r/stayathomemoms • u/Expelliarmus09 • 1d ago

Discussion When do the mind games stop?

For those of you that have a child or children that play mind games at bed time, when does it stop? My first was nothing like this but my second makes bed time difficult in some way every night. It’s exhausting. She’s 6 and it feels like there’s no end in sight. My husband and I swap putting her to bed each night. Sometimes I have to leave while he’s putting her to bed so she will be good. Once I’m gone she’s a different person. It’s so frustrating and I find myself in a state of dread when I do have to put her to bed.

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u/BumblebeeSuper 1d ago

Instead of thinking about it as a mind game (which has heavy negative implications for a 6 year old) think of it as another development phase. 

  All their feelings come out through action.

   They feed off your energy. They feed off tension or stress from parents. They feel all of it. They don't know what it is they're feeling or how to process it. 

  They look to you for guidance and to model your behaviour. They're going to test what they can get away with constantly. 

  I can't stand fussiness at bedtime. We're all tied, just get ready and go to sleep. It's one of the most frustrating things for me as well.

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u/Expelliarmus09 1d ago

We make it a point to connect with her before bed every night. We read a book then talk about her day. Her games feel very deliberate and it just sucks the energy right out of me. Tonight it was over having her AC on. She said she was hot so we turned it on. Once I say goodnight and get downstairs she says she’s cold. I go up and shut it off and as I switch it she immediately says she’s hot. So I obviously started to get frustrated. It’s something like this every night. I mean heck I even have to have a rule on the size of a stuffie that’s allowed in her bed. Anything less than 3” isn’t allowed because if it goes missing in blankets in the night she wakes and searches for it and may even wake me. Also a rule is we don’t take stuffies that we sleep with every night to school or even let them leave the bed because that has turned into chaotic searches for particular stuffies.

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u/Ok-Material-2266 1d ago

Have you tried some sensory output activities before bedtime? I'm sure you've developed a pretty good nighttime routine. At some point, you may need to be extra stern, and after spending an appropriate amount of time with them, snuggling, reading, talking...there needs to be a point where it's time to be done. You can try and make it clear to your daughter that at that point, mom and dad are leaving. They don't HAVE to go straight to sleep, they can read or play or sing to themselves but they need to stay in their room. It will definitely take some practice, but I have heard that this tends to work for some people!

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u/Expelliarmus09 1d ago

Well she rollerbladed up and down our street before bed tonight. She doesn’t stop moving until the minute she falls asleep. We have the same bedtime we’ve had since she was a baby. We are super super stern because we’re just so tired. We want easy bedtimes so she can get to bed quickly if we have evening plans such as practice for big sis or doing something a weekend evening. I find myself having pretty bad anxiety if we have to be out even a bit later in the evening especially since if she goes to bed later she usually wakes earlier. I’m just hoping it’s a phase but she’s never been easy so some other hard phase will start up right after I’m sure.