r/openmarriageregret • u/LeoDragonBoy • 10h ago

🔗Cross-Post🔗 First time poly blew up, advice needed

/r/polyamory/comments/1ttfx7g/first_time_poly_blew_up_advice_needed/
17 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

28 comments sorted by

View all comments

38

u/seche314 10h ago

She is so gross. “I can’t feel queer fulfillment” umm no you’re just a ho. Why not just own that?

27

u/frustratedcuriosity 10h ago

The comments too. The whole "poly and bi/queer being intrinsically tied" seems to be a common sentiment in those subs. Mono queers have it rough out here 😭

22

u/gingermousie 9h ago

Coupling bi and poly together intrinsically just feels like it’s leaning on that stereotype of “bisexuals can’t choose” which is an interesting choice

3

u/soursummerchild Avid Monogamist 1h ago

It's so biphobic and queerphobic to connect NM lifestyles and queerness in the way they do. Yes, a lot of queer people have chosen NM lifestyles, and many have been manipulated into them because they feel like they have no other choice. However, to claim that it's less queer to commit yourself to one person, and to not do hookups is just so fucking irritating and harmful.

I'm a transmasc married to another transmasc person. There's nothing about our marriage that is non-queer or straight. Our connection is queer. I have a lot of queer friends, too.

I hate when people equate promiscuity and NM with queerness. It's absolutely gross to require promiscuity and low/non-existant sexual boundaries/participation in hookups to be considered "queer enough". NM would actually be a living hell for me. Hookups would be hell for me. I've experienced a lot of sexual trauma, and having clear boundaries is so important to me.

I love a stable, calm and loving life with my husband. It's radical for queer people to find healing like we have, in our house and our relationship. It's honestly something I see way too rarely amongst queer people. Especially people who live unstable and unpredictable lifestyles.

3

u/LeoDragonBoy 45m ago

As a bi/pan trans man myself, I agree. I have an issue with all of this discourse about how bi people are more likely to do ENM. It definitely plays into the greedy bisexual stereotype and I hate it. Being bi should not mean you can't be satisfied with one partner. In fact, I had exes try to convince me to do ENM by arguing "you're bi, don't you want to explore other connections?" And no, I don't. All I've ever wanted was to be in a relationship where we are enough for each other. I don't even get crushes or look at other people when I'm in a relationship.

2

u/soursummerchild Avid Monogamist 12m ago

It's interesting how no means no, until it comes to saying no to NM while being queer, then all of a sudden some people think no means "convince me".

1

u/Turms70 8h ago

Btw, they can choose, they just do not want! And there is no biological pressure behind it. It is differently from sexuality. A lesbian woman will never have a fulfilling relationship with a man. Because the sexuality is given by nature.

6

u/Turms70 8h ago

Yep, how they act in those subs often reminds me to religious cults.

6

u/PukeyOwlPellet 🍿Just Here for the Drama🍿 5h ago

You. Have. No. Idea. 😭😭😭

Pansexual who in her mid 30’s stepped into the dating scene & everyone assumed i was looking for a poly relationship. The sheer amount of messages I’d get from unicorn hunters was staggering even though my profile specifically stated i was looking for a mono relationship with the intent of marriage.