My 6-year-old called me an “aunty” and I can’t shake how it made me feel

[u/Short-Charge-321]

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling a bit silly even writing this, but I’m actually pretty hurt and could use some perspective.

My 6-year-old recently started calling me an “aunty” and saying I look like an aunty. At first, I brushed it off because… she’s 6. But when I gently asked her what she meant, she didn’t really have a clear answer.

What got to me more was when I asked her about other people—like my younger sister (who is 5 years younger than me) or my sister-in-law who’s older than me—and she said they’re not aunties. So somehow, I’m the only one in that category.

She kept repeating it’s because I’m “old.” I’m actually 8 months pregnant, so I know I’m not as physically active or playful with her right now, but it still stung more than I expected.

I think part of why this is hitting me so hard is because of my own childhood. My mom used to make comments about my appearance like “you don’t look rich,” “you look lower middle class,” or even “you look like an aunty,” and it really affected my confidence growing up. It took me years (and moving out at 21, meeting friends, and learning how to dress and carry myself) to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Now hearing something similar from my own child feels… triggering, honestly.

I did tell her calmly that I don’t like being called an aunty, and she said she didn’t know—but then followed it up with “but you do look like one.”

I know she’s just a child and doesn’t fully understand what she’s saying, but I’m struggling with how to handle this without projecting my own insecurities onto her.

How would you approach this? How do I explain this in an age-appropriate way without making it a bigger issue than it is?

Thanks for reading 🤍

[u/Infinite_Menu_9056]

Hi, I’m just misunderstanding I think what you think or “hear” when someone calls someone aunty? To me I just think someone’s aunt? But I truly am missing the insult here. Maybe an example of that would help others (or maybe just me idk) understand a bit better what the problem is?

[u/MrsPuff8675309 → u/Infinite_Menu_9056]

To me it sounds like OP ties aunty with an older female figure image, noting that her younger sister and SIL aren't aunties, according to her 6 year old, because they look/act younger (also considering OP is hella preggo). So it sounds like her daughter is saying she's an aunty because she looks older/acts older currently? 

[u/the-mortyest-morty → u/MrsPuff8675309]

The kid LITERALLY SAID it's because she looks old. Idk how y'all are all ignoring that.

[u/Infinite_Menu_9056 → u/the-mortyest-morty]

Not ignoring just don’t see how that would not make the older SIL an aunty as well. Maybe they put in more effort getting dressed a higher percent of the time? The kid also doesn’t live with these women and I’m sure they probably dress down and become an aunty rq

[u/Infinite_Menu_9056 → u/MrsPuff8675309]

Got it! But I do still struggle like she said her mom said it to her when she was younger? Is her mom maybe who told her 6yo that she looks like an aunty? Maybe I’m just not picturing my aunts “haggish” enough?

[u/MrsPuff8675309 → u/Infinite_Menu_9056]

Maybe mom hates her sisters/sister in laws or has really ugly ones?