Writing this as a sort of “AITA” because please tell me if I am out of line with how I am feeling.

AITA for canceling a weekend with my long-term partner after years of feeling emotionally neglected, and now feeling devastated that he seems to have withdrawn?

I (42F) have been in a long-term non-monogamous relationship with a man (43M) for about 3.5 years. We both have other partners/anchors. We are part of the same niche creative/performance community and our relationship started there. We have a deep emotional and physical connection, but our communication styles and emotional needs have always been very different.

To be fair to him: he is not a cruel person. He is reliable in many practical ways, kind in day-to-day interactions, intelligent, generous with hobbies/interests, and emotionally steady compared to me. He also has a tendency to avoid or shut down around difficult emotional conversations, especially if he feels criticized or overwhelmed.

I am much more emotionally expressive and attachment-oriented. I need reassurance, emotional closeness, collaborative repair after conflict, affection, and proactive communication. Over the years, I increasingly started feeling like I had to minimize my needs in order to preserve the relationship and avoid “heavy conversations.”

This has become especially painful because our relationship used to have a lot more physical and emotional intimacy and ritual around it. For almost three years, twice a month, every time he drove into the city to visit me, he would call me during the drive because he was lonely and wanted company. The car ride talks were one of the most consistent ones we maintained throughout. We would spend entire evenings together at community events cuddling, talking, reconnecting, then go on to have a nice weekend together, and feeling like a unit. We have spoken pretty much every day since we met except for a few short instances of “needing space,” which were always communicated ahead of time.

Over time those rituals and that emotional and physical closeness slowly started disappearing.

At the same time, he continued building connections with newer women in the community. I agreed to non-monogamy and never expected exclusivity, but I started feeling increasingly emotionally and physically abandoned while watching him offer excitement, attention, flirtation, and intimacy to newer connections that I no longer felt from him consistently myself.

I can also admit that over time I became reactive to witnessing him being so attentive to other partners even if the connection was tenuous or platonic, that I did have emotional reactions (crying, sulking, stress response), and I understand that over time that had led him to feel stressed about sharing the space - but all the rituals I asked him to help us both were rejected as controlling for example: routine check ins, boomerangs, verbal reassurance. It was all kind of framed as me being controlling of him because he was “spending the weekend with me anyway” so why was I upset that he was attentive to someone else for a few hours?”

He didn’t seem to understand that it hurt to see him holding hands with someone and cuddling when that’s not something he would offer me in the same space.

I offered to step away from the community space so he could pursue connections without the “pressure” of worrying if I’ll get upset with him for it. I realize this is me grossly over-functioning in the relationship.

Outside the shared space I also many times tried to address the lose of closeness and intimacy and was rebuffed often - eventually yes I did get pushy and emotional about it and he admitted it made him not want to be intimate or close to feel like he was “on trial” and overwhelmed. To be clear I do “angry cry” a lot but I do not believe my harsh hurt words fell into the abusive or toxic sphere - the worst I’ve called him is “kind of a jerk,” and “selfish”. He also rarely admitted that he was the one to withdraw intimacy without real cause or explanation in the first place - eventually he would admit to me he had mental health struggles or family stress at home, but a lot of the time his behaviour simply went unexplained - guys he stopped saying my name for like six months at one point. I have just felt so alone and like the only one that cared to acknowledge the changes and growing distance between us.

One recent example: we had talked multiple times over the years about someday taking a trip together related to our shared interests. We last spoke about a shared trip two weeks ago! Just this week he told me he booked that exact kind of trip solo and later told me he was nervous because it would be his first time traveling alone in almost 20 years. It was almost as if he was underscoring going by himself… when I had offered to travel with him many times in the past - something he seemed to want as well in the past, but not this time. So, that absolutely crushed me because it felt like I had been erased from a shared dream we had actively discussed together.

A month ago, he made plans to come into the city Friday night to spend time with a newer connection at our shared community space and then stay at my apartment afterward for the rest of the weekend. I tried to talk to him about it two weeks ago because I was already feeling anxious and emotionally unsafe about the setup. The conversation didn’t really go anywhere because he said he wanted a lighter conversation at the time and later admitted difficult conversations can take away his excitement about seeing me.

He never offered me a time or solution for how to have “heavy” conversations.

That comment really broke something in me emotionally because I realized I had spent a long time trying to phrase things “correctly” and suppress difficult feelings so I wouldn’t ruin closeness or create tension. But eventually things would still bubble over because the underlying issues were never actually resolved. At the end of the day it didn’t matter if I brought things up and asked for reassurance or repair or if I tried to stay positive, the relationship closeness continued to decline with only the most minimal improvements - to give you an example he stopped kissing me consistently maybe 2 years ago. So we went down to like one kiss a month unless I initiated it, but the last time we hung out he kissed me like four or five times.

So maybe it’s “emotional girl math” but a few kisses while so lovely and so welcome don’t exactly erase months of neglect. In the moment I was happy it happened and told him so but in the big picture I was still feeling like that was such a tiny step up a steep steep hill.

But he would see my complaint about “not enough kissing” and say he just kissed me last time he was here so why am I still complaining?

That’s what I have to deal with balancing - showing appreciation for the small steps and the effort he DOES show me while not erasing the larger picture of long term decline and neglect. The deficit of kisses can’t be erased by one nice weekend of kisses. Right?

So here we are!

Yesterday (Thursday morning) I realized I could not emotionally handle the weekend as planned and canceled.

I felt in my heart that I would be waiting all of Friday night for him to come home - he never volunteered what his plans were and what time he might be back, so feeling anxious and rejected about the recent trip and with no recourse for reassurance or support from him after he told me heavy conversations were a turn-off, I kind of became scared of getting upset, crying and “ruining the weekend,” when he eventually came home.

Folks, I was spiralling because after so many years of being told I am controlling and manipulative when I wanted clarity and clear plans and expectations when sharing time and space with other partners, that I felt genuinely afraid to even ask him “what time are you coming home on Friday after your meet up with [new partner]?”

I didn’t admit that to him.

Instead, I told him I felt overwhelmed, afraid to have needs, and exhausted from trying to stay positive all the time. He engaged in the conversation somewhat and asked a few clarifying questions, but after that… almost nothing.

No goodnight. No good morning. No “I’m processing.” No reassurance. No discussion about what the weekend plan now even is.

Meanwhile he still appears to have gone ahead with his plans to meet the other woman tonight. Omitting our usual long drive call, giving me just nothing at all.

I feel devastated because I have never canceled a weekend before in three years. He has canceled on me before because of relationship tension or emotional issues and I never froze him out afterward. But now that I finally hit my own breaking point, I feel completely alone.

Part of me is furious and wants to burn the entire relationship down publicly because I feel like I have spent years overfunctioning emotionally for someone who fundamentally cannot tolerate reasonable relational discomfort long enough to actually repair anything. Another part of me still desperately wants him to call me, hug me, tell me he loves me, and come home tonight.

I honestly don’t know anymore whether I’m dealing with an emotionally avoidant but caring person who is overwhelmed, or someone who has been slowly emotionally abandoning me for years while I kept trying harder and harder to save the relationship - and failing obviously many times.

AITA for feeling super hurt by this silence after canceling the weekend and feeling like this relationship has become emotionally unsustainable for me?

Hi, after my partner tried drag me into a poly relationship, and after a few sessions of couples therapy, I decided to end things in the most respectful way that I can.

I talk to my partner on how we want different things from a relationship, and that our wants are incompatible, at least right now.

I want more security and accountabily, she wants space to figure herself out, because she feels she "lived for this relationship" for the past 3 years. Part of her proposing poly it's because it's something she feels is essential to her.

And that's fine, it absolutely is.

But when I talk about breaking up, she asks why, and says we can find a middle ground between things.

Just for context: She brought up poly already developing a connection with someone, I made clear my uneasiness with it, she downplayed saying she was "trying to figure out" what she wanted with this other person. After checking her phone (which is wrong) I found some pictures of them kissing and cuddling, which led to a huge fight and our first break up, but we reconciled soon.

But in couples therapy, I'm finding that things simply don't add up, that she acted based on things that I didn't expressed, and the boundaries that I made clear were worthless because she "tought I changed" my views.

This is making me reevaluate the whole relationship, all 4 years of it, because I thought we had a strong communication and basis for respect, which I'm realizing is not the case. She says we're "starting a new relationship", but it just sounds like she wants to move on quickly, without ever realizing the depth of what she did.

Sorry, I'm rambling, when I write I start to see thing clearly.

The point is, I'm trying to break up respectfully. We had a great time together, and I don't want to go out calling her a liar or anything like that. She keeps hanging on and I don't know what to do

I'm pretty new to poly (a few months in) and I've been dating someone who has a long term partner. He's openly poly, she knows about me, and I've even spoken to her a few times. So on paper, everything is fine.

But I'm struggling. Not with jealousy, honestly. More with confusion. I can't tell if the things I'm feeling mean poly isn't for me, or if he's just not great at being a hinge.

Here's what keeps happening:

He'll say things like "see you next week" or "let's do Thursday" but then never follow through with an actual plan. I'm usually the one who has to reach out to confirm, and even then, sometimes he cancels last minute. A few times he's cancelled with a reason that makes sense (something work related or something with his partner), but it keeps happening.

When we're together, he's really warm and present. But in between, he goes silent for days. Sometimes I won't hear from him for nearly a week. Then he'll pop back up like nothing happened, being sweet and affectionate, and I get whiplash.

I've tried to be honest with him a couple of times about feeling disappointed or confused. Once I told him I was feeling a bit depressed and he acknowledged it quickly but then moved on to another topic. Another time I told him I was disappointed about a cancellation and he just didn't reply for hours. He eventually came back warm, but the hard part of the conversation just got skipped.

I've been trying so hard to be casual and chill. But that's not actually how I'm wired. I'm full on. I care a lot. I need consistency, even in something casual. I'm not asking to be a priority over his partner or for more time than he can give. I just need to not feel like an afterthought. I need follow through. I need to not be left wondering all the time.

I also don't know if this is just how it is when you're new to poly and dating someone with a primary. Like, am I expecting too much? Or is this genuinely just a bad hinge situation?

So I guess I'm trying to figure out a few things:

Is this just what it's like to date someone with a primary partner? Or is he just not very good at poly?

And bigger picture, is poly even a good fit for someone like me who is full on and needs consistency? Or am I just setting myself up to feel hurt?

I'd really love to hear from other people who are new to poly and figuring it out. Or people who date folks with primaries and have figured out what's reasonable to expect. And honestly, I'd love to hear from other "full on" people who do poly and how they navigate it.

I don't even know exactly what I'm asking. I just know I feel confused and tired and a bit alone in this. Would mean a lot to hear from people who get it.

Please be kind. I'm genuinely trying to learn, not looking to be told I'm doing poly wrong.

Thanks for reading.

currently me n my partner are apart for the next two weeks so i don’t want to start any big conversations without it being face to face, but just wanted an overall/generalised insight just so i can understand a bit before having the conversation

my partner is poly and something they need whilst in a relationship is other sexual partners. neither of us are talking/sleeping with other people rn as we have decided together we want to build the foundation of our relationship before opening it up (i know this comes with conflicting opinions but this is not the point of the post). anyway. i am very new to this and i guess what i am wondering, without sounding ignorant or dismissive, is why someone would want other partners. i am not against it at all i’m just genuinely curious as to reasons behind it, if there is any. i would more so understand if there was a misalignment in our libidos and kinks, as i would get my partner wanting to seek out experiences which satisfy their needs and allows them to experiment with kinks, but this is not the case and is confusing me.

any thoughts? thank you for reading

Hello everyone, I (24m) and my wife (23f) have been in a relationship for 3 years. Early on they have expressed to me that the way they view friendship and relationships are different to the norm. There isn’t much differentiation. From the research I’ve done the world align most with Relationship Anarchist I think.
So about 6 months-1 year in my partner wanted to open up the relationship a bit by being able to flirt and kiss other people. Which I was and still am okay with. I also ended up expanding our boundaries. We communicate a lot and are always making sure we are happy, comfortable, and secure in our relationship.

Well before we got engaged (not 100% when) she brought up the idea of an open relationship/poly relationship. I didn’t turn it down and was very open to talk and discuss as is our usual. So for the last 2 years maybe we have been having a lot of discussion about the possibility of us opening up our marriage to be polyamorous. I still have a few reservations, but I’m doing a lot of research and therapy to try to get to a point where I am comfortable with it.

About 9 months ago I found out that she had escalated a relationship she had with one of her friends to being boyfriend/girlfriend/partners and didn’t ask me about it or communicate it until a couple months later. At this point we can flirt, kiss, makeout, send explicit content, and she can suck/touch tits. However, our discussions didn’t cover allowing for other relationships other than friendships. To me it would be obvious that if it wasn’t explicitly discussed then it is a no go. (We have since had many many many conversations about this and are actively working through it.)

My first question is: Could you move forward and feel safe in an open relationship/polyamorous relationship if your partner had already cheated on you while exploring with the lifestyle?

What would you need to feel comfortable moving forward?

My second topic is sexual in nature. I do not feel comfortable with my wife having sex with others, but I want to feel comfortable with it. I know there is jealousy, possessiveness, and ownership issues in my mind that I’m trying to resolve. But how do y’all deal with it? How can you have a partner go have sex with another person and come back to you and feel okay about having sex with them?

Any insight and advice is wanted and welcome. I look forward to your input. Thank you all and much love. 🫶

Hi! I apologize if this isn’t allowed. My partner (30M) and me (30F) are new to poly. We’ve had threesomes in the past, but nothing that ever turned into a relationship.

We met this girl recently that we both hit it off with. It felt like she met our relationship very well.

The last time we all had sex was good. But I noticed my partner really enjoyed it. Like really. Like they’ve never sounded like that with me or have enjoyed themselves that much.

Long story short I ended up asking them what they would rank the sex with our new partner. And they said a 9. When I asked what they would rank sex with me, they said a 6.

I know it was my fault for asking the question in the first place, but I also felt like I just needed to hear it bc I was already thinking it anyway.

My question is, is this something to take pause at? Should we discontinue the relationship until I can work on my hurt feelings/jealousy. Or is this something that we should consider working through? TIA

Hello. First time poster.. I hope this is okay to bring here and I apologize if this all seems scatterbrained.

Im a 40yo straight male. I'm recently divorced, since October '25. A few months ago I met a woman who i've grown a strong connection/relationship with. She is married and they are in a poly/open relationship. We have all met and discussed things, rules and such and it went really well. Him and I are able to talk and hang out and game together and be friendly. In my marriage, while not exactly open, we were in the BDSM lifestyle and had many experiences with others being brought into the fold, so I don't believe I have any issues with the open/poly situation.

Its a bit of a Long Distance relationship - about 5.5hrs away - and we aren't able to see each other as much as we would like. She has repeatedly told me that she's fine with me doing what I have to do to get those physical needs met, as long as she is informed and I communicate everything. I have no problem with that. I actually had a FWB situation with someone until recently (She crossed a line we agreed not to cross) so I don't really have that option anymore.

But since I am so new to this dynamic - which I absolutely want - I am struggling with a couple things and would appreciate any advice that could be given:

1 - I know she's had some jealous feelings with me and the FWB. We were able to communicate and talk through those feelings quickly and honestly, and there are no lingering issues. I still find myself struggling with the idea that if I go out looking to meet someone, thinking she may have those feelings/worries, and that makes me feel bad. Is there anything I can do from my end to try and help those worries/feelings from taking over her?

2 - As a 40yo man, how should I go about looking for people that would be accepting of my situation? I have no desire for any emotional connection with anyone else at the moment, it would be purely for that physical release, which makes me feel bad again because that may not be fair to any potential partners - considering I am 40 and most women my age are beyond looking for anything "casual". I don't want to lie to any potential partners about intentions/wants but I also don't really see many women being okay with my situation, which I would honestly understand.

I apologize again if this isn't what this forum is for but I didn't really know where else to turn to for a community that may understand my issues. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Someone said I should repost this here-

I feel like such a cliche.

After a great day hanging out together, I spent about 2 hours putting our (husband and I) 2 year old down for bed.

Came down to join in the "wine and music video" party when she told me she loves him and me romantically, and wants to be in a relationship with us.

They asked me what I think- I said I don't know what to think, and mentioned some of my fears, but did not shut it down fully. why did they ask just me? Because they already briefly discussed this last weekend and "wanted to talk to me together".

I'm a people pleaser and felt so cornered, I gave non committal answers that I now have to walk back.

I'm not sexually attracted to her. Hell, I'm demi and only have eyes for one person. I'm not interested in being the side chick in my marriage, being the mom and taking care of everything, while they go off and have fun.

We sort of tried this several years back- mostly just sex- and it was not sustainable.

I'm okay with my husband having "side quests" but our agreement has always been that I know about it but it's not someone I know personally/no friends.

I already talked to him about this, now I have to do a video call to clarify with her T_T

I know I'm such a weenie and I should have shut it down last night... They were just both so happy and excited, and she was ecstatic to be getting this off her chest (that she's been in love with him for like 5 years and fell in love with me when I had my daughter).

I simultaneously feel like they did nothing wrong and feel so betrayed.

First time poster sorry if its all over the place.So im new to poly (37 f) with my partner (41 m). He made it clear when we met the lifestyle he was seeking that he wanted to be able to date multiple women and as a bisexual woman I was allowed to date women no men. An ideal situation would be us having a mutual partner but thats never happened and we had a heard time when meeting women they only wanted one or the other.

So for the past few months I became suspicious that he has been doing thing without being open and honest about it and that was my main ask in the relationship. His routine changed and he had been acting different. I asked him about it he denied it was another woman and just tired and dealing with work stuff. The other night we talk about it again and I ask to look through his phone if there wasnt nothing too hide. He give me the code I skim through but he is talking to me the entire time distracting me from going through it.

The next night while he was asleep I really went through the phone and found out he had a girl who he had been seeing for sex and had multiple others he had been trying to make plans with to have sex. He never told me any of this. Now he says he did it because he didnt think I could handle the truth and that I would get too emotional about it. Now he is making it out to be a jealous thing when to me he just broke our trust.

Background info I joined a poly relationship the main 2 a guy 24 and a girl 22 are allowed to have multiple partners but I as a addition can not which I am fine with I’m dating both however a problem has come up with me and her.

I am a very sexual person due to some stuff in my past however I’m unfortunate to have a small dick which has now made so she told me there’s no point in sex since I can’t stay in and even if I could she would just get bored yet she loves to promise for sex if she wants something done even though I’d do it anyway.

I’m now at the point idk if I should stay since I’m not allowed to be jealous about other dudes bcs it poly but she will basically fuck everyone but me

I should clarify we still do other sexual things it’s just frustrating being the only one she does not have sex with

For context I’m a bi (30yo) latina and I’ve come to realize and accept that I’m poly for like 3 years now. It took leaving a relationship for me to really understand how important that is to me. And since that relationship, I’ve been in a relationship and have had lovers. Separately just for timeline context. And all of them ended at different points but ultimately for the same reason. Us not having the same views on long term love being poly versus monogamous. Even if we began with that as an initial convo and they seemed down. They ultimately changed their minds and or things just didn’t work out which is fine. But I’m having difficulty finding people who are also poly/queer to date. Where do people go to date poly folks outside of events and dating apps? I barely get to go to events cuz it never aligns with my schedule and is always some money to get in. On dating apps I’ve found “ENM couples” to talk to and turns out it was just the guys in the relationship trying to sell their relationship as open for the sake of just getting nudes and wanting to meet up alone without their partners which always made me uncomfortable. So I feel discouraged to take that route. What should I do at this point 😵‍💫

So me and my partner have moved in together from being in a 3/4 year long distance relationship. They were polly when we met and have another partner they live near now we live near. Is I wasn’t Polly going into this but I am now and just haven’t found someone else yet. So before I was only able to see him a hand full of times a year. I didn’t realise how often they got to see eachother like dates and spending time together at houses ( I want to be clear I don’t want them to stop or anything!!) but rn I see them after work when they get home or log off and they want alone time wich is fair I don’t really mind and at the weekend they sleep till mid day and then go in their room to game we haven’t been out much together or anything. We r both ppl that like our own space whats bothering me rn is they call a couple times a week wich again don’t bother me but they said when I lived hours away that they didn’t like to call because it made them sad so we rarely did. And I’m just starting to feel insecure wich I know is dumb cuz they love me and I love him it just saddens me to see all the things he does with them but don’t with me I guess. Sorry this was more of a rant to get my feelings out but if anyone has advice I’d love to read it.

so this is gonna be a long story short

But me and my husband have been Polly ever since we started dating. We had a relationship with a girl and that relationship didn’t work out because she cheated on us four times without me knowing, but he knew. Now we got married and was still Polly. He still talks to girls and suggest that they join our relationship, but It never worked out because they don’t seem to be as attracted to me as to him and they just ghost me and him because like I said, they weren’t attracted to me at all. Now any guy that I’m attracted to he doesn’t think that they are attractive enough for him which that’s fine. I’m just attracted to them and I’m looking to see what they got going on in their life. Now today, I am attracted to and have a crush on one of my longtime friends of six years. I just recently started catching feelings for him since he grew as a person and his is way more mature than he was when I first met him. I told my husband this and he is currently acting weird about everything. He would have these conversations with me about what our boundaries are, etc. in our relationship anytime I say I am attracted to a man. I’ll tell him who I like the day that I start to catch feelings for them and he will say we need to have a conversation and I’m just like about what exactly. But anytime he finds a girl attractive he talks to them for a month and then tells me that they are gonna text me after he already established a connection with them without me being involved. Granted he’s looking for a third partner for the both of us. I don’t really care if he has a partner and I have a partner because we’re never gonna get the three-way poly that we want in this society. It has gotten to a point where i have to go through his phone to know who he is chatting with because he does not tell me. But I twll him every single time who i am interested in. idk if he is jealous of other men while claiming to be pansexual or just doesn’t want me todate any man at all but says he wants me to be happy. Or maybe he just wants control over who we date. Please some help me understand. Our relationship had so many ups and downs and that stress may have caused an early birth for our son but thats a whole other story. (i used text to speech)

Hi, I’m nb and 23 years old. My partner is a trans woman who turned 36 recently. I met her last year and instantly fell for her. Now we’ve been dating for 7 months and things are starting to feel unstable on my end.

My girlfriend is gorgeous, she is tech smart, she has been transitioning for 16 years, she is integrated in community and she knows what she wants from life.

I, on the other hand just graduated art school, my future feels unstable due to AI and I’m emotionally still very attached to my unsupportive family and my main skills are art and speaking a few languages.
And well, I can’t deny it, but I have mommy issues (what a surprise).

Over the past weeks I’ve started to feel inferior to my girlfriend. She knows so many things: she programs, she fixes her kitchen sink by herself, she helps others get HRT while I fail to turn her coffee machine on in the morning. She tells me about having lived in a thousand places, being homeless at some point, being kicked out as a teenager, having had SRS, FFS and a boob job, while my timeline is way shorter. I can’t help but say that I feel like a kid sometime, like I’m out of touch.

We’re poly and she met someone new a few weeks ago. They’re older than me, 27 I think. I know she’s in love with them and I gotta admit I’m insecure about this person possibly being older, hotter, and wiser than me. That it makes her realize that I bore her with my infantile problems.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? How can I deal with these insecurities ?

Hi I (m18) have been dating my boyfriend (tm18) for about a year now and I have known he's poly the whole time but we agreed to not talk about it very much as I didn't quite get it at the time but now I've accepted and am comfortable with him dating another man(tm) but recently he's been asking me to get to know the other boyfriend and I don't know how to go about it and any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated

My wife and I have been together for 26 years, married for 21. We both came out as bisexual to each other in 2021, and opened our relationship to whatever came in 2022. In 2024 we met an NB (amab) we both fell for and both started dating them.

We’ve remained open and about 2 months ago my partners met a couple who were wanting to try getting into swinging (my schedule didn’t work where I could attend) but things just didn’t work out for that other couple and they split up. However my partners both thought I’d hit it off with the lady.

About 3 weeks ago I met her, and we did hit it off. We’ve been texting daily and we’ve met casually a few times for game nights (we’re all big board and video gamers). I’ll also admit we also met up casually for a game night and spicy activities with her and the three of us did happen. Now I’ve got a one on one overnight date with her for this Saturday night, and we both know spicy will be happening again between the two of us.

Now my partner’s were right we do enjoy each other’s company and idk about her but I’m starting to get feelings. Both my partners are ecstatic and are encouraging me to see where things go.

Now where I’m needing the reassurance is I’ve got all the NRE feels when I’m taking to her, but I’ve also got this feeling that I’m cheating on on my wife because this is the first time I’ve been interested in a relationship with a woman. I’ve only previously pursued men or amab persons. Does anyone else ever get an irrational feeling that they’re cheating on their partners when dating someone new?

TL:DR- potential new girlfriend but worried about this feeling like I’m cheating on my legal partner.

I am just asking the group if I am.I really love being with a a couple. i don’t consider myself gay but I love being with a couple and doing things in and out of the bedroom with the couple. I feel it is so much more intense that a regular heterosexual relationship. I love it and I love spending time with a couple. I love making sure all three of are needs are met and we do things that are exclusively for us. It’s just such a turn on. I love it. Does anyone else experience anything like this and could this be a sign that I’m poly? thanks!

Long story short, I have a best friend. We’ve been best friends since we were kids (20 years ago). Due to some difficult circumstances (childhood trauma), we are very close. Like super close. Like we cuddle on the couch and spoon in bed and basically touch each other constantly, everywhere except below the belt and my chest. We started cuddling close as kids, when holding each other was the only way we knew we were safe.

I’m a lesbian. He’s a gay trans man. We’re considering getting into some sort of relationship, but we really don’t know what that would look like or how to even start to discuss it. Could y’all provide me with some advice? I really don’t want to mess up the best relationship I’ve ever had.

We love each other. It’s been suggested to both of us, at various times, that we should say we’re poly. Basically, we’ve both had exes who believe that saying we’re single is “false advertising” because of how close we are. We’re interested in starting an open relationship, but we’re not clear what (if anything) would change. We could use any advice you could give!

How to I make a poly repationship work if I think I prefer monogamy? I need some out of the box weird ideas or new insights to help me cope and learn to live with this. I truely want him to be happy, but I want him too and this is not what I signed up for. I can adjust though, with some help for you all. Maybe some fellow autistic touch-specific people have some interesting ideas? This lifestyle is clearly best for him He's happier and he feels better mentally. But how to make this work for me too?

I am a straight woman, 38 married to a man 39 and our relationship started perfectly normal. Got married and everything. But my partner learned more about himself and felt safe to explore and he rediscovered his bisexuality.
I am proud of him and support him in this very much, but several years ago he started the conversation of wanting something sexually I could not give him. We tried toys. It's not my cup of tea but I can make it work for him. Happy to give him that too. But it's not the same and I can recognize that. He found a male friend he trusted and asked permission to explore his sexuality with the friend. This was completely out of my comfort zone but after a long and hard discussion and setting boundaries I agreed. It's been hard, but if it happens outside the house at least I can pretend it does not happen. He stays safe luckily and still loves me.
Bit by bit though, like boiling water his feeling regarding the male friend changed. He's in love with him too now. Emphasis on the word too. That complicated things for me. My partner loves to cuddle with the friend. The friend is gay and while a lovely man who's polite and decent, we're not eachothers type nor friend. I am not a person who loves to touch other or even sit close to other people (honestly 1,5 meter lockdown rules were a blessing in disguise for me lol), except my husband who's touch I crave.
I don't like being jalous. But I do feel it and I have no idea how to make this work somehow.
Recently the male friend got in between houses/jobs and he moved in with us for a little bit. it's only been 2 months and I am so sick and tired of all the cuddling and their friendship. I sound like a bitter hag I know. It don't want to be a bitter old ahole who gets jealous of her happy partner. But I do miss him. I miss cuddling together, I miss being the one and only one. I acknowledge that he is happier with 2 partners. I acknowledge that there are things I simply cannot give him. But somehow it also opens up old hurts of me being a doormat and getting walked all over. Recently I also got an autism diagnosis and that of course explains and complicates things a bit. I don't like being near people. Sitting next to someone in a restaurant is already a bit much for me, let alone sharing a couch and cuddling with my partner in the middle is way beyond my comfort. I try of course sometimes, he adores it and seeing him happy makes me happy. But it's never something I would initiate.

We've communicated. I've set boundaries and he adheres to them. He genuinely loves me and all in all we have a truely wonderfull relationship. But it this aspect we fundamentally differ and I need advise and maybe also to vent a little. He male friend will live with us for a bit longer, but the house is small. I do get time to myself if I ask for it and we check in with eachother regularly.

And no, I am not divorcing him, he is not cheating, he is a kind and lovely man who genuinely has more love to give. We've been together for almost 20 years and I am not giving up this easily.

Not because there’s anything wrong with it, I know there isn’t. It’s just how I experience love. It’s part of me. But the reality is that so few people actually want this kind of relationship that it starts to feel like there’s no real choice at all.

Like you either compromise who you are, or you stay alone.

And I hate that feeling. I hate feeling different or “too much", even if I know, rationally, that I’m not.

I don’t judge monogamy at all. Honestly, sometimes I even understand it more than I wish I did. It looks simpler. Safer. Like things would just…work.

I don’t know. This isn’t very structured, I’m just venting.

It’s just heavy sometimes.