r/cultsurvivors Apr 04 '26

Survivor Report / Vent VENT: Be careful about who you talk to

78 Upvotes

As far as therapists go, make sure you do your research, make sure you vette them entirely. Make sure you know them so well you would let them babysit your child sitting on a pile of gold bars and still sleep at night. I found a therapist I thought would be suitable. we talked about some minor trauma. then I got into my survivorship. two days later I get contacted by the cult that had taken me, and started to harass me again to the point I had to change my number. When I confronted her the therapist said "well I had to make sure you were telling the truth, so she contacted and asked the religion the cult was based on to see if it existed. To her it seemed far fetched, but because the cult is tolerated by the religion and pretty much their wrong doings are ignored by the majority as "just a thing" they of course denied it so she tells me I think you are just a bigot and dismissed me from schedule. so do your diligence and make sure your therapists aren't your enemy.

r/cultsurvivors Feb 02 '26

Survivor Report / Vent Chronicling Evidence of a White Nationalist Cult NSFW

129 Upvotes

I was born and raised in a white nationalist cult called Christian Identity (think Weavers/Ruby Ridge). I escaped by fleeing the state as a runaway teen in the late 90s, and now that I’m ancient, I’m trying to chronicle evidence of my family’s ties to fringe extremism and domestic terrorists.

I’ve developed a bit of an obsession with only sharing stories that I can provide evidence for, so please enjoy Grandpa’s secret closet.

I hope I flared & tagged this correctly, as it includes materials *I* consider obscene and not safe for work.

r/cultsurvivors Jan 16 '26

Survivor Report / Vent Those of us who spent our lives in authoritarian cults tried to warn everyone, and nobody listened

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89 Upvotes

I'm heartsick.

I love my country, and I want to be proud of it. I want to be proud of us as a people and as a society. But instead, I'm just sad and lost.

I'm struggling a great deal, because I, and many others I know, spent our lives in authoritarian cults, and when the political climate began to shift, we all knew exactly where it was headed. We understood where the path would lead. We knew it intimately, and understood it on a deeply personal level.

We begged people to keep an eye out for the signs, we posted, blogged, filmed, shared, and screamed into the internet that we, who know what we are talking about, are all too familiar with this ride and what it does to people. I know I shouldn't go so far as to say nobody listened. Some people listened, and that's great.

But I feel like every time I turn around I'm encountering someone who made the choice to step out of the way and allow the bad thing to happen. They don't feel complicit, because they didn't explicitly vote for certain people or policies. But they stood on the sidelines, and they watched it happen, and it's that complacency and inaction that tipped us over the edge.

I know that those of us who spent our lives in authoritarian cults are a minority, and that our existences are so dramatically different from what the average American gets to have in their lives. So when we point out a pattern we recognize with certainty and purpose, we still get shot down because our projection sounds so outlandish to everyone else.

We got called hysterical, overdramatic, pessimistic, attention-seeking. We were told we were making mountains out of molehills. We were told that it wasn't that bad, that it would never get that far, that we were being alarmist and defeatist.

And here we are. I'm watching the wildfire and wishing that the people who never had to experience fire before would've listened to those of us who spent a lifetime being burned in it.

It's just one more way our experience gets invalidated, and I am exhausted from not being taken seriously. I am exhausted from begging people to listen to and understand our experience, only to be pushed off to the fringes like an outlier who is too far outside the norm to even be considered.

Every day, I wake up and I go to a job where I help other cult survivors process and heal, and that feels purposeful, meaningful, and sometimes even magical. But I don't know how to heal all of this. I don't even know where to start.

After this post, I will take a deep breath and maybe a shot of whiskey, pull myself together, and go back to the work. But I feel too heavy to be alone with these emotions at this moment.

My heart hurts. I want my country back. And I want my voice to mean something, even if my experience is so far removed from the norm.

r/cultsurvivors 22d ago

Survivor Report / Vent I feel so isolated after having been born into a cult.

13 Upvotes

I was born into a small-ish evangelical control group in Texas full of things I wish I could say but I feel genuinely afraid to due to how most people don't really know what to say or just quite frankly don't want to hear it. After nearly 4 years of having escaped at age 19 I just feel so... useless. I have no energy, no will to go on, but I have no choice.

I'm venting, but I wish there was support, anything really. Anything to make life just... easier.

I don't have family to rely on because they all part of the cult in some way and despised me for leaving.

It's hard to maintain friendships when others react with silence at what you've been through despite sharing their traumas.

It's hard to get therapy when therapists and counselors even either react with silence, disbelief or even accusations, or just assume that being in the same type of therapy for years will magically help you.

It's hard to enter trauma support groups when the trauma victims don't expect to hear trauma like yours, when they make you even doubt if what you went through was a cult.

It's hard to enter cult survivor groups when the cult survivor focus is on people who joined cults later in their years.

It's hard to get support when even many people will look at you with suspicion and hostility for being a minority on top of everything else.

I genuinely just feel incredibly ungrateful. People have told me things along the lines of:

"The world owes you nothing. You alone have to put in the work to better yourself", "we're all dealt different cards in life, what matters is how we react to it" and similar.

And honestly, they're right. Nobody has to care for me or help me even slightly, what is important is if I can be a good person and make a good life despite all of that. I'm not special in the slightest and even if I have a worse starting point I must push through anyways like everybody else.

But I have these deeply selfish desires anyways.

Desires about having a family, a childhood, or people who would genuinely be there for me. Or maybe some legal help or help with daily life, even people who can help with paperwork.

Truthfully I would cry if there were support groups I felt like I actually had a place in. Or if I could have a safe living situation for the first time in my life. Or even just rest.

Today I have nothing to complain about. I fell in love with another born-in cult survivor from Norway, someone I've known for my life journey since leaving the cult with plans to maybe move in with her. Perhaps the first and only person I've met who doesn't dismiss everything I've been through.

But even though she has an entire house in Norway that would be lovely to rest in... unfortunately immigration takes a lot of time and effort and most of all, energy. It's an uphill battle after my life has been nothing but battles. I still have to fill out myriads of papers, travel to different locations, prove myself etc. if I wanted to immigrate via marriage or cohabitation. I don't have anyone back in the US so I'm navigating homelessness.

And this is likely incredibly self centered to say but I just lack any energy anymore. I'm immensely burnt out after the 19 years of abuse. I should be happy at how fortunate my circumstances might be in the future. I'm going to soon be in a good place now. But I just don't know how many more ladders I can climb with only her as support.

I'm posting this vent as one of my last efforts to just reach out to more people who might understand, even though I'm quite frankly afraid. I feel so isolated, I feel so de-energized, and it's truly hard to keep the dark thoughts at bay. I know I can live a better life with enough effort but I'm not even sure how much I want to continue to exist in a world where I can barely even talk about what I went through with anyone, much less get any help beyond basic therapy with coping skills that helped me to stabilize emotionally, but that's it.

I just want to rest. I just need help before I can do things. I don't want to be strong anymore.

r/cultsurvivors 17d ago

Survivor Report / Vent My former abuser approached me from behind in a bar

18 Upvotes

I'll keep this short because I honestly I just wanted to post this to a group of folks who "get it".

The guy who groomed me into this weird sex cult (I'm 2 years free) approached me from behind in a bar last week. He didn't know it was me.

I was facing my friend when she said, "he's behind you" -- I thought it was a poor taste joke, but it wasn't, haha

He realised it was me after seeing my side profile. He shouted some expletives and scuttled away.

I know he ran away because, after leaving, I took my stand and called the authorities (he was arrested and questioned but not charged).

Anyway, here's the real point of my testimonial:

I didn't have any nightmares that night, no weird feelings, but also no dissociative numbness.

I think that EMDR therapy, particularly a forward template, helped me cope with being inches away from my former, less-than-benevolent "God".

I hope this short testimony of freedom helps others who fear this kind of scenario. xx

r/cultsurvivors Apr 14 '26

Survivor Report / Vent The "niche" trauma of being a cult survivor

39 Upvotes

Now in no way am I saying that I, or any other survivor, are "special" for having this kind of trauma but I do find that it can be difficult to find others to relate to sometimes. Like whenever the topic of abuse is brought up many times it's seen in the form of domestic violence, child abuse from parents, an unintentional cycle, and things of that sort which of course are completely valid and life altering and should be taken seriously. But when it comes to organized abuse and the complexity of healing from cults, it's definitely a bit harder to find others who have gone through something similar. Like no, the abuse wasn't from my family, it was from the cult, and many people in this cult thought they were doing "good" while others knew they were being exploitative. So basically what I'm saying is that it can be a bit isolating at times, which I'm sure everyone here is familiar with.

r/cultsurvivors Dec 08 '25

Survivor Report / Vent People don’t believe the cult I was abused by is a cult.

42 Upvotes

I escaped a high control generational cult almost 5 years ago. I’ve found that when I see conversations about the cult, people are convinced it’s either not a cult at all or people assume it’s just conspiracy theories. The first thing people ask when you tell them you’re a cult survivor is “what cult was it?” But answering honestly results in them thinking I’m crazy or not believing me. I want to be open about my experiences. I want to talk about it. But I feel unsupported and disbelieved a lot of the time because of what the cult is. Even though I have documented proof of the abuse and it’s impact on me and there’s been plenty of research on the legitimacy of cult like behavior in this organization. Does anyone else have experience with this? How do you navigate it? Is it my job to educate people on it just because I want to share my personal experience?

r/cultsurvivors Mar 05 '26

Survivor Report / Vent Coming out finally.

17 Upvotes

TW. Kidnapping, physical abuse, SA.

Here's my story. I'm a guy. Older now, I grew up in a village in Ica Peru. Im Quechua, and descended from Nazca peoples. Yes the lines. When I was 11 my parents were forced to give me up for adoption (kidnapped) to a couple (religion will not be named for fear of retaliation) who lived in the United States. I say forced because my parents lives were threatened, and their wellbeing jeopardized if I didn't go.

Quechua people in Peru are solidly treated like second class. So no police response was ever brought about and my absence was just accepted. I left a mother a father and an infant brother behind. They took me to a foreign country (will not be named for fear of retaliation) where I was placed within a community, and abused physically until I accepted it, whippings, canings, fists, training in religious laws and customs, etc. from that country I was shipped back to the US, to be with another family in upstate NY. Where I was little more than a house servant and sex toy for the woman of the couple. The man he didn't care as long as I didn't cut up. They would meet regularly for their religious meetings and I was forced to go, forced to participate, and forced to serve in various ways. Failure or less that stellar performance meant beatings, and confinement to a small room. This lasted until I was about 25. I had tried to run several times and always been "brought back" by police and community patrols and told not to try again. I don't trust police at all anymore. The counselor for human services I did tell about this in an attempt to get out told me "that doesn't happen to men" and you are blaming them because you are racist, and lastly, I know them and they would never do that. So all of my attempts to get help were shot apart without listening. To this day I get the same reaction from therapists, especially religious ones. I've dealt with this now for 20 plus years and still help is very often withheld because of what I say. Before you can say they can't withhold help yes they can. I've been bounced around in therapy limbo. No therapist will touch my case, so help is effectively witheld. That's my story. I'm just trying to get through it and help others do the same. Especially those who have been silenced due to a religion affiliated with their cult making it impossible to speak.

r/cultsurvivors Mar 28 '26

Survivor Report / Vent Testing a theory on how toxic the new age movement is

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8 Upvotes

I posted a link here and on R/Shamanism all responses to the link were removed and I received this response (which was very creepy and ended up proving my point). I will never understand why people who claim to be so “spiritual” fold under the slightest hint of pressure and react like this when the smallest of questions are raised, apparently they still do not understand how Cult mentality works and by locking the thread this person has shown that unless you are 100% on board with their way of thinking you are wrong. I am posting this and timing how long the link on r/shamanism stays up

r/cultsurvivors Apr 02 '26

Survivor Report / Vent I was in a cult only to get more traumatized in a "regular" church

9 Upvotes

Like, knowing I was in a cult, sure that's what they do.

I go to a "regular" church having left a cult and with autism and other disabilities only to get even more excluded and maligned by leadership and apparently even some of the congregation.

What the hell.

r/cultsurvivors 6d ago

Survivor Report / Vent I was abused as a child in a "one true church" environment (True Jesus Church)

5 Upvotes

TLDR: I was abused and bullied as a child in the True Jesus Church, and no adults protected me. The harm wasn’t just from boys in my branch, it came from a high‑control church culture that silenced problems, minimized abuse, and prioritized image over children’s safety. I’m not saying every branch is identical, but the system creates the same risks everywhere. Leaving saved me in ways the church never did.

Note: the True Jesus Church (TJC) originated from China in 1917 and has global branches across various continents. Most members are of East and South East Asian decent (with the exception of Africa, perhaps), which in turn brings a lot of traditions and hierarchy into the environment. It claims to be the one true church of God and has a high-control culture. It teaches outsiders are evil and if you leave, you are deemed as weak in faith, tempted to sin, or some other illogical reasoning the church comes up with.

I’m naming the church in the title because my experience didn’t happen in a vacuum. I’m not saying every branch is identical, but the doctrines and culture are shared across the organization, and that’s what shaped what happened to me.

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The one and only

I grew up in the True Jesus Church, which teaches that it’s the only place on earth with the full truth and the only path to salvation. You’d think a church that claims that kind of authority would at least know how to protect its members from harm. Reflecting back, I’m shocked and saddened at how little anyone cared about safeguarding or basic emotional safety.

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Being targeted by church bullies

When I was between 7 and 10, I was bullied by a group of 5-6 teenage boys in the church. They’d laugh and point at me whenever I walked past them in the hallways, trying to trip me up. At one point, I suspected they defaced my desk in my RE class and I noticed mine was the only one that was affected. During choir practice, one of them pulled my hair while another encouraged him, laughing like it was pure entertainment. I was so shocked that I froze in horror as they kept yanking my hair. I was so scared of them, I would walk different routes within the building to avoid bumping into them, where possible. I was a little kid and they were teens. Nobody (not even adults) stepped in to protect me.

I still to this day have no idea why they targeted me. One of them is even the son of a prominent deaconess who should know better. That same boy also joined in in mocking me in person at the same high school we went to when I accidentally knocked something over (like seriously).

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Charades

The moment that still sticks with me happened during a youth fellowship at someone’s house. We were playing hymn charades, and my hymn had the word “heaven” in the title. I pointed upward but nobody was understanding what word I was trying to convey. Because of this, those same boys immediately started laughing and mocking me in front of everyone. I burst into tears and ran to the bathroom. The whole room went silent and I think my reaction shocked everyone.

Later, two members who were in that fellowship gave me a card saying they hoped I was okay, but one of them wrote “it was just a game,” which felt like a slap. It wasn’t “just a game” to me but years of being targeted by bullies in a place that was meant to be a safe haven. That comment basically told me my feelings were an overreaction. After that day, the bullying stopped but none of the boys ever apologized. I never received closure. It's something I still reflect upon as an adult...

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Reflection

Now that I’m older, I can see the bigger picture. This wasn’t just kids being kids, I was physically, emotionally, and mentally abused by these boys, and it was a complete failure of a system that claimed divine authority but couldn’t handle basic child protection. A church that preached holiness and righteousness but ignored cruelty happening right in front of them.

What hurts the most isn’t just what the boys did. It’s the culture that let it happen: adults who looked away, the minimization, the lack of accountability, the way the church’s image mattered more than a child’s wellbeing... The way the responsibility to not make a scene fell on me (a child!) instead of the people who were actually causing harm.

Before TJC members who read this say, “not all branches are like this,” I’m glad if your experience was different but mine still happened. Two completely different things can co-exist at the same time. When the same doctrines, the same high‑control culture, and the same silence around harm exist across continents, the patterns repeat themselves. Some may be more prominent in certain branches than others. My story isn’t about one “bad branch”, it’s about a system that gives adults no tools or incentive to protect members and especially children. Just because some branches behave better doesn’t mean the system is safe. The culture that failed me exists across the entire organization.

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I have no regrets leaving

I left the church years later for a lot of reasons, but this was one of the earliest signs that something was deeply wrong. A church that claims to be the only true one shouldn’t be a place where a child learns that their pain is inconvenient, or that adults will stay silent rather than confront wrongdoing. It shouldn’t be a place where safeguarding is basically nonexistent.

I’ve carried this for a long time, and I’m finally going to say it plainly: the True Jesus Church is an awful place to be in. It’s awful not just because of what individual people did to me, but because the entire system is built in a way that allows harm to happen and then pretends it never did. I’m not saying every branch behaves identically, I’m saying the doctrines, teachings, practices, and culture create the same risks everywhere. It teaches you that your suffering is your fault, that abuse is misunderstanding, and that speaking up is causing division. It convinces you that you’re safe while quietly abandoning you the moment you actually need protection.

The structure itself is high‑control, insular, and dismissive of harm. It prioritizes doctrine over people, image over accountability, and obedience over safety. Any institution that claims exclusive truth while refusing to safeguard its own members and especially children is fundamentally broken. No child should have to learn that lesson in a place that claims to represent God and claims to be superior to other churches.

Leaving was the best choice for me and that saved me in ways the True Jesus Church never did.

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Read my other posts about my True Jesus Church experiences

r/cultsurvivors 8d ago

Survivor Report / Vent If you were in a cult and were a trad wife this could sound familiar to you. So you could be triggered by this.

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2 Upvotes

r/cultsurvivors 29d ago

Survivor Report / Vent Escaping the walls of the True Jesus Church

4 Upvotes

TLDR: I grew up in the True Jesus Church, a high‑control Christian environment that shaped my life through fear, surveillance, judgment, and emotional suppression. I internalized the belief that everything was my fault because the church lacks introspection. Leaving the church cost me so much: relationships, identity, and years of development, but it also gave me clarity. I’m grieving the time I lost but finally learning who I am outside of fear, control, and spiritual pressure.

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Background

I was born into and grew up in the True Jesus Church (TJC/真耶穌教會/Zhen Yesu Jiaohui) in the West. I left many years ago, but the hurt and damage remain. The church’s origins lie in China in 1917, and its culture reflects a blend of traditional Chinese values and Christianity. Most members were of Chinese heritage, and that cultural mix shaped a lot of things about the environment.

I have other siblings, and several of them left the church, too. With me, the pressure became intense. Looking back, I can see how my parent was being judged by other members as one child after another walked away. They grew increasingly distressed and guilt‑tripped me with warnings about hell and spiritual danger, insisting I return. Because I’m not fluent in my heritage language, it was incredibly difficult to explain what I was feeling to my parent. Even if I had been able to express myself perfectly, I don’t think it would have mattered. They were so deeply shaped and blinded by the church’s teachings that anything outside that framework simply couldn’t be understood.

One of the things that breaks my heart now is how much they suffered under that judgment. I remember seeing them sitting alone in the chapel, looking down at the ground, looking sad in a way I didn’t have words for as a child. I would ask if they were okay, but they wouldn’t respond. I remember a preacher criticizing them to me for “not praying enough”, implying that their supposed lack of devotion was the reason their children were leaving. It was cruel and completely ignored the reality that they were doing their best in a system that offered no support and no understanding.

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I thought there was something wrong with me

When I was a child at church, I was physically hurt by boys there for years. It was ongoing and visible. I can remember them laughing and pointing at me as I walked past them, and I still to this day have no idea why a group of 5–6 teenage boys continually targeted me. Adults saw it and nobody intervened, not even my own family. Nobody has ever apologized. I remember crying in my prayers asking why I was being mocked and God of course didn’t respond. There was no safeguarding nor accountability, with no sense that children’s well‑being mattered. It taught me early on that the church cared more about maintaining order and appearances than about the safety of the people inside it.

Another horrible moment I recall is a youth group meeting where we had to write “good points” and supposedly bad points about ourselves, and others added their own. Almost every negative comment about me focused on how shy, quiet, or withdrawn I was. Nobody asked why. Instead of wondering what the church could do to support young people, they treated my silence as a flaw to be corrected.

For a long time, I genuinely believed I was somehow defective and spiritually lacking. I didn’t understand that I was reacting normally to an environment that didn’t feel safe. I internalized the idea that my problems were personal failures rather than signs of an unhealthy church environment.

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Lack of introspection

Just as we were constantly told from the pulpit to “examine ourselves,” the church itself never examined its own teachings, culture, or impact. It never asked whether its practices were actually helping people or harming them.

I've worked in companies where we had retrospectives i.e. what went well, what didn't, and any improvements to make for the future. This type of thing always helps to know what we can do better next time to lessen risks etc. In church, even though it's not a company, it looked to me there wasn't any of this kind of reflection.

There was a deep double standard: members were expected to scrutinize every thought and action for “filth” while the institution itself was beyond question. Leadership acted as though the church was already perfect by default , “the holy bride of Christ.” There’s even a song a member wrote simply called “True Jesus Church” that celebrates the institution itself. It’s beautifully composed, but it also reflects how the church sees its own identity as something sacred and unchangeable.

I doubt TJC would ever allow an outside consultant to review its practices, assess its culture, or suggest improvements. Anything like that would immediately be dismissed as secular influence or a threat. That refusal to self‑reflect keeps the church stagnant.

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High‑control surveillance

The church encourages policing each other. At youth programs, we are told that if we saw someone “breaking rules,” we had to report them, even if it was our friend. Even years later, if someone “spoke heresies,” we were expected to report that too. Loyalty to the institution mattered more than loyalty to people.

There were even situations outside of church where older teens would quietly monitor us without saying anything. I remember hanging out with other teens outside of church and only realizing much later that older members were sitting at a distance, watching us the whole time. They didn’t join us or let us know they were there, merely observing. I only noticed them when I turned around. It was unsettling and made it clear that even outside formal church settings, we were being judged.

One other time, my sibling went to a school party, and I remember a pastor and some older teens driving us to where the party was with the intention of spying on them to see what they would get up to. Young me was told it was “out of concern”, but many years later I realized it was surveillance. And downright creepy AF.

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Cultural insecurity

There were moments that revealed the church’s deeper insecurity. I remember a Taiwanese member expressing disappointment that no white members were present at a fellowship. It wasn’t malicious on their part but more of an anxious hope that the church would finally “break through” in my country. However, it showed how disconnected the church was from the actual religious landscape here.

The church insisted on keeping the Chinese characters on the name plate outside. Leadership treated it as non‑negotiable, as if removing them would betray the church’s identity but it didn’t help. Non‑members called us “the Chinese church,” and there was an unspoken assumption from outsiders that only Chinese people were welcome. Leadership never considered that the characters were a barrier. Even the English name was an obstacle (and a huge red flag), because it implied all other churches were false as well as being grammatically incorrect.

The church wants to grow in my country, but it never questioned how its own presentation and messaging pushed people away. Most people here aren’t looking to join a rigid and insular church with long sermons and an emotionally flat environment. Instead of asking why the environment wasn’t connecting with people, it doubled down on things like youth training courses and fellowships.

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Cognitive dissonance

There was a constant gap between what the church said and what it did. The “one true church” rhetoric certainly didn’t match the politics, the gossip, and the fear. These contradictions slowly eroded my trust and made me question whether the “True” Jesus Church lived up to its name and its supposed loving nature.

I remember a moment when a sister speaking on the pulpit broke down in tears because members were gossiping about her child getting married in a Prayer House instead of the main church. People assumed the couple had done *something "bad" together*, and the shame and judgment pushed her to the point of crying publicly. I felt so awful for her and just wanted to give her a hug. It was another example of how the church’s behavior contradicted its teachings about compassion and love.

So much of the theology I grew up with was fear‑based like the fear of hell, fear of disappointing God, fear of spiritual attack etc. Fear was absolutely woven into everything, from RE classes to even a casual conversation at times. It kept people compliant and scared.

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Judgment cast onto those who leave

I was considered a “heathen” for leaving. Anyone who left was labeled weak in faith, misled, or someone who had done something really, really bad. Their departure was moralized, treated as a personal failure rather than a sign that something in the environment might be unhealthy. There was no attempt to understand their reasons. It was always framed as their fault.

Leaving wasn’t just seen as a physical act, it was being cast as spiritually defective. I remember a youth fellowship where the leader (a pastor) openly blamed those who left. He spoke as if their departure proved their lack of sincerity or devotion. That was so many years ago, yet even now I remember how strange and unsettling it sounded. Instead of compassion or curiosity, there was only condemnation. It reinforced the message that the church could never be at fault but only the individual could.

If you ever leave, expect to be harassed with messages from "concerned" members. I was harassed by a couple of pastors who bombarded me with Bible verses. That was not fun at all, especially when I no longer held a belief in God or the Bible.

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Frozen development

Growing up in that environment froze parts of my development. When you’re taught to suppress your thoughts and individuality, you don’t get the chance to grow into yourself.

Members only ever knew small parts of me, and some even infantilized me, treating me like a child long after I wasn’t one. It was embarrassing, and nobody wanted to get to know me beyond the surface, even though I tried to be friendly where I could.

Leaving the church felt like starting life from scratch: learning how to think, feel, and exist without fear. It remains a painful process, but one where I am discovering more about myself.

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Burnout and over‑responsibility

There was endless pressure to serve e.g. to attend every service and fellowship, volunteer for sermonising, be available for leading hymnal sessions. Saying no was guilt‑inducing.

I was put into the RE system from young, and after years of being taught this and that, I was expected to eventually become an RE teacher. It didn’t matter if I didn’t feel comfortable doing it. I still had to do it. If you refused, you were viewed with suspicion and interrogated about whether you had done *something wrong*. They doubled down with lines about “repaying God’s grace” or “serving with gratitude,” as if guilt could be disguised as devotion. I feel bad for teaching my class what was taught to me, and I hope they can escape the system themselves.

Due to a small church membership, I was also expected to be a choir conductor, which was an excruciating experience. Again, I couldn’t say no, and I was guilted by an older member until I gave in.

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Trauma responses

Looking back, so much of what I thought was spiritual struggle was actually trauma:

• hypervigilance

• fear of punishment

• shame (a lot of it)

• emotional suppression

• spiritual gaslighting

My body was reacting to an environment that wasn’t safe. I’m now in therapy for religious trauma and CPTSD, where I’m in a safe place to share my experiences with a highly trained therapist.

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Present day

I realized the world isn’t as bad as the church described. Of course, there are extremely awful folks out there, but I’ve met kind and ethical people who had never set foot in or even heard of TJC. I discovered more humanity outside its walls than I ever did inside.

Sometimes I grieve the years I lost in my youth and the freedom I didn’t know was possible. However, leaving gave me my life back, but it also made me realize how much of it had been taken from me. I’m still on a healing journey, but at least now the life I’m living finally feels like mine.

_____

Read my other posts about my True Jesus Church experiences

r/cultsurvivors Feb 19 '26

Survivor Report / Vent Ramadan is triggering my religious trauma

5 Upvotes

Long story short, I grew up in a tradcath family in France (FSSP/ICRSP) with many cult dynamics. I left the Church because of its stance on women and LGBTQ people and the traumatizing effects it had on my early adult years. Many years later I reverted to Islam.

Anyway, Ramadan has just started and I live with another Muslim girl. I have been dreading Ramadan for weeks. And now that it’s here, I finally understood why. It’s the community aspect of Ramadan that is triggering me. I have always hated experiencing Ramadan with other people, which is weird because the Muslim community gathers a lot during Ramadan as well as families etc. Last year my Ramadan went smoothly, because it was my first one alone. Now I’m stuck with someone with a Muslim culture, which means she wants to do all the special cooking etc and counts on me for the community aspect but the truth is that I CAN’T ! Due to the amount of religious trauma I’ve been through, I cannot bear the idea of religious community anymore, and I don’t want to share my acts of adoration with anyone. I don’t want to feel pressured by someone who has certain standards about Ramadan. She def isn’t, but my feelings are irrational and I’m aware of that. I feel watched like I was during Lent. I do not want this month to feel special at all. With all my mental health issues and eating disorders Ramadan is especially difficult for me, so I need it to ressemble a normal month as much as possible.

In the same time, I still want to enhance my practice during this month, but having someone with me completely blocks me from religious practice. It works for me when I am in a Muslim country with people I am not too close with, but she knows too much about me for me to feel comfortable about spirituality.

I am not sure about why I am posting this on Reddit, I really needed to vent about it I guess…

r/cultsurvivors 24d ago

Survivor Report / Vent What leaving the True Jesus Church looked like through a child’s eyes

2 Upvotes

For anyone unfamiliar, the True Jesus Church is a very strict, high‑control Christian environment where conformity is expected and individuality is often discouraged.

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I used the names of biblical books as section titles because they were the language of my childhood, the framework through which I first learned to interpret the world. These titles aren’t meant as commentary on scripture itself, but as a way to reflect the emotional themes of chapters of my family’s story: departure, grief, action, reflection, and clarity. It felt right to tell this story in the vocabulary I was raised in, even as I look back on it with new understanding.

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There are moments in a family's history that only makes sense years later. As a child, you feel the impact but not the meaning. You witness the rupture, but you don’t yet understand the story underneath it. This post is about those moments for me.

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Exodus (departure)

I was still a child when my first sibling left the church. At the time, I didn’t understand what was happening. I didn’t know why they left, what it meant, or how much weight it placed on the rest of the family. I only saw the surface: the tears, the tension between my parents and my sibling, the confusion, and the conversations behind closed doors. In hindsight, I can see how profound those moments must have been for everyone involved.

For my sibling, it was probably the first time they stepped outside the script our family had lived in. We always had to pray and read the Bible. We always had to recite the ten basic beliefs before we got our pocket money. We always had to attend Saturday services.

For my parents, it must have felt like losing something they didn’t know how to name, the system didn’t give them a language to interpret this process. For the rest of us, it was a shift we didn’t have the vocabulary to understand because we were still so young.

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Lamentations (grief)

A few years later, another sibling left. Again, I didn’t know the reasons. I didn’t know what they had wrestled with, or what they had endured, or how long they had been carrying questions alone. I do remember that they struggled with suicidal ideation, which still makes me so sad for them.

There was one time a church member came to our house to check up on my sibling. They were in the living room while I was doing homework. After an hour, their chat finished and just as the church member was leaving, I asked them if my sibling was alright. They responded that my sibling didn't say anything and had only cried.

I only knew that something in our family changed each time someone stepped away.

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Acts (my own steps)

Many years later, it was my turn to leave the True Jesus Church. Despite what I had gone through with my family and my own personal life at that time, I didn't envisage leaving.

Now, as an adult, I can finally see the emotional landscape that was invisible to me then. I can see how isolating it must have been to be the first to leave. I can see how heavy it must have felt for my parents, who were trying to hold the family together while also holding their own beliefs.

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Ecclesiastes (reflection)

I find myself feeling something I never felt as a child: a quiet sorrow for what everyone in my family went through. For the ones who left and the ones who remain. We all had our own painful journeys.

I’m sad the church didn’t give my family a safe way to voice their doubts. I’m sad my siblings had to carry their questions and pain alone. I’m sad my parents were left without tools to understand what their children were experiencing. I’m sad the church environment made leaving feel like a rupture instead of a conversation. I'm sad at how the church treated us. Most of all, I’m sad that none of us had the language back then to talk about what was really happening.

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Revelations (clarity)

Looking back now, I realise that leaving isn’t just an individual act. It’s something that ripples through a family, especially in a community where faith and identity are so tightly packed together. Those ripples remain today, though not as sharply as before.

I didn’t understand any of this when I was young, but I see it now. Seeing it doesn’t change the past, but it does change the way I hold it.

r/cultsurvivors Apr 14 '26

Survivor Report / Vent Hello everyone! Sorry for my dump and run earlier!

9 Upvotes

Hi, I’m Angela. I spent 12 years in a high-control religious group in Portland, Oregon, starting at age 12. I was taken into the group as a child and didn’t leave until I was 24.

The group operated across Oregon, Washington, and Hawaii under at least nine different names. It ran a human smuggling pipeline, forced marriages of minors, and produced four indictments and a conviction for eight counts of child sexual assault. It operated out of normal residential houses in Northeast Portland. Nobody knew what was happening inside.

I recently wrote an academic paper documenting the group’s structure, criminal network, and psychological mechanisms. It’s the first time this case has been examined in academic literature.

I’m not a credentialed researcher. I’m a survivor who decided to put it on the record.

You may have already seen me drop the link earlier with zero context like a gremlin.

Thank you for accepting me in this community!

Angela

r/cultsurvivors Apr 13 '26

Survivor Report / Vent 10 years out

2 Upvotes

I've now been ten years out of a high control, highly physical and sexually abusive christian cult. I was forcefully enrolled when I was 8 and kept and abused until recently when I was able to open my eyes, with help of an outsider who became my friend. I was summarily pushed out because of my "heresy" and have lost family due to it. I have developed a real aversion to christianity due to this, and a bit of a temper which I'm trying to work on, but I understand to each their own. I find that those that I lost are still weighing heavily on me and that still hurts. I just wanted to chime in and say hello.

r/cultsurvivors Mar 18 '26

Survivor Report / Vent I feel like it was all pre planned

4 Upvotes

Ok, some context:

Growing up it felt like we (my system and I) never grasped anything, as if nothing around us made sense on a deeper level. That’s the best way we can explain it. We were often called stubborn and people said they knew we were smarter than that and often felt stupid. When we grew up, we found that part of it was our DID, part of it was our audhd, part of it was our shit education. Finding memories of our cult makes us think that this is all preplanned

We have since moved away from our family and don’t talk to most of them. We live with 2 others and while most of the time, we’re all on the same page and don’t argue/disagree that often, when we do, it makes us feel like a child. Sometimes the smallest things can make us blow up and misunderstanding situations could also make it worse. It’s like anger takes over our entire being. And us not understanding makes us feel like we’re no more than a useless idiot but we don’t want to bring this up.

There are other times where because of trauma, we just feel like a robot. We just go through the motions. It was a coping mechanism when we were in our abusive household, but now we just… do that. Get up, go through the motions, and suddenly the entire day is gone. We may be able to tell you what happened throughout the day, but in a robotic way.

All of these things (feeling too stupid to understand daily concepts, our emotions getting the better of us all the time, feeling like a robot) affects our ability to interact with the world around us. We feel like we have no idea how to be a human. Our neurodivergence was never acknowledged and they our family never taught us basic concepts because they’re always “too busy” and told us that they tried to show us when we were younger but we wanted nothing to do with it but none of this is true. They didn’t try to teach us anything and if they did, they gave up. We feel doomed. We are a 22 year old with no idea how to survive in the world around us. It’s like all the basic building blocks of life just… were not given to us and we have no tools.

Education was also damn near impossible. It truly felt like we only passed because the teachers wanted nothing to do with us anymore. We truly learned nothing at school and because of the burnout and everything above, we dropped out of our forced attempt at college (we didn’t want to go to college, they made us). As a result, we only work basic jobs.

All of this together makes living impossible. We wonder if they did this so that we would just stay in the cult/abusive house until we either fully become their robot/doll or give up and end everything. We know that when we left, they seemed so upset but while we were there, they never seemed to want us around at all unless it was to be whatever they may want/need.

I’m sorry about the rant, but this has been churning in our mind for a few months now and we needed to get it out. Thank you if you did read this!

r/cultsurvivors Sep 03 '25

Survivor Report / Vent I believe I am in a cult.

23 Upvotes

My mother and I are stuck in this situation currently, we’re struggling to get out of it. I’m in a Christian based non-profit organization. They partner with Dream Centers (I’ve heard they’re cult like) from LA and Phoenix. They are overtly Christian zealots with ridiculous rules and regulations. It’s a mob rule mentality, and I’ve checked out the B.I.T.E model. A majority of the stuff on there, this place does. It’s sad because this place is supposed to help women. I’ve watched 2 people be completely manipulated, used and abused. My mom and I are stuck here at the moment, with nowhere else to go, and because we’re not easily manipulated and have our own opinions, we are mistreated here and retaliated against. We have mandatory Bible studies often, and pretty much the only people allowed here are people who volunteer from an evangelical church. We were made to sign documents stating we could be maimed, disfigured, and even killed here & that we could not take legal action against them because of it. We’ve been told we shouldn’t have our own opinions, that we need to keep our “blinders on”, that the only book with any real knowledge is the Bible, and we are forced to listen to Christian music 24/7. They monitor what we watch on tv, ask to see what we’ve been doing on our devices, and are monitored through cameras and microphones. We are threatened with being kicked out if we object or ask questions about things, we can’t discuss anything outside of the house, or even with the other 2 girls because we’ve been told we can’t communicate with each other on certain topics. We are now only allowed to sit certain places because they wanted to separate my mother and I, and they say we enable each other and keep trying to split us up. I was told not to share my feelings with my mom, and we are directed to go to the leader about everything. We have been told we can’t make purchases without asking permission first, which is just not legal. Any objections to any of this is met with us being labeled as “the enemy”. The leader genuinely believes she’s the oracle of god. She will say something, go to the bathroom, and then say “god has spoken to me” and completely change whatever rules she just set up. She genuinely believes god is speaking to her. They tried to block us from talking to social service agencies and have told us what is allowed to be discussed, and what isn’t allowed to be discussed with the agency (we are not to disclose anything about the house rules or anything about the leader). They lied to us about what this place was, and then said we signed up for a program (we did not) and they lie to us about everything. Things we should know. They say we aren’t allowed to talk about certain things because we will instill fear, and fear is from the enemy (satan). The manipulation is insane here, and we are left doubting ourselves. They told us we did not need to be Christian to be here, but force it on us every chance they get. The only solution to any problem is to pray, lay praying hands upon each other, and any coincidence that happens/ if something bad happens, or even if the animals act weird, we are told we need to huddle and pray because the enemy is attacking. The leader even forbid my mom from leaving the house with me at one point. We had plans and my mom had stayed home from work because she wasn’t feeling that well, then I asked her to come with me someplace, we had been down the street when we hear the psycho leader screaming my moms name, the leader forbade her to leave with me and told my mom that she had manipulated her by staying home that day. On top of this, one of the girls that has been completely manipulated is an immigrant, and any money she gets from the government is taken from her along with her important documents and held by the leader, she was even made to work under the table as a maid without having any work visa. It’s very sad to see. We have nowhere to go currently, and I have my two cats, so we are stuck here. They are trying to turn us into their definition of perfect Christian women. Since coming here my mom has been suffering mentally and so have I, and there’s not really anything we can do.

r/cultsurvivors Dec 14 '25

Survivor Report / Vent I need some comfort.

8 Upvotes

I grew up in a small cult. In 2019, one person died on January 1st. Then, someone died on January 1st, 2020. After that, someone died on January 2nd, 2021 (a year apart, accounting for the leap year). This terrifies me to this day, and makes me fear that the teachings of this cult are true. For perspective, they were all older people, and the community is/was around 500 people in number. I need an explanation for this because I’m so terrified. I know, based on literally everything else that happened while I grew up there, that it’s all bullshit, but I was so indoctrinated as a child that this still gives me panic attacks nearly every week.

r/cultsurvivors Nov 06 '25

Survivor Report / Vent I wasted 5 years of my life

20 Upvotes

Hey y’all! I very recently left a new age ‘cult’ like situation. Long story short I was seeing an energy healer and she took me into her business and I became indoctrinated. I worked for her as her business manager and PA for veryyyy little pay, was ‘mentored’ by her and even started my own energy healing practice until 2 months ago I all of a sudden in a split second came to the realisation that all of it is fake, a scam and I was in a cult. Obviously the story is much for complex hahaha but that’s a little context.

I’m struggling with feeling like an absolute idiot. And struggling with grief, regret, guilt and absolute rage.

I am struggling with being able to feel comforted by my loved ones as it’s obvious extremely hard for them to understand. when I express to them that I feel I’ve wasted 5 years of my life they try and comfort me by saying ‘you didn’t waste your time there are lessons in this and it makes me want to rip my hair out of my head.

My question to you all is, how do you move through these feelings? Do you have anyone special you are able to talk to? How am I able to get the support I feel I need from this?

I have been seeing an amazing therapist but in terms of my partner, friends and parents, they all seem like they are a bit sick of hearing about it.

Just not sure how to express myself.

r/cultsurvivors Feb 03 '26

Survivor Report / Vent FOMO

11 Upvotes

A while back I got on here and spoke about how I felt like I was missing a part of myself that never existed. At the same time, I also miss that part of my life that did exist as well. I know, what a complainer. I’ll think back to my friends, the good memories, the fun road trips and plane rides we’d have before inevitably being trafficked (not that we realized it at the time). Sometimes I miss that sense of being “special” that I had a duty, a community of people who had a “secret language” with eachother. I’d never go back, god no, but I’m not gonna act like there were aspects I didn’t enjoy. Maybe I’m still recovering from brainwashing or whatever. I hope this doesn’t make me sound super sadistic or insane, anyone else struggle with this?

r/cultsurvivors Mar 02 '26

Survivor Report / Vent Come listen to our cult story that existed in the heart of Portland Oregon

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5 Upvotes

r/cultsurvivors Feb 24 '26

Survivor Report / Vent My family is in a cult.

3 Upvotes

My family is in a cult. It was 2014 read my story.

when I was a little girl, we traveled one hour away to this home. it was beautiful in the hill country of San Antonio. There were all these rich people, very kind people with connections to the white house. I was walking around when I was seven and then I opened the basement and my brother was in the silk coat it was red, my mom told me it's just what people do and if I'm noisy Jesus would be upset with me. we went back to the house multiple times. Years later I had gotten into some of the best colleges. one day I'm in a parade with my school and these kids who are from the area of the house i mentioned are there and absolutely know me we have never met but they are laughing and trying to create conversation with me like we've been friends for years. my brother met president trump and he had this friend from North Korea who was probably a spy and this girl from Russia. My mom said they are friends and it's normal to meet new people. he doesn't have social media and he travels constantly and when he has a girlfriend they have this phase where they stay together and break up for no reason. my cousin was in prison for drug dealing and my mom got a lawyer and got him out he was supposed to spend the rest of his life but my mom claims we are poor and can't afford anything. my other cousin was in the cartel she was drug trafficking but she was only in for a year and got out.

r/cultsurvivors Feb 25 '26

Survivor Report / Vent Involuntary relocation

7 Upvotes

So here I am today. New legal name, new address all in a way to get away. I was kidnapped at the age of 10, they say adopted, I say kidnapped as my parents were capable, and loving people who were told I could be adopted or they could die. Forced away from my family and forced into ritualistic abuse in the name of "God". I'm 15 years out and I still hold the scars and I still have the flashbacks and memories. What I don't have is the support. Therapists like to have their own view on what you say. Like me, I should quit complaining, or It didn't happen like that you are misremembering, and how do you know for sure what religion it really was all to deflect blame from the abusers. My parents are dead and I learned I had no other siblings. So I am loathe to talk about it especially given reddits bias, but I'll always answer questions. There is some information I won't say because I don't want to risk a reddit ban but hi. Here I am. Stuck with you folks.