This was my third Mother’s Day. I always have low expectations because my husband is NOT a holiday/birthday guy. But I still always hope for a little something (even just words of affirmation would go a long way, I don’t need gifts). To be fair, we are in the thick of it with a 2 year old and a newborn, so the fact that yesterday actually sucked and I had a big meltdown just is what it is.

But I’m wondering for the future… what should I actually be expecting or asking for? For those of you who actually enjoy Mother’s Day, what do you do? What does your partner do? If I need to really spell it out for my husband, what kinds of things should I tell him about how to go about it? Have any husbands who failed in the early years been able to get it together as the years go on?

I’m tempted to just ban Mother’s Day in our home so I don’t keep being disappointed but maybe I need another approach.

I willingly let my kid put stickers on the floor

So I know my husband isnt ordering flowers and will wait until the day of to pick up flowers... I have 2 sons I'm raising guess who is learning how place an order for flowers today... not going to let my future daughter in laws feel forgotten

I think my son thought it was funny to say that he thinks we would starve if his dad, my husband, left for a week. This is likely due to my son’s perception of his dad earning money for the family. So if he wasn’t here, we wouldn’t have money? Granted we do eat out a lot, so perhaps it’s because he doesn’t see me in the kitchen often? I looked at my son dumbfounded. I asked him if he genuinely thought he and I couldn’t get by on our own. He says, “well you just go to Pilates, and crochet, and sit around being lazy.” 😳 How my eyes burn just writing that out. But in the moment I was so extremely angry. I just got up and told him I was not going to be helping him get ready for sports today, and that I will no longer be helping him in the shower when he asks.

He came to me later and apologized for saying that I do nothing, and tried to hug me but I didn’t want any of it. I tend to go to bed angry, hold a grudge but have been learning to let stuff go for the sake of my child, to teach him to be better with his emotions. But this one is so hard. I told him if he truly thought I didn’t do anything, then I was going to start making it true and to stop doing things for him. He was going to start by taking his clothes out of the dryer and putting it in his room. I emphasized that they were clothes that were his that I took the initiative to wash for him.

Later, I just ignored him and went about my business. But after a little while, I asked him if he knew why I was still upset, which he said no. I told him that while apologies are the right thing to say when we hurt someone, there are times that apologies are not enough and they don’t automatically fix a situation. I told him it wasn’t nice to call someone lazy, especially to the someone who is always looking out for him and making sure everything is prepared when it is needed, or simply when it might be needed. That he truly hurt my feelings and I couldn’t get over it with just an I’m sorry.

He left with his dad for sports and we didn’t hug goodbye, nor did we say I love you. Im suppose to be the grown up here but it’s really hard in this moment.

What am I doing wrong that he thinks this way? What do I need to change? Am I actually doing too much for him? Don’t worry, hubby did not sit idly by as this was going on. At first he may have thought I was over reacting, but then went on to explain more after I told my son apologies weren’t enough. I don’t really expect anything else from my son about this. I just don’t want him to continue thinking this about me. Am I overreacting?

EDITED TO ADD: Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I understand I shouldn’t be withholding my love from my son, in any case. I know I overreacted. I lashed out and was defensive. I came here really hurt and sensitive. But it seems I should have added some more details of the evening. I was very overwhelmed and out of sorts yesterday and didn’t take the time to reply to everyone as their comments deserved.

We make it a point in our family to give each other space if we’re having big feelings, and to have a discussion about these matters when everyone is calm. I felt like I didn’t have a chance to be calm before my son had to leave for his activities.

He came home from sports and we immediately said hi and gave each other a hug. As usual, the kid is over it and didn’t see it as a big deal and is carefree. I’m happy he can do that quickly without stewing over things. Once he was ready for bed, I asked him if we could talk about what happened earlier. I asked him what he means when he says someone is lazy. He said when someone sits around doing nothing, and doesn’t eat healthy. I asked him if he felt like I did those things, and he said no. He said he was trying to be funny, not to be mean. So I told him I understand that now and I said some things when I was hurt. Things I shouldn’t have said because as his mom I love him every much, no matter what, and that I was here for him to help him with whatever he needs. We hugged it out and cuddled to sleep.

I realized everyone’s mornings with kids are probably so different. What happens immediately after you wake up? What’s your usual flow?

I’m trying to get better about play dates/groups so that we both get social interaction but today made me feel like I never want to have another play date again lol. My son is 18m and so far has met all milestones except for speech. One of the moms at the play group has a child who’s autistic, and she kept making comments that my son is too, specifically about his lack of speech and the “way he was playing”. It became the full topic of conversation in the group about how I need to get an evaluation ASAP and it all made me feel so bad like I’m failing my child or missing something. I have brought up speech to the pedi and she’s not concerned and has never had any concerns about his development. But wtf? Am I wrong to be upset like this was mean girl behavior? Or am I wrong if I don’t take it seriously? I’m so annoyed that I finally went to a group and this is what happened.

I see a lot of posts on here about not enjoying being a SAHM or having problems with their partners and I don’t want this post to seem like it’s not validating those people because I do hear you.

It is by far the hardest thing you’ll ever do.. but does anyone else just absolutely love being a SAHM?

I have a beautiful 10 month only baby boy and husband who are both my whole world and I just love every single thing about being his Mum.

We have just started trying for our second bubby.

I love being at home to nurture him, show him the world and I love cooking all of his food from scratch and make nourishing meals and snacks for my husband. I feel so lucky and I just love my life.

I also have a super supportive partner which obviously helps. And he absolutely loves being a Father, he doesn’t help with care of our baby because he has to, it’s because he wants to. The only thing that sucks is that he gets sad at work because he misses us and can’t wait to get home to us. I wish we could both stay at home and raise our babies.

Is being a stay at home parent the hardest job you’ve ever done? Be honest, be real & raw. Today I’m struggling, I’m 31 weeks pregnant, trying to potty train my 2 year old, haven’t been sleeping good and am just not having a good day thus far. We can’t call out or go home because this is what we chose & don’t get my wrong, I wouldn’t trade it for the world so I’m doing the dang thing. Just feel guilty I’m more on edge today for not being my best most patient self.

How often are your children watching tv during the day, especially when it’s freezing and you can’t go outside. I’m struggling so bad not being able to stay outside for long due to the weather. I’m also 35 weeks pregnant and just exhausted and the days are DRAGGING. I do all the sensory bins, we do learning, we bake together, he independently play a little bit eventually he just wants to watch his “mouse a cookie” lol “if you give a mouse a cookie”. It’s a pretty low stimulation show, but I just feel SO guilty not being able to entertain 24/7 or running out of ideas on what to do to entertain

Hi all, I figured this would be a good space to get this off my chest.

Fair warning, this is MY life and my personal feelings. Anything I say that maybe you did or do as a mom is not a reflection on you as a mother. So please don’t take offense.

So, my mom put me in daycare at 5 weeks old. Over the years I’ve seen the ramifications of that decision. I don’t feel close with her as she does with me. My brother is closer with her, and she stayed home with him for the first almost 3 years of his life.

She also helps when it’s convenient to her. For my own daughters I would drop everything for them. For example; I’m a SAHM and 33 weeks pregnant, and pretty sick. My husband gets up at 3 am and gets home around 4-5pm. I’m truly struggling right now and feel like death. I almost never ask for help (because I usually know the outcome already,) but I asked for help today. Her response “I’m sorry honey Tuesdays are my ceramics class and I don’t want to get sick.” I can understand not wanting to get sick (even if I wouldn’t care for my own kids, I’d go to them in a heartbeat, especially if they were that pregnant) but ceramics, really? It just really hurt. She hasn’t really helped me at all this pregnancy.

She’s very materialistic in her affection, something I’ve had to unlearn as an adult as that is how I was raised. So instead of coming to help me she was like “But I DID buy your daughter some pajamas she needed!” Which I very much appreciate and am grateful for, but I could have bought those myself. I don’t want your money, I want your love.

When push comes to shove she does show up. When my daughter was hospitalized as a newborn she came to the hospital and stayed with her once or twice. But I feel like this behavior only happens in extreme circumstances.

Maybe I’m being a whiney little b word who has no place to be complaining. I’m just very pregnant, sick, and feel like a hurt little girl again. But we know as SAHMs it can be really isolating, and I think being part of “the village” even as family, takes being Inconvenienced. Would it be inconvenient for me to get sick if I helped my pregnant daughter? Yah absolutely that would suck. But to me that is what family does, show up for one another. I would and have helped my best friend when she was stressed and sick, and I know she’d do the same for me (but right now we all have the same sickness lol.) I just sometimes feel like my mom doesn’t care, or that I find it hard to connect with her.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent into the void fellow SAHMs. Thank you if you’ve read this far:)

My kids (2, 4) watch a lot of tv in the living room. For moms with kids over say 8 years old who also let them watch tv a lot when young, would you say it negatively affected them or is everything fine? Lol. I want to let go of the guilt around letting them watch kids shows/ movies when they’re home. We also do a lot of other things- everyday we do 1-2 of the following: library storytimes, playground, pool, splash pad, grocery store, play date, outside play at home, cook, clean, playtime inside, books…. But I let them watch tv in the morning when I’m getting ready, making dinner, rest time for my oldest when my youngest naps, and then maybe watch something together in the evening after dinner etc. so it adds up I’m sure. I’d like to hear that others don’t have a lot of limits around tv and their older kids are doing great so I can let go of the guilt. I try setting out play dough, art, just saying go play etc but they don’t play very long without me or end up fighting or doing something dangerous which leads to tv…

I can't stand being a stay at home mom anymore. I'm losing my mind. The constant of being needed or yanked on or pulled on. Simply trying to calm an infant down that seems to be pissed off at everything and a needy two year old. I never wanted kids close together. But my bf did....and here we are with kids 23 months apart. I hate it. I feel like i haven't even been able to enjoy my firstborn be a kid or toddler just straight back into the newborn trenches when i barely survived the first time.

Yes my boyfriend knows all that but he has this weird kid trauma of wanting a stay at home mom and i can't live with it anymore. I get it you wanted your mom when you were younger but that's not fair to sit and push and pressure that onto me when you knew from the beginning i didn't want to be a stay at home mom forever. It drives me absolutely insane where i don't even enjoy our relationship anymore i almost resent him and just stay away and be cranky whenever he is near.

I want my kids to experience a happy mom, not a broke stressed out mom who still has to find a way to pay her own bills magically with no job. He says he'll pay for them but never has. I tell him when and where and how much and it just never happens. He even pays the mortgage at the last minute and other bills like that too. idk why when he says he has money. Then pay it.

I agreed to stay home for a year and honestly i'm not going to last. I hate this. I'm just cranky and angry at the world every single waking day.

To add: I am blue collar as well. I'm 34 and have been blue collar since i was 17. Worked back home in Alaska on a fishing boat from 17 to 26 and then joined the Union and became an Equipment operator at 26 to current. I only stayed home for 4 months with my first. But trying to pay for two kids in daycare will be absolutely insane as i've been quoted over 5000 for the both of them in most places in North Western Washington.

I miss work i miss having some sort of identity. I feel a little lost here.

I’m from a small and my parents live less than 5 minutes away, I go over to my parents often, like some weeks I’m over there 5 days a week. But sometimes I feel guilty for going over so much, I’m not exactly sure why I feel so guilty, maybe it’s because i feel thinking I’m just taking the easy route by just going over there all the time. My kids are 2 and 4 and I am solo parenting like 90% of the time too. I just feel bad going over so much ( my parents don’t mind) but for some reason I am hard on myself. So for families who have their parents close by how often are you going over?

I’m a SAHM of 2 years. I absolutely LOVE being a mom, but I hate how unsupported I am. Because of how things are in my marriage, I find myself being the “manager” and if I need help with anything, I have to give instructions and have an uphill battle trying to get support from my spouse. I know it’s not sustainable and it’s kinda sad that this is my current reality. Not to be too vent-y, but my most of my effort is unseen by my husband and when I complain or ask for support, it doesn’t go well. (Yes I’m aware it’s a dumpster fire so no need to show concern for my relationship). I’m grateful that I had a career before becoming a mom, and I will be going back to work in the very near future. I wanted to ask a few questions to get a feel for what it’s like for everyone else out there!

1. Around how many hours does your spouse work each week?

2. Why are you a stay at home parent?

3. How much of a “sacrifice” is being a stay at home parent for you and your family, if at all?

4. If your spouse is the breadwinner and pays the bills, what other responsibilities do they have to keep the family going? How are those responsibilities split up? I find myself doing almost everything, and I’m so done!

5. Are you happy with your current setup? If not, what would you want to realistically change?

We've had a costco membership for about four years now and I'm honestly not sure if it's saving us money anymore.

Like yes the per unit prices on some things seem good but we also end up buying way more than we need because everything comes in huge quantities. The giant box of goldfish crackers goes stale before we finish it, the bulk produce spoils, and I swear we have toilet paper from 2023 still sitting in the garage.

My husband is convinced we're saving hundreds a month but when I actually look at our spending we might be buying more overall just because it's there and seems like a deal. Plus the membership fee went up again.

The things I know are genuinely good deals are the rotisserie chicken, kirkland diapers when the kids were younger, olive oil, and gas. But is that enough to justify membership when walmart and target have competitive prices on a lot of other stuff?

How do you all decide if warehouse membership is actually worth it?

How much of a social life is too much of a social life?

Please help me understand if anybody has any feedback. If I’m wrong, I’m willing to be wrong, but I’m just not sure

I have been to stay at home. Mom of three special needs kids And for the longest time, it was just me and my best friend and our kids. We did spend weekends together regularly and she would come over for lunch as her job was seven minutes away from my place

I got into a relationship with a man who understands me to levels I have not experienced with other people. We have a great connection. And for all reasons necessary, he really has made a huge impact on my life.

The thing though is, he is not a fan of my best friend.

He felt like we spent too much time together.

So our current reality is that we will spend two hours once a week at my house in the living room to what we consider girls night. We have a glass of wine we watch a show or we talk while my kids are asleep and hers are at home being taken care of by her husband. Saturdays we try to hang out together with all of our children as to the fact that our kids are friends and we’re friends and we live 10 minutes away from each other since I moved.

Now my boyfriend works six days a week, He gets home between seven and eight, which is when we usually wrap up or hanging out on Thursdays or Saturdays. Sunday, he’s off and Sundays we spend with him. we eat dinner together every night and we talk and sit on the patio and do all of that. I’ve tried explaining how much my friend means to me and the kids, as to the fact that they don’t have very many people They consider safe in their world, but she is one of them. Her kids are the only kids that I’ve come across to treat my kids normal

But we’re a year and a half together, and there has been countless of conversations, arguments and negotiating about how much time together is too much time together

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m like I don’t know what to do. She is my best friend and I love this man

He doesn’t like her and feels like I’m not focused on building a family if I’m still trying to maintain the social time that I do with her

Am I wrong for feeling weird about this or what do I do?

we do not go out to bars, get drunk, we don’t go to clubs and he’s not coming home to random people over. it’s just her. we only ever hang out in her house/yard or mine

9 month old. We’re literally sick once a twice a month!! Might as well be in daycare with those numbers lol. We do occasionally go to the children’s museum, we go grocery shopping, to family’s houses, etc etc.

But shit, I thought being a SAHM would save us some of the hassle of being sick all the time. Anyone else?

I have a 3yo boy and a 22 month old girl. My husband works 12 hour shifts 5-6 days/nights a week. He does swing shift at a steel mill. I’m usually doing the nighttime / bath routine solo. I don’t mind it. I actually like our nighttime routine. Anyways, the kids love bath time and they play well together. I sit in the bathroom and read while they play or I set up the camera while I go back and forth from the kitchen finishing up dinner. When is the age that it’s no longer appropriate for them to be taking baths together? I feel like I’m just overthinking it. It’s just baths but I don’t know. I’m sure at some point it will stop but I don’t know if I’m supposed to be initiating separate baths for them.

What are some simple activities you do daily with your toddler? I’m putting together a list to help us minimize screen time. So far, I’ve thought of: crafts, coloring, puzzles, reading, playing in the backyard, dance parties, and neighborhood walks. Any other ideas?

any other stay at home moms who actually stay home? I see so much social media content/hear stories about moms who hate being home and have to take their kids out of the house everyday … I have a 2 year old and 1 year old so maybe it’s just cause my kids are pretty young but I enjoy just staying home?? The park is challenging by myself at their ages … it’s way too hot now to just hang outside and they haven’t gotten the hang of splash pads yet. we’re also just generally trying to save money this summer! I guess I just feel guilty that I’m not doing enough?? We go to the store or run errands 2-3 days a week and do stuff as a family on weekends when my husband is home, but most days I just enjoy the downtime… is it just me???

ETA: Thank you all for such insightful feedback/viewpoints - feeling much better about trusting myself and my mothering ❤️

Probably the most ridiculous I have received is “it’s supposed to be hard” while deep in the trenches of postpartum.

Nurse turned SAHM here. I do all the laundry (including cloth diaper laundry until recently when I quit), dog walks, baby care including EBF, grocery shopping, most of the cooking, pretty much all the cleaning. And my husband said last night I don't do enough to support him. The only thing I can think of is he takes the baby for like half an hour after he gets off work so I can take a long shower, and he feeds the dogs. I feel so unappreciated and I'm not sure how much more I can do without being at my breaking point even more than I already am. 😭

I’ve been a stay at home mom previously. then I worked for 5 years. and last year I became a sahm again and I forgot how lonely it is. I’m honestly struggling with it so much. and to top it off the girls who I thought were my friends don’t even return my calls. im very blessed to have a supportive, loving husband who has been so understanding and tried to be there for me as much as possible. but it’s not the same as having girlfriends ya know? and he also works long hours so I feel like I’m always alone. obviously I’m very thankful that I get to be home with my children, but i miss adult interaction and wish I had friends to talk to. send tiktoks too or someone to just chat with. anyone else relate?

What are you asking for or hoping for for Mother’s Day. I can’t even think of what I want.

I tend to avoid thinking of who I was before motherhood. Brings that depression itch back. But i am just in a void. Feels like a white room of nothing is how I feel about stay at home life. Its full of nothing and everything at the same time. My son is 2 now. Hes super smart. Active. Loves linkin park. Little bit clingy. I have it good. Amazing man . House we are renovating together. Im able to get a makeover if wanted. I have no reason not to dive into myself. But idk where to start. I feel nothing. What do I like ? What do I enjoy? What are my kinks ? I dont know anymore. Nothing entices me. Im in constant fight or slight mode. Only time im relaxed is of little dude us with his grandparents. Maybe once a month ( I get a birthday weekend soon ) so im innthe process of jumping back into life. But shit. Im paralyzed. So many paths in front of me. MY journey is complicated. Simple way to put it. Went from a sex addixted partier with no boundries to fighting cancer then finding my person and concieveing on the first date. . (I went a year with no adult time after cancer.) Luckily he was a decent man !!! Cuz my history with men is sad. It will make u cry. But man. Hormones are absolutely crazy. Luckily my husband is patient and just rolls me a blunt snd kicks my ass in the bathroom. Anyone else just lost who they are as a person? Is this a free for all to juat rebuild who I am as a person? Or does it all come back like a fly swatter to the face ? Being a stay at home mom i know how to take care of everyone in this house but myself! Crazy.