Tomorrow, I am going to the tell the non-binary couple The Thing!

I'mma tell them that I've been awkward and twitchy wasn't Just the undiagnosed AuDHD... but that I've been attracted to them both since I was introduced to me by their partner... Who was my manager.😵

My mama didn't raise no rude dude. I wasn't gonna do any thing with those feelings. So opack 'em nice and neat in a pretty box... And hide on a shelf in my attic.

Welp, the attic floor gave out a month ago and I've been sorting through boxes. I found theirs... And I'm not gonna miss my chance again!

If 3 Enbys can't make a decision, we can at least make a great cuddle pile!

What the title says. I used to be pretty active in the queer T4T s*x party scene. But I’m unpartnered and I wasn’t very “active” in between parties. And realized I’d become reliant on s*x parties for intimacy and it didn’t feel healthy.

My goal was to focus on other ways of meeting people, emotional connection, and getting more comfortable flirting and being intimate in other settings.

Unfortunately that hasn’t worked out as well as I’d hoped. I’ve always been a bit insecure and now it’s been so long I feel the momentum and confidence I gained at the parties has fizzled. And idk if it’s a good idea for me to dive into such a sexually-charged environment after this long dry spell. I don’t want to give myself emotional whiplash again.

I feel conflicted about my choice to step away from s*x parties and I’m not sure what I should do now. Looking for community support and feedback.

And before anyone says it, yes I’m in therapy. Thankfully I found a therapist who’s queer and NB themselves and kink + polyam informed 🫶

My partner’s partner of 27 years is dying from alcoholic liver failure. When I met the two, partner A had warned me about Partner B’s drinking but I shrugged it off because I’m a nurse. I’ve seen most things and wanted to understand myself from a medical perspective. That being said our polycule was and always has been a V and not a triangle. That and I find Partner B to be inappropriate 8/10 times, overly sexualized in situations that doesn’t need it, and basically a spoiled brat. I can’t stand him. There have been periods where we have been cordial but I was SAd at a bar and Partner B’s response was to start talking about sex (I’m highly aware it is likely hepatic encephalopathy).

Because I’m used to death and dying, I’ve tried to have those conversations with Partner A about the death and dying process over the years. Well Partner B ended up in the hospital this week and from what I’ve heard, it’s looking like this might be the last one.

I’m struggling with supporting Partner A when Partner B has been a shitty person to me and I’m going to be relieved when he passes.

Which is the whole reason I’m writing this. I don’t know how to support my partner through this.

UPDATE: Partner B passed away and Partner A won’t talk to me. We had some very adult conversations that revolved around end of life choices (for me) and I am going through some disenfranchised grieving.

Yes, I understand the grieving process and that it looks different for everyone. I’m giving Partner A his space but idk if we are going to recover from this. Some nasty things were said in that convo on both sides.

How would you handle it if your long-distance partner was reluctant to set a time to see you, often only offering dates at the last minute and more than once, did not keep their agreements to see you on certain promised holidays because their other partner objected to your plans?

Hello, I’m 50 and have been gay (and kinky) since my early twenties. I have only been in love and had romantic feelings for one woman at a time.

Over the years I have been in primary relationships with women where we have fallen in love with each other romantically, reserved that for each other exclusively, then a few years go by and eventually we both have fun consensual sex with other people.

I have been single for awhile now and want to see if I can have romantic feelings for multiple people at once.

What do you wish you knew about being poly before you started?

Is anyone else here into BDSM and how does that affect your poly life?

How do you interact with your partner’s other partners?

If you date separately what does that look like?

(My post got removed from the main poly subreddit, I assume because I told men to leave me alone and that I only wanted a queer perspective oopsie)

traveling the next few weeks so some odd hour postings of MMJ incoming! still aiming for EST daytime. 🤗

Aplatonic vs Aromantic? How common is this in the polyamory community and how do I as a partner work on not feeling simply like a friend with benefits? As the aplatonic/aromantic partner how do you process romantic relationships? How do you work on making sure your partner feels loved for more than just their body?

So a little background I stopped trying to date or hookup several months ago.

I’m in my early 30s. I’ve only been in one relationship with someone who was very toxic. I also have sexual shame from family trauma.

I’m trans and genderqueer but in a very under-represented way. It felt like everyone who was into me either misgendered me, misclocked me, or expected me to perform gendered roles that made me uncomfortable and dysphoric. Even other trans and nonbinary folks. And I couldn’t take it anymore.

I found out recently one of my friends who, like myself, identifies as demiromantic and solo poly now has 3 friends with benefits. Our other friends and their partners congratulated them on “living their best solo poly life” and said how impressed they are, that this person must be a catch to find so many partners without even trying. I’m the only person I know who is single, not dating anyone and sexually inactive. And not by choice. And as much as I want my friends to be happy. Situations like this are becoming increasingly hard to cope with.

If it’s a choice between being invalidated and pressured to perform a role that makes me uncomfortable versus never dating anyone or having sex again ofc I choose the latter.

But I admit I’m extremely jealous of other polyam people who are able to heal in their relationships and feel good and safe exploring their sexuality. I struggle to feel compersion for my friends and I feel guilty about it. I feel isolated in my experience and like an outsider in polyam and kink-positive IRL spaces. I try to hide this the best I can and save it for my therapist but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to cope with to the point where I’ve started to pull back on polyam, kink-positive, and even queer social events.

Obviously that’s not going to help me and it’s not healthy but I’m not sure what else to do.

So, I (43nb) have a spouse (47nb), married 12 years, and a nesting partner (33nb), together almost 3 years. We all live in the same Canadian city. My spouse and I have very different lifestyles so we find it better to live separately, hence why they're not my NP. We're all disabled, but in different ways. Most relevant is that my NP and I are more mobile, though I don't drive and they do. This isn't a triad; my spouse and NP are metas to each other.

My NP and spouse have a good friendship as well, and the three of us often spend time together, sometimes with mutual friends too. For example, we're doing the classic KTP stereotype tonight—playing D&D together! 😂

Anyway, what I really want to gush about is how much my partners help each other out. Because my spouse is generally homebound, my NP will volunteer to drive them to appointments, pick up groceries for them, etc. They do this for them quite frequently, of their own accord (they also work driving seniors around, and volunteer with a mask distribution organization, especially for immunocompromised people and event organizers). Meanwhile, my spouse helps my NP with other stuff as well. My NP moved here from the US, so my spouse helps them navigate Canadian bureaucracy, which they know the ins and outs of very well (much better than me!).

And then, last month I ended up with a serious infection that landed me in the hospital for a week. I was delirious when I arrived at the ER, and even after it subsided I was still pretty out of it, so my NP handled most of the communication with my doctors. My NP also kept my spouse up to date on my care and status, and my spouse made sure my NP knew everything they needed to know about my medical history. They really worked as a team to advocate for me and to be there for me.

It just makes me so happy that not only do they get along, but also go out of their way to support each other too! This is my dream polycule!

Hey all, I'm a trans woman in a fairly tight knit community of trans folks in the PNW. I'm also poly, and have two partners. I met most of my friends through a support group when we were all first coming out about 4 years ago, so there's been this lovely natural experiment we've all been in, watching our lives take shape together. Many of the women I know have entered into poly or ENM in some form over this time, including myself.

I've started hearing from a number of friends that they are poly "because they have to be." That is, either they feel like the dating pool available to them is mostly poly people, or they have settled for poly partners out of a fear of being alone. I was recently heading towards a relationship with a woman who dropped this one on me, and I realized I needed to step on the brakes. On the one hand, I feel bad for her, that she can't find the confidence to go after what she really wants in a relationship. On the other hand, I'm a little miffed. I feel like entering poly relationships knowing that there's always going to be this gap in your fulfillment is, well, disingenuous.

I'm poly because I enjoy experiencing relationships with different people, not begrudgingly or out of a sense of scarcity. I can understand getting into a relationship with someone who can't commit as much time or energy as you'd like, but I don't really want to date people who would always be measuring our relationship against some hypothetical "one" for them. I'm curious if other people here have run into potential partners with this attitude towards poly.

Hello Everyone! The next NYC Poly Cocktails is on March 9, from 7p-12a, Lower East Side, 21+. Free to attend, reasonably priced boozy and non-boozy drinks, bring snacks to share! We've moved RSVPs over to our private meetup group: Poly Cocktails NYC Meetup Group. Hope to see you there! <3 Chrissy

Throw away account because I'm embarrassed to use my main

I'm friends with 3 couples in open and poly queer relationships and we all have super flirty dynamic. My boyfriend and I are monogamous but I want to try doing things with my friends because I feel kind of like I'm missing out on getting to indulge my bisexuality and he's cool with doing stuff with me. We're going on vacation in April with 3 of them who are nonbinary, away from their partners and sharing a hotel suite, and my boyfriend doesn't want to do anything with their partners anyways so it works out really well.

I want to stay monogamous with my boyfriend but I figure it's fine if we do things together and I know my friends are down and I think because we have such a flirty dynamic it shouldn't mess up our friendships but I wanted to get some feed back.

Ok so, I've seen the flip side of this discussed all over, But surly you must have encountered this before. My partner is poly, I am not.

We went into this fully discussing it. Within a week, she told me that if/when someone came back into her life, (let's call them J) then she might want to get back with them. It seemed like that wouldn't be for years. I said I wouldn't want to be in a polyamorous relationship, but I would take whatever time with her I could get, be it 2 day, 2 years, 2 decades or longer. That was a little over a year ago.

Since then, she wanted or needed (not really sure) to hook up with other people. I reluctantly agreed. She had been fully monogamous for 9 months I knew that wouldn't be forever. At first it hurt, but with self reflection, discussions, & time, the pain went away. I just had to feel that she still loved me. It took everything I've learned about maintaining mental health, but I am ok with it; I even look forward to joining in sometimes.

But then a week or so ago, she told me she had a crush on someone & suddenly I was right back where I was. A couple nights ago, we had a talk, the crush was serious. I've spent so much time thinking about this day, I've considered seeking a second partner or trying to be a throuple, hoping to keep things balanced, but I only want her. I've considered leaving her, but I just want to be with her. I love her so much. From our talk, it sounds like we'll be together till the end of the school year (she also doesn't see us being together forever). The pain of losing her to polyamory isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

2 weeks ago I was considering if/when to propose to her. Not for a year or 2, just to give more relationship issues a chance to surface (and for us to finish college). Now I'm morning the loss of the future we could have had together, but she's still here. I've never cried over losing someone that's still with me, it's weird. I keep hoping that she'll decide that polyamory isn't for her after all, or I'll wake up and this will all have been a dream, but I don't think that's how this works. I know if I want to be with her I have to take her as she is.

note: this next part is less poly focused

I've always known that. I was hesitant to start dating her because of all the potential problems, she only had 2 other friends, she was still grieving the kind of death of J (don't ask) & I was worried that if we broke up, she would be worse than ever. Instead, I was her friend. I offered her emotion support & advice from my experiences. I watch her make new friends, & spend less night crying over J. Eventually, after she seemed to be doing better, I fell for her, hard.

I've loved looking over at her when we're out at some event, I've loved cuddling her, I've loved talking her through how she felt. She says I'm really good at that, but that's the other problem. We don't know if she wanted to be with me, or if she wanted my support, either way she's stressed & feels guilty & I don't know what else to say. I broke up with my ex boyfriend over a similar anxiety, & the just 180ed to "what if I actual DID like him?" Anxiety's a bitch, I don't want to lose her to that.

I don't what I can do. I don't know what I should do. I just need some old queer who fought at Stonewall to tell me I'm being stupid.

2nd note: I'm glad for the time we've had, if I could go back to before we started dating I wouldn't change a thing

Im 35, adopted, a retired working girl, a childhood abuse victim in basically every way possible, a trans woman, polyamorous and bisexual/queer and have been transitioning slowly since 2014, I came out in 2017 and started hrt in 2018 and have been in many relationships and done multiple types of sw and online modeling and have lived a very very long and at times very difficult life as a trans woman.

Anyway about the bi part and my question, I realized I was bi back in 2023 and had to do alot of unpacking. About 2 years ago in late 2023 or early 2024 I connected with a nonbianary person on a whim to play magic and we became freinds quickly and hung out alot but I was nervous cause they were in a rough place and at the time i thought we would be better just being friends. In late in 2024 I fell ill due to addiction brought on by trauma from being ghosted in the summer of 2024 by someone who lovebombed me and a long term abusive relationship (that ended last December finnaly) and I had a heart attack. My nonbianary freind was the only person to respond to my emergency and saved my life and I began to crush on them hard. in early 2025 I realized I wanted to be with them but since I'm trans and they don't take hrt and had never dated a trans woman I thought I didn't have a chance. In August we hung out with their cis fwb and I realized she looked incredibly similar to me body type and style wise and I realized I Might have a chance with my freind.

Over the next few months my gf and I started seeing somone and it didn't work for me but she kept seeing my gf and flaked on our Halloween plans made all the way back in January and left me alone. I did a shit ton of my adhd meds and went to a goth night on Halloween with my exs ex whos a dj (just as freinds nothing came of it shes not the person this post is about) and the next day (november 1rst) I finnaly managed to find the courage to have sex with my nonbianary freind and within a week we started dating and my gf broke up with her other partner and moved back in with her grandmother and her father and his wife. Since then I've done alot of stuff with my partner but about two weeks ago I let them go all the way in bed (they were extremely rough and came inside me and i have never had the second part before only on me )and I felt so small and I remember they were just sitting on the edge of the bed after panting and chugging water and they were wide eyed and looked like they had seen a ghost then asked to take me to breakfast and had this wry smile the whole time and ate a full plate of enchaladas

I tried to bring up how I felt last weekend and before I could start talking while they were sitting in bed next to me they grabbed me and pushed me down and choked me and reached down and gently kissed me on the lips and smiled. I felt warm and like time stood still for a second and we were in a pocket dimension.

Anyway I don't know what to do I don't want to ruin this and every time I let someone go too far I lose them. Help I'm scared what do I do? I love them and knew that I was taking a risk being more than friends because they have been extremely supportive and if it doesn't work out I'll be broken. They talk about moving to Europe with me and taking me clubbing in Berlin sometimes I don't know how to handle this im so scared I've never gotten so far with someone before especially someone who's not a woman of some flavor. I want to be theirs forever i dont care if they see others i just want to be included, communicated with, not abandoned and have them be consistent and they said they can do that but im still scared, how the hell do I handle all this?

So I'm an anxious mess of a person, and I do not have friends where I live. Lately I have been trying to make more connections (because being lonely sucks), and there's one in particular I am just not brave enough to go for.

Unless it would be appropriate. Trouble is, I can't really figure out if it is. While I really just want to talk again and hang out sometimes, it is very much not that simple. Or maybe it is and I'm just overthinking it. Either way, I want to figure out if I should try and reconnect with a dear human, for whom I -happen to have- some romantic feelings for.

I (38NB) have had a connection with my comet (40M) for 22 years. My NP (38M) knows all about my comet, and has been very supportive. Long story short (there are a lot of details, but that's a tale requiring a wine cellar), I vanished on him at the start of college after I got assaulted, and we lost touch for quite a while. Then a close friend passed suddenly, and I was swallowed by grief for a long time.

Near the end of that time, I made the decision to tell my comet that he was important to me because life is short. My friend passed with some important stuff unsaid, and I didn't want that to happen here.

Comet and I were both in long-term committed relationships (still are, same ones), so I asked him if it was okay before dumping it in his DMs. He said yes, read my notes, and was very gracious and sweet about the whole thing.

We've been back in touch ever since (it's been 4 years now), and our interactions have gotten more frequent and less nervous. We don't DM, generally: our interactions are currently limited to the private social media world unless we happen to be physically in the same place.

I want to reconnect with him--a romantic relationship would not be the goal. (Though I should add: that is something I would LOVE to explore with him if the stars align) And that wouldn't be an issue, except for the fact that we used to be kind of close in a more-than-friends sort of way.

While I am polyam, and I am Fairly Certain he knows that, I don't know if he is, and asking doesn't feel like the move. I have met his partner (separately), and she's (38F) great, so I also don't want to give her any reason to be weirded out. (I also don't know if she is, but i suspect she's at least considered it.)

Comet has told his partner a little about how we were connected. I don't know what, but she was the one who told me about that, and she didn't seem angry or offended, so it couldn't have been that bad! His partner can see anything we say to each other, and I feel much better knowing that.

There may be some feelings on his side too (I don't want to assume) but like I said before, that's not important for just friend connecting.

Would it be inappropriate to try and reconnect or am I overthinking this like a lot?

My [38 f] best friend [33 f] became my gf 4 months ago. We both are married, and live in separate states [we met online over a year ago], but we believed it would be a good and safe scenario to explore a wlw relationship given that we were best friends and also married. Neither of us have dated another woman before [or have been poly before]. I knew she was brand new to coming out (as bi last year), but I've been out (as bi) since my mid 20s. Most of my prior experiences with women have been purely sexual (and not emotional/relationship based), so it was something I wanted to explore in this situation - which she was up for and wanted as well since she's only been with/dated her spouse. We've both met one another's spouses and they're very supportive of us exploring this.

The start of the relationship [after our first in-person visit went well and we made out] was very exciting and comfortable, but posed challenges given the long distance. We eventually settled into a groove of meeting [virtually] twice a week after work and spending a couple of hours each time with one another during our calls. What I had hoped for was that our in-person chemistry and romantic connection would translate virtually, but that has not been the case. Most of our virtual hangouts have not dug further emotionally, and were predominantly idle chatter or us watching a tv show together. Admittedly, I knew our relationship would be part-time, but I also didn't expect it to be very part-time (i.e., 2-6 hrs/week, though we do text every day). When I communicated this concern, she told me that she connects more so physically and it was a barrier for her virtually (but she was willing to work on it). Admittedly, her schedule has been a bit busier than mine, but sometimes she's able to add in extra time to hang out with me.

The second time we met in person was when she visited with her spouse, but he left early so she could have 2 days with me one-on-one. Those were fantastic, for the most part, and her and I connected really deeply and in a romantic way. However, there were a few scenarios in which she felt ashamed [and paranoid] to appear as a couple with me out in public; this bothered me, as my ideal wlw relationship was one in which I could no longer care about public speculation. She admitted to still feeling closeted, and that she was paranoid about someone from work [her company has a branch in my city] seeing her and believing she was cheating on her spouse or misjudging the situation. This made me feel like I was forced to be in the closet again. She has taken baby steps in making progress in coming out more [telling a close family member she's bi or making more lgbtq friends and going out], but there's been other unusual paranoid scenarios - like her hiding her phone in the car or going more than 24 hrs without communication because she's with [conservative] family or friends [who don't know she's poly] in fear I'll text her and they'll see something I said [instead of giving me a heads up not to text]. On her last visit, we were chatting so much in my car [in a side street behind a diner] that the windows fogged up; I asked to kiss her and she had to look around to make sure no one was watching before she agreed.

I completely understand there are many layers to this - her accepting being bisexual as well as accepting she's in a poly situation and how that relates in the world around us. On top of that, she is also going through a general identity crisis and evaluation of self worth with life and her career. Nearly every week she is an emotional wreck or depressed. Regardless, I've been incredibly patient, supportive, and understanding. However, sometimes her emotional turmoil and identity crisis hurts me or affects me directly, and I feel it does take away from the ideal wlw relationship I had expected/hoped to be in. Most of my friends are telling me that neither of us should have rushed into a relationship until she accepted being gay and coming out and sorted through everything else in her life. My gf believes we can talk and worth through this and that I've helped her make progress in coming to terms with her identity or being more comfortable being in a gay relationship.

Recently, she became anxious that I might have tainted her blood donor status [she's a universal donor] and unintentionally insinuated that I might be positive for a certain herpes virus\* (because we've kissed and I've been with more people than her). I understand her concern about it given her lack of partners, but how she went about questioning me really hurt my feelings. It was kind of my last straw amongst all of my other concerns, and the result of our conversation on it was us taking a week off to analyze the relationship and determine if we should continue. I'm really torn because I love her and have feelings for her [and want the relationship to grow], but there are so many emotionally exhausting layers to this I did not expect.

Should I be patient and give her a chance to work through these fears and self identity anxiety while dating her, or is it healthier [for both of us] for her to explore and come to terms with this on her own?

TL;DR: My gf is new to being bi, poly, and having a partner (outside of her spouse) that it gives her constant anxiety or paranoia [in or out of public] that sometimes she remains closeted and [unintentionally] negatively affects our relationship (which is a new wlw/poly experience for me as well). On top of that, she is grappling with general self worth and value within life and her career, and often becomes angry or depressive over it. Another negative recent event [where she became anxious I gave her a certain herpes virus\* from kissing her] has led us to reevaluate the relationship for the next week and determine if we should continue with the relationship. This emotional turmoil has also caused me anxiety or has hurt my feelings in some way that it has diminished the first wlw relationship I had hoped it could be. Should I continue to be patient and supportive while she works through these issues, or let her work through these issues on her own?

\Side note: Understanding her concern, I did schedule STD and blood type panel testing [as the herpes virus she's worried about catching from me (that I've never heard of) affects a universal blood donor status] which I will be getting done next week.*