r/monodatingpoly • u/SnowDance2309 • 8d ago

Spiraling

I am so emotionally and mentally exhausted.
Does it happen often that one moment y’all feel okay with the fact that your partner is poly and theres an instant switch where you arent able to handle it at all? Why cant the first feeling stay, so tired of not being understanding. It has started reflecting in my relationship with them, I have become so sad in life, that I keep upsetting them for no reason, I am always irritated, and I am not this person at all. The only time we get together, we spend that in crying.
I tell myself all the time to be happy with the fact that they love me so much, my focus should be on that but something or the other would trigger me and I fall back into a spiral.

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u/KOTCouine 7d ago

If you can’t take it I suggest you split. Obviously you probably won’t listen to me though but I mean if you do at least feel happy when you’re together I’d try to just focus on that like you’ll probably never be happy about them being with someone else honestly if you’re not poly that’s just not really how it works. But if you are getting what you need at least then focus on that. And if you aren’t or you feel you aren’t even if for instance they say they spend plenty of time with you but you don’t think so yourself you gotta just split because at the end of the day if neither of you are willing to budge on that it won’t work. If you guys can’t come to an agreement on how involved you are it’s just not gonna work no matter who’s “correct”. But I mean if you’re both trying and both actually want to be together it could get better with time

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u/KOTCouine 7d ago

If that makes any sense I guess. But realistically as the mono you’ll always likely want more and usually be the one hurting because well you want just them but they want other people it’s just a conflict of interest and that usually means you’d have to suck it up effectively when they’re gone also if you’re not the primary it’s probably not gonna work as a mono tbh or at least getting the same amount of time as their other partner. If that’s not something you can handle save yourself the trouble and time and leave but if you think that it’s maybe feasible stay if you both want each other man