My parents were OAD by choice, his not so much. We both had fulfilling childhoods. As an adult I am sometimes jealous of my friends who are very close with their siblings, but other people I know aren’t super close with their sibs?

We have a 3yo daughter who is the coolest funniest kid in the entire world and we are very fulfilled. If one of us had a sibling who lived close by and they had kids i think we would feel very confident with OAD. We both are strongly leaning that way, but neither of us know what it’s like to have siblings and we worry that our daughter won’t really have the cousin experience that we did. Most of our friends with kids have multiple so it’s not like they are looking for solidarity with OAD. When I was growing up my best friend was an only child and that helped me a lot.

We live in a suburban apple pie neighborhood with tons of kids and young families so she can socialize there in addition to school and her dance class. I grew up in a remote area so that also made me more isolated.

My partner and I both work full time and I am also in school. I do not want to let that factor into my decision making and we promised school would not get in the way of what we want for family, I can put school on pause.

When we think of having another… we’re like hmm… life is so good right now! We do what we want basically, have fulfilling careers, and don’t really HAVE to sacrifice. Our house is the perfect size, we have a great kid…

We want to decide whether we’re going to be OAD or try for another sooner rather than later. If we have 2 i don’t want a GIANT age gap… I also would prefer not to be dealing with a baby in my 40s.

Anyway just here to post my thoughts since I don’t know anyone else in this situation. Would love to connect with other only children with only children.

My husband and I (both 36) have a one year old. We always said 1-2 kids depending on how things are going with the first one, definitely not more than 2.

My heart can't imagine that this was my last baby (and my last breastfeeding journey), but my head says something different and sees enough reasons not to go for a second one:

- ideally we would have to move, we have a spare bedroom but it has become our home office, and we have very little storage room. I do like our neighborhood, so for me my only option would be to buy a bigger house in the same neighborhood

- apart from one pair of grandparents that live one hour away (theoretical time without traffic jams), we don't have a village to raise the children so everything falls on us

- my husband still wants to work on his career, I don't think I am that ambitious anymore but I would still like to have some intellectual stimulation in my job and some financial independence

- my first one is not a great sleeper, I don't know if I can do that again

- suspected neurodivergence and sleep deprivation combined seemed to be a deadly combination that didn't allow me to keep my job (honestly, it probably only made things go downhill faster, the job was not for me), adding another child in the mix would rob me of my few quiet moments left on top of this

- I hated pregnancy, even though it wasn't a particularly problematic one

- less time for my husband and me

My motivations to still want another child:

- Having my first gave me more purpose than a job ever will

- about the work and sleep deprivation: I thought the same before my first pregnancy and one way or another we're surviving, so we'll probably survive it again

- I suppose the next one is easier despite having less quiet moments, you already know what you're doing. In that sense one and done would feel like learning the job and then already quitting 😄

- as mentioned, I have the feeling that I'm not finished having babies yet. I can't convince myself to sell my pregnancy clothes and the baby stuff we don't need anymore at the moment

- I would love to discover how another baby's character would develop (would probably make me see how little impact my parenting has 😄)

My husband is an only child himself and is happy about it, he is behind the idea of a second baby if I want to but it's not a necessity for him. I see both pros and cons for my first to have a sibling. For age difference, I'd rather have them some years apart so that the oldest one is more independent, but I have to look at my age too.