has anyone had luck with the free version of Feeld? I've been using it for a couple weeks now with zero luck. I dont want to pay for it just yet cuz I've had little success with online dating in the past. Maybe I'm impatient, or maybe this is another app that just wants your money....idk.
any advice?
we are being open and honest in our bio. maybe we arent using the right terms and such? we worry that some people might think we are looking for a "unicorn". but that's genuinely not what we are looking for.
If I've learned my terminology correctly then what I'm looking for is "a closed V, kitchen table relationship with a woman".
I (31F) want a girlfriend that is comfortable with polyfi. She doesn't need to be attracted to my man, but I'd like for them to get along so we can all hang out together.
Can I ask why you’re proposing that they need to be okay with dating only one person and they need to be okay with you have two partners?
A lot of hinge poly relationships work out that way but I wonder if that’s why you feel the app isn’t working for you. “X for me, but not for thee” is a turn off for a lot of people on principle, regardless of what X is.
This part. Neither of us were looking for closed when we found each other. It just ended up working out that way. And it doesn’t mean we’ll be closed forever. We are very satisfied in our closed V now. My husband is asexual. And my fiancé and I are sexually exclusive with each other. But we are open to discussion for future changes. Just not right now.
Same here. My partner is saturated at one and my spouse dates sporadically. I’m often the only hinge. If everyone’s happy with it, awesome, if it changes in the future, also cool! (I hope my spouse dates more, TBH.)
I find that descriptively closed poly tends to work better than prescriptively closed, from what I’ve seen and experienced.
I think it's a bad idea to call a structure "closed" if what's meant is saturated. An open or closed relationship is about whether or not it'd violate relationship-rules to seek new partners, not about whether or not anyone is currently actively looking for partners.
In my network (i.e. partners and metamours and the partners of metamours and so on) there's 10 people, and only 2 of those have had ANY new partners in the last 2 years, so descriptively very little dating is happening. That doesn't make the structure closed though.
It's always extrapolates like this..... :/ like I'm some kind of stereotype....
One of my friend's from high school had this kind of relationship. Without getting into their lives and situation too much, I'll just say they are very happy together and still together today (going on 47 years). They raised 3 kids together, and one is my best friend. They were like family to me back in high school. I've talked with them openly since my husband and I have made the decision to do this, and they've been really encouraging and supportive. But, they all met and started their relationship back when THEY were still in high-school.... So, things have changed a lot and they don't have much advice besides "communicate." (For clarification: My husband and I are 30+)
You might not like people’s advice or perspective but that doesn’t make it less valid. Nobody is stereotyping you. They’re just pointing out that most people aren’t going to be interested in an offer like that, so you’re going to have to be very very patient and very very lucky. It may take years or decades to find someone who wants that, or you may never find it at all. So either you accept that it’s not realistic to expect to have any success in a few weeks/months with that kind of unusual setup, or you decide you’re open to some compromise or other configurations. Because the reality is that you’re looking for a very rare person who is going to be completely fine with relying on you to meet all of her sexual and romantic needs, while being okay with your sexual and romantic attention being split between two people. I’ve been a unicorn before and don’t have anything against joining a couple and even then I feel like it’s really risky to expect someone who’s splitting their time between two people to meet all of my needs when I can’t get them met by another romantic partner. A closed triad may be harder to establish in terms of chemistry and attraction, but it’ll be easier in terms of fairness and making sure that the two ends of the V aren’t left out or lonely when you have twice the number of date nights etc because you have both of them and they only have you.
Girl I checked your post history and... it is the stereotype. You are seeking a perfect sex object who wants to sleep with you, likes your husband watching, doesn't want your husband though, wants to be exclusive with you but doesn't want more from a relationship (marriage) or to interrupt your existing relationship. Examine your morals because this is absolutely insane
I've been on a few dates through Feeld, but nothing worked out. People are definitely out there, but the majority of people I saw on Feeld was a couple looking for a third, and that's just not what most people are after.
V polys are difficult to maintain, and a hard idea to sell. I say this as someone who is currently in a V poly with my two GFs. You are asking for two people to give you all of their time in exchange for a fraction of yours. V polys tend to be something that just kind of happens naturally rather than people seeking them out. I expect you to have greater success if your poly structure isn't closed. Would you be open to your new partner also having their own relationships?
You may not be able to ask for a “closed V.” It’s a little unfair that you get to date your boyfriend AND her, but neither get to explore other partners. What’s the benefit to the new girl?
Some women would be okay with it. I'm grey/demi/pan but more interested in women than men, so I could theoretically be comfortable in a situation like that. It just depends on the person. The difficulty is same as any other type of dating - finding someone open to what you're looking for near you, who you find attractive, who you all want to spend time with and can see yourself living with one day, etc. Except in this scenario, the person has to be up for climbing you like a tree and be chill/want to hang out with your bf long-term too. It's not impossible, it just requires commitment on all sides - including, as things get more serious, the new paramour and bf committing to trying to encourage (but not force) a friendship to grow between them (if that's something that's agreed on by all parties). It's definitely not an easy feat but it is possible!
u/Ginger_Gerl. It's gonna take time, patience and luck to find the right person - and then a whole boat load of communication and emotional maturity, radical honesty with yourself about what you want and how you feel while you're in the relationship and a willingness to communicate those things, as well as a willingness to be open and emotionally vulnerable with everyone involved. (And you'll have to be aware of the possibility of jealousy and how this could change things for your bf - what if he decides he wants to meet other women, for example? Would you be okay with that? Or what if your bf and new gf catch feelings for each other and want to start dating each other too? You've got to be aware of the potential for these things before going in - and know where you stand with them - or it's a recipe for disaster for all your relationships. There's no burying your head in the sand over anything when you're in a poly relationship. You can just be in it for the sex but, again - communication. Everyone needs to know where they stand in this.) There are people out there in a relationship like the one you describe but it seems a lot of them kind of fell into that dynamic, rather than met through online dating. (I'm not saying it's impossible though, so still give it a try! It's just a heads up on what I've heard.)
With regards to Feeld, I've heard it's more like the early days of Tinder - about hooking up - but I wouldn't say you need to ditch it based on that. There'll be some LTR success stories from it too, and a lot of people are more forthright about what they want on there (i.e. not looking for ONS etc) so it's as good a place as any to start. 💛
With regards to paying for it, I'd say just stick to the free tier. Upgrade for a month on ocassion if you want, but it's not really worth a 6 or 12 month subscription.
As a side note, I've seen a few poly people on Tinder and Her, so those are two sites you could check out but this isn't likely to be a dynamic that will fall into your lap overnight, so be patient. You're kind of playing the long-game looking for this so keep that in mind. (And if you find any good poly dating sites, please let me know! Lol.)
Anyone who is looking to date women will have to stand out from all the thousands and thousands interested in doing the same. What you offer may not be super attractive to other people since you ask for a closed relationship but you may not be in a position to offer a full relationship with all the benefits/ responsibilities attached to it. Added to this, is the issue that this person would also have to vibe with your current partner and take the risk that you may want to do a bait and switch to force them upon her.
I would say realistically, it could take months/ years to find someone who is compatible with what you seek, but not impossible.
feeld worked for me!! my partner i met on feeld is afab non binary and we have the set up you’re talking about - we’re dating and they’re besties/roommates w my husband. all that to say yes feeld works and it’s possible, good luck just stay patient and open
My partner (39M) and I (47F) met on feeld a year ago (Monday was our first date anniversary). I was hesitant to swipe his profile. It said solo poly which is what I was looking for. But it also said he was looking for a FWB. Ok with occasional one night stand. And open to something more for the right person. I was 5 months out of a horrible breakup with a partner that lived with me and husband (46M) and figured if nothing else we’d flirt and move on. Well turns out we are crazy in love and got “engaged”. I asked him on Easter on a vacation to join my forever family with a ring. He said yes. Then Monday he gave me a ring in return on our anniversary. 🥰 he and my husband get along famously. And I’m incredibly happy. (I never paid for the app, he did as men tend to get less swipes, but when we met he didn’t have paid version). We are a very functional V.
I met my polyfi partner on feeld. However neither of us were looking for that in our profiles lol. I think it's really hard to plan for polyfi tbh or for anything very specific. We found each other and then found our way to what worked best for us and here we are
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u/StaceOdyssey 12d ago
Can I ask why you’re proposing that they need to be okay with dating only one person and they need to be okay with you have two partners?
A lot of hinge poly relationships work out that way but I wonder if that’s why you feel the app isn’t working for you. “X for me, but not for thee” is a turn off for a lot of people on principle, regardless of what X is.