r/monodatingpoly • u/fool3d • May 02 '26

Success stories?

Hello, I am constantly seeing people talk about how this dynamic doesn’t work but I have seen a view people share how it’s been successful for them. Can you share how you and your partner have been successful and for how long?

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u/Akatsuki2001 May 02 '26 edited May 02 '26

This is just my take, but I feel it’s almost a disservice to clump all the success stories together. Most of these dynamics will fail. Most should not be attempted. Making it seem like it works for even a semi comparable amount of those it won’t work for will be misleading to people looking for guidance.
There are success stories. But it wouldn’t surprise me if they are truly the 1 percent of people attempting this dynamic, if not less than that.

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u/on-a-pedestal May 02 '26

This.

Most Dating doesn't turn into Relationships
Most relationships don't turn into Marriages
More than Half of all Marriages end in Divorce

And that's without added complications.

More ENM Dynamics fail because they are USUALLY more volatile (quantity of ppl increases individual issues, and then specific ENM issues).

This is one of the more Unstable Dynamics in ENM. And most doing MonoPoly are doing it because only 1 person wants multiple partners and the other would prefer Monogamy. That doesn't work at all, the Mono person has to Actively Want their partner to have other relationships, and enjoy the space that creates, or it ends up just being a sacrifice.

It's the whole 1% of 1% of 1% thing.

To me it Only probably works if a formerly 2 way ENM dynamic has 1 go down to single partner and decide that's all they want going forward (ambianorous,) but they are truly ENM and enjoy their partner having other partners, or in a BDSM environment where the cuckolding/cuckqueening are apart of the relationship.

Almost everyone posting "I'm new here" is coming in because their partner isn't doing any of the work and basically wants a Harem and those are doomed.

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u/Akatsuki2001 May 02 '26

Well said, most ENM relationships are already highly difficult to work out, and that’s when both partners want ENM. In a mono poly arrangement the relationship is still ENM as a whole. So the mono partner doesn’t really fit in that.

I agree entirely with the instances of it working out you provided. The only other one I would add in is I have seen it kinda work for a mono partner who is asexual or has zero interest in sex, allowing their partner to get it from another partner or partners under the condition it’s only about sex or something like it. And to be clear when I say zero interest in sex I’m talking literally zero, not “oh I want sex twice a week but my partner wants it 4 times a week” stuff lol.

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u/on-a-pedestal May 02 '26

I forgot my asexual friends, and yes. For someone who truly only wants one partner, but has limited interest in physical intimacy and/or too much "on top of each other" energy, they may be able to work as the mono with a poly partner that sfforda them the amount of intimacy and quality time that they specifically want, if they also are the "non-jealous" type, AND both partners are enthusiastically consenting to the plan, and both are doing the normal ENM work (reading, counseling, etc).