r/southafrica • u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 • 2d ago
Discussion I scratched my mom's car, Advice.
I scratched my mom's, now I need advice.
I was preparing for an interview but the house was loud, so I took the car without asking so I could go somewhere quiet and prepare there. The spot I thought of had some people there so I decided to drive back.
While driving back I scratched the car, now I don't know what to do. The problem is this is not the first time, I've done this stupid shit before once.
I'm thinking of running away from my problems if it wasn't for the interview and somethings I've planned for today and tomorrow, I would have left by now, called her on the phone and informed her of what I did, but I have that interview.
The tensions have been high at home and this will only serve to escalate it.
The scratch is worse from the side.
What should I do?
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u/Ashmoh12 2d ago
You have to just own up, apologize and promise to pay for it as soon as you start work. Dont lie because either will catch up with you.
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
You can't lie about something this big, I'm just afraid of facing this issue head on.
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u/benevolent-badger !ke e: /xarra //ke 2d ago
I've been there. Backed my dad's car into a tree. I was shitting myself. I called him outside when I got back and showed him. I survived that day and now it's all long forgotten. You'll get through it
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
The problem is that this is the second time I've done this.
Oh father God.
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u/benevolent-badger !ke e: /xarra //ke 2d ago
Well, you survived last time, didn't you. And, now you've learned your lesson, and will never drive again. Because I don't think any one could survive a third one. But stop stressing about this issue now. Tell your mom, and then deal with the fallout later. Focus on the interview
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
She's sleeping, should I wake her up or wait for her to wake up?
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u/UbuntuElphie Chosen to Stay Behind (Lucky Packet Edition) 1d ago
Wait. Do you want to deal with a grumpy mother who was woken early from her nap, or a more rested mom who may be less likely to explode due to fatigue?
There is a reason for the saying, "Don't wake a sleeping bear."
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u/Sea_Lie7392 1d ago
Out of curiosity if something happens at your prospective new job, are you going to run away as well? It's part of life, growing up etc. at the end of the day sh*t happens by accident or out of our control. Own your accidents will bode you well in the work environment.
With my line of work when someone does a no no and owns up to it they are still there 2 years later when I go to renew licences for machinery. However the people who cover up are gone with the wind...
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u/mkrugaroo 2d ago
Chill it's literally just a scratch
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u/CheriePauper 1d ago
some parents are abusive
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1d ago
[deleted]
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 1d ago
There's a lot more reasons to why I didn't want to face this one specifically.
I own up to my mistakes and I prefer to fix them as soon as I can, if I can't fix them that's what bothers me, that's where the problem kinda starts. I once worked at KFC, I owned up to my mistakes when I made and asked what I should have done differently if I can't figure it out myself, someone even asked once "why I told them that I did that, they wouldn't have figured it if I kept quiet", or reporting things that didn't necessarily need reporting just to ensure that they're accounted for by management.
Narcissistic... maybe a bit, checked those "requirements" on the web I'm like a 3-4 out of 10 at best, but I am a bit antisocial for sure.
This mistake just hit different in a way that even I can't explain fully, even with all the time in the world.
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u/Zortec99 2d ago
If you run away from such a small problem, you will run away from everything in life. Take ownership of this, learn from it and don’t do it again unless you can afford the consequences of your actions.
Parents will understand but make sure you cover the cost eventually.
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u/Due_Lobster6519 2d ago
That was messed up of you mate. Taking her car without asking. But I’m sure you already know that. Tell her what happened and don’t get defensive. Apologize…. And get it fixed when you get a job. That’s the short term fix. Long term fix: introspection.
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 1d ago edited 1d ago
Update!!!
I woke her up and I told her. I got chewed out but I got chewed up more for other things that were causing the tension in the house. They're both long stories, and I don't want to get into them, but I was fully at fault for the first one and partially at fault for the second one.
I owned up to my mistakes, the car dent is forgiven, the rest is not and I've asked to go back home to the village by end of June if I don't get back any feedback after this interview.
Anyways thank you all for your involvement and inputs in this matter, they've really helped out. I don't know what I would be doing as we speak if it wasn't for you. And thank you to the community mods for not taking the post down.
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u/adorable_monster1062 4h ago
Good on you for telling her. But OP, take a breath once in a while. I think your nervous system is fried. It seems like you have been trying to keep head above water, and already live in a stressful environment.
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u/abbiestherrm 2d ago
OP the reason people are telling you to just tell your mum is because there have been hundreds and thousands of people that have been in your situation. Yes, she will be angry at you for being irresponsible. But at least that’s all that has happened. Let her be angry with you cause there are situations way worse when people have taken their parents’ car without their permission and ended up in fatal situations or life altering situations.
This anger may be there for a while. She may nag you. Get annoyed with you and so on. She’ll be angry out of frustration cause no one likes it when you take their stuff without asking. It’s like if your little cousin took your phone while you’re away from it and they accidentally drop it and it’s cracked. Won’t you be upset?
Anyways, just own up to it man. Let your mum’s anger be your worst case scenario
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u/_AngryBadger_ KwaZulu-Natal 2d ago
What are you hoping for us to say? You messed up, be an adult, take responsibility. Apologise and make a plan to pay for the repairs as you start making money. There is nothing else you can do. If you're able to go to job interviews and take responsibility for a job, you're old enough to apologise to your mom and offer to pay for the damage as you start getting money in. Running from your problems doesn't work, eventually you'll turn around and they'll all be there waiting for you.
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
I don't know man, I guess I was hoping for some "Go ahead, run" advice.
I'm unemployed currently, I can't really fix my mistakes right now. I can't face my mom's wrath.
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u/Swatizen 2d ago
It’s just your mom.
You’ll be alright when the swelling goes down.Thank heavens it’s not a stranger.
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u/LieutenantDan97 2d ago
Bro I promise it will be OK, your mom's gana flip for sure but it's OK, it's too damaged to hide so just please learn from this! Don't run away, that's just gana make your mom more angry when you end up back at home because you don't have money at your current stage in life. Imagine becoming a homeless person because you injured your mom's car. Not worth it.
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u/Doc_ENT 2d ago edited 1d ago
You own up and pay for the repair. What else were you hoping to be advised?
Edit: I just read your post again, and I'm SMH even harder. You took the car without permission. You then scratched it badly, having done it before. And now you want to run away from your problem? (And this is assuming you have a licence - do you? If not that adds to the disbelief)
If I was the person interviewing you, it tells me you have ZERO sense of responsibility or accountability and no way in hell will I give you a job.
Think about that before you decide what to do. When the interviewer asks "So what kind of person are you?" Will you say "Well I'm an honest, hardworking person?" Because your intended action indicates otherwise.
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 1d ago
Yeah, I messed up badly and it is for the fact that this is the second time I've done it that haunts and hurts me. Right now it's only "I shouldn'ts" and "should haves" in my head. I hope this lesson sticks this time unlike the first time around, And I hope to do better, to be better overall.
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u/Doc_ENT 1d ago
You don't hope. You resolve to do better, and you do better. An attitude change and growing up is what is required. You're missing the point entirely. It's not that you did something wrong. Everyone makes mistakes. The true test of character is how you handle the mistake. And I'm sorry to say, based on your post and replies you are not handling it well. You're more worried about how it makes YOU feel, than making amends. That is the problem, not that you made the mistake. On the plus side at least you admit you messed up. That's a start.
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u/ChampionshipHot5468 Western Cape 2d ago
You should grow TF up, that's what.
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u/OutlandishnessOk2398 2d ago
Agreed, you gonna run every time something is difficult? Boo hoo, face what you did
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u/optionjuicer6 2d ago
Few scratches are okay, unfortunately for you that also looks dented.
I once had scratched a car from home but fortunately I was out of the City and had a little cash saved which i used to go get the scratches fixed and the job took about a day and a half by someone I found around (paint correction + fixing the dent).
In your case, those scratches look very deep and a scratch removing kit wouldn’t help fix most of those.
Unfortunately, you might have to chest this one bud. Take accountability, apologise and explain you needed some space to prepare for your interview.
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2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
I haven't told, I'm still parked at the park... I want to be able to tell but not eye to eye, not face to face.
A bit of a distance in between us, I feel like I've been a thorn in this woman's bums for too long and she clearly is not happy that I'm not doing anything to contribute at home.
I don't want to hear the words that will come out of her. And she's got anger issues her actions will be very unpredictable.
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u/Palindrome1995 2d ago
There you have the answer yourself. Tel her, let this pass. Then be a help around the house, not financially till you gt a job, but chores, clean, make dinner, be a nice person and easy to live with.
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u/Payne2404 1d ago
Go home naaier. Face the music, you'll dance for a bit but then the song will come to an end. You did this to your self mate, and owning up to it and taking accountability for your actions is the best thing you can do for YOURSELF. Running, if you run... You'll probably end up on the streets, cause that's probably the one thing you wouldn't be able to run from. Also, I hope you're back home with your mom's car, cause imagine she wakes up and her car is not there when she wants to use it, then when her car does get returned, there's a dent and scratches that weren't there when you parked. Go home, man the fuck up and tell her face to face, apologise and promise to fix it when you get a job. Even if she does get it fixed, keep your promise, and give her money for the damage you cause today. Also, help around the house bra, do the chores and shit, if you can't cook, that's fine but help out my guy!
Don't be a loafer, be lekka.
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u/bobcatsdad Aristocracy 2d ago
Agreeing w other comments. Apologize and commit to getting it repaired
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
I would sell my soul to fix this issue right here, right now.. but I'm not in a situation where I can do that.
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u/Cold_Succulent 2d ago
Shame, you sound like you are really panicking about this. Honestly, it's just a scratch, the car still works. Accidently scratching a car happens to every driver at some point. You're human this is not a sign of failure. Face your mom, coz honestly that shows courage. So instead of this being an incident of shame, by going home owning up to it you can turn it into an incident of growth and that you can be proud of. Hey who knows you could even use it in the interview if they ask have you ever had to do something difficult 😅
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u/Burfurk_Owens 2d ago
I know what it's like having a mom that goes ballistic.. but dude, just own up and tell her - that's what a man would do.
People respect you when you own your shit and be honest and straight up with them. Lying is wrong and she will be able to tell if you're lying, so it's not gonna work either way.
When you fix her car after you get a job, she will be proud, trust, because that shows character and that you don't run away from your problems like a little kid.
You will feel better and you will get through this.
No amount of money is worth your soul.1
u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
And somehow I hope she does go ballistic, it's way more preferable than silent resentment.
I don't want to lie, it was never the intention to start with, I just don't want to be in this situation.
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u/Burfurk_Owens 1d ago
You sound like you're aware of your mistake and want to make it right, so I think you'll be OK. Good luck!
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u/Unique-Ad6086 2d ago
At the end of the day it’s just a car, your mother will value your honesty and willingness to help repair the vehicle more than anything else. So do the right thing and speak to her.
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
Yeah I don't know about that but we'll see hey, we'll see.
I'm not even able to prepare for that interview that was the initial reason why I took the car.
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u/Payne2404 1d ago
If you own up to your erroneous ways, you'll be able to focus on that interview 😊
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u/LieutenantDan97 2d ago
Yeah that's not a scratch that's a full on dent. Just be honest, shit happens. As long as you weren't drunk or driving like an ass it's fine, insurance will pay. I dented my dad's car when I was 18 and felt like a real dipshit but he was only angry for like 2mins then said I have to be more careful. And from then I was.
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
I'm not covered under her insurance. Dotsure.
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u/LieutenantDan97 1d ago
Your mom just needs to lie and say she was driving. Not recommending this just saying that's how that would work for insurance to cover it.
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u/Kisanna 1d ago
Why are you taking her car without her permission if you're not covered under her insurance? That is so reckless. What if you got into an accident and the car was written off? There's no way they would cover it then.
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 1d ago
That would have been the worst thing to happen for sure. I don't know what I would have done or what she would have done.
It's not something that I thought about when I took the car, as in my head I wasn't going that far. But I will need to start using this type mindset for my day to day life.
I hope and pray to never drive that car again, permission or not, I regret taking those car keys.
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u/rtwrx2021 2d ago
All the best for your interview. You will get the job and can pay your mom back later.
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u/Pretend_Cover_2729 1d ago
Run and hide China!!
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u/Dr-Geologist2 Free State 1d ago
Or change his identity and go to Cuba
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u/Pretend_Cover_2729 1d ago
Either way his mother's slipper will always find his face, like a homing missile
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u/DiversityFire84 2d ago
Firstly relax. As far as scratches go this isn't that bad. You should own up to it but you just need to calm down first and remember at least you're okay. At least you didn't dent it. Plus something this will be forgotten about in like a week or so.
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u/Mr-Lungu 2d ago
You know, so you will get chewed out. You’ve been chewed out before. Everyone will move on within 2 days. It happens. Just a small scratch
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u/da_PopEYE 2d ago
Lt. Aldo Raine, I presume
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
What's that?
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u/Mr-Lungu 1d ago
From a movie. Inglorious bastards.
Quite apt for you2
u/da_PopEYE 1d ago
Because you mentioned being chewed out. I loved that quote from him at the end
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u/Mr-Lungu 1d ago
Sorry. I meant quite apt for OP. Probably good for you too. We have all been chewed out ha!
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
It ain't just a scratch it's a dent.
I don't know how I'm gonna be able to live with myself knowing what I've done.
I'm even thinking of asking her to send me back to the village end of June. Looking at her and looking at the car will just pain me on a daily basis.
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u/Mr-Lungu 1d ago
Bro. No. Face up to it. Don’t be a martyr. You made a mistake. Own it and move on Don’t play the sympathy card. “Ma, I fucked up. I’m sorry. I will do my best to fix it. “
Only the most demon of demons will make a huge deal out of it. You will get yelled at and then it will be over.
Don’t get defensive, don’t go all sorry. Just be an adult and be respectful towards her and towards the lesson you learned. Every single person in the world does something like this at some point.
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u/c4t4ly5t Rapture-Proof Like a Hilux 1d ago edited 1d ago
Take responsibility and tell your mom. She may be upset, but it won't be the end of the world. I know it sucks, but it's the adult thing to do.
Be prepared to potentially have your access to the car restricted for a while.
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u/John_Bones_ 1d ago
Oh man you're going straight to John Mongrel jail!
Relax. Tell your mom it was an accident, she likely has insurance that'll sort it out
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u/Professional-Cat3191 1d ago
Well to be fair, if I were her I’d be pretty pissed. I think it’s warranted in this situation.
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u/its_MrCuddles 1d ago
Part of growing up involves facing your problems straight instead of cowering away. Trust me you'll look back at this years from now (or even a few months from now) and laugh about it.
So, no don't run. Own up and apologize, maybe even figure out a way to help your mom with the repair costs. That way you'll feel better about yourself and have the confidence to face future problems. You've got this 💪🏾
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u/fostermonster555 1d ago
Been there! Borrowed my dad’s car and scratched it. I was Boksburg side for work, so I called up a bunch of shops in that area, sent them photos, got quotes, went and dropped the car off, Ubered back to work, fetched it in the afternoon, and my dad was none the wiser.
Mine was a scratch though. Yours looks like a dent
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u/maaan_fuck_a_roach 1d ago
Sounds like you're in need of a dust filter for a Hoover Max Extract Pressure Pro Model 60
Seriously though, take accountability and help fix things...and stop taking things that aren't yours without asking first
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u/One_Resolution_3501 1d ago
Bro. Confess. You don’t have another option at this point.
Looking for a job so you don’t have the money to run away (yet). Best option is to own up and face her wrath. Run away when you are employed is for the future.
Do not take your mom’s car….. or anyone’s car for that matter without getting their permission is future!
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u/Mikeyjay666 1d ago
Own up my g. Accountability is what’s missing in most adults.
All problems can be handled when you’re mature and one up to your shit, yes it’s gonna be gnarly and you’re going to feel like a total twat for a while, this is just how you grow and learn!
One day this will seem so small and insignificant.
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u/cronjefourieza 1d ago
Put a bunch of folded two ply TP in your pants, it will help soften the blow from the hiding you’re about to get 😂 Seriously though, own up and say you’ll pay the insurance excess or a body shop to fix it
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u/memesformen95 Landed Gentry 1d ago
Been there just fess up and pay the insurance so it can get fixed, I do hope there is insurance a fix like that is expensive.
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u/nark0__ 1d ago
i rear ended a bakkie with my mom's car sometime last year, i promise if its just a scratch you'll be fine lol
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 1d ago
Yeah, it took a second time for me to learn this lesson, I wish I would have learned the first time.
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u/lostoneyyyyyyy 1d ago
8 hours later, is OP still alive? or did he go sit in a corner when his mom yelled at him?
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 1d ago
I'm still alive.
Sit in the corner, that's not punishment, that's vacation haha.
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u/Univerkira 20h ago
Aaah your post just reminded me….I have 2 dents that I am waiting for my kiddo to own up to. I have the neighbours footage and know exactly what happened. The longer they take to tell me, the longer the belt. Thanks had forgotten.
Rule of thumb, a (normal) parent doesn’t care as much as you think about material damage - but is touched deeply by how you respond after making such mistakes.
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
Thanks Reddit, let me go home and confess my mistakes. I'll tell you how it goes.
In the meantime can I please get some advice about how I can get the money.
If you're around Midrand Halfway House, Clayville, Ivory Park, Ebony park and need anything done, please contact me, I really need to raise the funds to fix my mistake.
I was hoping to get my brother on call so he can tell at me first that but unfortunately he's at work, it would have really helped a lot.
Thank you for your advice if it wasn't for that, I would probably be going homeless tonight and ended up dead some where...though I still might go homeless but I'm gonna leave that choice to my mom. I've already made mine and look where it got me.
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u/SnooDonkeys6173 1d ago
There is no need to want punishment for yourself for such a minor accident. I once got into an accident (motorcycle crashed into the side of the car) as I was turning into the police station. Was deathly scared of getting arrested and my Dad disowning me. Ran away that night, changed my mind and went back home. My Dad couldn’t believe why I would want to run away for mistake that can be fixed and reassured me that he would never kick me out if I was honest and remorseful. Your Mom will be angry but she will get over it. Just be honest and commit to working hard and showing that you are responsible and not capable of sneaking out with her car keys. Understand that you broke her trust and she will need some time to see you as a responsible adult
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
I just got home, she's still asleep. She came back from night shift and went to sleep.
Should I wake her up and tell her or wait for her to wake up.
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u/liesoflondon 1d ago
Do not wake her up! That would only annoy her more after a long night working. Let her sleep without stress now and tell her as soon as she wakes up! I mean as soon as brother.
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u/Genius_woods 1d ago
Drive better next time
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 1d ago
The next car I drive better be mine, I ain't touching nobody's car from now on.
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u/Genius_woods 1d ago
Do you have any siblings? Put it back like no one touched it and next time a sibling goes near it blame them
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u/Emergency_Air9647 1d ago
I see you asked before if the car is damaged because you over revved it - Life is expensive today and I am sure your parents just want the best for you - Catching on nonsense is part of life but you have to learn to own up to your mistakes and also learn to better yourself as a person otherwise you are going to have a tough path through life things could have been worse what if some drunk dude drove into you and wrote the car off? don't take what is not your without permission and if the person lets you borrow something then look after it as it is your own
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u/Horizon2217 3h ago
Not really what I would call a scratch💀 Either way it's best to just be honest and promise to pay for it. You'll only dig a deeper hole trying to lie.
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u/Ok-Independent-850 2d ago
Run
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u/Remarkable_Goat_2172 2d ago
Too late man, if only this comment had come sooner. I've already made up my mind to just confess.
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