r/talesfromtechsupport • u/SilentDis Professional Asshat Breaker • Jul 06 '12
Phil 2: Electric Boogaloo
As I mentioned in the last chronicle of Phil, he now has my extension and I get all this guy's calls... Supposedly.
Management talked to me extensively before doing this; they really were good folks there, and wanted to be sure I was 'ready' to have to deal with this guy on a regular basis, and be able to fully document everything well. I assured them that first, I didn't care if I supported 1 user or thousands so long as you kept paying me, and second that he wouldn't bother me much.
The day they gave him my extension saw me get a few 'Phil' calls, "just to make sure it works" type of thing. Yep, we do know what we're doing; the company had it's fingers into multiple telecom products ranging from phones to cellphones to internet at the time, and all were managed and setup very, very well.
When I got to work the next day, though, was rather humerous. I logged into the phone system, and the little red light for voicemail started blinking. Normally, it blinks once for each message left, then goes solid for 10 seconds, etc. It just kept blinking. I smirked, and dove in.
35 messages; 32 of which were from Phil. I start going through them, and each and every one is him just ranting about various unrelated, silly things; web design questions, problems with his keyboard, phone problems, problems with his desk chair, everything and anything.
I carefully, and meticulously made a brand new ticket on his support account for each and every one of these calls. Then, I'd make an addendum to any repeats. In total, 10 'issues', none of which we support were there. Apparently, "Phil, if you have problems with your Internet service, call this number" had mutated to "Phil, if you have problems with your bunions, call this number" inside his little mind. I've been off-phones for the first hour of work now because of this; I laughed, they're paying me to babysit, why would it bother me?
So, I go through the usual 'check our side' work that I noted in the last call. Everything's still golden (of course). I make an outbound ticket, fill in refs to all the other tickets I'd made and closed, copy and paste all the terminal output of the tests I'd done, and make the call.
Me: Greetings, this is SilentDis from XYZ, is Phil available?
Phil: It took you long enough to call, I have all these problems are any of them fixed yet?
Me: Hello Phil. Do you have time to discuss the voicemails you left this morning?
Phil: It better be quick, I have work to do!
Me: Oh, it will be quick, I assure you.
I proceed to list each and every issue he called us about off to him, and asked if each is correct. Verbal contract established across 32 calls and 10 issues.
Me: Now, as we have discussed before, we are here to help you with your Internet service. We help get you online, we help make sure you can browse webpages, we help make sure you can get your e-mail from our servers, and we make sure your hosting is working.
Phil: Yes...
Me: I've already verified that everything concerning that works on our side, and will e-mail those results to you, as well as the details from this call. Are you able to browse webpages? Are you able to get e-mail?
Phil: Yes, but this is...
Me: No, Phil, this is not a 'general life support' line. Nothing has changed regarding that; we still only help with the same things, just now I'm the only one you'll be dealing with concerning them. Do you understand?
Phil: (sounding a bit deflated) Yes.
Me: Good. As soon as I close this ticket, I'll e-mail you this ticket log as a reminder of what we can help you with, and it can act as a 'receipt', if you want, for all the calls you made. Again, Internet connectivity, your website, and e-mail are what we help with. Do you have any questions regarding those things now?
Phil: (yeah, that's defeat in his voice) No.
Me: Good, thank you for using XYZ.
I finished up the (mostly done) ticket. It formats fairly well right out of the box, I found, from the ticketing system; a few minor changes here and there, but nothing major. It lists each ticket number that was 'referenced', the title, and the close reason (Unsupported for each, of course), the start and end times. Then it lists all my notes. This gets sent to Phil, as well as BCC'd to my supervisor.
Phil didn't call me again that day... But it gets better.
TL;DR: It's The Phil Show! All Phil, All The Time!
EDIT: Linked in the final chapter.
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u/CompoundClover Jul 06 '12
I wish to hear more. MORE. MORE.
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u/yori07 Equip IT Badge: +10 Fortitude, -[All] Faith in Humanity Jul 06 '12
(A quick Google-ing later...)
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u/RamonaLittle Jul 06 '12
35 messages; 32 of which were from Phil. I start going through them, and each and every one is him just ranting about various unrelated, silly things; web design questions, problems with his keyboard, phone problems, problems with his desk chair, everything and anything.
Wow. From your last post, he just sounded like a jerk and an idiot, but this sounds more like mental illness. Now I'm kinda sad. I hope he was able to get help at some point.
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u/FountainsOfFluids Jul 06 '12
Yeah, I can't help but feel sorry for him. The guy needs therapy and maybe even medication (which I am usually very against). But that's no reason to indulge his problems at your work, so kudos to the OP for dealing with him very well.
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u/NearHi Jul 06 '12
I need Phil 3: Bend the Knee!!! (I can only picture him being so lazy that he won't bend his own knees to save his life.)
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u/Spooky_Electric When passwords get lost, I explore for new ones. Jul 06 '12
I am glad I am on the internet today. These stories are awesome.
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u/hamandjam "Yoo feeks!! I wait." Jul 06 '12
I often find the mutual masochism of tech support workers amusing. That being said I must insist you provide the "more" as soon as humanly possible.
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Jul 07 '12
I would suggest that we invite Phil over here to Reddit, but he'd probably find these stories about him and go homicidal ... or spend all his time messaging the mods about issues with his internet.
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u/lethalweapon100 That guy who knows stuff Jul 07 '12
I think your flair should be the exact TLDR as your last post. The 'I WILL BREAK YOU, ASSHAT CALLER!'
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u/reddeth Jul 07 '12
35 messages; 32 of which were from Phil.
I would have been so tempted to call him regarding message #1. Clear up that it's not something you support, hang up the phone, then immediately call him back regarding message #2. Rinse and repeat. You know, let him know how it feels.
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u/Wackydude1234 I'm just a lowly home administrator Jul 06 '12
I cannot wait to hear more, phil sounds so lonely.
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u/Thatdudewiththestuff Jul 06 '12
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u/SilentDis Professional Asshat Breaker Jul 07 '12
It's been ages since I've seen Team America. I have to concede, this is fairly spot-on for how I always pictured Phil; despotic, abusive, irate, blustery, stupid and yet in need of total help at all times.
Luckily, though, he didn't have a whole country with which to take out his aggression on; just a poor computer in front of him, and for a time, a help desk. The later got cut down to 'just me', too!
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u/Thatdudewiththestuff Jul 06 '12
New favorite tech support story-line. I can't wait to read the rest.
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Jul 06 '12
It's beginning to feel a bit like the Truman Show, and I'm suddenly willing to watch (read) every minute.
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u/silversunflower Jul 07 '12
MOOORE!!!
you are a good coworker!!! everyone has something they are better at than others! /hugs
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u/groupercheeks Jul 07 '12
I often go above and beyond for customer, and then you run into your Phils who attempt to squeeze any and all work out of you/your organization. Like you said, keeping things within the support structure with these sort of users tends to help manage the situation.
BRAVO
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u/SomethingMusic Jul 07 '12
You're a very good writer. I enjoy reading these and hope you keep writing them. Here, have an upvote.
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u/Frothyleet Jul 07 '12
Verbal contract
You keep using this phrase... but I'm not sure why.
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u/SilentDis Professional Asshat Breaker Jul 07 '12
At the time, it was a semi-common 'thing' on help desks, it's apparently fallen out of favor.
The idea was you get the customer to agree, right at the start, to what you're going to work on together, and stick to it till the end. Since you are both on the same page as to what's going to be fixed, there's no question as to when the call is done.
No, it doesn't always work with people who are so scatterbrained the very idea of doing anything in a straight line is impossible. But, it also helps the tech to just constantly come back to "Sir, we agreed at the start that this is the issue you're having, and the one we're working on. Can we continue working on that, first?"
A focusing technique, is the best way to describe it.
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u/mojokabobo Jul 07 '12
I didn't even know about this subreddit till I read your first phil post. Nice work man. I'm curious if you guys ended up dropping him..
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u/Shakahs Jul 07 '12
I'm trying to imagine one of my clients complaining to me about their desk chair, and really, I can't. That something special you have there.
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u/JedLeland Jul 07 '12
Spoken in my best Mel Brooks impersonation: "There's something bigger than Phiiii-iilll."
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u/ggggbabybabybaby Doesn't Understand Flair Jul 06 '12
Dude sounds lonely.