r/polyamorous • u/xRedgrimx18 • 9d ago
question Being poly and getting married
Hiii everyone! First time poster here, so i do apologize in advance. I guess I'm seeking some advice on a new situation as someone practicing poly/enm for about i guess nine years now at this point. Five of them being with my current nesting partner/fiancee. I honestly have not been the happiest in any poly relationship as much as I have with my fiancee. Even when they get more dates and other relationship more, I never really feel jealous or anything, especially since they always continue to shower me with love and affection when its just us.
Now the issue comes our up coming wedding. Currently my fiancee has a boyfriend that has been pretty stable and consistent, and I could not be any happier for them. My fiancee wants their boyfriend to be their best man for our wedding, again great thats fine. My fiancee wants to come out to their family about our relationship style, and introduce their boyfriend to everyone.
My family knows about how I live my life, mothers more understanding, father is against is especially now getting married. I feel a bit uncomfortable the idea, as I really don't want my fiancee to get the negative backlash, especially when my last major relationship mirror more polygamy.
I do feel some resentment, as I do have a long distance boyfriend, and in the beginning I wanted to invite him. My fiancee though it might not be right since hes a bit older than me, and didn't want things to be weird. But after my fiancee wanted to announce to both our family about their boyfriend.
I have a lot of complicated feelings about everything, but all I want to do is be supportive to my fiancee. From day one I have always supported them about being their true self, and will continue to do that. I just don't know how to go about this part.
Any suggestions would be great, I'm really bad at voicing my thoughts and feelings clearly. My nerves just make me ramble. Thank you again and appreciate your time.
2
u/Crafty-Ad-9439 8d ago
Do you want your own boyfriend to be present at your wedding? Because it feels like the only reason you didn't invite him is because your fiancee refused.
And I feel that's a unbalance between you both. Not incompatible, but your boyfriend is as legitimate as their boyfriend to attend your wedding.
Are you sur this imbalance doesn't morphe into a game of power. I understand you want to be supportive but your partner has to be supportive of you (and your relationships) too.
1
u/xRedgrimx18 8d ago
I do want him there, but I honestly don't want things to be tense. The whole thing is going to have maybe 15-20 people. Maybe its not just my fiancee that feels that way. I really just want this day to be about us, and just be calm. I've got a lot of mix feelings that are confusing and conflicting, though that could just be me with my own issues. I do know I just want peace on a day I've honestly been dreaming about since I was small, as dumb as that is.
1
u/Sdavistvs 5d ago
Why are you choosing to marry? marriage inherently changes the roles of the other partners.
1
2
u/taucher_ 8d ago
what would be weird about your boyfriend attending? him not attending would be weird - he's an important person in your life so presumably you will want him there on an important day. and especially with their boyfriend being invited it seems like such a double standard?
as for the coming out, do that before the wedding. have all of those conversations beforehand and tell people to be respectful on the big day to earn the right to attend. it sounds a bit like y'all were gonna announce it at the wedding speech, so i'm just making sure.