r/breakingmom • u/bookish0378 • 6h ago
in crisis šØ Growing concern over daycare
Our son started in March at a long standing daycare with a good reputation in our area. My son is now 8 months old. He started in the ābaby 1ā room and will be moving to ābaby 2ā next week.
He had two teachers which made the ratio 1:4 which is state law. Found out three weeks ago one teacher was moving out of state, they quickly hired a new teacher.
We noticed the week before Memorial Day that the veteran teacher seemed to be the only person at pick up and drop off times. On Friday before Memorial Day weekend my husband went to pick up our son and the veteran teacher was alone in the room with the babies and crying. She informed him that she had just been told by management that they were moving her to a toddler room (she had been in that baby room for two years) and keeping the new hire in the baby room. This was happening because they were apparently not getting along?
After Memorial Day, last week, things have fallen apart fast. And my husband and I are growing concerned.
Day after Memorial Day there was a new teacher in the room. New hire nowhere to be seen. So if youāre following this is a third NEW face to us and my son since March and in the last two weeks. Zero communication from management on what is happening and who this third teacher is and where the new hire is.
Our son has always consumed 4, 4 oz bottles of breast milk plus a purƩe. Suddenly he is only eating three, 3 oz bottles. They were sending an unconsumed bottle home each day last week. They have a policy where any milk not consumed in a feeding needs to be dumped. So 3 oz has been going down the drain.
On Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday all babies were screaming in the room at pick up. Including our son. I could tell he was way over stimulated when we got him in the car those days which is not his normal self. Tears streaming down his face and face bright red. Before last week my husband and I always noted how quiet and happy the babies were at the end of the day. The difference is jarring.
On Friday my husband picked up our son and asked this teacher if she was all alone with 8 babiesā¦. She looked panicked and answered no. We think this is a lie. My husband noted there was poop stains on the outside of our sonās clothing when we got him home, we took pictures. We have no idea how long our son sat in soiled clothes.
Ok so fuck Iām typing all this out and think we need to call the daycare. Am I overreacting? Last night I couldnāt sleep from intrusive thoughts of his safety being jeopardized and being anxious about sending him today.
My husband wants to give it another day or two to see if anything changes but I donāt know.
I know our son is moving to another room next week but Iām concerned this is an internal problem and maybe not a room issue.
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u/ArmadilloNo2163 5h ago
How would you think you are overreacting here?
I worked daycare, really high staff turnover causes a lot of safety mishaps.
I would not bring him back tomorrow.
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u/bookish0378 5h ago
I have PPA/D and have a tendency to be an anxious personā¦. My husband is making it seem like this is not too serious and itāll get better.
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u/ArmadilloNo2163 5h ago
This is serious and will not get better.
Theyāre neglecting your baby and sending in people youāve never met with no notice.
Absolutely not overreacting! Does your husband regularly dismiss your concerns as PPA?
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u/bookish0378 4h ago edited 4h ago
We are meeting with the director in a couple hours.
Yes, there hasnāt been a single communication on who is in the room and the changes happening.
Not at all, heās been supportive through my recovery journey. I think for him heās worried but keeps trying to find rational explanations. I more so dismiss myself out of concern I sound crazy. BUT I donāt want to rationalize neglect of my baby.
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u/ArmadilloNo2163 3h ago
Youāre not crazy! They are leaving her to scream and in poopy clothing. Thatās neglect.
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u/Brief-State-5680 4h ago
Nope nope nope nope nope.
You are not overreacting. Overreacting would be immediately reporting the whole thing to CPS without communicating with the daycare first. Waiting a few days as your husband suggested seems like an underreaction to me.
Your baby comes home inconsolable in soiled clothes and the teacher is alone with 8 babies and the other teacher was crying the other day? Nope. That is not normal. Your baby is eating less? Not a good sign.
No one could take care of eight babies on their own and have everyone fed and diapered. Let alone kept safely in cribs and prevented from falling, choking etc. It sounds like the teachers are competent but don't have adequate support.
Honestly I do not think it would be an overreaction to keep your baby out until you receive the full names of BOTH teachers in the classroom and have a chance to talk with them both yourself to get a feel for how well they're being supported. And if you get concrete evidence that they're violating their ratios, you can go to the licensing board and you probably should.
You're not being an asshole, it's just not safe what they're doing. You are allowed to be a mama bear and I'm sorry but your husband is not correct about waiting. You're not calling the licensing board (yet), you're just making sure you're leaving your own baby in a safe situation. A baby that little can't advocate for themselves so you have all the license to be Mama bear in this scenarioĀ
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u/bookish0378 4h ago
Thank you. I have been feeling sick all day. Iām so worried about him. We are speaking with the director soon. I needed someone to give me permission to be mama bear.
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u/Brief-State-5680 3h ago
You have my full permission!
Also, he will be okay for one more day. You can pick him up today and do what you need to do and he will be fine. Pick him up a little early if you need to, if you can get away from your desk. But don't let your mind imagine the worst because even though the situation needs to change, he's likely to be basically ok for a few hoursĀ
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u/xjackiedaytonax 5h ago
Definitely need to have a meeting with the daycare director about your concerns and lack of communication. The fact that there's been no communication about the teacher changes is worrisome. My son has only had that happen once in the 4 years he was at a church daycare/preschool but they emailed all the parents in the middle of the day to let them know the teacher had walked out and what the plan was going forward. I would not wait until he moves rooms. Do it now for the sake of the other children and find another daycare if need be. It's so hard when they see that young and can't tell you what is going on.
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u/dngrousgrpfruits 3h ago
Get on wait lists now. Like today.
Note the days and times you think they were out of radio, and make a report with the appropriate licensing agency.
If everything settles down and youāre happy there, ok fine! If it gets sketchy you can pull your kid ASAP without scrambling to find alternate care.
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u/bookish0378 2h ago
Just met with the director. I showed her the slips given to us last week documenting him eating less than usual and only one teacher signing giving me the impression there was only one teacher. I was reassured that floats had been in the room last week (new hire had been out sick) to cover. Again, she admitted this wasnāt an excuse and would ensure all teachers would sign their names at the end of the day, even if they are a float.
She thought the infant coordinator (who is on vacation) had emailed parents about the sudden staffing changes. When I informed her that never happened she apologized and said there is no excuse for that.
Iām going to get on waitlists just in case. If something else happens or they do in fact show me they are not meeting ratios weāll pull him.
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u/404Usernameno 4h ago
Yea that sounds concerning.
My daughter started from about 3m (one day, then later 3 days). Frequently one baby starts crying and the rest follows suit. That can happen. Also the 1:4 ratio is the same here, but sometimes one walks out to do something or take a short break. Also on opening and closing they don't necessarily keep the ratio because the kids are coming in/leaving and so do the teachers except one.
But they would never leave a child in soiled clothes and every new person was communicated about upfront (regularly placement for students, too, but those also sent intro letter). The teachers that are in that day have photos and names next to the group door. There were no personnel surprises, ever.
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u/bookish0378 4h ago
We are meeting with the director soon. I want my baby in my arms so badly right now.
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u/pnk_lemons 55m ago
Even if a teacher is taking a short break, legally there should be a floater or admin in the room providing coverage so that ratio never drops below 1:4.
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u/BlueJeanMistress 4h ago
Definitely not overreacting! Does this daycare have cameras or an app where they log feedings/changing of diapers? I would definitely contact the daycare-if needed would you be able to find a new daycare relatively soon?
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u/bookish0378 4h ago
No cameras. They have a Facebook group for his classrooms where they infrequently post pictures. We receive a slip of paper where they log feedings, diaper changes, and naps.
I know they keep copies of the papers, Iāve been saving the last few and will take them with us when we meet with the director soon.
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u/pnk_lemons 57m ago
Iād report this directly to your state licensing agency for them to investigate. One teacher with eight infants is dangerous.
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u/DrMamaBear 5h ago
You are no overreacting. Absolutely go with your gut. Start looking at alternatives now. Raise it with the daycare too but it sounds like you need to find somewhere new. You may also need to report them if they are not at ratio. Iāve been there OP and Iām so glad we moved when we did. Itās difficult though so take care of yourself.