First, I'm not really complaining, "venting" just seemed like the closest of the flair options. For the past 10 years of being queer and some flavor of poly, I've always been able to find either partners or hookups when I have wanted to, perhaps in part due to my own stubbornness. But I want to ruminate a little on my experiences dating in 2025.

I know it's a stereotype, the straight guy/bi woman couple decide to open up, bi woman is swamped and the straight guy gets crickets on the apps. I'd like to posit that this doesn't just apply to men, it applies to anyone trying to date women. I'm speaking as a (mostly)cis woman who has been on the apps looking for women and enbies for the past year.

I've had luck with apps in past. One six month relationship in 2024, one lovely fling that lasted a few months until the person moved, some years-long friendships and one casual friend who introduced me to his roommate who I ended up dating for years, and my partner of the past year who I'm so delighted with that I'm feeling more ENM than poly lately. But these connections have all been men, both trans and cis.

I met my female partner of a decade at a house party, and any time I've either hooked up with, played consistently with, or dated a woman, she's been someone I met more organically. I spent 2025 looking for some more femme energy. In past, with men visible on the apps, I felt like I had my pick (doesn't hurt that I'm also a domme, which tends to be in high demand with a specific category of men). With men turned off on the apps, I was getting just a couple likes a week. The women who piqued my interest the most were not liking me back at all. Many women didn't write back if I initiated a conversation after we matched. I'm usually more attracted to masc or alt presentation, while also presenting masc myself, which I know narrows my field.

I went on 4 new dates in 2025. One went quite well, but the person moved away within weeks after the date. Two went hilariously badly, involved a lot of trauma dumping, and will make for funny stories in the future. One went great and we're casually playing, but I realized I'm not sexually attracted.

I haven't solely been on apps, and in fact, I've decided that apps are one of the worst ways for me to meet people at this time in my life, so I've shut them down for now. I can't assess chemistry at all over text, and a first meet for coffee or dinner or drinks is a high social stress environment for me, where I tend to be overwhelmed, rigid, and not at my best. I have also been dancing and finding other new social activities, which has been leading to much more natural flirting and much lower stress on my end.

I think my point is that poly/ENM dating is hard right now, perhaps not just for men, but for anyone who is trying to date women. Lesbians are generally not thrilled when they hear that I have a male partner, no matter how queer he actually is (and no one reads profiles, even when I put it front and center). Actually, lesbians are usually fine with him when they meet him in person, so taking him to queer dances is working in my favor, but just hearing about the bi or pan woman with the man in her life is a bunch of red flags to lots of lesbians. That's fair. Women overall seem to be really wary and mistrustful of new people, male or female, lately. That's also fair, so am I. It seems like everyone is complaining about their struggles to find good, safe sex, or intimacy, but everyone is also wary and shut down to new connections.

I suppose I'm interested in hearing other experiences, particularly other people trying to form sapphic connections. Does any of this resonate, have your experiences been similar, or different? And hey, guys, it's not just you who are struggling!

My partner and I are moving up there towards the end of the year, both in our 30's, just curious if anyone lives over there and knows what the vibe is like! We'll be moving to the Albany area.

Y’all know how groups of queer polyam friends can evolve into polycules? How common is it for those polycules to include all but one or maybe two people, and soon after everyone in the polycule disengages from those who aren’t? Basically ending the friendship because they aren’t dating / having sex with you?

This has happened to me more than once so I’m wondering if it’s just an unfortunately reality in queer polyam circles or if my friends were just being jerks.

So I matched with this (cis) guy who has his sexuality listed as “lesbian”. I asked about it and this was the resulting convo. I’m a very confused autist rn.

My long term partner and I opened our relationship to explore polyamory, and I quickly matched with a bi woman who I had amazing chemistry with. I have never been so drawn to someone in my life. I was hooked. On the first date, she told me she had a long term cis male partner who was long distance, but that they were not hierarchical and did not practice veto power. She said when they first opened, she wanted there to be a lot of boundaries in place while they explored polyamory, but now they were both comfortable with poly and there were no restrictions. I saw that as a good sign, as I have no interest in being ranked secondary to anyone. 

We continued to date, and eventually I asked if we could move things from casual to more of a serious relationship. She agreed, and mentioned that although they did not have veto power, there was some inherent hierarchy because of their 6-year history together, but they aimed to be communicative and equitable with all their partners/metas. She said that she didn’t think they were primary partners, but that was something she would need to discuss with him. Fine, that’s fair. I don’t claim to have the same importance to her as someone in her life for six years. I assumed that just meant that they share some financial commitments and future goals, but would still treat other partners equitably. We moved forward and things were great. She said she loved me and she could see a future with me, even including living together with her other partner. I was elated.

However, as time went on, I began to feel more and more insecure in our relationship. On one of our dates, she talked about her long term partner as her “primary”. This was the first time I heard her refer to him thus, and I was a little shocked, as we had never talked about this label being applied to their partnership. My long term partner and I broke up around this point as well, so I was only dating her.

I started asking more questions about what boundaries, if any, were in place for my relationship with her. She said that she wasn’t comfortable with being out as poly at work, and that she didn’t know who she was going to marry or if she was going to marry, and that historically all holidays were with her long term partner but that could change in the future if we got closer. She said she didn’t think she wanted kids, but if she did, they would be with her long term partner. She said that she envisioned living with all her partners and her partners’ partners in a house together, but that logistically it could be difficult, and the two of them could end up moving away and leaving me behind without much sway in their decision. 

This was all hard for me because it appeared that there was not just inherent hierarchy, but defined primary-secondary hierarchy, where I was ranked second, without my agreement. It was even harder for me because they present as a cis-het couple, and get all the social legitimacy and financial benefits of a heterosexual couple, while I felt like the female side-piece for the bisexual wife who wants sexual variety but gets to keep her het-presenting husband. 

However, I really tried to make things work. I really wanted it to work, and I agreed to meet him and the meeting went well. I liked him! But the insecurities about the hierarchy continued, as I worried they could just move away without me and I would have no control over it. 

When I brought up these dynamics and how the hierarchy was challenging for me, especially since it hadn’t been explicitly defined early on, she got quite defensive. When I mentioned feeling insecure and nervous about their heterosexual primary dynamic, especially because he is a cis white man (I am a queer nonbinary leaning woman of color), she felt like I was attacking her bisexuality. However, with more explanation from my side of my experiences with discrimination and microaggressions, she seemed to understand. I even came up with a plan to start texting her partner regularly to be friends with him and reduce my insecurities if I could get to know him better. However, she then told him about my insecurities about their primary, heterosexual relationship without my prior knowledge or consent. He did not take it well, and was upset that I was uncomfortable with his whiteness and maleness. He told her that he no longer felt comfortable with her seeing me anymore. 

I was devastated when she told me about this. She told me that she could no longer offer me long term commitments, because she didn’t feel that we were compatible. She said I was being biased against him, “the person she loves.” This stung on top of the veto, as it seemed to imply that he was the only person she really loves, despite her telling me she loved me too. This all came after she had said things like “I don’t actually like men that much,” “my long term partner is just grandfathered in,” and “I don’t date men anymore because I already have him,” numerous times to me. When she said things like that, there were no consequences. But when I brought up my real lived experience of being on the short end of heterosexual privilege, white privilege, and couples privilege, my experiences were framed as bias.

I told her I felt like I was being vetoed, and she said it was not a veto because he did not actually say that she could not see me anymore. But the effect was the same, because in the end, any long-term plans were taken off the table, due to a conversation I was not actually present for and for something I had never actually done to him. I felt that my trust was betrayed, my autonomy taken away, and an immense sense of powerlessness.

I realized I could never be emotionally safe in this relationship after this. This was exactly what I had been worried about, and I had thought that she would be different, that she really cared about me and wouldn’t hurt me like this, but she did all the same. I am angry at her for going behind my back and telling him my personal vulnerabilities, for placing his comfort over my emotional safety, and for not being explicit about their degree of hierarchy early on. I'm angry at him for using his couples privilege to effectively veto me instead of being understanding of my vulnerabilities and trying to find a way to resolve the situation. 

I also put in way more effort than her throughout our relationship, paying for dinners, taking her out to a nice restaurant and giving her plenty of homemade gifts and desserts for her birthday, planning almost all of our dates and trips meticulously, showering her with gifts and food items whenever I saw her. I feel so silly now.

I tried poly, and it hurt so much. I don’t think I can ever do it again.

(Crossposted)

My friend told me they’re going to a play party with their partner (who I’m also friends with) and two of our mutual friends. It’s specifically a BIPOC party and I’m white so I can’t go which ofc I have no problem with that! I’d never push myself into a space that wasn’t for me.

But the situation is bringing back emotions from another group of people I’m no longer friends with. Who were all sexually / romantically interested in each other and became a polycule that I wasn’t part of and they all basically forgot about me. Actually that happened to me twice. On top of that I’ve had awful luck dating in general. Mainly due to my gender identity / presentation but anyway I’ve been (probably irrationally) worried that my current friend group will do the same thing and this is just triggering that anxiety.

I don’t know if I should say something and/or what I would even say. I don’t want them to think I “feel excluded as white person because I’m not allowed in a BIPOC space” and I don’t want it to come off like I want to fuck / play with them. They already said they would’ve invited me if it wasn’t a BIPOC-only party. And I already said I’d like to come the next time if it’s a mixed space.

But yeah, I didn’t tell them how triggered I’m feeling and idk if I should say anything. Looking for advice and emotional support. Thanks.

hello! i am new here and wanted to share how ive been feeling about my new dynamic with my partner as we explore opening up our relationship.

a little backstory, my domestic partner and i were friends for a few yrs before we started dating. my partner and i are both acespec, but my libido is higher and my partner does not experience sexual attraction, but enjoys sex. This has been something that has affected me in the past in ways where ive become uncertain of my partner's dedication to our relationship because of my own paranoid thinking (i have severe mental illness, it feels very real to me sometimes). we spoke about it recently and my partner made clear to me that if i wanted to fulfill these needs elsewhere i was free to as long as we talked about my relationships outside of my partner together. i was much more receptive to this idea than i would have been a yrar ago starting this relationship because i have learned a lot about myself and have been through recovery to heal the wounds that cause me to anticipate jealousy like i did.

i believe i am ambiamorous and i am enjoying exploring the part of me that yearns for the multiple relationships that polyamory offers. i have now started talking to a friend of mine who is a pup as well as a girl i met on taimi who i really like spending time with who is also a pup and ive been so excited about these new relationships forming.

the friend was somebody who spoke up about having feelings for me after my partner and i asked if they wanted to move out together with us to make rent cheaper for all of us as were all trying to get out of our parent's hiuses this yr. this happened a few weeks after my partner and i opened up our relationship and i had actually considered asking this friend to hook up with me before but got too scared lol. so i was honest about what the relationship im currently in looks like and we agreed to go on a date. the date went SO well and i realized what my feelings were pushing me towards was a second domestic partnership with them so that i could take care of both of them under one roof as a housewife of sorts. ive always craved the dynamic of having a butch to look after and take care of, and now i may have that with 2 people. my friend recoprocated when i expressed these feelings and i was on top of the moon! we have another date next wednesday and we talk most days now.

onto the puppy im playing with... i met her on taimi and she is a sweet trans girl. ive never been with anybody other than my partner so i was a little worried i wouldnt 'perform' well, but i was completely proven wrong lol. we enjoyed eachother so much and i felt new sensations i havent felt before (my partner and i havent tried everuthing i want to try due to my partners sensory issues, but this pup was more than on board with those things :]). it felt nice to have sortof-casual sex for the first time, but also we are also going to hang out sometime next week at her place to watch her favourite show!! so im hoping we can be longterm fwb and have a good time together.

its so nice to have so many people to go to, to show the things i love to. i dont think i will try to maintain any more serious relationships besides hookups outside of these 3 relationships now, at least at this time, because im feeling at capacity. polysaturated lol.

but i am loving every bit of it. im loving the honest conversations with my partner and i, the feeling of telling my partner what i did with another person, the freeness to expiriment. i felt stuck for a while, in a rut in my relationship because i felt as if i wasnt recieving everything i need but im realizing so clearly now that i just cant find everything in my complex web of needs in one person, regardless of who that person was. my partner now is my primary and will continue to be, and the same is true for my partner with me. my partner is even going out with a friend of ours soon to see where things go and i find myself so excited for my partner, wondering what my partner will come to me and tell me about what they did together. i truly love being in a gay friend group where everyone just starts dating eachother 😭 i wouldnt trade this for the world!!

anyways. thats my absurdly long ramble about where im at. if youd like to share anything about your experiences that relate to mine or something else you thought about, id love to hear. thanks for reading!!

My partner and I are primary partners, and we're very sexually active, together and with others. We're both on PrEP, vaccinated for mpox, take Doxy after going to bathhouse/cruising events, and test every three months. Our agreement is that if we hook up with others, we keep each other safe.

In October, N was visiting from out of state and hooked up with my partner, with a condom. Two days later, my partner found HSV-2 lesions at the base of their member where condoms tend to ride up. N revealed they have HSV-2 but didn't see any lesions before having sex. N is a medical doctor and dropped off some antivirals to my partner before flying home. N themself is not on anti-virals.

My partner was devastated. They've had outbreak scares few weeks. It's our new normal, and it's been stressful. Emotionally, I feel like N is always in the room with us, laying between us in bed every time my partner is scared they're having an outbreak, like a malaise we can't air out.

I know antivirals don't reduce transmission risk to 0%, but they help. I'm confused why N wasn't taking them, and why they didn't disclose their status so my partner could've made an informed decision before having sex.

This week, my partner revealed that the vague, unlabeled block on our shared calendar is actually an overnight date with N this Friday, and they'll be taking N to the airport Saturday morning.

I'm conflicted. I want to honor my partner's autonomy and de-stigmatize STIs, but I'm appalled and a weirdly humiliated that the person who changed our reality still gets access. Emotionally, I feel repulsed by N...the thought of them sleeping on my side of the bed, or of touching my partner after their date, makes me recoil. I don't typically get this emotional with my partner's other dates. This just feels weird and different.

Rationally, I know that N likely didn't mean to give my partner HSV-2, but I don't know what to do with these emotions... My partner already knew my feelings before they scheduled the date with N. I'm feeling kinda alone out here and feeling guilty for feeling this way.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you and your partner(s) work past it?

Hi all!

My name is Maria and I am a therapist and PhD student in Marriage and Family Therapy at Kansas State University. I am passionate about expanding what we know about consensual non-monogamy (CNM) to more racially diverse individuals, so that we can provide evidence-based therapy!

My dissertation is titled, Exploring the Experiences of People of Color Engaged in Consensual Non-Monogamy, (IRB-13450) and I am currently recruiting participants. Here is the eligibility criteria:

• Age 21 or older
• Identify as a person of color (e.g., Black, Indigenous, Latinx, Asian, multiracial)
• Participants can either be currently in a CNM (consensual non-monogamous) relationship or have been in one within the past year, even if that relationship has ended. We include those who are no longer partnered because recent CNM experiences are still valuable for the study, and reflecting on relationships older than a year may reduce the accuracy of memory recall.
• Living in the United States or Canada
• Proficient in English

Please do not take the survey if you do not fit the above criteria, as this messes the data. Here is the link: https://kstate.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_ekrL5tja16utRu6

See the flyer below for more information about the study or send me a DM if you have any questions.

I'm Scotty, a trans, pansexual, poly person. I am in an open relationship and dating 3 people :D When did you realize you were poly? I realized when I had many crushes and was okay with dating them all if I could :D

TL;DR: How do you gauge your capacity for new potential relationships? How do you go about communicating that, to make sure you're being kind and honest about what you have to offer?

Hello reddit! I (28 NB/FTM) have been identifying as polyam for about five years now, but still quite new in the practical aspect of it. I've aligned with solo poly for most of that time, but largely just had one long-distance connection that's since deescalated back to a friendship.

I have one local partner of one year now (26 F). She is married, but began the separation process some months ago, and is still going through a lot with that change. I've moved from a more secondary status to now her primary emotional anchor, which I am happy with. We both have some anxieties about the future, as she wants a more traditional life with children... I -thought- I didn't, but now being with her am feeling less sure, and more open to the possibilities of the different ways my future could look (and have communicated this). I know she wants this future with me, but I have a hard time predicting how I will feel and what I will want in a few years time, and would prefer to wait and see how we both grow and evolve, and how things might fit together. She craves stability, and I am that, emotionally, but I cannot commit to any specific type of life right now when I have a lot of changes to undergo still in terms of career etc. I know this has a chance of shifting our level of enmeshment in the future, if she does decide having children is a more urgent priority, and may look to construct that kind of life with someone who wants it with more certainty. Which is somewhat of a sad thought for us both! But I remain very optimistic and content about the future of our relationship, however it may go.

ANYWAYS! I have not really dated anybody else this past year, just a couple of first dates. With the second person, my partner and I had our first 'big' conflict where she blew up at me a bit for communicating interest in someone else, reacting with anger and sadness when I truly feel I went about everything very respectfully and with as much consideration as possible. [[We're still working to establish a flow of intentional monthly relationship check-in conversations. She wants to be as parallel as possible-- while that's not my preference, I'm happy to respect her needs and I have other close people I can go to to share more with. I'm struggling to figure out when and how is the best time to share the important barebones information, but give us both grace as it's a new dynamic to navigate.]]

That nearly put me off reaching out to this person, but I did, and we had a lovely first date. Unsure if I felt "sparks," but also I'm autistic and can take a bit to warm up to people, and had barely spoken to this person before our date. So I am unsure about the strength of my feelings, but feel there's very much a possibility of more developing! And it was really exciting to date a queer masc person since starting my transition a year+ ago. :) Also refreshing to have a fun, casual date when my past experiences have mostly been starting committed relationships quickly (which felt right with my current partner), or terribly limerant crushes on people I hardly knew and did nothing about!

Date went well, we both expressed an interest in doing it again, but they were out of town for a month. And then it was December, so quite hectic with holiday plans and family and such. There's been no communication since the date (though we both said we weren't big texters-- I'm not interested in getting to know someone through text).

I'd like to reach out again, but feeling some hesitation. I struggle with excessive ruminating, and have gone back and forth about if I want to continuing pursuing this person and getting to know them. I don't believe they're practiced in polyamory, but said they'd be open to it depending on the partner. I'm not certain about what my capacity for another partner would look like, as my schedule will be shifting in the near future. I'm open to something deep and loving if it develops naturally into that, but not sure I will have a ton to offer in terms of time commitments, and might be more able to support a "lover" more than another full Partner (though I know labels mean different things for everyone).

It is a hurdle for me, to initiate and pursue! I think about all the "what ifs" and worry about hurting other people, but that's probably a self preservation thing too.? I don't know! I want to leave my self doubt behind in 2025, maybe that's mostly the heart of this.

If you read ALL THAT, thank you!! I'd love any thoughts/advice/reflections/questions anybody would like to offer :) I already asked my tarot cards and think I should just do it already 😆 But figured seeking a bit more advice wouldn't hurt

I live in a pretty trans and queer-friendly area and with decent enough IRL polyam community and kink scene. I have friends. And I’m pretty active in local events. But I feel disconnected, unfulfilled, like an imposter and honestly pretty terrible about myself because I’m literally the only person I know who is single and abstinent NOT by choice.

I’m in my 30s and I’ve only had one intimate relationship with someone who ended up making me feel worse about myself. This person didn’t make me feel sexually desired at all, was emotionally unavailable, hid our relationship and cheated on me. I only stayed as long as I did because I didn’t think anyone else would want me. And it’s hard to convince myself that isn’t true when so far it has been.

I’ve tried apps. I’ve tried IRL dating events. At this point I’ve finally given up and accepted I’m not what most people, even most queer people, are looking for and will likely remain unpartnered and celibate for the foreseeable future. Yes I’m in therapy. And yes I know I need to “learn to love myself before others can love me” and how important it is to “be happy with myself by myself”. I’m not looking for advice on how to meet partners.

I’m just really struggling to feel confident and happy with myself when I feel so unattractive and undesirable. I grew up in such a sex-negative and body-negative environment I wish I could reclaim my sexuality and actually enjoy and share my body with others. But I can’t.

I tried going to queer and trans-centered sex and kink parties. I had some good experiences. But I stopped because I found myself feeling pressured just agree to whatever opportunity presented itself and whoever propositioned me without giving it much thought because I knew it would be only chance to do anything until my next party. I was spending too much money. The emotional whiplash / drop from alternating between long dry spells to such intensely sexual environments was affecting my mental health. And I felt sad watching everyone leave with their partners, polycules, etc. while I went home alone.

At this point I’m convinced that it’s my gender identity / presentation that’s the issue which makes it all feel so much worse. I’m very genderqueer (not transmasc or transfem) and medically transitioned. Even other trans folks misclock me and project gendered expectations on me based on my appearance which ofc I can’t fulfill. I feel like I chose between liking myself vs having intimate connections. While living in a place where people literally move to *escape* feeling that way.

I just hate how much this impacts my overall mental health and my self-esteem. It’s hard to feel present even amount community when there’s this elephant in the room / this thing separating me from others. I feel dumb for being so bothered by this. I feel like something’s wrong with me for caring so much. I wish I could just stop feeling bad about it.

Hey fellow small town queers! Would love to hear your thoughts on etiquette around new connections, that you then realize are connected within friend groups/former partners. I live in a small town, where there's truly about 30 queer/trans folks with the same interests and similar politics, so we're bound to get into funny and awkward situations from time to time. Would love to hear if y'all have personal guidelines or etiquette that you like to follow to make these moments more comfy. How much do you share with your partner(s)? Are there any hard lines you wouldn't cross around mutual connections/partners? Any other wisdom you'd be up for sharing? Thanks! :)

Hey everyone — posting this study with mod approval 🙏

I am part of a team of NYU researchers (led by Dr. Zhana Vrangalova) that is running an IRB-approved, confidential online survey exploring people’s sexual and romantic needs and how they shape thriving across different relational lifestyles.

Specifically, we're developing new valid, comprehensive measures of these needs. To map out their full spectrum, we need a large and diverse group of participants from a wide range of sexual and relational experiences to contribute their perspective. If you're human and can thoughtfully reflect and report on your sexual and romantic needs, we want your voice in there.

Eligibility:

• 18 or older
• Currently residing in the US
• Fluent in English

Depending on the number of sections you choose to complete, the survey takes between 40-60 minutes on average (~400-700 mostly multiple-choice questions about how you think and feel when it comes to sex and romance).

There is no direct compensation for participating, but many report benefits from the reflections it offers.

If you’d like, you can also enter a raffle for one of 150 × $20 Amazon gift cards (awarded after the survey closes).

👉 TAKE THE SURVEY HERE 

(Can be completed in multiple sessions.)

Deadline to complete: December 31, 2025.

Know others who might be interested in helping with this research project? Please share the survey info and link with them!

Any questions or feedback, comment here or email Dr. Zhana directly at zhana.v@nyu.edu.

Thank you for helping advance relationship science ❤️

hi, i’ve struggled with who to reflect these feelings with since it’s such a specific experience that i haven’t yet found a person who truly understands what it’s about. so if there’s any trans guys here who relate, please share your thoughts i’d love to get to the bottom of this.

so i’m a gay trans man and in a polyamorous relationship with a cis bisexual man and i’ve been realising that his relationship with women cause bigger jealous activations in me than other genders. tbh, i’m really chill when i hear about his nonbinary partner and the men he’s connected with, but hearing about his girlfriend gets me anxious every time. we’ve talked about it, and he’s lovely and super there for me navigating this, but i still haven’t found the thing that eases it. i’ve realised it’s part dysphoria, even if i don’t experience much dysphoria anymore, there’s a lil insecure part of me still fearing his attraction to women would make him see me as one or somehow comparing us. but i think the bigger issue is the trauma i’ve endured in girl groups and poly settings with women involved. i’m well aware how problematic generalising my experiences are, and i’m actively working on my trauma to not get so activated by both girl groups and women metas. but you know trauma works as it does and currently it is extremely hard for me to trust women who are entering my orbit.

the context is, if you need it, that i used to have a friend group of mostly girls who abandoned me when i started transition. i heard later on that they had started to turn against me and make up some sort of narrative about my hostility behind my back without telling me any of it, and one day i just realised i wasn’t a part of that group anymore. at the same time i was in a poly situation with two women (before i realised i was gay) which was extremely messy and often manipulative. later on my ex from that time who remained as a friend started to date a friend from that previous friend group which turned against me, and the gaslighting, making it sound like i was just being “jealous” and i need to “work through my issues” when i tried to protest that situation even the slightest, continued. when i think about this whole mess and how it went and look back at all my previous friend groups and relationships with women, similar things have been repeating my whole life. and you know there’s the whole thing about being a guy forced to be a girl and act like a girl and always failing at it which has led to a lot of bullying.

i’m working through all that to my best efforts and rationally i do know very well i can’t blame a whole gender for my trauma. but the rational brain isn’t helping much when the trauma gets activated through hearing about my boyfriend’s girlfriend. so far we’ve agreed to keep the information sharing to a minimum until i’ve found more solid ground around these traumas, but i’m feeling shitty about it. i wish he could share about his love life and i wish i knew how to feel happy for him.