r/stayathomemoms • u/Signal_Chart_3343 • 12h ago
Question sahm with kids in school
are there any mums on here that have all their kids in school? I only see posts of mums with kids who are babies or toddlers which is fair enough ,Im sure its more common to be a sahm and have younger children.But do they exist or am I alone lol .My kids are 4,5,11.Youngest started reception in September and I have been a sahm for 6 years
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u/jmsst1996 11h ago
I was a SAHM with kids in school, but then I got a part-time job as a Para in one of our elementary schools so I was on my kids schedule which was great. And since I worked at a school they understood if I needed to take a day off if one of my kids were sick
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u/Proud-Fennel7961 8h ago
This is my plan once my youngest starts school! (in 6 years lol)
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u/jmsst1996 7h ago
Haha you’ve got awhile to go but it was great. It was nice going to work everyday and feeling needed but it was also nice that when we had a snow day I was off too, same with all the regular school breaks. And I loved seeing my little Kindergarten students become the big 5th graders.
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u/RealisticFarmer2565 7h ago
what is a para?
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u/jmsst1996 7h ago
Paraprofessional. I was a special education Paraprofessional for 2 years so I had 1 student I worked with all day. And for 8 years I was a recess and lunch paraprofessional so basically monitored kids during lunch and recess. Our schools part time secretaries were called Paras.
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u/SasquatchSpouse 11h ago
I only have 1 but he’s in elementary school. I’ve been a SAHM his whole life (other than a year I worked part time during school hours and ended up working entirely from home for a portion of that). In my area it’s pretty much unheard of unless they homeschool.
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u/Signal_Chart_3343 11h ago
its mostly unheard of where I live too,I know one other sahm .I dont know anyone who homeschools.What age is elementary school? Im in the UK
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u/SasquatchSpouse 11h ago
I also know 1 other SAHM who is only SAH because she was let go from her job a little while ago. Grades pre-kindergarten through 5th grade. It can be lonely during the summer especially when the other kids are in camps or summer childcare programs. We try to plan a lot of stuff on the weekends.
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u/Sensitive-Coconut706 9h ago
Elementary typicallg starts around ages 4 or 5 and goes to about 11 but it varies by county as to when the cut offs are or if there are head start programs which can start earlier.
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u/Signal_Chart_3343 9h ago
oh so similar to our primary schools in the uk then
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u/Sensitive-Coconut706 9h ago
Yes. Ours our elementary, middle and high school. Middle tends to be like 12-14 years old and high school goes to 18.
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u/seemsright_41 11h ago
I have been home for 16 years. My kid turns 16 in just over 2 weeks.
I am more busy with a teen home than I ever was when she was little.
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u/Crochet_Koala 5h ago
I’ve heard about this before. Can you explain why you’re more busy with a teen than when she was little? My toddler is 3 and I’m considering becoming a SAHM in 1-2 years.
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u/seemsright_41 4h ago
My kid goes to High School across town, she does not drive yet. (I cannot wait to hand that kid keys to drive herself) and to get her there, and back is 2 hours of my day. I drive there, then I drive home, then I drive there and I drive home. Then she has dance two nights a week, drive there and back. Then she has volunteering, drive there and back. Then She has a school event, or has to take the SAT, or I need new jeans, I am out of deodorant and I forgot to tell you. And so much more negotiations. Then there is the prom dress shopping, has to be taken to find just the right shoes. There goes your entire Saturday.
I will take having a teen over a preschooler forever. Having a Teen is way fun and mine is a pretty cool kid. But it is A LOT and I am just glad I do not have to work full time on top of it all
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u/Crochet_Koala 1h ago
Ah that makes sense, and wow 2 hours driving each day is a lot, but sounds like these problems will go away once she gets her license. You’re almost there!! 😊
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u/accountforbabystuff 11h ago
My mom stayed home my entire life. I loved this as a kid! I wish I could, but I’ll probably have to return to work for financial reasons. I do hope to find a job in the schools to follow their schedule though.
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u/Signal_Chart_3343 9h ago
same here,I dont think I will be a sahm forever but it would likely have to be a job in a school too
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u/Ok_Distance5583 11h ago
My daughter started school last year and I’m still at home. It’s easier for us having someone at home with my husbands unpredictable work schedule.
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u/PleaseShitOnMyFace69 8h ago
Plus you deserve a break too. Every job I’ve ever had I was able to clock out at the end of the day. Being a mom you never clock out
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u/Signal_Chart_3343 11h ago
yep thats one of the main reasons I am a sahm too! We have no child care and even though theyre all in school ,my husband works nights ,lates and early shifts
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u/JDRL320 10h ago
My youngest just graduated high school and my oldest is 21. I’ve found these past couple years have been way busier than when they were in grade school! They didn’t even play sports or were in after school activities! There has just been different schedules going on between the 2 of them.
I have no plans to return to work. However, I do volunteer several days a week.
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u/FuzzyNegotiation6114 11h ago
You are not alone. Both my kids were in elementary before my daughter was born last year. It was nice. I had time to do many projects around the house. Cook healthier food. Garden. Volunteer. Etc. Plus I was always available when kids needed something at school, doctors appts, extracurriculars etc.
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u/Signal_Chart_3343 11h ago
Hi! I Iove being able to get some decorating done and clean while theyre all at school.My kids have so many appointments too ,plus sports clubs .I feel as busy as ever !
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u/PleaseShitOnMyFace69 8h ago
Also what husband who makes good money and works hard wants to come home to a stressed out overworked wife? If I made a lot of money I’d want my partner to be the stay at home dad and I’d even pay for maid service and baby sitters so he could have a break too.
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u/Signal_Chart_3343 8h ago
we definitley dont have that kind of money ( I wish).If we did we would totally be getting a cleaner and baby sitters
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u/PleaseShitOnMyFace69 7h ago
When I was young, single, naive and childfree I used to think stay at home moms were lazy. And that women should work too. I have no idea who I thought was gonna raise the child it was just a narrative that’s been pushed on our younger generations that the woman should work and be the mom and clean and be strong and independent and need no man. Then I became a mom 😆 and I realized how dumb I was and how being a mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had and you never clock out. I eventually got daycare for my son because I needed a break and it’s good for him to be around other kids. My son’s father is always working so he is rarely around and sometimes gone on business trips. I was always against daycare for stay at home moms thinking it’s because they were lazy and strangers raising your kids is wrong. But it’s the only break I get and I’m so much of a happier mom because of it. Before having daycare I was always tired and burnt out and wasn’t actually enjoying time with my son and I’d constantly be praying for his bed time to come around. Of course I love my son and was genuinely happy to be with him but I was so tired I couldn’t enjoy playing it felt so forced. Now that I can take a nap and get stuff done around the house by the time I pick him up from daycare I’m literally so excited to see my best friend. I take him out downtown for three hrs every night and it’s the best part of my day. The burnout was causing me to start drinking again and I couldn’t do that to my family. And it wasn’t even fun it actually made things harder and more tiring. Now I don’t even think about alcohol. When my friends came to visit last month. My son came along the whole evening. And they loved having him. It was like the baby in the hangover he just fit right in: we even stayed up late at the air bnb playing with him and showing him funny edm videos and filming his reaction. My friends were all drinking but it didn’t even cross my mind to have a drink I was just so happy being with all my friends and seeing my son so excited to be the center of the party
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u/Always1994 11h ago
My youngest just finished her kindergarten year. I still consider myself a SAHM for now, but I’m employed with the school system. I’m a substitute assistant. It gives me the freedom to be home/available when I need to be, and take shifts on days that would otherwise be free. It’s also nice to add my checks to our “extras” budget.
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u/Signal_Chart_3343 9h ago
that sounds like an amazing set up
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u/Always1994 8h ago
Right now I’m an assistant to PreK teachers. In my district it only requires a high school diploma/GED. A kinder assistant (for us) requires a test that is an equivalent to an associate degree or having one. (KPA for us) If it interests you, look at your district’s current listings.
It’s insanely flexible. I had taken a shift and my oldest woke up that morning with a fever. I contacted the school, canceled it and that was the end of it. No “consequences” for missing too much, using PTO, etc. Just “I’m sorry for the last minute cancellation, I have a sick kid” and they said “thank you for letting us know!”
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u/MollieUbriacco89 5h ago
This is my exact situation, as well. My youngest will be finished kindergarten in a few weeks, and I am employed as a casual Education Assistant for the school board but only take shifts at my kids’ school and maybe one day per week. This setup works best for my husband’s unpredictable work schedule. It’s not the norm to be a SAHM in our area and I definitely feel the judgment at times, but it’s what works best for our family.
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u/Unperfectbeautie 11h ago
You're not alone! I've been a SAHM since my youngest was born. He'll be 9 this summer. My kids will be in 6th and 3rd grade in the fall. I love it! I have time during the day to get the chores and errands done, so I'm available for my kids after school and on the weekends. I volunteer at school, can schedule appointments as needed, and am available if the school calls. It works for our family. I'm in the US, btw. While the budget is tight some months, we make it work! My husband and I were big savers before we got married and before we had kids.
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u/792bookcellar 11h ago
Hi! My kids are 8&10. I quit working to be a SAHM. I do the bulk of housework, all the cooking, etc. I do most of the kids stuff, volunteer at school, sports, etc.
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u/Euphoric_Mortgage975 7h ago
This is exactly what I do. I am plenty busy! I like not having to stress about what to do when the kids are sick home from school or need a ride to sports and I get to volunteer at their school.
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u/Haunting-Respect9039 11h ago
My kids are little, but I don't plan to go back to work when they're in school. I look forward to volunteering at school, being the house friends come to, all that stuff. I love baking bread from scratch, making silly toys on the 3d printer. There are so many things I'll be able to do more regularly when the kids are in school. Plus, cleaning! My house is chaos and I will be thrilled to have time to clean.
For me, SAHM life is the plan as long as we can afford it. I love being home with my babies.
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u/CheesyRomantic 11h ago
🙋♀️ My kids are in primary school and high school.
I became a SAHM when my 1st started kindergarten and my 2nd was still in daycare. Circumstances lead it to be that way.
I don't intend to go back to work, but if I absolutely have to I will.
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u/LoveSaidNo 9h ago
I actually didn’t become a SAHM until my son was in elementary school! He’s 11 now. I had a good job and a decent income, but my husband earns enough that we didn’t need it and we wanted less stress in our life. Now that I handle all the cooking, housework, errands, scheduling, school stuff, sports, other kid-related things, our lives have gotten way easier.
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u/PleaseShitOnMyFace69 8h ago
School is your only break. And even then most of the time is spent cooking dinner and cleaning and being on call when someone gets sick and needs a ride. Plus not many jobs that pay decently will accommodate a 9-3pm schedule with no weekend or holiday or summer availability. The only job you could do really is working at the school they go to. If your husband makes good money and can’t help out much with the kids then this is the best way in my opinion. And if you wanna turn a hobby into a little home business you have the opportunity to.
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u/Civil-Program-4972 11h ago
Yes! I ended up becoming a pilates instructor to give myself something to do. But I won’t go back to working full time unless some crisis happens with my husband because I’m still needed during the day, to volunteer with the PTO, emergency pickups, carpool would be in the middle of the workday…. There’s lots of us in my area (southeast USA)
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u/MentalFairy 11h ago
I have two at primary school and one at nursery three times a week.
I generally don’t mention it to anyone that I’m a SAHM, and I don’t know any other SAHMs.
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u/ChristmasDestr0y3r 9h ago
My oldest (6 & 9) are school aged children, but I have an 18 month old. I went back to work for a year but then we decided to have another baby before I (44) couldn't have anymore. Now I'm back to staying home.
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u/canoe4you 8h ago
I’ve been a stay at home mom for 17 years. My youngest is 2 but there was a large gap in there where it was just elementary school age. My oldest has significant behavioral issues though so trying to work when she has meltdowns and crisis frequently has not been practical. I made the decision not to return to work when I could barely complete my associates degree because I had to leave classes frequently to go attend to her.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 8h ago
I was a sahm for the duration of raising my kids to adulthood. That wasn’t my plan initially, however, I was persuaded by my ex to take over everything having to do with our home and kids and couldn’t have even worked a part time job because I was busy with all their activities and appointments and had no help. I wanted to be a sahm but thought I would have a job when they were older.
I felt judged harshly by people who thought I just sat around all day. I never had family help and I was super busy. I used to take a break in the middle of the day but was up before my ex and was taking care of things most nights until ten at night when my ex had been relaxing since 6.
Most of my sahm friends went back to school and/or work or opened businesses as their kids got older (like high school). I think it’s important to work on a “second act” if you stay home this long.
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u/Euphoric_Mortgage975 7h ago
I kind of wish we had our own separate community of SAHMs of school age children where we could chat.
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u/flutie08 7h ago
I think it’s rarer these days. My mom stayed home with us our whole childhood - my youngest brother is in college now and she is still a “homemaker” Dad works and she manages all the accounts, meal prep, house projects, and appointment schedules.
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u/Shot_Gap6782 7h ago
I'm a SAHM with all 3 kids in school. I don't ever plan to work full time again. We have a busy life and the fact that I can get all household related work done during the day so that our family can be together at various activities in the evenings or just spend time together, is invaluable to us. I am very involved at my kid's schools, run a well managed home, cook a hot breakfast for the kids every morning and dinner most nights, and stay on top of all scheduling/activities/laundry etc. and am able to feel fairly refreshed when the kids get home from school and the busyness of our afternoons start. I am also able to read during the day in a quiet house, go out to coffee with friends, exercise, etc and I'm very happy. My husband says all the time that he doesn't know how we'd do it all if I had a full-time job outside the home and is very grateful for how I set up our family for success.
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u/Euphoric_Mortgage975 7h ago
My kids are 14 and 16. I actually worked when they were younger and quit when they were 10 and 12. I felt that they needed me more at those ages and their after school schedules became so much busier too (sports, etc.). I am a SAHM even though they are older and I don’t regret it. We are able to do it financially and it works best for our family. I do occasionally get bored so I am starting to look for more volunteering work during school hours as they get older. I don’t know if I will ever go back to a full time career unless my husband were to lose his job.
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u/hlg16 7h ago
It’s funny, I never thought I would want to be a SAHM but that all changed when we needed IVF to conceive and now all I want is to stay home with our son. I unfortunately can’t right now due to student loans for a degree I no longer care if I use or not. As soon as they are paid off I will be leaving full time work. My son will likely be in kindergarten by then but we figured it would be nice for me to do pick up and drop off and after school snacks and volunteering at the school. I wish I had the means to stay home now while he’s little but not the way the cookie crumbled for us. All my friends think I’ll stay full time since he will be in school when the time comes “because there’s no reason to be home when he’s in school” but I know there are plenty of things to keep me busy and keep our household running possibly more smoother than it is now 😂
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u/thatconfusedchick 6h ago edited 6h ago
I am. I have a 12 year old and a 15 month old. Ive been a sahm for 12 years, but a few ywars back in worked part time at his school and now I'm back sahm full time bc of baby
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u/BumblebeeSuper 5h ago
I will probably stay a sahm when my kids go to school. My husband tells me it's my time to reclaim everything I put on hold for the years I was pregnant and our kids were babies.
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u/Llamagoat99 5h ago
I have a 8 and 5 year old and don’t plan on going back anytime soon. My husband works 2 weeks away from home then 1 week at home so it just works best for us.
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u/Lost-District-3686 3h ago
I fully planned to go back to work. I had worked hard for 2 degrees and was finally in a position that was the best for ME. I had her and everything changed. I resigned when she was 8 weeks old. I had so many offers to consult with huge corporates but remote in my work is not doable. So I turned it down. She is 17 now and apart from literally printing courier slips for my husbands business I am a SAHM. My second is 9 and even when he goes to university I will not go back to work. If circumstances change I will do what I have to. But no plans right now to go back.
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u/megz_0219 13m ago
My oldest last day of 3rd of school is tomorrow. Come August my oldest and my middle will be in school (4th and kindergarten) and my youngest will be home with me. I have no plans on going back into the work force because we plan on trying for at least 1 more maybe two more kiddos.
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u/Complete-Tip5919 11m ago
I’m a SAHM with an 18 and 15 year old. It makes life so much easier. There are a ton of school holidays, sick days, not to mention SUMMER. Even if they are old enough to be alone it’s nice when they need rides or want to have friends over. Plus they need pick up from practices, etc. Everything is done by me during the day so we can all relax on weekends.
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u/NewWestGirl 11h ago
I grew up with a stay at home mom who never returned to work and it was wonderful!! She was able to volunteer at my school, home with snacks when got off school ect. My baby is still young but I 100% have zero plans to return. This is the norm in my family (both my highly educated sister in laws stay home too)