r/Shouldihaveanother • u/Successful_Pop9630 • 1d ago

Confused on whether I should have a second kid

I am a father of a three year old son and my wife and I accidentally conceive another. Though the pregnancy of the first one was smooth, the post delivery phase has been harsh on me. I literally bottle fed the baby for 8 months straight every single night, changed it's diapers and went to work in the morning to help my wife recover. I lost 8 kgs in 8 months and a lot of hair, lost focus on my career for a good one year.

Ever since until then my wife really hasn't stepped to taking care of him, doing school drops etc. We live in Asia so we have a nanny who cooks while I handle a more stressed job than before, manage household stuff grocery runs, school runs and I'm burned up before it's even Monday.

My wife wants to keep this second one and I've been honest about the support I've got in raising this one and I cannot commit to doing the same for the next one with a job and the first one at stake.

Let me know your thoughts on whether I'm overthinking this.

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u/NJ1986 1d ago

I can't tell if this is serious or AI since this sounds exactly like what many women experience in raising their children...but it doesn't really matter because it's not your choice whether your wife keeps the baby.

Also editing to "my wife and I accidentally conceived another pregnancy" unless she is pregnant with someone else's baby.

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u/Plane_Employ_5941 1d ago

So is your option to leave your wife or forcing her to terminate her pregnancy against her will?

Why was your wife not helping? Was she physically unable? Can you hire a baby who does 100% of the childcare? I’m assuming your wife works? What is she doing the whole day?

I guess I’m so confused… my choices would be:

  1. Get a vasectomy so you no longer have an accidental birth of a third child.

  2. Hire another nanny to raise the child(ren).