Husband seeing previous toxic meta

[u/Sea_Point_2019]

My husband (40s) is seeing an old flame again after a long time being broken up. She is highly manipulative and toxic and collects partners like baseball cards. She’s always in our personal matters and I wish he’d date someone who’s great like some others in the past. I don’t understand the need to continue such a history. They were not even together long. Last time she was writing letters to him within weeks to a month in that they were meant for each other. She’d live bomb him. Give him gifts he wasn’t allowed to show anyone and then would control him into making him tell me how to live my own poly life and fit her in. He recently was seen around town w her and it’s disturbing because people think he’s cheating on me and I don’t say anything because he wouldn’t care anyway. We have a great relationship otherwise. I am
Lost. I have no idea what he sees in her because she isn’t nearly as nice as others. She’s very unattractive but I know it’s more about the person. I can see it all happening again: the manipulation, the narcissistic way she deals with him and the way she hurts his self esteem. Any suggestions?

[u/Bustysaintclair_13]

Parallel. Make your husband hinge so well none of her toxicity has any impact on your life.

Sit him down and say "I am deeply concerned abut you dating her again. I will not tell you not to date her but I will also not tolerate this woman sticking her nose into our relationship or the way I live my life. I don't want to hear anything about her or your relationship and if dating her again has a negative impact on me or our relationship I will be setting XYZ boundaries (up to and including breaking up with you)."

[u/Sea_Point_2019 → u/Bustysaintclair_13]

I like this. We are parallel which is why it makes me angrier that she sticks her nose in stuff.

[u/_ghostpiss → u/Sea_Point_2019]

Your husband is allowing it to happen. Be angry at him.

[u/Bustysaintclair_13 → u/Sea_Point_2019]

Then he’s not doing a good job hinging. If you were truly parallel and he was a good hinge you would have no idea when she sticks her nose into your business.

Tell your husband to brush up on hinging in a parallel dynamic. 

[u/The_walking_man_ → u/Sea_Point_2019]

That’s 100% on your husband for not setting boundaries and allowing her to behave like that.

[u/karmicreditplan → u/Sea_Point_2019]

If you were really parallel you’d have no idea that she was doing that. Make your husband hinge properly.

[u/TrashPandaHobbit → u/Sea_Point_2019]

She can only stick her nose in if your husband lets her.