Just saw a reel from Kimmy the Daycare Diva about moms who are first to drop off and last to pickup, and it was rather snarky. Then in the comments I saw a lot of people saying they get extra pissed at moms who drop their kid off if they have a day off of work.

However I’ve heard from a lot of parents that if they have a day off they’ll still drop their kid off at daycare so they can either have a couples day, do errands that need to be caught up on, or just rest for once.

Is this really that frowned upon? My baby is not in daycare yet and won’t be for a while, but even now my husband and I said if we have a day off work we would love to have a day to just be a couple and go on a nice day date, and pick her up early anyway… idk

Moms, please stop me from spiraling. I’ve had the absolute craziest situation with my in-home care and I just need to be reassured that I am not crazy.

My three-year-old goes to an in-home daycare, which is a family friend. Our experience has been nothing short to wonderful. Until very recently, at least. The provider really was like a second grandma to my kid. She is very nurturing, kind, and would go out of her way to support us whenever we needed it.

However, it recently came to my attention that the provider was allowing a pitbull to be in the home while the daycare was open. Apparently the owner‘s daughter would come by from time to time with her big ass pitbull. I don’t know if it’s some kind of Service animal situation but whenever the daughter comes by, the pitbull is with her. And this is not just any pitbull. A huge ass scary pitbull. The pitbull was allowed to be in the same room as the kids. And supposedly the kids would play with him, lay on him, etc. I had no idea that this was going on until my daughter’s father went to pick her up and brought it to my attention.

I immediately told him to go back and pick her up because I was not comfortable with that. I had a conversation with the provider, and I told her that it made me very uncomfortable for obvious reasons. She had several excuses and comebacks, including… He’s the family dog… He’s a nice dog… He would never hurt anybody… He was trained for kids… Etc. etc. etc. Obviously none of that matters. Pitbull and daycare should never be in the same sentence... I don’t care how nice he is. I don’t care whose dog he is. The dog should never be allowed there during daycare hours. It would be one thing if they had a huge yard and he was crated and gated off in the back. Even that would make me uncomfortable, but this dog is literally in the same room as young kids.

We had a conversation, I understood that we were on the same page. And I filed it away as a one off instance. To my dismay, the pitbull was there yet again one evening when I went to pick up my daughter. I was completely shocked and taken aback. I raised it to her again… I said I understood that we were on the same page. Why is the dog there? She said oh, my daughter came over for dinner and they were only here for 15 minutes. Obviously I don’t fucking care how long they were there. Why is the dog there again? I made it very clear again, that this was not OK with me. I even told her to let me know if the dog was planning to be there so that I can go check my kid out of the daycare for the rest of the day. I followed up with her in writing and I said this dog is not supposed to be at the daycare while my daughter’s there. She confirmed that she understood.

However, a couple of days ago, I learned that the dog was there yet again. Apparently, the owner‘s daughter came by to use her computer. She claims that the dog came in and went straight to her bedroom, and that they close the door. And the dog supposedly stayed separated from my daughter the entire time. And guess what? I still don’t give a fuck. Why is a dog there at all. I don’t care if it’s in a separate room, the fact that she still allows a dog on the premises is insane to me.

I called her on it yet again. She downplayed it, said that she had never heard of something so exaggerated. That we were being dramatic. That how does she expect us to turn her daughter away. That the dog is nice, etc. etc. etc. My take away from this conversation is that she doesn’t understand the gravity of the danger she’s putting our children in. She does not respect our boundaries. And that this will continue to happen.

I am devastated because I feel I have no choice but to take my kid out of daycare. And what’s worse is that I have a four month old that I was planning to enroll there as well. I now have less than one month to find alternative care for that. I’m heartbroken and very frustrated at the situation. I know that I probably should have walked after the first instance, but it’s my fatal flaw that I give others so much grace and trust and understanding. But I cannot let myself in good conscience continue to take my kids there, knowing that the owner has this very twisted attitude about the pitbull.

Please tell me I’m not insane.

I don’t know how to tag the Facebook post, so I’ve copy/pasted it below, but it comes from the news! CONGRATULATIONS New Mexico for supporting working parents and I HOPE beyond hope that other states follow suit. No-cost universal childcare for the win!!!

BREAKING: New Mexico will become the first state in the nation to guarantee no-cost universal child care starting Nov. 1, Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham (D) announced Monday.

According to the governor, this new initiative will make child care available to all New Mexicans, regardless of income, by removing income eligibility requirements from the state’s child care assistance program and continuing the waiver of family copayments.

“Child care is essential to family stability, workforce participation, and New Mexico’s future prosperity,” said Lujan Grisham. “By investing in universal child care, we are giving families financial relief, supporting our economy, and ensuring that every child has the opportunity to grow and thrive.”

The governor’s office estimates the average New Mexico family could save about $12,000 per child annually.

“To support providers, reimbursement rates will rise to reflect the true cost of care. Programs that commit to paying entry-level staff a minimum of $18 per hour and offer 10 hours of care per day, five days a week, will receive an incentive rate. New Mexico estimates an additional 5,000 early childhood professionals are needed to fully achieve a universal system.”

The governor provided this link or more information about how families and providers can access universal child care benefits, visit and toolkit https://www.nmececd.org/universal.

KOB 4

Coming here because I know you guys understand mom guilt. My husband does daycare drop off most days. I try to get my daughter ready for the day but we are always in a rush and sometimes I have to leave before she is 100% ready, but I do make sure that I do her hair at the very least. Nothing complicated, she’s almost two and doesn’t have a ton of hair so typically just ponies or pig tails or maybe little buns, basically just try to get as much hair up as possible. 90% of the days she comes home with her hair done completely different, admittedly better than I can do it. It’s starting to make me wonder if they are judging her hair and thinking my husband is doing it because they only see him in the morning? I know I’m probably over thinking this but I’m also pregnant and coming to the end of my busy season and this just feels like another area of my life that I’m slacking in and the teachers are subtly calling me out for

Northeast cold front coming through this week. We got notice at 10pm last night that daycare would be closed all day due to today’s low temperatures (high of 16F low of 5F). While yes, this is too cold for kids to stand outside at the bus stop, and I completely understand a 2 hour delay in that case, this feels weird to cancel an indoor daycare. The message cited that they have a hard time keeping the rooms warm enough when it gets this cold. To me, that is very different than a school closure for weather that is more related to the road conditions or precipitation, which is out of everyone’s control. They haven’t invested in insulation to keep their building warm, and I’m expected to still pay for the day whenever their lack of investment pays off? What are everyone’s thoughts here? I’m happy to reframe my thinking but I’m struggling!

UPDATE:

Asked daycare if there are plans to repair the building so that it will stay warm enough, they advised there are short term and long term solutions in the works but did not describe. Asked what the specific temperature forecast cutoff is and they were vague with a response. When asked about payment, they clarified that the teachers did go in today and use it as a bonus in-service day (they did just have one yesterday for MLK day and another coming up for Presidents’ Day). They also kindly reminded me that payment is to hold my enrollment and is not adjusted for rare one-off closures…

I’ll ask for more details when I see them in person, but ultimately as long as this doesn’t become a regular thing, we’re going to just deal because we like it better than our last daycare for most things.

Thank you for all the responses seriously!

I’m due in January with twins. NY will give me a good bit of maternity leave, so I called a few daycares today to get a pulse on what the situation would be for two kiddos starting in May or so. I work from home and my husband’s job is flexible so we could probably limp along for a few weeks if we needed to wait for spots to open up.

At minimum, we’re looking at $2,500/month.

I don’t have $2,500/month. A private nanny looks to be even more. My parents still work full time and my in-laws are on the older side/are very stubborn about following our wishes as parents so that would be a battle every day that I don’t wish to fight.

If I quit my job and stay home, we can’t pay our mortgage. Plus, I don’t really want to quit working.

How do people do this? Do we sell our house? Get second jobs? I truly don’t understand it.

I have a 3.5 and 5 year old and we’ve spent the past 5 years at the same in-home daycare. 2 Fridays ago, 15 minutes after picking my kids up, our provider sent us a text message with a file attached to it. The file contained a formal letter stating that our care would end in 2 weeks. She gave us no reason and said it was a “business decision.”

We asked her if she could give us a reason, so we could at the very least, try to make amends, provide clarity, and/or learn from this experience. Her response was, “All I will say is that it has nothing to do with the kids.”

Up until this point, we have had zero negative interactions; no complaints from her only positive interactions. The only ‘disagreement’ we’ve had,

But I wouldn’t really call it a disagreement, is that we realized that we had been overpaying for the past year, equating to roughly $2,500.

We brought it to our childcare providers attention, and she was very apologetic. She suggested that we skip the next 2 payments (about $1,000), and then she would pay us $25 per week, until the balance is met. We thought it would get messy and confusing having to pay the tuition in full, and then have her send us $25 every week. We kindly suggested another plan that would be less confusing, and also take less than the 6 months she suggested. She agreed, she paid us the money we were owed, and we thought everything was fine.

Less than a month after she finished paying us the full amount, was when she told us our childcare was terminated.

I am having the hardest time accepting this, and I’ve been crying every day, feeling like the person I looked up to the most (I have a bad relationship with my own mom) was not the person I thought they were. I’m devastated because I lost one of the most important adults in my kids life, and I’m questioning her love for my kids in general, since she abruptly stopped our care, with zero explanation; how could you truly care for a kid, if you’re willing to drop them for not apparent reason?

I’ve been able to talk with another mom, who’s kid goes to the same daycare and that has been helpful. She has validated that our provider is not great with communication and her expectations. We both cried together because her oldest kids also went to the same daycare, and it’s a very tight knit group.

I guess I’m not sure what I’m looking for here, I’m just really struggling and could use some validation and encouragement. If you made it through my novel, you’re amazing and I appreciate you!

I’m the sole breadwinner in my home and we have an almost three year old in daycare and a 8 month old. Over the last three months, we’ve gotten maybe six diseases from daycare? I’ve needed three rounds of antibiotics, round of steroids, an er visit and have missed three days of work at my new job. Obviously the toddler and baby have been sick throughout this whole time and have needed antibiotics and doctor visits as well, but they do seem to recover quicker than me. My husband has been wanting to start working full time and putting both kids in daycare rather than staying home with the baby. I feel selfish but I’m wanting to pull them both out of daycare for awhile- I feel like I can’t be expected to work 60 hours a week, take care of kids and the house, and be super sick like this. We could afford for him to stay at home parent longer but he doesn’t want to, but I’m at my breaking point with this amount of illness. Looking for any tips of how to navigate, alternatives,or just how is everyone else surviving this?

So my 2 year old is in a renowned daycare that is open from 7am-6pm. It's about 30-35 mins from me, so I drop off at around 8:30 every day and pick up between 5:40-6:00 after work. If its 6 or close to 6, I NEVER dally. I wave hello, run in and run out. I work 9-5 and traffic can get bad sometimes so if I suspect im going to be late, I give them a call and even try to get a permitted relative to check out my kid and wait for me in the parking lit til I get there, so the daycare is not open past closing. I have been late 3 times total in the 12 months and only incurred a late fee once.

On a few occasions, at dropoff the daycare staff has asked us to pick up earlier that evening due to team outings and carnivals, etc, so they can join in and participate. With adequate notice, my partner and I do our best to tag team and accommodate.

But last week, I got stuck in traffic and got there right at 6:00 on the button. I ran in, checked out, and the front staff asked in a very exasperated way, "Is there ANY way you could pick up by 5:50?" I explained that I got stuck in traffic but was admittedly confused. They're open til 6, and im not walking in even within their grace period, so i dont know why im being scolded? The director came out with my kid and tried to explain "We have a staff meeting at 6 today and I like to give my teachers 10 mins to sanitize", but I wasnt made aware that they needed earlier pick up when I dropped off, nor is it difficult to manage 1 kid while another teacher cleans up... plus, the first member of staff sounded like she was asking that my child always be picked up 10 mins before close. Am I in the wrong here?

A few edits and a shout out.

1. My spouse and I are a team. The 3 times we have been late for pick up (picked up during the grace period--i consider this late--or full on late late), once it was me, once it was my spouse, and once we got our wires crossed and both thought the other was doing pick up. So please stop attacking me. Im human, so is my spouse. It happened. We built out backup plans with relatives after the last time.

2. I am not defending my late pick ups. I am asking about being scolded when im NOT late and the request being made for me to always pick up my kid 10 mins early when the policy states pick up is 6pm.

3. I am consistently picking up between 5:40-5:50. My goal is always 5:40 but sometimes I have to use the bathroom before my 1 hr drive home, sometimes traffic really sucks. That's why I end up arriving at 5:50. And no, leaving work any earlier isnt possible. I already work through lunch everyday.

4. I was OUT THE DOOR at 6.

5. Thank you for the comments from educators and spouses of educators who KINDLY helped explain the reality of what is happening at these daycare centers. I truly was confused and yall helped. What im hearing is essentially these daycares are performing wage theft. And im mad for them.

We enrolled our daughter in kindercare when she was 15 months old and now she’s 3 and we just had our second. We were planning on sending our second when she turns 3 months old and I go back to work. BUT, we just got a message from our director that there’s an unvaccinated child. Apparently they’re unvaccinated due to “their beliefs” and the policy is just to “inform all of the other parents”. Measles is in our state. There hasn’t been a case in our city in a few months, but active cases very close to our city. Babies can’t get the MMR vaccine until 6 months. So there’s a 3 month window where our baby would be extremely vulnerable. I feel like rug has been pulled out from under us. I don’t feel like this is a safe environment for a baby anymore and I’m heartbroken because our 3 year old LOVES her friends and class. We would be spending way too much on daycare + a nanny (we are about to close on a loan for a bigger house that we’ve been working on for over a year, so it’s a pretty stressful time) We both work full time demanding jobs and can’t just wfh for 3 months, and we have zero family in our city. I feel like our options are either to risk continuing with our plan and just hope that measles stays away for now, spend way more than our budgeted amount, or switch daycares and totally disrupt our 3 year olds world. What would you guys do?

Just started my 4.5 month old at our local KinderCare center on Monday, and I'm not feeling great about it. She seems to be doing fine and has started napping and eating well at daycare per the app updates, but every time I drop her off the infant room just seems so... depressing. There are 2 teachers to 11 infants and there are always 3-4 infants crying on the floor or in their crib when I get there. 1 teacher is usually feeding somebody while the other is trying to attend to a crying kids. I feel sick leaving my daughter on the floor there.

Our state's ratio is 2 to 11 and basically all the daycares I toured had these numbers, so I felt like it didn't matter that I went with the cheaper daycare over the more expensive Emilio Reggia place nearby. But now I feel kind of terrible about it.

I'm in medical school so my schedule is unpredictable and my husband works. Currently feeling like garbage because all my classmates who have kids are men with stay at home wives who don't have to worry about this. My mom was a SAHM and has no advice to offer. We're moving in 6 months for my medical residency so we'll be switching centers but I'm worried we made the wrong choice.

I WFH full time. we have a full time nanny, because my job is very meeting heavy and demanding.

its nearly half of our income. we originally decided to shell out for a nanny because baby had bottle refusal and I couldn’t stomach the thought of him goingg hungry.

hes 9 months in a couple weeks, takes a bottle like a champ, but I still am putting off the conversation. Financially it makes more sense for us, and he may even be ready to switch to whole milk in a few months.

can you ease my anxiety? When did your baby start in daycare, and was it as hard mentally as im expecting? His whole life I haven’t been away from him longer than an hour or two.

FTM mom here with a LO almost two months in to paying for daycare. With total honesty, how is everyone affording this right now? We have a decently high income but just bought a house last fall, had a baby in the spring, and now both back to work and paying for daycare. Is everyone else just breaking even too? Our current large expenses are mortgage, daycare, and student loans. Going from being DINKs to paying for daycare has eaten up any and all “wiggle room” we had financially and I just don’t know if it’s just us or everyone feeling this way

Hi working moms!

Fellow working mom here. Live in a major city, work in healthcare w/ long hours. Very walkable area.

Often, my husband is the one doing pick up/drop off for daycare.

Since we've been going, I've noticed that I frequently see BOTH parents picking up their kid(s). This seems odd to me. Even when I do have a day off during the week, my husband and I prefer to "divide and conquer" - one person at home cooking/cleaning and the other getting the child OR one of us is still at work. So it's always struck me when I see BOTH parents at pick up.

Looking for other folks to chime in - do you and your partner both go to pick up your kid? What are some of the reasons that it's usually just 1 of you, or both of you?

Xo

My child’s daycare asks for parent volunteers on a weekly basis for holiday parties, special events (read a book to the class, help decorate a door for teacher appreciation, etc) and also donations of food and money.

I signed up to bring snacks for the whole class twice. There 26 students so I figure the average for each student’s family is twice a year. I also donated food to an event one time.

I ignored all the requests for volunteer time because it’s always in the middle of a workday and I’d rather save my PTO for sick days and the rare vacation (we currently go on one vacation a year because it’s all we can afford.)

does anyone else ignore most of the solicitations for money and time at their child’s daycare? I sometimes feel guilty for not doing more and I wonder if my child is treated better/worse based on how much I give?

It's taken me 4 months, but I just started throwing them all away. I kinda feel bad, but I actually don't. He's not even 2. Our house will be overrun with paper by the time he starts kindergarten if I don't do something. The fancy crafts, we'll display on the fridge, but the daily coloring pages?!? I had to do something!

I am a SAHM with 3 kids. Someone is asking me to watch her kids for 3 months 2 days a week, 9.5 hours a day. Infant and toddler under 18 months. She is offering $50 a day which seems low. I am not licensed nor do I need to be in my state. I am CPR certified. I have experience in childcare on top of being a mom. Of course I will have my children home with me. Can someone guide me in how much to counter with?

For context, I’m in Minnesota.

UPDATE: After reading all of your very helpful comments and talking to my therapist, I decided it isn’t the best decision for me. I appreciate all of you wonderful working moms who helped me come to my decision! I did let her know I can fill in occasionally if needed.

Perspective needed. My husband and I both WFH. We’re trying to quickly decide on childcare for our first little one who will be 3 months old when we need care to start. We were originally set on finding a nanny to watch our son until he is mobile and verbal, but have pivoted to strongly considering daycare. The high cost of a nanny in our area (at least $750/month more than daycare that could be put towards a 529 or other investment account for our son to use down the road) and the thought of him crying throughout the day in the next room while we work are reasons for the pivot. Both of our jobs can be high stress with days filled with constant meetings and I already struggle hearing him cry in the next room with my husband when I’m not working - having him away from the house so we can focus on work seems more manageable. At the same time, I don’t like the idea of our 3 month old going to daycare with a 5:1 teacher infant ratio and the increased risk of him getting sick, plus some workdays are slower where I love the thought of being able to spend some extra minutes with our little one in between meetings/work tasks. My husband supports whatever I’m comfortable with doing to make sure I don’t have regrets later on. I keep going back and forth on what the right thing to do is, but need to make a decision in the next few weeks. Any perspective on other experiences with this would be very appreciated!

We're about to send kid #2 to daycare and our annual childcare expenses are now going to exceed $50k. Cool cool. Like most humans, I do not have an extra $50k coming in annually where I can just write checks without taking it from something else (savings, retirement, lifestyle, all of the above). However, I realize I'm very lucky that we have options and are not literally going into debt. SO.

Option #1: keep earning as usual, spend less when we can, withdraw daycare money from existing savings/investments.

Option #2: stop putting any money into savings (about 5-10% of income), spend less, try to cover daycare without touching (as much?) savings.

Option #3: reduce retirement contributions. Husband and I both max out the pre-tax 401k contribution amount right now (like $20k each annually). This is a very easy way to redirect funds, but I worry we are robbing our future selves.

Option #4: become different people in terms of spending. We're not frivolous but we're not frugal either, and most of our spending relates to saving time. (Takeout, monthly cleaners, buying new clothes instead of sifting through thrift stores, ditto for baby products, etc.)

Additional dimension: I'm the saver and money manager for the house. When I say "savings" I mean money I have saved over the years from my salary in my own account. Husband has no such pile of money. He only recently started earning as much as I do, and his income largely goes into our joint account for joint expenses.

What would you do? We only have to white knuckle through for about 2 years before lower cost childcare options open up and/or we pay off our mortgage. However, the world is crazy so I'd like our strategy to be resilient enough in case of job loss (mine or his).

I am a working mom to a 13 month old and I am desperate to make friends with local parents.

I would like to start hosting a recurring potluck. I really want to invite the other families from our daughter’s daycare class. I’ve barely talked to any of them since pick up is so hectic and it just doesn’t seem like a good time to try to connect.

I was thinking of asking the daycare teacher if they would be willing to share my potluck invitation with the other families as a totally optional open invite.

Is this appropriate? Have any of you done this?

I know this is a weird ask - but just curious when you told daycare about another pregnancy and requested a spot in the baby room?

I'm due with my second this December, I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant. I've had an ultrasound so I know the pregnancy is viable (so far) but I wasn't sure when it was appropriate to move forward with notifying daycare. We would have to put down a non-refundable deposit for the spot, so I'm a little gun-shy about telling them too early in the event of something happening between now and my next ultrasound at the end of this month, but also don't want to run into a situation of waiting too long and then we don't have daycare when we need it (which was the case for our first. She didn't start daycare until she was almost 6 months old).

So, just trying to gauge what others have done. When did you tell daycare?

School is closed but I feel like every year I’m surprised daycare is also closed on MLK day? Nobody I know has it off work and it’s mildly annoying 🥺 I feel like every time I turn around there’s another staff training day or weird 3 day weekend they are closed that my ex and I have to scramble to find childcare for.

I am going back to work in September. My daughter gets out of school at 3:10 and I can’t be at pick up until 315. The aftercare in her school is one rate no matter how long you stay. She will likely still be walking to the after care room when I get there. That’s how short her time there will be. She needs this 4 days a week. It seems insane to spend 400 dollars a month for this 😩. Has anyone been in a situation like this and come up with a good hack to avoid it? Are schools lenient for a few minutes. She will be in Kindergarten so this is my first time dealing with a k-12 school pick up. Thanks!

Does anyone else lurk the childcare workers sub? FTM - getting ready to send my 11 week old to daycare in 2 weeks. Having a hard time (as I’m sure everyone did) coming to terms with being away from him all day. I’ve been lurking in the Reddit for daycare workers trying to make myself feel better. 8 hours ago someone posted asking if other workers would send their children to daycare and basically every comment is a resounding NO. Trying not to let this get to me, but I’m totally freaking out.

I’m a FTM and am curious what you all would choose in this situation as I see pros/cons to both.

I will be returning to work when my son is 5 months old. Both my husband and I WFH in tech and have jobs that require full attention.

My mom and my husbands mom have offered to split their time watching our son for the first year in our home while we work. However, I’m wondering if daycare would be better

I feel very lucky that they have offered this but here are the pros/cons of my MIL/mom watching our son:

Pro:
- essentially free, huge bonus
- 1:1 time with son
- less illness

Cons:
- MIL has health issues and aging parents herself. Worried she might not be reliable as much as she intends
- them not being able to do as much with our son physically due to their age. Ie bending on the floor for tummy time, wearing him for naps all day long (at 2m currently our son has reflux and refuses the crib) etc
- having someone in the house all day while my husband and I WFH and it being distracting
- less socialization. Does that matter at this age?

What route would you go for childcare?