more clearly and logically.

I feel like, after taking everything in, I’m now 100% sure about my decision. It’s not something I ever wished I’d have to face, but I truly believe this is what’s best for our family and for my child.

If you can, please send me some positive energy. I’m hoping everything goes smoothly… I’ve never been through this before and I’m feeling a bit scared.

Thank you again for being here 🤍

I am blessed with a perfect 18mo girl. The pregnancy was terrible (hyperemesis gravidarum but luckily no other complications) and my husband and I decided to be OAD.

At the time, it made sense. We work very demanding jobs in competitive fields. We want to be present parents and we want to provide a good life for our daughter.

Sometimes I feel a twinge of nostalgia for the early days, and I love seeing babies when we are out and about. But I really thought that I was okay with one and done.

Then a week ago a co-worker announced that he's going on paternity leave later this summer. He already has a son who is a bit older than my daughter. I remember that his wife had a very easy, unmedicated birth and no problems during her pregnancy.

Later that night, I cried. I think there's a mix of emotions at play. I'm jealous that his career will not be impacted as much as mine would be from this child, I'm jealous that his wife has an easy time creating children, and I'm jealous that it was a no-brainer to him to have a second kid.

I don't know how to interpret these emotions. Does this mean that I want another kid? Or am I just envious that it's an easier choice for others? Am I still processing the trauma from my difficult pregnancy?

Has anyone here been so absolutely positively one and done because their first was so difficult but went on to have another? What was your experience like and when did you change your mind?

I have a very spirited 13 month old who has given us hell pretty much from day one. He was a colic baby who had reflux and CMPA, a terrible sleeper to this day, and very emotionally high needs when he’s awake.

We love him dearly and have done our best to adjust our lives around this new reality (though I will say 0-9 months almost killed me) but I still torture myself with guilt of not wanting to do this again.

My husband could go either way, he wants him to have a sibling, I want the same for him but I know that can’t be my only reason. I also had severe PPD, failed at breastfeeding, and overall just feel like I suck at this. And a small part of me wants a redemptive experience, although I know that’s not guaranteed.

Looking to hear from people who felt similarly.

So I 33F and my husband 32M welcomed our first child via IVF in January this year. We tried for 6 years and I wanted this life so badly. I love my son with every ounce of my soul but this has been a lot harder than I anticipated. My husband is self employed and work has been crazy busy for him so I’ve been almost solo parenting since day 1, but he helps as best he can when he is home. We always said we wanted two children, I have siblings and so does he and I want that for my son, but I am struggling so much recently in what I assume is the dreaded 4 month sleep regression that I genuinely don’t see how I will cope through this, and the thought of doing it again with a toddler as well seems just hellish. My husband also agrees he has found it harder than he expected. My family are not close by, my husbands are but me and his mum are polar opposites so we do get on ok but having her around stresses me out more than doing this alone.
I feel I want a second child so my son won’t be alone since he will have no cousins to grow up with (none of our siblings are having children) or anything, but I just can’t justify that as a good enough reason. And I worry that with a second I won’t be able to enjoy my son and the life I dreamed of after everything I went through to get him here. I also don’t want to wait too long before having a second due to my age so there is a bit of a deadline for this decision.
Did anyone who made the decision to not have more while in the trenches of sleep regression change their mind later on? Or did you stick to it but regret it?

Hi! I’d love to hear about siblings with a 4 to 5 year age gap. Do you get along? Did you share a room? Did you hate that? (Ours would have to share for as long as possible). Now that you’re older do you hang out? Are you close?

I really think I might want a second, but know i can’t handle it before my son is more independant. Our country is also introducing new tax bands from 2028 that greatly help with money for families with 2 children, so i would like to wait at least till next year to be in a better spot financially.

Thanks!

we are 90% sure we want to grow our family and I am just thinking about logistically how we're going to have a 6-year-old 3-year-old and an infant and the next car we get I want to very much have for like 10 to 15 years I love love my Subaru outback I have always loved a wagon style let's say that money isn't an option but it is I don't want to spend $80,000 on a vehicle.

Hello! I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Pregnancy was fine with both, normal discomforts. Birth was difficult with both… shoulder dystocia with first and an unplanned c-section with my second. Postpartum was rough with both of them… crippling anxiety surrounding sleep/schedules.

The first year was the most difficult with both. Things gradually got easier after that of course. They both sleep completely through the night now, and only rarely do they need support for bad dreams. I love my life now… things are so much easier since I get a full night of sleep, and they are both much more independent. It’s such a joy to mother them and I get to stay home with them. It feels like someone is missing though… and I feel like I have more capacity to care for another child. I’m just scared to go through PPA/PPD again and deal with sleep deprivation. I’m not comfortable with taking medication, so both times I was completely miserable the first year. Any advice?

This is super early but just totally my personality to be a planner (probably to my detriment)

We had two under two who are now about 25 months and 3 months. They are both at home with me full time and my husband works part time from home and we are fortunate to have so much help from grandparents too.

I really wanted a third and my husband wants us to stop at our two. I am not a stay at home mom but planning to be home for 18 months and hopefully work part time until our youngest is two.

Anyone have a third in this similar situation? Our two right now are a handful but i love it! Could a third maybe be seamless? I imagine our older two playing together whereas right now I’m playing with both lol.

Our second has been easier because we are more prepared and confident and we already have all of the stuff! It’d also be nice to be done and just put things away - already can’t wait to say bye to the bassinet lol. I also had a lot of mom guilt splitting attention but feel better already about this.

Looking for brutally honest opinions! Would a third potentially cause an upheaval?

I grew up assuming I’d have two kids. It wasn’t even a decision—it was just the script. I have a sibling, and culturally, “an only child” was almost framed as deprivation. Even now, nearly everyone around me says a child needs a sibling.

But I keep questioning whether that belief comes from reality… or conditioning.

My husband and I are both ambitious immigrants in the U.S., living with background stress many people don’t fully understand—visa insecurity, little family support, constant calculations about childcare, finances, and what happens if the system shifts under you. There’s no village. Barely a safety net.

Sometimes I think if I had family nearby, or lived in a family-oriented society with stronger support (for example, longer parental leave, more communal childcare), this question might not even arise. Maybe I’d have had a second without overanalyzing it.

And that makes me wonder: am I truly one-and-done, or am I reacting to circumstances?

At my core, I’ve often felt OAD. But friends and family—many of whom are not the ones coming to help—keep asking when the second is coming because “your child needs a companion,” especially since we’re overseas and don’t have cousins around.

That argument gets to me.

But I also know sibling relationships are not guarantees. I love my sibling, but because of geography and time distance, she wasn’t my day-to-day emotional support much of my life. Friends often were. My child could build deep friendships too.

My son is already 4 years 2 months. By the time another child arrived and was old enough to really play, the older one would likely be in school and busy with activities. The idealized built-in playmate may be more fantasy than reality.

There’s also timing grief. My husband had wanted a second when our child was around 3–3.5, and honestly that may have been a good window. But I wasn’t ready mentally or financially then.

Now, after therapy and a lot of personal work, and with more financial stability, I feel more capable than before.

Yet now my husband is hesitant. During our first child, I often pushed for more equal load-sharing and voiced frustration when I felt invisible or unappreciated. He sees that as me constantly complaining; I saw it as asking for recognition and partnership. He has said he doesn’t want to go back into a spiral of “who does what” resentment, especially as he’s starting something new in his career.

And that clouds my judgment too. Am I questioning a second child… or reacting to unresolved marriage dynamics?

Career is another layer. I’m almost certain a second child would push my career back. But then I think—maybe a three-year delay isn’t catastrophic. If I had stronger career stability already, would I even be agonizing this much?

What complicates this is that I don’t naturally picture myself with two kids. I don’t dream of being a soccer mom. I dream of travel, building a meaningful career, making an impact in the world.

And I’ve seen women do all that with two or more kids and little support, which makes me feel guilty. Why am I not desperately wanting another child? Why does “motherhood expansion” not feel like a calling for me?

Sometimes I wonder if people who say no one regrets a second child are just repeating a taboo. Maybe many adapt, survive, normalize exhaustion, and call it fulfillment. That isn’t the same as thriving.

I don’t want to just survive life. I want to experience it.

Ironically, the biggest argument I have for a second child isn’t desire for another baby—it’s fear that either my husband or I might someday resent stopping at one, and that somehow our only child could be harmed by that decision.

That feels like a terrible reason to have another child.

Has anyone here been deeply conditioned toward two, but chose one anyway? Did the “you’ll regret it” fear fade?

TL;DR:

Culturally conditioned to want two kids, but as ambitious immigrants with little support, I’ve always leaned one-and-done. Now in a better place mentally/financially, I’m reconsidering, but worry about career strain, marriage strain, and whether my desire for a second is real or just guilt/conditioning (“your child needs a sibling”). My biggest fear is future regret, not lack of wanting another baby. Looking for perspectives from people who chose OAD despite pressure.

EDIT : Closing this discussion!
I finally made the decision that I am OAD and devoting my life to surround my kid with cousins and friends and fully available parents No regrets! Thank you for all your advice and support!!

I'm feeling paralyzed with indecision on whether or not to have a third child. My husband and I already have two perfect, healthy kids—a 4 year old boy and 2 year old girl. I’ve always dreamed of having three and I still long for a third. But at the same time, I’m terrified of the risks that come with having another. My biggest fear is the possibility of having a child with serious health or behavioral issues (like profound autism), which would affect our family dynamic. Or something going wrong with my health during pregnancy or delivery (maybe it is my social media, but I feel like I keep seeing horror stories about amniotic fluid embolisms, horrible infections during pregnancy, etc.)

My husband is open to having another, but he’s also perfectly content with our two kids. He’s said that if we were guaranteed a healthy child, he’d definitely go for a third, however he also agrees that it may not be worth risking our current family dynamic.  He has basically left the decision up to me and says he will support whatever decision I make. Other than this concern, we have no financial barriers, we have good family support, etc. No other reservations to having a third. 

Earlier this year I tried to convince myself that we were stopping at 2, however I just continue to long for another. We’re both in our late 30s, so it really is now or never. I just don’t know how to make this decision one way or the other and am seeking any and all advice. 

Thank you for reading. 

Apologies in advance for the brain dump, but I’m really struggling with whether or not to expand our family. My husband and I set a “decision deadline” for next year to figure out if we want baby #2, and now that it’s getting closer, I’m feeling completely conflicted.

The context: The past two years have been a whirlwind. Our son is two now, and while we love him more than anything, he was not an easy baby. He was colicky, high-needs, and has kept us on our toes ever since. We’ve also dealt with a lot of life chaos — family drama (both of us come from blended families), three moves, and major career changes for both my husband and me. It’s been beautiful, but also incredibly draining.

The part of me that wants another: Despite all of that, I can’t shake the feeling that our family isn’t complete. I’m scared that if we decide to be one and done, I’ll regret it later. Life has settled down quite a bit — the family drama has eased, we finally bought a home, and our careers are more stable. My new job even offers four months of fully paid maternity leave, which feels like the universe dangling a little “what if” in front of me.

I want to experience motherhood again — but this time from a place of calm and confidence, not chaos and survival mode. I want to see my son as a big brother and watch that sibling bond grow. Part of me truly believes we’d be better prepared this time.

The part of me that hesitates: On the other hand, I finally feel like me again. I work in senior management, run a small graphic design business, and stay active with training and home renovation projects (I’m a DIYer and redoing our home has been such a passion of mine). I always joke that I’m like Barbie — I just change outfits for whatever the day needs me to be: Corporate Barbie, Athlete Barbie, Designer Barbie, Homemaker Barbie… and of course, Mom Barbie.

My fear is that if we have another baby, all of those versions of me will have to go back into storage for a few years. Right now, with one child, I feel like I get to have balance — I get to be a mom and a person. I’m scared that if we add another, I’ll lose that balance and that spark that makes me feel like myself.

So, for anyone who’s been here: -How did you know if your family was complete? -Did you ever regret being one and done (or, conversely, adding another)? -How did you balance your identity, ambitions, and capacity with your heart’s desire?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far — I’d love to hear from anyone who’s wrestled with these same emotions.

31F and 30M with a 2.5yo and a 5mo. I am the sole breadwinner, he is a stay at home dad. My salary is 120K, and he wants to go back to work when our youngest in 4k, whenever that may be. Once all our kids are in school, our income should jump up to approx. 200K. By the time I'm 50, our salary will likelyl be close to 300K. But this is an estimate. I live in the US but have EU citizenship, so our kids have the option to go to college low-cost/free if they go abroad. Both my pregnancies were fortunately uneventful, and I had one induced birth with an epidural and one spontaneous birth without.

Both of us have a feeling that we're not done. We have a lot of love to give and would like to grow our family. But we're also worried that by adding a third, we'll create an uneven number-is one kid going to constantly get left out or feel excluded? My solution was to have four. That way if two are fighting, they each have another person to turn to. But a fourth would delay my husband returning to work and therefore our second income. And there's also an increased risk of birth defects or pregnancy issues with each subsequent pregnancy. So part of me thinks I should just be happy about the two I have. My husband is worried about cost-can we still go on vacation as a family of 5 or 6? Pay for their extracurriculars?

Hoping to hear from people with 3 or 4 kids what your financial situation is like and how your kids interact. Did you experience an odd one out with 3? Is 4 way too may to give them the time they need?

Any thoughts are appreciated!

What are your thoughts on having more than 2?? That elusive third or even fourth? My thoughts are so jumbled what better to do than spew them on the internet.. Background- we are a little younger, both 28 and have survived 2U2. I come from family of 4 but am no contact with anyone and my husband from a family of 3 who are distant but cordial (read- 0 village help). So we grew up with bigger family dynamics. Our youngest is 15 mo and I’m currently weaning which is why my hormones are so whacked up trying to decide what to do. My husband and I currently live in a very low cost of living area for the next two years before his job contract is over. My toddlers eat whatever they want whenever they want and have whatever they need without any financial strain.. and we can afford for me to stay at home with them which I love every day. I’m set to graduate with my bachelor’s next year but I wouldn’t start working again (I had a different career until 25) until we moved after my husband’s job is done. My kids will be kindergarten age by then. So the pros list are outweighing the cons as of right now but my big con is what if I have so much regret for adding another child in.. yes infants and toddlers are expensive and exhausting but so are all children as they get older. Sylvia Plath’s fig tree, I want it all, to be a SAHM in their formative years, AND have a career and own identity again one day. Please just send a light my way and share your own thoughts and experiences.

Anyone here who went for baby #2 (or #3, #4…) even though your husband/partner preferred to stay OAD? Can you give me some details? How did it turn out? Any regrets?

I don’t know what to do. I want a second child, always have, and I thought my husband does too (we discussed it pre-marriage ofc). Our daughter is 2 now, and my husband has changed his mind about another child since she was born. His reasons are that he thinks things are so amazing with our first, that he doesn’t want to risk messing it up with a second. He’s also scared the second could be born with health issues, or could be a much worse sleeper. Those are valid concerns, of course.

He also says though that he’s worried he’d regret NOT having a second, and that he loves being a father and is not worried about being a father to another child, or the extra work that comes with it. We can also afford it financially (even though he says another child might increase his fear about one of us losing their job - we both work full-time and remotely in tech). He says he’s absolutely terrified though. He told me today that today he almost had a panic attack thinking about actually having another child. He seems open to the idea, though.

I don’t know what to do. I do not want another child if he can’t overcome his fear, and I def dont want to force him be a father again if he doesn’t want that. I just wish things were different. I wish he was excited about having another child. I do think that if he managed to get over the initial fear, things could be good. My husband was insanely scared before we had our daughter as well - he even did have sort of a panic attack once before she was born, and also mentioned often how scared he is that something might go wrong, or that having a child would be horrible - all before she was born. Once she was born, all of his fears were gone and he just loved having her and has never looked back. He’s also a bigger worrier in general than me, in many ways- he always worries about the economy, his job, the state of the world, and other things (not saying I do not worry, but he’s a much bigger worrier).

If we don’t have that second child, I’m worried I’m gonna resent him for it, and won’t be able to move past it. I love him so much, but this is such a huge deal for me. I’m a 100% convinced that I WILL regret not having another child. So I feel like, there’s no right decision. We’re also both in our late thirties, so we don’t have the luxury to wait another few years to revisit.

Any advice? Experiences you can share? Thanks.

Hello, basically my baby is 8 months old and since he was born I haven’t slept more than 2-3 hours. First 2-3 months were okay he slept for 3 hours I fed him and he went to sleep pretty fast. Then 4 months regression came and oh boy it was hard, I still have pain in my hands because he was able to sleep only in my arms, I was walking and swaying for hours to put him to bed. Then the sleeping got better and the teething started now it is fucked again. Nights were bad now they are worse lol. So basically my question is, if you had a bad sleeper did you want to have another? I am so grateful there is not another baby here right know. I don’t know how we would manage 2 hours bedtime routine with another kid. If he won’t start sleeping better I don’t know if I can manage another kid. I feel anxious just thinking about going through it again. I am 33 but don’t want to wait long to have second. So any advice appreciated.

Hi. I have two kids, and I am considering a third. I have two siblings myself and have always loved the feeling of having a big family with mat people to rely on and talk too. Four seems so small somehow.

However, my oldest son has recently been diagnosed with autism. He is 4,5 years old, and is his main challenges are language and delayed developmet. He can speak some, is happy and likes people, and we have a positive outlook on his future. He can probably function (semi)independently as an adult and have a happy life. But it is challenging and a lot to follow up (speech therapy, kindergarden adjustments, medication, poor sleep). My second born is 6 months old, no signs of autism yet, but after receiving the diagnosis for my oldest son, I am worried. It’s too early to be sure.

After the diagnosis I became sceptical of having another, in fear of having several children with autism. After all, genetics of believed to be a major factor. My fear is then that I won’t have the capacity to care for any of the children, if two out of three had special needs (or maybe all three). However. I also think that is must be difficult for my youngest son to just have one sibling who has special needs. Perhaps he would have it better if he had another sibling he could relate more to and that he can talk to on another level. But ut seems like a gamble.

I’m in my late thirties and my husband is in his early forties.

Does anyone have similar experiences? How did you decide? How did it turn out?

I recently just had my second daughter in October and she has been a dream baby. sleep is not consolidated yet but overall it’s been a really nice experience.

my older one will be 4 in July and is such a great helper.

i know I want 3, but I’m wondering what the best age gap would be with my current dynamics. Husband and I both have great jobs and mine is quite flexible (lots of wfh options).

we also definitely are lucky enough to have a village helping us 3-4 times a week and some weekends ,which has been incredible.

im currently 33 and don’t know if I should go for another within the next year or space or out a few years like I did with my first two.