r/workingmoms • u/Cautious_Optimist_ • 20d ago
Daycare Question Daycare vs. nanny while WFH
Perspective needed. My husband and I both WFH. We’re trying to quickly decide on childcare for our first little one who will be 3 months old when we need care to start. We were originally set on finding a nanny to watch our son until he is mobile and verbal, but have pivoted to strongly considering daycare. The high cost of a nanny in our area (at least $750/month more than daycare that could be put towards a 529 or other investment account for our son to use down the road) and the thought of him crying throughout the day in the next room while we work are reasons for the pivot. Both of our jobs can be high stress with days filled with constant meetings and I already struggle hearing him cry in the next room with my husband when I’m not working - having him away from the house so we can focus on work seems more manageable. At the same time, I don’t like the idea of our 3 month old going to daycare with a 5:1 teacher infant ratio and the increased risk of him getting sick, plus some workdays are slower where I love the thought of being able to spend some extra minutes with our little one in between meetings/work tasks. My husband supports whatever I’m comfortable with doing to make sure I don’t have regrets later on. I keep going back and forth on what the right thing to do is, but need to make a decision in the next few weeks. Any perspective on other experiences with this would be very appreciated!
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u/tapper1591 20d ago
We had a nanny for 2 years and WFH in relatively demanding careers. We had a hard time finding a great fit due to our area/budget. We were paying a good wage, over the table, PTO etc. we were going to try to make it to 3/4 years old with a nanny.
The switch to daycare was a breath of fresh air. It changed the dynamic completely. We needed something dependable and out of the home. 10/10 and that’s including some minor problems with behavior etc.
There are days I (like yesterday) where I wonder if I should stay home with but I know that’s coming from a lot of outside forces pressuring ALL moms that we are doing it wrong. We aren’t. We make the best choices for our family every dang days
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u/Decent_Camel8977 20d ago
So glad it worked out for you and your family. When your kid went to daycare after being home for 2 years, how did that impact their transition to being away from home?
We have a 3 year old starting full time home daycare soon nearby while I transition to WFH and I am having mixed feelings about it
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u/tapper1591 20d ago
It was honestly very smooth! But he was a very happy 2yo we had no “terrible twos” got that at three so will obviously depend on your kid. After two weeks we had no tears at drop of consistently!
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u/Worried_Half2567 19d ago
My kid started daycare at 2.5 after being with a nanny and he’s 4 now, at the same center and loves it. I won’t lie though, the first few weeks were a tough transition for us but i’m really glad we powered through.
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u/Decent_Camel8977 19d ago
Thank you so much for your response - this gives me hope for our kid adjusting to full time daycare. Any tips that helped your son adjust? Or anything you’d do differently to make it easier? Understood that a period of transition is normal.
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u/Worried_Half2567 19d ago
Main recommendation is to not hover during drop off. Also the first day or 2 can go really well because your kid doesnt know whats going on but by day 3 they might start the full blown tantrums. Thats when you have to stay strong. And remember the daycare workers are used to it and know exactly how to calm them down but the longer your stay the harder it is for them to do their magic.
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u/loquaciouspenguin 20d ago
I absolutely cannot work with a baby at home. The maternal instinct to respond to every cry runs deep and it’s the worst to have to sit there and hear something and not be able to respond. And that doesn’t even cover how impossible it is to focus. I’m team daycare 100%.
We started my son as a baby and plan to do that with my second too (currently on leave). Friends I know who waited until a year or a year and a half to start daycare had a much harder transition because they have separation anxiety then. It was seamless with my son since he started early.
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u/Ok-Phrase1652 20d ago
I’m in the same boat! My son is super happy at daycare. When he’s home bc he’s sick and I have backup childcare, I get nothing done
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u/pantheroni 19d ago
Same here. We didn’t have a daycare spot when I went back to work with my first, so we had a nanny for about 5 months. It made the transition back to work incredibly challenging for me. When she started daycare, I felt sane again. My youngest started daycare right at 4 months and the transition was a breeze. No regrets. WFH + nanny absolutely does not work for me.
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u/Upbeat-Sundae-7510 17d ago
I had this same experience. I hated being a mom at the point in time when he was home with the nanny. I got my sanity back when he went to daycare
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u/Every_Tangerine_5412 19d ago edited 19d ago
I'm surprised no one is saying this, but assuming that OP needs a full-time nanny, that is going to cost way, way, way more than only $750/month above daycare rates.
If saving $750/month for 529 contributions and stuff is giving you pause, OP, the more realistic figure of like $3000+ more/month might push that decision over the edge.
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u/fritolazee 19d ago
Yeah my nanny was $4500/month (we did part time on the books so that doesn't even include taxes, workers comp insurance, and paying someone to do the payroll tax paperwork) and daycare was $2100.
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u/Cautious_Optimist_ 19d ago
Appreciate that perspective. We were considering shorter hours for the nanny route to keep the cost more manageable, but the reality of that being feasible with our workloads is likely not there.
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u/Snirbs 19d ago
Also the reality of finding a nanny wanting to work all week but fewer than full time hours might be tough. Don’t forget this is someone’s job and they need money too. Plus trying to minimize hours like that ends up being a difficult handoff. Like quick here’s the baby because we don’t want to pay full time hours now I’m running to a meeting. It’s just chaotic.
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u/totoro_457 19d ago
I was surprised by that too. Here a nanny is more than double the cost of daycare.
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u/BeatPretty7238 19d ago
I don’t see how it’s possible that it would only be $750 more a month for nanny.
My infant care is 20,020 a year. $750/month more would be 29,020 or $558/week. Even at just 32 hours guaranteed for nanny that is $17.43/hour all in. So maybe $13/hr pay and $4/hr employer taxes and withholdings?
Even if your daycare cost is higher than my market, your nanny market rate would be too.
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u/Every_Tangerine_5412 19d ago
Exactly. A full-time nanny is much closer to $5-10k/month all-in, depending on cost of living, how many hours, how many kids, etc.
So that $5k/month number would be for like places where daycare is like $1200/month.
Maybe one of them only works part-time, and so their number was for a part-time nanny, but the pay increase usually needed to attract a quality part-time nanny who will work for 2 WFH parents is not much less than paying a full-time nanny, to be honest.
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u/General_Coast_1594 20d ago
We had a nanny until our kid was 20 months old and then she went to preschool/daycare (it’s a preschool with aftercare).
We both mostly WFH and it was great for us. She is well adjusted and rarely got sick. I got extra cuddles between meetings and at lunch. We plan on doing it again with the second kid, ideally with the same nanny.
That being said, we got lucky because our nanny was highly reliable and ridiculously professional. If you are going to do it, a career nanny is the way to go. They cost more but you aren’t scrabbling for care/they really take a lot of the mental labor off your plate. My choice would be career nanny (on the books, highly experienced etc), daycare, then a less experienced nanny.
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u/somekidssnackbitch 20d ago
We have always done daycare. I am not interested in being anyone’s employer. When our kids were little we could not afford a nanny at the same experience level of the daycare teachers we were looking at. I really appreciate having my own space during the day and being able to putter around the house without constantly worrying about triggering baby’s separation anxiety or ruining nanny’s routine. You’re allowed to pick your kids up early from daycare. Daycare doesn’t care if last night’s dishes are still in the sink.
My first kid was a shy homebody when he was little and honestly would have benefitted from a nanny but we were in the red with daycare so it was not an option. My second kid just desperately wanted to be in the middle of it all, so he was very happy at daycare, which made it easy to pick that despite being in a better financial position when he came around.
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u/lilpistacchio 20d ago
I’m three kids in and have done it all the ways. I kept this baby home with a nanny for a year and just breastfed instead of pumping and it was life changingly good. Pumping sucks and I loved the snuggles, knowing he was getting all the attention he needed for sleep support, and keeping him healthy for longer when he was smaller. Starting all the solids at home with a 1:1 is nice too. At a year he started daycare and that’s also been life changingly good - having my home quiet while I work, workouts on my lunch break, basically just lots more extra time for myself. Plus no messing with bottles for daycare, no worrying about them forcing him down to one nap early, etc. He’s adjusted well and seems happy there too!
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u/s1rens0ngs 20d ago
Daycare. I was a nanny for a WFH boss and it was tough for the child once he developed object permanence to know mom was home but he couldn’t see her. My husband and I WFH, our child is in daycare, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I can have lunch and do some chores after work without having to sneak around the house. When he’s home I can give him more attention than if I had to multitask hanging out with him and doing aforementioned chores.
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u/kdubsonfire 19d ago
I’m gunna go ahead and tell you many Nannie’s won’t work for WFH parents. The nanny sub is full of complaints and many saying they will never do WFH parents again.
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u/bananas82017 20d ago
Daycare for sure. I don’t know anyone who has been happy long term with a nanny. I’m sure awesome nannies are around but most families struggle to find one since the good ones stay with families for so long.
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u/strawberrysunday00 20d ago edited 20d ago
+1. Had a nanny with my first, will opt for daycare with my next. We’re fortunate to be at a great daycare with almost no turnover, though. My daughter’s teacher has been there for 17 years!
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u/Every_Tangerine_5412 19d ago edited 19d ago
I think the issue more is that many new nanny employers honestly don’t take the time to learn how/what to do when hiring a nanny, and end up making lots of mistakes.
They often do not recruit or vet candidates properly. They think care.com is a professional nanny resource (instead of it being Craigslist for nannies), they don’t call references, they don’t do a trial, they don’t interview enough people. Properly hiring, interviewing, vetting, and trialing a nanny should take weeks, if not months, and can cost thousands and thousands of dollars.
They often do not offer competitive pay packages or industry compensation norms (like guaranteed hours, PTO, sick pay, contracted ongoing set hours). They don’t consider that this is someone’s professional career, and that they are taking on the responsibility of paying someone’s entire living wage salary. Many people still think nannies make like $10-15/hour, when the reality is that professional, full-time nannies make $50-100k+/year.
They don’t look into legalities (like overtime pay, payroll, the FLSA, state household employment and other employment laws, worker’s comp).
They don’t look into standard nanny duties (like expecting housekeeping when nannies do child related household chores only).
They have unreasonable expectations, like that nannies must be cleaning during naptime (that’s their downtime/break time); that nannies never call out sick or have doctor appointments (you must have a backup care plan); that nannies will follow a tight daily schedule with no deviations (they’re their with the child, and must have flexibility to adapt to the child’s needs that day); that they will be happy staying inside all day (nannies take kids for outings and walks); that the parents can just pop in and out all day (frequent hellos and goodbyes is very hard on kids, and disrupts the nanny/child bond and their day/schedule); that nannies will serve as 24/7 entertainment for their child (they guide activities and foster different types of play, including independent play. They’re not a paid friend/playmate).
They forget or don’t research other nanny norms and costs, like that nannies usually have open kitchen access (with many employers buying specific food/drinks/snacks to keep on hand for them); annual bonuses and cost of living adjustments/raises; how money for outings/expenses/mileage work when the kids are past infant stage; how they have to pay half of the employment taxes, pay for a payroll company, should pay to have a lawyer versed in household employment law review the contract.
The number of nanny employers on the nanny employer board (so people who should know what they’re doing) who don’t even understand that the employer maintains legal liability for the nanny when they’re on the clock boggles my mind. If your nanny gets into a car accident driving for work purposes, for example, the nanny employer is liable, even if it was the nanny’s fault. If the nanny gets injured on the clock, the nanny family is liable for all medical and lost wage expenses. If the nanny damages property, the employer is liable.
Hiring a nanny is pretty unique in that the nanny often has more experience both in the nanny industry and with children care giving than the parents do. While the parent might be the expert of that child, the nanny/employee is the expert in the industry/field. There is an hierarchical mismatch, and many parents do not like giving up control or placing enough trust in this person to do their job.
And they often go into this arrangement thinking that it is a casual setup, not a legal employment situation that comes with all kinds of serious responsibilities. It requires a knowledge of employment laws, nanny industry norms, and just managerial time and energy that few new nanny employers really ever take the time to understand.
So while yes, there are bad nannies, the issue with many people not being happy with their nanny comes down to going into this arrangement without understanding what they’re going into.
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u/charliefry2012 20d ago
I guess we’re the exception! We are 3 years in with our nanny and it’s been wonderful.
I really like having them home when they’re babies. We transitioned our daughter to a part time preschool when she was 15 months old. She got the best of both worlds. Plenty of socialization but also still mostly at home. It’s expensive to have part time school + full time nanny, so we’re privileged to be able to afford it.
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u/Cultural_Artist2124 19d ago
You're not alone! We are much happier parents having a nanny than our friends who do the daycare schlep with their babies.
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u/totoro_457 19d ago
Yeah I was initially more interested in the nanny route and one thing that changed my mind was that every single person I knew that got a nanny had to change nannies at least once, even twice. Often to one they did not like as much as their initial nanny.
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u/stealthloki 20d ago
$750/mo would be worth it to me to avoid the sicknesses at least for the first year.
We originally enrolled baby boy in daycare starting at 4mo, right before my mat leave ended. He picked up a cold (expected), but it hit him SO hard - 5 days fever, 2 weeks of coughing so hard he would throw up, and 4 weeks of congestion. He was already generally skinny (35th percentile) and dropped down to 20th percentile during that time. I also got super sick and lost my voice for an entire week - thankfully, this was right before I started back at work.
We switched to nanny, and it’s been a relief. He’s gotten a few minor colds this year, but he’s more robust now and it was only a week or so of slight cough / runny nose. He’ll be starting daycare in the fall at 16 months - we’re happy with the center we chose (great ratios even for toddlers, very clean) and also happy to save $3K per month 🫠
Separation anxiety didn’t really kick in until 9mo for us, so we were able to pop in and say hi throughout the day (husband and I alternate hybrid / wfh days). Though now at 1 year I do hide in my room so I don’t upset him 😅 eventually nanny and baby will figure out their routine and soothing methods so there shouldn’t be too crying much unless baby is colicky, etc.
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u/Mini-Schnauzer-42 20d ago
So far this sounds like an abstract decision, is that right, like it's just the concept of a nanny vs daycare?
Or have you found a daycare and are already on the waitlist and know there will be a spot open soon?
In my area, you practically have to be on the waitlist of three daycares before you conceive in order to have a spot open when you need one. So if I were trying to decide quickly because I need a spot soon, the decision would already be made for me.
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u/grad_max 20d ago
My mom watches my kid at our house while I WFH. He's 2.5 now and while I have enjoyed being able to see him more, it has absolutely made it more difficult to focus at work. If I wanted to prioritize my career (and could afford it in my area) I would have sent him to daycare. It's less of a problem now but in the baby days it was very hard for me hearing him in the other room constantly.
There's pros and cons as you know, but if your job is demanding and you need minimal distractions, daycare is better. It also allows for more flexibility to run errands etc without feeling like you need to bring the kid along. If you want to see your kid more often especially in the early days, the nanny is worth the monetary and career sacrifice.
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u/Emotional_Win9441 20d ago
The focus thing is so real - I had similar struggle when working from home office and could hear everything happening in house. For me the distraction was too much during important calls and deadlines
Daycare at 3 months does seem early but if both your jobs are demanding it might be better solution in long run. You can always reassess later if things change with work schedule
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u/Rough-Organization73 20d ago
Can you put noise cancelling headphones in? I love listening to music while I work.
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u/Cautious_Optimist_ 19d ago
I so wish we had family close to us! That would make this so much easier.
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u/unimeg07 20d ago
We have an au pair and I WFH. I actually don’t even have a door, I work in a semi open room that they walk thru a couple times a day. Honestly the crying is ok. I told myself very early on that I had to give them space to work thru any crying and I trust our au pair so much now. I very very rarely feel the urge to intervene when she’s crying. I found the giggling harder when she was little! It was hard knowing she was having fun with someone else while I was slogging thru work.
She’s 17 months old now and we have a really good rhythm. She actually refused bottles starting at 10 weeks so I had to take breaks multiple times a day when she was small to breastfeed her. I think she got used to me coming and going. It also helps that she adores our au pair. Around 9-15 months it was harder if I came into the room and then had to leave and I tried to stay out of sight as much as I could. She seems to be largely past that phase now. They also spend so much more time outside the house now that’s she’s walking and not nursing anymore. I enjoy the quiet time when she’s gone but also missing listening in on her all day. I occasionally found it distracting but noise canceling headphones can do a lot, especially if you’re in a meeting and focusing on that anyway. On days when I found it really overwhelming I’d go to a coffee shop for a couple hours but that was rare for me.
One of the best parts to me is that she’s never been seriously sick. She’s had a few colds and she had a fever for one day while we were traveling internationally. That’s it. Never thrown up, never had an ear infection, never had a serious cough. My friends who have kids in daycare have sicknesses constantly, some of them serious. I just can’t imagine putting her little body thru that if I could afford a quality alternative. I know she will get sick when she is a little older and goes to preschool/daycare but that seems worth the trade offs to me.
I think the other feedback is worth considering and I’m not shaming anyone who finds that take daycare is the right option for their family. I know there are a lot of factors that go into it and many people love their daycares. But for me, keeping her and our family healthy while she’s really young was a big priority and I’m super happy with the decision. Lots of people will say it’s difficult or impossible to work with them at home but it hasn’t been my experience at all so far!
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u/awcurlz 19d ago
Don't forget to add the mental load of being someone's boss. Vacation time, sick days, oops I overslept days.
If that works for you mentally and financially, then go for it.
Personally we couldn't afford it, didn't have the energy for it. We have had great luck with loving and nurturing daycare providers.
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u/Lalablacksheep646 19d ago
Things to consider, are you ready to be an employer? Do you have the space for nanny and baby where they won’t be in your way or vice versa? Are you already on daycare waitlists? Have you thought about paying the nanny for pto, sick days, vacation and such?
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u/puzzle_process 20d ago
Really big fan of nanny for under 2.5-3yo. Just so much less sickness, and comfort of home for your little one. We both WFH as well and have a nanny and it’s works really well. My oldest two did daycare when younger and it was hard on them. Much prefer this arrangement.
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u/0Catkatcat 20d ago
We were lucky to stagger our leave and take some unpaid time off so we started w our nanny at 9 months and we will soon start daycare next month when our daughter will be 19 months. My husband and I are both hybrid. I love the set up besides how expensive it is. We live in a temperate area so most days they’re out of the house at a park or walking to a library. The nanny we found is wonderful and gives me such peace of mind. This is my first child while she’s a career nanny so she’s taught me so much. As you mentioned I love having slow mornings with her and checking on her when I’m not busy. Daycare is starting at a good time though because she’s in a mom obsessed phase where she gets upset when I walk away if she’s not distracted - or I hide in my office until they leave the house or close her door to try a nap.
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u/JBeag 19d ago
If you can afford it, I’d do nanny until 12 months and then start daycare. Just make sure to set boundaries - when you’re at work, go into your office and stay there. Get some good noise canceling headphones and don’t try to “help” throughout the day. Nanny’s really don’t enjoy it and it’s harder on the kids.
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u/Lazy-Victory4164 20d ago
I used daycare for the first year of life for my first. I switched to a nanny when she was 13 months old and it’s so much better for our family. I really wish I would’ve just started with the nanny. There are perks to daycare for sure, I enjoyed having the house to myself for the day. But for us.. the constant illnesses were not worth it. Having more control over her schedule and naps and less illness has made our lives so much more enjoyable. Some kids take really well to daycare, but our girl wouldn’t sleep there and it ended up making for horrible nights. We have another one on the way and plan to keep the nanny until he’s one and she’s 2.5. then I’ll prob send both to daycare.
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u/youdontownmeh 20d ago
The first year of daycare, they are sick at least once a month, which can be tough on an infant’s body. How will you handle that along with wfh? There’s no guarantee he’ll be crying throughout the day. You can also hire someone who will get him out of the house if you think that’ll be an issue. $750/month is worth it to me to avoid the sickness and for individualized care.
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u/Beikaa 20d ago
We picked nanny. I think it’s better for the kids, which is why we do it. Started a 1/2 day preschool at 3 again because research says that is when socialization matters but long hours can be detrimental. Lots of WFH parents and nanny’s at the 1/2 day preschool although we personally both have an office to go to.
My husband used to work from home and I know it was harder for him. It’s harder for me because the house just gets dirtier with all those people in it all day. But I still personally think it’s better for the kids (and research bears that out).
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u/donut_party 20d ago
I haven’t done a nanny but my husband has summers off and an extremely extended paternity leave with our first during Covid so I have experience with a baby at home.
Having a nanny IMO is only doable if you set clear boundaries / schedules and live in a larger home where you can literally be apart and isolated as needed. For us, our home was small and it was so hard to listen to cries while on a call, you always feel in mom mode when baby is around, baby’s only desire is to be near mom too. There were definitely some pros as a BFing mom and seeing my baby all the time, but it was hard and I don’t recommend it if you have a very serious job.
A daycare might be a better option, I’m very pro daycare personally as we had a great one and our kids had beloved teachers.
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u/seventytimes_seven 20d ago
Daycare. It can be so hard to WFH with the child at home. The kid will want to be with you, you’ll want to be with the kid. I also felt way more a prison in my home office with a nanny.
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u/pantoponrosey 20d ago
I WFH and financially we always knew it was going to have to be daycare for us; a nanny just isn’t feasible. And…honestly we all love it. He’s almost 2 now and has been at this place since 3 months. They’re great with him, have consistent staff, a wide range of ages for him to interact with, and he’s learned SO much about how to just be around other kids and people. He’s polite, helps out and cleans up, has learned basic ASL and some Spanish, he has a set routine, and they were SO helpful in the journey to eating solids. I’m sure a nanny would also be lovely but personally I’m so grateful for all the social exposure he gets at daycare! He DID get sick pretty much all winter the first year, that was rough. But this second winter he was hardly sick at all..and it’ll happen when they start school if it doesn’t happen with childcare earlier. The germs will get ya 😂
Also…I know it’s hard to imagine, and maybe you’ll be different, but you might not actually want to spend spare moments with LO forever. Mobile baby and then toddler life is SO different than infant life, and honestly the spare moments during a WFH workday are now pretty much the only peace and quiet I get, and valuable catch-up-on-the-house time. It also means that when we are all home together we’re fresher, more focused, and less tired/frustrated/burnt out. I did switch to a 4 10s schedule so little guy and I have an extra day just for us each week (dad still works 5 days, 4 isn’t an option unfortunately) and I do really love that too…something to consider.
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u/ilikebacon_oinkoink 20d ago
We do a hybrid after starting with daycare. My baby was sick every other week with daycare, which was rough. From reading the nanny subreddit, a lot of nannies do not enjoy WFH parents and they might not like you just popping in constantly since it messes with the flow.
I think if you can afford it and you have a dedicated space that you won't be coming in all the time, then I would do a nanny.
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u/GroundbreakingHead65 19d ago
I would do daycare in a second. When you want to take a day off, the baby can still go to daycare.
My son had a runny nose in the winter but that was pretty much the worst of daycare illness.
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u/Sweet_Corgi5356 19d ago
I did a super small in home for first year and then transferred over to a regular one. My child now thanks me for putting them in daycare because it built their immune system. They see friends who didn’t getting sick and missing school a lot.
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u/Naive_Buy2712 19d ago
I would just do daycare. We considered the same, but the high cost of a nanny just was not for us, and I needed the flexibility of daycare. We do not have any local family, so if the nanny is sick or can’t make it to work, that car falls on us. With daycare, you are definitely more exposed to illness, but it is so much easier in terms of scheduling.
We had a fantastic experience with our kids in daycare, I don’t regret it at all! I think in a lot of cases, it can make sense to have a nanny for the first year or two, but it did not make sense to us because I couldn’t risk having to be on someone else’s schedule.
A friend of mine had a nanny the first few months that she went back to work and she said it was impossible to work with the nanny at home. I think it would definitely depend on your house and your set up, but it would be really difficult to have them in your space while you are working and would add to the stress, wanting to pop out and nurse the baby or say hi to the baby or if the babies’s having a hard time sleeping, I think it could get really difficult!
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u/Formergr 19d ago
Day care if you can. We used to go to day care all day, and now we do a combination of nanny in mornings, and then he goes to an afternoon Montessori toddler.
Even though I have my own office with a door that shuts and he can't access it, just hearing him always gets stressful, more than I expected. Plus if I want to grab a snack or lunch, it disrupts his day and routine since I then need to leave all over again.
Hes gotten way better about being chill when I go back into the office, but can still get upset on occasion if he's teething and extra clingy.
Day care day care day care (assuming you have decent ones not a terrible distance away, of course).
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u/sweetpea202 19d ago
I loved having a nanny for the first year or so. I was able to nurse and see baby more, and also it protected them for sickness. I like daycare starting at 18 months, or keeping the nanny if you have 2+ kids and maybe part time daycare or preschool
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u/chocobridges 19d ago
We did nanny for the first year of life. Would have preferred 18 months with our second (winter baby) but we had already put our older back in for preschool. But we had a variable schedule so it equaled daycare. For us, it's because they're too young for the MMR vaccine. $6750 isnt worth the risk, imo. WFH with a nanny wasn't hard. Once they were older I got lunch during nap time.
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u/aloha_321 19d ago
We had a nanny until our son was 14 months. We both wfh. I am SO glad we did it this way. When we have another we will do the same. Yes it’s more expensive but cost was worth it for us. He was barely sick - and they will be sick constantly when daycare starts. A sick toddler is way better than a sick baby. I got time throughout the day with baby during that first year that I’m so glad I have. I also was breastfeeding - this was the biggest plus for me. If I didn’t have a meeting I could breastfeed and not pump! My son loves daycare now and I feel it’s been good for him at this age.
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u/grumblypotato 19d ago
There are pros and cons to each. We have a nanny and are starting preschool in the fall for our will be 23 month old:
Pros:
- sick care (plus getting generally less sick)
- no pickup/drop off (this is really nice for WFH)
- individualized care, this was particularly important/helpful for us with sleep because he was one of those babies that needed specific daytime sleep to sleep through the night)
- baby gets the care you want for us this is tons of outdoor time, they have a little friend they meet up with for playdates and they’re working on a garden this spring
- our nanny also helps with dishes!
Cons:
- generally double the cost of daycare
- you’re someone’s employer
- it’s very hard to find a great nanny (or honestly even a good one)
- they’re in your space (I don’t really notice the crying anymore I think you become more desensitized to it as your kid gets older, but it’s annoying to feel somewhat trapped in my own home)
We feel sad about him starting preschool because we know he’s going to miss his little bestie and I think it will be a lot more overwhelming of a schedule compared to what he does with his nanny today. And a lot less outdoor time! But wow am I excited to get my house back
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u/pookiewook 19d ago
Both my husband and I work from home. I sent my twins to daycare at 12 weeks old, because I knew I wouldn’t get anything done with 2 infants and a nanny in the house too.
It was all they knew, we also had a 2 year old at the same daycare. Daycare helped us establish a routine for the twins that helped us navigate to transition back to work.
My twins are 7 now, they are happy and healthy and are still friends with some of those kids they met in daycare.
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u/DavidRoseStan 19d ago
We’ve had both of our kids in daycare since they were infants (6 months for my first, 3 months for my second). They are 4 and 15 months now and are both doing great. My coworkers with nanny’s are struggling so much, it seems really hard to find someone reliable.
We did have a bunch of sick days, but once my oldest turned 3 he barely gets sick anymore!
I have the freedom to work wherever I want in my house. Every other month I take a couple mid week days of PTO while the kids are in daycare to have some time to myself.
They have so many people who love them, have little friends, and are generally happy little kids.
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u/PaddleQueen17 19d ago
I think you have a sweet spot for a nanny while you work from home but once your kiddo gets a bit older, maybe around 2, it will become more challenging. My son is almost 4 and sometimes he gets home from daycare before I'm done and he wants to be with me but he wants to type or be silly and it's really challenging to get things done.
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u/kat_8639 19d ago
Daycare was wonderful for us. My children started at around 6 months. We tried 2 nannies (I'm a hybrid remote worker and spouse is 100% remote) but one was a terrible fit and the other was sweet but didn't perform some basic asks. My children were happy at daycare and as a bonus, were basically potty trained there. They also learned basic sign language, how to use utensils, and learned handwashing and putting things away when done. It's great for socialization, too. One of my children had early speech intervention and all of their therapies were done at daycare - I didn't have to arrange and appointments ir schedules.
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u/treeworld 19d ago edited 19d ago
I had a nanny while wfh. I loved it. Not having to get baby ready and out the door saved so much time. I had a chill kid who didn't get upset when I left if I visited at lunch, and he got used to the nanny quickly. Mentally I also wanted him closer. I have 0 regrets even with the cost. Another thing that went amazingly is that a few months in we found a nanny share where they brought their kid to our house for 5-6 hours everyday. Still a 2:1 ratio and saved us money and my kid still got a couple hours solo with the nanny. And good exposure to another kid.
Hopefully not an unpopular opinion but I think there's almost no way babies are cared for in a really great way with a 5:1 ratio. If you do do daycare I bet you can find a better ratio. My state is 5:1 but I did find a daycare that did 3:1. Even on the few tours I saw of 5:1 daycares it made me sad, you just can't meet everyone's needs on a regular basis like that.
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u/ashleyandmarykat 19d ago
Both my partner and I wfh and we did daycare with both kids. Our house isn't really set up for a nanny (we don't have dedicated offices) and I like that I don't have to micromanage. I like that daycare has a curriculum and if a teacher is sick, it's not my problem. Yes daycare illness is a thing so prep for you to take sick days.
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u/Used-Risk3132 19d ago
I am in a similar situation. Baby went to daycare in December at 6mo. It was a brutal awakening with the illnesses. I was hesitant for nanny due to cost and worried about reliability. I have been extremely happy with our daycare and she loves it. But in hindsight I would have splurged for the nanny at least until one year mark/summer months.
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u/zeirae 19d ago
If you go with daycare know that at least the first year will be impossible with illnesses, but that will happen at any age. We've lost count at the number of illnesses we've had this year. It's quite disruptive because they stay home and you can't get a babysitter if they're sick AND you're sick. I haven't been this sick in a long time. I'd try to get a nanny as much as possible. Hopefully you have generous time off policies.
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u/Active_Recording_789 19d ago
Nanny all the way. One on one care for the baby, you can breast feed, baby’s there to kiss and cuddle for all your breaks…totally better in all aspects. Also nannies often do other child related tasks like baby laundry
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u/lovepansy 19d ago
Nanny. You can sneak in cuddles and kisses during breaks. Research also supports this for this age
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u/CuriousMacaron01 19d ago
We did daycare starting at 3mo with #1 and are doing it again with #2. We love daycare. We love the socialization for the kids (and adults), the freedom, and not having to worry if someone calls out sick or quits.
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u/Timely-Opportunity21 19d ago
My husband and I are both lawyers. He goes in and I work from home. We hired a nanny when my first was 3 months. Still have her. First is in preschool 3 hours a day and second is at home with nanny. Dream situation and the reason I’m not resentful about still working.
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u/datCRNAlife 19d ago
I truly don’t see how anyone can recommend a daycare over a nanny because of everything listed in this thread. That said, finding an amazing nanny is incredibly hard/annoying, so I can totally see why someone wouldn’t want to go through the exercise.
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u/NeedleworkerFit7747 19d ago
I think it depends on your personality. I worked from home and anytime my mom (essentially our nanny) watched her at my house while I was working, I was SO MUCH less productive because I couldn’t keep myself away from my kiddo. I was constantly getting distracted and got nothing done.
My husband also works from home- he had zero issues and could easily work 10 hours from home with our daughter here, no issues.
The daycare sickness the first year is brutal (I swear it gave me PTSD with the constant need to re-pivot), so if you do daycare, unless you have unlimited sick time, you’ll end up working at home with someone else caring for your kiddo anyways.
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u/Capital-Pepper-9729 19d ago
It’s also important to consider the fact that is actually really difficult to find a nanny when both parents work from home.
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u/Lazy_Antelope3224 19d ago
+1 while I think having baby home for the first 12 months is great, it was definitely hard to focus hearing the baby cry and my baby was also so attached to me that anytime she’d see me in the kitchen she’d cry to come to me. I do think the convenience of having her home and no commute and flexibility on days we needed was the pro, but the con was managing an “employee” and feeing kind of stuck to my room for the day. We started daycare at 12 months and while that also has its pros and cons (biggest con for us is her naps there are not great), I do like the routine better and given how shy she was, I’ve seen her personality bloom in just 2 months there. Ultimately make the choice that works best for you! There is no right or wrong, just what you can and can’t live with :)
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u/ocean_plastic 19d ago
I’m a big fan of daycare. I never thought I’d say such words, but after a nanny search when my son was 6 months and seeing the benefits of daycare (he’s now 2), he’s learned so much more than he ever would’ve learned if he was 1:1 with a nanny. The key is to find a really good daycare - our first daycare was a disaster, but the one he’s in now does a phenomenal job: he’s learning, happy, surrounded by love, the other parents and their children are wonderful too.
When I went back to work at 6 months, my husband and MIL looked after the baby for 2 months. I mostly WFH at the time and it was excruciating to hear him cry or be upset and not be able to comfort him - especially since I was the best at comforting him at that age. On one level it “felt better” to have him close by, but I found it really hard to not actually be with him and hearing him upset gave me so much anxiety (thanks hormones).
I was actually relieved that the nanny didn’t work out because the more I thought about it, I didn’t like the idea of someone driving my baby around and I had a lot of specifics about what they would do all day… a regulated environment with a curriculum gave me more peace of mind.
Yes you’ll all get sick a ton in the beginning but in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t take long for everyone’s immunity to be built up.
On days when you have more flexibility in your schedule, you can drop off your child later or pick them up early… I also try to stop working by 4 each day so I can be with my son for a few hours before he goes to sleep, then I resume work for a bit after.
And I know your child is younger than mine was, but I would absolutely trust my current daycare with an infant because I see how great they are with the babies.
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u/tittietoes 19d ago
3 months is so young and I would probably want a nanny at that point. But just to share, I am starting my 7 month old at a small in home daycare and he had his intro today. He seemed so eager and excited to be social with other babies and kids he didn't want to go home. She has three other LO there. It made me feel so good about our choice.
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u/shepardmutt 18d ago
I went for a small daycare, there are only two under 18 months, a toddler, and an open spot for one other toddler. It’s a licensed in home facility, and the woman who runs us has to be one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met.
My baby is a barnacle who wants to be touching me at all times, but he gets there for drop off and is SO excited to see her! He genuinely loves it, and she’s so good with working on developmentally appropriate play to help him learn.
I chose this route so I can work and focus, I work from home and can’t focus when he’s here
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u/Affectionate-Bar4960 18d ago
Lots of good comments here but another Team Daycare vote! Both of my kids started around 12-14 weeks and they’ve truly thrived in daycare. They were always well cared for as babies, they lift some of the mental load (they started solids with our 6 month olds, provide lunch, so much activity, teach open cups and table manners, I could go on!). It’s also nice that you’re not having to juggle schedules around just one person. If the teacher is sick or on vacation there are floaters to jump in. You can use the cost savings for 529, and/or put it towards a meal service or cleaning person. Most people we know who started with a nanny shifted to daycare for the flexibility, socialization, and academic focus. We’re getting ready to send our first to Kindergarten and have zero regrets on the daycare path!
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u/huthuthite 17d ago
Those of you who WFH with nanny, do you breastfeed or pump during that time? Wondering if it’d be easier to pump and hide so you’re not “leaving” them so much?
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u/RunningDataMama 20d ago
So I can’t speak to having a nanny, but my husband and I split the work of taking care of our first while both working from home in 2021 until she was 10.5 months old and started at an in-home daycare (also a great option if you can find one to avoid the typical cons of a big center). It was HARD, and yes could be distressing (particularly for me because hormones) when you know your partner has them and they’re okay but they just sound so sad. She was also a big mama’s girl from us breastfeeding so it made her even crankier if I ever tried to jump in during Dad’s turn to watch her and then had to leave again. Obviously having a nanny is a whole set of hands dedicated to taking care of the baby, but it can just feel like “oh I should be doing something to help” and then it ends up being harder for baby to adjust. Also, we ended up having great center experiences with our first from 2yo forward and with our second starting at 4.5mo. There are cons for sure but they can also be really great! Our second adores her teachers and gets so excited to see them
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u/Fluid-Village-ahaha 7M/5M. Working my by choice 20d ago
Nanny is more convenient. Make sure nanny will be doing some household work related to kid including washing pumps parts. So you do not have to plan a lot. Pump, drop parts, give fresh milk. No dealing with storing or such. Or packing bottles.
We both wfh. Our nanny was incredible. She also took care of the house but it was her own initiative.
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u/SeaExplanation6507 19d ago
3 months is way too young imo. Nanny until 18 months makes sense for me as that’s when they have less sleep dangers, stronger mobility and better eating abilities. They can also start to express themselves better and understand instruction. I personally would try to avoid having a sick baby who is unable to communicate at all about their pain at all costs.
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u/pizzaisit 19d ago
We moved forward with a daycare instead of a nanny. My son was my velcro baby so just by being home, he always wants me. Even when we had sitters helping, he always wanted me. So we made the decision to put him in daycare. It worked out for us and my son is almost 3 years old. He loves daycare and learns so much from it.
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u/ycherep1 20d ago edited 19d ago
Nanny till 18 months and daycare after. During the transition I hung out for a few hours and saw the little ones and they're usually just in a chair or on a blanket all day while the daycare people run around with the other kids. Note that it's in at home daycare but the fancy daycares had the whole room was full of cages of little ones.
Your baby won't be crying in the other room when you have a nanny. The first few days maybe as they get used to it. But afterwards, the nanny gives the baby one-on-one attention. They learn from each other. The diaper is changed immediately, the food is made for them, the activities they do together is what they like. I don't regret a nanny for the first year.
Working remote I was able to breastfeed instead of pump and get a minute of joy when I needed it. Plus with the crazy nights, I just gave the baby to the nanny and I didn't have to drive anywhere. That was awesome.
OMG EDIT: When I meant cages - I meant rows of cribs - that looked like a prison unit! Lol - sorry for the communication error. It just gave me a bad vibe & I was very unhappy with it.
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u/loquaciouspenguin 20d ago
Cages of little ones? If you’re seeing that, you report it. This is not an accurate assessment of a daycare facility and reads as fear mongering.
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u/stealthloki 20d ago
Agree. Maybe they mean cribs? Because cribs are to be expected, every baby should have their own assigned crib for naps.
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u/Dandylion71888 20d ago
This is so unhinged. If that’s what you’re seeing then it should be reported. Our daycare and all the daycares we’ve been to between moves were highly engaged even with infants.
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u/Formergr 19d ago
the whole room was full of cages of little ones.
Unless you time traveled to a Czekoslovakian orphanage in 1984, I doubt you saw children in cages.
Did you maybe see babies taking a nap in a crib?
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u/ecofriendlyblonde 20d ago
So we have one kid in daycare all day and one kid who is in school in the morning and then cared for in our home after school.
Honestly, it’s really noisy, he comes in randomly sometimes, and it’s not like we get any additional time with him since we’re working. We also have demanding WFH jobs and it was MUCH easier when both kids were in daycare.
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u/eltejon30 19d ago
We chose nanny for the personal attention and the exposure to my native language. I love seeing my baby all day and not dealing with daycare logistics. Our nanny takes our baby outside all the time too, which I don’t think infant daycare classes do.
I will say it’s 100% worth it BUT my focus is totally shot. We live in a small NYC apartment and my office is the living room so she’s literally staring at me all day while I work. I have a high stress, long hours job too so it’s definitely tough. But I love to go take the baby to the park to play right after work rather than rushing around to pickup.
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u/No-Grab-6344 19d ago
Nanny is expensive but worth the cost and you can also adjust nap times as baby gets older so you need less hours. For us nanny comes 8-12 baby sleeps 12-2 I take lunch 2-3 and last hour she gets tv time while I finish up by 4 but that works for me because baby is 14 months now but when she was younger in her naps nanny cleaned did laundry etc so once I finished I had nothing much to do but hang out with my baby.
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u/Rose_Mountain73 19d ago
Since you’re both home, can you find maybe a less expensive/early ECE pre-college student? I was so lucky to have a nanny/sitter who could be at our house, care for baby, put him down for naps, and I could run down and feed him. Sweet spot for us was about 9/10 months for both of our babies. They still eventually get all the germs, but they aren’t as small and fragile. And that goes for the drop off guilt, which will come (and go don’t worry!) no matter what age you put them in at. I think I even cried on nanny’s first day 🫠. You’ve got this. Congratulations!
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u/OliveKP 20d ago
I am huge fan of nanny for the first year or so (maybe 18 months) then daycare. Saving the commute time gives you more time together and nanny can help with all the baby laundry and bottle washing, and support introducing solids which is huuuge. Plus you get to see them more. But with both my kids I hit that “you need more interaction and I need my house back” point. Also if it’s your first you can put off being sick constantly until they’re a bit older