r/AmIOverreacting • u/DefinitionThat9916 • 5h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO: My F23 boyfriend M24 initiated a no contact break and I’m devastated
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We have great chemistry and we are best friends. Unfortunately, we have also had a lot of issues and fighting. He made a few poor choices throughout our relationship with a female coworker (nothing physical, just emotional validation and closeness and lying) and I gave him chances and asked him to make changes and respect my boundaries. He didn’t put in the work and he didn’t change or respect my boundaries after he broke my trust.
We have been fighting about this same situation for over a year now because it’s never actually been resolved. A few days ago, I saw him after almost a week, and his energy was off. He wasn’t being affectionate or anything, and it really hurt my feelings so I expressed my needs. He blew up and it turned into him panicking and spiraling and wanting to break up then stay together and ultimately asking for a break.
He wants a no contact break and he wouldn’t tell me for how long. He said he carries a lot of guilt and pain and resentment over his mistakes and actions. He said he wants space so he can reflect and start to work on himself to love me better.
I have been devastated and lost and blind sided by this. Is this repairable?? I am in shock and agony because I am in a horrible state of limbo. I know I want to repair this but he might not want to. I am afraid he will just leave or ghost me. Am I overreacting?? I’m losing it.
TLDR; boyfriend blindsided me with a no contact break after fighting too much
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u/JEWCEY 5h ago
He's seeing other people. Time to move on.
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u/Blarffette 4h ago
100% this.
Plus, it's a break up, with an option to renew if he decides it didn't work out with this other person, because the whole "no-contact break" is setting the terms that he can do what he wants, ie pursue this other girl, for a while and if it doesn't work out, he can come back and say he got clarity and really does want to be with OP.
She needs to throw the whole man away.
However, if it was me, I would mentally and emotionally move on without telling him and when if he decides to come back, I'd play along until the right moment and then pull the rug out at the last minute.
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u/JEWCEY 3h ago
This is the way. Morbid curiosity gets the best of me. I'd need to know his next move, just so I can cackle with a my lady friends about it in group text. With screenshots of course, because I am a good friend and I take tea very seriously
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u/Mochibelle93 5h ago
Youre not overreacting to be upset and sad. But this is a breakup not a break. Even if you get back together now that the trust is broken and the baggage is there it wont be a healthy or normal relationship. You deserve better, hugs.
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u/Morella_xx 5h ago
You've been at this for a year? Please just move on and find someone who will respect you.
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u/SoggyLeftTit 4h ago edited 4h ago
He made a few poor choices throughout our relationship with a female coworker (nothing physical, just emotional validation and closeness and lying) and I gave him chances and asked him to make changes and respect my boundaries. He didn’t put in the work and he didn’t change or respect my boundaries after he broke my trust.
u/DefinitionThat9916, what were the consequences of this? Fighting with him and begging him to respect you is not a consequence. When he made it clear that he has no intention to respect you and your boundaries, YOU should’ve been the one to end the relationship.
The “No Contact Break” is a gift. He wants to end the relationship, but doesn’t want to be the one to end the relationship so he’s suggesting a break and hoping you take the hint. Let the relationship end. Based on what you’ve written, it doesn’t make sense for you to be holding on so tightly.
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u/KireiDatte 4h ago
He probably wants to try his luck as a single man. If that doesn't work out he will be back to her.
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u/SoggyLeftTit 3h ago edited 2h ago
I think he has been trying his luck as a single man and he has found someone he wants to commit to and that person isn’t OP.
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u/darkmythology 5h ago
What exactly do you think is going to happen on this "no-contact break of indeterminate length"? What can you imagine happening? With no way to confirm what the heck is going on, ask yourself if you're really okay with any of that happening and for how long.
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u/CrochetingClarinet 5h ago
Something seems fishy. I’d just break up
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u/Sad_Satisfaction7015 4h ago
He already broke up with her. There’s no such thing as a no contact break.
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u/CrochetingClarinet 4h ago
Well to make it clear for me and for partner since honestly dudes can be weird about this stuff.
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u/KingClark03 5h ago
He’s trying to breakup without coming out and saying it.
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u/Life_Temperature2506 4h ago
Or without burning bridges in case skanky coworker doesn't pan out.
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u/jack_from_the_past 4h ago
Why’s she skanky?
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u/Life_Temperature2506 4h ago
Getting emotionally close to taken guy = skanky.
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u/jack_from_the_past 4h ago
This sure is a reach. She didn’t have sex with him ffs
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u/Muzukashii-Kyoki 3h ago
That we know of.
All we have is the word of the gf he was likely lying to.
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u/Normal-Equivalent222 5h ago
NOR. He is slowly but surely getting out of this relationship, instead of admitting it right out that he's done. He's been emotionally cheating on you with this co-worker and now he's wanting a "break". Please leave him and find someone else that is more mature.
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u/theycallme_mama 5h ago
Your first two paragraphs tell you exactly why you should not be together. What is the issue? How are you really blindsided? You said it yourself, y'all fight too much. Why would you be with someone that you fight with constantly? Contact a therapist and work through this with them. This really is the best thing for you both.
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u/Lost-and-dumbfound 4h ago
I am so confused you want to repair what? You said he put in absolutely no work when he displayed zero respect for the relationship. Who’s doing the repairing? You on his behalf?
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u/LilMama1908 4h ago
Whyvare you shocked? This is not a break, this is absolutely a break up. He feels guilty because he feels like he’s cheating on the other young lady. You’ve stated he did not respect your boundaries. You’ve been fighting about this for a year, this should come as no surprise to you. He may care about you, but it appears he is more into the coworker. He’s probably more into her than you know. Let him go. He is clearly not the one. I’m not sure Why you are even sad because you’ve seen this behavior for over a year and you yourself stated nothing has changed and he has not been affectionate. What exactly are you holding onto?
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u/theCaityCat 4h ago
You're not best friends, so cut that shit out. Best friends don't pull shit like this.
NOR dump him and move on.
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u/AsparagusOverall8454 4h ago
He’s cheating on you. Time to stop letting him treat you like shit and move on.
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u/Crazy_Upstairs_1617 4h ago
NOR. Just block him and move on. He's still seeing her and if not her, then someone else because he can't break up with you like an adult
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u/Objective_Joke_5023 5h ago
You’re blindsided? It was obvious the relationship was troubled, and he was withdrawing. He’s now made it crystal clear that he’s out. This has run its course. No, it’s not worth continuing to pine away for him or to try to “fix it.” Move on. YOR
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u/Willing_Neat_4065 3h ago
I had to double look at the word blind sided….after this last year OP should not feel blind sided…all of the red flags were right there!
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u/callmebuzzsaw 5h ago
I'm going to be very straightforward. If you're still having arguments over a situation that happened over a year ago, you're not as good of friends or partners as you thought.
The issue with infedility, even if it's just emotional, is that it creates a crack in the foundation of trust that relationships need to survive. The crack in your foundation hasn't ever been truly repaired and it has grown wide enough that it has caused even more damage.
This should be a wake up call for you. Your chemistry and connection is simply not enough for your relationship to survive the break in trust. I would recommend that you take this break in contact to do some soul searching andnl work on moving on from this relationship.
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u/RandomNameRandomly 4h ago
He doesnt want to be with you and this is his way of gently breaking up with you. He has been phasing you out.
He hasnt blindsided you. You ignored all of his red flags because you really want to be with him. Get some therapy and work on your self esteem. Your happiness should be tied to yourself not an idealized version of a relationship with a person.
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u/Puzzleheaded_List_73 4h ago
Relationship is dead. Also what do you mean you've been on this for a year? Please grow a spine and move on. Relationships are work but this just sounds exhausting. Also, what do you mean a no contact break to learn to love you better? The only way to love you better is him cutting off contact with the other person who's coming between you, not cutting off contact from you. Sounds like he's trying to keep you on ice while he tries to see other people.
Mourn this relationship and move on.
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u/Crazy-Dreams-6251 4h ago
i agree with your opinion but telling her to “grow a spine” is harsh and much easier said then done. especially when someone has experienced hardship in an emotional bond/relationship. holding onto false hope with someone you wanna be with is much deeper than not having a backbone to stand up for yourself
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u/HabitualEnthusiast 4h ago
Can I project a little? The last time someone tried to initiate a “break” with me, it was because he was already talking to someone else.
“Breaks” are nothing. You’ve been together a while, maybe he’s afraid to actually pull the plug and call it what it is, but you’re broken up.
NOR for feeling devastated
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u/MyCumIsCarbonatedWHY 5h ago
"Unfortunately, we have also had a lot of issues and fighting."
So why bother even trying to stay together? It doesn't work. Healthy relationships don't have " a lot of issues and fighting." You are too young to bother with this needless drama. This "break" is a good thing and you should ensure it is permanent.
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u/Purple-Warning-2161 4h ago
NOR. The only “working on himself” that he is doing is working himself into a different vagina.
No dick is worth the stress of a year long argument after emotionally cheating. He is not the only man to date on earth and even if he was - being single as an incredibly attractive option.
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u/IndustryValuable 5h ago
He's already ghosting u just take it as shitty and don't take him back when he comes trying to act like it was either no big deal or ur fault cuz it's neither
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u/Helpyjoe88 4h ago
You've kept this argument going for a year? At this point, it doesn't even matter if your concerns were legitimate or not. If you've been arguing for that long, just move on.
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u/Sunnygirl66 4h ago
He has already broken up with you and is sleeping with someone else. I know how much it hurts, but you need to walk away from him and never look back.
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u/Vilnius_Nastavnik 5h ago
NOR. There is no such thing as "breaks." Either you're together or you're not. People who tell you that they want a break almost always mean that they want to try out someone new but want you to wait around in case it doesn't work out. That is almost certainly the case here given his panicked freakout.
He has broken up with you. You can wait around for him or not. I strongly suggest not.
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u/I_Weep_for_Willow 4h ago
Wow you really checked off all the boxes of Reddit 'therapy speak' haha
Yo, sweetie... let it go.
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u/DuePromotion287 4h ago
Yeah, the break is him trying to hook up with someone else guilt free.
He is exploring other opportunities.
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u/chalisa0 4h ago
It's ok to feel sad and upset. But, I'm sorry to say, this relationship is not repairable. I suspect he has someone else, and he is just saying "break" but means break-up. He just really sucks at being upfront and honest. Try not to be devastated. He's really not worth it.
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u/Not_AMermaid 4h ago
NOR. Relationship breaks never made any sense to me. You’re together or you’re not. Cut your losses, someone WAY better is out there for you.
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u/Plus_Concern6650 4h ago
If he hasn’t reflected and changed over the last year he isn’t going to do it. I think you’ll be happier in the long run if you move on a find someone who would never break your trust in the first place.
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u/Crazy-Dreams-6251 4h ago
NOR. he’s not addressing you or your needs. he’s self isolating/ avoiding you so he can do whatever the fuck he wants guilt free. more like gaslighting than doing any kind of work on himself. save yourself the pain and frustration and turn no contact into something for YOU to work on yourself and love yourself- exactly what he wont be doing while he’s not with you
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u/FairyGothMommy 4h ago
Nor. A break likely means he wants sex with someone and he sees this as a loophole so he can say it's not cheating.
Don't accept a break. Just dump him.
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u/rocketmn69_ 4h ago
You aren't best friends if all you do is fight. I think it's time to move on and heal yourself. Block him everywhere. If he decides to come back, we'll he knows where you live
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u/intolerablefem 4h ago edited 4h ago
Nah, he’s testing out other future partners and calling it a break. His behavior up until this point has been shady and you’ve been tolerating it (why?) for an entire year already.
You’re in delulu land babes. Find your self respect and dump him. Why are you fighting for someone who isn’t fighting for you?
“He said he carries a lot of guilt and pain and resentment over his mistakes and actions. He said he wants space so he can reflect and start to work on himself to love me better.” - this comment is nuts and you’re foolish if you fall for it. He didn’t suddenly had an epiphany and want to start respecting your boundaries when he’s put in zero effort for the past year. He’s playing you for a fool and it sounds like you believe him. Again, why?
You’re being strung along while he plays the field. A “contact break” is nonsense as others have stated.
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u/KyleMcMahon 4h ago
“Been together two years and everything’s amazing. The last year I don’t trust him and he doesn’t care and we argue”
Ummm
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u/IdealGlobal339 4h ago
He will, during this "break," find someone else...like her, the female coworker. Mark my words. Whatever you do, stick with no contact!
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u/FederalCover2020 4h ago
He freaked out on you because during that week of absence he was either fucking or preparing to fuck that other girl.
He sounds like a coward, so this might be his own way of getting action on the side without cheating.
Either way, he’s a waste of your time and fortunately, you found out about this before it’s too late.
Goodluck
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u/TruePineapple6 4h ago
He is seeing someone else. If it doesn't work out, you are his backup.
Don't be his backup. Block and move on
YOR to the breakup. You need to get away
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u/One_Stay_7846 4h ago
Sounds like hes checked out already. Don't hold out for this "no contact break" to end...move on love, you're still so young!
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u/nevergofullcrazy 4h ago
Taking the relationship piece out of it to be objective, if you've been friends with someone for two years and fighting for half that, that isn't a best friend.
Eta: him lying and not doing any work in a year is enough to break a relationship. Doesn't really matter if it wasn't physical. Lying is bad, full stop.
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u/NoireAstral 4h ago
It doesn’t sound repairable considering the situation happened over a year ago and y’all are still fighting over it. If it is it’ll be incredibly hard to build the trust again. If he wanted you he’d be with you. He doesn’t need to break up with you to work on himself. Don’t waste your youth on someone who doesn’t want or deserve it. NOR.
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u/Ok_Car8459 4h ago
It’s been so long and you guys are fighting and now a “break”. Just fully break up and move on sis
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u/WinthropTwisp 4h ago
This “boundaries” shit has gotten way out of hand.
Partners don’t have “boundaries” with each other. They don’t need “boundaries” with each other if there’s respect and the sort of attention, consideration and sensitivity partners give to each other.
You two aren’t partners, so don’t pretend. You are shacking up mates at best. It’s OK. It’s only not OK when you mistake your relationship for something deeper and more enduring.
Move on. Let him move on. It’s OK. It’s what mature adults do.
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u/SadAcanthocephala521 4h ago
This is where you go no contact, for the rest of your life. Move on and find someone that you actually get along with and that wants to be with you.
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u/Gunfur 4h ago
It’s normal to feel the pain of rejection. It might feel blindsided to you, but it’s been in his mind for some time to just walk away, and no contact at that.
I know it’s hard to hear now. It’ll get better. You deserve better. Know your self-worth. Use this to build your confidence and empower yourself. It’s ok to be upset. Don’t let it define you though. You’ve got this.
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u/Catsinhats9375 4h ago
NOR- it honestly sounds more like a breakup than a break. Not to be “that” person but, is it possible he wants to test out a new relationship or pursue someone else?
Sometimes people will line up a new partner while in a relationship and then try to put the old relationship “on hold” while they figure out if the new relationship is going to go anywhere. Since he has a history of inappropriate behavior and lying when it comes to other women, I’d be VERY reluctant to believe he’s not just trying to put you on the back burner
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u/z-eldapin 4h ago
Damn, just read the post history.
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u/azombieatemyshoelace 4h ago
He’s complete trash. He tried to film them having sex without permission.
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u/azombieatemyshoelace 4h ago edited 4h ago
You shouldn’t want to be with this dude after all he has done judging from your comment history: You should break up with him. This dude tried to film the two of you having sex without you knowing. That’s sexual abuse.
I know you care about him but one day you will be glad that you two parted.
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u/Just_Me_79 4h ago
NOR, So he wants to boink her and have you in the wings for when she wakes up so he can run back, how’s it look through that lens? Do you want to be the backup? It’s over, you’ve know it’s over, block him, take some time for YOU, and move forward. He’s shown you who he is, believe him.
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u/Fresh-Plum-8533 4h ago
This is cheating behaviour for sure
Also being best friends and fighting all the time, like legit, is not how friendships go. Also you don’t trust him.
You’re not overreacting, you’re UNDER reacting
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u/YouKnowYourCrazy 4h ago
Girl. I say this with kindness. This man isn’t it. He’s not your guy. Your guy will not cheat. Your guy will not argue with you for a year over taking accountability for his actions. Your guy will not freak out and want a “break.”
You’ve given this enough of your time and your heart. It’s time to move on. Find your peace and never let a man take that from you again. It’s not worth it.
NOR
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u/phunkydroid 4h ago
Don't take him back. You're young, move on.
He is trying to be with someone else, and only keeping you around as a backup if that doesn't work out.
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u/toodleoo57 3h ago
Honey, I'm so sorry but this is likely the end. "He said he wants space so he can reflect and start to work on himself to love me better" to me reads like he's chosen this other woman and is looking for an easy out.
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u/TelevisionMelodic340 2h ago
It's a breakup, just with some unnecessary additional steps because he's too cowardly to do it outright.
Also, boundaries are about YOU and what you will/won't do in response to certain things. Not a control you put on another person.
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u/dembowthennow 1h ago
A no-contact break with no timeline is a breakup. He broke up with you and you should accept that because this man is trash and you should have been the one breaking up with him for his behavior. Text him, "Don't bother with no-contact, I am breaking up with you. I wish you the best, please don't contact me." Then block him everywhere.
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u/Sad-Corner-9972 1h ago
There’s no such thing as a “soulmate” and there’s 8 billion people alive right now. Your best approach is to say “next.”
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u/No-Anteater1688 1h ago
Indefinite no-contact break? He dumped you but didn't have the nerve to say it. He's done, it's over. You're now free to find better.
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u/Life_Temperature2506 4h ago
What were the terms of the break? Is he free to go apeshit on the co-worker? Please don't unbreak without complete transparency for what he's been up to. NOR
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u/Ginger630 4h ago
NOR! He wants space so he can explore a relationship with that coworker or someone else. When it doesn’t work out or he gets his fix after he sleeps with her, he’ll come back to you.
He won’t repair anything or work on himself. He’s been doing this for a YEAR!
This man isn’t your best friend. He’s lied to you and cheated on you. Physical or emotional, cheating is cheating. This is not the man for you.
He’s turning himself into the victim and you’re falling for it. Give him his break. PERMANENTLY! Block him on your phone and social media. Ask your friends and family if they would do the same. Then move on.
When he eventually finds you and tries to contact you, you can tell him to F off.
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u/IthurielSpear 4h ago
He’s being the stronger person here. You should have done this a year ago, you two are toxic.
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u/Notahappygardener 4h ago
MOR It’s hard but it’s for the best, this relationship has played out. It’s not a break, and for your own sake you need to move on, he already has.
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u/ratcatcher81 4h ago
He did you a favor, you just have to realize it, you just dogge a bullet, leave him, block and move on, it is not the end of the world you’ll live. Good luck.
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u/Daisymaisey23 4h ago
He is easing you into a breakup. Also how are you blindsided by this. The relationship has been in serious trouble for a year.
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u/Even_One_2244 4h ago
It's a breakup. Move on, and seek counsel if needed. Be with family and friends, do not isolate yourself. Move on from him. It will not get better if you stay with him. Sorry.
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u/tarak8isgr8 4h ago
He's a terrible partner. You deserve better. You should treat this as a breakup
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u/PEneoark 4h ago
You've been fighting about the same thing for a year. He's done. I'm sure he just wants peace now. Best of luck.
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u/Ok_Journalist_8664 4h ago
Op - he broke up with you a long time ago. Issues never resolved. You wanting more from him. It’s going to hurt but let this go
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u/springflowers68 4h ago
NOR He is not your best friend. Friends don’t treat the other this way. He is not really a bf and at this stage he wants to test more waters, but still keep you on the hook. Please do yourself a huge favor and make this a permanent break. Block or mute him on everything. Make new friends. Explore new hobbies or interests. And do not let him crawl back to do this to you ever again.
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u/herozerocapitalZ 4h ago
NOR but OP, he broke up with you. A break requires an agreement between both people as to what the break means, what is expected and what is not expected. Like does the break mean you see other people? The point is it should be a conversation where both people agree, otherwise it's just a break up.
He broke up with you. He is going to see other people if he isn't already seeing them. You've been fighting for half your relationship and you don't trust him and he repeatedly damaged that trust.
Have some respect for yourself and move on. Relationships can have hardships and disagreements but they shouldn't be this difficult. The majority of your relationship shouldn't be hardship.
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u/SigmaK78 4h ago
NOR
You boyfriend was busted, his outburst suggest a guilt conscious, and he's using the break to continue the behavior which broke your trust in him.
Time to let him go & allow yourself to heal.
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u/Beneficial_One7840 4h ago
This is what people stuck in 7th grade do. Take the breakup. Believe me you will find someone else who doesn’t have arrested development
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u/77Megg77 4h ago
You need to choose yourself here. He may or may not want to resume the relationship, but you need time away from him too to decide if you really want the relationship. Your first reaction may be yes, you want the relationship, but is that fear of change talking? The relationship was in trouble due to his lies, right? Maybe you need a break to give this real serious thought as to whether or not this can be repaired to where it will be a relationship you deserve.
If you could imagine the perfect man for you, one who would cherish you and be totally honest with you. One that was a big improvement over this current guy. The new guy would give you no doubts and would do all he could to show you he was trustworthy and would love you without reservation. If they were both in front of you and you got to choose, which would it be? Give this serious thought. If you choose the current guy, make sure it is for the right reasons.
I hope you can seriously take this opportunity to really examine yourself as to what you want and need in a relationship. Please don’t settle just because this guy is familiar. Starting over is scary and painful, but it might be the only way you will get the relationship you deserve.
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u/Gweilo_mama 4h ago
I'm all for breaks. My husband and I took a break during a difficult time and it gave us the space to focus on ourselves and our personal issues that were getting in the way of resolving our relationship issues.
However, a break is typically mutually bagreed upon, with a purpose and a time limit. Not necessarily to end the break, but to reevaluate the situation. In your case, this break doesn't seem healthy or productive.
Ending things "probably temporarily" in the middle of a year of conflict, with no plan on what you'll both do to work through things individually or how you'll know when to come back together is torture and unproductive.
You're going to be sad and it's going to hurt. But you need to gently end things. Not in retaliation, but because living in limbo is not healthy for you. Letting go is the antidote to the fear and anxiety yoi are feeling because he's made the future of your relationship completely out of your control.
Let him know you still love him, and you truly hope that he gets the space he needs to figure himself out, and ONLY IF YOU WANT, that he's welcome to contact you in the future to see if there is a chance for a friendship or possibly more if you're available.
Then use the time to get some therapy or work on your own issues. He broke your boundaries and trust, never took accountability or made any changes, and instead of using his guilt to enact change or seek therapy, he tried to blame you. Setting boundaries is the first step, and that's great you did that. But maybe find out why you clung so long to a relationship that wasn't healthy. Then, if and when he does come back, you will be in a healthier place to assess if it's something good for you or it needs to be permanent.
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u/Stressedmama58 4h ago
It's time to go. You're young. You don't need this nonsense. You don't want to go through this more than once.
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u/Status-Pepper1265 4h ago
As Albert Einstein says, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. It is not surprising that fighting about the same thing again and again, for over a year, led to a break up. What did we think was gonna happen?
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u/Status-Pepper1265 4h ago
Ok yikes that sounds so rude lol. I do feel for you OP, I have been where you are. Please don’t take this as a personal shot, I was more so trying to help you see where it came from so you don’t feel as blindsided or the emotional pain of hardcore denial.
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u/JustShopping1967 4h ago
Why you date is to get to know one another, you all have been arguing for a year, that's half of the relationship. He's broken up with you, and it's giving you the opportunity to meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve. Soon he will be a distant memory.
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u/drough08 4h ago
If you all cant resolve this for over a year and then you dont see him for a week and he reacts this way??? Umm, he was itching for a chance or a long break and took his shot. Now he feels guilt and took it out on you. Time to move on and get tested
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u/ArmadaOnion 4h ago
He broke up with you but in a way as to keep you around as a fall back if his new person doesn't work out. Block him and forget him.
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u/Anen-o-me 4h ago
Move on.
He associates you with that pain and guilt. He gets rid of it by ending the relationship and starting over with another. He ruined it. And he wasn't that into you seems like to begin with.
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u/KireiDatte 4h ago
NOR. He's breaking up with you while keeping you on the back burner in case whatever he plans to do as a single man doesn't work out. And trust me, he probably has plans for this "single era" that involve a lot more than meditation and self-discovery.
If he gets what he wants out of this, he'll either completely ignore you or come back with some variation of, "You deserve someone better." Either way, this man has very little respect for you, and you're allowing him to walk all over you.
I know it's hard, but start no-contact yourself and focus on moving on. If you're feeling petty and want it to sting a little, don't wait around for him to make the next move, just ghost him entirely. Disappear from his life.
Right now, you've handed him all the power and stripped yourself of any agency in your own life. Take that power back.
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u/LastEntertainment787 4h ago
I'm sorry but, he's broken up with you. But is too chicken shite to actually do it. He wants you to. So do it. Imo your relationship isn't that great anyway, fighting as much as you do.💞
There's a man out there for you. The right one. That deserves you.
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u/DidelphisGinny 4h ago
You are heavily UNDERreacting. Does he have to literally say to you that he doesn’t like you? He doesn’t even LIKE you, girlfriend, let alone care about you. Dump him before he dumps you if you still can.
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u/Substantial-Feed-764 4h ago
He’s cheating, I bet he’s on vacation with her right now. Ghost him girl, you’re being played.
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u/who_what_when_314 4h ago
I know this well. He felt how I have felt with relationships that just weren't working for me. I wanted out but didn't want to pull the cord. He's already checked out. "Wants space" is not just a phrase.
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u/bl00mingviolets 4h ago
It kinda sounds like those feelings of guilt, pain and resentment have something to do with him cheating on you.
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u/DoublePatience8627 3h ago
NOR.
Breaks like this rarely ever result in happily ever after later on. I think your best move is to block him, unfriend him on socials & then deactivate your socials for a bit, reconnect with your friends irl (or make new friends), talk to a therapist if you can afford it, and do things that make you happy (art, cooking ,hiking, gym, volunteering - whatever you like) .
Be your own happily ever after for now until you are ready to date again. You got this, OP! I’ve been there before and the devastation does dissipate eventually (for me, it was always about 60-90 days). You can do this!
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u/-------howdy-------- 3h ago
He didn't put in the work to change or respect your boundaries..... What is it you're missing about this dude? More potential situations of emotional infidelity and lying? More ignoring your boundaries and having no respect for you?
I think you miss the idea of this relationship, not the reality of it. I think a lot of people have done that, so don't beat yourself up about it, use it to your advantage. You know what kind of relationship you want. Respectful of your boundaries, faithful and willing to put in the work. Someone who will go the distance, not run away.
Go find someone who fills those qualities. You're worth the work towards your own happiness.
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u/AppearanceOk5806 3h ago
This is not a break. This is his "hall pass". He probably going to sleep with that girl to see where it goes. If it goes well, he'll dump you. If it doesn't work out, he'll miraculously heal himself and "see the error on his way and now you two can be together". Oh and he sleep with that girl you're insecure about but it doesn't count because you guys were "on break" so it's not cheating.
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u/Obvious-Advantage852 3h ago
He sucks and he's lying. DONT BE BLIND, read the sign and leave and don't look back. They just lie and deplete your self worth.
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u/Whatever53143 3h ago
He’s actually having a physical relationship with the girl he lied about. If he’s “on a break” with you, then in his mind he isn’t cheating. He’s keeping you as a backup plan. That’s why he doesn’t know for how long.
Remember, there are no breaks in a relationship, only a breakup! Trust me, he did you a favor! His behavior was sketchy as best! Don’t ever try getting back with him, even if he comes crawling back!
NOR!
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed_808 3h ago
NOR - He doesn’t want to be with you anymore and if you’re completely honest with yourself, you don’t want to be with him either. You don’t even like him or trust him anymore. Think about it. You’re 24. He’s not your person. Move on. The sooner you do, the sooner you can look back at this relationship and laugh.
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u/DanaMarie75038 3h ago
NOR It’s over. Just accept it. He’s probably going out with coworker and you’re just in the way. He just doesn’t want you in his life.
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u/Calgary_Calico 3h ago
There are no breaks, only breakups. Breaks don't work. You know what a break is? It's the person who asked for the break telling you they're gonna go fuck someone else for a while and see if they want to come back to you. DUMP HIM! Seriously, this man has been having an emotional affair with a coworker TWO YEARS into your relationship, and refuses to respect your boundaries, do you think you can change him? Honey no, you can't fix him, you can't save him and you can't change him, only he can do that and he doesn't want to. You've been fighting over the same problem for half your relationship, think about that for a second. There is no relationship to save, LET IT LIE AND STAY DEAD! This is so incredibly toxic and you want it back???
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u/gardenloving 3h ago
He feels guilty because he hasn't changed his behavior. You are broken up. Block him cause he'll only come crawling back when it doesn't work out with the co-worker/new love interest.
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u/ThrustingBoner 3h ago
YOR I wish more young women would realize that there are way too many dudes out there to have to deal with any of this bullshit. The best way to get over an old love is to find a new love.
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u/IdeationConsultant 3h ago
"We have great chemistry... a lot of issues and fighting"
Girl, you ain't got good chemistry. You're young, you've been dumped, time to pick yourself up and move on.
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u/decimalsanddollars 3h ago
If you’re still fighting about “emotional validation” and “closeness” a year later, you need to reflect on why you’re together.
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u/Extension-Movie4768 3h ago
Block that MFer and make sure he can’t come back. It hurts but don’t ever welcome back and accept this level of heartlessness. Take the fact that you even want to repair this as a sign of your floundering self respect and go right to therapy or self help podcasts. Start with Sabrina zohan show about anxious attachment.
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u/XxDrizzledxX 3h ago
NOR- a no contact break is a complete joke; as a male perspective; he’s talking to other women. Period. Leave em.
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u/Feisty-Cloud5880 3h ago
NOR Don't give him that power. Its over. Anything he left behind box up send it to him. Block. Cry. Get your hair done. Move on.
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u/EvaSirkowski 3h ago
You guys are always fighting and you're blind sided by this? Sounds like he made the right choice.
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u/Livid_Paramedic_6973 3h ago
You're wasting your time. "I want a break" means I want tk see if I have better options. If I do; it's goodbye. If I don't, I'll come back so just sit tight!
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u/Minute-Commercial250 2h ago
If he won’t even tell you when the break will end, that’s not a break. NOR
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u/StonedSumo 2h ago
He already cheated on you, and you forgave him. Or did you forget about your other post?
Now you are freaking out because of a "no contact break?"
Girl...have you lost all self respect? Move on, block him, and if he ever tries to speak to you again, ignore.
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u/theawesomepurple 2h ago
When someone show you how they feel by their actions, listen. Especially with men, they are often not big talkers but their actions are accurate.
He’s walked away, dressing this up as a no contact break. There has been a lot more to this that you don’t know.
But on the positive side you aren’t married, you aren’t financially linked. Walking away will hurt emotionally but it’s really not worth chasing after the wrong person.
If he’d felt it was right, he would move heaven and earth to get to you. His actions are shouting NO!
Walk away.
Find the right life partner.
Looking this as a lucky escape and a new opportunity to find the right person.
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u/GinaKJ 2h ago edited 1h ago
YOR
Your relationship is toxic. You two should not be together. It's unhealthy. Get some therapy, separately, and heal, so, that you can move forward in your life. You seem far too emotionally codependent on him. You need to start focusing more on yourself VS the relationship. Your BF was wise to go no-contact with you. You need time & space to grow so hopefully, you respect his wishes and don't reach out. He's working on himself. You ought to do the same.
EDIT: With time & space, you'll see that he isn't the prince you've made him out to be. As others have said, you deserve much better but you won't realize that until you walk away from him, from good.
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u/Ecstatic_Shallot_145 2h ago
this much drama in a 2 year relationship is not healthy or normal. It's most likely going to continue getting worse if you get back together and you're gonna waste more of your life on him
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u/AlaskaRecluse 2h ago
You only listed his faults and poor choices and failures, it seems pretty clear that you’re the only one who kept fighting for a year & when he shows he’s not happy, instead of being concerned about how he’s feeling, you tell him what you need. He’s just tired of it. You need to try to learn from this or you’ll exhaust the next one too
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u/gophins13 2h ago
NOR: you’re under reacting. He hasn’t changed, you bring up the issue with him and he gets upset about it. Now he’s going to work on himself with a break from you. Nah, he’s fucking around and this relationship is/should be over!
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u/CrazyMisSE 1h ago
NOR - He’s definitely wanting this break so he can continue to see whoever he’s seeing right now. It won’t be considered cheating because your guys are now on a break. Don’t let this fool keep you as a backup, you deserve better than that. No contact break, for however long HE decides is a selfish move, so you need to make it permanent.
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u/barebuttgodzilla_ 1h ago
It's a break in the sense that when after he's finished sleeping with the coworker, he'll come back to you. That's if he even comes back. NOR.
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u/Alive-Refrigerator20 1h ago
Unfortunately you are not overreacting but you should be cautious. You’re better off focusing on yourself. Getting back in touch with who you are and truly thinking about what you deserve. How much you value yourself. When guys like this ask for a break (contact or no) it usually means they want freedom to do as they please without it being considered cheating, and honestly sounds like he crossed a line, liked it and wants to explore more (the guilt).
Just be careful girl. This can get toxic really fast & you’ll be in a sticky cycle that’ll just F you up mentally and emotionally for the future - been there done that
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u/mangopeach7 40m ago
No this is a break-up. He wants to work on himself and see other people most likely. Then if nothings comes from it have you on the back burner.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 14m ago
NOR. It’s not a break, it’s a break up. He’s either too cowardly to call it what it is, or he’s keeping you as a back-up for when whatever he wants to start with another woman doesn’t go anywhere. Either way, take it for what it is, and move on. He doesn’t love or respect you, so love and respect yourself enough to never accept being treated as less than you’re worth. Whatever you do, don’t reach out, and don’t take him back when he comes crawling.
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u/Forward-Surprise1192 5h ago
I disagree with the other person he’s seeing other people. There’s no way to know from this. It sounds like you’ve both been fighting a lot and he’s tired of it. The break will give you both a chance to restart if he decides he wants to do that
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u/Potential_Figure4061 5h ago
you should not have been blindsided by this you have been arguing with him for exactly half of the whole time you have been together about something you kind of agreed to get over and now hes tired and wants to not talk to you anymore. that sounds completely reasonable for him to do , maybe you should take this time to work on yourself.
yor
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u/daveliterally 4h ago
He's getting out of a relationship that has you hassling him for intangible shit on a regular basis.
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u/krysnyte 4h ago
YOR Just break up. You are using therapy speak to not forgive him and control him. If you want to make him miserable forever then he's gonna leave. You can't keep holding it over him. LET IT GO, start over or break up. EDIT: Also, I don't think it matters because I'm pretty sure he just broke up with you.
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u/z-eldapin 5h ago
There are no such things as no contact breaks.
It's a break up.
Block and cry for now.
Don't beg for attention from someone that doesn't want to give it to you. You deserve more.