r/polyadvice • u/Large-Lettuce-4801 • 13d ago
Need perspective
My life-in partner and I have been together for 6 years now. When we met, I had been poly for about 5 years and she was pretty new to polyamory. As the years have gone on she’s become less and less okay with polyamory. She stopped looking for other partners, then asked me to not date anyone new while she figured things out. Recently she told me she can’t live a poly lifestyle or be in a relationship with a poly person.
I love her and the life we’ve built together but don’t know what to do. I’ve offered to close our relationship, but a week in its spiritually rough. I worked hard to accept myself, my feelings, and figure myself out as a polyamorous person. I’m not sure I *can* change, and I’m not sure I want to.
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u/saladada 13d ago
There's no magic solution you're not seeing.
You two are not compatible if you feel you must have polyamory and she doesn't want it. That's the end of the story there. There's no middle ground to be found here.
Love will not overcome this incompatibility. Sometimes we have to make the choice that we don't like but that is the best for us in the long-run.
No, neither of you will "want" to break up. But there's no solution other than breaking up here. Because the only alternative involves either you or her in a relationship dynamic that you or her fundamentally do not want or enjoy.