r/butchlesbians • u/Curious_Bus_7881 • Nov 02 '25
Discussion I’m an enby butch dyke who got bottom surgery
Hey y’all, I’m a longtime lurker/occasional commenter here but first time poster. I’m in my early 30’s, been on a low dose of T for a few years, had top surgery a couple years ago, and this year I got bottom surgery (phalloplasty). I was a stone butch for many years, I used to pack and treat the strap on as my cock, and after struggling so much with bottom dysphoria, I decided to get the strap permanently attached. It’s been a beautifully interesting and challenging journey, I’ve realized how much of my own unlearning I had to do that dick=man, but I know it was the right decision for me and I love this new version of my butch cock. I’ve met other enbies who have had phallo or meta, but I haven’t encountered any butches/lesbians who have, so if there are any in here I’d love to connect. I’m also open to questions if people have any. Mostly, I just wanted to share my experience since I haven’t come across others like mine.
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u/questionfear Nov 02 '25
What’s your recovery experience been like?
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 02 '25 edited Nov 02 '25
Recovery was definitely intense and challenging, but I’ve been very lucky that things have gone pretty smoothly. Different surgical teams stage things differently, but for me Stage 1 was the most intense- I was in the hospital for 5 days and in full-on recovery mode for 4 weeks. I had a catheter that whole time, doing wound care, weekly post-op appointments. I was on bed rest the first 4 days in the hospital, and was extremely weak when they first let me get up, so very short walks took everything out of me for the first week or so. I gradually worked my way up to 30 minute walks by 3 or 4 weeks post op. I was still healing for another 2 months after that, but I was independent and felt more like a normal person during that period. The third month I probably could’ve been back at work but I wanted to give myself as much time to heal and come into my new body as possible. I just had stage 2 a few weeks ago and that was much easier. I went home the same day, I was independent in all of my care and daily tasks, and I felt totally fine by the 2 week mark. I expect stage 3 to be similar.
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u/rhiless Nov 02 '25
I’m curious this as well! I got top surgery knowing the recovery would be fairly easy (and it was), and I’ve always been curious about bottom surgery, but I’ve always seen that the recovery for it is obviously so much more involved that it’s not been something I’ve really considered.
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u/MysteriousAd6434 they/them/it/its, queer and happy 2 be here. Nov 02 '25
Woah, that’s awesome, I’m just a stranger but congrats and I’m happy for you! I hope your recovery goes smooth. From lurking for a while, I think I have seen someone here with meta once. I do think about it a lot, cus I have bottom dysphoria..
If this question is rude, I’m sorry, please tell me, but if you’re in any dating scenes, is anyone weird to you or anything? I just ask cus I’ve had bad experiences, by just telling people I use they/them, or that if we were intimate I’d be binding my chest and mostly clothed. Have a good one.
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 02 '25
Thank you! I have a girlfriend and she’s been amazing. We’re non-monogamous and I’ve only had one hookup with someone else since surgery, but they were very chill about it, asked for and respected my boundaries, and were very into my cock which was super affirming. I’ve also nsfw-chatted with a few people online and they were all cool about it.
Even before surgery, I had to have a conversation with the people I was hooking up with about my body boundaries and how I wanted them to refer to my cock, etc. I was always nervous for those convos and I have been for these newer ones as well, but I’ve been fortunate that I’ve pretty much only had positive responses from people. I always go into knowing that people may have genital preferences that don’t align with my body and that’s totally fair, it just means we’re not sexually compatible. At the end of the day, if someone isn’t on board with my boundaries and how I want my body touched/named/treated, then they’re not someone I’m comfortable having sex with.
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u/MysteriousAd6434 they/them/it/its, queer and happy 2 be here. Nov 02 '25
Awesome, thanks for answering, and I’m glad it’s overall been a positive experience for you!
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u/Some-random-transfem trans non-binary butch💛🤍💜🖤 Nov 04 '25
As a transfem/MTF butch (neither of those terms really feel right for me due to not being fem or female, but for simplicity's sake, I still use them to describe the way I've transitioned), I always find it so cool to see posts like this from transmasc butches who have complete opposite transition experiences from me. It also weirdly helps with dysphoria, seeing other butches actively enjoy and strive for the things that I want to get rid of - since I started browsing this sub, my mindset on the things that make me dysphoric have shifted a lot more towards the idea that they're not negative features, just features that aren't right for me in particular. It's amazing just how wide the spectrum of butch-ness is <3
Congrats on your bottom surgery! I hope the recovery is going well ^^
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 04 '25
Aw I love to hear that. Transfem folks have definitely helped me with my dysphoria and showing me all the different genders that might have dicks attached.
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u/SunnyAlwaysDaze Stone, Dom, butch AF Nov 02 '25
Do you have the pump-up type one? Are you liking it? I have considered it as a butch who feels similarly about their strap. But I'm also old with a connective tissue disorder so it seems probably too late for me although I do think about and wonder. Wish these would have been options when I was younger and healing was better.
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 02 '25
I don’t have the pump yet, but I’m planning to get it in my next and final stage. I’m really looking forward to being able to get hard on my own. Right now if I want to penetrate, I wrap my cock in coban wrap and slide a condom over it to make it rigid. If you’re interested, you may want to check out phallo subreddit (r/phallo) if you haven’t already. I know there are some people with different pre-existing conditions and a few older folks in there whose experiences you could read about using the search bar. Good luck to you either way :)
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u/SunnyAlwaysDaze Stone, Dom, butch AF Nov 02 '25
That's really cool and thank you for answering. Hope you're able to get that soon and it works just exactly as you like.
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u/deathlevelerofmen Nov 02 '25
What made you choose a phallo over a meta? Been thinking about getting an extended metoidioplasty (no urethral routing) myself.
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 02 '25
A few reasons:
My tdick was on the smaller side even after bottom growth and was positioned pretty low down so I wasn’t sure what kind of outcome I’d be able to get with meta
My tdick was hypersensitive and some stimulation could be painful, so I wasn’t convinced that using my meta dick would even be pleasurable. This is also why I chose to bury my tdick when I got phallo rather than leave it out and have 2 dicks
I knew that a lot of the sex I wanted to have required a bigger cock. I also wanted to feel the weight and size of a phallo cock. While I love meta cocks and do get some gender envy about them sometimes, I knew that I would still be dysphoric and long for the bigger cock that I had always imagined
If my anatomy had been more ideal, I could see myself having gotten meta in addition to phallo and leaving it unburied, but my body and dysphoria led me in a different direction
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u/FizzBoyo FTM Butch | 💉2018 | 🔪 2020 Nov 02 '25
First off congrats.
I’m looking into Meta after 7 years on T, but I’m always concerned about losing sensation even when it comes to meta (which is less invasive). I’m also unique in that I still want to keep the opening (even tho I don’t use it) and have a dick. Idk if it’s even possible, I’m not super dysphoric when it comes to bottom part, I used to be but it’s mellowed out since I’ve been on T for so long. I don’t strap either (I’m like super Ace and rarely do it and when I do I’m a lot more submissive), but it would be nice to penetrate, my partner often wants me to strap but I don’t like feeling like I’m hooked up to a contraption, it feels foreign to me.
I’ve already basically lost feeling in my chest (I have some but like 50% sensation and I had top surgery 5 years ago) so I’m scared the same will happen with bottom surgery so I’ve been putting it off.
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u/ConnorLoch Nov 03 '25
Hey! So it's not too unique to keep the hole and get the dick. I've seen a few folks in porn with that set up, and it's also what I'm interested in, if I ever get bottom surgery. Focused on getting the hysto first, though.
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u/FizzBoyo FTM Butch | 💉2018 | 🔪 2020 Nov 03 '25
Yeah that’s the first step, I’m just a lazy bitch and since I haven’t had my period for 7 years now I just never bother getting a hysto 😅
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 02 '25
Thanks! I hope you figure out something that feels right for you. I know for phallo it’s extremely rare to lose sensation in your natal parts, and def possible to keep the front hole, but I’m not familiar with the ins and outs of meta so I can’t speak to that. It’s great to hear that your dysphoria has mellowed out since being on T
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u/Every_Ad4050 Nov 03 '25
Happy for you! It’s beautiful how many kinds of experiences humans can have.
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u/gor3asauR transmasc service top (he/him) Nov 03 '25
Congrats! Right now I’m in the beginning of my transition journey! I can’t wait to start T.
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Nov 03 '25
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 03 '25
Fortunately, it was covered by insurance, so I just paid the copays for the hospital admission and the pre and post op visits, plus a few hundred dollars for medical supplies after stage 1. I’m lucky in that I live near an excellent surgical team who were a good match for me, so I didn’t have to pay for travel and accommodations.
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u/d-clussie Nov 05 '25
I’m nonbinary & butch (been on t for a minute now) and I fully plan on getting top surgery and bottom surgery at some point in my future. I love seeing other butches eating and going through the same things!
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 06 '25
Hey 👋 awesome to meet another butch enby on a similar path. I hope everything goes well for you
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u/nutsmcgump Nov 03 '25
Hellllll yeah I've got mine factory stock but welcome to the nb butch dyke with a dick club 😎
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u/moon_body Nov 03 '25
I have thought about this a lot and really appreciate you posting! congrats <3
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 03 '25
Thanks! And glad it was helpful :) if you end up pursuing it and have more questions feel free to reach out
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u/Loud_Independent7699 Nov 04 '25
Hello, I’m butch and I want bottom surgery and I have bottom dysphoria. Can we message and can I ask some questions about phallo
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Nov 07 '25
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 07 '25
Aw thank you ☺️, it’s always nice to hear that from a femme. As far as figuring out phallo was right for me, it was largely due to my dysphoria being so bad and being tired of dealing with it that it finally outweighed my initial fears about the intensity of surgery and recovering and not knowing if bottom surgery could give me what I needed. I worked on my bottom dysphoria a lot in therapy and was definitely able to be kinder to my body and find more acceptance of it, but even with those positive changes the feeling of misalignment was profound. I started researching phallo in depth, largely on Reddit. The more I read about people’s experiences the more I realized how much relief phallo could provide. And I was pleasantly surprised to discover how many of my needs and desires it could meet.
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Nov 07 '25
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 07 '25
Yeah, the lack of a blueprint is a blessing and a curse haha. It’s been a confusing but super worthwhile journey into self. And it feels like a continuous process of teasing out what it my voice and what is my internalization of the gender binary/norms. Since my most recent surgery, I’ve been having lots of moments of body euphoria 😊. I’ve been able to connect with my cock a lot more, my body as a whole, and old parts of myself that haven’t come out in a long time.
Enby butch dyke or enby butch lesbian feels like the best way to capture my gender and sexuality. I wouldn’t call myself stone anymore because I’m willing to receive pleasure anywhere on my body. But, in some ways, this feels like an evolution of my stoneness.
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u/ajversustheworld Nov 07 '25
as a tmasc butch who has a complex rs with gender and increasingly bad bottom dysphoria lately, this is so fcking awesome i'm so happy for you & it's so reassuring and comforting to know there are in fact butches out there who've gotten bottom surgery thanks for sharing :')
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u/Curious_Bus_7881 Nov 07 '25
It’s comforting knowing that it’s something on other butches’ minds. Sorry you’re dealing with dysphoria, but I hope you find some relief in one way or another
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u/rigarooni Nov 03 '25
i’m butch and had phallo! glad you shared; I spend a lot of time in surgery spaces and often feel like the only one. though i’m not super open about being butch so it’s possible there’s more of us and we’re all just shy like me.