r/polyamorous • u/brilliantbeauty81 • 7d ago
Question and would like some input please
I am happily married and bisexual - have been with my husband for 29 years and we just celebrated 23 years of marriage. But something is missing. He is the only person I have been with and our sex life is amazing. I can't get enough of him. He makes me feel absolutely amazing. Now here's the crazy question - is it weird on my part to want to watch him play with another woman?
Actually what I want to do is becomes friends with another bisexual woman and then if things are going well, her and I play. Then when the opportunity happens, I want them to play. It would be like all three of us are friends with benefits.
Am I crazy that I am allowing my husband to have a lover and a wife? Am I crazy that it turns me on to know he will make her feel amazing and all 3 of us can play together? Is he crazy that it turns him on as well to sit back and watch her and I play until one of us tells him to join?
Advice please as well as help to find said woman!!! Where should I look to find her?
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u/theFCCgavemeHPV 6d ago
Not crazy at all! I absolutely love seeing my husband in bed with another woman. What you’re looking for is more along the lines of swinging. There are clubs and groups you can join for this sort of thing. Good luck!
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 6d ago edited 6d ago
This is just a threesome. Its a common fantasy. There are more couples seeking women than women seeking couples. You'll have better luck meeting other couples with a bisexual woman and having group sex and partner swaps. But try some ENM or swinger apps. Read r/swingers too. They have more threesome experience over there than most poly people.
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u/Tule_Lodge 6d ago
My wife had a similar fantasy… and I wanted to see her with another man, too. We’ve been together for 19 years and had limited sexual experience beforehand, too, so we decided to explore a bit. My wife is not bisexual, but we did experiment with a threesome, then eventually had an open marriage, which has suited both her and I better. This is all very normal for couple that have been exclusive for so long, and being open about it is a huge relief.
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u/brilliantbeauty81 5d ago
He won't share me with another man - weird that I am ok with him being with another woman though?? It has taken long conversations and discussions to get where we are and his reasoning to this is I lost my virginity to him so he sees me as pure to him. He has been the only dick inside me. And I think it's purely all mental and he knows that if he sees another man enjoying me or vice versa, he will not be able to unsee it. So he just won't go there.
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u/Tule_Lodge 5d ago
Sure it’s a little weird, but maybe there is nothing wrong with weird? If he’s willing to sleep with someone else, then I find his opinions to be a little hypocritical, but it sounds like you’re mostly just interested in having another woman join you, so I think you can work it out. If it’s just sex, then it’s non-monogamous, not polyamory, unless your third joins you more romantically, which can happen… personally speaking, my wife loved watching me with another woman, as long as I didn’t finish inside her (she reserved that for herself) She also loved being watched…
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u/brilliantbeauty81 5d ago
This whole wanting to explore has been my idea from the very beginning - I think that's one reason I am a bit sceptical to bring it up, over and over, because I don't want temporary fun to ruin a 30 year relationship. Am I over thinking this (I am notorious for being an overthinker)? Thoughts?
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u/Tule_Lodge 5d ago
Yeah I kind of gathered this was mostly your idea, and while I get your thought process on this, it’s kind of putting him on the spot. So even if I disagree with what he thinks, I get where he’s coming from. Either way, I also totally get the not wanting to ruin a super long relationship over temporary urges. I had the same exact thought process when I brought up the idea of being open with my wife. But I also had someone in mind that I wanted to hook up with, and was aware that she was interested. Have you explored meeting anyone? I know it’s hard… I like to meet people organically, but it’s just so hard these days, especially given our situations.
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u/brilliantbeauty81 5d ago
What do you mean meeting anyone? I think I know - I have never cheated and he has said if I wanted to go look elsewhere, that was fine, but he would not be there on that journey with me. So I had to choose. Can we talk outside of this post on here?
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u/UnderwhelmedOpossum 5d ago
Not really. It's not poly, more like a voyeur fetish. Nothing wrong with that, just different than poly.
I live this kind of lifestyle daily. I'm bi too.. but like... physically Bi. I can pass either direction. So I get pulled in as a third. You have to have strong communication, boundaries, and mutual respect. And be comfortable saying no. Jealousy is always a thing too.
In my experience, people wreck their first couple relationships with this stuff trying to figure it out.
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u/Aggravating-Dust7583 7d ago
I don't think that's crazy at all. You know how amazing he is, and you want to see someone else get to experience that. You have your curiosities too. I'd be thrilled to hear this as a husband.
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7d ago
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 6d ago edited 6d ago
Most women who join couples for threesomes are very sexually free and have many lovers and are pretty fulfilled. They probably have a few couples and even maybe one or more romantic partners. Bisexual women who like group sex aren't sitting at home feeling ignored and lonely. They are highly sought after. Approaching this as offering charity to the needy won't get you far. You need to stand out and be impressive to a woman who has many options for fulfillment.
You will also find most bisexual women will be pretty hesitant to engage with someone who considers themself "bi-curious". Nothing wrong with that (no judgment) but there are a 100 other couples vying for her attention with a firmly confidently bisexual woman who is positive she is bisexual. Just food for thought.
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u/brilliantbeauty81 6d ago
Ok then, you seem like you are pretty knowledgeable on this. I know I want this. I know I want another woman to enjoy. That makes me excited just thinking about it and rephrasing the words
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 6d ago
Sounds like you are simply bisexual. Any reason you feel uncomfortable with that? It can be a big step to identify this way and bring up unexpected feelings of shame for some people. It may take time to get comfortable with.
But yes, I enjoy joining couples for threesomes. I also enjoy having threesomes with women and my primary partner (a man) and also inviting women to join me and my girlfriend for threesomes.
I also swing. I know quite a few women who also join couples for threesomes. Many have partners and several FWBs (couples and singles).
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u/brilliantbeauty81 6d ago
No, not uncomfortable at all - actually a big turn on
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 6d ago
Perhaps you might consider calling yourself bisexual as that will make it much more clear that you 100% know you are attracted to women. Just a suggestion.
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u/Polyamorouspotato 7d ago
It’s not crazy but it’s not polyamory. This is simply having threesomes.