Daycare vs. nanny while WFH

[u/Cautious_Optimist_]

Perspective needed. My husband and I both WFH. We’re trying to quickly decide on childcare for our first little one who will be 3 months old when we need care to start. We were originally set on finding a nanny to watch our son until he is mobile and verbal, but have pivoted to strongly considering daycare. The high cost of a nanny in our area (at least $750/month more than daycare that could be put towards a 529 or other investment account for our son to use down the road) and the thought of him crying throughout the day in the next room while we work are reasons for the pivot. Both of our jobs can be high stress with days filled with constant meetings and I already struggle hearing him cry in the next room with my husband when I’m not working - having him away from the house so we can focus on work seems more manageable. At the same time, I don’t like the idea of our 3 month old going to daycare with a 5:1 teacher infant ratio and the increased risk of him getting sick, plus some workdays are slower where I love the thought of being able to spend some extra minutes with our little one in between meetings/work tasks. My husband supports whatever I’m comfortable with doing to make sure I don’t have regrets later on. I keep going back and forth on what the right thing to do is, but need to make a decision in the next few weeks. Any perspective on other experiences with this would be very appreciated!

[u/OliveKP]

I am huge fan of nanny for the first year or so (maybe 18 months) then daycare. Saving the commute time gives you more time together and nanny can help with all the baby laundry and bottle washing, and support introducing solids which is huuuge. Plus you get to see them more. But with both my kids I hit that “you need more interaction and I need my house back” point. Also if it’s your first you can put off being sick constantly until they’re a bit older

[u/HollyBron → u/OliveKP]

Baby at home for 18mo is my sweet spot too. After that, my little one gets mad when I shut the door to work. I find myself hiding out until she's napping. I totally relate to the needing the house back and little one needing more structure. 

[u/User_name_5ever → u/OliveKP]

Yes! At 12 months, we moved our timeline for daycare transition up (although part of it is that I don't love some things about our nanny).

Having a nanny is also difficult from the perspective that you rarely get the house to yourself. You might upset the baby when you're trying to go get lunch, so you skip lunch.

There's also a mental load component. You have an employee to manage on top of your work employees. Some nannies don't like WFH families because of the possible interference. I will say I see that struggle and feel like neither of my kids were super bonded to their nanny. 

I don't regret having a nanny, but if you have quality daycare, it's a bit of a relief when the nanny phase is over. 

[u/essentiallypeguin → u/User_name_5ever]

Interesting how different experiences can be with different families. My husband WFH part time and I work in hospitals so bizarre/inconsistent schedule and we absolutely love having our nanny. For us it's like the stereotypical "part of the family" dynamic which sounded cheesy to me until actually experiencing it.

We just struggled along splitting childcare between husband and myself (no family near) until shortly after 1y by having my husband shift his hours around my schedule which worked well enough when baby was an immobile entity (late-ish walker), but now that we have our nanny (only 3d/wk) and he is nearly two it's really the right set up for our family. Thankfully our son doesn't really get the separation anxiety of my husband being working in the other room and he absolutely loves his nanny, so those factors certainly make it a more pleasant experience for everyone involved. Now that we have this set up we feel like adding a commute and all the daycare germs is too much of a deterrent for us to seriously consider daycare at least as far as we can predict. Glad your transition to daycare was good for your family though, so much of parenting is figuring out what works specifically for your own scenario.

[u/Sea_Discount3155 → u/OliveKP]

As a mom who put her baby in daycare at 3 months, I wish I would have done this. For all these reasons above but especially avoiding the illnesses from daycare.

[u/zavrrr → u/OliveKP]

On paper I agree with all of this, but in my actual life I in fact both found it really hard to work with the baby in the house, and I really disliked employing someone. I think it's hard to tell until you've tried it honestly, but at least try to think through how you will manage all of those logistics.

[u/User_name_5ever → u/zavrrr]

Yeah, I'm glad I did it for both kids but equally glad we're about done with this. 

[u/zazrouge → u/OliveKP]

We transitioned from nanny to daycare at 2y, and 18mo would have also been fine just the realities of waitlists. It really helped ease some day to day stressors- no commute, no packing lunch, less illness, dishes and laundry got done, I could visit my child, I always knew what they were up to. Having a nanny is managing an employee, and around 18mo we realized we were ready for daycare. But it was really perfect to have the nanny as a bridge back into work and into childcare!