She lays out how she hasn’t been working for 10 years and now her husband wants a divorce. She talks about how she simply uses their American Express and how he simply just cut her off from it.

From the video, it seems it’s sudden. She’s a pretty woman. She seems very normal. So it’s not like he can use any stereotypical excuses men can use to justify leaving. Sounds like the guy was just over it.

I’m actually happy social media is showing the true risk of giving up your entire independence. I feel like it’s so heavily “stay home” on social media platforms that showing the sad reality many face is actually refreshing! I’m all for staying home if it’s what’s best for your family, but sooo many people go into it without realizing the true risks associated with it. Go her for posting the warning and getting it out to people.

Anyone else over hearing "I stay home because I wanted to raise my children" or my personal favorite "working moms get breaks, my life is 24/7".

I don't care about the mommy wars, but I have a huge amount of hatred for anyone who suggests that working moms aren't raising our kids.

So sorry if this is not allowed; please delete if so!

Does anyone know if a similar sub to this one exists for moms making less than 100K a year? I love being here but some of the issues/solutions/experiences that are shared are just not even in the realm of my possibility (and probably won't ever be!). NO snark or shade whatsoever; love that a lot of you ladies are working hard and killing it! I just find it hard to relate to so much of the advice.

I hope I'm not stepping on any toes and this is in no way an invitation to seagull all over anyone, just wondering if there is another sub I should join as well.

edited because I can't spell invitation.

I work in a male-dominated field and luckily there is a nice lactation room that I can access throughout the day. However I’m thinking about asking to change the code for the lock, because on three separate occasions I’ve encountered other people using the lactation room for other needs. And I returned to work less than a month ago!

I’m pretty confident that I’m the only nursing mother at my office, because there is zero evidence of anyone else ever using the space for pumping; everything stays exactly where I’ve put it, there is never any extra trash in the trash cans, no other milk in the fridge, etc.

I walked into today and there was a woman taking a meeting in there, and during my pumping session someone knocked on the door despite there being signs that say “Lactation room: In use”. It seems very invasive and strange, especially that other people have the code. Last week a man straight up walked in while my boobs were out.

Would it be rude to ask to get it changed?? I don’t mind responses from anyone, that’s just the flair that fits the post best.

UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to reach out to HR. They responded very quickly, were very apologetic, and are putting different lock on the room next week that will restrict access and they can look into who’s trying to get in there when they don’t have access.

If you’re here to tell me to go high when someone else goes low, please scroll on by.

ETA: really? Someone reported this to Reddit cares because I’m matching his energy today?

My husband didn’t do much at all for Mother’s Day. No card, no gift. I got up with our child.

He made last minute brunch reservations the morning of. I was clear to him, I’m not a huge breakfast eater, he is the one that likes breakfast, so if we go, I want it to be somewhere I can get a light meal.

He assured me it was simple. So I got all ready to go. We get there and it was a $75/pp all you can eat brunch (that price for kids too). He said “I looked online and they have a normal menu”. I said “not on a holiday they don’t. Did you look at their events? Call and ask?” Nope. He didn’t. I understand why that place had reservations available that day at that price.

I got up and left and he had to find the waiter and tell them we weren’t going to be dining with them. Ofc I couldn’t get any other reservations so I ended up taking my kid to McDonalds.

The rest of the day I parented, did chores, life as usual etc. I didn’t even get a free social media post about me for Mother’s Day.

So today, I did not wake up with her, I told her to get dad. I didn’t plan any special meals or events. I still made a normal lunch. Didn’t plan gifts or a card.

I made plans with my dad for dinner and will be taking my daughter.

I’m matching his energy. To be clear— I don’t need a fancy day. But I do want to be acknowledged. A thoughtful card picked out a few days in advance. I’m happy with pancakes at home— but a plan ahead and have the ingredients so you can make them. Just some thought and effort that’s it’s not just “another day”.

I’m not going to go high and give him a great day when he can’t do the bare minimum for me. And this is year 8 of him not doing much for Mother’s Day, so he’s had plenty of chances. Not anymore.

I’m late thirties and have been working in my field for about a decade now. I started a new job earlier this year and thought I was doing well, but I got some feedback recently about my attire that has just devastated me.

I’m in field sales, and business professional attire is unusual in my industry, but business casual is very common. My work communicated that business casual was the dress code. My colleagues dress in business casual. So I should be all set to dress business casual, right?

I was pulled aside and told I needed to focus more on my appearance. That I needed to look less casual, and to have a more tailored look. I’ve been so self conscious about how my clothes fit—nothing looks tailored or polished on me. I am very short, only 5 feet tall, with an unusually short torso. I had a baby two years ago, my third kid, and I’ve struggled to lose weight. The hardest part is that I went from a 34C to a 38H. I’m so, so self conscious. A year ago I started a diet, and it’s improved my health and bloodwork but has not resulted in weight loss. Six months ago I started doing strength training in addition to cardio, that also has not resulted in weight loss.

I carry all my weight in my belly and particularly my breasts, and it makes it impossible to look polished and professional. I just look lumpy even with shapewear. I typically wear black slacks in Petite so that they’re the correct length, and a dark colored blouse. I opt for nicer pieces secondhand, usually something that’s cotton, wool, silk, or cashmere. I have nice jewelry I accessorize with. But no matter how hard I try, I just look kind of sloppy and unpolished.

So they really hit a nerve about my appearance because I was already so self conscious about how nothing fits right or looks polished. How can I look presentable?

I’m in outside sales rep and I’m not doing great. I’m being told I don’t do enough travel. I don’t sell enough. I’m not spending enough time at my accounts (instead I’m working from my home office).

When I told my boss previously that I don’t have family support and it’s just me and my husband, and that it’s super hard doing everything (work, pickups, dinner, household, etc). He basically confronted me and said I am not working hard enough and tried to get me to agree. (I didnt agree, instead I told him that I had hit quota for over 5 years in a row and said I felt targeted).

He backed off, but he has a stay at home wife. There’s only about 10% of women on my team. It’s so male dominated and high-earning. Most the wives barely work.

I just want to cry. I feel like I am completely disenfranchised and I can’t actually have it all. The expectations of this job have been increasing year over year and it just doesn’t seem possible long-term especially with my husbands job.

Not to brag about my $15,000 summer plans but wanted to share! ;) HCOL in USA.

10 weeks of summer camp for three year old (includes lunch)- $4,280

10 weeks of daycare for infant - $3,550

Nanny to cover afternoons/evenings - $7,500

Total cost of childcare for two kids this summer is $15,330.

I was wondering why I hadn’t planned a vacation!

Edit: Three year old goes to private school that doesn’t go year around so you enroll them in summer camp 8am-3pm for summer months.

Nanny is 25 hours a week 3-8pm. I have customer dinners and travel occasionally so she helps in evenings.

And I’m proud to be working and to have the salary that allows my kids to have a fun safe summer!

Title, pretty much. Would you still work if finances were not a factor? I’m curious how many of us are working moms instead of SAHMs because we want to be vs. because it is the best choice for our family / ourselves financially. Would love to hear thoughts!

Randomly, in conversations with other moms, especially during the holidays after a few drinks, I will hear moms say that working is harder vs staying at home— or vice versa. It always irritates me to hear this pity Olympics, especially from boomers (I’ve posted another popular post about this before). I think all persons who care for infants have challenges, whether they work or stay home. I will say from my experience that staying home is physically exhausting because you don’t really get a break. It’s non stop and often partners feel like bc one stays home, they don’t need help or outsourcing. There is also a loss of identity sometimes. In my case, working (medical research and government research) has been mentally fulfilling but wayyy more stressful, because of the obvious lack of time to: cook, take kids to the library during the week, sick days, PTO, mental load of lists, having to deal with Performing at a job and actually doing a good job while sleep is elusive. Yes you do “get a break” for 8 hours a day but with commutes and a job, it’s not like you’re napping for 8 hours. Work is work. It can feel like you have zero personal time. So, both are challenging and us women need to stop comparing each other because each experience is individually different. Personally, working makes me feel like a person but it is so much more stressful than staying home. Curious to hear your experiences.

Truly the math ain’t mathing. I’d like to get into a good routine and possibly lose some weight but I just can’t see where it fits in??

6am wake up and get ready for work

6:30-7:15 kids up, fed, dressed

7:30 kid drop off and commute

8-4 work

4:30 commute and kid pickup

5-6 cook and have dinner

6-730 play time, baths, bedtime

Then I’ve got about an hour or two where something *could* fit in but I’m usually exhausted by this point and that’s also the only time I have to spend with my husband during the week.

It feels like my only options are:

-5am wake up to work out but then I’m sacrificing sleep when I’m already so dead tired

-Post-dinner/pre-bed but then I’m sacrificing time with my kids and putting a huge solo parenting load on my husband

-Post-bedtime when I’m totally worn out from the day and all I want to do it couch rot until I fall asleep

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!

…to pee in peace while home.

(Add your own!)

Watched “all her fault”amazing show, won’t get into it but it definitely describes to a T the mental load. Talked to many boomer grandmas and they don’t get it, bot just now but before and I always get the sense that boomer working moms don’t get us. They “just did it”. Mental load? It was called “taking care of your kids and your home”. Dad didn’t help enough? Well that was to be expected. So I ask you amazing moms: what makes being a working mom so hard in 2025 that they didn’t experience— even with great daycare or Nannie’s? Or did they just culturally and generationally not complain. We are not weaker, I believe we actually have it harder but I’m curious why you think it is.

I had a single mom with schizophrenia who never made more than $15k a year. We were on section 8 and food stamps.

I ended up marrying someone from the upper middle class bracket. All of our friends are from that same bracket.

Their parents have helped them all so much. They’ve given them down payments on houses. They’ve paid for their college educations. Their weddings. Bought them cars. Bring them on vacations. Watch their grandkids bc they were able to retire on time (or early).

All of my friends love their parents so much. Speak so highly of them. They respect their parents so much.

I have no idea for most of them if they had one of the parents stay home or not. But they all speak about the support they get from them as adults. How lucky they feel to have that safety net. My in laws didn’t give us a down payment but I feel good knowing if we ever needed money, they have it. The safety net alone is huge.

This is a reminder to us working parents. We’re constantly reading about “enjoying the kids while they’re little” and “go down to the basics to afford someone staying home”. But in my eyes, that’s to satisfy a personal want. I had kids bc I wanted to raise functioning, happy adults. Them being little just isn’t the whole thing for me.

Our kids will grow up. And they will still need us. So if you’re working to get yourself financially well, just know you’re doing it for your kids. And they will be so thankful for that help when they’re adults.

I'm leaving my family (husband, 3 year old) to do a 1 year fellowship in oral surgery in a different city - 3 hour flight away. I know this opportunity is what I need to advance my career but I am struggling with leaving my child. I graduated in 2020 and missed out on a lot of procedures bc of COVID. I've since worked outpatient but am looking to advance my career. My husband and son plan to visit every month for about a week -12 days time. My husband can't come bc he's an er physician and moving the family for 1 year doesn't make much sense. Someone please tell me I'm doing the right thing. My son goes to day care 2 days a week and the other days I watch him vs my in laws...i am going to miss him so much. Any other moms ever do something like this? I'm thinking it's finite so I can do anything for a year but then I second guess everything...

The fellowship gives experience in Orthognathic and trauma and implant surgery to complex patients (fibula reconstruction), which I haven't done since residency. I'm looking to change my career and don't feel confident doing these procedures since I haven't done them in the past 5 years. I just can't keep working in the same setting I am in, I am so bored. I tried to be a stay at home mom too and that just doesn't work for me. A lot of people don't understand why I am doing this but I sacrificed so much for the last 3 years and I want my son to see me happy and going after my goals.

I’ll go first. Frankly, I am wealthy, there I said it. I am not buy a yact wealthy though.

The thing is I continue working as a lawyer because I grew up in an abusive family. First, it was my biological father and then my stepfather. My mom was employed full-time in her marriages to make ends meet. She worked as a blue collar, manual labor worker. The second husband earned a little bit more than her, cheated on her, wouldn’t pay his share of the rent, and left her. She took out her retirement savings to pay legal fees, rent, groceries, and my living expenses.

At the time, I was finishing up college and was looking for my first big girl job. Anyway, it was a really challenging time but nothing different from similarly situated women from emotionally abusive and financially abusive relationships.

My mom has been carrying this trauma for almost 40 years and she’s 72 this year. I blocked it from my memory honestly. So whenever I bring up the topic that I want to raise my toddler and quit being a lawyer, my mom berates me, calling me stupid, foolish, naive, and then proceeds to give me a bunch of “what ifs” like what if husband cuts off my access to his/our money then I can’t even afford a legal fee besides the basic retainer.

I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone. Most women marry “up” and I’m one of them. But I can’t shake off the feelings of inadequacy and insecurity either from myself and mostly my mom. I love my mom very much, she’s my best friend. I know she means well for me. Her trauma is her protection towards me. She tells me to continue commuting and working. Don’t financially rely on my husband ever and save my money.

That approach, however, is taking time away from my only child (I had my baby in my mid-30s). Also, I want to spend my financial and time resources on doing things I want to do. Like reading a book, picking up my kid up from school, going to the gym mid-day. But now, I’m chained to my desk working in an office. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful I have this job, it’s a good job and it’s foolish for me to leave. I always remember how stressed I was when I finished law school and was job hunting like a madwoman. My then boyfriend, now husband, told me to take a chill pill.

I apologize if this post rubbed you off the wrong way. People get angry when money topics are honestly discussed.

Not sure if it’s just me, but deciding what to cook every day is exhausting.

It’s not even the cooking. It’s the constant “what are we eating tonight?” question. I try to plan ahead but I never stick to it. Then I end up stressed later in the week.

I feel like busy moms are expected to just magically figure this out.
How do you all handle weekly meals without it turning into daily stress?

Curious how other moms actually deal with this without losing their mind.

Can I just declare "megathread"? I don't know, not totally sure I used it right.

Not looking for your job title and description (I mean you can include that too if you want) but, instead just like, freestyle about your workday today in a relatable not too jargony way (omg I sound like a DOGE mole, I'm just nosy!!!)

We're united by "working" and "moms" and I feel like I get the mom part in and out but not always sure about work. People will be like "What should I wear on a call with my direct report to discuss a PIP about a project on which he is the only contributor" WHAT project. Contributing what. What y'all up to.

Outside of my career (scientist) and my family and friends (pretty much all very tangible small business owners, tradespeople, musicians), what people do for work is such a mystery to me.

Working moms, I need your help!

For context, I work in Compliance at a major financial institution. 2 weeks ago, I had a 1:1 with my manager who told me that I showed up on a new report of people who are spending less than 8 hours a day in-office during our 3 required in-office days. When I started with this company in April, I was promised flexibility and told that the expectation is that we are spending "most" of the day at the office during the 3 mandatory in-office days. Since then, I usually get to the office just after 9 and leave around 2 and finish the rest of the day working from home before I have to pick up my 2 kids (under 4) from daycare by 5:30 when it closes. The day after that conversation with my manager, our senior exec let everyone know that starting in January, the requirement will be 4 days a week in office, in addition to making sure we're chained to our desks for the new 8 hour minimum.

I got MAD. And after I got mad, I got to work. I spent the next week reading everything I could find online about the mass exodus of working moms from the labor force, RTO policy, and workplace flexibility, etc. Then, I wrote an email to the company's "Women's Connection" group to ask if they were having any conversations with leadership given the disproportionate impact this lack of flexibility has on women/working parents and cited the 2024 McKinsey Women in the Workplace report.

I got a response TODAY from a super senior exec who got my email and wants to meet with me TOMORROW to talk about it. Her response said she wanted to meet to "discuss your email regarding the resumption of in-office work and the McKinsey report. I know how important these issues are."

Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? I was fully expecting to not get a response from anyone. Do I draft a memo, create a deck? How prepared should I be for this conversation?

Edit: The female exec that responded is not HR, she is the executive sponsor of the company’s Women’s organization.

Update: Meeting with the exec went... okay. She was receptive and sympathetic to the points I made but I quickly understood that this was more or less a courtesy call to say thank you for raising the issue, and that your voice has been heard. She said that she and others are having ongoing conversations about these topics with senior leaders. Will share my exec summary and my initial email asap. In the afternoon, I received a meeting invitation for tomorrow from a very senior HR exec to follow up on the call I had this morning. I'll report back!

Update 2.0: I HR exec cancelled meeting with no explanation. I emailed her and asked when we could reschedule and she said she needed to find a time that works for her manager, but she has still not set another meeting. Now I’m in the process of drafting emails to send to my manager, the employee feedback team, HR, and our chief exec. I am confident that none of this have absolutely 0 impact on their policies but they need to know what they’re doing and I just won’t keep my mouth shut about it. Also applying to other jobs in the meantime. ❤️

This is something that's been rattling around in my mind for awhile. Especially since there are so many concerns about daycare, overwhelmed with activities etc.

I grew up with a working mom, who had a career in R&D for big Pharma, before and after my brother and I were born. She was a bit of an anomaly in the 80's and 90's when we were kids. We went to daycare young, and she busted her butt to get us to activities, carried the mental load, managed the finances and had a bit of a life on the side. She flexed her hours at work, so she left early, but was home by 3:30 to take care of all our activities. My dad worked 9-5, so would get us to morning appointments when needed, and get us off to school, but he also volunteered, coached and was an active father, again, a bit of an anomaly.

Having her as an example, I feel has made it a bit easier for me, because I saw what she did, plus she still made time for us. I can easily lean on her for support, even though she's five states away, and I can vent to her about most things. When I feel like my brain is about to explode from everything, she says 'I get it', and I know she does, and doesn't judge. She also knows that things are different now for parents. Like I have three different logins and apps for school, where she just had hard copies of forms. She was shocked a few weeks ago, when after my daughter's first day of school, my phone was blowing up from various notifications from school and the PTA.

I'm just curious what example other women had growing up, and if growing up with an active, working mother has made a different mark on me, than maybe somebody who had a stay at home parent.

*ah I see the title typo, but it won't let me change it!*

Well I can't help but feel a little triggered today, lol.

I work from home full-time, self employed, and tend to work at least 50-60 hours weeks. My son just told me that "all I do is stay home all day so I'm lucky to be a stay at home mom like his friends moms" (all actual SAHM). And I'm embarrassed to admit my response was a very loud "WHAAAAT".

NO HATE to SAHMs, but, I'm a single mom with full custody and currently receive no child support- built a marketing agency from poverty after a bad situation while we were living out of someone's garage.

Obviously my ego is just having a moment, but I wanted to scream. Maybe it's just a reflection of how often I feel like people insinuate I must not work or something because I have a home office? When in reality I actually feel like I really do do the parts of both a boss and SAHM all day long.

How do you talk to your kids about respecting the fact you have to work, without sounding like you're trying to throw other mom's choices/situations under the bus?

I am a worker whose job may have federal funds tied to it. So I am scared of losing that. I have a kid who needs services. I live in a red state. I am getting up and checking my phone every morning hoping they don’t cut her services. I want another kid but to afraid because of abortion bans and how that could effect miscarriages. I am afraid as a woman I may be sent home because I am not a white male. My husband doesn’t understand but him as a cis white male is not very much affected by this but his daughter is.

I am so scared right now. I don’t know if I am catastrophizing or not… I am just hoping not to feel so alone.

Also, I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining because I know the lbgtq and minority community have it worse. This blue dot feels for u.

Edit: I used I used “cis white male” not to degrade him but to say it will not effect him the same way if he was gay, black, or woman. He does not have to carry the baby or have members of government speak quotes that are nasty about him. He will have a different experience than others.

I use it occasionally for personal use like ChatGPT for a question here and there but it is really getting pushed at work and I’m getting so so fatigued from it.
Work is pushing boodlebox and I’m just so freaking tired of the conversation and idea of it. I know it’s so bad for the environment so why is it getting pushed? I’m just curious. If it’s so bad why should we be using it? Curious about other perspectives.
If I refuse to use it, do you think I could get fired? I mean I’m hearing it’s hurting our water and now I’m starting to think this could end up being a crisis.

Just genuinely curious

I just got informed (20 min ago) that my job will permit me 6 weeks paid maternity leave, and I have the option of taking an additional 6 unpaid. This is my first child and my heart is breaking. I don't have the finances to responsibly take an additional 6 weeks unpaid leave. Further, I'm not even confident that my physical health will be in a state to go back to work after just 6 weeks. The thought of putting my new born into day care is heart shattering. I recognize this may be a common American practice but one that I cannot fully wrap my brain around. I may suggest working remotely during the 6 weeks, but I'm not sure how to broach the subject. The office I work in prefers everyone in the office, however, I could do the work from home. Should I address now or wait until the paid 6 weeks ends and say I would like to start back but intend on doing so from home?

**UPDATE**

Thank you all for the insight and advice. I looked into short term disability and it seems I do have a policy. Upon contacting the rep she said I could file a claim, but would need to verify my employer was not also filing a claim. I approached my boss and it turns out this is indeed how my 6 weeks is going to be funded. Really unfortunate that this was not disclosed at the outset. He referenced that the short term disability is not for "double dipping," I found this comment to be offensive and told him that it would not be "double dipping" but rather ensuring me income during the 12 weeks I was home. Any way, I told him that I would likely return at the 7th week due to financial reasons and if we could remain fluid with what that looks like at that time I would appreciate it. We will see.

I work in HR at a real estate finance company in NYC. also are we WFH or in office/hybrid?