r/workingmoms • u/Valuable_Bag_3455 • Mar 13 '26
Daycare Question Daycare Scaries
Does anyone else lurk the childcare workers sub? FTM - getting ready to send my 11 week old to daycare in 2 weeks. Having a hard time (as I’m sure everyone did) coming to terms with being away from him all day. I’ve been lurking in the Reddit for daycare workers trying to make myself feel better. 8 hours ago someone posted asking if other workers would send their children to daycare and basically every comment is a resounding NO. Trying not to let this get to me, but I’m totally freaking out.
42
u/CapableFruitLoops Mar 13 '26
I'm an RN at a daycare and all four of my kids go there 😅 my daughter has gone there since she was 6 months old. Is it perfect? No. Have there been staff members who I've reported to my director because I didn't like the way they handled my kid/other kids? Absolutely; and they were terminated. But like 90% of the teachers are wonderful and even though I hear them complain about shit all the time, they are great with the kids. I've used my kids' teachers as babysitters and house sitters and pet sitters because I overall trust them. But it's such a flawed system already so I get why there's such a high rate of burnout. I think they're more frustrated with the system and administration most of the time rather than the kids. I'd ignore that subreddit; they're generally pretty awful
232
u/MsCardeno Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
This sub will tell you being a working mom is the worst life you can awarded.
Reddit will tell you will regret your kids and parents are miserable.
Literally don’t take anything you read on Reddit seriously. People are miserable and mad on here - that’s what motivates them to post. And lots of people are trolls. Don’t take anyone’s words 100%.
46
u/RatherBeAtDisney Mar 13 '26
Agreed - Plus, you get no upvotes if you’re a happy, successful person. Those posts get hidden due to engagement.
Did I love sending my son to daycare young? Of course not, but did the workers at our center genuinely cared about him. He was also way more engaged and stimulated by being at daycare. Now at nearly three I look back and can’t imagine doing things differently given the options we had at the time.
Not working was never an option for me, my husband jokes I’m not allowed to retire because he’s seen how my mother and aunt have more or less let themselves go (mostly mentally), when not working. I also really want to set a good example for my kids that women can have careers, that’s important to me. It’s not about finances for us (although yes that matters too), the primary decision for me to keep working has always been the non-tangible benefits.
13
u/MsCardeno Mar 13 '26
Yes! Great point! I actually get downvoted for expressing any type of happiness or content in life - I’m told I do it too much on Reddit. Irl, I’m actually considered a cynic by most lol. Reddit is completely fabricated and people take what they want from it.
But yeah, I love my life - wouldn’t change any of it either. And reading some angry worker responses on Reddit isn’t going to change that. I also went over there and read the thread OP was talking about. There were som who said they would. And many who said they wouldn’t said it’s bc they’d just rather stay home, not necessarily that they didn’t trust their work place.
0
18
u/bruschetta1 Mar 13 '26
I doubt any of the teachers at my kids’ daycare have even heard of Reddit. They are all wonderful, kind, loving people who I trust wholeheartedly with my kids.
4
u/Realistic-Bee3326 Mar 13 '26
Yeah, I took a break from Reddit parenting/child subs (other than this one, because this sub tends to not PMO) a few months ago and it was amazing how much my mental health improved. I've slid back into lurking on the parenting subs and I just decided last night to put a hard stop again, because Reddit is just so negative and obnoxious with this stuff.
OP - that sub is annoying and is not at all accurate of most daycare workers. My son goes to daycare and he loves his teachers so much. They hug him, tell him they love him, and he's happy as can be every day. It will be okay.
I strongly recommended stopping yourself from lurking that sub.
1
69
u/South-Helicopter-514 Mar 13 '26
If you're going to listen to strangers on the Internet, do it in this sub and ignore that one.
46
u/sarshu Mar 13 '26
I think there's a major pattern where some topics/subreddits become really self-reinforcing and it feels like there's no point posting a dissenting opinion. As a university professor, I find this in some of the subs dedicated to academia or professor life - there's kind of a culture that can develop where people complain about specific aspects of the job, which other people in the field may not agree with, but the space is there for these kinds of vents or whatever.
Which is to say -- it's entirely possible that tons of other ECE professionals are seeing that thread and going "What? No, I don't feel this at all", but once it's started to feel like the space is dedicated to venting this specific feeling, it doesn't feel like the time or place to put that comment.
Ask around to other people you know about their experience with kids in daycare. On this sub, you'll find lots of people who have had good experiences. My kids went to several different daycares (home and centres) over the years they were there, and I didn't like some things about a couple of them, had one experience that caused me to pull my kid from that specific place, but generally liked the rest. Daycare was good for my kids, for sure, and far better as a whole than I would have been as stay at home parent.
9
u/RuthlessBenedict Mar 13 '26
That’s a really great point. I see that in a lot of subs I follow including this one. When a certain tone has been established in a thread and you come along with a different perspective it’s at best awkward to comment, at worst gets you berated and I know I personally don’t risk it. I don’t have energy for that type of engagement and I’m sure many others don’t either.
3
u/Adariel Mar 13 '26
Yeah, I was going to tell OP that once a reddit thread goes negative, particularly when it has to do with work, disagreeing is just an exercise in masochism. It happens all the time even here too - if someone is venting and hating their job, it's just not the time to be offering another perspective. Even when people try to chime in, they're berated for not being able to read the room.
Some of the threads that involve toddlers on general reddit subs are absolutely nuts and you can tell it's because the vast majority of people commenting have little experience with a toddler, so they're raking the parent over the coals for super normal stuff.
I think everyone knows that the wisest thing to do if you disagree on reddit is to scroll past and ignore, especially when more and more posts just seem like fake engagement bait (or maybe those are the ones that get popular and are see because of the underlying outrage).
I don't want to speak for anyone else but as a working mom in a demanding career with a toddler, I don't have time for that. I still get sucked into stupid debates sometimes, but more and more I really just opt out. Especially when sometimes it's obvious we're all getting worked up about imaginary scenarios started from some robot.
2
u/Realistic-Bee3326 Mar 13 '26
I was going to say the same thing. I love this sub but I definitely feel like the "vibe" here is more "I wish I could stay at home but I have to work, let's commiserate." The positive posts about work are just never that popular.
5
3
u/FlanneryOG Mar 13 '26
Also, teaching was really hard for me when I did it, and I’m glad I left the field. I was miserable and probably would’ve been complaining on the teacher’s sub. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to send my kids to school. Every profession and work environment has flaws.
2
u/SonoWhaaa Mar 13 '26
This, if anyone disagrees with the majority they get downvoted into oblivion and/or everyone gangs up on them- it’s not worth the annoyance to contradict people half the time.
31
u/Material-Plankton-96 Mar 13 '26
The only people who have commentary about this are the people who have had bad experiences. Everyone else is out there just living their lives. At our daycare, one teacher has 2 kids there, the owner’s granddaughter goes there, another teacher has 1 kid there, and another is pregnant and planning to put her baby there. But you likely won’t find them on the ECE subreddit very often because they’re happy and supported at work and busy with work and family.
2
u/neverabadidea Mar 13 '26
Same at ours! Three out of 7 teachers have kids at our daycare, two more have kids that went prior. It’s this big giant family vibe. Not once have I felt like they neglect my kid in favor of their own. What I love most is that there are even more people to love and support my toddler.
26
u/kbc87 Mar 13 '26
Remember any sub that is geared towards one profession is MOST likely to attract the people that are unhappy about their jobs. The same way most people aren't going to go review a doctor unless they have an issue so most doctors have crap ratings.
The ones happy w their jobs don't feel the need to go to the internet and complain about it all day.
8
u/Since_The_Ducks_Left Mar 13 '26
Omg I read that same post and it made me feel like dogshit. My daughter also has to start at 12 weeks and ngl it was SO rough for the longest. But I will say the older they get the easier (especially once they hit 3). It’s hard when they’re little because they can’t tell you how their day went. I don’t know if your daycare uses an app or anything but that also helped me feel better when they would send me sweet pictures of her. Goodluck ❤️ I know how hard it is.
5
u/coldcurru Mar 13 '26
I'm a preschool teacher on that sub and saw that thread. I bit my tongue and didn't say anything but I put both my kids in preschool (hate the word daycare.) Now there were things about the school I didn't like but it was mostly admin issues. I loved the teachers. Now they're both elementary age. They would not be where they are without preschool success.
I will say there are bad centers and I subbed at one point going place to place and there were places I wouldn't want my kids, but the ones I've been at long term, yes I would put my kids there. My son was with me for a year and I was very happy with him there. So definitely vet the places you're using, don't be afraid to ask questions or speak up if you're unsure if something is kosher, and trust your gut to leave if need be. But once you find a great place, you'll be so happy you did.
10
u/ResponsibleRich Mar 13 '26
Well if it’s any consolation, my 3 year old has been in daycare since she was 5 moths old and every day after I pick her up she says she had a fun day with her friends. She also tells me she likes daycare. At times I give her the option to stay home with Grandma and she still would rather go to daycare. Anecdotal but that’s been my experience.
4
u/sleepyhouse Mar 13 '26
I think I can give a helpful POV! I’m a FTM to a baby boy and he’s been in daycare for about five months now.
I worked in early childcare for about 5 years in both daycare centers and as a private nanny. My experience with corporate, chain daycares were vastly different compared to working in a community center. This was back in the 2010s, but the chain daycare hired capable people who were just overall grumpy. They never took it out on the kids, but I noticed a lot of favoritism and contempt for the parents. The contempt only came because parents would, of course, ask questions about their child or maybe come off as overbearing (I also worked in the infant room) and the people I worked with (most were my age, early 20s and childless) were just not the most empathetic to it.
The other center I worked at was the complete opposite. We were truly a family. The staff could enroll their children for a very cheap rate, and they were also being paid a living wage. I would move back there in a heartbeat so my baby could go there, but it’s 10 hours away 😭
I get the appeal of lurking, but please know that it’s a channel designed for frustrations and isn’t a reflection of parents who use daycare. Trust your gut. I was drawn to in-home daycares based on my experience with that particular chain daycare, but I wouldn’t write off a chain daycare if they’re reputable and I can meet the teachers and feel out their vibe.
10
u/Alarmed-Doughnut1860 Mar 13 '26
Our daycare has a number of teachers whose kids attend, although the kids are mostly older. I looked at that thread and lots of folks were citing high ratios for infant care ( which is true, but also something you can choose you care around). Many folks were saying only if it was a high quality location. Also something you can choose. Others cited issues that had with coworkers and safety. Which is concerning, but conversely the fact that the ECE sub is full of folks who really care about child safety and care quality paints a slightly different picture. It would point to most teachers actually caring a lot.
Finally, not in any sub in general but in the world. There aren't too many people who genuinely have an economic choice to either work or stay home. Many SAHMs choose it because it makes the most cash flow sense, and despite potential future earning, cash flow matters a lot. Many working moms must work to support their families. And then we come up with explaintions about why our path is morally superior. I think that explains part of the general vitriol out there against daycares.
4
u/MightSuperb7555 Mar 13 '26
I mean, to this point exactly, lots of the daycare teachers at both daycares my child has been at do send their kids to that very school!
4
u/jessifica Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
It's a normal feeling because it's a reasonable concern, children are helpless in these scenarios and, clearly, things happen.
This is going to sound like a generality but it's an important and harsh lesson about this stage of your life, and beyond: The reality is, we take calculated risks with the wellbeing and health of our children all the time and THIS is one of the major, particularly difficult, ones. Sometimes, it's a little easier because they learn to speak and become aware of things that should reported to you. Then it gets a little harder again, as they walk down the street to catch the bus. Parenting is a series of heartwrenching risk taking with the biggest love(s) of your life, as counter-intuitive as it is. It's AWFUL and there is no other way.
I trust you'll do everything in your power to vet your options and find the right place that makes you feel as comfortable as possible. (Any parent who is "100% sure" about childcare is in denial. There is always a risk to sending your kid into someone else's care.)
Finally, this is a healthy fear. Accept it. It's survival. Tell it, thank you so much for helping me protect my kid(s). Feel the nerves and the pain of potential heartbreak. Then take one step at a time, and get (somewhat) comfortable with it.
4
u/graceful_platypus Mar 13 '26
I like the framing that it's all a calculated risk. That's one reason I chose daycare over a nanny, because then there would be multiple adults watching each other rather than just one adult with no one watching what they do with my child.
5
u/puzzle_process Mar 13 '26
Whenever possible, I think finding home-based care is best for under 3yo. Could you have a live-in au pair? To be 100% clear there is only support from me, no judgment. I have 3 kids and my oldest had the most daycare out of my 3 kids, but I found it to be hard on him so I’ve found other home-based ways to make it work that I know not everyone has access to or works with their schedule. It’s so hard 😭
5
u/Responsible-Fan2709 Mar 13 '26
I would recommend looking at this very practically. As someone working in the field, I would not recommend writing off all those responses as just anomalous disgruntled teachers who don’t represent the field. I work in the field and many of my coworkers feel very similarly, they just don’t show it to parents.
So, practically speaking, do you have a choice in the matter? Can you afford anything different? And what costs are associated with those other options, both financial costs and otherwise? If you have options, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with exploring them. And if you don’t have other options, then anxiety and angst about it will help no one.
If you don’t have other options, or if you choose daycare after considering the alternatives, I’d recommend frequent unannounced drop-ins. As much as possible, observe when the teachers don’t know you’re observing. Do this at different times of day, if possible. Many teachers are phenomenal at “turning it on” when parents are present - they’re friendly and smiley and happy and kind in front of parents and completely different when they don’t think any parents are watching.
Pay attention to not only who is caring for your baby but how many people are caring for them throughout the day (you want as few as possible), and whether the care is perfunctory or if it’s warm, kind, and slow, with real eye contact and connection between child and teacher. Pay attention to the ratios and group sizes in the room. Pay attention to turnover. It’s a big red flag. Check licensing reports.
And if something doesn’t feel right, listen to your gut and don’t talk yourself out of being concerned. Every time your child gets a new teacher or transitions to a new room, reevaluate the quality of care. Turn your anxiety into action to ensure the best possible environment for your baby.
3
u/pumpkinspiceturtle Mar 13 '26
Omg are you me? I just saw that too and cried in my office (my husband is home with our baby for 2 months)
3
u/j_natron Mar 13 '26
Honestly, I would recommend not lurking there. People usually post in subreddits to vent. You’re always going to see the worst side of people there.
5
u/bibliophile418 Mar 13 '26
I’ve worked in childcare WHILE being a working mom and it’s a super rough gig. The pay is low and the expectations are high, in some cases even unreasonable. And I would say a solid 60% of the problems I had with it were the parents, even as a parent myself. And I could do a whole TedTalk on the state of early education and care in this country. Having a space to vent and talk through things with people who are dealing with the same issues, like Reddit, helps keep you sane. Which unfortunately skews the vibe in those spaces to be a little negative.
That said, the people who work in this field do it because they genuinely love it and love working with kids. I am sure you did your research and picked a wonderful place for your little one. It’s going to be hard to leave him and it’s going to suck for a while. But your handing him off to people he didn’t wake up during the night, who aren’t trying to juggle caring for him and working a job and are ready to give him the best part of their day.
4
u/doctormalbec Mar 13 '26
All of the daycare teachers who work at my son’s daycare and who have their own children send their children to that daycare. That was a sign to me that this is a good place to send my child.
4
u/lemonsforbrunch Mar 13 '26
Multiple teachers at our daycare/preschool have their kids there, including the principal and vice principal
5
u/Necessary_Floor_6162 Mar 13 '26
I mean they say that but half the teachers at my son’s daycare have their own kids there, so…I think it’s just people venting about their jobs the same way we all do. I’m sure they don’t all work at perfect daycares but that doesn’t mean there are horrible things happening there
2
u/Much-Ad9827 Mar 13 '26
I came here because of the same post. I’ve had my son in daycare since 6.5 weeks (I didn’t get any maternity leave) and it’s been fine so far (he’s now 5 months) but that post has me spiraling.
2
u/th1smustbetheplace Mar 13 '26
Something I think people forget when they see that thread (and it gets referenced here a lot, and in other motherhood-focused subreddits) is that an ECE worker's cost-benefit analysis for sending their child to daycare may be very different from your own.
Many of those teachers are earning (shamefully) low wages, sometimes without benefits, in a very demanding setting. Annual daycare costs would eat up the majority, if not all, of their take-home pay. Some may be early in their careers and don't anticipate continuing in ECE past a certain point. It's also an industry that is always hurting for employees, so time away from work isn't necessarily a barrier to reentering the field later. If I were in their shoes, I most likely would not be sending my child to daycare, either! These are all systemic problems in the U.S. that can only be addressed via sweeping policy change and subsidized funding, but it's the current reality for many in the ECEProfessionals sub.
Tl;dr: it's easy to say you'd stay home with your child when you feel you have nothing to do lose by doing so.
3
u/kokoelizabeth Mar 13 '26
As an ECE worker you’re not wrong at all. But that’s also not the entire reason either. We know the industry and we know it can be difficult for non-industry parents to know what to look for or be cautious of when shopping for a preschool.
So for me personally, I stayed home with my child for exactly the reasons you stated. Now I won’t fear monger and act like every daycare child is doomed to suffer, but I also don’t recommend it to others who have other options because the chance to have a poor experience is not low and lots of people never even realize they aren’t in a quality care center.
In my situation If I had no other choice there were very few centers in my area that I would have sent my child to if I wasn’t going to be on staff keeping a close eye on day-to-day function.
2
u/Nice_Gas_4690 Mar 13 '26
As an ECE professional, my guess is most of them know the burnout and burden placed on a lot of caregivers. The turnover and lack of support can really do the workers in, so I get their hesitation. You won’t really relate unless you’ve done it, so they’re probably in the thick of it. Just do your research and your due diligence on centers offline! You’ll know what’s right.
2
u/Alternative_Heat6662 Mar 14 '26
Half the teachers and caregivers at our daycare have multiple of their children there. I think there are so many subreddits and posts to just be negative. It was stressful sending my baby at 6 months. I even posted for advice myself! There were younger babies there and they got as much love and attention as mine. My guy was even going around stealing their socks lol Choosing the right day care has been one of the only decisions I feel 100% was perfect for my baby. (It’s actually caused some strife because we had family who wanted to watch him a few days). Now at almost a year we pull into the parking lot and he starts clapping and cheering because he’s ready to see all his friends.
4
u/heartwell Mar 13 '26
I don’t think that sub is an accurate representation of most childcare workers - most of whom probably are not even on Reddit.
4
u/Realistic-Bee3326 Mar 13 '26
I would take that sub with a grain of salt. As always, people who are happy and going about their daily jobs probably aren't posting on Reddit. Plus, a personal anecdote - my son goes to a large corporate chain that has a really bad reputation on that sub. But guess what? His location is absolutely wonderful. The teachers are amazing, he loves it, and I actually have multiple coworkers who used it and rave about it. So it really is so personal!
2
u/sleepyhouse Mar 13 '26
Yeah it’s wild how the same chain of centers can vary based on staff. My 9 month old always has a huge smile when he sees his teachers, so that’s kind of my litmus test.
4
u/Hot_Raisin7157 Mar 13 '26
My daughter has a genetic disorder and they told me she would be mildly intellectually disabled. She is the only one of the support group I’ve seen that went to daycare. She is also doing the best regarding her delays. Pick a good daycare and I don’t think you will regret it. They learn so much and she is better behaved than if she had just stayed with me.
4
u/redditweddinglady Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
Just want to say I lurk on that sub too, and there is a very specific set of top frequency commenters who are allegedly childcare professionals. Yet somehow they seem to have all the time in the world to constantly comment (usually negatively) on Reddit threads throughout the day…
So yeah, if my kid was being watched by people who are on their phone all day I’d probably say no too.
Also something to consider, unfortunately child care workers are paid poorly. So the financial trade off between them sending their kid to care or being a SAHP is not as large as, say, a corporate executive mom who makes more money and can provide experiences, stability, and wealth for her children, but only if they are put into care. So that makes it much easier for them to say “hell no I’ll quit to stay home with my kid”
3
u/User0119247 Mar 13 '26
I came here to see this comment. Each family calculates what makes sense for their family based on the resources they have access to. For example, if a daycare teacher chooses to stay home with their kid, they have a professionally-trained educator giving their child one-on-one instruction. My family would have to hire a nanny to have this level of care (which would be much more costly than the daycare center.)
2
u/bossbaber Mar 13 '26
Also a FTM to a now 7mo- I posted in there (I think I ended up deleting it bc I was so upset about it) about if it would be okay for me to ASK my daycare if they could do paced bottle feeding because my son struggled with reflux. The responses basically said that if I expected that level of care I should find a nanny, that I expect too much from daycare etc. I’d also see constant posts about exactly what you mentioned- that childcare workers would never send their kids to daycare.
We’ve had basically the opposite experience with daycare. They’ve been so kind, patient and loving. Truly working with us and taking their time to help my son adjust. They held him for contact naps when he was having a hard time with crib naps (still do sometimes because he loves to cuddle) and were so supportive with his reflux and having a difficult time going between breast and bottle.
Also, multiple women that work at the daycare send their kids there as well. I have a friend who works part time at her daycare to get a discount. I see constant posts on my local childcare group asking what centers offer discounts or free childcare for workers. It’s incredibly common.
All of this to say- women have always worked. The patriarchy wants us to feel guilty and stuck to keep us oppressed. Trust your gut- you chose your daycare for a reason and all will be okay!!
2
2
u/Gugu_19 Mar 13 '26
Our LO goes to daycare and he LOVES it there. He started at 5 mo and is now a little over 2yo. This week he woke up early and couldn't wait to go 🥲
2
u/SonoWhaaa Mar 13 '26
I had to unfollow all childcare worker and early childhood education subs because they were fueling my anxiety and making me spiral AWFUL.
My advice is to leave the subs, anytime one pops up click the don’t show me option so they stop popping up. Lurking in them is not going to help, it’s not gonna make you feel better, and it’s not a good representation of what’s going on with your baby and their care.
My baby had to start at 13 weeks and it was SO hard, I’m still having a hard time, but I’m confident that he is happy and safe where he’s at- but no matter how secure you feel in you daycare choice, reading horror stories is going to make it so much harder on you with truly no benefit.
3
u/Whysoserious1293 Mar 13 '26
Slightly different experience but my baby started daycare just before 6 months old. She is THRIVING. She loves going to daycare and has a blast there. They are doing so many things with her and I can already tell how much she’s learning. Who knew you could do arts & crafts with a 7 month old?! 🥹
Leading up to sending baby to daycare, I was a wreck. I couldn’t imagine doing it. But it’s been amazing so far. It still is hard to only get a few hours a day with baby. I also feel like we are rushing once she’s home (nap, bottle, dinner, bath, bed). But overall, it’s been a great experience so far.
3
u/ottersay Mar 13 '26
A large portion of daycare workers make minimum wage, nearly all of them make an amount that makes daycare costs, even with employee discounts, barely worthwhile. Sending your kids to daycare and working full-time to only cover health insurance is extremely normal in the field, so the ece subreddit tends to be a dumpster fire of frustration and burn out. If you make enough money/have future goals where working now makes sense then your decision process for school is entirely different from the people responding to that posts situation.
I worked in early childhood education for 20+ years. I would have happily sent my children to almost every school I have worked at, and the ones that weren't great were reported to the state and hopefully made improvements. Most schools have wonderful loving teachers who are doing their best. My kids all went to daycare and benefitted immensely, both because they loved their schools and teachers and because I was able to work and provide them stability/food/shelter/a future where they won't have to pay for my retirement.
1
1
u/Glittering_Repeat382 Mar 13 '26
Our baby started daycare around 6 months, and I took staggered PTO to make it as long as possible to that point. It was hard to drop him off then but a lot easier than at 3 months. That will be much harder to do when we have a second kid but I’m hoping to save up money so my husband can take unpaid time off. That said, I miss him every day even though I like my job & feel like I get to help make the world a better place. I guard my weekend time with him immensely.
That said, baby boy LOVES daycare. He never cried when we dropped him off (even the daycare workers were like … is this normal?). He’s a big extrovert & loves watching and playing with the kids. They did a great job putting him on a schedule & we chose a very small, home based daycare close to our house with staff who had been there forever (our neighbors’ kids go there too).
So while i would love more time with him (why don’t part time well paid jobs exist 😭) I don’t have to worry about him not thriving. Which is a big relief.
1
u/Is-this-name-taken_2 Mar 13 '26
It can be hard to navigate. Go to the daycare you're interested in again to view everyone during the day when you think kids will be up and things will be busy. See then how you feel with how it's all going. Also, highly recommend a daycare that has cameras you can view live while at work. It helps give peace of mind.
Do what is best for you and your family. Remember, you can always change your mind. You aren't stuck with whatever decision you make.
1
u/FlanneryOG Mar 13 '26
What’s funny about that statement is that in every daycare my kids have been in, the teachers do send their kids there. The director of my son’s current daycare has a son in the same class as my son.
1
u/scarlett_butler Mar 13 '26
My 1 yo son loves daycare, started at 12 weeks. Most of his teachers have kids that go to the daycare as well. It’s a lot easier with a decent center but I know not everyone is that lucky
1
u/Reasonable-Quarter-1 Mar 13 '26
Every time i check out the cameras on the app for my son’s daycare the staff are just LOVING on him. I’m sure the shouldn’t do this, but they kiss his head like every 30 seconds, pick him up constantly, and just are so responsive. I love our staff so far. But they are absolutely not the type to post on reddit. The workers who love their job and are doing the work wouldn’t have time to. And even if the did their posts would never see traction.
Also, the average daycare worker doesn’t make enough to afford daycare. Soooo…they wouldn’t have a choice they would need to stay home.
1
u/LinearFolly Mar 13 '26
That way lies madness!
The people who come to Reddit to complain about their jobs are not representative of the field as a whole.
Interact with the people at your actual daycare and trust your instincts. That will tell you way more about your baby's safety than a bunch of miserable people on Reddit.
1
u/ffffoulkes Mar 13 '26
Fwiw my 3 year old is home sick today and he was mad he didn’t get to go to school and play with his friends. Instead he has made me follow his routine with circle time and arts, snack, etc.
He also knows all of the continents and planets and knows the various types of animals that live in Antarctica. He def wouldn’t have learned that from me.
Are there crappy teachers and centers? Sure. But you will find the best care for your little one. It’s so hard but I’ve worked hard towards my career AND I love a dual income stability. The job market is brutal right now and my husband just got laid off. Thank god we have my job to get us thru.
Hang in there - it’s impossible but each age they grow into makes it a little better.
1
u/IProbablyAmSunburned Mar 13 '26
My daycare is staffed almost 50% by moms who send their kids to the same daycare (in different rooms). One of the directors has a son the same age as mine. It's a really nice center and they clearly use discounted care to attract great teachers.
1
u/meeeshacat Mar 13 '26
We love our daycare! Started when our baby was 4.5mo and is now 8mo. We are probably going to have to pull him out soon because my husband made the change to he self employed (with my support). It’s the right decision for his career and he was very unhappy at his last company, but we are both really sad to leave the daycare!
1
u/GlitterBirb Mar 14 '26
I sort of work in ECE. It's early childhood therapy and most kids are there for the day. And I have absolutely nothing in common with the opinions there so I don't post.
It's been a place very charged with a certain view of working women for a long time and there's a history of drama with both this and that subreddit of people xposting and referencing posts and brigading. That kind of ruined the vibe.
1
u/Puzzled_Natural_3520 Mar 14 '26
I’ve noticed that too. In some ways I think that might be the person telling on themselves and admitting to their own burn out. But for some perspective, I work with the elderly in nursing facilities and even in the absolutely best facilities (I’m talking top 5 in country for quality) 90% of the workers say the same thing. I don’t think that means the elderly (or in our case children) aren’t well cared for I just think reality is that no one will care for your loved ones the same way you would but if you can’t devote yourself to your loved one 24/7 (ie you need to make money to pay for food and shelter like most people) then you have no choice to seek the best care you can afford. And parents get burnt out and can be poor caregivers too. So can grandparents and aunts or private nanny’s!
1
u/LazyLady419 Mar 13 '26
It's hard. I was always someone who never imagined putting my child in daycare, and now both of my children have been/are going to daycare.
Daycare has been really good for my kids. It helps them socialize and build language skills. They get development from being around ECE professionals and other children. It's part of their routine and it works.
The teachers know their stuff. I shopped around, got references, and went off of vibes when choosing where to put my kids. The teachers love the kids and know waaayyyyy more about where my kids should be developmentally and behaviorally than I do as a parent who just knows my kids.
My son is school aged now, but I just dropped off my toddler daughter. It's always harder for me to drop her off than it is for her to go into daycare. She walks in and doesn't look back, fully confident and secure in her attachments.
It's absolutely hard. It has always been harder for me to leave them, but they've done so well with more people to make friends with, and more people to care for them.
1
u/QueenInTheNorth556 Mar 13 '26
Just stop lurking those subs. People always post more negative experiences than positive experiences BECAUSE it’s more unusual and that’s what gets traction and interaction from others. And honestly don’t pay much mind to what people say they “would” do in a situation they aren’t in. People without kids just don’t know what the reality is.
1
u/neverthelessidissent Mar 13 '26
I love daycare. My daughter is thriving because of daycare. She's 4 and is now outspoken, confident, and learning so much.
She has besties. She knows all about Holi, and Ramadan, and Jewish holidays. I couldn't give her that at home.
She also brags that I'm a lawyer. She loves that I help people.
1
u/limeblue31 Mar 13 '26
The babies in my family that have been to daycare are wayyyyy better at communicating than the ones that didn’t. Also less bratty in the sense they don’t throw a tantrum if you tell them no. And these are kids from different parents not siblings.
1
u/addbutorganized Mar 13 '26
That group is ROUGH. As a previous childcare worker, I feel like there’s a lot of gossiping and strong opinions about things and they just thrive off of drama, at least the ones that end up on Reddit lol. I was probably the only person that said I would take my kids to daycare and here I am taking my kids to the same daycare I used to work at in college. Working in education was not a good fit for me, but I’m glad I did it. I can say there’s a lot of teachers out there that do enjoy it, but are just exhausted. Those teachers don’t tend to lurk around Reddit. It’s not an easy job, the days are long and loud and some parents can be pretty difficult BUT it’s been amazing for my kids and the teachers who love it will make a forever impact on my kids. I love our school, the teachers put their whole heart into every day and I’ll always feel so appreciative. I didn’t love daycare with my young babies because i had a hard time leaving them but as a toddler and beyond it’s been so amazing watching them grow. My oldest is in regular school now and his transition was sooo easy coming from a daycare setting. The stimulation and routine was such a good fit for my kids. It’s not all bad I promise!
1
u/Pinklady1313 Mar 13 '26
My kid LOVED daycare. Not a single drop of guilt here. Socialized, potty trained quick. Loved her teachers. Went to birthday parties. Sure, got sick a lot at first, but that’ll happen sooner or later.
I specifically looked for a place that took a smaller amount of kids. Not an in home, but not a huge center either.
1
u/ElenaFjwr Mar 13 '26
The first few days are going to be hard on both of you, unfortunately there's no way around it. But your baby will be just fine! They adapt to change so much better than we think. And you will also start to regain your identity as a person, not just "being mom" after a while, I didn't realize how important this was to me personally. My son has been in daycare since he was just under 4 months old. He's 17 months now, and he LOVES going to daycare!! And he's learned so much from his teachers and friends, he comes back with new vocabulary that we don't use much at home all the time. Hang in there, you'll both be okay!!
1
u/ELnyc Mar 13 '26
FWIW, we liked my son’s daycare a lot and all the teachers seemed to send their own kids to daycare (including the daycare we were at).
1
u/Dustyrose1950 Mar 13 '26
We LOVE daycare! Our almost 3 year old has gone since 10 months old. the staff is incredible and genuinely love the kids.
1
u/horriblegoose_ Mar 13 '26
My son started transitioning to daycare at 12 weeks old and was in full time when he was 16 weeks. I only had 8 weeks of maternity leave and my husband was home with our son. I had PPA and was super anxious about my husband being home alone with my son because I was afraid he would fall asleep with the baby in an unsafe position (this was not completely crazy because my husband does just nap constantly). However, the first day I dropped my son off for daycare all I felt was relief. Something about knowing they were professionals and there were multiple adults soothed my anxiety. I went to work that day just completely unbothered.
My son is now 3 and he has always done great at daycare. He’s super bonded to me and my husband but he also has a great bond with all of his daycare teachers. I’ve always been happy that my son feels comfortable with a variety of caregivers. Basically his entire life he’s just been surrounded by a bunch of adults who take care of him so we never really struggled with him being overly clingy or only being soothed by mom. All he’s ever know is that all the people around him are happy to take care of his needs. My son also has autism and being in daycare is actually great for him because he has good peer models. I know that daycare is giving him a much more enriching experience than we could provide him at home.
1
u/Successful_Ad4618 Mar 13 '26
Just remember that majority of kids are perfectly fine at daycare. It’s not perfect, just as grade school won’t be perfect. Just be diligent in making sure that your child is being treated well. I felt the same way but my child absolutely loves daycare. All my mom friends have gone through the same feelings and report that their kids are loving it.
1
u/cdnspoonfed Mar 13 '26
Little different because my son was 1 when i sent him but he loved it, we never had any issues - all the ladies that worked there were amazing! I think there are shitty people in all industries but the majority of folks are amazing. Relax you’re doing amazing Mama and just trust your gut if something seems off with the daycare bring it up ❤️ good luck!
1
u/agenttrulia Mar 13 '26
I do lurk in a few childcare subs- I used to work in early childhood education and I’ve nannied before. I have an (almost) 3 year old who has been in daycares for 1.5 years. We’ve had some great experiences. We’ve also had a not-so-great experience. I LOVE the daycare my son is in now and I have 0 regrets about sending him there.
Being a working mom is difficult. Being a SAHM is difficult. Both are rewarding. I prefer the benefits of working + parenting.
1
u/megjed Mar 13 '26
I really did not want to do daycare and I freaked out when we got close to my baby going as well. My mom worked in a daycare that was bad when I was growing up. The daycare we send my son to is amazing! He looooves it there and they love him. A lot of his teachers also have babies around his age in his class so I know they would send their kids there lol. I think you just have to find one that’s a good fit.
1
u/somebodysomewherein Mar 13 '26
I LOVE daycare. I adore my child and would step in front of a moving car for her. Sometimes I need a break and it’s such a relief to have someone else be in charge of her cognitive development. Her daycare has been excellent, they follow Montessori type methods, and my daughter smiles when she sees her favorite teacher at drop off. Working full time gives me the mental stimulation i need and she gets excellent care. Win win
1
u/library-girl Mar 13 '26
It’s really hard in the baby room, but as soon as they’re 1, it’s AWESOME! My daughter who didn’t sleep or eat in the baby room, ate and napped 2 hours.
1
u/ehallright Mar 13 '26
My daughter is in kindergarten now and is counting down the days until she can attend her daycare’s summer camp program (we’re so lucky our daycare offers this!). She misses her friends and teachers a ton. There’s been challenges sure but every choice has its challenges. Overall daycare has been a net positive in all our lives.
1
u/Sea_Juice_285 Mar 14 '26
In case it helps, I saw that post and didn't comment on it because I was tired. But, not only would I send my kids to the childcare center I work in, I do send them there. And, I do that despite the fact that we would be in a very similar financial position if I stayed home.
-1
u/mommy2be2022 Mar 13 '26
I'm convinced that many of the posters and commenters in the ECE Professionals sub aren't really ECE professionals. Bots, trolls, and psyops are all over reddit, and ECE Professionals is no exception.
I find it very telling that those making anti daycare comments (in the ECE proa sub and elsewhere) aren't usually the ones advocating for things like better parental leave.
0
u/Specific_Carob4461 Mar 13 '26
1) Because of the obscene cost of care, many moms, in fact, work ECE because they can get a reduced childcare rate for their children.
2) My baby is 6 months and has only been in daycare for 2 months, but I truly love it (although I have days where it’s hard). Albeit, I’m privileged enough to WFH most of the time and pick him up at 3:30p. There is no way I could engage him the way he deserves to be engaged and maintain my job at the same time. I’m so glad that they play with him and work on his development! I can physically feel him getting stronger.
0
u/Bananamuffin89 Mar 13 '26
I sent my little ones at 4 months old until school age. I made sure to choose a daycare based on recommendations from other mums and ratings. I loved their first daycare, they were treated so well and were taught more than I could possibly have taught them! They learned to put on their shoes, eat, use tools wtc. They had a Montessori approach.
When I moved to the UK I had to take whatever daycare was available for me as most nurseries were full. The health and safety regulations are really strict which means sometimes every incident is logged, they have continued inspections and so on..I trust them and my kids thrived there.
It's always going to be a tough choice but remember they are trained professionals!
243
u/stimulants_and_yoga Mar 13 '26
First year of daycare? Extremely hard and felt unnatural.
Year 1-2? TAKE THIS TODDLER
Year 2-3? I love daycare they’re learning so much and so well behaved and socialized.
Year 3-4? SO ready for school!! They’re way more prepared than had they just stayed home with me.
For example, my 3 year old, came home singing this song where he goes “A for the apple, ah ah ah” while doing “A” in sign language. He can do most of the alphabet.
If you’re at a good center, it’s amazing. Daycare has been part of my village. Plus, we’re 10x as wealthy than had we not used it. I keep telling my husband I’m retiring at 50 cause I’m a working mom now.