r/AmIOverreacting • u/Resident-Ability9313 • 7h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for thinking my bf never loved me after seeing his texts with an Ex?
Sorry if this post is formatted horribly, I’ve never made a reddit post before and I’m doing this over the phone 😞
For context, My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now at the end of this month. We met online as teens and started talking intently before a few breaks in between due to fights or strain etc etc but we always ended up drawn back to each other even though we were in two different cities and had nearly two hours between us. As I’m writing this I realize now that I did a lot of heavy lifting for our early relationship given the situation he was in but I genuinely thought this would flourish into a long standing love, I was especially inexperienced since I’d never been with any men but him and he seemed to genuinely love me. I used to get uber s to and from his place and get him rides to my place and back because he wasn’t really working due to his home life situation and after a while he moved in to stay with me and my mom because he got kicked out of his place. Since then we’ve been living together and we’ve had quite a few ups and downs; A lot of online cheating from his side and hysterics from mine. I hated him for talking to girls online in flirtatious ways but I felt I couldn’t completely disregard my bad behavior and how absent I had been with him at times. The cheating never progressed past texts but it always made me feel horrible and insecure even though he’d try to reassure me that it was only the attention aspect that made him do it. At this point it feels like one of these has happened every year since we started and on top of that he’s still in pretty close contact with an ex he’s been “friends” with online since they were like 15, so his first love. His phone stopped working around a month ago so he’s been using mine and logged into all of his accounts there, when he finally got a new one he logged out of his snap but not his instagram (the only place they really talk that I know of) and yesterday while receiving a call I get a notification with the words “It’s inappropriate but I like you” on it. From his ex. Obviously snooping is never a good idea but i’ve been given permission to go through his phones before and the message genuinely just struck me across the face before I realized I was opening it, everything you read is the conversation they were having. I feel partially bad exposing her vent but at the same time I don’t think she feels as bad about telling my boyfriend she likes him :/ so I can’t really have too much empathy for her here.
I think i’m going to confront him today but I wanna be sure i’m not just jumping to conclusions again because i’ve been known to do that.
TLDR; Bf is still acting all normal and being abnormally sweet with me meanwhile these texts are being received from his ex, Am i cooked?
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u/47837364838 6h ago
So cringe when low iq fuckboys try and act all poetic / deep / bring up morality
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u/MasticatingSheep 6h ago
That abyss comment gave me a visceral reaction. Haha. She should dump him just for being the kind of person who says stuff like that.
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u/ZephNightingale 6h ago
Seriously, I could not keep reading that crap.
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u/47837364838 6h ago
Honestly tho if his ex is dumb enough to not be grossed out by it there’re prob perfect for each other
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u/Lionheart_723 2h ago
She clearly wants to get back together and is testing the waters. And from the way they talk I would definitely cut ties and run.
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u/MassageToss 1h ago
Maybe initially, but I actually read it as her slowing way down as soon as she knew he was dating someone and he expressed more than platonic interest. In West coast speak he was like 'I wish I did things differently,' and she's like 'hey, it wasn't meant to be.' but he doesn't take the hint and keeps going.
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u/Lionheart_723 1h ago
I know it's inappropriate but I like you is platonic. Nah man she's fishin
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u/MassageToss 38m ago
omg, I thought she was saying, "hey, you're being inappropriate. However, I like you [as friends, not love you]". But regardless it doesn't really matter what she is doing, what he is doing is not ok. OP, he will probably also text you like this after you breakup when he's with someone else.
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u/Terrible_Shock_1128 44m ago
I’m going to have to agree here. I think initially she was testing the waters and then upon realizing he was dating somebody she seemed to shut it down(ish) though I still agree that OP is NOR and should leave because he clearly isn’t fully invested in OP. You should only have a partner you’re 100% for
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u/Silly_Durian_9280 4h ago
Reading these text messages made me cringe so bad, why are they talking like that😭
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u/daveatnite 2h ago
Between that an all of the terrible grammar, I was certain this was an exchange between two edgy 13 year olds. I'm still not convinced it isn't 😅
The way he talks like he is so deep and insightful gave me the ick more than the emotional cheating tbh
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u/Gxsxlle 5h ago
NOR "you'll be dearest in every life" is the fuckiest way for an immature man to leave a door open for emotional cheating. dont make yourself stay in a situation you're not fully wanted in
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u/beheafishtrapofman 4h ago
Yup. I’m glad he was clocked here so fast for his pretentious pseudo intellectual bullshit that boils down to him trying to leave door open to get in her pants. He’s just telling her what she wants to hear. I suspect he does that to everyone.
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u/notbefore8 5h ago
Was thinking the exact same thing “I am endlessly drifting through the abyss” what a fuckin’ guy!
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u/Equivalent_Pie8199 1h ago
He needs to float through indeed.com until he gets a JOB. What a freeloader. To say he “currently” has a partner while using her phone to send the message (probably on her mom’s wifi) is truly shameless.
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u/get_your_yapers_up 5h ago
She should dump him just because of how he talks. Reading this made me hate this pseudo intellectual.
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u/Major_Wigglesworth 5h ago
Homeboy ordered DoorDash for lunch and yet describes his life as a voidless abyss.
He’s deeper than the shallow end of the wading pool. How’s that for an abyss?
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u/South_Body_569 5h ago
Do you not understand the yearning emptiness in his soul after he had to choose what to order?
I hope he often stares intensely into the distance or out to sea, so people can understand his depth, the suffering and the poetry of his thoughts.
(Seriously, he sounds like a cock)
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u/Major_Wigglesworth 5h ago
I also regularly pontificate on the meaning of life and the futility of labor, but mostly I just argue with people on Reddit. That’s my own personal dark abyss. I guess it depends on how abyssy I feel that day.
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u/platypod1 5h ago
I have a personal rule that if a text message reads like a HIM lyric, the writer of that message is absolutely a low IQ fuckboy.
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u/Economy_Prune1870 2h ago
What exactly is a “fuckboy”? I’m a generation older than most here, and That term wasn’t used in the early 2000s during my college years. Back then, they called guys a “player” if he was saying these types of things to gals even though he really just wanted in their pants.
I appreciate anyone willing to help me understand the term. I’m not quite a “boomer”, but I see a lot of new terminology on here that wasn’t around 20-25 years ago.
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u/Stretchy_Mutt141 2h ago
Basically same thing. Lil weak ass men who only care about sex, wax poetic to women just to get in their pants.
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u/South_Body_569 5h ago
I wrote something like that. Then deleted it as I thought I was not being helpful. I agree. He sounds like a bit of a wanker who probably thinks himself far more intelligent and deep than he actually is.
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u/PembrokeLove 4h ago
Right? I am legit sitting here like… oh, okay… freshman English major strikes again?
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u/47837364838 4h ago
Avoiding answering if he’s in a relationship with some pseudo-existentialist bs is crazy work tbh
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u/jsenthesuperhero 6h ago
NOR. If he’s staying with you and your mom tell him to go live with this girl and her parents. I bet they’d love that. He’s using you for a place to stay while trying to secure his future with someone else.
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u/AngelusExitium 6h ago
I cannot speak on whether or not he loves you, but regardless of that, these texts are HIGHLY inappropriate, period. Especially if these weren’t shared with you or he spoke with you about it
I’m sorry luv 🫂 I can only imagine what it feels like to read these
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u/AngelusExitium 6h ago
Ok I just read your caption with the screenshots …. Girl… please. This is a known trend and it WILL NOT stop. People show you who they are in the beginning; it’s up to you whether or not you want to accept it. You deserve WAY better and I think you already know that 🤍
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u/Common-Brilliant-308 4h ago
yeah agreed those texts are really inappropriate regardless of anything else going on
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u/BigWeinerDemeanor 3h ago
Sorry to sound like an old fart but what is that emoji? What does it mean?
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u/LindseyLee5 3h ago
It’s a hug.
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u/BigWeinerDemeanor 2h ago
Omg thankyou. It always was said in a nice comment but I could not work out what the image is.
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u/dapplejuice 1h ago
Omg I always thought it was the silhouette of an old film camera
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u/dontaskbigman 6h ago edited 4h ago
NOR.
how can you be jumping to conclusion when his text explicitly says he could never love anyone—obviously including you, his supposed girlfriend—as much as he loved his ex? you’ve been together for three years and he’s saying shit like this despite all you’ve done for him, yet you’re on Reddit asking if you’re jumping to conclusions…
bffr and dump this man. it costs nothing to have some self respect.
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u/CompoundPasta 6h ago
NOR- y'all seem very young, but he needs to sort his shit out
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u/ViolaSwag 4h ago
Definitely, at the very least he’s clearly not ready to be a good partner to anyone else until he works through whatever is going on with this text chain
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u/victoriachaos11 4h ago
This. Until/unless he puts this woman behind him, or chooses to be with her, he is not capable of being anyone's "one and only".
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u/Spiritual-Skill-412 6h ago
Yeah I'd leave. He can have her then. NOR. Underreacting if you don't dump him
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 6h ago
I had lots of boyfriends in my twenties and thirties who said they loved me, but it wasn't actually till my 40s that I dated someone who truly loved me, and gosh, what a difference.
He thinks about me. He loves to talk to me. He is almost psychic and will know what I need before I even tell him. He's generous and supportive and actually admires me and even wants to be more like me in some ways.
I wish I could go back to my young self and tell her what love looks like, because--I would rather be single than ever go back to having to these guys who were using me as a placeholder, or at least had one foot out the door at all times.
I think the difference is actually that my current partner believes women are full people, and I think all of my past partners didn't totally believe women were 100% people the way that men are people.
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u/BriTiniMorgan 2h ago
This! I was in my early 30s when my fiancé and I started dating and my goodness, I genuinely didn’t know what love was until him. He was BEYOND worth the wait, even though I wish I met him earlier 😋
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u/Skipadee2 2h ago
Me too! I wish I could go back in time and tell my 20’s self to stop stressing over shitty relationships. My partner showed me what real love is and it genuinely makes me wonder if I was ever even loved before him. I’m so happy for you!!
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u/madtastic225 4h ago
Amen to that. I am 32 and also met the one who truly loves me about a year and some change ago. It’s a total game changer. He does the same things that you describe. He texts me all the time, and is so excited to come home each night from work. He buys me flowers for no reason besides to make me feel special. He’s always looking at me and telling me how beautiful I am and how lucky he is. Whatever I’m doing, he wants to do. He tells me how I make him want to be a better person. Any craft or art I whip out, he wants to do it too. Any outfit that I wear, he wants to wear a similar one. He catches guys looking at me all the time, and tells me that he likes it, because he can hold on to me and say that I’m allll his and no one can have me! He opens doors for me, he still brags about me to his friends, he’s constantly pumping me up, always listens to me. He’s a stand up guy, and an attractive one at that! I completely lucked out, but this is truly the first time I’ve been absolutely loved. Everyone should be able to have someone like that.
Before this, I was with a guy for 10 years, and he made me feel like nothing. I had not once ever received flowers from him. He had a hard time saying sorry, so I was usually to blame for every thing. He eventually met a girl online, and would play games with her, even though him and I would usually play. I was no longer invited anymore, and he would take her side. She’d make fun of me, and he would allow it to happen. They would talk on the phone until 4am while I waited for him in bed alone. They’d have private conversations that I wasn’t allowed to know about, and she even told him that he seemed happier without me, while I was visiting my dad for a weekend who was dying of cancer at the time. I gave him no reason to be that way. And it wasn’t my fault, he was selfish and wanted to eat his cake too. I left him for that. I got tired of being treated like silver, when I should have been gold. And he was furious. He’d make the worst jabs, and even messaged my family to tell them that none of this was his fault, and that I’m a bad person. lol. I wasted my 20’s on a man like that. I should have left him years ago. I just didn’t know that I deserved better. I didn’t know that there even WAS better out there. But there is!
It makes me sad to hear about stories like what OP has. And is willing to compromise her own happiness, like I did, just to be with someone who doesn’t deserve her. She’s given him a place to stay while he has no where to go, a phone to use as she sacrificed her own for him, and has been able to let him off the hook for cheating on her in the past. Trust me OP, this man is not worth your time, your attention, your love, and your grace. There are good guys out there that will not treat you like this. You deserve better OP!
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u/juzhu5899 2h ago
Oh you don’t know how much I needed your comment. I’m 32, I feel kind of stuck. I just left my partner of a few years because I felt like I am always guilty. When I cry there is no compassion. There is no attempt at healthy communication. And since years I’m suffering and constantly scrambling to pick up the pieces to our love and fix things because he isn’t adult enough. Of course I have my mistakes too. But I’m tired of begging and pleading and saying sorry when it wasn’t my fault in the first place. Because of his ego. Instead of talking to me he also gamed with someone online. Talked to her when I was asleep. I just left (for the third time). He doesn’t respect my choice usually and shows up at my door. This time I haven’t been responding to texts. I’m also afraid to leave to be honest, after 30 I’ve been afraid to be alone and it’s hard to finally value myself enough to decide to end the suffering. It’s another lost night for me today but your comment gave me hope. Love is a mfucker.
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u/Skipadee2 2h ago
You’re better off alone than with someone like that, I promise. PLEASE don’t go back to him. You’re only 32, you are still young. One of my good friends met his wife when he was 37 and had given up on having a family and a wife.
Staying single will allow the love you are looking for to come to you. If you’re in this shitty relationship, you will never find something better. It will come to you, I promise. Just stay strong and don’t let your fear of being alone trump your fear of being in a shitty relationship forever.
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 3h ago
Yes! And better actually exists! And it's completely worth holding out for.
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u/Few_Category_1684 3h ago
God I truly hope I get there one day. I'm 32 and have not been in a relationship since 2012, let alone a solid and genuine one at all. I keep waiting but I value myself too much to be a backup option/rebound/placeholder for anyone ever. I just want to know what being loved truly feels like
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 3h ago
It wasn't till my early 40s I experienced it. If anything happened with my current relationship, I'd prefer to remain single unless I met someone again who really adores me. But if not, I'd just be single till I die. Being with people who don't truly love you just eats away at your soul.
You're still very young. Just keep living a full life and fill your life with activities you love. Then, when you find your person who loves you, they're adding to your life but they're not your *everything*, because you have your eggs in many different baskets, e.g. hobbies, volunteer work, family and friends, art, community, etc.
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u/breakonthru_ 2h ago
I understand and agree with what you say about being considered a full person.
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u/TexasGirl729 6h ago
NOR - he has said the other person is his person.
For example. More than a year into my relationship he admitted he was considering leaving me for "the one that got away". I said OK and started packing up, we had already been living together nearly a year. He changed his mind said he truly wanted me, we reconciled. We got married. We built a life for over 7 years. Then she became available again and reached out and he in a drunken stupor ended things.
When they show you who they truly are, believe them.
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u/LacerisPogo 4h ago
After 7 years?! 🔪🔪🔪🔪
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u/TexasGirl729 4h ago
Yup, had her moved in within a month. They ended up not lasting very long *shocking* since when they first dated in HIGH SCHOOL she ended up in the mental ward. Who would have guessed there would be issues?
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u/PrestigiousDemand696 6h ago
Sorry but when someone shows you who they are MULTIPLE TIMES, you’re the fool for not believing them. He cheated on you online multiple times, why would you be surprised by this behavior with someone he loved once? He’s a cheater. He is not loyal to you and sounds like he never has been. This is exactly what I would expect from someone like him. He is being EXACTLY WHO HE HAS SHOWN YOU HE IS. Why have you stayed? NOR but honey just walk away. There’s no conversation to be had. You aren’t his priority, will never be his priority. That’s it. You can’t talk that out.
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u/mshinroc 6h ago
How do you know "The cheating never progressed past texts but it always made me feel horrible and insecure even though he’d try to reassure me that it was only the attention aspect that made him do it."? And if my partner was online cheating (and who knows what else), I'd be upset too.
It's time to cut your losses and move on.
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u/loatheinsilence 6h ago
NOR. I’m not gonna lie, if I saw these messages on my boyfriend’s phone I’d never speak to him again. I wouldn’t even give him an explanation beyond printing these out and taping them to my locked door lol. This is nauseating.
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u/CricketNo7666 6h ago
Yeah, so…
I married the girl who made me feel the way he is talking. We dated super young. Broke up and got together a couple of times. I’ve felt was he's expressing, whether he’s for real or not, I know what he’s saying. And he shouldn’t be.
I’d think of her. She was the benchmark all others were watermarked to in my heart of hearts. Yup. But I never, ever spoke to her like that while in other relationships. That’d be highly inappropriate. You are right to think of it as emotional cheating, and you are right to not accept it.
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u/Tall-Payment-8015 6h ago
You can't unsee these messages. You can't stop knowing what you know.
This is not about confronting him. This is about deciding what you want for yourself. Don't you deserve better than the relationship you've described? Being alone is fine.
You can fight with him about this if you want but I would just let him go.
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u/Imnotonthelist 5h ago
💯 this. You can’t argue this exchange out of existence, you can’t argue his feelings toward this person away, and you can’t argue your way out of how this made you feel. Just bail honey NOR
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u/Dragonsgate56 6h ago
Just leave him, you can't fix that. I know it's terrible but it'll only get worse if you stick around. Maybe he did love you but evidently not as much as his ex. You deserve to be someone's gold, not silver.
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u/theparalleldimension 2h ago
NOR .... mmmm ... you deserve better than this. shes probably living off the attention shes getting from knowing hes in a relationship yet still talking to her like that.
this would kill me to read if i was in a relationship. nah
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u/Imaginary-Clock718 6h ago
I guess I’m confused: what is the reaction we are deciding on here?
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u/Glum-Mulberry-9430 5h ago
At this point I think these types of posters just want to hear they deserve better and need positive attention, but will inevitably stay where they are bc they don’t want to be single and think loving someone more will make them stay.
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u/JennieandtheBets_ 5h ago
NOR- “currently i have a partner”
Youre not the right one you’re his right now
The writing is on the wall. You’ve already put up with three years of him slipping in and out of infidelity. Don’t let him waste more of your time.
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u/Jolly-Ma92320 5h ago
This is not okay. He is emotionally cheating on you, and blatantly saying he cares for someone else more than you. You deserve so much better.
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u/Aggressive-Key-5533 2h ago
Holy hell, being together for 3 years and him writing to his ex that he could never love anyone like he loved her is rough, I’m sorry but if it was me I’d just be saying bye and that’s not even including all the other messed up stuff he said I.e. endlessly drifting through the abyss.
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u/Skipadee2 2h ago
Girl. You being absent and your “bad behaviors” are NOT a valid reason for him to cheat. That is when a good partner would lean in more and help you, not look for emotional closeness elsewhere. This man is trash.
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u/SilverTumbleweed5546 6h ago
This sounds like teenagers who think they are 100% more mature than they actually are
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u/Suitable_Glass_8390 5h ago edited 5h ago
Dutch-oven cooked. This red flag is larger than the one in Tiananmen Square. I understand this kid still has lots of traumas and issues to process...and trauma bonding with people comes natural. But she s the ex...and considering everything you re doing for him, this is unfair to you..and actually quite disrespectful. I'm afraid every other interpretation is likely gaslighting.
I'm really sorry you found out this way...but if you keep going, next time you might find out in a worse way. Leave him going through what he must...by himself and break up.
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u/Agile_Meeting_612 5h ago
NOR They’re still texting like they’re 15… and to be honest the way you’ve described him in the relationship still feels so young. Honestly making it out of such a toxic place in a relationship takes a lot of work and self reflection. You have to be honest with yourself about two things. Are you willing to put in all that work even if it means you don’t end up together and secondly do you honestly think he is mature enough and willing to put in that kind of work too.
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u/dadofthree92987 5h ago
As a dad of 2 girls...😤....🗣️ I say RECIPROCATE HIS ASS TO THE DOOR!!! 👉🏻🚪
Tell him "Since you like trying to leave doors open, I left the front one open for you! Hope it hits you in the ass on the way out!"
~To the right person you'll always be MORE THAN ENOUGH!~🖤
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u/Cosmic_Seduction 5h ago
NOR. Wow! The audacity. I know this is very hard and it completely sucks, I can already feel the punch in the gut you must’ve felt reading these. I know you said you can’t disregard your behavior either but have you stopped to think that you react that way because he’s not offering you any kind of stability in this relationship (emotional and partnership wise too since he’s dependent on you) and because he consistently disrespects you and goes out to seek attention from other girls? No one is perfect, we are all a little bit flawed and while I am the type of person who thinks you can work through anything with someone, cheating is one of the things I draw the line at.
I’d be so turned off and feel nothing towards my partner reading these texts. They are inappropriate and disrespectful. You seem like you’re shouldering the relationship when it comes to hard stuff. This will continue to mess up your nervous system and make you feel insecure until something radically changes, but you’ll always be on guard, trying to brace for pain or disappointment. Ask yourself: “if nothing changes, would I be happy and fulfilled in this relationship in 5 years?”
Just from this, I wouldn’t be happy.
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u/SpecialistSuper5561 1h ago
Lmao they’re made for each other. If you add their IQs together you’ll get an average IQ.
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u/Opening_Expert6316 6h ago
Won’t say he didn’t or don’t love u but this looks like there trauma bonded 🚩🚩🚩 and she’s playing hard ball. U have to emotionally detach hard but for your mental health it has to be done. Lines are being crossed. It might be over but if anything he need to figure out what he wants and to be real do u wanna be with someone that’s ‘Bluetooth’only connected when u around
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u/stackhopper 6h ago
Yeah. You already know what to do. Plus texting “Worldly obstacles happen to distance me from my feelings I guess” is so cringe. You’d be justified in dumping him just for that. You deserve better.
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u/EurobaddieXO 6h ago
May I just say: VOM 🤢🤮
His messages are so sleazy and pathetic lmao btw you don’t know if he’s telling her the truth. Some people just want attention and admiration and will say this shit to get a hit. Or he is telling her the truth. But either way it’s pathetic and disrespectful and I think you should confront him. Please also tell him how embarrassing these messages are
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u/EurobaddieXO 6h ago
Ps I don’t think these messages sound sincere - just blah blah for attention and an ego boost
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u/JacqueGonzales 6h ago
He’s telling her that she will always be his #1
…. while treating you like #2
NOR!!!
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u/Small_lake_city 5h ago
If you don’t leave him, this text exchange is going to haunt your relationship forever. No matter what he says to convince you otherwise, it’s always going to be in the back of your mind. Also, he is SO cringe.
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u/Adventurous-Tone-311 5h ago
Yeah I would’ve left this dude the second I read this. Respect yourself and move on.
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u/miserables0ul 6h ago
NOR. So sorry youre going thru this, i dont think anything he says excuse this behavior and for the sake of your dignity and mental health i dont think you should excuse him either...if you really want you could work it out having a very serious (really serious) conversation about your feelings and his behavior. Wishing you luck
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u/Otherwise_Living_158 6h ago
Is he from a manga?
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u/Muted-Move-9360 5h ago
Seriously though the amount of autistic-adjacent men who pick up Anime Protagonist as their personality is astonishing. Its like, they only look up to those corny protagonists because they barely have anyone decent IRL to admire and emulate
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u/FickleAd6309 6h ago
“I am endlessly drifting through the abyss” this gave me 2nd hand embarrassment. Please just leave this person it’s not worth the further heartache. To say they never loved you idk but NOR
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u/animaniactoo 6h ago
He may love you. But he doesn’t love you like he loves her.
She references future plans together. While apparently trying to respect your relationship. More than he is.
And it sounds like some of that may be trauma bonding and it would be a very unhealthy kind of love.
But. Dude. That doesn’t mean that you need to accept being the backup plan. Or the in between one.
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u/East_Nobody_7775 6h ago
NOR. This is extremely inappropriate messages to be sending to anyone when you have a partner. I would have a serious conversation about that, and decide whether you think it's worth it to stay in a relationship like that.
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u/Best-Performance-729 5h ago
NOR Take this as the sign from the universe that it's time to end the relationship for good. You deserve better trust me
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u/guerillamindfare 5h ago edited 5h ago
Are you okay with being #2 behind another woman, with your boyfriend? If not, leave. These are wildly inappropriate conversations to be having with an ex. On your own phone for godsakes.
Build some self esteem so next time you see red flags, youll just dump him and don't need to run to the internet to ask if this is acceptable or not. NOR.
Edit: also the way he feels about your relationship is "endlessly drifting through the abyss". That should say all it does regarding how he feels about you and your relationship. He keeps coming back to you because you are available.
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u/Healthy-Debt-5205 5h ago
I mean if you’re taking your question to Reddit I think you already know the answer
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u/Imaginary_Diamond_20 5h ago edited 5h ago
This is gross, i can’t tell you what to do but i can tell you i hope if me or my partner was in that position it would ruin us, we would break up instantly. him even texting the ex is already crazy (imo) but to say those things…not only about her but about your relationship he had to say floating through and abyss……3 years? sounds like he is afraid to have a talk with you, i’d say best way to handle this is to bring the conversation to him; Does he want the relationship or not? EDIT: HE’S F*£€KING LIVING WITB YOU?! END THIS NOW!!!!
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u/Muted-Move-9360 5h ago
NOR - it's over. He's way too caught up in the past to see what's good in front of him.
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u/Mission-Guava9690 5h ago
Dump his ass and let them test out that "unconditional love" they have... Slimy af
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u/SquonkWrangler 5h ago
NOR.
He's emotionally cheated before and told his ex he'll never love anyone more than her.
Let him go back to her then. Don't let him guilt you out of the decision. He will promise to block her. That's gonna be a lie. You deserve better treatment than this. Far better.
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u/OwnConflict5118 5h ago
The good news is she's playing him to improve her living situation. He's going to get burned.
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u/ThrowRAloodi 5h ago
Based on the screenshot AND based on your post description - NOR. This guy is harboring strong feelings for other people and openly admitting to being more in love with his X than he will ever be with you. You don't want to be someone's #2, I'd leave
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u/SunshineShoulders87 5h ago
Hi Friend… you need to believe that you’re worth more than this. Go find a real man who sees your value and happily makes an effort to spend time with you.
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u/LetsGetReady2Stumble 5h ago
Fuck this guy. These messages (and his “friendship” with this ex) are so inappropriate. I don’t care if he says he loves or cares about you. He clearly doesn’t respect you. And, this “friendship” is already in murky waters. Given the opportunity, these two will move things into the physical realm.
Let this loser go. You deserve so much more!! Sending love & hugs, from afar!!! 💗🫶 xoxo
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u/domdaddyboy 5h ago
NOR. Especially considering he’s had multiple instances of online cheating. This is another one.
I know this must hurt a lot and I’m sorry you e experienced it. You didn’t ask for advice necessarily, but if he was my bf he wouldn’t be for much longer.
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u/Past-Refrigerator976 5h ago
NOR. He’s trying to be overly deep and it’s obvious he’s still in love with her. DUMP HIM
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u/WerkLurk 5h ago
NoR. I was cringing so hard reading these. He's trying so hard to be deep. He goes from talking like normal when talking about the BB gun to having to let her know how much he thinks about her like he's a greek philosopher after she asks if he's dating. Is he referring to you as a "worldly obstacle" that's "distancing him from his feelings" (for his ex)?
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u/AdorableDino98 5h ago
NOR. Dump him and kick his ass OUT. You wanna talk to your ex like that while you LIVE WITH ME?! He’s using YOUR phone to talk to her! Oh, hysterics are where I’d be. He doesn’t deserve kindness. “I’ll never feel the same way I feel about you with anyone else” GROSS. Good, you can go live with your ex then since that’s how you feel. He’s gross and awful. And frankly, you deserve better. You’re not just someone to be used for a home and treated the bare minimum nice. Someone who really loves you, wouldn’t say those things to anyone else. They also wouldn’t feel a need or want to get attention from others. I hope you do find someone who is going to be better to you. I’m so sorry you had to find out this way.
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u/South_Body_569 5h ago
His feelings and messages are big red flags. I do not know if he loves you but he seems to value his ex far more than he values you - his current gf.
I am sorry OP. I would not be able to get over this.
NOR
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u/Glittering_Swan4911 5h ago
NOR - This is very inappropriate.
He told her he’ll never love anyone like he loved her. WTF?!
Definitely confront and please think about why you are with this guy who blatantly disrespects you. He encourages her to say she likes him after telling her he thinks about her and what he could have done differently. Not sure how you can stay with him after this exchange. Very unattractive quality in a man.
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u/Illustrious-Salt6719 5h ago
Like, even if this dude wasn’t a cheating POS. This is the corniest douche fake poetic dude I’ve seen in my life. I promise you can do so much better.
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u/SweetCucumber_ 5h ago
Ew. NOR. They’re weird for this. I say they both are because once your bf said he has a partner she continued. & he also didn’t stop the conversation; it’s inappropriate!
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u/waitspitmebackout 5h ago
Girl wake the fuck up and throw his shit outside, have some self respect. Leave him and his barely literate probably long distance soul hoe and go treat yourself to a massage 💅🏻
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u/Least_Ad_4657 5h ago
This dude sounds like a fucking clown. Why do these dudes always think they sound so deep with this shit?
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u/Emotional-Builder-75 5h ago
NOR, under reacting, per usual on this sub.
You overstayed with this loser.
Move on. Get some therapy about why you stayed with a guy like this, and some self esteem issues.
He is not the one.
Get your head straight, and increase your standards.
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u/WolfFood 5h ago
Those texts are super inappropriate in a relationship. He confirmed he likes her too so best to leave
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u/She_sLovely 4h ago
print these out and highlight the bits that made you break up with him. grammar corrections, annotations. the whole yard. gift it to him as you kick him out
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u/snortgigglecough 4h ago
So your cheating boyfriend continues to cheat on you? Sounds like he has hobosexual tendencies as well? LEAVE HIM, do better for yourself.
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u/Sea-Banana-5013 4h ago
NOR Break up with this actual bum what the hell? If he loves her and all that actual WAFFLE HE SAID then yeah LEAVE THAT BUM❌‼️
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u/No_Equivalent_2409 4h ago
Why do you hate yourself is the question obviously. You know he’s not a good man. Don’t you think you deserve better?
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u/Life_Bed_8418 4h ago
The messages are kinda cringey to be honest. If you choose to stay with him, just know you were the one he settled for and you will be number 1 to him
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u/Impressive-Sky3250 4h ago
“never love anyone the way I love you” would have me exiting stage left.
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u/No-Complex-1523 4h ago
Blah blah blah all that pseudo poetic bs. He is insufferable. Let me guess, he’s a „nice guy“ but never really got as much attention from girls as he’d like? Maybe he was bullied in his teens or something? He needs attention. Desperately. Therapy.
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u/Zealousideal-Sand188 4h ago
so you’re telling me, he’s BEEN cheating on you and you still need to hear it from people online whether you’re overreacting or not?? girl are we serious? you need to stand up and leave.
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u/Diamondee_S164 4h ago
A lot of online cheating from his side
Bf is still acting all normal and being abnormally sweet
Pick one. Like genuinely, do you hear yourself? Have some damn respect for yourself girl.
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u/shellonearth_ 4h ago
NOR—it’s chilling how callously he can have these conversations knowing you have access to his socials, and all the while still being sweet and loving toward you. you wouldn’t have had a clue had you not snooped, so I think you did the right thing. some of these “partners” give you no choice. trust but verify.
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u/beheafishtrapofman 4h ago
If my boyfriend said this to another woman it’d be the last time I spoke to break up with him. I’d hate him forever. Do with that what you will.
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u/Peepsgma 4h ago
He has shown you who he is and you keep hoping he will ‘love you enough’, what he calls love is not what loves is. Please leave this relationship asap, never let another person treat you the way this person has treated you.
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u/ambientta 4h ago
NOR This is emotional cheating and 100%. It’s inappropriate and he speaks intentionally in a way to avoid accountability. Especially his answer about if he’s dating someone.
Dump him and let him cling to his ex like he seems insistent on doing so.
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u/victoriachaos11 4h ago
NOR - he may have loved you at some point, but he basically referred to you as his "current gf". 😔 I don't think he sees a future with you, or at least not one that excites him as much as his ex does.
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u/Ap3xPredditor 4h ago
You went digging for dirt and found it, congratulations. There must have been a reason, right? Just leave him, why bother trying to make all this work? You weren't going through his phone for no reason, so just do what you gotta do.
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u/disco_priestess 4h ago
NOR, he’s telling her he will never care for anyone the way he does her, whilst living with you. He’s emotionally cheating for sure but he’s disrespecting you blatantly by having this exchange. He’s either immature or insecure, maybe both but either way this is shitty. He is not the future for you that’s for sure
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u/babyfacereaper 4h ago
NOR this would give me the ick SO bad. I wouldn’t be able to sleep with him ever again 😂 he’s being shady af texting his ex this stuff, while also trying to sound so profound. Embarrassing af dawg.
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u/Creepy-Fudge8373 4h ago
Not overreacting. So sorry for the dishonesty you are experiencing. He is not being loyal to you and is entertaining (and seems to be trying to rekindle) other relationships. If there is any hope of it working out between you two you need to confront him, he needs to be truly remorseful, and you both need to do very difficult work of rebuilding trust.
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u/Ok-Photo-1972 4h ago
NOR in fact you're under reacting. I'm not gonna lie, I didn't read the entirety of your post, you said he's cheated on you multiple times online? That should've been enough. Stand up.
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u/ManagerKey4597 4h ago
Does he wear a fedora?
More seriously, this guy is gonna turn into an ex you cringe about because he’s a loser and you deserve much better
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u/darknessmyfriend272 4h ago
The fun thing and the sad thing (for him) is that she probably manipulating him, will sleep with others and because of his texts - soon you will leave him and sleep with someone else. That is when he really will be in the ”trenches”.
Karma is coming for him.
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u/FeistyCaregiver3396 4h ago
NOR - This dude sounds like a straight up loser leech bro. He’s taken, taking, and will continue to take advantage of you
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u/Obacht93 4h ago
He's not only an ass, but the way those texts read a pretentious idiot. I couldn't read any of this "I'm a drifting soul in a sea of darkness"-bullshit. He talks like he thinks smart people talk. It's exhausting to read...
Nobody deserves to be treated like this OP.
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u/Icy-Run-8134 4h ago
I am really sorry for what you’re going through.
And I have to be real with you- Even if everyone said “you are overreacting” would you really feel safe and comfortable and top priority? I feel sad you even have to ask.
These are so inappropriate and he didn’t even mention you as your own being in his life. He may have been into you but he’s disrespecting you heavily and not in love with you (and that’s not your fault nor will i ever be). Please kick him out and wait for the right person.
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u/AbFab-alicious 4h ago
NOR. Let me ask you this, if you didn't provide him with somewhere to live, etc. do you think you guys would still be together.
This conversation is
https://giphy.com/gifs/D3GixmcNfBmobxlbQK
You can do so much better than this guy!
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u/SoundOfaFlute 4h ago
OP, you must be a really kind person if you feel bad 'exposing' her texts (even though it's anonymous and she's making moves on your bf). I hope you will find a way to direct that kindness towards yourself, and not people who don't deserve it, like your disrespectful, two-timing bf. Genuinely, he doesn't even deserve a confrontation or a chance to explain himself after saying those things to someone else behind your back. Break up and kick him out.
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u/HonestlywhattheDuck 4h ago
Cheating is not defined identical for everyone. You CHOOSE what is cheating and what is not, but for me personally, if he makes you feel like shit, unloved, insecure doing this with someone else, that's cheating/violating base-line expectations from a partner.
My thing about this is that tbh, I am a strong supporter of everyone should shoot their shot. But it is about how your partner handles it that is the huge dilemma. He's beating around the bush. No matter how he explains it, "I said I LIKE her, not I love her!" It still encourages her affections. Unless he's dim as hell, this girl is fucking shooting her SHOT and your "partner" is not shutting it down. That's on him, break up w his ass if he's doing this with multiple people. Being anxious about your partner, insecure about your place in his life and how you could be replaceable, is not fun. Your mental health is just getting shot for free.
tldr; cooked as hell
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u/Mydarknighthasrisen 6h ago
NOR, they both think they’re incredibly deep, get outta the trench now lol