AIO: Been with my fiancee 6+ years, went to a party, she passed out and my overthinking self I decided to check her phone and found this number blocked and the messages deleted. It seems super weird to me she doesn’t talk to me like this at all, it’s scaring me. Definitally confronting her when she wakes

throwaway. wedding is next weekend. i need to know if im overreacting or if this is as insane as it feels.

quick context. been with my fiance almost 5 years engaged for about a year and a half. things have been mostly fine. his mom and i have never been close but ive worked hard to be respectful and include her in things. my parents are paying for the wedding. that detail is going to matter in a second.

we agreed on a guest count of 110 about a year ago. our venue caps at 120. we have gone through the list together at least three separate times. when we did the final pass two months ago we had to cut some people i actually wanted there. my older brothers wife didnt make the list because we were squeezing under the cap. my college roommate didnt make it. i cried about my coworker who i sit next to every day not getting an invite. we made hard calls. or i thought we did.

last night the venue coordinator emailed me about final seating arrangements. she attached a spreadsheet and at the bottom there was a tab i had never seen labeled "additions per FMIL." i opened it and there were 10 names. ten people i was never told about. some i have never heard of. some i have heard of and specifically asked not to invite for reasons that i thought we had talked about.

i called my fiance immediately. he picked up and before i could finish the question he said yeah i know about that. those are mom's people.

apparently his mother has been emailing the venue directly for months. she got herself added to the planning email chain back in january. when i asked how she said his mom told her she was helping coordinate. the coordinator assumed i knew. she has been cc'd on dozens of emails about my wedding and i had no idea.

the names. two are coworkers of hers. three are cousins twice removed that we explicitly did not invite when we did the original list. one is her hairdresser of all people. and the other four are from his ex girlfriends family. they were "family friends" for years apparently. his mother is still close with the ex's mom. she invited them. to my wedding. without telling me. and my fiance KNEW.

when i asked him how long he had known he wouldnt answer at first. eventually he said since around march. MARCH. while i was sitting at the kitchen table making myself cut my own brothers wife from the list he knew his mother had quietly added her own people and he said nothing.

i asked him why and he said its easier this way. he said if he had told me i would have made it a thing and his mom would have made his life miserable and it wasnt worth the fight. he kept saying its just 10 chairs. its not a big deal. like i was being unreasonable for caring about who is at my own wedding.

then he said the part that broke me a little. he said his mom assumed since my parents were paying for it that she should have some say in the headcount because otherwise it wasnt fair to her. she felt left out. so she just started inviting people. and he let her. for four months.

my parents budgeted for 110. we are now at 120 which is the absolute cap of the venue. that is 10 more plates 10 more drinks 10 more chairs 10 more favors. my dad has not done the math yet but plates alone are 185 a person at this venue. nobody asked them. my mother is going to have a stroke when she finds out and i havent told her yet because i dont know what to do.

i left and went to my sisters. he keeps calling and texting saying im being dramatic and i need to come home so we can "figure it out together" which is rich because together is exactly what we havent been doing.

the worst part isnt even the people. its that he made me cut my own family while protecting his moms feelings. its that he has been lying for four months while i sat across from him agonizing over a list he already knew was a fiction. its that his ex's PARENTS and her aunt and uncle are going to be sitting in my reception watching me get married to him and apparently that is fine with everyone but me.

i love him. i do. but i dont know what i am supposed to do with this. the wedding is in 9 days. half my guests have already flown in or are flying in this week. the rehearsal dinner is thursday.

am i overreacting if i tell him she gets uninvited or i walk. i feel like im about to ruin everything and i dont know if its him or me thats actually doing it.

AIO???

for some context me and my boyfriend moved in together in a new flat in august. today when i was getting ready i noticed a black skirt behind/under my drawers. our wardrobes are built in and sometimes stuff gets stuck behind/under the bottom drawer. (i’ve attached a picture to help show) they’re a bit dusty and definitely not mine ):

i’m confused how they’re there because i’ve roughly checked behind my draw before and never found it, but i would just reach my hand behind the draw and grab what I could instead of looking properly like I did this time, so I’m worried if a different girl left it there whilst i was away. the thing is if my boyfriend did want to cheat i don’t know why he would do it here since it’s extremely obvious that this is a couples flat and would be hard to hide all of my girly stuff. but i also know that a man used to live here (strangely one of my boyfriends friends knew the past owner of this flat), but i think maybe a woman used to live here previously since we’ve gotten letters addressed to (what i think) is a woman’s name, but it’s a chinese name so im not 100% sure. i’m going to see if i can find a letter with her name on to check.

the only other suspicious thing i found was what im 90% sure were a different woman’s panties a few days after my mother in law stayed over. i showed my boyfriend and he said they were probably his mums since she bought stuff from primark and those pants were from primark but they were size XS and i don’t think that’s his mums size.. he said they’re probably from my friend who slept over for a few days but i haven’t asked her yet because im scared and embarrassed to ask if she left pants here because if they’re not hers then that’s really suspicious );

what should i do? i know if i ask him he’ll just say they must of been the past owners, but i don’t know. i feel extra anxious because i have roughly checked behind my drawers before and never found them which is strange ): although this time i did check more thoroughly );

EDIT: Thank you for your help and sorry for the spelling mistakes, I’m feeling a lot less anxious now and thinking that these are a super old skirt from a past tenants since they’re from topshop which closed in 2021
also they won’t fit my boyfriend so he’s not cross dressing lol

Sorry if this post is formatted horribly, I’ve never made a reddit post before and I’m doing this over the phone 😞

For context, My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now at the end of this month. We met online as teens and started talking intently before a few breaks in between due to fights or strain etc etc but we always ended up drawn back to each other even though we were in two different cities and had nearly two hours between us. As I’m writing this I realize now that I did a lot of heavy lifting for our early relationship given the situation he was in but I genuinely thought this would flourish into a long standing love, I was especially inexperienced since I’d never been with any men but him and he seemed to genuinely love me. I used to get uber s to and from his place and get him rides to my place and back because he wasn’t really working due to his home life situation and after a while he moved in to stay with me and my mom because he got kicked out of his place. Since then we’ve been living together and we’ve had quite a few ups and downs; A lot of online cheating from his side and hysterics from mine. I hated him for talking to girls online in flirtatious ways but I felt I couldn’t completely disregard my bad behavior and how absent I had been with him at times. The cheating never progressed past texts but it always made me feel horrible and insecure even though he’d try to reassure me that it was only the attention aspect that made him do it. At this point it feels like one of these has happened every year since we started and on top of that he’s still in pretty close contact with an ex he’s been “friends” with online since they were like 15, so his first love. His phone stopped working around a month ago so he’s been using mine and logged into all of his accounts there, when he finally got a new one he logged out of his snap but not his instagram (the only place they really talk that I know of) and yesterday while receiving a call I get a notification with the words “It’s inappropriate but I like you” on it. From his ex. Obviously snooping is never a good idea but i’ve been given permission to go through his phones before and the message genuinely just struck me across the face before I realized I was opening it, everything you read is the conversation they were having. I feel partially bad exposing her vent but at the same time I don’t think she feels as bad about telling my boyfriend she likes him :/ so I can’t really have too much empathy for her here.

I think i’m going to confront him today but I wanna be sure i’m not just jumping to conclusions again because i’ve been known to do that.

TLDR; Bf is still acting all normal and being abnormally sweet with me meanwhile these texts are being received from his ex, Am i cooked?

Friend is getting married. A friend I’ve known for a very long time, but haven’t seen in over half a decade. I’m in the bridal party. I just found out I need surgery in the next month or two. The bach is in August. I explained to the bride that I was stressed about it because I just started new jobs last month, and just found out I need corrective surgery asap. I’m also the only person in the wedding traveling from a long ways away to be there, so it’s costing me so much money to even attend. I’ve expressed financial concern too. Her fiancé offered to pay for my ticket and the bachelorette stay. He asked me to not tell anyone, including my friend soon to be his wife. I told him it’s not just about the money, but I literally cannot make it anymore.

I told her sister, the maid-of-honor, today. Her response was:

“Hi X, I’m sorry to hear about your surgery.

Just to be clear, we all agreed on the price and the dates for the bachelorette ahead of time, and everyone committed based on those arrangements. I can ask the group if anyone is willing to contribute more to help cover your portion, but realistically I don’t think that’s likely since the costs were agreed upon in advance.

I completely understand that plans can change, but if there was uncertainty about your availability, it would have been helpful to mention that from the beginning so we could have planned accordingly. At this point, it’s difficult to adjust the costs for everyone else after everything has already been booked and agreed to.

Because the expenses were planned and split based on everyone’s commitment, we’re still expecting each person to cover the portion they originally agreed to. I hope you can understand that it wouldn’t be fair to pass those costs on to the rest of the group after the arrangements have already been made.”

To which I explained that I literally had no idea I’d need surgery. And she doubled down saying I need to pay her asap.

Am I overreacting? I’m so angry, but I also get where she’s coming from. This is going to cost me upwards at least $800-900. When I can’t even attend because I will be HEALING. I don’t even want to go to the wedding anymore. I feel like it’ll just be uncomfortable.

My now ex-boyfriend and I were together for eight months, and he’s acting like I completely overreacted for ending things, but I honestly feel like I ignored red flags for way too long.

One of the first things that bothered me happened literally after our first date. He started making “I’m gonna break up with you” jokes. I told him pretty early on that those jokes made me uncomfortable and anxious, but he kept doing it throughout the relationship anyway. Sometimes during arguments, sometimes randomly, sometimes over tiny things.

He also constantly called me stupid. If I misunderstood something, forgot something small, or got emotional during a conversation, he’d call me “stupid” or “slow.” Then if I got upset, suddenly I “couldn’t take a joke.”

Another thing that really hurt was him telling me I “wasn’t sit-down dinner material.” I genuinely still don’t know what that was even supposed to mean, but it felt insulting and degrading.

He also made jokes about cheating on me, saying stuff like he could cheat and I “wouldn’t even break up with him.” Which honestly felt so arrogant and disrespectful. Like why are you joking about betraying me in the first place?

Then there was the fact that he tried hiding message conversations with a girl he used to like. I wasn’t even snooping through his phone or anything — he just started acting weird and secretive about it, which obviously made me uncomfortable. When I brought it up, he acted like I was crazy for being bothered.

Over time I started feeling anxious all the time around him. I felt like I had to watch what I said so I wouldn’t get insulted or mocked, and every time I tried communicating my feelings, I somehow became the problem.

When I finally told him that I thought it would be best if we broke up, his response was basically, “Well, what a waste of eight months then,” and then he hung up on me.

AIO?

Hey everyone,

I (30F) am at a loss. My boyfriend (24M) put his Mum on speaker during an argument. I stated that it was odd that he hasnt told his ex-roommate/family friend about us and it has been 6 months. His Mum reiterated that he is not obligated to tell her that he has a girlfriend as they are not close.

However he shared a room and bed with her for 6 months. She still drops off food at his place every now and then. He even though of askung her to deliver a game to his place during our break.

Back to his conversation with his Mum she went on about how I was the first girlfriend he has indtroduced to the family. He then started having a mental breakdown. I tried to hug him and calm him down. He then ran off into moving cars.

I lost all feelings and patience at that point. He then said only I would feel sad about the situation.

Moving forward and if I date someone new, is it reasonable to expect?

Thanks

Reupload because I did a terrible job editing out all the names 😬

Me(36f) and my wife(46f) have been together since I was 18 and she was 28. It was long distance. When I met her in person, I didn't feel much spark, but figured a strong friendship is more important than feelings of romance or attraction. We broke up once during long distance, but fell back into dating.

I moved across the country to live with her at 18. Married at 20 at her dying father's wish. I got pregnant at 23 (she's trans) and we moved back to be closer to my family. (We were living in a state with no family, not hers either)

She's a chef, I'm an illustrator. Shortly after our kid was born, I told her that I could support us both now if she wanted to be a stay at home parent. We did that for a few years, though I did end up being the primary parent anyway, doing almost all of the stuff for our toddler. She did all the cooking, we both did cleaning

Finances got rough, so she went back to work for a couple years, until things got better, and I told her it was ok to quit again. We struggled in the expensive state where we lived and moved to a cheaper one where I had other family.

Ultimately, I ended up having to work 8-ish hours a day with no days off to make ends meet. I was still the primary parent, so after working and spending time with my son everyday, I had very little free time. While my wife spent 1 to 3 hours on chores and driving us places each day. After doing this for 5 years I told my wife I was struggling and I needed her to please start working again.

She was reluctant, understandably scared about entering the work force again. But I was disappointed that she looked for a job for a couple weeks, then gave up. I didn't want her to feel nagged, though, so I dropped it.

A bit later, I broke off our relationship.

Resentment probably had something to do with it. But what I told her is that I never felt that spark, she's my best friend and I'm happy to have shared my life with her, but I want to be single for the first time in my adult life. It's a dick thing to do. She wanted to know why I just kept going if I didn't feel romance and attraction, but I think at 18 I didn't know if romance was a Thing I could Feel or if friendship was just the same thing. I was having feelings now for someone I knew, a creative partner I met online, and realizing that friendship and romance are different. And I selfishly wanted to pursue that.

Anyways, we decided to stay roommates and co-parent together. I kept struggling, we both started dating other people. Over a year later, I ask her again to look for work. She started putting in applications, but complained about it often, saying that she won't have time or energy to pursue her passions once she's working.

Which hurt because it felt like her saying that working DOES kinda suck, and that she knew my life was worse for having to do so much of it, but that she valued her own comfort and freedom over mine

Our plan was, once she gets a job, to stay roommates. And she would take over her car payment, insurance, and her credit card bills. While I continue paying household costs, rent, food, utilities, everything for our son, and my own stuff.

Unexpectedly, she started making plans to move in with one of her long distance gfs, and told me how much she would like in alimony for the next 8 years

I was shocked, because we'd been planning for me to keep paying the majority of our costs instead of alimony. Sharing one a household would be cheaper for both of us. When telling me about the new alimony plan, she didn't even express concern for how much more I would have to work to support the household myself and also pay alimony

I said we should consult a lawyer on amount and she was offended I didn't trust her.

We argued for ages, with me saying how hurt I'd felt when I asked her to find work before and she didn't try even tho I was still struggling, and her saying that we supported each other equally, and I'm like...ok but can you honestly say that, looking at your daily schedule and mine, and say that it's equitable?

She said my new gf has corrupted me into a greedy person and all I care about now is money. She says that I stole her youth and home and career, and wasted her life. That she's gained confidence now, and I can't bully her into feeling the way I want her to feel. She called me her abuser. She says I have power over her because I'm the one earning money, so she feels unsafe, like I might kick her out of the house. I've never given her any reason to think I would do that.. I've paid my brother's rent for years because I think everyone deserves a home, and bought him video games and stuff because everyone deserves fun shit too. I only say this because my wife knows this stuff, she should know that's my values and how I behave. She calls me her emotional abuser even though I've always been careful and kind in the way I speak to her.

She tells people I attacked her over alimony (the screenshots) and that she's done being bullied by me.

I'm honestly devastated. I'm drinking more lately, and when I'm not drinking, i can't stop thinking about this. She wants to go back to normal and being best friends, and I try, but all I can think about is these horrible things she thinks about me. I haven't been perfect, and I know those years we were married she could have been building a life with someone else. So maybe that was selfish of me. But we had a kid, and she had 7+ years with lots of free time to pursue her hobbies. I never regretted our life, but now I'm wondering if she's right.

AIO?

I need some outside perspective because I genuinely don’t know whether I was completely wrong here or whether there is more context that matters.

My fiancé and I have been together for several years and have a toddler together. He proposed about 4 weeks ago.

For some background, the last year has been very stressful. He works a physically demanding factory job involving heavy lifting, often in very hot conditions. He has had health issues in the past, including heart-related concerns, struggles with extreme fatigue, and has previously told me about falling asleep at the wheel and even falling asleep while eating. He also has significant debt problems which have been causing him a lot of stress. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and takes medication, which has helped in some areas. He also suspects he may be autistic, although he has not had a formal assessment or diagnosis for autism.

Throughout our relationship, one issue that has repeatedly hurt me is that during major arguments he has sometimes talked about leaving the relationship or being better off alone. We also had a serious incident in the past that involved police being called after an argument. We stayed together and tried to move forward, but it left a mark on the relationship.

I am not perfect either. I tend to bottle things up until I reach breaking point instead of addressing them early.

Over the last few months I have been feeling increasingly overwhelmed. I work, look after our toddler, manage a lot of the planning and emotional side of family life, and have been trying to support him through his debt, health concerns and stress. I reached a point where I felt emotionally exhausted.

A few days ago I finally tried to have a conversation with him about how I was feeling. I wasn’t saying he was a bad person or a bad father. I was trying to explain that I was struggling and felt like I needed more emotional support.

During that conversation I also shared a very dark thought I had recently had because of how overwhelmed I felt. It was something I had never told him before and it took a lot for me to be that vulnerable.

The conversation did not go how I hoped. He became defensive and at one point said he was better off alone.

This hit me incredibly hard because one of my deepest fears in the relationship has always been him talking about leaving during difficult conversations. When he proposed, I genuinely thought we had reached a place where I could raise concerns without feeling like the relationship was at risk.

I was devastated. I cried for a long time.

Eventually I took off my engagement ring and handed it back to him.

At the time, in my mind, I wasn’t saying “I don’t love you” or “I don’t want to marry you.” I felt heartbroken and honestly thought his words meant he was ending things anyway.

However, he sees it completely differently. From his perspective, handing back the ring was me rejecting him, humiliating him and effectively ending the engagement.

Since then things have escalated badly. He has said the relationship ended the moment I handed back the ring. He has said I will never get the ring back, that even if we stay together he would never marry me, and that he plans to move out.

We have both said hurtful things during arguments since then. I’m not pretending I handled everything perfectly.

So my question is:

Was handing back the ring after only 4 weeks of being engaged an unforgivable act?

If your partner told you they were better off alone immediately after you had opened up about struggling and shared something deeply vulnerable, how would you interpret that?

I’m genuinely looking for honest opinions, even if you think I was completely in the wrong.

Edit: we’re both dads (gay).

I came home from work and my husband had people in our backyard discussing and measuring where a pool would go. He didn’t tell me anyone was coming or that this would be happening. I was confused and angry but he said if it were to happen it would take months anyway if it was possible and that they were only here to assess if it was possible.

I’m frustrated and angry because he hasn’t spoken to me about this at all and didn’t think he had to because they were only assessing if it was possible. Well explain that to two kids under 10 who think this is going happen, our 3 year old has been asking non stop.

Our state is cold af more than half the year so I don’t understand how this could work. On top of that my husband works so much and for the past week he’s been coming home at 9pm when both our kids are asleep anyway. He wouldn’t be the one dealing with supervising the kids and making sure they don’t drown because he isn’t even home anyway.

We got into an argument because he could take our kids with him when he goes swimming, there’s a great place less than 10 minutes away from us but that would actually involve parenting and supervising them.

But apparently I’m now the villain because the kids know now.

Basically the title. My girlfriend’s been staying up in the other room at weird hours every night, 3, 4, sometimes 5am. She said she plays this online game where you build a city, attack people, etc. It’s mostly social, you talk to people, make guilds and so on.

I let it slide for about three weeks. I’d go to bed, she’d stay in there playing, chatting, laughing. But yesterday I got curious and asked her to show me what’s so interesting about it. She was fine with it, no problem. But looking around I notice her inbox is completely full. She’d even uploaded a cropped pic of her ID to prove she’s a woman (but deleted it after some ppl saw it), but no other photos.

Then I see all these flirty messages. Guys hitting on her with “come for a hug” “hello beautiful,” that kind of thing, and she answers and keeps the chat going. Turns out she’s found a few rich guys who’ve spent big money on the game, so they help her out a lot. There’s one she talks to constantly, asking all about his life, his personality, what he does. She even asked him to show her places he’s traveled, so they moved to another app to chat anonymously.

On there she’s super into it, every message has “🤣🤣🤣” on it. Mind you this is 3am, during what should be our time together. She keeps cracking jokes, telling him how smart he is, asking how he got rich and how he has time for the game. At one point he sends a pic of his eyes to “prove” he’s not sleepy. Then he sends a half naked pic, neck down to his stomach, big tattoo across his whole chest. And instead of shutting it down she just keeps chatting, even compliments him with “interesting tattoo,” and carries on flirting. To me that’s heavy flirting and honestly it’s made me kind of repulsed by her. My stomach hurts just thinking about it.

Her side is that she just wants someone to talk to. She doesn’t go out much, and in the game she can be a funnier, wittier, more confident version of herself. She doesn’t see any of it as flirting. She says if the guy were “normal” he’d take it that way, but he’s different, he’s like her, and just wants to talk with nothing romantic behind it.

I tried to explain that pouring hours of emotional energy into another man, during intimate hours, asking about his life and experiences, isn’t exactly “not flirting,” especially with the tone and the back and forth. She then said she likes getting validation from other men because it makes her feel good and supposedly makes her want to be more sexual with me. Which, what?

Here’s the thing. In two years of living together we both work from home, so we’re together 24/7, and she never had needs like this before. It started after she began Zoloft for depression (an SSRI). She also said she’s been missing Tinder. I brushed that off and said she’s obviously not making one while she’s with me. For context, Tinder was anonymous too, but that’s where we met. We chatted, she gave me her real socials, and we ended up together.

So her logic is that because it’s anonymous she can do whatever she wants, and since she doesn’t think she’s flirting back, it’s not cheating. I see it differently. If guys flirt with her and she keeps it going and even compliments them, that’s more than enough to count as flirting back, even if she never says anything outright romantic.

TLDR: Caught my girlfriend chatting with men late at night on a game and then on an anonymous app, including with a rich guy who sent her a half naked pic. She keeps the convos going, jokes around, and compliments them, but says it’s not flirting and not cheating because it’s anonymous and she’s “just talking" and also that she "likes talking and getting to know people". She said she can't stop completely as it makes her feel good but if i say she will stop it (she won't). Started after she went on Zoloft. I think it’s flirting. Am I wrong?

Edit: In her opinion she is thinking on higher level than normal person, doesn't have ego and thats why she complimented the tattoo half naked photo, because she likes art, also she says it looks like flirting from objective point of view but nobody can see her point of view which is higher level - meaning she just wants to chat with people and hear interesting things.

I (M23) have been going out with my girlfriend (F21) for seven months or so. Before we met, she'd planned to go travelling around Europe for three months from May to August with three friends from university (two guys and a girl). A long break like this isn't ideal so early on, but I was never going to prevent her plans.

She's been gone for about two weeks and seems to be having a great time. We have been FaceTiming roughly every three days and messaging in-between that.

However, when we spoke yesterday and were catching up on what she'd been doing, she told me that the previous night, they all went skippy dipping. I was kind of caught off guard and asked for a few more details. In effect, they were all at a secluded beach, had a few drinks and as they didn't have any swimwear, went skinny dipping for a bit, splashed around and then went back.

I told her it made me uncomfortable and that she shouldn't be casually naked around other guys when in a relationship. She responded that I was being ridiculous and that it wasn't sexual; they were simply having fun and it was the "freedom of travelling". She called me a jerk for thinking that being naked "has to be a sexual act" and that there was no touching or anything of the sort involved.

I doubled down and said it wasn't appropriate and would rather she didn't going forward. She called me a controlling jerk and we haven't spoken since then.

In my eyes, she's an attractive girl surrounded by two single guys (and one who she had a short fling with a few years ago) and they would have obviously been checking her out. I don't expect her to cover up and don't care that she wears skimpy bikinis around them but I also feel it's reasonable to feel she's overstepped a boundary.

AIO and should apologize?

I (24F) am a stay-at-home mom to our 6-month-old baby. My husband is the sole income earner, and I take care of our baby full-time at home.

Recently, both of our phones started having issues around the same time—glitching, freezing, and becoming harder to use. I mentioned multiple times that my phone was getting worse, but I wasn’t very direct at first about needing a replacement.

Instead of addressing both phones, my husband chose to upgrade his phone to the newest model for himself.

After that, I brought it up again and said my phone was also still getting worse and needed to be replaced. He got annoyed and told me I was only bringing it up because he upgraded his.

Over the next couple months, my phone kept deteriorating to the point where it constantly freezes, apps crash, and for some reason just never take a picture (which is really bothering me since I want to document every moment with my son)

Eventually I got overwhelmed and cried to him about it, and only then did he agree to upgrade my phone. But then the next day said I would get a cheaper model, not the same one he has.

When I said I wanted the same model he upgraded to, he got upset and told me I should be happy for him, support him, and accept the cheaper option since I would be saving our family money.

It’s now been two weeks and nothing has been decided.

I feel hurt because this isn’t really about the phone—it feels like a pattern where he upgrades his own things without question, but when I need something, I’m expected to settle for a lower version or justify it.

AIO for feeling upset that he gets the newest/best version of things, but I’m expected to compromise even when our needs are the same?

Growing up my grandma made the BEST zucchini bread. To this day zucchini bread reminds me of summer sleepovers and her hugs. She passed away a few years ago and I miss her terribly. Only over the last few months has my aunt has been attempting to recreate her recipes because they were so delicious and special.

We visited my hometown last week and my aunt gave me a loaf of zucchini to take home with us Sunday evening. My husband and I had a slice in the car and I told him about how nostalgic it made me feel and how special it was to me. He enjoyed hearing stories about my grandma and her cooking.

I’ve had a few slices since then, wanting to savor it as long as possible. There was about half of the loaf left when I went to sleep last night, but this morning when I went to have some for breakfast I discovered that my partner helped himself to it and left it uncovered. It’s now hard and stale and I’m pissed!

When my partner woke up , I showed him the bread and said it was extremely disrespectful to let my food go bad. He got defensive and said since he buys most of the food for the household (not even true) it’s not a big deal. He also said that there was far too many nuts in the bread so it wasn’t even good and he didn’t understand why I was making such a big deal about it. I told him that in general he is far too wasteful of food, leaving leftovers out overnight not covering baked desserts etc and we’ve talked about that but for him to let something so familial go to waste is heartbreaking.

He started slamming cabinets and shouting that I was being ridiculous over bread and left for work while I’m trying to salvage what I can of my aunt’s gift. To me it’s not just about the bread but AIO?

My boyfriend (M20) keeps telling me I’m not allowed to bring up concerns about his shady behavior with other girls unless I have "100% facts" and "clear as day" evidence, otherwise I’m just being stressful. He said I can’t confront him if I don’t catch him cheating. But the second I even mention another guy, he tries to break up with me over "bad intentions" before I’ve even sent a text. Like if I’m friends with them and tell him, he thinks I have bad intentions when I tell him about any guy who hmu. He also thinks a guy talking and texting girls who like him behind his GF's back isn't "break up worthy" because we don't know his intentions.

Mind u, people have been telling me he likes a girl / is cheating

I (27f) and my friend (26f), lets call her Anna. Anna and I have been friends since kindergarten, and we've been inseparable all the way up until I turned 15. Just to give a little background, during our school I was heavily bullied, I was held back a year due to having ADHD, and she was my only friend for YEARS.

I moved school, and we were separated for over a year. Here I began making other friends, something I'm quite proud of, but even as I made other friends she always managed to worm her way into those friendship herself. There's been a lot of drama between us, and I was a very oblivious child/teen with only one friend, so I thought it normal that if you have a disagreement, then you'd be ignored for a few months, only for her to return like nothing happened.

For a lot of years I took it upon myself to make her happy again, trying to text her, talk with her, in general doing anything I could to get her to talk with me again. It worked sometimes, other times it didn't. I rarely ever learned what I did wrong during those periods of times, because she always adamantly denies ever being mad or ignoring me.

Now about 6 years ago I moved an hour and a half away for a study opportunity, and to some that wouldn't sound far away, but I'm from a quite small country and most people here sees anything above 1 hour car rides as a long ride. In the first 2 years I saw her maybe about 15 times here when I invited her, I was maybe invited to her place 5 times. Then over then next years it turns less and less, and now I haven't seen her since about a year ago.

To the problem, I got pregnant with my husband in april last year, and had a beautiful baby girl in January. During all this time I have not heard from her, she hasn't texted, called or congratulated me. She also didn't acknowledge when I got married, it was a small ceremony with only close family. I always make sure to congratulate her on whatever accomplishments she manages.

My younger sister (25f) got pregnant 4 months before me, and for her my friend showed up, gave maternity gifts, and popped by when my sisters son was born. Now I don't mind her showing up for my sister, I thought it really sweet, but I'm just maybe overthinking why my supposed best friend doesn't want to meet my kid. She was invited to the babyshower, but didn't want to come for reasons I don't actually know.

In about a month were holding a party/gathering to celebrate the name of our girl, and I want to invite all of my friends from my hometown, but I don't particularly want to invite her. I've tried talking with her about why she acts the way she does, but every time she just shuts it down by saying she either isn't mad, she doesn't remember, or it didn't happen. The problem lies in the fact that she's friends with my other friends I want to invite, we were kind of a group, so it would only be her I'm excluding.

AIO?

I'm sorry if some sentences doesn't make sense, English is my second language, and I'm just typing this on the go.

I have been accommodating a friend from an other city for now 4 weeks and it’s really starting to irritate me. It started when he was wanting to cook everyday but left a big mess every time that i was the only one cleaning up. At some point its was getting so out of hand that the food smell (he over use garlic) was lingering for many days so i had to do a 4hrs deep clean. I didn’t let him cook after that. He cant even clean properly as i seen that when he cleans a pan, he doesn’t clean the handle and leaves it all greasy.

The other thing that is really putting me in a rageful mood is that he uses my towel after he showers(and i wonder if he even uses soap) when he got his own towel that he brought with him. There is a washer and dryer at his disposition if he needs it too.

He one day decided to trim his beard on the toilet sink and i heard him rince it out but when i came in the bathroom i found a bunch of hairs still laying around. An other day he decided to oil up his scalp and then started touching a bunch of stuff with his greasy hands.

Now im starting to get irritated at every little things he does like the way he opens my fridge without using the handle and leaves his greasy hand prints all over, the way he doesn’t use door handles and leaves dirty hand prints on my doors, the way he drips stuff around the house(food and drinks), the fact he puts his stinky feet on my velvet accent armchair.

I finally told him he needs to find new accommodation and he is leaving tomorrow so i am very relieved but im really wondering if i am exaggerating as a host or is this things that a guest should pay attention to… knowing that he literally arrived in a very spotless place to begin with.

Hello Reddit, I (33M) currently live with my partner (30M). we’ve been together about 2 years and he owns the house. It’s a modest 2 bedroom house and suits us just fine. When I first moved in, his ex was still was still living with him and occupied one of the two bedrooms (my bf has the master which takes the entire upstairs floor). The ex wasn’t supposed to still be there when I moved in but for reasons that are too long to tell in this story, he ended up being there for an additional year after I moved in. Which meant for a year I didn’t have my own bedroom, just a small 80sqft space I set up as my office. My bf and I are both people that prefer having their own rooms to sharing one. Not having my own bed or place for my clothes, and having that space be occupied by his ex instead, really did a number on my confidence.

I also unfortunately have trauma from my mother and one of the things I struggle with is feeling like I’m allowed to take space and that I’m not a burden. This combined with the ex thing made it really hard for me to finally accept my new room when he did move out, but I was also super excited cause I trusted my boyfriend. I’ve had my own bed and room for about 5 months now.

Earlier today, his folks swung by unexpectedly. I was in the yard doing some work so after welcoming them, I made them some smoothies, hung out, and eventually excused myself to continue the yard work. His mom jokingly quipped “You’re going to have to start paying him a wage with all this work he’s doing!” I chuckled a bit until my boyfriend cut in “I do give him a wage, it’s all the extra personal space he gets!”. His parents lightly chuckled in response but I was just left a little stunned. My office and bedroom ARE 2 separate rooms, and while I’m totally content with the sizes and have made them work, they’re pretty small rooms. His ‘joke’ about me working for my rooms just dredged up all my insecurities and when I told him this, he threw his arms up in exhasperation and said “what’s the point in reassuring you if one little comment I made by mistake ruins all of it?”, which again just made me feel like a burden.
He knows my parents abused me, he knows that accepting taking space is something I struggle with. He‘s apologized and said he was just uncomfortable with his mom’s quip but through no fault of my own I found my insecurity being the butt of a joke to his parents. It’s also not true, I measured the rooms and he actually has more square footage than I do. I just prefer a clean spacious look and he prefers a cozy busy look so his room appears smaller, it just has more stuff in it. I do also pay rent. One of my close friends said this was a nothing burger and that I’m overreacting. I think I’m right to be pretty mad but I turn to Reddit to set me straight if I’m not. AIO?

My girlfriend (late 20s) and I (late 20s) have been dating for a little over 7 months.

I have a female friend whom I've known since college, and I've been looking forward to introducing her to my girlfriend for a while. My friend was visiting my city and staying at a hotel very close to my apartment. We made plans for all three of us to go see a movie together.

My girlfriend lives closer to the movie theater. Before the movie, I told her that I can pick her up. She said she'd rather drive herself, which was completely fine. Since my friend's hotel was near my apartment, I picked her up and drove her to the theater.

The three of us watched the movie together. During the movie, my gf threatened to leave the theatre because she thought it was inappropriate for me to pick my friend up. She told me that she thinks it's inappropriate for me to be picking up "random girls" and said I should have checked with her first. She's now talking about breaking up over this. She left home in her car straight after the movie.

From my perspective, this wasn't a random person—it was a longtime friend, my girlfriend knew who she was, and the whole point of the outing was for them to meet each other. I also offered to pick up my girlfriend first, and she chose to drive herself.

I can understand that maybe I could have communicated better or explicitly mentioned that I'd be picking up my friend, but I'm struggling to understand whether I crossed a major relationship boundary here.

AIO for thinking that threatening to end the relationship over this is an overreaction? Or am I missing something and was I actually in the wrong for picking up my friend without checking with my girlfriend first?

For context:
I am in a male dominated career and the only female on my crew. There’s been no issues at work as I get along great with everyone and, in general, feel highly respected. I can’t really be a full “bro” with the guys as they are all married and I believe it’d be inappropriate to socialize outside of a group setting when not at work.

Situation:
Each year we can “bid” for a specific assignment by seniority. I’m a newer employee at this company so I don’t have much seniority. Last year nobody wanted my current assignment “because it sucks”. I told several people I would bid for the same spot and heard nothing about anyone else wanting it. At least not until the supervisor announced the next fiscal year assignments in front of the entire crew.
The supervisor asked why he didn’t say anything and my coworker answered with a laugh, “Once I got the facts, I wanted her to be surprised.” Everyone else on the crew had apparently heard something about my coworker putting in for my assignment but nearly all of them thought he was joking as he showed no serious interest. I was the only one completely blindsided from the announcement.
Our supervisor told him to say something prior to the announcements and he still chose not to. Granted I wouldn’t have been necessarily happy either way but my real issue is him not having enough respect for me to even mention it. What’s even better is that our supervisor also agrees the coworker would have told anyone else on the crew directly if it had been their assignment.
This incident has resulted in tension as I have changed my behavior with said coworker to be strictly professional. No more joking, no more goofing around, just work. My work relationship with the other guys hasn’t been impacted, we still joke around and everything.
We are in a career where my coworker and I have had to protect each other in dangerous situations and we could one day take a bullet for each other. Because of this, we have a deeper level of respect for one another, or so I thought. For him to intentionally not tell me so I would be “surprised” and laugh about it felt like a slap to the face. The other guys told him he’s screwed and threw around the comment “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. The only reason I can think of as to why he did was to intentionally make me mad.
This coworker has never given on any sexist vibes and I hate even thinking this could be a possibility but idk… am I overreacting?

​My girlfriend (24F) and I (23M) have been together for about 6 months. Lately, we’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch and having some recurring arguments. A few nights ago, after a particularly frustrating fight, I texted my mom to vent. My mom is my rock, and I just needed to talk to someone I trust to get some perspective and clear my head. I didn't say anything cruel, but I was brutally honest about how frustrated I was feeling.

​Fast forward to last night. I fell asleep on the couch, leaving my phone on the coffee table. I woke up around midnight to my girlfriend upset.

​It turns out she took my phone while I was dead asleep and went straight to my texts. She read the entire conversation between me and my mom.

She then proceeded to not understand why what she did was wrong. I just feel like she went behind my back and betrayed my trust by reading texts not meant for her. On top of that, I deliberately didnt tell her the names of my exes because thats none of her business. She found out all of their names last night and got upset by it.

Am I overreacting?

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We have great chemistry and we are best friends. Unfortunately, we have also had a lot of issues and fighting. He made a few poor choices throughout our relationship with a female coworker (nothing physical, just emotional validation and closeness and lying) and I gave him chances and asked him to make changes and respect my boundaries. He didn’t put in the work and he didn’t change or respect my boundaries after he broke my trust.

We have been fighting about this same situation for over a year now because it’s never actually been resolved. A few days ago, I saw him after almost a week, and his energy was off. He wasn’t being affectionate or anything, and it really hurt my feelings so I expressed my needs. He blew up and it turned into him panicking and spiraling and wanting to break up then stay together and ultimately asking for a break.

He wants a no contact break and he wouldn’t tell me for how long. He said he carries a lot of guilt and pain and resentment over his mistakes and actions. He said he wants space so he can reflect and start to work on himself to love me better.

I have been devastated and lost and blind sided by this. Is this repairable?? I am in shock and agony because I am in a horrible state of limbo. I know I want to repair this but he might not want to. I am afraid he will just leave or ghost me. Am I overreacting?? I’m losing it.

TLDR; boyfriend blindsided me with a no contact break after fighting too much

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. We are currently in couples counseling for several issues, but one thing I’ve been struggling with for years is his gaming.

I want to be clear: I don’t care that he plays video games. I think everyone deserves hobbies and time with friends. My issue is how much of his free time seems to revolve around gaming.

If he’s off work, I’d estimate that around 90% of his free time is spent playing. Even when we’re both off together, we’ll spend some time together and then he’ll say something like, “The boys are on, I’m gonna go play,” and he’ll spend the rest of the night gaming while I’m by myself.

What hurts isn’t necessarily the gaming itself, it’s that I often feel like I’m competing with it for his attention.

For example, if I call him while he’s gaming and try to talk about something important, he’ll often be talking to his friends at the same time, yelling callouts, and saying things like, “Sorry, very intense game.” If I get frustrated and say never mind, he’ll tell me he’s listening, but it doesn’t feel like he is fully present with me.

Another example is that I often have to convince him to go out and do things with me, but he’ll sometimes do similar things with friends without hesitation, which makes me feel unwanted or like I’m not a priority.

I’ve tried explaining that I don’t need all of his attention and I don’t want him to quit gaming. I just want to feel like there are times when I come first and that spending time with me isn’t something he squeezes in between games.

For people who game a lot or have been in relationships with gamers, does this sound like a normal hobby balance, or does it sound like gaming is negatively impacting the relationship? How would you approach this?