r/butchlesbians • u/diasporastud • Feb 18 '26
Discussion how do you feel about the term dyke
I know everyone feels differently about it, some find power in it and others absolutely avoid it
I personally use it proudly and it feels like a good descriptor for my sexuality and gender
what about you?
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u/thunderinourhearts12 Butch she/her Feb 18 '26
I respect anyone who finds power in it and will fight for their right to claim it.
For me, it was used against me so much in my teens, I donāt feel comfortable claiming it. It doesnāt quite address the niche I occupy.
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u/RAV3NH0LM Feb 18 '26
itās my favorite way to describe myself. iām a lesbian, but iām not sapphic or queer or wlw. iām not transmasc or genderqueer.
iām a dyke. thatās it.
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u/a-night-on-the-town Feb 18 '26
Me too! I have a tattoo that says dyke on my leg :)
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u/calmarkel Feb 18 '26
I have a tattoo that says dyke on my wrist. My work makes me wear a watch because it's "offensive"
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u/SweetPewsInAChurch Butch š 2026 Feb 18 '26
Loveee dyke. Love love love. I'm just dyking it up on the daily.
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u/perlabelle Feb 18 '26
I like it. Where I am it tends to be the term used by groups and events that are the most inclusive to people whose identities might not be so easily categorised.
A lot of people round here I know have a more complicated relationship with the term "lesbian" because it was the insult of choice. No one called us dykes growing up, they called us lesbos, lezzas, or sometimes just lesbian (derogatory), so the term has all that negative feeling that the word "dyke" doesn't. Dyke here is a wall lol, I have a coworker who once excitedly announced the arrival of spring by saying "just had my first lunch of the year on the dyke outside!"
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u/Rainstories Butch Feb 18 '26
ive had a similar experience! thereās a lesbian event insta account in my city called dykesin___ (censored for privacy) and a social club in my old city that hosts a dyke night for cruising and dancing
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u/diasporastud Feb 18 '26
Can I ask where you grew up
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u/perlabelle Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 18 '26
North of England/South of Scotland. There was a game people played called Hikey Dykey which sounds like a hate crime, but was just jumping over garden walls until you were caught
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u/calmarkel Feb 18 '26
I knew you were gonna mention Scotland. Didn't know it was also a wall in England
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u/perlabelle Feb 19 '26
It's definitely not as widespread in England, I think maybe only in more conservative dialects and older speakers, but you do still hear it
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u/Beautiful-Gate3483 Butch Feb 18 '26
I like it, but then in the UK nobody really uses it as a slur. (At least, I've experienced plenty of harrassment and bullying but never been called a dyke or heard of anyone actually had it used against them). But it's used a lot here, in my area at least, basically every lesbian event is called "Dyke X".
Sometimes, though, I wonder if it's reflects a reluctance to use the word lesbian.
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u/HenryHarryLarry Feb 18 '26
Raises hand Have had some unpleasantly aggressive men follow me at night shouting āDyke, dyke, dyke!ā It was years ago so I think itās more an old school insult.
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u/sanguinebutch ze/they Feb 18 '26
As a way to describe myself or from other lesbians? Yes, i absolutely love it! I am a dyke, being a dyke is a major part of my identity. From homophobic people using it against me? Ehh, it doesnāt bother me too much but obviously the ill intent is there.
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u/GingerTea69 Feb 18 '26
Honestly I use it for myself as a way to further emphasize both my lesbianism and masculinity.
Like yeah I'm a hot tomboy and a WLW, but "dyke" is a firm planting of my flag deep into not only non-heterosexuality but a natural existence far outside of what people think being a woman means. "I'm a dyke" also emphasizes my non-availability to men in a harder way than "I prefer women". It's a preemptive punch.
Now do I use the word for anyone else? Hell no, unless that person has given me explicit verbal permission to describe them using the word.
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u/Ok-Kai-65 Feb 18 '26
When I was growing up (60's, 70's, 80's) everyone was Gay. The letters LGBTetc wasn't even invented yet. We had a Gay Parades and went to the Gay bars. Everyone is Gay. As time went on I identified more as a dyke than a lesbian. There's a joke amongst my friends and I that we are all dykes since we don't make much money and the lesbian's are rich. To this day I haven't been able to afford an Olivia Cruise, for example. Lesbians go on those cruises. It's all in fun. Today I still identify as gay and also dyke.
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u/First_Time_Caller007 Stone Butch Feb 18 '26
It's the only thing I've ever been called since I was a kid. Not "she's a lesbian" or anything remotely humanizing, just dyke. I don't think I associate positively with it, I wouldn't call someone it lovingly...but it's the only way I identify now. It's not good or bad, it just is.
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u/constructuscorp Feb 18 '26
I've never been called it positively.
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u/diasporastud Feb 18 '26
even by other lesbians?
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u/constructuscorp Feb 18 '26
I've never been called a dyke by a lesbian. Only homophobic straight people.
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u/diasporastud Feb 18 '26
do you ever feel like reclaiming it or you just wanna stay separated from the term?
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u/constructuscorp Feb 18 '26
I'm not sure that I really feel the need to, but it doesn't bother me at all. It does remind me of high school, but I remember when I had my motorbike being very fond of dykes on bikes.
Now I think about it, I don't think I've heard anyone in my country use it in a very long time. Seems almost old-fashioned in my mind!
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u/Valuable_Ad_6753 Butchāš¼ Feb 18 '26
Love calling myself a dyke! Take that shit back you know? Cause Iām not letting a non lesbian say that to me and I get offended. Iām a proud Dyke and I love it
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u/squidsateme Butch Dad Feb 18 '26
I have a ādykeā tattoo. So, pretty charitable.
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u/diasporastud Feb 19 '26
ayeee where at
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u/squidsateme Butch Dad Feb 19 '26
On my upper arm. Maybe Iāll post a selfie Sunday with that picture. Itās very silly.
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u/diasporastud Feb 19 '26
I support it! Iām thinking of getting it either below my breast or wait for potential top surgery and get it below the scar
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u/squidsateme Butch Dad Feb 19 '26
Iād had top surgery when I got it, otherwise I donāt think Iād have placed it there because my boobs were huge and would def have obstructed it lol. Under the scar could be neat. I have a chest tattoo and fortunately it fits right in, but Iāve thought of putting something under that scar line as well.
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u/diasporastud Feb 19 '26
Iām trying to come up with potential chest tattoo designs, my issue is I donāt like most chest pieces I see šš
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u/squidsateme Butch Dad Feb 19 '26
Very fair. I donāt either. I do still feel fond of mine, so thatās a relief!
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u/atomicgirl78 Futch Feb 18 '26
Me, it feels empowering. My wife, hates the term cuz itās been used against her in hateful ways.
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u/Rainstories Butch Feb 18 '26
my last name is bull and my fursona is a cow/bull and iām butch so i think itās pretty fitting that i use bulldyke š¤
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u/constructuscorp Feb 19 '26
Oh my god š the epitome of it! You better get yourself a dagger just to really round it off.
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u/rainbowstardream Feb 18 '26
I like that people are reclaiming it.Ā At the same time,Ā I've been called it and heard it used hatefully enough times that I have an aversion to it.Ā
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u/Sea-Negotiation-444 Feb 18 '26
itās the most aligning self-identity for myself. gender?? Dyke š¤š¼
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u/beast4rent Butch Feb 18 '26
No real relation, as with most other english slang, words and slurs. I don't really want to use it because it's from outside my cultural context; I feel like I don't really own the word.
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u/MadisonLee0987 Feb 18 '26
Iām all about it and my friends and I will call each other fags as well, lovingly. But if anyone straight ever said that, heads would roll.
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Feb 18 '26
It's like the f word, if someone I know is cool or one of our own says it it's great but anyone else saying it makes me wanna throw hands
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u/Elfbutch Butch Feb 18 '26
Love when other people use it for themselves. I use it occasionally around other familiar lesbians. If I hear someone using it at me, it doesn't hurt. I usually can't take them seriously and end up laughing in their face. When I've heard someone lobbing it at others though, I've gotten confrontational.
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u/ToxicFluffer boyfailure butch Feb 18 '26
I like it and use it as a descriptor for myself but itās not frequent.
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u/Time_Literature_7117 Butch Feb 18 '26
I like it, but I don't like when people overuse it. for example I used to have a friend (also lesbian so they could say it) who would call me a dyke any time I tried to talk about my hobbies (like fishing) and then immediately change the subject to something they were interested in instead. it felt like they were just using my more stereotypically butch hobbies as the butt of a joke and never actually took them seriously. other than that I love being called a dyke by other lesbians
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u/Next_Preparation_553 Feb 18 '26
I definitely call myself a dyke. Iām that out and proud loudmouthed leftist (minus the green hair) that the conservatives warn us about so it just seemed fitting lol.
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u/Boompaplift Feb 18 '26
I love it. I refer to myself as one sometimes. I honestly wouldnāt care if someone calls me that bc I donāt see it has an insult but would fuck them up bc I know they meant it has such. I donāt get offended by it bc itās reclaimed for me, I am a dyke and I see no problem with that.
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u/o_oleander Feb 18 '26
obviously i dislike it when itās used as a pejorative but i embrace it as a label
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u/theobromine_junkie Feb 19 '26
Dyke (as both a gender & orientation) & queer are the two labels i use most for myself, & have for literally decades nowā¦ the label of lesbian feels weirdly formal/restrictive/doesnāt fit me comfortably, but i am absolutely a big queer dyke!
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u/diasporastud Feb 19 '26
can you expand on what lesbian vs dyke mean for you
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u/theobromine_junkie Feb 19 '26
For me, lesbian has always implied a pretty rigid āwoman who is only into other womenā category, & (despite feeling at home in this sub) I feel like that doesnāt accurately describe meā¦ Iāve always had more flexibility in my orientation (this is why I like the label queer, too) than the term lesbian encompassed, & also donāt want to disrespect/minimize the genders of my transmasc & nonbinary partners who donāt ID as women.
Dyke, on the other hand, fits me incredibly well as both a gender & an orientation - Iāve always felt like thereās an element of it that involves a total disregard for the interest/preferences of men! Itās hard to explain clearly but it feels less formal & a bit more down to earth, & as something reclaimed itās irreverent in a way I like a lot for myselfā¦ when I first figured out I wasnāt hetero in high school I remember vibing w/ the label of ābabydykeā & even though Iām long past the baby era the core if it still works for me.
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u/nishkiskade Feb 19 '26
Oh man, Iām 37 now and forgot about how much babydyke always resonated with me as a teenager even though it wasnāt used around me much irl.
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u/fuckingsheryl Feb 19 '26
I donāt really like when anyone uses it but I wouldnāt tell any other lesbian to stop. Idk if that makes sense. Itās just my preference. Obviously if a non lesbian uses it I VERY MUCH dislike
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u/Very-Gray-Owl Butch Feb 19 '26
I use dyke with no problem, but years ago I was doing therapy with a woman, I used that term, and she dissolved into tears. It can be a powerful wordāeven too much soāfor some people.
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u/More-Special7838 Feb 19 '26
The weird thing is that I like it but I donāt like it in my native language, and many of my lesbian friends agree too?? We like the term dyke, after all itās who we are (even if it feels weird to call ourselves something thats used against us) but none of us can get over the term marica/marimacha/pajarito so it sometimes makes me wonder how native English speakers or American people even managed to reclaim the word dyke so well
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u/Acceptable_Bear_7066 Feb 19 '26
I love it, specially in a context in which social media has lead a bunch of people to use certain terms like āWLWā or āgirlkisserā as euphemisms for āsapphicā or ālesbianā. Iām not saying theyāre not to be used and I completely understand and feel itās valid to not like to be called a dyke bc of how often itās used against us but I personally use it for myself and really like it when friends and close ones use it to refer to me because I feel the more uncomfortable I can make those who still use euphemistic language in order to avoid talking about sapphic reality, the better (except obviously for those sapphics who feel insulted or hurt by it)
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u/Lopsided_Edge_3871 Feb 19 '26
iāll use it to describe myself but never anyone else unless specifically told to. never know how people feel about the term. i was called it for many years and reclaiming it makes me feel so powerful
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u/uncivilizedwyrm Feb 19 '26
growing up my dad would use it as a slur against any woman celebrity who he viewed as gay or masculine, now i use it to describe myself out of spite lol. i love being a dyke now :) someone's gotta dyke the place up!!
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u/AverageButch Feb 20 '26
It's startling to hear, but I think the more our community owns it, the less sting it will have. Plenty of derogatory terms have been claimed by the groups that they were meant to degrade and it all but destroys the original intentions. So, I'm all for embracing it, so it no longer stings... Even if it hurts at first. I would be willing to go through that initial pain, just to make sure future butches/dykes don't fear or get hurt by that term.
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u/Infinite-Wing1214 Feb 22 '26
My boss called my Dyke as a nickname, I had zero issues with it... HR had several
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u/Thatonecrazywolf Feb 18 '26
I don't use the term for myself and I won't call others it unless they identity with it themselves.
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u/GothicLesbian101 Butch Feb 18 '26
I find it empowering in some respect, but I also donāt like being called it
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u/Ok-Acanthisitta2751 Feb 18 '26
I love it I feel like it really resonates with me, it has a strong history and power that I can feel and be proud
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u/i_really_like_bats_ Feb 18 '26
I personally love it! However not if anyone who isnāt sapphic using it. I self-identify as a dyke and Iām super proud of it, would love to get it tattooed one day. At the end of the day, itās a slur, and essentially I feel super powerful reclaiming it.
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u/hunterphae Butch Feb 18 '26
I personally donāt think itās okay, no matter who says it. If someone referred to me in that way, I would be very upset.
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u/hunterphae Butch Feb 18 '26
Also why? Like why would you like being called that? It took me forever to be okay with being called butch š© like 12 years- and still donāt rly like butch. Itās definitely internalized shit. Dx
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u/Queer_Taina Feb 18 '26
I like it, it's like in Puertorrican Spanish we have the word pata, it is usually used as an "insult" yet I love it! Love just taking over it and all its power, just like dyke.
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u/StinkingCoachpo Feb 19 '26
Im from MA and I dated a girl from Texas and she said that dyke is considered a slur in the lgbt community in Texas. She was shocked when she heard it up here. Ironically, she was a Mexican who used the N word.
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u/candyparfumgirl Feb 19 '26
Love it. I was a teenager and young adult in the 90s so it still feels like a reclamation. I mostly use it around fam, though.
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u/BohemianDragoness Feb 19 '26
honestly i think sometimes i identify more with dyke as a label than anything else
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u/L1ndaTesoro Feb 19 '26
Dyke, queer, tomboy and 'gay woman' is what I call myself. Just what pops up in my head. I hate the word lesbian and in Dutch it sounds even more worse. When it comes to gender I am 100% woman.
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u/diasporastud Feb 19 '26
why do you hete the word lesbian
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u/L1ndaTesoro Feb 19 '26
I don't like the sound. Just something from my upbringing. Lesbian, or lesbisch in Dutch was taught to me as a forbidden dirty word in the rural area I grew up.
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u/lilbebe50 Feb 19 '26
I don't feel butch fits me. Stud is for POC. So I go with dyke mostly. But since I'm unsure of how sometimes others might find it offensive, I usually just call myself masc. I feel I more relate to dyke and stud though.
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u/Ducks_and_Words18 Feb 21 '26
I love dyke. Butch/futch/femme always makes me anxious and people are so judgmental (Iāll tell someone Iām futch, they say itās not real. I say Iām butch, they tell me Iām not masculine enough). I just identify as a masculine lesbian (āsoft mascā) but dyke? 10/10, can never miss the mark. Iām a dyke, youāre a dyke, weāre all dykes! I love dykes.
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u/Acrobatic-Ask-8260 Feb 18 '26
itās specifically a term created to demean black lesbians so itās ingrain in my gender identity. technically iām nonbinary, but i wholeheartedly identify as a dyke
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u/twosilentletters Feb 18 '26
When lesbians use it š„°š„³š¤š¼
When people outside the family use it š¤¬š£š„