r/butchlesbians • u/twofacedpandaa Butch • Aug 23 '25
Discussion Lesbian TikTok made me quit the app in one day
I know it's probably very dumb to expect anything else from online spaces but I downloaded TikTok today and was just looking for some silly lesbian memes and pretty women to follow.
What I got instead was an insane amount of butch phobic content and crazy hate towards masculine presenting lesbians.
I am not very into the whole online culture so I didn't expect that at all and was quite honestly shocked to be seeing and reading that from fellow lesbians. Usually I feel a deep comradery between femmes and butches but this does not seem to be the case on TikTok.
I assume it's because TikToks user base seems to be much younger than other socials. What do you guys think could be the reason for this?
The screenshots I took were just from one video, where it was mostly about that Fem4fem relationship don't get taken seriously enough. I do agree with that take so I was very surprised to see the comments. However while this was just one video I did see a whole lot of similar content regarding distate towards masculine presenting lesbians.
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u/Local-Suggestion2807 nonbinary slightly transmasc chapstick femme Aug 23 '25
honestly as a femme who likes both a big indicator for me of how compatible I am with another femme is how they treat butches
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u/Zordorfe black femme Aug 23 '25
Same, like my preference is for other femmes but if you treat butches badly then we can't vibe. Half of the time, I am stud too so how will you treat me? It's a big thing for me that we treat other lesbians right
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u/Sharplikeathorn Femme Aug 23 '25
Personally, I think if you treat butches badly you're not a femme
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u/zapering Aug 24 '25
Right? Since when are terms like butch or femme purely aesthetic, these people need to learn their own history before spewing such nonsense.
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u/ElectricVoltaire Androgynous enby butch Aug 24 '25
Exactly, it's not an aesthetic or fashion statement. Being femme is about more than just being feminine
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u/GirlKisser900 Aug 24 '25
THIS SO HARD. Even if itās the case that they love butches (just like me š«¶ I love yāall bad) itās also in how she expresses that she loves them. If she sees butches as replacements for men or is fetishizing? Absolutely not.
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u/wyldejinx Aug 23 '25
its giving women in male fields cause why are they calling women men? its like when a man says "why do lesbians date women who look like men why not date a man"
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u/russiartyyy Aug 23 '25
I say this as someone who is of a younger generation; a lot of us do NOT touch enough grass. Their queer community is 99% online and it spawns all sorts of weird (and very tired) opinions and discourse.
I would ignore it/block/report and move on.
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u/AvaSpelledBackwards2 Butch Aug 23 '25
Absolutely. Iām only 21 and the way some queer people my age (give or take) talk makes me feel ancient. My gf and I (butch4femme) just had to explain the difference between butch and masc to a whole bunch of other college-age lesbians. We were shocked that none of them knew the difference, but a lot of younger queer people unfortunately donāt take the time to educate themselves outside of tiktok.
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u/Brilliant-Bug-7937 Butch Aug 23 '25
Also 21 and seconding this. I donāt treat TikTok like a real place anymore, itās just a collection of brainrot
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u/AvaSpelledBackwards2 Butch Aug 23 '25
I deleted TikTok months ago for a variety of reasons and Iām so glad I did. I definitely think people who use TikTok should treat it the way you do. It can be a great source of education, but itās important to seek out creators who actually know what theyāre talking about if youāre using it educationally.
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u/thanksig Aug 23 '25
yuppppp, and many of our generation don't care to learn the community's history which really saddens me.
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u/Neto-77 Aug 24 '25
Very true, thereās an online football community I follow and you can tell when the younger fans are active because there is a lot of body shaming and general hate towards butch players. Also, they never say butch unless used as a slur. I only hear masc nowadays.
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u/Annual_Taste6864 Aug 23 '25
Yea idk where the idea that being butch is trendy is coming from. Like maybe itās trending upward, but people are still hating a lot on gnc lesbians like always. Thereās definitely an assimilationist reaction to everything happening rn
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u/El_Matcho448 Aug 23 '25
Itās fine if they donāt want masc women
More for me.
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Aug 23 '25
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u/El_Matcho448 Aug 23 '25
I say this as if one talked to me I would be able to speak š
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Aug 23 '25
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u/El_Matcho448 Aug 23 '25
You actually have luck on them????? I get ghosted as soon as I say hi
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Aug 23 '25
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u/El_Matcho448 Aug 23 '25
Yeah if they donāt just stop responding, they will schedule a date with me then cancel and ghost š
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u/CivilThrowawy Butch Aug 23 '25
If you donāt want to date butches thatās fine, but putting us down isnāt.
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Aug 23 '25
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u/Kejones9900 Aug 23 '25
"for homos"? Gonna have to explain that one to me, kinda lost
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Aug 23 '25
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u/Kejones9900 Aug 23 '25
Eww. Maybe think of a better way to say gay men (for instance - gay men!)
Also, masc women exist? Just like fem men exist. By your comment we're basically just saying men and women, but different.
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Aug 23 '25
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u/Vermouche Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 23 '25
If you are a gay male can you please stop talking so much in this sub
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u/Dawnspark Aug 23 '25
I didn't even think men were allowed to post here cause of the sidebar rules lol.
It's kinda weird.
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u/Kejones9900 Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 23 '25
"homo" is akin to "dyke" in that it is a common slur. If you like the term for YOU, use it self referentially. Do not use it when generalizing to all gay men, however.
As for your other point, what would you say about a masc4masc lesbian couple then? Because based on your other comment you seem to think it's a label exclusive to men?
Edit - also hard agree with Vermouche. This is a space for sapphic folks
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u/yakeets Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 23 '25
I donāt even think itās distasteful to put āno butchesā in your dating profile or something. You should be honest about your preferences. Thatās literally what dating apps are for. Whatās not OK is the shit in this screenshot deriding butchesā āI donāt need women in boxers,ā āIāll just get a BF,ā etc.
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u/CivilThrowawy Butch Aug 23 '25
However someone chooses to identify is great! If thatās how you love then celebrate that in anyway you can
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u/Next_Preparation_553 Aug 23 '25
I use those terms because itās a quick wad of identifying dating preferences when on a dating profile. I even appreciate the dating profiles that flat out state āno femmesā or āno masc/butchā because as a butch lesbian I much preferred to know straight out that Iām not their type. Particularly as a butch4butch lesbian Iām well aware that not every woman I find attractive is going to find me attractive or want to date me.
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Aug 23 '25
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u/Next_Preparation_553 Aug 23 '25
Honestly I donāt see it that way but too I see more people just put in their dating profiles āno femmes/butchesā which I think is more than fair. Thereās a LOT of women who fall outside of the femme/butch identity or just might identify as one even if they present as one. My girlfriend never considered herself butch she just thought of herself as a lesbian so if I had stated I was butch4butch she likely wouldnāt have even thought she matched with me. Iām not drawn to femme women and I wouldnāt date a woman who identified as a femme but I probably would have dated a chapstick lesbian and I did go on a date here and there with the hippie/crystal type lesbians so personally I think itās fair to put in your profile youāre not interested in a particular type of woman. I saw women putting in that they were career oriented and only wanted to date like minded women which told me we would never be a good match. Itās fair to let others know what you are/arenāt looking for and itās not always centered on dismissing a group for a toxic reasoning. Genuinely Iām not attracted to femme women, Iām VERY attracted to masculine presenting women but thereās also a range of women that fall outside of those two identifiers and I can find myself attracted to some of them so I can understand others using that language in an online dating profile. I never took offense when a masc presenting woman had āno masc womenā on her profile, it told me that she wouldnāt be into me most likely and that was fine for me! And she might not have been masc4femme she could be open to any assortment of different lesbians but not masculine ones. My girlfriend would have been likely to put in her profile āno crystal loving lesbiansā if she had thought about it! Her joke is that she fears when I live in Iām going to have a huge collection of crystals that I keep hidden from herā¦.im at the point that when I start packing Iām going to label about 5 boxes ācrystalsā just to hear her reaction when unloaded the U-Haul ššš
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u/no_name_baby Aug 23 '25
I always skip things like that and now i have very butch friendly Tik Tok. Just train the algorythm. It'd stop showing you content like this soon. Mine is very well trained, I don't see shit like this at all.
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u/SquareAnywhere Aug 24 '25
Exactly. I don't think I've ever seen anything anti butch because the app figured out I was butch very quickly and and boy did it tailorĀ
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u/perpetuallyconfused7 Femme Aug 23 '25
This, I see so many people say how terrible tiktok is. It can honestly be a great app if you know how to train the algorithm.
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u/Miss_MewingForever Aug 24 '25
same with mine. it took a lot of hitting the ānot interestedā button to clean my fyp lmao
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u/Next_Preparation_553 Aug 24 '25
I rarely hit the not interested because it figured out not only was I a lesbian before I was fully out but that I was a butch toošš like damned fall for one thirst trap and one laundry TikTok and suddenly Iām surrounded by lesbians? I mean, no complaints, but damnedā¦:š
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u/pinkapoppy_ Aug 24 '25
stand by this, my tiktok feed thankfully hasnāt got these sorts of people on it anymore. find that echo chamber itās safer :(
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u/NitroGenesis17 Aug 23 '25
Itās both infuriating and depressing to see how pervasive butchphobia and anti femme/butch sentiment is in the online community. I do think a lot of it comes from young lesbians that are uneducated on lesbian history.
As a femme, I choose to stay in butch/femme spaces online to avoid it.
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u/Confident_Republic57 Butch Aug 23 '25
Donāt listen to kiddos who donāt even know the difference between feminine and Femme. š¤·
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u/Dawnspark Aug 24 '25
I'm genuinely uncomfortable from the way some of these people post. It comes off as so hateful and prejudiced at points. The stud comment alone sounds like a massive red flag.
"elite & elusive." sounds like a personal problem cause isn't femme4femme common as fuck? lol?
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u/ElectricVoltaire Androgynous enby butch Aug 24 '25
Right like the way they singled out studs specifically....just say you're racist and go
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u/Dawnspark Aug 24 '25
Right? I had to double take on that one and make sure I read it right.
Like, what the fuck.
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u/Brilliant-Bug-7937 Butch Aug 24 '25
fem4fem is common as fuck. If it was femme4femme theyād have respect left for butches
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u/Dawnspark Aug 24 '25
Right, like, I just instantly started thinking of "but isn't there a butch shortage?" I'm just kinda losing my mind at "elusive."
Like girl, are you telling on yourself or what lmao.
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u/beeikea Aug 23 '25
calling butches heteronormative is batshit
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Aug 23 '25
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u/beeikea Aug 23 '25
fellas is it heteronormative to be in a lesbian relationship?
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Aug 23 '25
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u/beeikea Aug 23 '25
fellas is it heteronormative to be in a lesbian relationship? or even a gay relationship?
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u/sleepycar99 Aug 23 '25
Weird take! How is a lesbian relationship heteronormative?
Is a butch-femme relationship heteronormative simply because there is a masculine-presenting person and a feminine-presenting person? If so, then where do long haired butches stand in all of this? What about femmes with pixie cuts. What about butches who wear makeup? What about femmes who wear overalls and suits?
Or is it heteronormative because of the societal roles the masculine-presenting person and the feminine-presenting person inhabit? And if thatās the case, what if the feminine person is the breadwinner who fixes cars on the weekend while the masculine person stays at home and cooks, cleans, and gardens? Does that make the relationship not heteronormative?
Your logic starts to break down when we start questioning it
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Aug 23 '25
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u/sleepycar99 Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 23 '25
That is simply an incorrect definition of heteronormativity. Heteronormativity is built on the idea that heterosexuality is the norm. Heterosexuality is when a man is attracted to a woman or a woman is attracted to a man. A a butch-femme relationship is by definition NOT heterosexual because it is a relationship where a butch person (NOT A MAN) is attracted to a femme person (ALSO NOT A MAN). Nowhere in a butch-femme relationship is a man attracted to a woman, or is a woman attracted to a man. Therefore, unless you are relying on the idea of gender roles to define heteronormativity (which you claim you are not), then a butch-femme relationship is by definition NOT heteronormative because there is nothing heterosexual about a butch-femme relationship at all.
And if you are relying on gender roles to define heteronormativityā¦ please see my argument above about why that logic breaks down
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Aug 23 '25
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u/sleepycar99 Aug 23 '25
First of all, you just identified yourself as a gay man in another comment so I have no idea why you think you can speak on this subject to begin with? You have no idea what the lesbian experience is like so to make such bold claims like you have throughout this thread is completely unwarranted and quite frankly is just you trying to occupy space in a subreddit that is not for you.
Second of all, your logic breaks down further when you claim that butch4butch and femme4femme struggle with heteronormativity even more than butch-femme. Butch4butch and femme4femme literally exist outside of a masculine-feminine dynamic. So I donāt see how lesbians in either a butch4butch or a femme4femme relationship would struggle with the idea that the masculine or feminine would need a compliment when these relationships have the same gender dynamics. And speaking from experience as a member of the lesbian community who has been in both femme4femme and butch4butch, I know for a fact that neither struggle with heteronormativity because the whole point is that there IS NO MAN. Which also applies to butch-femme. To say otherwise is speaking from a place of arrogance because you simply are not part of the lesbian community and cannot speak on what femmes and butches struggle with.
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Aug 23 '25
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u/sleepycar99 Aug 23 '25
Except you donāt. Because a relationship with men is EXTREMELY different and subject to societal pressures that lesbians are not subject to, and vice versa.
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u/beeikea Aug 23 '25
there's no such thing as a lesbian or gay relationship that is "the norm." butch4femme couples get just as much shit as femme4femme and butch4butch, because of homophobia. that's where you're severely misunderstanding. butches are not men, butch =/= male masculinity and therefore a butch4femme attraction or relationship is not heteronormative.
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Aug 23 '25
Are you under the age of 20? I mean this with full offense, only people with no real life experience think like this
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u/_JosiahBartlet Aug 23 '25
Heās a gay man that is probably making 70% of the comments in this thread
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u/pamperedhippo fat femme š§”š¤š©· Aug 23 '25
as someone whoās exclusively into butches, itās shit like this that made it take YEARS for me to realize i am NOT bisexual, i AM a lesbian. MASCULINITY!!! DOES NOT EQUAL!!!! MALE!!!!
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u/ZhahnuNhoyhb Aug 23 '25
The only time I've been reminded of straight men while talking to a lesbian was when a femme said they only like women that "look straight."
If I wanted to spend half my money and free time on looking good for someone else, I would date a man.
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u/sleepycar99 Aug 23 '25 edited Aug 23 '25
As someone who has dated both femmes and mascsā¦ I can confidently say that both are capable of emotional terrorism and toxicity is not exclusive to just mascs.
Instead of painting an entire demographic with a broad brush, why canāt we accept that no one in the queer community should be treated as a monolith because people are complex and diverse. Do not listen to these people. Go hang with queers who go outside
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u/United_Pain Aug 23 '25
"Go hang with queers that go outside" is the single best quote I've heard from the queer community in years. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes & yes. If more people said this it would solve so many problems!
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u/proprietorofnothing Aug 24 '25
Motherfuckers in my generation (Gen Z) are chronically online as fuck. Many of them literally could NOT define the difference between masc, butch, and stud; it's just all "fuckboy" to them, because their only frame of reference is other chronically-online people who all parrot the same talking points and "jokes." I suspect many of them have never interacted with us IRL, because they don't hit up any spaces that have people who aren't exactly like them! This is also why I stay away from any online lesbian groups that doesn't explicitly support butches. Shit gets demoralizing real quick otherwise.
Side note ā implying that studs have baby mamas is so gross and baffling as fuck ā did they hit the anti-black racism so hard that they forgot that most studs are, well, not really capable of getting people pregnant on their own? Are the studs out there just buying out sperm banks like it's Black Friday???? Have they discovered the secret to homemade IVG?? I am simply astonished by this take.
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u/kakusei_zero Aug 23 '25
discourse always increases whenever school gets out for the summer, so take that as you will LOL
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u/PavlovsDroog Aug 23 '25
A lot of it is just chronically online 16 yr olds with no life experience but a lot of terrible hot takes. Pay it no mind and just interact with the better content and you'll get over to the butch and masc friendly side.
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u/kowaliki Butch Aug 23 '25
Who needs enemies when tiktok fems are treating you like cishet men already. This is why I avoid lesbiantok content at all costs, except for following a few fellow butches and mascs, lol.
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u/mosinnia Aug 23 '25
even ppl who arenāt attracted to butches are simply obsessed with usā¦ many such cases!
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u/iskarra Aug 24 '25
baby lesbians love to reinvent lesbian separatism and political lesbianism every 10 years or so
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u/jessiesgirllol she/her Aug 24 '25
The appeal of masc girls to me is that theyāre not men, but women who are more masculine š I like all kinds of women and thereās nothing straight about liking any woman as a woman. Its not āmight as well date a manā because again literally the point is sheās a woman
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u/Next_Preparation_553 Aug 23 '25
Iām very much on TikTok and I can guarantee you you wound up on the wrong side of lesbian TikTok. If you want some good content creators start with Megan married Meagan, Morgan & Jenna, blacksuitblonde, bigsexy81, Ria Demiri, jkiillem, Laura und alina, Ingrid elida These are just a few that I follow. The nice part of TikTok is once you teach the algorithm what you like seeing it presents you more people that align with those interests. Almost all of my feed is either politics, masc lesbians, queer content. Drinking and food. Oh and crafts because Iām nothing if not varied in the things I enjoyš I have never seen such toxic things as this from within the queer space I usually occupy on TikTok!
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Aug 24 '25
99% of the takes I see online are definitely from people who are chronically online/donāt touch enough grass. Thereās a very marked difference with having queer people to talk to irl vs online. My experience is that irl queer people that I talk to are not about gatekeeping and encouraging phobia towards anyone.
Probs for the best that TikTok is yeeted for you OP. So sorry you experienced all that though, itās always so discouraging
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u/GrimCityGirl Aug 23 '25
Thats insane, I follow a lot of masc lesbian accounts and they get a lot of thirst š I am shocked people think like this but tbf the net is full of lunatics
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u/vampireweekendfan Aug 23 '25
im femme4butch which to ME is the elitest elite lesbian pairing ....aside from butch4butch šš
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u/Friendly_Bear1039 Butch Bear Aug 24 '25
Try to ignore it as best as you can. Many of these users are young, inexperienced, and they merely repeat what they hear others say without researching nor caring for lesbian history. It is extremely disheartening, of course, but it is a given. Butches, mascs, and studs are lovely. You are lovely.
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u/NebulaDapper124 Aug 23 '25
Ewwww that's not what my tiktok looks like. I'm sorry you were given that
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Aug 24 '25
Omgg i hate these people saying butches are the same as men. I am a femme and i love butches and to me there is a clear difference between them and men.
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u/Summer_Writes Aug 24 '25
My Tiktok feed knows that all I want to see is Butches doing Butch things. The system only selects for engagement at it doesn't care if it's sweet Butches fixing a motorcycle or femme rage bait as long as you are watching it. Just don't have time for the negativity and it will go away. I just wish that strategy worked with Republicans and religous fundamentalists.
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u/thehandsofaniris Aug 24 '25
Chapstick lesbian who follows this sub for solidarity purposes; please take this list of cool and awesome lesbians on TikTok who arenāt posting stupid shit like this
notyournavvy
butchalicious
yeeeeedinonuggy
coffeespresslay
that.blue.roan
boyishspit
lesbianrage365
goodgoodbuddy
aalimeat
noelleleahh
parismwendwa
fabled_femme
hoetotheworld
onionfreak
linzay_the_kid
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u/Zordorfe black femme Aug 23 '25
Other femme4femmes are so fucking embarrassing sometimes šāš¾
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Aug 24 '25
LITERALLY. It's been difficult to find femme/femme content on tumblr (I mean ACTUAL femme/femme content, not the bullshit lesbian representation in mainstream media and porn) so I got all excited to see more of that on tiktok...and it's this embarrassing and hateful shit? VOM.
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u/MarionberryFair113 Aug 24 '25
As someone whoās pretty close to this new generation of queer people, this kind of behavior is unfortunately common but also mostly online. A lot of the younger queer spaces are online where this kind of thing can run rampant without the same kind of social consequences for it. The queer people who are involved in in-person queer spaces donāt have the same view points, at least not to this type of extreme and in my experiences, are more open to having a conversation and change their viewpoints, vs the young queers who exclusively have their experiences validated in an echo chamber (not that Iām dissing online queer spaces, but ppl really need to touch grass and say hi to people irl every now and then)
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u/here4thefreecake Aug 24 '25
this isnāt representative of real life. i know at least 5 lesbian couples IRL (probably more) and theyāre all butch/femme or masc/femme. my femme wife and i are the odd ones out and that used to bother me but idgaf anymore. try not to take any of this discourse personally. we all have preferences and opinions are like assholes, everybody has one!
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u/Kngfthsouth Aug 23 '25
Idk ive seen brutal youthful attacks on reddit also. I think mostly both skew reall young
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u/inspectorpickle Aug 23 '25
As the circle of gays expand, itās bound to include a LOT of stinkers u_u
Also, Iām about to make some pretty huge assumptions about these people but I feel like maybe they just havenāt experienced much homophobia? Like in their head, we won the culture war in the obama era (when they were like 5 probably, for my own sanity i am choosing to assume these are people ~5 years younger than me š¬) and they donāt feel like there is any need for unity or community with queer people who are different from them.
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u/CronusDinerGM Aug 24 '25
Damn. Ive never ended up on this side of TikTok before and I am even more content with where my algorithm lives, now.
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u/grrrlhusband Stud Aug 24 '25
Do you have the link to this video still? I have an account on there where I document hatred towards masc and gnc lesbians and these would be perfect for it unfortunately
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u/Strange-Cup-2847 Aug 24 '25
I only follow butches and mascs on there, especially if they're butch4butch or masc4masc. It filters a lot of that content out.
The lack of self-awareness in those kinds of comments always pisses me off. They devalue women they don't find attractive just like misogynistic men do, but I'm too much like a man because of the way I dress. That makes perfect sense.
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u/AirportOk8750 Transmasc enby butch Aug 24 '25
The stud comment feels simultaneously butch-hating and racist
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u/kaijube Aug 23 '25
TikTok is one where you really have to curate your algorithm. Quickly scroll past anything that makes you mad without engaging, engage with stuff you like, pretty soon youāll have a nice space. I think it defaults to showing hateful shit until you train it otherwise (which sucks). I barely see any drama or bad takes anymore, itās all tiny cool queer people that live in my phone š
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u/GirlKisser900 Aug 24 '25
99% of them leaving those kind of comments think fem and femme are the same thing and have never opened a book or spoken to our elders about butchfemme culture and how itās shaped our community. They think itās some kind of heteronormativity but butches have always been on the front lines for our rights, and femmes have always protected butches using the privilege of our outward aesthetic matching the heteronormativity they claim weāre perpetuating. If anything is heteronormative itās that they believe thereās one way to be a woman and that itās the one white nationalists prescribed. They can unpack that themselves and keep butches out of their mouths until they learn to treat them with respect. Disrespectfully, a femme.
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u/maskimoo Any Pronouns Butch Lesbian Aug 24 '25
tbh i wouldnāt even listen to these people. itās clear they donāt know the differences between fem vs femme, butch vs masc.
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u/Timely_Sweet653 Comrade dyke Aug 24 '25
They say it's heteronormative to date a butch... and then in the same sentence that if they want a masc they'll get a man???? Make it make sense
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u/lavender_moon22 Aug 25 '25
Itās wild to be so anti butch when half of them are literally the reason youāre even at Pride.
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u/Correct-Breadfruit81 Aug 27 '25
There's always some butch hate going viral on that app and it really bothers me too
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u/Alternative-State675 Sep 10 '25
āIf I wanted to date someone masculine, I would date a manā
Shut up shut up shut the fuck upĀ
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u/Awkward-Smile-70 Aug 24 '25
Oh yeah a lot of Tiktok hates butches it's so sad :/
They also hate stones too [so many posts about "breaking in" their stone top & shit]
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u/masukomi Aug 23 '25
Like all social space online thereās a lot of evil but also, as others have said, the algorithm is amazing and picks up on what you like very quickly.
Mostly just by what you spend time watching more than anything else.
Iāve got a ton of great people in my āfollowingā feed and my āfor youā feed is 80% interesting stuff and 20% āmehā that i flip past quickly
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Aug 24 '25
you would not survive twitter at all š¤£š¤£But genuinely when I see discussions like this. Its one of two things 1) someone is forcing an identity so want to police certain things due to their own insecurity 2)rage bait to engage people in discourse they know means absolutely nothing in the real world.
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u/loonyxdiAngelo agender stone butch Aug 24 '25
my god comments like this make me glad to be a butch. because imagine being a femme who likes both butches and femmes and having to weed through all that.
also i bet those girlys never even thought about gender. like. my god.
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u/B3G-CRY Butch Aug 24 '25
not all lesbians/femmes have to date or even be attracted to butches and studs, but they HAVE to respect and protect them. if someone is calling themselves a femme and dogging on butches, they need to brush up on the history of their chosen identity. those identities have been around looooong before any of these folks were even born yet they won't look beyond surface level definitions or aesthetics...it's sad :(
that being said, don't let tiktok get you down. as a butch in my 30s, tiktok is the last place i'm ever looking for community in that regard, but i also moved from portland so i've seen my fair share of stupid (and wrong) takes from baby gays and just sorta scoot around it LOL. it's rough, but thankfully avoidable. they'll learn when they learn.
hang in there; always stoked to see more butches anywhere.
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u/mirror_red Butch Aug 24 '25
"heteronormative standards" yet theyre the ones saying they only desire women who dit white patriarchal beauty standards
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u/GaySliceOfAppleJuice Aug 25 '25
No clue what theyāre talking about. Lesbians wouldnāt exist without butches. Respect Stonewall.
(P.S. keep it up, butches + studs, yāall fine)
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u/honeyncheesebread Aug 25 '25
This mindset is so ridiculous. Thereās nothing heteronormative about two women being together.
Sincerely, a femme4masc.
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u/LaSapphicSirena Aug 26 '25
block the fem4fem hashtag and it gets a lot better i just don't engage with those weirdos
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u/marasxhino Aug 27 '25
Tiktok is heinously conservative even in queer spaces. They refuse to acknowledge intersectionality and get incredibly angry at gender nonconformity and anything that doesn't align with heteropatriarchal beliefs. Like they do EXTREME gender essentialism... Every other week I see a tiktok that's literally just "my boy cat is sweet and in love with me šš and my girl cat is a bitch." And it'll have a million likes and tons of comments about how "girl" animals are mean and unlovable but "boy" animals are sweet and stupid. It's genuinely baffling.
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u/No-Conflict-8145 Sep 11 '25
I was reluctant to create a TikTok, good to know I made the right choice!
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u/Competitive-Elk6117 Aug 24 '25
This is why I canāt be on there anymore. Among millions of other reasons. But all stem from the same problem
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u/Huge_Razzmatazz_985 Aug 24 '25
I lasted on TikTok for less then a day! I think it killed a few brain cells in that short period.
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u/SomeHomestuckOrOther GNC Lesbian Aug 24 '25
Now you have another reason to delete your social media accounts and spend some time outside with your family, friends, and nature!
(But yeah, people who act like this seriously suck. I think there were so many of those comments because TikTok users are very young and probably don't have a community IRL that would shut this kind of talk down right away. I just hope nobody here encounters people who think like this in the wild, because these comments... ouch š„²)
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u/OnTheMountainTop Aug 24 '25
Lord, nobody taught this generation of gay girls about misogyny, lesbophobia & transphobia 101.
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u/Roan6840 Aug 24 '25
I feel like those kind of people have A LOT of internalized homophobia. I feel like they want to distance themselves from us because we are often viewed to be far more undesirable in heteronormative society and so their worst nightmare is to be lumped in with us. They want to be the ''Good, normal and attractive queers'' and to get there they have to keep other more marginalized queer group down...
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u/earthyrat Femme Aug 24 '25
i'm so so sorry these comments are affecting you this deeply. i see these on some posts and i get so frustrated, but try to remind myself that so many are made by teenagers or by people who are deeply internally insecure about something regarding their sexuality. i promise actual femmes are out here who make it a primary goal to support butches and look out for you, hatred is just so so vocal. tiktok has so much lesphobia, unfortunately :/
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u/ExystentyalCrysys Sep 09 '25
Masc women in suits on TikTok is how I figured out I was a lesbian. This isnāt a competition. No one is āeliteā. Masc women are gorgeous. I would have figured it out sooner if there had been better representation. That said, everyone is entitled to express their preference. Try not to take personally. Thereās more affirming accounts than whatever this is.
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u/Beginning-Struggle49 Tomboy Aug 23 '25
It's purely what you're interacting with and lingering on.
I don't get any of that content, I get queer stuff that's cute/funny and has all sorts of presenting
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u/beautyinthesky Aug 24 '25
Iām chapstick but i LOVE butches. There are plenty of lesbians who love butches.ā¤ļø
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u/Despairaid Aug 24 '25
For me itās the other way around Iāve only seen people thirsting overs mascs, insulting fems etc
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u/queerblackqueen Aug 23 '25
As someone who's regularly on TikTok, yes there's a lot of dumb shit on the app but there's also lots of not dumb shit on the app! It takes a second for it to really align with your tastes but right now most of my lesbian content is either thirst traps or people talking about the lesbophobic vibes in the Betty Woo podcast interview lol (I'm also on misandrist TikTok so maybe that helps a lot too) if you want any creators to follow, I can offer some suggestions if you'd like :)
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u/Nintendolife4me Aug 23 '25
Well first of allā¦itās based on what you watch figure out how to train it. Also you just screen shot a bunch of stuff from one jerk. Search for butch or femme 4 butch content. Youāll train it
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Aug 23 '25
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/MythicalSummer Aug 23 '25
thereās nothing wrong w either of those? nobody said that. itās the fact that they r actively bringing down butchfemme relationships and calling butches men
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u/takeme2themtns Aug 23 '25
Tell us you donāt understand algorithms without telling us you donāt understand algorithmsā¦
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u/blahurmom8 Aug 23 '25
I do not think it is okay to say these things but iāve noticed this kind of thinking pick up along side the increase of misandry. I have absolutely no issue with misandry, but a negative effect is that feminine women let their views slide onto masc presenting women/people too.
But also, Iāve definitely met ego driven macs who are āplayerā like and treat women similar toxic and common ways that men traditionally do. Itās a complex situation of people taking their preferences too far.
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u/Brilliant-Bug-7937 Butch Aug 24 '25
The word youāre looking for here is terf rhetoric, not misandry, as this behavior (if we look over the queer community in general) affects not only butches, but many masculine individuals. And that second part sounds like what aboutism.
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u/blahurmom8 Aug 24 '25
That is actually not the word I was looking for. Are you saying misandry is terf rhetoric in and of itself? That disliking men is a direct attack on trans people? You might have to explain that point further to be coherent.
The second part is not in fact a non sequitur, I was explaining that often based on someoneās particular experience itās possible to form those opinions the post is highlighting if youāre in an echo chamber with others interacting with toxic masc lesbians- which are very prevalent in college communities/ queer spaces. The generalization is what results in comment sections like the one pictured.
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u/lol_lauren Butch adjacent, a dyke for sure Aug 23 '25
Fellas, is it straight to date women as a woman?