r/Shouldihaveanother • u/TheOnlyCoconut • Mar 10 '26
Advice When to go from 2 to 3?
I recently just had my second daughter in October and she has been a dream baby. sleep is not consolidated yet but overall it’s been a really nice experience.
my older one will be 4 in July and is such a great helper.
i know I want 3, but I’m wondering what the best age gap would be with my current dynamics. Husband and I both have great jobs and mine is quite flexible (lots of wfh options).
we also definitely are lucky enough to have a village helping us 3-4 times a week and some weekends ,which has been incredible.
im currently 33 and don’t know if I should go for another within the next year or space or out a few years like I did with my first two.
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u/BlueberryWaffles99 Mar 11 '26
We are planning a 3 year age gap from our 2nd to 3rd if we have one (currently expecting our second)! But our gap is largely for financial reasons. At 3, they can transition to preschool and it’s half the cost of daycare. Also, I personally really liked having a full 2 years to recover from birth before being pregnant again so I wouldn’t want a gap much smaller than 3 years so I could guarantee that time again!
I think age gap is just largely dependent on what you envision. I’d still give your body a year to heal and maybe read some experiences from moms with 2u2 - but then do what is best for you!
3
u/Accomplished-King240 Mar 11 '26
For us, 4 years has been a dream. I’d love to do that with a 3rd but I’m 41 so it will be 3 years max (if that). Part of me thinks you have all the time in the world at 33 but also if my kids didn’t have sleep issues I’d probably think differently 😂 still good to give your body 18 months between births (some say 18 months between pregnancies - ask your OB). Good luck!
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u/AMoMmy22 Mar 11 '26
I am aiming for 2.9 - 3+ so I know my little one is ok (she is a bit behind in speech) I wouldn’t go past a 6 year gap between 1 and 3. That’s from my own childhood
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u/AdInternal8913 Mar 12 '26
We have 4 year age gap between #1 and #2 (#2 took a long time to conceive) and it is such a lovely age gap and the kids (now 11 months and 5 years) already play so nicely together. If time was on my side I would probably aim for 3 or 4 years.
Since #2 took a while to happen we are already ttc #3. OH definitely would prefer to have a longer age gap (2.5 years +) but since I think I would definitely want at least # 4 and I am not getting any younger we are willing to accept smaller age gap.
1
u/Accomplished-King240 Mar 13 '26
We also didn’t plan our 4 year age gap between 1 and 2 but it worked out so well! They’re 17 months and 5.5 right now and it’s the best! The older one loves any chance to be silly and/or take on the teacher role with his sister.
We are “lucky” that we had to do IVF for #2 so we have a little more time to wait for a third. We’re still not sure though. It will be very close quarters in our house and we’ll need a bigger car. I also worry about not having enough 1:1 time with each of them. But seeing their bond makes me think that’s even more important! (But then I also worry how it will change with a 3rd…)
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u/WhiskeyandOreos Mar 23 '26
We’re on the fence about a third. I’m similar to you—I had my second at 31 last summer, and my oldest turned 3 in January.
Our first two are 2.5 years apart exactly. At first I was nervous because we got pregnant first try, so I truly expected we’d have a slightly bigger gap and need longer to conceive. But I’ve really come to love what the gap will look like later as they get older.
Some days I think we should aim for the same gap—I’d love a spring baby, so my oldest would be newly 5 and my younger would be just over 2.5, plus id be dine by 35, which has always been my goal. I also don’t like the idea of a 6 year gap between the oldest and youngest.
But I also can see how a 3.5 year gap would be nice too, except I fear that if we went that far I’d be really loath to hit the reset button on the baby years. I’m 3.5 years older than my siblings (twins) and I liked it a lot, especially as adults. But the thought of having a 6 year old, a newborn, and a 4 year old feels exhausting. We’d be JUST about to hit the golden years with our older two and then suddenly get yanked back into nap schedules and early bedtimes, broken sleep and another yet to potty train and be a threenager.
We’re giving ourselves until our second is 2 to make a decision but clearly I am with you in the uncertainty.
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u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26
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