r/workingmoms • u/alpacalypse-llama • 29d ago
Only Working Moms responses please. This Mother’s Day, I want…
…to pee in peace while home.
(Add your own!)
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u/Actuarial_Equivalent 29d ago
I want to do a crap load of yard work before I have surgery next week and will be benched for a month.
Also... the surgery is my final reconstruction surgery after a double mastectomy last year, so that's exciting. And my insurance approved the "fancy" version of an implant so the end result should hopefully look ok. Woo hoo!
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u/waanderlustt software engineer with 2 kiddos under 5 29d ago
Good luck! I’m having shoulder surgery in a few weeks. May we both heal quickly
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u/DaylightxRobbery 28d ago
My fingers are crossed for you! This would be my answer as well.
If it's okay, can I ask how many reconstructions you had? I had a single mastectomy last year with reconstruction and a lift in the other side to "even" things out, but now I'm lopsided. I don't wear anything braless anymore and wearing dresses is hard unless I buy very specific ones. I know I should go back for another reconstruction but I also don't want to be benched for 6 weeks since I JUST got back into a routine at the gym!
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u/MightyPinkTaco 28d ago
I’m so happy for you! (Genuinely). Our health system is such a joke so it’s good to hear when something goes right for someone.
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u/South-Helicopter-514 29d ago
My car fully detailed inside and out! Though truly I don't really care about the outside, I just want the inside sparkling
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u/Econonomnomist 29d ago
This is my gift request every year, and it works out well because the kids can help!
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u/ActualEmu1251 29d ago
Had my car professionally detailed before each of my kids were born. Totally worth $200!
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u/NeedAUsrnmRightMeow 29d ago
Oh I get this every year. It’s THE BEST hands down. This and someone else to fix and clean up dinner. 🤣
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u/ClarkesMama118 29d ago
Husband did this for me last year...it was the dirtiest it had ever been like a month later.
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u/veggievibing 29d ago
To be a father
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u/alpacalypse-llama 29d ago
Can you explain?
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u/Winter-Fold7624 29d ago
To have the “dad role” - no mental load, just have to work and make money (some don’t even do that), and have a wife at home to take care of everything else. I can’t speak for the original commenter, but I think that’s what they mean because I want that too!
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u/ocean_plastic 29d ago
I started acting like my husband about a year ago and now we’re both exhausted every night😅 100% recommend though bc that man finally gets it lol
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u/IrisUnicornCorn 29d ago
What changed for you? What did you do or not do differently?
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u/ocean_plastic 28d ago edited 28d ago
It’s one thing to tell your husband that you want him to do more and another to stop doing certain things so that he has to do more. He’s never gonna take on more if you keep doing everything. My husband has always strived to be an equal partner and has always done a fair amount, but I had to do less if I wanted him to do more in a meaningful way. It also meant learning to rest and giving myself time to do it- even if 800 things in the house “should” be getting done. This looks like taking a nap on a Saturday afternoon when my toddler’s napping instead of running around doing errands. Piles of laundry sit around for a little longer than I’d like but I’m more regulated and happier.
For completeness I should note that we’ve talked a lot about division of household labor, established systems and outsource as much as we can. We both work full time so we both are all hands on deck with our toddler and home. In practicality my husband does more of the day-to-day with my toddler (I.e., getting him ready for daycare, breakfast, making lunches, more daycare drop offs/pick ups, bath) because I do more of the planning (mental load). Also basics like I cook dinner most nights so he does dishes. We both do our own laundry and split doing laundry for our son.
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u/South-Helicopter-514 29d ago
Also to not have to spend any time with my own mother lol.
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u/Spaceysteph working mom of 3 29d ago
Move 800 miles from either family of origin and get mother's day all to yourself. Follow me for more life pro tips.
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u/NikJunior 29d ago
Hahahahah or my MIL for that matter
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u/ocean_plastic 29d ago
This is the first year my MIL didn’t fight us to make Mother’s Day all about her. But then when my husband asked her to babysit she passive aggressively booked a trip out of town “since no one wanted to spend Mother’s Day with me” - even though we did an early brunch last weekend.
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u/KiddoTwo 11F/7F/3F 29d ago
For the first time time ever, my MIL is going to be away for both weekends - the actual weekend and what I call the “make up weekend”, which is the weekend after in case we can’t make the real weekend work, thus absolving myself from having to spend time with her and I feel like a million bucks. THIS is my real gift!! 🥰
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u/longfurbyinacardigan 29d ago
For real. At first I'm like, oh great, a day devoted to me!..... in which I still have to do mental and physical labor for my own mother and mother-in-law. 🫠
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u/Spaceysteph working mom of 3 29d ago
I told my husband that I refuse to be in charge of his mother's Mother's Day present. I remind him once that it's coming up and he is free to do with that information what he will. (I shouldn't even have to do that but I'm nice.)
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u/South-Helicopter-514 29d ago
I adore my inlaws who live half the country away, but husband is responsible for them. i feel bad about it but I can't add it to my list. I remind him of their birthdays and he pulls something together last minute/late, but he doesn't do anything for Mothers/Fathers day
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u/Actuarial_Equivalent 29d ago
Oh hell yes! I still 100% associate Mother's Day with my own mom's drama. We would bend over backwards to try to make things special and she'd end up crying hysterically about something.
This Mother's Day I helped my kids buy presents for me and I'm sure I'll cook breakfast for everyone. But that's ok. Honestly it will be drama free and that will make everyone happy.
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u/South-Helicopter-514 29d ago
Omg that sucks. Mine is the "oh nothing for me teehee then I'M GOING ON A MOM STRIKE BECAUSE NO ONE WILL EVER HELP ME!!!" martyr, and we've never, ever gotten along. I kind of feel like once you're a grandma, you pass down the honor of the day. At least until I become Grandma 😂
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u/Mathleticdirector 29d ago
I moved back to my hometown. And on Mother’s Day, I may regret it…. I really just want to have a day with my family.
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u/South-Helicopter-514 29d ago
YUP, same here. We were an hour away in a major city and wanting a SF house with the yard and garage after lockdown made me do the thing I swore I'd NEVER EVER DO, move back to my hometown. It's helpful for some things but I still regret that aspect most of the time!
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u/waanderlustt software engineer with 2 kiddos under 5 29d ago
I purposefully planned time with my mom the day before so that Sunday will be peaceful !
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u/FUCancer_2008 29d ago
I want to feel ok & have enough energy to last the day, getting over pneumonia with stage 4 cancer.
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u/Dragon_wryter 29d ago
To be left TF alone
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u/ArachnidAdmirable760 29d ago
This is what I want the most every single year yet I still feel guilty to not want to be around the people who made me a mom. Why do I let myself feel that way!
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u/kken21 29d ago
I feel this so much. My husband is taking our son to his parents and I feel like an asshole for just wanting to be ~ alone ~
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u/ArachnidAdmirable760 29d ago
It needs to be normalized! I don’t *actually* want breakfast in bed or presents because I can make that happen for myself. I just need quiet time. Constantly overstimulated with them around
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u/ahava9 29d ago
A guilt free day of pto while my toddler is at daycare
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u/Pursuit_of_Health 29d ago
Take it on Monday!
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u/ahava9 29d ago
I am actually off but I’m running errands most of the day. And I’m trying not to feel guilty about being off.
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u/MightyPinkTaco 28d ago
Okay can we discuss this work guilt? I fucking hate it! I took a day and a half off to take care of my violently ill husband and child and felt guilty about it! I felt guilty about cleaning puke and washing bedding multiple times!
It doesn’t matter how legit the reason is for PTO I’m just stressing about my workload.
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u/HappyOctober2015 29d ago
My company randomly gives us off the Friday before Labor Day. The kids are in school, my husband is at work - my absolute favorite day of the year. I get to do absolutely anything I want all day - guilt free!
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u/Chicklid 29d ago
I have this for Indigenous People's Day, it's excellent. The flip side is i work Veteran's day, when my husband and kids are off!
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u/MzScarlet03 28d ago
For a Mother's Day present my husband and I are going to a baseball game in boujie seats by ourselves while the toddler is at daycare. It is for my favorite team and I get to be chauffeured around so I can eat hotdogs and drink a beer in peace.
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u/omg__lol 29d ago
A massage appointment. IMPORTANT: I do NOT mean a gift card where I still have to do the mental labor of booking my own appointment. I want the appointment scheduled for me AND the kids accounted for during that time 😊
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u/EchoingInTheVoid 29d ago
This. Last year my partner told my in-laws that this was what they should get me since they wanted to know. They got me a gift card and guess what? I didn’t get to go until something was actually wrong with me in March of this year. Also the gift card they got me for a mani-pedi - the place closed so I never got to go.
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u/festivelime 29d ago
That’s so annoying. My dad and his wife got me a gift card for my birthday in September for a mani pedi. I went like 4 days before it expired in March because it expired 6 months after purchase. What drives me most nuts is it cost $100+ for a mani/pedi and the gift card was for $30. I feel like it’s my step mom’s way to be passive aggressive to me when she knows the pedicure is $50 because she goes there every other week!!!!
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u/Admirable-Moment-292 29d ago
To enjoy a coffee in one sitting, while it's hot!
ETA: I know my husband will take wonderful care of me on Mother's Day, I know I already have gifts awaiting. But the hot coffee thing is icing on the cake lol!
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u/wthoutwax 29d ago
An ember mug changed my life. Highly recommend.
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u/Haningka 29d ago
Or a really well insulated travel mug. That’s what I do now since my ember got old and won’t hold a charge anymore (I drink coffee slowly).
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u/ixhyk 29d ago
not having to pump first thing in the AM and the last thing i do before i sleep.
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u/StitchingUnicorn 29d ago
Honestly, I stopped pumping earlier than I planned because I hated it. Turns out you can nurse when together and use formula when apart and everyone is fine! And then my birthday I stopped nursing completely. I felt we bonded better over a bottle!
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u/dreamerlilly 29d ago
Nice enough weather to go swimming with my daughter for the first time! I am so excited! She loves baths and I bet she’s going to be so cute and happy in the pool!
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u/fungibitch 29d ago
I looooove the pool. It’s probably my fav part of parenting: pool mom season. Enjoy!!!!
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u/Kindly_Dot_7006 29d ago
Ugh I have such a hard time with Mother’s Day….. my birthday is the week before so usually my husband puts in so much effort for my birthday Mother’s Day is such an afterthought and I feel so guilty about expecting him to plan things when he just planned thoughtful gifts, a lovely dinner with all my friends and childcare for our children, and something fun including g our children but I still want to do something and be thanked
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u/LelanaSongwind 29d ago edited 29d ago
My husband’s birthday is on Mother’s Day this year and I am at a loss as to how to handle it. I don’t want to celebrate both and I don’t know how 😂.
**edit: should have said I WANT to celebrate both!
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u/loligo_pealeii 29d ago
He takes his birthday and you get a makeup the following weekend? Or vice versa.
My mom's birthday frequently fell over Father's day so that's how we did it most of the time growing up.
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u/truthiness- 29d ago
Yeah, as a dad, I’d be saying Mother’s Day is more important, we can go out for a quick dinner next week for my bday. But birthdays aren’t really important for adults, imo. (Not that you can’t celebrate, but like, it doesn’t need to be some big affair. It can be easily moved.)
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u/Darkalleyandabadidea 29d ago
My youngest daughter’s birthday is April 21, mine is April 28, Mother’s Day is May 10, my middle daughter’s birthday is May 19, wedding anniversary is June 9th, and Father’s Day is June 21st. I feel your pain in my soul!!
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u/LelanaSongwind 29d ago
OMG yes, we are in a similar situation!! So many birthdays and celebrations right now!
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u/Gigglemonstah 29d ago
My birthday and mother's day are always within 3 days of each other. You'd think I'd get a special day for at least one of the two, but nah. It's like he gets so overwhelmed at the idea of having to "doing it up" for both that he just gives up and does neither. And then apologizes. Thankfully I no longer expect anything from him so if it's a good day, great, and if not, I just move on.
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u/Shakenbake1811 29d ago
My birthday is also the week before! It really throws them off haha Happy belated birthday and I hope you have a wonderful, guilt-free Mother’s Day! I totally get this!
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u/alpacalypse-llama 29d ago
I have a similar issue - my birthday is a week and a half later. I always give him gift ideas for the two, though, and our kids are old enough to start helping plan them too. I get the guilt, but remember, he gets two days too!
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u/Acceptable-Habit1289 29d ago
To have all the things my brain is constantly thinking about needing to be done….. done by somebody else. Lol
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u/Unusual_Reporter4742 29d ago
No 👏 wiping 👏butts 👏
I think this is my last year of this standing birthday and Mother’s Day request, after 8 years.
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u/loligo_pealeii 29d ago
To enjoy my morning coffee from start-to-finish, while its still hot, without interruption and without anyone touching me.
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u/sweetwallawalla 29d ago
Without touching me and without being asked to “WATCH THIS, MAMA!” on repeat.
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u/loligo_pealeii 29d ago
Or having to go split up a fight, or stop someone from putting their shoes in the toilet, or let the dog out to pee 8000 times (these are true life stories from this morning!)
We can dream, right?
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u/Desperate_Dare2835 29d ago edited 29d ago
For my kid’s dad to leave us alone. We’re divorced and he “wants his family back” after leaving his family in the middle of a midlife crisis/alcoholic bender.
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u/GreenMountain85 29d ago
My kids are so good to me that they would make a random Sunday in January into Mother’s Day if I asked them to, so Mother’s Day isn’t really a super special occasion- we usually get coffee and donuts from our favorite local donut shop and peruse the farmer’s market and my kids started a thing a few years ago where they clean the house up on Saturday so that I can wake up to an orderly house on actual Mother’s Day.
So… no major requests. Just for all my kids to get along and to have a nice peaceful day together!
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u/plowmanii5 29d ago
To eat all the food on my plate without anyone asking for a bite of it
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u/NikJunior 29d ago
Haha or just to eat all the food on my plate in a single sitting without having to get something for someone else
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u/BlueberryWaffles99 29d ago
My garage cleaned lol, this is actually genuinely what I asked my husband for! It’s so overwhelming walking into and I’m OVER IT.
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u/allis_in_chains 29d ago
I’m ethnically Hungarian (anyák napja was last Sunday), my husband is ethnically Mexican (so my son is half Mexican), and we live in the USA. We have the potential for three Mother’s Days for me every year. This year there’s only two because of Mexican and American falling on the same day, though. So I just turn the entire month of May into celebrating me. 😂
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u/alpacalypse-llama 29d ago
Aww, that’s awesome!
(PS I briefly worked at a Hungarian restaurant owned and operated by Hungarian folks. Holy cow that food was good!)
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u/allis_in_chains 29d ago
I joke with my husband that my cooking is 90% of the reason why he married me 😂
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u/longfurbyinacardigan 29d ago
A lot of people say they want to go to a hotel room and enjoy 24 hours by themselves. I would prefer my family go have a hotel room for 24 hours so I can exist in my home in peace and quiet 🥹
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u/acciocalm 29d ago
Gym
Iced coffee
Lacrosse game
Scalp treatment at the spa
Bowl of cannoli cream
While I do the gym and scalp treatment, kids and husband spring up the yard
I’m explicit about what I want which works perfectly for me.
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u/EmployeePotential622 29d ago
To not be asked for something or to do something while I’m in the middle of doing something else.
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u/yenraelmao 29d ago
To stop being in pain. My body just hasn’t been cooperating and I’ve had everything from the virus my kid gave me to hemrrhoids to contact dermatitis. Like none of them are that serious but it’s been an uncomfortable few weeks . And don’t get me started on my healthcare that I pay $800 a month for but barely covers anything
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u/Reaganonthemoon 29d ago
Deep cleaning of entire house, organizer to purge our closets, guest room and playroom, holiday decor put away, 1/2 a xanax, Cheesecake Factory to go, buttered popcorn from a movie theatre, snuggly fresh blankets out of the dryer after a hot shower, and family movies on our couch all night long together.
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u/sipporah7 29d ago
To take the Monday off after and have the day to myself and the house to myself and not do anything useful.
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u/drclompers 29d ago
I want to go to go to a Thai restaurant with kids with no complaining. Then I want to get ice cream. My kids are 4 and 8 and not adventurous eaters.
I want perfect weather to go to the park to ride bikes and play on a playground with no squabbling. And to sleep in!
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u/Additional_Bet3172 29d ago
My MIL to get the eff home. She’s been staying with us for 5 days and counting now.
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u/Orange_Owl01 29d ago
I want to spend time with my children and have a relaxing day….i know it won’t happen because my mom is still living and it’s all about her.
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u/Zestyclose-Working-8 29d ago
I’m a solo parent. I want to do something after 7 pm alone and without guilt. movie-concert-comedy show. I feel like I never see the world after dark.
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u/Downtown-Discipline9 29d ago
I actually sent this to my husband. Felt the tone was nice enough to share. And he had asked me earlier in the day what I wanted haha. https://youtube.com/shorts/3VeVlgxEFJE?si=nat3u3aZG2VHS--N
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u/iced_yellow 29d ago
For my child to actually cuddle with me—like, no climbing all over and wiggling the whole time or running away—for longer than 2.3 seconds
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u/Much-Ad9827 29d ago
To not have to spend my first Mother’s Day weekend at commencement related activities for work 🙃
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u/JLL61507 29d ago
Ice cream. Just give me an ice cream cone or a Blizzard or a freaking popsicle and leave me alone to read my book. Bonus points if someone cleans my toilets (that is not me)
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u/candyapplesugar 29d ago
A hot bath, hot yoga, to lay in my grass uninterrupted for 30 minutes, cuddle my dog, get to choose the movie, go out to eat, and a weighted eye mask. Maybe a fancy matcha, too!
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u/Material_Club_7035 29d ago
I want to take a nice walk in my neighborhood with my family, and then eat chocolate alone.
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u/Constant-Gap-1329 29d ago
I asked for a string of pearls and a handmade card. My husband, the peach that he is, said “ok, don’t you have pearls though?” And then I clarified it is a plant I want.
My first Mother’s Day he made this elaborate meal which was nice but while he cooked I watched our kid and it didn’t feel like a break. Since then, I ask that we just get takeout.
🥡 🪴❤️
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u/fireflygirl1013 29d ago
A day at the spa which I got for Xmas last year but I think it should be only be a Mother’s Day gift!
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u/clutzycook Mom of 4, full-time employee, chief cook and bottle washer. 29d ago
My husband to actually remember on his own and give me the thing he's promised me for every mother's day and wedding anniversary for the past two years.
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u/JNredditor44 29d ago
For years with my younger child, I asked her to learn to blow her nose for every. damn. holiday/birthday.
It was eventually achieved, thankfully.
I can do whatever I want for Mother's Day, but I have to plan and execute it for myself. Not always worth it.
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u/Beebeebee1994 29d ago
Have a toddler. But just to be considered. Literally all I’d wanna do is walk around downtown get a cup of coffee and have someone else do bath time. Instead I’ve already gotten 3 crying phone calls from my own mother about bullshit and a partner who’s upset my son won’t be at his family’s bbq.
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u/solidarity_sister 29d ago
Weirdly enough I've asked for a professional cleaning of my car. As the chauffeur, it needs done!
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u/geedeebee22 29d ago
To just hang out with my husband and baby by ourselves all day without pressure from the outside world to do what would make anyone else happy.
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u/kaleandbeans 29d ago
To be left alone. No cooking, no cleaning. To sleep in. Eat what I want, watch as much TV as I want. Basically, to not take care of anyone. Thankfully, my husband has listened, and booked me a hotel. I am looking forward to trash food, trash TV, and doing nothing but laying around.
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u/LilMiss_Shorty Mom to 1 | Law Enforcement 29d ago
To sleep in past 7am and to not have to lift a finger all day. No cooking, no planning, no cleaning, and no problem solving. Just a day of minimal brain usage and vegging out.
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u/jumpin4frogz 29d ago
I want fancy coffee, good food, a bubble bath, and to watch the Mama Mia movies with my mini me. Extra, husband fixes up my garden and maybe a trip to buy more plants!
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u/UniKat4All 29d ago
A thoughtful gift. To feel loved.
Gave my kid money to spend at the Mother’s Day stall at school and he gave all the money to another kid to spend for their mum.
Gutted to say the least!
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u/BadBloodQ 29d ago
A day where I don't feel guilty about working so much. Or even better, a day where I don't have to work so much.
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u/Mariam-Usmani 28d ago
You guys are lucky I wish my husband did something for Mother’s Day and my birthday but it’s either last minute the day of gift or nothing at all. I always have to fight for it every year because my birthday is usually around Mother’s Day. Plus I have a twin brother so it usually ends up about either about my mom or my brother because they want the attention. I always dread around this time because of it.
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u/JenniJS79 28d ago
A day to do stuff I want to do, like work on my hobbies or even clean out my tiny “office” space without interruptions.
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u/Royal_T95 28d ago
To sit on my own couch for hours and watch whatever I want with no other human in the house with me
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u/TopWorking8749 28d ago
We were at the mall today with all the ridiculous advertising for buying Mother’s Day gifts. I told my husband all I wanted for Mother’s Day was to throw eggs at someone who was making me angry (we were walking by a Tesla store but really anyone in the DJT admin etc). I don’t need rest or relaxation I need catharsis.
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u/Evie_like_chevy 27d ago
I think this is the first year I’m actually going in with zero expectations or even wants. 😅 when my children were smaller I remember very much wanting to just be left alone, but this year I think I’m good with just a regular day.
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u/erinspacemuseum13 29d ago
My mom and I both love gardening so every mother's day, we go to the various nurseries in town and get our plants for the season, get lunch together, and then I plant them. My husband occupies the kids so I can do all this uninterrupted, which led to his grandma wishing HIM a Happy Mother's Day a few years ago because "he's the one doing all the work" 🙄🙄🙄.
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u/atheistpianist 29d ago
Y’all I took all of last week off, paid staycation. That was my Mother’s Day gift to myself. Dropped one off at daycare and the other at school, and every day I just did whatever the hell I wanted to that day. Whatever I felt like. It was wonderful.
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u/NikJunior 29d ago
Uninterrupted sleep.