Sleep Consultant AMA

[u/hss_2018]

Hi! I’m Ashley Olson, certified sleep consultant and founder of Heaven Sent Sleep. I’ve been working with families officially for a little over 7 years, but sleep education has been a hobby of mine for about 9 years after sleep training our first child.

I’m an enneagram type 5 which means I LOVE information. When I find something I’m interested in, I want to know everything. So it was no surprise that digging ourselves out of the sleep deprivation hole we were in led to becoming obsessed with infant sleep— but more than that, how it affects the whole family and how I can support the whole family to work together in improving sleep for everyone.

Fun fact: I sleep trained my first son via the internet and message boards! So while it was hard navigating different opinions, advice, etc— this kind of community will always hold a special place in my heart. 🥰

As a sleep consultant, I specialize more in infant sleep and using gradual methods of sleep training. While I know and believe methods like Ferber and extinction are valid evidence based options, most families come to me seeking something different and I’m happy to help with using less straight forward options. The more a family believes in what they’re doing, they will have less guilt after the fact and more commitment to see it through (in my experience) and that’s often what matters most!

In 2021, my business partner and I founded The Collective for Family Rest and Wellness (www.familyrestandwellness.com) to certify others wanting to become a sleep consultant because we want to level up the field of sleep consulting, provide evidence based information, many many many ways of supporting families, and focus on the holistic aspect of coaching with intention and grace.

As a thanks for hosting me, I created a 15% off discount code (REDDIT) for our Ultimate Sleep Support plan available through the end of the month (valid for 3 uses only). You can access that here!

You can also find me on Instagram (www.instagram.com/heavensentsleep) where I’m able to respond better to comments, DMs and question boxes in stories! I love hanging out over there and getting to know people better. 💜

Edit: THANKS SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME!! I signing off for the evening, but I do free question days on Instagram every week on Wednesday and I answer every question I get there!! Come say hi!

[u/manthrk]

What formal training do you have to be a sleep consultant?

[u/hss_2018 → u/manthrk]

I completed a certification course in 2018 and have done 20+ continuing education hours every year since. I’ve also worked with over 3,000 families in that span of time.

It is an unregulated field and does not require any training whatsoever but science is my jam!

[u/not_you_anymore]

How to handle sleep hygiene when traveling. Say we are changing 4 hour time zone for a vacation for 1 week. How to help kids handle time changes of all ages (young babies, 1 year old, toddler, etc).

[u/hss_2018 → u/not_you_anymore]

Depends on which direction (gaining or losing those hours) but the best thing is getting on local time ASAP the morning you wake up there with sunlight and following their normal schedule from there!

[u/avacadoontoasts]

Hi Ashley! Thank you for doing this. I have a 10.5 month old who wakes up 2-3, sometimes 4 times a night. It’s mostly sometime around 1am and 4-5am. He is breastfed and I exclusively nurse him, so when he wakes at night I’m the only one who can settle him. He will sometimes accept dad puts him to sleep, but nursing is always apart of that.

In a typical day he wakes up at 7am, naps around 10:30-11:45, naps again around 3:15-3:45/4ish and goes to bed around 7:30/8 (4 hour wake window at the end of the day).

How do I get him to stop waking up at night?

[u/hss_2018 → u/avacadoontoasts]

If he isn't falling asleep independently to start the night at bedtime, that's where I start with nearly every family! How they fall asleep is the biggest predictor in night time wakings and has the biggest payoff in elongating those night time sleep stretches.

[u/DizzyEntertainment60 → u/avacadoontoasts]

This is my EXACT situation! Only mine wakes at 6am and goes to bed at 8pm. 😭😭😭 Help us please!!

[u/katielyn30 → u/avacadoontoasts]

Also in the exact same situation! 10.5 mo old exclusively breastfed + solids. He falls asleep independently for bedtime but wakes anywhere from 2 - 5 times a night

[u/hss_2018 → u/katielyn30]

Feed ends 30+ mins before bedtime?

[u/CSmitty0417 → u/katielyn30]

This is my situation with my 10.5 month old too! Goes down independently, feed ends well before booty in bed, but still wakes 2-5x/night wanting to nurse

[u/AnnieBanannie4]

Hi Ashley! Would love some insight to my 7m olds naps. He was sleep trained for nights using modified Ferber at 5m and still wakes once a night for a feed (tackling night weaning soon…). He is on 3 naps in the crib but cannot fall asleep independently or connect sleep cycles for naps so I am shush/patting for all naps and then shush/patting to extend his second nap. I’m returning to work soon and will have grandma watching him. I’d love for naps to be easier for her. I’ve tried Ferber and crib hour but he just screams and I have seen no improvement. This is our schedule:

Wake: 7am Nap 1: 9:30-10:00 Nap 2: 12:30 - 2 (I extend) Nap 3: 4:15/4:30 - 4:45/5 Bed: 7:45/8

Thanks!!!

[u/hss_2018 → u/AnnieBanannie4]

How many days in a row did you attempt sleep training? And what is his nap routine?

[u/AnnieBanannie4 → u/hss_2018]

I tried one week of each and had no progress.

Nap routine is an abbreviated version of his bedtime routine. We do clean diaper, remove any uncomfortable clothes, sleep sack, blackout shades and curtains, sound machine, lullaby

[u/TAMUkt14]

Hey there!

Looking for assistance with our 3 year old. We did the Ferber method to sleep train him at 5 months old and everything went great and smooth. He was always a great sleeper. However, the past ~4 months have been terrible. He goes to bed normally but will wake anywhere from 1-7 times a night. Sometimes it’s to use the bathroom, but most of the times he just walks back to his bed and goes back to sleep. It only happens with us too. When he stays with grandparents he can sleep through the night, no issue.

We’ve tried to make these wake up moments as boring as possible so he’s not waking up to have fun. We have a red/green light schedule so he knows when he can leave his room and not, but he just ignores the lights. We’ve also tried to use incentives to keep him in his bedroom for but those hardly work.

Any tips on preventing these middle of the night meetups?

[u/hss_2018 → u/TAMUkt14]

What’s his schedule?

[u/Tam936]

Is it actually true that toddlers should go to bed at 8pm? Mine goes to sleep at 9pm and wakes anytime between 7.45am-9am.

[u/hss_2018 → u/Tam936]

There’s no one set time that any child of any age needs to go to bed. They all have their own unique sleep needs and rhythms.

[u/brandib26 → u/[deleted]]

I’m much in the same boat. I feel like my daughter is on a good schedule to the point of doing down for naps around the same time each day but never know how long they’re going to last.

[u/hss_2018 → u/[deleted]]

I’m not sure I’d push it really… the 5:30 may be an early waking that could be problem solved with some schedule tweaking!

[u/sabrina1496]

Hi Ashley! I have an almost 7 month old who is currently very close to crawling, cutting teeth and transitioning to 2 naps. Sleep at night is for the most part good in the sense that we don’t get a lot of false starts and he pretty much feeds to sleep when he wakes in the night. The only thing is the first stretch of sleep is usually 3-4 hours max and then he’s up every 2 hours the rest of the night. Will he grow out of this or is there something I should be doing to get longer stretches at night? He’s EBF.

Right now he sleeps around 7-7:30pm and night time wakes are usually 10pm, 12am, 3am, 5ish am. Sometimes one more wake in between the 12-5am wakes that I can usually pat him back to sleep for. Up for day between 6:45am-7am.

[u/Efficient_Internet13]

Hi Ashley! What advice do you have for a sleep trained 5 month old starting daycare. He starts next week!

We follow a 2/2.5/2.5/2.5-2.75 schedule with a 7:30pm bedtime and 7:00am DWT. He has been STTN since he was 12 weeks. He is a great sleeper and worried about daycare as they are not going to be as consistent and diligent as I have been.

[u/hss_2018 → u/Efficient_Internet13]

That's a fair concern! Some things that can help him with the transition would be a sleep sack from home + portable white noise if daycare will allow it. You may have more luck asking them to use set nap times rather than following wake windows (eg first nap starts between 9/9:30, second nap between 1/1:30, etc). And then, when you're trying to figure out bedtime, I like to use total awake time. Right now, he's at 9.5-9.75 hours of awake time so if you pick him up and he's at 2.5/2.25/2.75 for his first 3 wake windows, that's 7.5 hours total. Minus the 9.5-9.75 hours he usually has, that leaves you with 2-2.25 hours of awake time left before going to bed. Obviously that could be earlier than 7:30 but may be necessary for short naps.

[u/Efficient_Internet13 → u/hss_2018]

Great advice thank you!! Yes I would imagine his first few weeks will be full of short naps 😅 he is used to a dark room with white noise and no disruptions.

Thank you!

[u/Desperate_Wafer367]

My baby is 3.5 months old and is starting daycare when she’s 6 months old. Currently will only contact nap - we occasionally get 15 mins in the bassinet, but it’s always temporary. She sleeps great in bassinet overnight. Any advice to prep her for daycare, as I’m assuming they won’t contact nap with her for 2+ hours every day?

[u/hss_2018 → u/Desperate_Wafer367]

You have a lot of time to work on that! I would prioritize working on the first nap of the day (transferring while asleep), maybe rousing her gently when you put her down so she's more aware and count any sleep as a win! From there, you could try soothing her back to sleep in the bassinet if she wakes after only a little bit of sleep. And progressing from there, putting down awake and soothing to sleep in the bassinet (gradually fading out support to only responding if needed for crying). Once it's going well for nap 1, add in nap 2, and so forth!

[u/Friendly-Rub5216]

hi ashley! baby is 4 months + 1 week struggles with day naps she take 4 naps during the day but each lasts 30 mins is that the 4 months sleep regression? how to navigate that? she sleeps at 8-9pm and wakes at 6-7 am and her wake window is 2 hrs long and she wakes up multiple times throughout the night 3-5 times and she is EBF

[u/hss_2018 → u/Friendly-Rub5216]

Short naps are really common in the first 6 or so months; it just takes longer for day sleep to organize when sleep cycles mature. Since you're also seeing frequent night wakings then it's safe to say her sleep cycles have changed and matured (what that 4 month "regression" is). I usually recommend trying to extend one of those naps with contact (usually nap 1 or 2) if possible and sleep training for independent sleep when you're ready!

[u/lvs301]

Hi! I have a 4.5 month old who used to sleep in 6-8 hour stretches. For the last month, most nights she’s woken up every 3 hours. She eats and then goes immediately back to sleep. She falls asleep easily for naps and at bedtime. She won’t take a bottle so she’s exclusively nursed.

My question is- it really seems like she’s just hungry during the night because no soothing will work, and she eats a full amount and has wet diapers. But it’s so frequent. Is there anything we can do to try to get one longer stretch at the beginning of the night? Or is she truly just hungry and needs to eat that often?

She has 3 naps a day, each about 45 min. Last nap ends at 4:30, bedtime is 7:30.

Thank you!

[u/hss_2018 → u/lvs301]

This sounds more like a feeding association (I breastfed all 4 of my babies and they NEVER turned it down if I offered it, no matter how hungry or not they were lol). I would make sure your last feeding is ending 30+ mins before bedtime and she's falling asleep independently from wide awake. That alone can make a huge difference in overnight wakings/lengthening nighttime stretches! If she's done 6-8 hours in the past at a younger age, she can definitely do that again.

[u/lvs301 → u/hss_2018]

Ugh unfortunately she can and does turn down breastfeeding! I’ve tried the 30 min before but she just turns her face away and won’t eat.

[u/hss_2018 → u/lvs301]

That indicates a pretty strong feed to sleep association even more so! I would reocmmend limiting distractions (so dark room, white noise, similar to falling asleep) to help move that feeding earlier and create more separation! If you can't do that, then I'd keep her as awake as you can during the feed and complete more steps of the routine after.

[u/[deleted]]

I have a 4 1/2 month old. His wake windows are 1.75-2 hours long. He has 4 naps a day, most of them are 30 mins, I always try to extend. When I can’t extend, he’s so tired after being awake for 1 hour… which throws off everything. Please help me

[u/hss_2018 → u/[deleted]]

You may need to slightly extend wake windows and drop to 3 naps with an earlier bedtime. And a lot of babies in that 4-7 month range get fussy at the end of wake windows but that doesn't mean they're quite ready to sleep yet! We did lots of rotations (going into different rooms of the house, different activities, getting outside) in order to stretch those wake windows before naps when needed. Also, if you haven't started working on independent sleep, that can also make a difference in nap lengths!

[u/[deleted] → u/hss_2018]

Ok thank you so much this week has been nuts

[u/Illustrious_Exit_243]

Hi Ashley! Thanks for doing this AMA!

My husband and I are huge fans of sleep training and we did it with our first, who is now a 3.5 year old that sleeps really well. [knocks on wood]

We recently welcomed #2, and he is two weeks old. While I know it’s early to talk sleep training since he’s just a newborn, what are things we can do now to help set us up for success with sleep training later? General tips on establishing good sleep hygiene?

With my first, I recall we established a consistent bedtime routine early on. We also moved him to his own room and in his crib once we got longer stretches of nighttime sleep. This is all I can remember we did 😅

[u/hss_2018 → u/Illustrious_Exit_243]

Congrats on baby #2!!! I wrote this blog when I was newly postpartum with our 4th baby and it is still what I help families focus on in those early weeks! For me, the main thing is really establishing rhythms with eating and sleeping, learning their cues, putting them down for *some* sleep (get those snuggle naps!), and being mindful of wake periods.

https://www.heavensentsleep.com/blog/newborn-sleep-essentials

[u/Butterscotch71423]

Hi! Baby is 6months and exclusively contact naps. I’m desperate for her to nap in her crib. We follow 2 hour wake windows, eat play sleep, and have tried CIO for naps and it didn’t work. Also, attempted transfers either fail or lasts only 5-20 mins if transfer is successful (rare). Is there a gradual/gentle approach you recommend that would get us on the right path? Thank you!

[u/hss_2018 → u/Butterscotch71423]

I've actually found that it probably isn't the method/approach, it's most likely to be timing! If she can fall asleep independently at bedtime, then the skill is there-- they just need to be tired enough to do it. So my advice would actually be to stretch those wake windows 15-30 mins and give nap 1 a try again! You can do CIO, ferber, the chair, etc for the crying, but my bet is that it's just the specific timing.

[u/Butterscotch71423 → u/hss_2018]

Thank you so much! Just to clarify, she has only fallen asleep at bedtime independently after 30 mins of crying - does that still count as having the skill?

[u/hss_2018 → u/Butterscotch71423]

That is actually an even better data point that she just needs more wake time!

[u/WarriorGoddess25]

Hi Ashley, thanks so much for doing this AMA!

We have a beautifully strong willed (😂) 6 month old who appears to be on the lower end of sleep needs! We are currently at X2 naps totalling 2hrs 15mins and a 20:30 bedtime with a DWT of 06:45. We are still finding that our LO is waking up, the last two nights had early rises with night wakings (the night wakings are brief but the early rises start from about 5:30). We sleep trained at 4.5 months using a personalised Wave Method and sleep train anything before 06:15 but the babe tends to just cry on and off until we get up for the day. They were originally at 3 naps day with 13 hours sleep tank when we first trained, do you think we should be taking off another 15 minutes and heading towards a 12 hour sleep tank? We keep thinking they may be teething but as nothing is erupting I don't think we should be holding off making changes? She generally seems incredibly sad and tired from about 5:30pm.

Thanks!!

[u/hss_2018 → u/WarriorGoddess25]

What wake windows were you using on 3 naps and what are they now on 2 naps?

[u/WarriorGoddess25 → u/hss_2018]

Hi! On 3 naps we were doing 2.5/2.5/2.5/4 and now on 2 we are doing 3/4/4.5!

[u/cupcake-cat309]

We’ve been doing 6/5.5 (7am/1-3pm/8:30pm).

The last 3 days he’s slept in until 7:15-7:30am. I’m confused when bedtime is tonight.

I’ve been doing nap at 1pm as usual. Nap is 1 hr 45-53 min.

Bedtime is hard. He’s crying hard and I need to help him to sleep. He sleeps all night after that.

The first day I kept 8:30pm bedtime

Yesterday, I tried going by wake window (bedtime 8:20pm). I put him in the crib at 8:05pm to allow 15 min to fall asleep. After lots of crying, I helped him and he fell asleep about 8:30pm

This morning he slept until 7:24am. When is bedtime today? Should I do an earlier bedtime like 5.25?

Should I not let him sleep in? He doesn’t seem sick. Could be growing or developmental?

[u/hss_2018 → u/cupcake-cat309]

If the typical wake window is 5.5 hours BUT the first wake window is now shorter by 30 minutes, you may need to flip flop so he has the same amount of total awake time. So bedtime would be 6 hours after waking from nap! And that would be in the crib at that time, not 15 mins earlier.

[u/cupcake-cat309 → u/hss_2018]

Ty! I wasn’t sure if he was overtired or what was goin on!

[u/Fun-Contract1226]

Hi! My 6.5 month old has been having false starts nearly every night for… as long as I can remember honestly 😅 she will wake up about an hour after being put to bed & sometimes again an hour or so after that. I’ve tried so many different things, but I think I’m probably not being consistent enough to figure out what actually would help… haha. So in your experience, are false starts more likely to be caused by over tiredness or under tiredness? Just looking for a place to start & focus on that. Thank you!!

[u/hss_2018 → u/Fun-Contract1226]

Gosh, it really seems to be 50/50 on those false starts! Consistency is absolutely your friend-- tracking for 7 days before making a change (deciding whether to add or take away time) is where I'd recommend starting!

[u/Happyandyouknowit821]

Hi Ashley, thanks for doing this AMA!

My 8 month-old goes down independently for bedtime and both her naps, but I’m still struggling with night wakes. Since she was born, it’s rare for her to do a 4-5 hr stretch of sleep, most are 2-3 hrs and sometimes shorter. Meaning I wake up 3-4 times most nights, and the ONLY thing she will accept is being nursed. She’s EBF (besides solids of course) but has never taken a bottle. I’m desperate to cut down the night feeds so I can get a decent stretch of sleep.

She goes to sleep at 7:30pm, wakes between 6:30-7am. I’ve tried to follow 5-3-3 and pushed hard for her first feed to happen after 12:30, but she almost always wakes around 11ish, then 2ish, then 5ish. Part of me wonders if night weaning completely would be easier than trying to keep 1-2 feeds?? Her wake windows are 3/3.5/3.5.

Is she getting too much sleep? Does the feed before bedtime need to move earlier? (It usually ends 10-15 min before I put her down, is 30 min really so critical?) I just seriously need to sleep more than 3 hrs in a row every now and then!

[u/hss_2018 → u/Happyandyouknowit821]

Good separation from bedtime is definitely where I'd start (so yes, it can be critical!) and at this age, you're right that sometimes just all in on night weaning is easier than feeding sometimes and hoping they'll drop them! It can get more and more confusing on that overnight response-- total weaning can be more consistent and faster on getting those longer night stretches.

[u/TheSilentVoice]

Hi Ashley. Thank you for doing this. I'm not sure how to approach sleep with my 18m old.

Sleep trained since 7m. Goes to sleep independently but we are starting to get early wakes. Schedule was 5/6 with 7am wake up and 8:30 bedtime.

Over the past two weeks, wake time has crept to 6:00-6:20, sometimes 5:45. We pushed bedtime back to 8 30 and then cut the nap by 15/30 mins but it hasn't helped. Today he woke at 5:45, went back to sleep but woke again at 6:15. We have been keeping him in his dark room until 6:45/7:00 to encourage him extending his sleep, but hasn't worked so far :(

I've read so much about baby sleep and training, and I know early wakes are hard to manage, but so you have any suggestions?

Thanks. ,

[u/hss_2018 → u/TheSilentVoice]

how long is the nap and when is it?

[u/TheSilentVoice → u/hss_2018]

Was 12-2, cut it down to 12:30-2 recently. Then pushed bedtime to 8;30 so new schedule is 5.5/6.5

[u/Accomplished-Neat214]

Hi Ashley! This is amazing!

I have a 5 month old who used to be a great sleeper but all the milestones hit at once and I feel like we’ve been taking steps backwards. wWe’ve been doing Ferber for the week and if anything I’m seeing more wakeups and she’s not settling as easy as she was at the beginning of the week. The snooze button doesn’t work on our snooze feeds and I feel like I am constantly adjusting her wake windows and bedtime to cater to all the different things I’m hearing 😅🥲

She woke this morning at 6:45am after some severely fractured sleep (2am party). She went down at 6:30 and was asleep by 6:50 but we had a 1:30 feed, and then was in and out of sleep from 2:15-3:15 all to wake at 4:45 again and I didn’t know how to stretch her to 7 without contact sleep and nursing her to sleep.

Today we’ve contact napped (which we usually do until night time is sorted) after 1 failed crib attempt (9-10:15) and we’re in nap two right now falling asleep at 12:50pm. Idk when to even wake her from here without shortening daytime sleep and making bedtime past 8. I was aiming for 2/2.5/2.5/3 for today but her fighting me on naps and going a little later has me all wonky.

Thank you so much for your help in advance!

[u/hss_2018 → u/Accomplished-Neat214]

If she didn't nap at all this morning, I would wake by 2:30, nap 4:45-5:15 and bed at 7:30/7:45 tonight!

[u/Accomplished-Neat214 → u/hss_2018]

Thank you! Sorry I should have specified. I rescued contact napped with her from 9-10:15am. This is after I tried to put her down at 8:45am and she wasn’t having it. I was trying to protect her sleep after the night we had and figured I need to get night time in order before I start trying to train on naps too.

[u/hss_2018 → u/Accomplished-Neat214]

Gotcha! That's my typical schedule recommendation for that age, but you could extend that last wake time before bed if needed.

[u/l_eihpos]

Hi Ashley! What do you feel is the main cause of sleep issues?

I see so many people with bad schedules, convinced that their babies are overtired when they're undertired. When this is the case with your customers, how do you convince them that their babies need less sleep than they think?

[u/hss_2018 → u/l_eihpos]

The two biggest things I usually end up focusing on with families is independent sleep (since how they fall asleep is the biggest predictor in night time wakings according to research) and schedule/sleep needs. I do agree that more babies are undertired than overtired! I present the data to them (what low, average, and high sleep needs look like for their age according to research), where their child is falling on that spectrum, and what schedule would support their sleep needs. I obviously can't make them follow my recommendations so I can only do my due diligence in encouraging them to give it a try-- especially if what they're doing isn't working-- they don't have anything to lose!

[u/randomaccount098lol]

Hi! My baby is 5.5 months old. She was a great sleeper as a newborn. 5-6 hour stretches. She got a cold around 3 months old and since then hasn’t gone more than 3 hours. Overnight she will sleep ON me; not next to me in bed or her pack n play. I feel like I’ve tried everything. More sleep, less sleep, putting herself to sleep, me helping her to sleep, she still wakes up to eat. She will sleep in her room til about midnight then refuses to back into her crib and will only sleep on me. At this point I don’t know what to do

Edited to add: she is about 2.25/2.5/2.5/3 but it varies slightly but always around 9.5-10.5 hours awake

[u/hss_2018 → u/randomaccount098lol]

What's her bedtime routine?

[u/randomaccount098lol → u/hss_2018]

Watches sister get bath, eat, diaper, sleep sack, books with big sister, bed (if she’s happy, she goes down by herself, if she’s unhappy she gets held to sleep) I’m usually doing bedtime routine by myself which is why they have to get everything done together

[u/PlanetPopper]

Hi there. We have a 3 month old and things are starting to get rocky. Our current bedtime routine is to calm down, then bathe, change, feed, and then while I’m holding him to avoid reflux, he falls asleep and I put him down, recently false starts have started happening, my wife has come in comfort fed until he sleeps again and the. i take over. She thinks he’s too young to build in other steps which mean putting him down awake or drowsy. I think it’s never too early to start something which supports independent sleep. What might you suggest?

[u/hss_2018 → u/PlanetPopper]

I agree-- especially with reflux, separating feeding from sleep and having it earlier in the routine is going to be more comfortable for baby! Babies do know *how* to sleep, so you're not having to teach them that, you're just building in steps and setting them up at being successful at falling asleep (whether that's with help or independently).

[u/cile317]

Hi Ashley, we are in 3 weeks deep of sleep training my 5 month old and while it’s not perfect it’s definitely working and we are getting more hours of sleep. As much as I am happy for going through the sleep training, I am also dreading how rigid we have to be to get my son asleep at certain times. How do you find other parents navigate around being flexible? For instance if we randomly want to go to dinner at 7pm (his bed time), have a family event to attend out of town or go on vacation. I understand consistency is important, but how do I handle being flexible? Also, is sleep training a forever thing till toddlerhood?

[u/hss_2018 → u/cile317]

Sleep training is what I'd consider to be a "lifestyle" change in that, your expecations around sleep are different moving forward. Sleep training's focus is on independent sleep initiation. So as a lifestyle, that means the majority of the time (maybe 80-90%), I expect my child to fall asleep independently. The other 10-20% can be whatever/however-- also recognizing that not every kid is okay with that and may have a disrupted night of sleep because of that. That also won't last forever-- flexibility can be gained with age as they're less sensitive to timing and all of that. When we went out at bedtime, I always wore the baby in the carrier or snuck away and got them to sleep in the stroller when they need to sleep because I felt like I could do both (have a good sleep schedule and still live life) without having to sacrifice one or the other! If we were at someone's house, I put them down in their pnp in a closet and just transferred them to the car, then to their bed when we got home. Yes they woke up, but they knew how to go to sleep and back to sleep, so it wasn't a big dramatic thing!

[u/Curious_195]

Hi Ashley! Thanks for doing this! My 8m (ST for nights) does 12 hr/day, we've pushed bedtime to later cause she only does 9.75-10 hrs at night (10 pm). We're currently doing 3.25/3.5/4.25. She's currently doing 11.25 hrs awake. She wakes twice for a feed. We're still getting night wakes especially around 6-7 am. For which I try to give her a snooze feed and see if she'll settle, most of the times it doesn't work and I bring her into bed with me to extend till DWT. Is this okay? Are we just extending awake time till we hit 12 hrs?

[u/hss_2018 → u/Curious_195]

So 6-7am is a normal time to wake in the morning according to circadian rhythm. If you're wanting to sort of artificially shift that so that it's later, you can for sure keep doing what you're doing! But that 6-7am may be what they're naturally wired for biologically.

[u/rainbowwaves5]

Hi! Thanks so much! My baby is 6.5 months old. Taking 2-3 naps a day (they vary due to recently starting daycare and some inconsistency with that transition). Bedtime typically around 6:30/7. We did sleep training around 5 months and he puts himself to sleep and if he wakes in the night typically puts himself back to sleep, however recently he is waking around 4-5am and crying for 20+ minutes so I end up going in and nursing him, then he sleeps until 7ish. Our pediatrician said he no longer needs to be eating during the night. How do I wean him off this 4-5am feed?

Thank you!

[u/hss_2018 → u/rainbowwaves5]

My personal opinion is that daycare is a big transition and needing a feed overnight in that time frame isn't out of the realm of normal for this age; I'd give him some grace through the transition and the schedule inconsistencies before losing more sleep trying to wean that quick feeding!

[u/willgraham1]

Hi! Our baby is 6m, sleep trained, on 2/3/3/3, and goes down completely independently in own room - but still wakes every 1-2 hours all night long and will complain/escalate until fed back to sleep. Feeding finishes 30min+ before in bed totally awake, he goes to sleep in seconds, no dummy, not teething! Any advice?!

[u/hss_2018 → u/willgraham1]

With those wake windows, I’d consider transitioning to 2 naps (usually we max out at 2.5/2.5/2.5/2.5 and then make the switch)!

[u/lynnred21]

9.5 month old was sleep trained using Ferber, doing well on 3.25/3.5/4. However, he is still waking 1-2 times nightly for feeds (he is truly hungry and falls asleep quickly after eating). Advice on night weaning? We have gotten the okay from his pediatrician!

[u/hss_2018 → u/lynnred21]

You could send in the non feeding partner, gradually reduce the time you feed, or dream feed and sleep train through any wakings!

[u/Strict_Director9312]

Hi Ashley, My 9 month old used to be a great sleeper until 8 months old (8-11 hr stretches) Ever since he hit 8 months, he sort of developed separation anxiety and would cry to be picked up from the crib. He would sleep off right away as soon he is picked up. His sleep stretches are currently every 2-3 hours and

I have always placed him in the crib when he is deep in sleep (drowsy sleep never worked when he was a younger baby) . He nurses to sleep every night. Wakes up every 2-3 hrs (nurse him if he does not go to sleep quickly) and final wake up in the morning by 6:30/7:30 2 naps a day at 10:30/11:00 for 1.5hrs and 3:30/4:15 for 1 hr and goes to bed after bath between 745/8.

Please advise what could be a good approach to fixing his sleep! Thank you!

[u/hss_2018 → u/Strict_Director9312]

My advice would be to move your feeding to the beginning of your routine and put down awake (not drowsy or asleep), then implement a sleep training method to respond to any crying so that he can put himself to sleep! Ferber or the chair would be a good option for this age.

[u/macncheesequeen1]

Hi Ashley, I have a 2 1/2 year-old (3 in June) who is waking multiple times at night. He does go down independently, but as of recently will lay down for 10 minutes, then start crying about a reason we need to come back (hug, water, blanket, etc.). He is having multiple wakes overnight for the same. We recently dropped the pacifier about six weeks ago and that is when he stopped napping at home. He does still nap at daycare for an hour and a half or so. Regardless of naps or not, he still wakes up overnight. No nap days he goes down easy at 7, nap days we fight to eventually get him down at 9. Wakes for the day between 6:30-7. I can deal with the difficult bedtime, but the overnight wakes are killing me. I’m pregnant and exhausted 🥲 any thoughts?

[u/hss_2018 → u/macncheesequeen1]

This is such a common phase around this age, especially after dropping the paci, so you’re definitely not alone in this. He just lost a tool that was helping him settle, and now he’s trying to replace it with you.

What’s likely happening is a mix of:

-Bedtime stalling turning into a pattern because it works -Using you as the new comfort in place of the paci -The big swing between 7pm and 9pm bedtimes making nights more restless

The good news is he already falls asleep independently, which is huge. Now we just want to clean up what happens after that.

For the bedtime stalling:

-Front-load everything before you leave. Water, hug, blanket, all of it becomes part of the routine, not something he asks for after -Set a clear boundary like “I’ll come back one time,” and keep that return super brief and consistent -Once you’ve said goodnight, try not to add new things, even if he asks

Prep him for overnight at bedtime: Keep it simple and repeat it every night: “After we say goodnight, if you wake up, it’s time to stay in your bed and go back to sleep. Mommy will check on you, but we’re not doing hugs, water, or blankets overnight.”

You can also point out that everything he needs is already there.

For the night wakings:

-Start by responding from the doorway instead of going all the way in (Same calm phrase every time: “It’s still sleep time, I love you, lay down.”) -If you do go in, keep it very brief and consistent. No adding new things, no long stays -If you’ve been more involved overnight, you can gradually reduce your presence over a few nights (bedside → doorway → check-ins → voice only)

The biggest thing is consistency. If the response keeps changing, he’ll keep trying different ways to get you back in longer. When it becomes predictable, the wakings usually start to decrease.

Hope that helps!!

[u/mycatsagirl]

Hi Ashley!

At 10 months old, should I be following wake windows, or the clock for a two nap day?

I follow the same wake windows each day (3h 10/3h 15/3h 15) and some days her naps are perfect but sometimes they’re very short, like 20-30 minutes. And with the short naps, sometimes she wakes up energetic and happy and sometimes she wakes crying and will fall back asleep in my arms.

She is sleep trained and goes down awake (unfortunately does not often sleep through the night though).

[u/hss_2018 → u/mycatsagirl]

Until they sleep through the night, I prefer the flexibility of using wake windows!

[u/what_isnt_nature]

How should I start for a 2.5 year old who was never sleep trained, is used to falling asleep with mom in bed (and then I roll away), and wakes frequently overnight if not cosleeping? She will come to mom and dads bed if she wakes up alone at night. I have a baby on the way and this is becoming unsustainable but not sure how to approach. Thank you!!

[u/hss_2018 → u/what_isnt_nature]

This is a great set up to start using the chair method! Sitting beside her until she’s fall asleep, then gradually moving further and further away.

[u/railwaygouda]

My 8 month old baby likes to be gently rocked to sleep. I would like him to fall sleep independently. We have tried just putting him down, but he rolls over immediately and starts crying. He also can’t roll from tummy to back but is army crawling. If we stop rocking him and sit down, if he’s not ima deep enough sleep, he will arch his back to communicate that we need to get up, walk and gently rock him!

Right now, we are transitioning from 3-2 naps and it’s a very long process.

We are currently experiencing frequent bedtime false starts. He typically wakes between 6:00–7:00 am, with his first nap occurring after a 2h30–2h45 wake window and lasting anywhere from 35–80 minutes (occasionally longer). His second nap is usually after a 3h00–3h15 wake window and varies significantly in length, ranging from 30 minutes to 1h45. Total daytime sleep is generally between 2 to 2.75 hours. Bedtime is typically attempted after a 3h15–3h45 wake window; however, we are struggling to find the right balance here.

When the final wake window means a bedtime of 6pm because Nap 2 ended earlier than anticipated, I don’t know whether to do a bridge nap or go straight to bedtime. There’s always a false start because he has majority of his milk before naps or bedtime/night time. I can’t seem to fix that. Baby always fights a bridge nap - unless I am driving somewhere!

Night sleep is typically 10–11 hours with 1–2 feeds, though some nights involve multiple wakes, particularly in the first part of the night. Simply down to milk.

What methods of sleep training do you suggest?

[u/hss_2018 → u/railwaygouda]

Any sleep training method is going to be a way to respond to crying without having to pick up, rock to sleep, etc. it’s changing the response they typically have to one that says “I’m here but I’m not doing all the work for you” shifting the responsibility of falling asleep to a capable baby. They aren’t typically going to be like “cool, you’re changing this and I’m going to go along with it”. The method gives you the way to manage the protest while reinforcing a new habit. In that vein, I think Ferber is “easiest” to implement for DIY training! Straight forward, timed check ins for consistent and continuous crying, soothe when you go in until calm (not drowsy or asleep) and repeat until they’ve put themselves to sleep.

[u/Angelitaa_]

Hi Ashley! My baby and I have failed all of the things you’re meant to do…. He is 12 months now. We co-sleep, breastfeed through the night and he feeds to sleep. I work full time with him at home, but he has two nursery days per week. I have no support from husband or mil who lives with us… husband is begging me to get him out of our bed but I don’t even know where to start with weaning him off nighttime feeds and into his own bed. He doesn’t nap independently either, and currently it feels like he’s either going through a regression or transitioning to one nap.

Where do I start with sleep training? He won’t take a bottle, but he does now eat 3 meals a day and probably breastfeeds 4x during the day but easily 6-7x at night.

[u/hss_2018 → u/Angelitaa_]

You didn’t fail- you did what works for you! Wanting to change that isn’t a fail either.

I think the most straight forward option for DIY sleep training is moving feeding to end 30+ mins before bedtime, putting down awake and using timed check ins to soothe/calm until they’ve put themselves to sleep. It’s going to help with overnight wakings and you can start working on naps a few days after bedtime and nights are going well!

[u/Dentifrice]

4 yo girl. She won’t fall alseep alone. We need to be with her until she falls asleep.

If we try to leave before, she either cries or play in her room until midnight.

[u/hss_2018 → u/Dentifrice]

Two supportive, gradual options you can use are the “I’ll be back” method and the “fuzzy hearts” method. With “I’ll be back,” you tuck her in, let her know you’ll step out, and return at short, predictable intervals (starting with 1–2 minutes and gradually increasing), keeping each check-in calm and brief so she learns you always come back without needing you to stay the whole time. The “fuzzy hearts” method works similarly, but instead of engaging each time, you quietly drop off a small item (like a paper heart or tiny stuffy) every time you check in. If she falls asleep while you’re out, you leave several at once so she can see in the morning that you came back multiple times even if she didn’t notice. For prep, this is key at her age. Talk through the plan during the day so it doesn’t feel like a surprise, explain exactly what will happen at bedtime, and what she can expect if she calls for you. You can even practice it together so it feels familiar. Then at bedtime, keep your routine consistent, connect well beforehand, and follow through calmly and confidently so the process feels safe, predictable, and not like something is changing on her unexpectedly.

[u/Elegant-Act923]

Hi Ashley ! I have a baby that was a grower and feeder in NICU. He’s been home for a long time and just turned 1 (he’s 10 months adjusted.)  He loved his snoo and then around 9 months right before crawling, he figured out how to break out. He’s been sleeping in bed ever since. We still do contact naps. I have just started trying the crib in last few days and it’s been difficult. I have an air mattress next to crib but that doesn’t seem to be Providing a lot of comfort. What are some tips you have for a very sensitive mom that is trying to move him to the crib bc I have a second baby coming at the end of the summer and I don’t want his sleep affected. Plus I think it’s time! He’s a great sleeper when I’m holding him or in my bed. What’s a good strategy? I want to go slow and am not interested in letting him cry too much though I know some is inevitable. 

[u/hss_2018 → u/Elegant-Act923]

How does he fall asleep now?

[u/zedd2187]

Hey Ashley! I have a 6 month old who used to sleep through the night in her crib and a Zipadee, with some sleep training. But recently she was sick so we let her sleep in our bed for 1 week. Now we're going back to crib with sleep sack (which she hates, she loves the Zipadee), but she wakes up every 1-2 hours crying and sometimes refuses to stop until she goes back to our bed. What should we do?

[u/hss_2018 → u/zedd2187]

Why not use the zipadee?

[u/Emergency-Eggplant30]

Please help. Little guy is 5.5 months old and always a terrible sleeper waking every 45 minutes his entire life. We started sleep training last week. First three days went great and he started sleeping 2 hours waking for a feed then sleeping another 6!! On the fourth night he was having a rough time with the sleep training and then the doorbell rang and scared him. Since then any time he touches the crib he’s hysterical. We kept trying to sleep train but he gets so worked up we have to pick up and settle (and I mean after 2 hours of trying). What can we do to reset? How do you sleep train when the baby is hysterical?

[u/hss_2018 → u/Emergency-Eggplant30]

What is his bedtime routine and schedule?

[u/Emergency-Eggplant30 → u/hss_2018]

Bedtime routine is pjs, book, goodnight to everyone, and twinkle twinkle. Put in crib drowsy. We follow his queues and his wake windows are always 2-2.5 hours with longest being before bed. As soon as he’s red eyebrows we know, if I were to pick him up he’d fall asleep in arms within two minutes but if I put him in crib he looses it

[u/hss_2018 → u/Emergency-Eggplant30]

I’d make sure you’re putting down wide awake, not drowsy! Drowsy is the first stage of sleep and is like if you were to doze off on the couch then get up and get ready for bed. Once you climb into bed, you probably aren’t as sleepy as you were when you dozed off on the couch. It takes the edge off sleep pressure and causes more of a fight!

[u/Both-Mango-946]

is it OK to sleep train (phased crying) at night in crib but rock to sleep for naps during day? 9.5 month old, 2 naps a day, and goes for sleep quite easily in crib at night 

[u/hss_2018 → u/Both-Mango-946]

It is- as long as it is clicking/working for bedtime/nights and isn’t getting confusing for them!

[u/DepartureJaded268]

Hi! My son is 21 months. He has been sleep trained over and over. He’ll have stretches of about a week where everything goes smoothly—falling asleep easily and sleeping through the night—followed by setbacks, often tied to getting sick, early morning wake-ups (around 5–5:30am), or schedule disruptions. During those tougher periods, he becomes more overtired and fussy, sometimes needing extra help to fall asleep at bedtime (like more hands-on support), even though he’s previously been able to do it on his own. Schedule used to be 630 wake, nap 1230-130 or so, Crib by 8pm and asleep. But lately he’s waking at 5-5:30. If he does that, he tries to pass out at like 9 am. If we go anywhere in the car before nap, he definitely falls asleep. I can’t just stay home every day! So today he did 520 wake, napped 1130-130 (that’s a long time for him). I’m gonna try to get him down by 8. Chat GPT (sorry lol) always insists earlier. Any insight?? Thank you!!

[u/hss_2018 → u/DepartureJaded268]

Is it just the schedule you’re asking about for today?

[u/-Boredinahouse-]

Hi, thank you for doing this! We have been wanting to start sleep training our 8 months old, who seems to be terrified of being abandoned in her crib. Anytime we put her down she screams and hyperventilates, even when we stay next to her, touching her and talking to her. (But apparently she falls asleep independently at daycare? Go figure!)

I imagine our first step in sleep training would be desensitizing her to her crib, but we are unsure how to do this. It is very hard to see her panic so much right before bedtime, so we currently rock her to sleep, put her down and hope she doesn’t wake up during the transfer. She wakes up 3 times at night and feeds (bf) once or twice.

Her WW look something like 2,5/3/4. She goes to sleep aroung 18:30 and wakes up at 7:00.

[u/hss_2018 → u/-Boredinahouse-]

Some of this may be schedule related - something more balanced like 3/3.5/3.5 may work better! As far as desensitizing to the crib, you could add in some short play periods during the day unrelated to sleep- but I think she’s just having a strong response to the change in the status quo!

[u/MousseOther4891]

Hi Ashley, woild love to get your thoughts on my little girls nap situation. She’s 9mo now and has almost always napped for 30-35 minutes before waking crying. I’ve tried multiple schedules and nothing seems to have helped.

Thankfully she’s a great nighttime sleep and will usually sleep around 12 hours. She falls asleep independently for both bedtime and naps but naps there’s usually more crying.

Current schedule is usually 2.75/3.25/3.5 or 3.75. The morning nap she will sometimes no 45ish mins before waking and crying. Lunch nap is usually 30 mins before waking crying and I’ll rescue it after 5 mins as I know she won’t go back to sleep and does better with the 2 nap rather than 3.

Any ideas? The short naps are draining us all! Thanks ☺️

[u/hss_2018 → u/MousseOther4891]

Sleeping 12 hours straight overnight probably means she doesn’t need a ton of day sleep! I’d bet lengthening WTs to 3/3.5/3.5 would shorten your night a bit and she’d be able to transfer some of that sleep to day time.

[u/MousseOther4891 → u/hss_2018]

Thank you. How long would it take on that schedule to know whether it’s working? ☺️

[u/hss_2018 → u/MousseOther4891]

I’d give it a week

[u/taybel]

I have a 19-week-old daughter who was a great sleeper as a newborn, but since around 13 weeks (I’m assuming the 4-month regression), her sleep has been really challenging. She’s waking every 30–60 minutes most nights, and we’re lucky to get a 2-hour stretch.

During the day, she will only nap in the baby carrier. We’re on 4 naps a day, but most are around 30 minutes, with an occasional longer one if we’re lucky. She also nurses to sleep and often needs support to stay asleep.

We’ve been cosleeping to try to survive the sleep deprivation, but she’s still waking very frequently even next to me.

I’m feeling really torn because I value a responsive, attachment-based approach, and I’m struggling with the idea of moving away from cosleeping or doing traditional sleep training. I’m not open to cry-it-out, and even Ferber feels too harsh for me. We’re also not ready to move her to her own room, as it’s on a separate level of our home.

Where would you suggest we start in terms of improving her sleep in a gentle, developmentally appropriate way? Are there methods that support more independent sleep without a lot of crying, while still keeping her nearby at night?

I’m open to small, gradual changes but want to avoid anything that feels distressing for her.

[u/hss_2018 → u/taybel]

A simple step could be to move the nursing to sleep and just hold/rock instead! Add in something like shush/patting as an extra prop that you can do outside of your arms to help her adjust to sleeping on her own. You don’t have to move her out of your room to move toward independent sleep.

[u/Efficient_Bee4584]

My baby is 5 months old. This might be a silly question - my baby only contact naps because her naps in her crib are only 30 minutes long tops. She usually takes 3 contact naps a day and gets around 4 hours of nap time total a day (wake up around 0700 and bedtime around 2100). How do people who don’t do contact napping make sure their baby’s get enough sleep?

I like contact napping but my husband doesn’t. I would love to have her nap in the crib eventually but I’m scared she would be a nightmare when awake because of being overtired.

[u/hss_2018 → u/Efficient_Bee4584]

There are babies who can nap just as long in their crib as being held. Or they go to bed early if their naps are short!

[u/kimomao]

Hi Ashley thanks for doing this!

5 month old who was previously only waking up twice at night but has “regressed”. Assuming it’s the dreaded 4 month sleep regression.

Previously: naps range between 45 mins to 2 hours. Crib naps were shorter but if we contact nap him in a carrier he could stretch it to 2 hours.

Now: contact naps don’t even work! And he wakes up every 30-45 mins (basically one sleep cycle). We’ve tried lengthening his sleep cycle but it’s a bit of a hit and miss.

Wake windows are 2/2.25/2.5/3

Routine: we noticed his body’s melatonin kicks in around 8-9pm so since birth we have been aiming for a 8-8:30pm bedtime. Currently last wake window is currently too long due to the bad naps! Our nap time routine is the same as bedtime- dark room, white noise, sleep sack and cool room. He sometimes falls asleep with a pacifier. Most other times independently but we’ve been needing to pick him up and calm him down when he can’t connect his sleep cycles.

Any suggestions? Also do you have any suggestions on how to “nap on the go”?

[u/hss_2018 → u/kimomao]

Is he falling asleep independently at bedtime? Also melatonin is influenced by environmental factors, not a set time on the clock so I wouldn’t aim for a specific bedtime on the clock- just putting down at the end an awake time!

[u/kimomao → u/hss_2018]

You’re too quick!! I edited my post earlier but you’ve already responded!

Anyway he does fall asleep independently at bedtime. We do the dark room etc and pop him down drowsy but awake. We stay in the room but don’t intervene unless he’s full screaming.

[u/jayeeein]

Hi there - I have a 16 month old who has only ever slept thru the night four times. She is breastfed, refused bottles again and again, and is a petite baby for her age. Sometimes she nurses at night a few times and sometimes only once. But it’s always a fulllll feed and she’s just hysterical til she gets it. She goes down independently at bedtime, she actually pretty much dropped bedtime nursing a couple months ago but has a bedtime snack maybe thirty min before we start our bedtime routine.

I’m so tired, giving her space to cry or put herself back to sleep doesn’t work for her like it did with my first child. She will continue waking and crying (really screaming) until nursed. Her doctor feels she likely doesn’t need it but is supportive of continuing to follow her lead. Mostly because it’s so much easier to nurse her and go back to bed than to endure an entire night of screaming etc. What the heck do I do to night wean her and help her sleep through the night

[u/Necessary_School_766 → u/jayeeein]

oh I really want to know the answer to this too!

[u/hss_2018 → u/jayeeein]

What’s her schedule?

[u/meowmeowmeow12234]

Hi Ashley, thank you so much for doing this.

My 18 month old is sleeping less and less overnight it went from 10.5 hours to now some days it’s just 9 hours. We put him to bed around 8:30pm in the evening most days. His naps are max around 1h20m (generally from 1:30-3pm ish because he has class until 12:45 everyday) And generally on one nap but some days he does two when he wakes up extra early at 5:30. He is usually up at 6:30. I understand some kids how lower sleep needs but I’m always worried he’s not getting enough sleep. Is there anything I can do to extend his night sleep or nap? We have a night time routine. He’s weaned off milk before bed. Thank you again!

[u/balanchinedream → u/meowmeowmeow12234]

We are dealing with the same!! Sometimes she won’t go down till 9, and is still up at 5:30/6, crying for a bottle! Has never been a good sleeper

[u/hss_2018 → u/meowmeowmeow12234]

Goal is 11-14 hours in 24 hours according to the AASM! Sounds like he’s pretty close to that.

[u/katsuolive]

Hi Ashley! I'm having trouble with my 8 month old who's been sleep trained but has never been a good sleeper or slept through the night. He falls asleep independently but will wake 3hrs after bedtime and be unsettled/awake for 2-3hrs before going back to sleep. This happens every night and I have tried experimenting with wake windows and nap times. Hes on 2 naps and wake windows are 3/3.5/4. I have already tried reducing the last ww to 3.75 with little success. He naps 2 times per day, 1.15hrs each. Thanks!

[u/hss_2018 → u/katsuolive]

What’s his bedtime routine?

[u/AnoziraMystique]

Hi, Ashley! Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as my husband and I are completely exhausted and overwhelmed.

My 14 month old has been a poor sleeper for most of her life. We transitioned her from her bassinet to her crib (in her own room) when she was 4 months, and started sleep training at that point. She was sleeping through the night for probably two months, then we bought a house in August, and she hasn’t slept through the night since we moved.

Her naps have always been short- about 30 minutes on average. She’s still on a two nap schedule, as we don’t feel like she’s quite ready to drop to one nap just yet. Her wake windows are 3.5/3.5/4.5. She has always been rocked to sleep, and uses a pacifier to help fall asleep. She really struggles to sleep in her crib, and will jerk awake as soon as I try transition her to her crib from my arms, where she will cry hysterically until she’s picked up again.

At the beginning of last month, we attempted CIO, and for the first few nights it seemed to work. She cried for about 40 my minutes, then put herself to sleep. A few days later, she started teething and was sick two separate times throughout the month. We moved her to our bed (what we’re now realizing was probably a big mistake) partly to comfort her, and partly so we could get some sleep ourselves. At this point, she’s refusing to sleep in her crib at all, and is still sleeping in bed with us. She’s still teething, if that matters. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

[u/hss_2018 → u/AnoziraMystique]

I think it’s a matter of putting down awake and sleep training again! If you don’t feel good wirh CIO and Ferber, the chair may be a good option.

[u/ereburt]

Hi Ashley! We are having a really tough time with split nights after transitioning to 1 nap. Baby is a little over 13 months. The first week went great and then the last 5 nights have been chaos with 90 min wakes between 2-4am (he is upset during these wakes). Is this ALWAYS caused by under-tiredness or are there other reasons it could be happening?

I am trying my best to get to 11.25-11.5 total wake time per day but on the mornings after he has a split night he is so exhausted that feels impossible.

Then yesterday I tried to get to 11.5 hours total wake time but his nap was only 90 mins as opposed to his usual 1.75-2 hours and he got so slap happy after a 5.5 hour final wake window (I was pushing this to get to 11.5 hours) and he crashed immediately when I put him down then woke up 50 minutes later LOSING HIS MIND and would not settle without me holding him for almost an hour! That had to be overtired…

So how do I get to 11.5 hours total wake time if he gets overtired in the evenings after a shorter nap?! Going back to 2 naps isn’t an option for us unfortunately.

Thank you!!

[u/hss_2018 → u/ereburt]

What was his 2 nap schedule? No, split nights are not always undertiredness!

[u/ereburt → u/hss_2018]

Our last working 2 nap schedule was: Wake between 6-630 (usually closer to 6, but was content in bed until 630) Nap 930-11 Nap 245-340 Bed 740

That was almost 2 months ago. We started having split nights on that schedule, so I capped naps to 2 hours and it worked for a few days until he got sick for almost 2 weeks. Once he was recovered from illness, his sleep just never went back to sleeping through the night. Continuous split nights or other disruptions so I decided to move to 1 nap at 12.5 months. We moved slowly by extending first WW and doing bridge naps in the afternoon until he could handle the longer first wake window and then we moved fully to 1 nap 12 days ago. First 6 days were great and the last 5 nights have been back to split nights.

I have a whole chart with wake/nap/bed times, total wake and nap lengths. It’s intense haha

[u/FigsandRadishes]

Hi Ashley! Thanks for doing this.

My sleep-trained 10 month old is all of a sudden no longer consolidating her naps. It started with the second nap 3 days ago and is now happening with the first as well. She will wake up crying 35-40 minutes into the nap and will not fall back asleep until I go in and hold her to extend the nap. She consolidated her first nap at 4 months old and was always able to put herself back to sleep if she woke up between sleep cycles.

She’s also started crying when I put her down for the nap. Instead of rolling around happily and eventually falling asleep on her belly, she will now just lay on her back crying until she falls asleep.

We’re currently on 3.25/3.75/4. Wake up 7:30 am, bedtime 8:30 pm. Naps capped at 2-2.25 hours total. Started sleeping through the night a couple weeks ago, but inconsistently with EMWs on some days.

Is this separation anxiety? Do I just keep doing what I’m doing until it passes?

[u/hss_2018 → u/FigsandRadishes]

If it isn't linked to any new skills/development stuff that you've seen emerging, I'd try more WT before nap 1 (3.5 hours) and see if that helps her fall asleep + stay asleep! You could also go to 4.25 before nap 2, but you might pull back to 3.5 before bed so that your total awake time isn't too high.

I do like to give things a week before making any changes though-- there are lots of things going on at this age that can temporarily disrupt sleep and sometimes it'll all just go back to normal if we give it some time!

[u/thatsnotmyowl]

Any tips for sleep training a 13 month old who is heavily dependent on nursing and/or being rocked to sleep for bedtime and naps and wakes up 3-5x a night looking for the same? oh and he’s in our room with us because the only other option is to move him in with my 4 year old and I am too scared to do that while he’s sleeping so bad. i am drowning!

[u/Mama_1_SEE]

My almost 7 month old is having early morning wakes and as of last night she did a split night! She’s also been crying at bedtime when she’s been sleep trained and normally just goes to sleep quietly within a few minutes.

Help! Her schedule was going perfect this last couple of weeks until a few days ago. We were doing 2.25/2.25/2.5/2.5. She had some good naps and some short naps, totally depended on her vibes. Her DW time is 7/7:30 to coincide with daycare drop off for my oldest but the early wake ups have been messing with us!

Thanks!!!

[u/hss_2018 → u/Mama_1_SEE]

She might be showing signs of dropping the 3rd nap!

[u/P_Pre]

Hi Ashley! Thank you for opening this up. My baby is 27 weeks old (6 months). At around 4 months old she was typically waking up once or twice a night, often giving 6+ hour stretches. Then she started waking up every two hours when she was learning to roll and had trouble rolling in her sleep sack. We got rid of the sleep sack until she became strong enough to navigate it. Now, however, she is still waking up about every 2 hours. We’ve had the same bedtime routine since she was born: black out curtains, Hatch with blue light and ocean sounds, sleep sack, and nursing to sleep while reading a story. She’s on 2-3 naps a day, they are sometimes good sometimes not but even on good nap days she’s still up all night. Drowsy but awake doesn’t work for her, she just becomes more awake when I put her down. I do give her time when she starts fussing at night before picking her up. I am solo parenting while my husband is deployed, and the quickest way to get her back to sleep is by nursing, but this was also the case when she was sleeping 6+ hours. Would appreciate any advice on getting those longer stretches back!

[u/hss_2018 → u/P_Pre]

I’d move feeding to end 30+ mins before bed and put down wide awake! Then you’d implement a sleep training method to respond until she puts herself to sleep independently at bedtime. That’ll help elongate night time sleep stretches!

[u/LiveL0veLasagna]

How do you recommend dealing with standing and crying? My 13 mo was sleep trained from 4.5-9 months, and then it went out the window once she could pull to stand. We’ve been co-sleeping since because she’ll go down right on time nursing to sleep and staying in bed, but can stand and cry forever! She’s never been a fan of bedtime, the first time we moved up her bedtime feed she figured out the reason immediately and would refuse to nurse.

[u/hss_2018 → u/LiveL0veLasagna]

For those stubborn kids, it’s usually being willing to outstubborn them- not constantly laying them down but letting them do it! Some will fall asleep standing but consistency usually pays off! Also, using the chair method and sitting on the ground can help encourage them to get low as well.

[u/bijulee]

I've been dealing with EMW for quite some time now with my 10 month old. Her bedtime is 8:30pm and DWT is 6AM. I'm now considering moving her bedtime earlier to 7:30pm as I've read that an earlier bedtime can help them sleep better. I'm wondering how I should go about it.. if I should move it slowly little by little each day or just straight up start her day with one of her EMWs (around 5 to 5:30AM) and go cold turkey.

[u/hss_2018 → u/bijulee]

What’s the full schedule with naps?

[u/Lonely_Jew_On_Xmas_]

Our 10 month old was sleep trained and does great at bedtime but he wakes up at 4am and won’t go back to sleep without a pacifier. I’ve tried to Ferber method him at that time for few hours and just won’t go back to sleep (screaming). With pacifier he sleeps until 6 or 7.

He is on a good schedule. 2 naps. 10-11 hours total wake time during the day and we have a bedtime routine of food/bottle then bath book and then bed.

Any recommendations to break this cycle? Want to get him off the pacifier.

Bedtime 7-7:30

Wake up around 6-7. And wake windows usually 3/3/4

[u/hss_2018 → u/Lonely_Jew_On_Xmas_]

What’s the full schedule? I personally don’t think the pacifier is a huge issue when they can find and replace it so alternatively, I’d just throw it in there (or several) at bedtime and let him find it vs waking me for it!

[u/gresskar1]

Hi! I have a 3-month-old baby and was wondering when the best time to start sleep training is. What would you recommend?

[u/hss_2018 → u/gresskar1]

Hi! This sub recommends 4+ months I believe- I work with babies after 8ish weeks (all of my babies were STed before 12 weeks) with gradual, responsive and supportive options. I believe if Ferber or CIO are your preferred options then 4+ months is the recommended age for separation based options! Mostly, I think when parents and ready and committed is the best time.

[u/LifeStandard4541]

Hi there! Thank you for doing this.

I have a 6.5 month old who we are trying to sleep train. My 2 main questions are 1) how much moodiness with sleep training is acceptable 2) what sleep training method do you recommend for a baby who is a generally fussy/high needs baby with reflux who up until now is co sleeping with my husband and I?

Information about him: he is 6.5 months old, his wake windows are 2/2.25/2.5/3 (I have tried to make these longer but he gets way too fussy and overtired). He wakes up around 7 am and falls asleep around 8 pm. The reason I want to sleep train him is because he is waking up hourly overnight and needs rocking for 10-30 seconds before he goes back to sleep.

Thank you again!

[u/hss_2018 → u/LifeStandard4541]

I dont know that I’d quantify moodiness— we usually seem more like tiredness during the day just from being on a new routine and learning something new.

If they can be transferred after being assisted to sleep, you could do some habit stacking like shushing/patting while holding to sleep and then transition to shushing/patting to sleep in the crib, gradually reducing how much you’re doing it to sleep, then only using it to calm!

[u/briecheese88]

My baby is 3 months so we are waiting until 4 mo to train. He requires being bounced on the yoga ball to sleep. What would you recommend we work on now to start learning independent sleep?

[u/hss_2018 → u/briecheese88]

You could add in some other habits like shushing and patting while bouncing so you can just hold still instead of bouncing to wean from that, then use the familiar shushing and patting to sleep in the crib!

[u/grana_padana]

How do you deal with babies of a sensitive temperament? My 5MO is easily overstimulated and frequently (every night) gets dysregulated when tired in the evenings. As she is getting older, she can’t seem to meet average wake windows for her age particularly in the evening - no matter what we try seems to be too much for her. She has no problem with sleeping and naps during the day but needs a lot of help to calm down for bedtime and the dreaded fourth nap. I don’t see how many sleep training methods could benefit her

[u/hss_2018 → u/grana_padana]

It’s usually just a slow and consistent approach! But sounds like the 4th nap could be a major cause- I’d consider dropping that in favor of an earlier bedtime.

[u/KindlyAppointment973]

Hi there! I have a 7 month old baby. He sleeps solidly from 8pm until 5am, but we can't seem to make it until 6 or 7am. Any tips to push that last 2 hours or so sleep?

Also, any tips for helping baby to fall asleep independently? He is rocked to sleep at the moment.

[u/hss_2018 → u/KindlyAppointment973]

What’s his full schedule?

For independent sleep, I’d recommend swapping rocking for holding/sitting still, then putting down more and more awake and soothing as needed in the crib!

[u/84890]

Hi Ashley, thanks so much for doing this! My baby is almost a year old and basically sleep trained herself at 4 months old when she learned how to self soothe. She used to average 12 hour nights with one night feed.

Around 9.5-10 months she started waking up around 11pm/12am crying and will fall back asleep once picked up. If we manage to resettle, it just happens again an hour later. We figured it was due to some combination of teething, separation anxiety (usually only wants mom during the night), and potential over/under tiredness. Her schedule typically looks like 3-4 hour wake windows with 11 hours of total awake time. We don’t feed to sleep but hold/rock to sleep as putting her down drowsy but awake never worked. No pacifiers, doesn’t usually eat during the night anymore unless she didn’t get enough daytime calories. She also fights both naps most of the time/it takes 10-15 minutes to get her to go to sleep (maybe since we no longer feed to sleep).

A few questions based on the above info:

• How do we know if she is overtired vs under tired?
• When should we move to one nap?
• Is sleep training our only option? If so, what gentle methods do you recommend?
• Any tips on sleep training through separation anxiety?

Appreciate the help!

[u/hss_2018 → u/84890]

You’re asking really great questions, and this is such a normal shift to hit around 9–10 months due to all the development that happens!

One important piece to gently point out based on what you shared: If she’s being rocked all the way to sleep, she’s not quite falling asleep independently anymore. And that’s likely the biggest reason you’re seeing those repeated 11/12pm wakeups.

What usually happens is: She falls asleep with help → wakes between sleep cycles → looks for that same help → falls back asleep → repeats every cycle

That “hourly reset” pattern you described is very classic for this.

Over or undertired: From what you described, this leans more overtired than undertired.

Id see how she handles 3/3.5/3.5 and see if that helps!

When to move to 1 nap- Definitely hold off for now. Most babies aren’t ready until at least 13–15 months.

Is sleep training the only option: You don’t need to jump to anything extreme, but some level of teaching her how to fall asleep without being fully rocked to sleep is what will fix the night wakings.

The night wakes aren’t random, they’re probably tied to how she’s falling asleep at the start of the night.

A gradual, supportive approach could look like:

-Rock until calm instead of fully asleep and then sit still -Start putting her down a little more awake -Support her in the crib (hand on chest, voice) instead of picking up every time -Slowly reduce how much help you give over a few nights

Separation anxiety: This is a big factor at this age, but it doesn’t mean you have to stop working on sleep.

Things that can help move through it:

-Predictable, consistent responses -Letting her know what to expect (“I’m right here, it’s time for sleep”) -Lots of connection during the day and bedtime

When the response is the same every time, it actually reduces the anxiety because she knows what’s coming.

[u/M_Bagel]

Hi! My 13 month old has started waking early every morning for the past week+, her usual wake up is 6.20am and she’s been up at 5.50am. She’s been doing 1 nap days at nursery - length of the nap varies but usually 2-2.5 hours- and 2 nap days at home. her home schedule that has worked great for months was 3.75/4/4, wake up at 6.20 and bed at 8pm with just under 2 hours of naps

I was thinking I should solidly switch her to 1 nap at home too but she’s suddenly so much more tired than usual, falling asleep instantly for bed and naps, even on 2 nap days, and I easily nurse her back to sleep at her early wakes too. Is there something else I should try to get her back to sleeping through? She’s fully sleep trained

[u/hss_2018 → u/M_Bagel]

What schedule for the 1 nap day? That may be the outlier cause!

[u/KXE1001]

Thank you for doing this!

My 14 month old has never consistently slept through the night despite sleep being independent for a long time.

We’ve just moved to one nap and im struggling with where to fall with wake windows and whether he’s over or under tired.

He’s comfortably making nap most days, going to sleep easily and I’m waking him after 2 hours.

He’s consistently waking at 5.30 most mornings and on/off crying and trying to go back to sleep.

Nap is 12/12.15ish for 2 hours.

We’re playing around with bedtime but I don’t really know where to aim for wake windows.

He’s waking at 5.30 and usually at least one other time during the night and I don’t know what to do about it!

Thanks again :)

[u/hss_2018 → u/KXE1001]

I would suggest 5.5/5-5.5 for WTs starting out on one nap! Start low and work your way up.

[u/LadyCrisp9]

Hi Ashley!

My 7 month old baby was previously sleep trained and was starting to increase her nap lengths to 1-1.5 hours for one nap per day. Now, she is only sleeping 25-60 mins (if I’m lucky). We’re also dealing with her two bottom teeth coming in as well as separation anxiety. So much to the point that she cries and screams now if I put her down in the crib unless she is very very drowsy (was asleep in my arms), then she will put herself to sleep. She wakes up around 4:20-5:30 am every morning for a feed then eventually settles back down until 6-7am. If she wakes before 7 then we will cosleep until 7. Her bedtime is 7:15-7:30p. Her wake windows are 2:25/2(due to short nap/overtired)/(2 if another short nap followed by another cap nap)(or 3-4h).

How can I better support her naps so that we can fully cut the third awkward nap? How can I support her separation anxiety but work on retraining her to sleep? She gets more worked up if I pat and shush her in her crib. How can I work on eliminating the 4am snooze feed (she sometimes/rarely) sleeps through that)?

[u/hss_2018 → u/LadyCrisp9]

Here are my top tips for separation anxiety:

1. Practice short, low-pressure separations during the day Start with really small moments like stepping out of the room for 10–30 seconds and coming back. This helps them learn “you leave and you always come back” without it only happening at bedtime.

2. Play peekaboo and “object permanence” games: This stage is when babies realize you exist even when they can’t see you. Games like peekaboo or hiding and reappearing actually help build that understanding in a playful way.

3. Create a very predictable bedtime routine Same steps, same order, same phrases every night. Predictability builds security. When bedtime feels familiar, separation feels less abrupt.

4. Use your voice as reassurance before physical help If they fuss, try responding with your voice first before immediately picking up. This helps them feel your presence while also giving them space to settle.

5. Be consistent with how you respond This is the biggest one. When your response is predictable (even if they protest a bit), it actually reduces anxiety over time because they know what to expect.

Separation anxiety isn’t something you have to “fix.” It’s something you support them through while still holding gentle, clear boundaries around sleep.

With that being said, I’d suggest moving to 2.5/2.5/2.5/2.5 and going back to putting down awake, with a calm predictable response to the protest!

[u/oliveandbee]

Hi Ashley! My 6.5mo is currently at 2/2.5/2.5/2. Total daytime sleep is at 3-3.25 hours. Bedtime between 6.30 and 7pm. He used to wake once at 4am for a feed and then wake for the day at 7am. Currently wakes once or twice overnight: 10pm-11pm and 3-4am and wakes early at either 5am or 6am. I tend to feed to soothe/sleep at these overnight wakes as nothing else settles him. I am thinking his WWs probably need to be stretched, how do I approach this? And at what point do we drop the last nap? Thank you!

[u/hss_2018 → u/oliveandbee]

Yep! I’d start with going to 2.5 hours of WT before bedtime as a starting point. Gradually increase to 2.5 before nap 1 if/when that’s needed and then a starting 2 nap schedule is 2.75-3/3-3.25/3-3.5.

[u/mel-maybe]

Hi! I have a 6 month old who used to go down on his back with soothing and a pacifier. We removed the pacifier and had to go back to bouncing on a yoga ball to sleep. We’ve tried to do less bouncing and just hold him but he just cries for a long time. How can we get him to independent sleep? Should we just let him cry in our arms which feels at least better than a graduated/full extinction? 

[u/hss_2018 → u/mel-maybe]

If they’re crying a lot with help, then that’s either a sign they’re not tired enough for sleep yet OR they’d cry less with space (because the help isn’t helping, it’s backfiring). So I’d suggest starting with a schedule tweak with more sleep pressure and if that doesn’t help, consider being a little less hands on!

[u/zeegee93]

Hi Ashley,

We have been trying to transition my 15 month to one nap after 4 months of issues with daytime sleep! We’ve been trialling different wake windows and we cannot seem to get him to nap longer than 35 minutes (some naps are only 25 minutes). We’ve tried 5.5/6 then flipped it to 6/5.5. The nap will not extend past 35 minutes unless I rescue it somehow. We’ve resorted to some 2-nap days, which honestly have not been any better. He was previously doing 3.5/3.75/3.75-4, about 1.5 hours of naps. We’ve been coping with poor daytime sleep because his night sleep had not been affected. Struggling as of beginning of this week, he now has split nights where he’ll be awake from 12PM to 3PM. We’ve been managing by bringing him into bed with us, which is now creating its own issues.

Is it normal for the one nap to be incredibly short when first transitioning? And if so, how do we troubleshoot this?

[u/hss_2018 → u/zeegee93]

How does he fall asleep for the nap? What’s his nap routine? Sleep environment?

[u/[deleted]]

Hi Ashley! Thank you for offering this :)

I’m really lost with my LO’s schedule. I truthfully don’t even know where to start. I’m looking to sleep train in a few weeks (baby is 16 weeks). But I really would love a schedule that helps set baby up for success. We’re currently on 4 naps but feel like wake windows are inconsistent. Currently trying 1.5/1.5/1.5/1.75/1.75-2. Baby definitely seems to start showing sleepy cues around 1.5hours. Baby rubs eyes, stares off, nuzzles their head on my chest if I’m holding them. At bedtime, we went from transferring while asleep to having them fall asleep in their bassinet (usually with a pacifier). The night has been so broken recently with baby waking every 1-2 hours. But just a few nights ago we had 4+ hour stretches. I’m also pretty convinced we experienced the 4 month sleep regression early. Do you have a recommended schedule to start and max daytime sleep recommendations? I’m honestly scared to start capping daytime sleep if nighttime sleep is bad, since I’m hoping baby gets enough sleep in 24hours, (I’m sure that’s partly contributing to vicious cycle?) Just an anxious FTM who had no idea how much of a science baby sleep was!

[u/hss_2018 → u/[deleted]]

That’s pretty close to a starting schedule I’d use for 4 naps with a baby this age! I usually cap day sleep at 4.5 hours and I might have one longer WT than you do so I don’t think that’s an issue! You’re right that they probably have matured sleep cycles now and the pacifier is just disrupting sleep. I’d feel comfy recommending sleep training with that schedule!

[u/YikesBikes09]

Hey there thanks for doing this. I’ve only seen one other person ask about split nights - What’s the deal with these? This is a new issue for our 14M old, 1 nap, 5.75/5.5-5.75. Undertired? Overtired? She is screaming when she wakes up 2/3AM? Then we hold her but she still takes a while to fall asleep in our arms.

[u/hss_2018 → u/YikesBikes09]

How long has she been on that schedule?

[u/Efficient_Bee4584]

Right now my 5 month old baby has been having allergy issues and has been very itchy and it’s disrupted her sleep. We’ll be seeing an allergist next week. She normally sleeps in her pack and play with a few wake ups a night but because she’s been so itchy she can only sleep for 30 minute stretch at the beginning of the night and then just failed transfers. During the day she has always contact napped. I’ve been letting her cosleep with me because it’s the only way I can get her to sleep. Sometimes I have to hold her arms down to prevent her from scratching and waking herself up.

I’m hoping that we’ll be figuring out her skin issues soon and then she’ll be able to sleep independently again, but I’m scared I’ve completely ruined her ability to sleep alone!

Do you think once she’s feeling better we’ll be able to sleep train or will it be much harder now?

[u/hss_2018 → u/Efficient_Bee4584]

Any habits can be changed! I wouldn’t worry about what you’re doing right now influencing anything later on.

[u/straawbunnii]

Hey Ashely!

I have a 13 month old girl and just yesterday I put her on a 1 nap schedule because she was getting hard to put down for her 2nd nap and even had a split night when she normally sleeps through the night. Her previous WW was roughly 3.25-3.5/3.5-3.75/4 and now I’m working her up to the 1 nap schedule so now it looks more like 4.5/5.5 for the time being. She seems to be doing well so far as she slept 12-2 both yesterday and today. I guess my biggest worry is that if this transition is too early for her? And if I should just completely pull the bandaid off and do the proper 1 nap schedule (I think it’s 5.5/6? (I could be wrong). TIA! Also she’s always seemed to be right on track or even earlier at dropping naps if that helps!

[u/hss_2018 → u/straawbunnii]

There’s no evidence for when nap transitions happen or what the schedule has to be for any given age. The only thing that matters is that the schedule you’re on works specifically for her!

[u/justforfunsss_]

14.5 month old struggling with some night wakes but mostly early morning (5:30-6:30). The wake ups aren’t consistent but are ongoing. We transitioned to one nap at 13 months due to consistent early morning wakes.

Current schedule is Day 7am Nap 12:30-2:30 Bedtime 8

On two naps total awake time was 11.5 hours. And she was doing well up until about 12.5 months.

Bedtime is starting to get pushed to 8:15 as well. Any schedule suggestions to help?

[u/hss_2018 → u/justforfunsss_]

I’d try 1-3 nap and 8:30 bedtime!

[u/Beginning_Edge_3461]

My baby boy is 9mo, he sleeps the longest during contact naps. I’m able to rock/bounce my baby to sleep before bed and transfer him into his pack n play, we co-sleep in the sense that his bed is in our room beside my bed. I successfully transfer him to his crib and writhing 2-3 hours he’s awake crying. Most of the time I’m able to pat his butt back to sleep in less than a minute but a lot of times he won’t settle back until I pick him up, then he’s completely out again. He gets up between 3-5 times a night and the same cycles. How can we minimize this while sharing a room with him? He sleeps with a sound machine and we no longer night bottles

[u/hss_2018 → u/Beginning_Edge_3461]

You can start with independent sleep at bedtime! That’s doable while still sharing a room.

[u/akancha16]

Need help with 5month sleep schedule.

She is on 3 naps. She sleeps independently for her naps and also for bedtime

1.5/1.75/2/2.25

Her naps are usually 40mins only and when put to bed for night(which seems to be around 5) she wakes up every 10-20mins crying sucking her hands. This goes on till approximately 10pm and then she sleeps two hours intervals from there on.

DWT is 7pm

Not sure what am I doing wrong with her wake windows and need help with her every 10-20 mins wake ups from bedtime till 10pm.

I tried increasing her wake windows to 1.75/2/2/2.25 but no improvement. Increased more to 2/2/2.25/2.5 still no improvement. She has tough time making to her last wake windows and is super fussy.

[u/hss_2018 → u/akancha16]

What’s her nap and bedtime routine?

[u/Own_Relation_4664]

I hope you can help us! My baby just turned four months. Earlier this week he had a full night of sleep from 7:30-5! Then immediately has had terrible sleep intermixed with his normal one wake up a night. Every day seems to be changing despite us trying to be consistent. His naps suck and always have. Today he was crying for much of the day. Is this the dreaded 4 month regression? What can I do?

[u/hss_2018 → u/Own_Relation_4664]

It probably is!! Are you considering sleep training?

[u/IfuSeeThisuMatter]

This is so kind of you. Do you think it’s possible my 9 month old needs wake windows of 3.15/3.15/4.5? He seems a little better on longer windows. Also, can pick up put down work at his age? He still needs unpredictable assistance although puts himself to sleep 50% of the time! It’s so strange!

[u/hss_2018 → u/IfuSeeThisuMatter]

Absolutely possible! If it works, it works.

[u/Boring_Telephone_577]

Hi Ashley!

The current schedule for my almost 7 month old (end of this week) is 2.25/2.25/2.5/2.75. Sleep trained at 4.5 months, falls asleep independently for night sleep. Have contact napped up until recently when even with contact napping, he was taking short naps that I couldn’t always extend. Also having more resistance at bedtime and false starts (tbh we’ve kind of always had false starts). The other night, we experienced our first split night- it was awful and lasted about ~2 hrs. We’ve started practicing crib hour for the first nap, continuing to contact nap other 2 naps until first consolidates. We’ve noticed the first nap is just not consolidating and it’s hit or miss if he falls back asleep after waking after his first sleep cycle ~30 mins. I’m wondering if I need to extend first WW to 2.5. If I do that, I feel I need to also extend the second one to 2.5. I genuinely don’t think he’s ready for 2 naps quite yet. I don’t know if he’s currently overtired from losing day sleep nice nap training and trying to cap other naps to keep bedtime relatively the same (anywhere from 2.25-2.5 hours of day sleep recently, use to get 2.5-3) or if he’s just undertired and if so where I should go next. Considering 2.5/2.5/2.5/2.5 to get 10 hours total wake time until ready to drop to 2 naps- but that would be pulling back the last WW. Might even it all out? Feeling like we were getting the hang of things but now it’s all over the place. Other random helpful info - DWT 7am, bedtime currently about 7:30. One scheduled feed overtime around 3am. TIA!

[u/hss_2018 → u/Boring_Telephone_577]

Absolutely agree with your schedule adjustments!

[u/uglypuglyy]

Hello! My four month old sleeps long stretches at night but his earliest bed time is always 9PM no matter what we do he refuses to fall asleep before then. Last nap of the day typically ends at 5:30.

[u/hss_2018 → u/uglypuglyy]

I’d roll with it!

[u/AdAdvanced245]

Hi!!

Thank you so much for doing this!!

If you happen upon this comment, I would love some advice for my 6.5 month old. His previous wake windows were 2/2.25/2.5/2.5 with bed at 7:15pm. He typically would nap the full hour and a half for his first nap, but the second would only last about 40 mins after a couple weeks on that schedule (last nap of the day was usually a catnap). Assumed he was needing some longer wake windows given the early and happy wakings. We have tried extending the wake windows, even attempting a two nap schedule as he seemed to be doing a 3 hour wake just fine, but at still struggling with early and happy wakings. Typical wake is around 6:45am with bed around 7:15pm. What are we doing wrong!?

ETA: He sleeps great at night, no matter how daytime sleep was, getting about 10.5 - 11 hours depending on if he wakes around 4am for a feed. All naps and night sleep have been in his crib since 4.5 months

[u/hss_2018 → u/AdAdvanced245]

I’d do a gradual increase of 2.25/2.5/2.5/2.5 to start!

[u/melisleigh]

Hi there! Thanks for offering your insights to so many of us :) I’ve read through so many questions and thoughtful responses already.

My son is 18 months old. He’s been sleep trained since 5 months but with illness and teething, haven’t been entirely consistent the whole time. We’ve moved homes/countries and have had to retrain a couple of times.

He sleeps through the night but we still struggle with early morning wakes. When he wakes early, he screams and cries and it’s clear he’s tired and is trying to sleep. When the sleep debt has been accumulating for days and days, I will sometimes assist him back to sleep. Although it can take a bit for the cortisol to drop, he does fall back asleep and usually sleeps for another sleep cycle. This only happens once every couple of weeks. Otherwise I leave him in his crib until 6am.

Our schedule is and first wake window is dependent on wake time. He wakes up between 5-530am most days. Daycare naps are typically 1140-1200 start and he’s usually awake by 2pm. I was putting him down at 7pm but then I started pulling back, thinking he had been overtired.

On nights he sleeps 10.5 hours or more, he wakes happy and content, even if it’s early, if I’ve done an earlier bedtime. But when he goes down at 7pm or later, he tends to wake screaming at 5am.

Hoping you can help guide our schedule. We’ve worked with a sleep consultant. She suggested 6 hours roughly between wake and nap and then 4-4.5 before bed. He’s definitely not ready for sleep until at least 4.5, but usually more like 4.75 at the earliest.

Please give any and all advice on early mornings. I appreciate anything you have to share! Thanks so much.

[u/hss_2018 → u/melisleigh]

So first wake window is 5.5-6 usually? If so I’d say 6:30-7 for bedtime would be appropriate?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Box_339]

Hi Ashley! Question about night feeds for my 5.5 month old. We used Ferber and CIO to sleep train him through a horrible 4 month regression and now he’s doing quite well, with an average of one wake up a night, outside his two night feeds.

Bub goes to bed around 7:30pm. Currently we give a dream feed 10:30am expressed breastmilk (about 100ml) and I breastfeed him around 3am. Then he’s up for the day around 6:30am but sometimes I feed him around 6am if he wakes early.

I do wonder if he still needs two overnight feeds? For context, he’s 30% centile for weight, healthy but has always been a snacker (eats small amounts frequently). We have just started him on solids.

Would you drop one of the night feeds? Which one? And how? Ultimate goal is more sleep for parents 😀 If this isn’t your domain, feel free to say so!

[u/hss_2018 → u/Puzzleheaded_Box_339]

I think you could try dropping the dream feed and seeing if he still sleeps until at least 2am!

[u/A_Golden_Ellie]

Thanks Ashley!

I have an 8 month old who is sleep trained for bedtime and falls asleep within 10 minutes independently with no/minimal tears. However, he still wakes every 1-3 hours overnight and can’t seem to fall back asleep unless I feed him. For middle of the night wakes, he’ll cry for over an hour with Ferber check ins. However, if I feed him, I can then put him down wide awake and he’ll again fall asleep independently with no tears within minutes.

Is this a sleep issue or more of a weaning issue? He’s been losing weight recently so I’m afraid to night wean him completely as I can’t seem to get him to nurse more in the day (currently every 1-2.5 hours) as he’s very distracted.

His schedule is waking between 6 and 7am and 2 naps totalling 2 hours: 2.75/3.25/4

Thanks!

[u/hss_2018 → u/A_Golden_Ellie]

What’s his bedtime routine?

[u/Thin-Individual5438]

Hi Ashley, 9.5 mo baby goes down around 7pm and wakes up at 6am…even if he sleeps at 6-630pm he wakes at 6am. He takes a total of 3 hours naps during day time and last wake window is about 4 hours. Is he low sleep needs?

[u/hss_2018 → u/Thin-Individual5438]

Sounds average to me!!

[u/getyourshittogetherq]

Came here to say, we used Heaven Sent Sleep 6 yrs ago with our firstborn, and Ashley’s info was so so helpful! Little man was an incredibly tough sleeper (low sleep need?) and as our first, we thought we were just doing everything wrong. After hours of sitting in the dark, crying, trying to get kiddo to sleep on his own, I found Ashley’s instagram and really resonated with the information and how she shared it. I credit her work for pulling me out of some rough postpartum depression💙 thank you!!

[u/VibrantVitality]

You may have signed off already! 7months old. Sleep trained with CIO bc she had a false starts from 7-midnight. We tried ferber but she got more upset when she saw me.

At this point she still cries whenever I put her down. She cries the moment she realizes it’s bedtime. She could be up for 3-4 hours, show sleepy cues sometimes not, it doesn’t seem to matter. The second I’m about to put her down she cries. I’ll quickly say goodnight and it lasts on and off for 5-10 mins. WW could be anywhere from 2/2.5/3/3.5 or 3/3/4. We usually aim for 10-11 awake time and gauge sleepy cues throughout the day

Will the crying at bedtime ever improve? When should I expect if to improve? It makes me nervous if anyone babysits….