I wanted to know if anyone's abuser has ever done that, and how did you react or respond to it?

And did they call you out publicly or privately?

I know that spanking is a common thing in a lot of strict households and i always perceived it as normal growing up no matter how much i hated it.

But something that is really bothering me is that, while both of my parents whipped me with the belt (i think starting age 5?) my dad specifically made me pull down my pants and bent me over the bed and made me look forward and count out the lashes out loud.

Whenever i looked back to brace myself for the lash, he would add on more. He would also add on more if i cried.

I remember the sound of the belt going through the pants loops as he was taking it off, and the sound of the whip and crack and the feeling of the sting and how sore i felt after. I think the most i got was 30, and i remember feeling so humiliated each time. I also cant remember any of the reasons i was being punished, which makes it worse because, maybe if it was warranted it would hurt less.

I think this bothers me so much because my dad was addicted to porn and would get caught watching it all the time on the family computer, and i was afraid he was equating me with what he watched. I was also the first daughter. I remember my dad making me very uncomfortable when i hit puberty, and feared him a lot because he viewed me sexually, and often told my sister that i dressed like a slut.

My mom says she never made me pull my pants down and was horrified when i told her how he spanked me. But i am still angry with her for hitting me with the belt as well.

Im really struggling coming to terms with hard truths and would appreciate some support or advice to process this, i find myself obsessing over it and not being able to tell if im overreacting or not?

i already posted this in another subreddit so here it is copied over

whenever im happy my mum either complains about me being loud and says that if i dont stop shell trigger my misophonia and most sensitive sensory issues on purpose so i ‘understand how she feels’ basically overstimulating me as a punishment for being loud like today admittedly i was loud but i was just having fun fake arguing with my dad because he cut me off to say something else and she got mad at me and said she will chew loudly around me which is one of my biggest triggers or another thing she does is if i seem too happy to her and she wants me to shut up she will just bring up something that stresses me intensely or makes me sad or feel like im a failure just so i shut up

i genuinely dont know if it counts as abuse or anything my friends tho whenever i mention it to them talk about how this is really fucked up of her and today one of my friend said that it seems psychotic to them so i wanted to see if someone could help me figure out if this is not well necessarily normal but maybe if it is actually serious enough to call abuse

I’ve been reflecting on my own healing journey recently and wondered whether there is a gap in support that I’m simply not aware of.

For many years I carried what happened to me completely alone. Since disclosing, I’ve received support through counselling, mental health services, trusted friends and my partner, and I honestly don’t know where I’d be without that support. ❤️

It has made me think about how isolating trauma can be, especially when you’re living in survival mode, struggling with anxiety, PTSD, shame, fear, self-doubt, or simply trying to get through each day.

My question is:

💭 Do you feel there is a need for more survivor-led content, podcasts, YouTube channels, communities or conversations focused on healing and recovery?

Not focused on graphic details or reliving trauma, but on topics such as:

🌿 Life after disclosure
🌿 Healing and recovery
🌿 PTSD and hypervigilance
🌿 Nervous system regulation
🌿 Counselling and therapy experiences
🌿 Relationships and trust
🌿 Identity and rebuilding your life
🌿 Finding peace beyond survival mode

Or do you feel these resources already exist and I’m simply not aware of them?

I’m genuinely curious and would love to hear people’s thoughts and experiences.

Please only share what feels safe for you. 🤍

Thank you 🙏🏻

We’ve all read and written plenty of posts about abuse that carry a lot of pain, anger, and heaviness — and for very obvious reasons. That stuff deserves space. But I’m curious about something a little different today…..

Has anything unexpectedly funny ever come out of what you went through?

A totally unhinged comment from a Doctor

A best friend saying something so wrong it was accidentally hilarious.

Running into your therapist absolutely smashed in a nightclub.

A moment where u laughed and immediately thought, “Wow… that’s dark.”

Not talking about minimising trauma or making light of it. Just acknowledging that sometimes, even in the middle of absolute shit, life throws in moments of absurdity that make you laugh — maybe years later, maybe straight away…cos adversity doesn’t cancel humour. Sometimes humour is how we survive

Nothing that’s going to cause offence to others please. 🙏

Victim of pedophilia wanting to go back

I(f18) was in a relationship with a pedophile age 14 to 16 (grooming that became abuse) and i miss him. but not just miss, like I physically ache wanting to go back. I just want him. I miss him. I need him. I have no way of contacting him again and right now all I wanna do is run away and go to his state over 3000km away just to get him back. I've literally reported him and I hate bim because of what he did and yet the thought of him with someone else makes me sick and I just want him to the point id basically be ready to call it NEED.

please help me stop it. please. because I genuinely will do it if given the chance and its BAD cuz I cant seem to stop it. i need help. im begging.

Having been in past abusive relationships, I'm seeing some major warning signs with this man I just met.

We met a few days ago. We have only hung out once, but he ended up coercing me into more physically than I was willing to do at the time. My reaction was to freeze and somewhat fawn.

It's not even been a week since we've known each other. He is love-bombing me by telling me that we are meant to be together, that he wants to marry me, and that he immediately wants me to move in with him.

Luckily, he doesn't know where I live, but he is stalking my socials.

What is the best course of action to get him to leave me alone? I am genuinely afraid of him so being direct does not feel like an option. Especially since he is willing to manipulate me from day one.

So I know I was physically abused by my mother. Who is a pill addict and alcoholic.
But this one instance I’m not sure if it was or just “parenting”

I was around 7-8 maybe younger. I was eating fruity pebbles cereal in my room. I dropped the cereal box on the ground spilling most if not all of the cereal.
She made me scoop up all the cereal off the semi dirty carpet back into the box. And made me eat it until it was finished throughout the weeks / months it took me to finish it. With hair, dust, crumbs in it.

hi, if you've seen my other posts, yk what happened. im starting to think that maybe i'm the cause of it. i mean, my mom does tell me that she wants to khs because of me and that i make her life miserable. maybe i did do something to her and am just blatant to my actions. she always tells me how without me in her life, it would be so much better. maybe i should? at least it would make my mom happy

People who has been through abusive relationship or sexual assault how has it affected you and your life after?

I want ro know what lasting effects youve noticed it has had on you. If you experience any patterns in new relationships or any internal struggles?

For other reasons that don’t have to do with abuse (I believe), I don’t speak to my dad anymore, it’s been 3 months since I’ve cut him off and I feel good. Basically I got tired of his wife being aggressive to me as if I have ever been a “threat”.
The other day I had a dream in which my mom tells me my dad abused me as a child, it was all so real that I woke up feeling uncertain, because 1) last year my cousin opened up to me about having abused me when I was 7 and he was 14 and apologized, but I could never remember that episode, which freaked me out more than the episode itself (made me think what else am I missing from my childhood?) 2) my dad has always been very open with me about his “fetishes” with feet or how/what he likes about women, but at the same time felt very embarrassed on other occasions when sex comes up in conversations. 3) I’ve always felt extremely uncomfortable showing skin in front of him, I don’t want him to sexualize me, is that normal in a father and daughter dynamics? 4) I don’t have a lot of memories from my childhood, I only remember that at 6/7 years old I bathed him and remember seeing him naked but nothing else.
Is there a way to unlock some more memories? Is there a chance he actually did something to me or maybe I’m just being paranoid? Thanks

long story short, ive been living in an insanely abusive household for nearly 15 years at this point. and right now i just had a huge argument with my mom. my emotions got the best of me and i yelled at her and told her i dont wanna see her right now. that was the first time i ever lashed out and told her something liike this and i feel absolutely horrible about it. i didn't lay any hands on her, i just raised my voice and told her to get out. she looked shocked and just left my room. knowing her, i don't know what's going to happen next. this is the moment i REALLY need to gtfo or things might get really ugly. (like, i might either be in jail or dead) and i know what i did was really wrong and i love my mom and i can't do things like this to her but right now im not safe. i need to get out. please please please help. i have no money because of her and i genuinely need to leave. i have no specific place where i can go all i know is that i need to leave. PLEASE help

It's in the title, is it normal to feel this crushing intensity deep in your chest, when you got out and are free, or will I never be free?

the abuse i endured as a child formed my personality. and i feel like that sets me apart from my peers. a lot of the friends i have had struggled with their mental health and we connected over that. but in the end they manipulated me and hurt me so bad. i feel like ive been promised by so many friends that our friendship would last forever. it never does. i shut down and let them walk all over me because i don’t wanna be alone. (i got bullied in high school) and i thought college would be for me. but so far ive been screwed over by so many friends. i’ve met compulsive liars, gaslighters, and overall manipulative people. i’m very naive and i don’t know how to find good friends. most of my life i haven’t had friends i moved around a lot as a kid. but i was wondering if any of yall had that problem too? i attract the worst people and i don’t even know it.

I have many doubts about how normal what I experienced with my father could be.

When I was 10 years old, he liked to play wrestling with me. I never liked it because he would do things that are exactly the ones I now question. When we played, he would bite my nipples or lick my face. Sometimes, he hurt my nipples so badly that they would bleed(though it only happened on a few occasions) but he always bit them, even if I cried from the pain, and wouldn’t let go until he saw that I no longer resisted. Another thing is that sometimes, when we slept together, he would hug me very tightly beside him. If I tried to pull away, he would hug me even tighter and scold me to make me stop. I would just stay still and try to fall asleep as quickly as possible.

All of this happened from when I was 10 until I was 15.

By the way, I’m from Mexico, so please excuse the bad English.

i was sitting down from cleaning my room when my mom ( who was in a bad mood because she got woken up from a nap ) stormed in and started to touch shit in my room and yell at me and knocked down something and when i told her to pick it up she said no and she. Mind you i was not giving her attitude or nothing. For some details in not being abused at home but my mom lashes out and pulls my hair, slaps me when she gets angry even if its not common i still flinch whenever she gets too close to me. Anyway, she gets mad and pulls hair so almost automatically i grab hers back. I never do that just this time for some reason. For context shes standing in front of me. She started to pull my head down so i was bending over backwards and all i hear is my back just cracking. Then i get back up and she pushes me off and i tell her “Mom its really hurts” whilst im obviously crying. She leaves and now im laying on my back because i cant do anything else. My sister came in and was basically mocking me for the whole situation.

What do i do now? All i can do is lay on my back.

Trigger Warner rape and CSA NSFW

So I was raped about 3 weeks ago and since then I have had these very strong somatic flashbacks to being raped when I was a child, which was something I had dissociated from so completely that I didn't remember it. I have not other flashbacks to other events of abuse but not to this. I am going to get detailed so very much trigger warning.

When I was raped 3 weeks ago the person I was with dry fisted me and it was very very painful I felt it like of course in my vagina but then also in my abdomen very strongly and it hurt to the point that it almost felt like it was going to poop. And these somatic flashbacks are almost the same even though I know that in them I am a kid and I know who I Am with because I know who my abuser was it's the same I feel that sharp pain in my vagina and then this dull pain throughout my throughout my like my pelvis area and then kind of like this feeling like I'm going to poop it hurts so bad that like I involuntarily whimper or say "why" like I said that back when this was happening. I don't have any narrative for what was happening, I don't see anything I can just feel it and it feels like when I was raped 3 weeks ago so I think I was being raped when this happened, but I can't explain this feeling of like there was so much pressure I needed to poop it is so weird. Has anybody else had this happen?

After everything that was done to us, wanting revenge can feel fair. More than fair…Necessary, even! It gets talked about a lot after abuse — sometimes as justice, sometimes as closure, sometimes as a fantasy that keeps us going…

But I keep wondering did acting on revenge actually make things better for anyone here?

OR did letting it go (even if painfully) end up being the real turning point - which is where I’m at with this.

Id love to hear ur experiences even if the answer is “I don’t know yet. Wanting revenge is something I’ve battled with ever since…

i have been living in an abusive household almost all my life, and ive only recently come to realize that it was abusive. TLDR my parents (my mom and stepdad, not bio dad) did a lot of horrible and illegal things to me (such as r***, sexual assault, neglect, verbal and physical abuse aswell as other things) in the past and still some currently, and when my school counsler told me that it was abuse in 6th grade like 4 years ago now. i lashed out. because i wanted to defend my parents till the day i died. i wanted them to love me (after they outwardly said that they keep having thoughts of killing themselves because im such an awful child) and i wanted them to be proud of me. only recently i realised my counsler was right.

they killed my dreams and passion. my one hope for life, gone. i wanted to be something worthy to others. they just laughed and did everything in their power to not let me have what i wanted.

because of my moms neglect i was medically dying in 7th grade from insane malnutrition while having to take care of my little siblings. my body never recovered. unless theres some miracle, my life expectency is at around 30.

recently theyve been taking control over my entire life, instead of not caring like before. where i go. when. my schoolwork is now their only concern. it's a shithole having to come home to intense beatings or just plain verbal and emotional manipulation games because i got below an A on a test. now i hear my mom talking to me willingly, and its always a constant shame fight. by now im well into being a teen, and i want to get out. i'm tired of their sudden control over grades and how they treat me and treated me in the past.

i've attempted scui*** 4 times in my life. 4 times i woke up the next morning, 4 times they didn't know. my mom once found me s/h and told me if i really wanted to do it she was just gonna help me kill me instead. get it over with. they don't care about who i am, not until i got to highschool and my grades started to matter for college. they love passing me around as this little lazy kid who relies on his parents to get suchhh good grades trying to prove to everyone that they are amazing parents.

and it's even worse in public. in public, they become the victims. when we are around anyone, they stop the abuse. they start breaking down, scared of ME. crying about MY abuse to THEM. worst part is? the authorities have been called on them without my consent thrice already. to save me. and the authorities did NOTHING. ABSOLUTE ZERO. IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS. I HAVE HIT MY ABSOLUTE BREAKING POINT ON THEM, AND I FEEL LIKE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH FOR THINKING LIKE THIS. THAT I AM THE ABUSER.

as mentioned earlier, my biological dad isn't the abuser. but he's also doing nothing about this. he's too scared. my mom has way too much leveredge over our entire family, us all being refugees, and her working in the government. i want to get out. my dad isn't going to appeal custody arrangments. and that obvious now. but i need someway to get out. i'm scared going to my own household, and i dont know how. can someone give advice please?

sorry if this is incoherent english isnt my first language, but by god im trying. i needed to get this out, so im fleeing pathetically to reddit as my final resort. i have nobody irl

While my abusive father drove me to my local ShopRite today, he compared the way I buy food the way my abusive mother bought food when they were together. Stating that we both buy a World War 2 Surplus of Food. Is there a word for the experience of having an abuser comparing a child/adult-child to their ex? Is that what co-comparison is or is that a different thing entirely?

Recently I have been doing a lot better post leaving my abuser, one of my close friends started a service project for survivors of sexual assault that was inspired by my survival story. while I was in the hospital getting my r*pe kit she was very disappointed by the fact that hospital staff took my underwear as evidence and did not provide me any to wear home.

that is just one of many issues and oversights of interpersonal violence that negatively impacts survivors and I want to make more change than just providing toothbrushes and underwear to sexual assault survivors. I’m curious to hear from other survivors of domestic violence.

Looking back on your experience, what are some things that would have made your healing process easier after leaving? Or even things you wish you had access to before you left? Maybe a system or someone you felt like failed you or set you back when you were trying to recover? I really want to help others any way I can.

This could be anything, resources, support, practical items, emotional support, information, community, etc.

Everyone’s experience is different, and I’d really value hearing what helped you, what you wish existed, or what you needed most during that time. If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d appreciate it. 💜

How do you get out as a broke student?

For starters, I'm 21 and UK based.

This is a throw away and I've never actually posted on reddit before. I am sorry if I've messed up my post somehow or if this isn't the place, but I really want advice.

I live with my boyfriend. My parents are out of the picture so when I was facing the streets he and his family took me in. His parents are lovely and so is he, most the time. Whenever our relationship has any sort of strain it's like he goes from Jekyll to Hyde. He screams in my face, he berates me, belittles me, and has threatened violence. He has never gotten violent at ME but I have witnessed it.

I would leave, but I cant. I have nowhere to stay. I'm a full time student, with an unimpressive CV that hasn't gotten me a job EVER. my only income is the student loan I get every few months but it probably wont cover normal rent. I don't even know if my uni does accommodation, or if it would be available to me since my home address is only 20 minutes away from campus. I have not disclosed to my uni that I can't live at that house anymore.

I have no friends, no competent family, and no support outside of my relationship.

EDIT: I have reached out for an appointment with a counsellor at my uni!

It’s been 3 years since my ex husband (33M) and the father of our children abused me (29F) for the last time and was out the next day for good.

To cut to the chase- I still wonder all the time.. can someone who has violently harmed another person ever become not violent? So I guess I’m wondering, does any of you know someone in your life who was abusive and TRULY stopped their pattern of abuse for good?

I was reflecting on the abusive relationships that I’ve been in in the past, and I noticed a pattern with my abusers. A behavior that they all displayed. I won’t go into the gory details but my first abuser was my parent. One thing that my parent instilled in me from as young as I can remember, was to tell them everything.

When I would get home from school every day, from elementary school up until I stopped talking to them in high school, they would sit me down after school and expect me to spend anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half, maybe even 2 hours, going through every small detail of my day. I would have to explain to them every class, everything I said to my teachers, every conversation I had, every game I played at recess, every joke I made with my friends. it was completely exhausting, and it was their way of training me to not keep a single secret from them. As I got a little older, I realized how invasive this was, and I was super uncomfortable with it. But they wouldn’t let me stop. I started getting in trouble for not telling them enough, and they would make wild accusations about what i could be hiding.

As I was thinking today, I realized that behavior was in another abusive relationship, which began a few years ago in college. This abuser did almost the same thing. Long story short, I made this friend who isolated me and mistreated me in many ways. Even though he claimed to be gay, he started being very sexually inappropriate with me and over-controlling. He didn’t let me have any other friends or date anybody. almost every time that I saw him, he would demand to know every tiny detail. If I hung out with another friend, he would want to know everything about the hangout. If I had got into an argument with one of my parents, he would want to know every last word. If I opened up to him about past traumatic event, from before we were friends, he would ask a dozen disgusting and invasive questions, wanting to know every tiny detail no matter how triggering. Because had grown up with that same treatment for my parent, I didn’t see the red flag. It felt so normal to me that I thought he was just making conversation.

Anyway, is this a tactic that most abusers do? And if anyone knows the psychological reasoning behind why so many abusive people pry and pry for so much information, I would love to hear an explanation to help me understand why they do this. is there a name for this phenomenon?