I know it's probably very dumb to expect anything else from online spaces but I downloaded TikTok today and was just looking for some silly lesbian memes and pretty women to follow.

What I got instead was an insane amount of butch phobic content and crazy hate towards masculine presenting lesbians.

I am not very into the whole online culture so I didn't expect that at all and was quite honestly shocked to be seeing and reading that from fellow lesbians. Usually I feel a deep comradery between femmes and butches but this does not seem to be the case on TikTok.

I assume it's because TikToks user base seems to be much younger than other socials. What do you guys think could be the reason for this?

The screenshots I took were just from one video, where it was mostly about that Fem4fem relationship don't get taken seriously enough. I do agree with that take so I was very surprised to see the comments. However while this was just one video I did see a whole lot of similar content regarding distate towards masculine presenting lesbians.

This person runs a group for Butch in my area, one time she mentioned “masc shortage,” and I left a comment that the “masc shortage,” statement is regarding white mascs and it is racist to use. She didn’t respond, that’s when I decided I would not use the butch label, nor associate with the group, because I’ve seen pictures and the majority are white. Now this popped up and I’m wondering what you all think. The comments on both social media are in agreement. I have not read the book, but have seen discussions on it and understand what she is saying. My point is 1970s law enforcement is different from 2025 law enforcement. Thoughts?

Long time member. I have really cut down my social media usage over the past two years. I really only use it for 30 minutes a day, at the most. Some days, I don't even look. It's so freeing in ways you cannot imagine.

I have culled a lot of Reddits I followed, as well. As someone with OCD, I have found culling nihilistic people has helped so, so much. And sadly, this has resulted in me culling a lot of queer subreddits. Seriously, logging on after a long day to see the most triggering, uncensored shit was too much.

Compare that to this subreddit, where I feel like discussions about issues that affect us are level-headed, and literally every butch can say their perspective without fear. In theory, the topics we discuss are often upsetting to me, but they don't flat out trigger me. It feels so safe here.

Meanwhile, the other lesbian subreddits are having insane fucking infighting right now. Something about a celebrity? I really don't care anymore. I'm not even gonna read more into it. I'd rather spend that anger and energy on something more meaningful, like why the fuck is no one selling an affordable pickup in my area!!!

Does anyone else agree that this show wouldn’t be half as popular if it were two butch women instead of men? I’ve been seeing a lot of discourse about this show online and it seems the primary fan base is 16 - 30 year old women fetishizing the two male leads. Maybe I’m too woke idk. The popularity of the show is just reminding me of how little representation ( especially accurate representation ) us lesbians/butches get in media. It feels like white gay men get the better end of the stick when it comes to media.

I’ve identified as a butch lesbian/dyke for years and years before I ever realized I was transmasc. It’s weird for me to fully give up that identity after it being a part of me for so long. And the fact that society still treats me a butch lesbian, that’s what they see! we exist ppl. not a difficult concept but apparently it is for some mods here…

heard ppl getting upset about weird stuff going on and came to check out this place. everyone seems nice here?

I know this is pretty unserious, but does anyone else feel like these kinds of comments are off-putting? They're usually directed at middle-aged butches with a very masculine appearance, and I feel like it's such a surface level understanding of butchness and sort of disrespectful. Butches (including older butches) are cool as fuck, and very often soft and kind, and sexy, and not just a caricature of masculinity. It seems like people outside of butchfemme culture can only understand mascs and butches as either "pretty princess in boys clothes" (feminized, sexualized) or "aggressive manager lady" (mocked, desexualized).

I saw this YouTuber reviewing a movie where a masculine girl turns out to be a lesbian and she said “here we go again! the stereotype that masculine women have to be lesbians” Except, the VAST majority of masculine women portrayed in media are not lesbians. I can only name one main character who’s a butch lesbian in a recent, mainstream TV show(it’s animated so is it really even that mainstream?). I’m not going to talk about her because I’m told I talk about her too much. But it’s like…if anything there’s a huge shortage of butch lesbian main characters in things. There’s also so many people who talk about how we have to stop demonizing femininity in shows/movies by just having less masculine women characters…but it’s like feminine women were considered the “standard” in everything how are you more demonized than masculine women in any way? If you’re not feminine you’re told that you’re trying to be “not like other girls” or whatever. And why do people pretend no one would want to see a butch woman in media/that they are unattractive when there’s a HUGE amount of people who find them attractive. In fact, it might even be easier to get an audience for that character than a feminine women since there’s so many characters catering to that audience already

I know everyone feels differently about it, some find power in it and others absolutely avoid it

I personally use it proudly and it feels like a good descriptor for my sexuality and gender

what about you?

As a nonbinary butch who's still very much aligned with women & with lesbianism....this category always kinda rubs me the wrong way.

I feel that it equates womanhood with femininity, & doesn't leave much room for women/nb people who have more complicated relationships with gender/womanhood.

Posting this because I'm salty that I got banned from a women-focused "women & femmes" group. Because I had top surgery & describe myself as a 'transmasc lesbian". Which like....idk what else to call myself? I'm a lesbian who took some transition steps to feel better in my body. That doesn't make me a man! And why is my lack of tits anyone's business anyway?

After having an in-depth discussion with the mod, where I explicitly explained multiple times that I'm a genderfucky lesbian not a man....she still decided I'm basically a man & that I'm not welcome.

It feels extra shitty because this group fully welcomes transfem nonbinary people, pre/non-transition transfems, & gender-questioning people as long as they're not men. I know for sure they'd accept me if I presented more dainty & feminine.

It just hurts to be rejected by queer women, as if being butchy is somehow the same as being a man. Masculinity isn't evil, ffs. And it hurts double that the mod who banned me is a trans woman. You'd think a trans person would see the issue with assuming someone's gender based on their body....but that's exactly what she did to me.

Idk, it just sucks to feel like I don't 'fit' anywhere. God forbid gender be a little complicated sometimes.

🤔 I've noticed that I always seem to get a particular type of women that seem to show me Interest the most. I'm kind of curious to see if anybody else experienced this as well too. So what type of women do you guys find yourselves attracting the most?

i know people have felt iffy about the labrys since lots of terfs kind of took it over, but i want to reclaim it. i’ve been wearing a key chain of it on my carabiner and i’ve been thinking of getting a labrys tattoo inspired by corky from bound one of my favorite butches in media 😙 i was just curious what the general consensus of it is. i don’t know if the general population thinks anything of it but i don’t want people to think im a turf as im walking down the street lol. how do you all feel about the labrys?

I can’t decide myself. I love a butch with vascular hands, big arms, curves, a waist I can grab….

Hey y’all, I’m a longtime lurker/occasional commenter here but first time poster. I’m in my early 30’s, been on a low dose of T for a few years, had top surgery a couple years ago, and this year I got bottom surgery (phalloplasty). I was a stone butch for many years, I used to pack and treat the strap on as my cock, and after struggling so much with bottom dysphoria, I decided to get the strap permanently attached. It’s been a beautifully interesting and challenging journey, I’ve realized how much of my own unlearning I had to do that dick=man, but I know it was the right decision for me and I love this new version of my butch cock. I’ve met other enbies who have had phallo or meta, but I haven’t encountered any butches/lesbians who have, so if there are any in here I’d love to connect. I’m also open to questions if people have any. Mostly, I just wanted to share my experience since I haven’t come across others like mine.

Like it says on the title, does anyone else pack in here? I’ve honestly found it pretty fun and my girlfriend enjoys the look. But I’m wondering if I’m just weird. I know that gender affirming care is different for everyone but some have to argue that if you want anything to do with a penis or even anything masculine your lesbian card is automatically removed. Especially with that lesboy thing on tiktok. I feel like the queer community is more hostile than I last remember and it’s a bit disheartening. I’m curious on any butches who participate in weird gender and what they like doing since it’d be nice to feel a bit less alone :p.

asking all those that dropped/modified their given name to go by something cooler

dropped my -A ending girly deadname and reclaimed the last vowel through the name Elijah - I just go by EJ most times

took me a few tries to get here lol I went by Pluto at one point, might keep it as a pen name or something

wbu?

Whats your favorite butch photo from childhood?

Let me clarify, I have no issue with people who identify as nonbinary or trans! It is just not my identity. I am cis, use she/her, my traditionally feminine name, have no interest in changing that. I did have top surgery about two months ago and have presented as a masc/butch lesbian since I was a teenager.

I understand non queer people who just might not understand or are well meaning, etc. Like lots of people who don't know me well and just see an ambiguous dyke they/them me automatically, and I find the effort to be very nice and thoughtful!

But the issue is with other queer people who insist that I am trans or non binary and tell me that one day I'll "crack" etc, had one person who told me that I just don't want to lose my lesbian identity, "we'll be here for you when you're ready, brother" was one I heard from a trans man a few weeks ago.

It just makes me feel wildly uncomfortable - i am very comfortable in my identity and who I am. I had one person imply that being annoyed that people try and project the label on me is internalized transphobia.

Does anyone else experience this? Like I said it's not the well meaning people who they/them me out of trying to be a good ally, but other queer people who try and put me in a box I'm not in.

Even when I was going through the process to get diagnosed with dysphoria for insurance the psychologist was very adamant that I couldn't experience dysphoria and not identify as trans. Held up insurance approval for months before finding someone who would give me a dysphoria diagnosis/letter.

Just a fun question. My picks would probably be The Fifth Element, Pitch Black or the Mad Max movies.

Anyone else curious about this?

[edit] Probably should've volunteered first lol: Asian, 41, butch, American.

Hello, I wanted to ask if other masc lesbians feel this way. I know being butch/masc isn't just about looks. But I feel like it's becoming more and more of a standard to be muscular as a masc lesbian. Like maybe 5 years ago it wasn't nearly as prevalent. Back then I wouldn't even think about my body not looking "masculine enough" but nowadays I do. And it's not just something that comes from me I feel like, but other women that like butches/mascs too. Like you ask a femme/fem what she likes about masculine women and one of the first things she'll say are muscles.

I know weight lifting is a great way to counter body dysphoria for a lot of mascs, and even aside from the whole looks aspect it is a hobby that makes you feel strong and capable, so it's just something that aligns with a lot of us and makes us feel affirmed in our gender identity.

But at the same time I do feel like there's a certain toxic aspect to it. Like sure I dont solely workout for aesthetic reasons but for my health as well. And I also just like the act of it. But I definitely end up comparing myself to really ripped masc lesbians online and then feel bad about myself. And I know that comparing yourself to fitness influencers isnt anything that's special to masc lesbians. Idk. Maybe someone can relate.

from a femme in a relationship with the most yummy delicious butch top, who takes care of me like no one else <3 what delights you about topping?

Hey folks. So like, I’ve been coming to terms with a lot for myself recently. I’ve mentioned it in another post, but I’m very grateful for this subreddit for really introducing me to butchness and leading me into discovering butch history. The identity feels good for me, and I’ve been happy to explore more about myself.

The problem for me is my submissiveness. I haven’t had very much sexual experience, but I do know that I am very submissive. Like, almost completely. It’s just been part of who I am ever since I hit puberty years back and discovered what sex and sexuality was all about.

I adore penetration, absolutely love it. I find it difficult to get off without it. I’m shy and easily flustered to the point that the thought of wearing a blindfold to avoid eye contact during sex sounds safe and secure (part of that is definitely the autism in me though). I hate the thought of being in control, or making decisions and calling the shots. I could probably be on top if my future partner wanted it, but she would have to still be in charge.

I just… I dunno. I’m already short and physically soft, especially with having a chest much larger than I want. Now that I’m realizing how much butchness speaks to me and I’ve been doing my very best to present more masculine, this incredibly submissive aspect to me almost makes me feel lol I’ve done something wrong. Like I’m behaving wrong or being not “butch enough”, even though I know that’s silly. I’m also into far more feminine women, so I worry that once I’m in the dating scene that maybe there will be expectations of me going in as a butch? I dunno.

I guess I just wanted to discuss this with others. I feel a bit silly reaching out, but everyone here seems nice and I like the conversations I’ve seen on here. Thank y’all for reading-

I know the history of the labrys is long and complicated with it having originated as a symbol of lesbianism but also feminism especially radfeminism and that its still somewhat associated with TERF-fuckery today as well as contemporarily being the symbol of some fringe right wing groups in Greece but I personally love it as a symbol and as a transfeminine butch dyke I feel very good about reclaiming it but I wanted to ask:

How do you feel about the Labrys?

so, i’m taking this sexuality class. today we were discussing trans issues and someone brought up trans-androphobia and how it’s wrong that people say trans men experience male privilege.

largely, the class disagreed and said trans men do experience male privilege and that trans women face more hate cause society hates women. in fact, another trans masc said he, and his trans bf, do in fact experience male privilege.

overall, they didn’t really acknowledge that transmasc people get hate. i think it’s cause people think masculinity is the perpetuator of violence and not a recipient of it, which i brought up.

i also talked about how in the lesbian community, being transmasc/butch kinds of puts you at the bottom of the totem pole. we provoke a lot of hate and disgust even from our own community. femininity is the standard.

to a point, i don’t think butch lesbians get that access. i don’t think we get respect; we’re treated as freaks of nature.

anyway, i want to hear people’s thoughts about this.

also, the class is mostly white and upper middle class, so i think that plays into everyone’s thoughts. cause race, economics, etc. really play into passing and accessing privilege.

After realizing that just wearing an undergarment meant for my chest made me feel more dysphoria than binding/sports bras, I kind of just. Stopped. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world who goes out with an E cup without giving a shit, and it's bringing up some insecurity. In the end this is the way that I'm happiest, though, so I really don't want to start wearing bras again just to make strangers more comfortable. Taping my nipples helps with the nerves, and if I wear a crop top that would inevitably lead to me flashing someone by accident, I usually bind. But 99% of the time I just kind of rock it natural style.

Anyone else with big ol' honkers and no bras or binders? I don't want to feel so alone about this :')