I’m 33w pregnant FTM and up until recently I was really set on breast-feeding at least 6 months. But the closer I get to it, the less I want to breast-feed. Well, the more torn I am about it.

Maybe this is cultural (I’m French but living in the US) but the way we view things where I’m from, formula is totally acceptable and good. Babies sleep better formula fed (allows them to feed more and keeps them full longer). Moms have more freedom. Dads can be more involved too.

Here in the US, I feel immense pressure to breast-feed. Like I’d be a bad mom for not doing so. But even in the US, formula vs breast-milk contents (protein/fat etc) are virtually identical. Formula fed babies are perfectly healthy.

Part of me is saying “ok just do it for a month or 2” but then I’m dreading the weaning process. I’m scared of getting engorged or screwing up. Scared baby’s tummy will get upset by the change etc. Wouldn’t it be so much easier for him to just be formula fed right out the bat?

I’m also thinking financially: I’d have to buy all these breast feeding support stuff (bras, outfits/shirts, pumps and pump parts, nipple shields/cover, bags to store the milk, make extra space to store the milk in the freezer etc).

All to then buy everything I’d need to bottle feed anyways? When I could just from the get go buy what I’ll need for bottle feeding and go about it that way.

And of course, there’s the idea of being stuck as a feeding machine 24/7 for who knows how long. I’d like to get back to the gym etc asap. I want some freedom to exist in public without having to pause and feed from my body after 45min etc. I like the idea of being able to leave baby with his dad to be fed and cared for while I go to the grocery store or heck go take a nap!

We also have a night nurse/doula planned and I like the idea of being able to fully sleep while she feeds baby and not need to be woken up at all (I mean, what a waste of money otherwise right ?).

But I feel so guilty about not even bothering trying. Just going directly to formula cause I “don’t want to”. Would I be missing a crucial bonding experience ? Will baby love me less ?

Did anyone just formula feed right away?

How was it like for you?

Did you breastfeed for the first few weeks and then stop? And how was that?

Editing to add this question: How did your pp weight-loss/recovery go with EFF? I hear breastfeeding boosts weight loss for some (makes you gain for others). It’s not my main driver for formula vs breast milk but def curious about it.

Just trying to exchange ideas and experience. Obv I’m not there yet baby isn’t born!

I will try and keep this short as I am known to be so verbose. 😅

I am making the decision to put the pumps down and let myself dry up after weeks of back and forth, sob fests, anxiety, confusion, and indecision.

I am a meteorologist who knows how to track down the literature and examine complex studies. I KNOW formula rocks and my girl likely NEEDS it anyway due to digestion sensitivities and my milk; but I am struggling to commit, crying as I wash pumps (like I am saying goodbye to old friends, lort!) and spiraling in my head the closer I get to being done.

I am only 6 weeks in with baby so I could potentially reverse course…but I realllyyy don’t want to as I am sure I am moving into a legitimate case of PPD due to it all…please help me hold the course with hopeful experiences, inspiration, and motivation to get to the other side. If you struggled with something similar…was it worth it? Any regrets? Or no? The more details and mantras for me to hold on to the better!

Edit: thank you SO much for the overwhelming amount of lovely responses and kind words, I do appreciate it beyond words and I’m so sorry for anyone that made similar experiences. I cannot respond to everyone but I read all of it ❤️

I don’t even know where to start. I think I just need to get this all out because I’m so angry, heartbroken, and honestly still processing a lot of trauma. This happened in England, “ironically” (more sadly) I’ve seen a lot of posts from the UK lately on similar.

I had a very traumatic birth for myself, thankfully my baby was and is always fine but while I was unconscious in ICU, the midwives latched my baby onto me without my consent, because they believed breast milk was important for bonding, especially since I wasn’t “very present” (quote from my birth notes) in those first days due to what happened at birth. My husband found out and intervened because he felt it was a violation of my unconscious body. We gave her formula until I was discharged and then I breastfed as I believed it was the only ok thing to do and it was pushed so hard while still in hospital.

I developed mastitis almost immediately after being discharged because my supply was stimulated and then dropped, and because of that (and the trauma), my milk supply was always ridiculously low. I wanted to breastfeed and the midwives ruined it for me because they latched her on but once I was home, every time I expressed concern, I was told:

“It’s not a thing, babies’ stomachs are the size of a cherry.” “She’s just cluster feeding.” “Pumping isn’t representative of what your output is when feeding her!” “Undersupplies aren’t a thing when you nurse.”

Meanwhile, my baby lost 14% of her birth weight, and I was still told it was fine, that she’d get everything she needed. She became jaundiced on day 10, lethargic, and slept most of the day. I was told she was sleeping because of the jaundice, but nobody seemed concerned about why she had it in the first place.

Finally, we started giving her formula. Her jaundice cleared. She gained weight. I still pumped because I felt guilty as I’d been fed so many “facts” my whole pregnancy and postpartum about how formula is somehow second-best. But she hated my milk and refused it (which, honestly, lifted a weight of guilt from me).

I felt immense pressure from the midwives and health visitors to discontinue formula and try “my hardest” at breastfeeding to somehow make it work but deep down I knew this was ridiculous. I know now that they would have allowed her to starve and be miserable until she would have been diagnosed as “failure to thrive” but god forbid formula was given. I stopped this from happening.

Now she’s on formula exclusively and is thriving, shooting up the centiles, tall, plump cheeks, happy and alert. She sleeps through the night. She laughs and plays all day. The two weeks of “colic” that I was told was normal? Gone immediately once she was fully on formula. The “cluster feeding” that I was told is normal also? Never done that again.

I am furious that the NHS prioritised breastmilk over my baby’s actual health and my own well being. I was so severely injured during birth that I had to recover myself at home while somehow trying to keep my baby well enough with what I clearly couldn’t provide. But more so I’m upset that I was allowed to unknowingly starve my child and that my concerns were dismissed over and over and I’m so sad that I allowed this to happen and I didn’t just research or question anything. I’m a researcher, I was just in such a vulnerable spot after birth and fed all this information about the importance of breastmilk during my whole pregnancy that I never even questioned it. And I feel so dumb for that. I stay up at night sometimes feeling so guilty that I allowed this to happen to my baby, I feel like I failed her as a mother as I trusted our health care system. I should have known better.

I’m so angry this obsession with breastmilk led to my baby literally being underfed and not being healthy.

Formula didn’t just feed my baby, it gave me my happy, healthy baby back. And still, I went to a play group the other week that had breastfeeding support people around and while I was waiting for a friend I was approached by one and when I said I didn’t need any help as she’s on formula, the answer was “oh ok, well sometimes you have to do what’s best for the mum”

I don’t know what I’m looking for from this vent but I don’t have any other outlet so I’ll blur out my brain dump here. Thank you if you made it this far.

Did you feel regret about not breastfeeding after a while?

At first I definitely felt guilty but I’m almost 2 months in and now I just feel regret that I didn’t try harder instead. I only tried to breastfeed once in the hospital but I already knew in my heart that I’d be a much happier mom not breastfeeding.

But still why didn’t I keep going?? 🙃

My baby girl is almost 2 weeks old and I have EFF from the start. She latched on my boob for maybe 30 seconds and I knew it wasn’t for me. I also struggle with severe OCD, anxiety/ depression, and insomnia. I took Prozac my whole pregnancy and have been medicated for like 10 years. I also take trazodone from time to time for sleeping. I stopped during pregnancy but since my hormones have been all over the place, I decided to start taking here and there for sleep. Anyway this is me ranting about how guilty I feel from starting her on formula from the start even though I know deep down I simply wouldn’t be able to handle breast feeding as a mom and person but at the same time I’m like, I barley even tried I’m already a terrible selfish mom for not giving it a fair shot and quick to just say it’s not for me. Im just all over the place with things and I feel like this sweet poor little girl doesn’t know any better and I already gave her something that people say is “worse” than what your natural body can give them but I literally chose to do it anyway. I just feel awful and rattled with guilt. This is just my rant I know there’s nothing to do but I just want to feel justified.

I just found this subreddit and figured I’d come here for some support. I’m not sure if this had anything to do with it, but I was induced at 37 weeks due to preeclampsia. I had issues with pumping while in the hospital, so baby was getting pure formula until we got home.

I’ve only been able to pump around 1-2 oz every 3-4 hours, and now that my baby is almost 7 weeks, it’s not nearly enough to keep up with her. I was always pro formula but I am feeling guilty and like I’m giving up too easily even though we have tried everything to try and increase my supply.

How did you get over this guilt about quitting?

I just feel like you can’t win because it sucks to know you’re not producing enough for your baby, but it sucks to take away what little you could give them.

I’m 5 days post partum, first time mom. I never wanted to breastfeed, I always had problems with my nipples being sensitive, but my plan was to at least give the baby colostrum. I also had a breast reduction so my chances of having enough supply were always super low.

I didn’t want to hate my baby for touching my nipples so first I expressed milk with my hand and then I pumped. I think I got more or less 30ml in total. I hated pumping from the start, and it didn’t get any less uncomfortable, in fact it only got worse and my supply also got worse. Then today I started having some physical symptoms while pumping- nausea, ringing in my ears, worsened bleeding. I’ve read that oxytocin can cause all of that, and it can last for weeks while you‚re breastfeeding, or even longer. So now I’m not only I’m having those psychological issues related to breastfeeding, but physical ones too.

Like I said before, my plan was to supply the baby with colostrum and then stop. And I fulfilled that plan. But now that I’m actually a mother and the hormones and anxiety are kicking in, I’m starting to have overwhelming thoughts that I’m ruining my child’s development. And that colostrum doesn’t even have any real benefits and I’m just trying to make myself feel good ab not breastfeeding. And the funny part is that my mother mostly formula fed me, and I’m 5’10” and 134 IQ. I know that my decision to stop makes sense, my husband wants me to stop and focus on the baby, but I just feel so bad. I also know that I’m not the first person on this sub feeling guilty, and I would tell anyone else that formula is okay and fed is best, but for some reason I just can’t give myself this grace.

EDIT: Thanks everyone, I’m making a decision to be a more involved mom and I’m stopping pumping. (Also my husband already threw out the pump for me lol.) My baby has no issues with digesting formula, and I am a happier and better mom when I’m more focused on my cute baby instead of my sore tits.

We boil the water to sterilize the formula, NOT to sterilize the water. Baby girl is 14 weeks. I’m just tired of boiling and making sure it hits 158° as to be hot enough to destroy any possible cronobacter but not destroy the nutrients. I know the chances of cronobacter are soooo small, but I honestly have anxiety and think the time I decide to stop boiling it, she’ll get it and get deathly ill (pls don’t tell me to get help for ppa, I am working on it) Please either tell me your thoughts or give me permission to make life a little simpler

I am EBF my almost 4 month old. I have adhd and after being off meds most of my pregnancy, thought I’d do 3 months BF MAX so I could be back on ny meds. somehow I’m still doing it and miserable as ever. PPD/PPA maxed out, regret being a mother and feel resentful. I know if I quit and could be back on adhd meds and Zoloft, this would all go away. so please tell me that formula is actually best for my child so this guilt could go away! At the same time, my child seems to be thriving. So happy, crushing milestones, laughing and playful all the time. It’s messing with my head.

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling and needed a safe space to ask this.

I’ve had low milk supply from the start. I’ve tried everything — pumping around the clock, breastfeeding, hot/cold compresses, oats, barley, lactation supplements, goat’s rue, domperidone, metformin, all the “superfoods” during pregnancy… you name it. I barely get 10 ml when I pump, while my baby takes around 130 ml per feed. She only breastfeeds once or twice, and even that isn’t enough for her.Right now she’s mainly on Enfamil, and she’s doing well on it. But people keep telling me she’ll have “low immunity,” be “sick all the time,” or that formula feeding means I didn’t try hard enough. It’s breaking me. I cry every day feeling like I’m failing her, even though I truly don’t have another option.Can someone please tell me it’s okay to formula feed? I just want reassurance from parents who’ve been here — does your formula-fed baby grow healthy and strong? Do they thrive? I’m mentally exhausted and need to know I’m not harming my daughter by feeding her the only way I can.

My baby is 3.5 weeks old. She’s been getting mostly breastmilk either pumped or breastfed but she was born early at 37 weeks and small so it’s been a challenge. I don’t have anything against formula. She’s already had plenty in her first week of life. The part I’m having a hard time with is giving up on the idea of breastfeeding her for the next few months while I’m still on maternity leave. But emotionally I’m a disaster. I know it’s largely sleep deprivation and post partum hormone crash, but the stress of breastfeeding, not knowing how much she’s getting, or pumping to know how much she’s getting is getting to be too much for me. And I have a 4 year old who deserves a mom who isn’t crying all the time. If I could think rationally, I would tell anyone in my situation to wean themselves off the pump/boob and formula feed if that’s what they want to do but I can’t think rationally right now. Please give me all your positive stories about why you glad you made the switch earlier than you had planned, or why you are happy you never breastfed at all.

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who commented. I really appreciate the thoughtful responses and I read every one. I sent my husband to buy formula and ordered a new Baby Brezza, so I will be ready for my new baby’s formula journey soon :)

My baby (2months) has a tongue tie, breastfeeding felt like knives slicing my nipples from the first latch. I was constantly being told hes latching fine, then lactation noticed the tongue tie. I became so afraid to feel that pain I began to pump. The pediatrician said the tongue tie was minimal & of no concern for his speech in the future, but I was still too afraid to have him latch. So Id pump, I got up to 50/50 formula & breastmilk.

Then I got admitted for a postpartum complication & became too physically sick & exhausted to pump consistently so my supply lessened. My baby kept increasing in ounces & I couldn’t keep up so baby became exclusively formula fed by a month.

I felt like such a failure but pumping & washing all the parts 8 times a day was crushing me. My husband said I was like a zombie. Recently due to guilt I looked into relactation & decided to try to have baby latch now baby no longer even wants to latch. My supply has dried up & I feel so guilty. He is growing fine. I would love to hear from other formula fed moms. Hoping baby continues to grow.

I’m sure this has been posted so much and I’m sorry!

When I got pregnant in September, I had every intention to exclusively pump/nurse our baby but I’ve always been a bit anxious about a baby relying solely on me for care/sustainance. I’m sure it has some root in childhood trauma but I digress (that’s for my therapist). I have bipolar-2 and am at a heightened risk for PPD and PPA, which is further exacerbated by a lack of sleep.

I have all of the supplies for pumping but tbh none of the desire. I’m also a graduate student and while I’m taking a semester off for mat leave, I simply do not want to deal with academic pressure and breastfeeding. My husband has been working to convince me that it’s not selfish to not breastfeed and to go the formula route. I do plan to collect colostrum in the last few weeks of my pregnancy and provide little supplement syringes to the baby at first with their formula. No more than 1 ml a day though (tbh, more of a mental thing for me).

I would love to hear about your positive experiences with EFF! The mental relief I already feel by choosing formula is so real (coupled with the guilt ofc).

Idk if this is important but we’re in Canada, will get the monthly child benefit, and plan to buy the formula from Costco if that’s what baby accepts.

Two days postpartum with my second and got talked into “trying” breastfeeding again at my baby friendly hospital. I tortured myself for weeks over my ultimate decision to formula feed my first after struggling with so much pain breastfeeding, but in hindsight, it was the greatest decision. Best for my baby, my mental health, my body and my family. Yet here I am again, struggling again, in pain again, beating myself up all over again like I’ve failed at something . I guess on some level I thought maybe this time would be different and breastfeeding would be easy…

I know all of the benefits of formula. Why can’t I just call it a day with the breastfeeding and move on without so much guilt?!

EDIT: editing to just say oh my god, within 10 minutes of posting I have experienced so much kindness and understanding in these responses, I am blown away. Thank you all so much for “getting it” and helping a stranger on the internet. So much love to you all.

Hi any stay at home moms formula feeding? I’m in the US and formula is expensive & I feel guilty formula feeding & not taking home an income to cover the cost (when BF is free). Is anyone else in the same situation?

Hey everyone! I am due with my first in June! I am super excited and nervous all at the same time. I have made the decision that formula feeding will be best for me. I have never tried breast feeding/pumping as this is my first but honestly it’s never been anything I have ever had a desire to do. I am not sure if that mindset makes me a terrible person, but that is where I am at right now. My best friend just had a baby a month ago and she’s pumping and looks exhausted. She says it’s so much work, she isn’t sure how much longer she will make it…. Watching her struggle has made me even more nervous to try it. I also think I would struggle mentally with it… I like the fact that with formula feeding I can have more time to put into my little guy and not always worrying about if I am producing enough, etc. Another factor is that my husband can help more with the feedings as well.

My question is, for those of you who immediately chose to formula feeding, did you have any regrets? Do you wish you attempted breastfeeding/pumping?? Just looking for some insight. I feel like I am already getting somewhat judgy comments about my choice, which is also not a great feeling.

Hi all, I’m looking for some ideas on how to celebrate my formula journey coming to an end. Baby is almost a year and we are going to be switching to cows milk and maybe toddler formula if absolutely needed. But I know people who breastfeed always celebrate the end of their journey and I think ours is important to celebrate too. Every bottle made, every late night feed, the love to give our babies nourishment.

My journey has been hard and full of guilt and I want to do something to celebrate myself and that I had the strength to do what was best for my health and my baby even if it wasn’t what I wanted.

I’m keeping a clean empty can to store some mementos in but I’d love other ideas

Edit: if this seems silly to you I respect that please scroll on. This was a really hard journey for me and it does matter to me. I’m not throwing a party I just want to do a little something for myself

i had an emergency C-section 2 months ago and it was my first born i suffered a lot for the first 2 weeks i wasnt able to hold my baby or even get her near my breast so there was no milk i had to start formula and now i feel so guilty for not being able to breastfeed my baby and thanks to everyone around me i cant shake the feeling of guilt because formula is not as good as breastmilk and obviously am a bad mom cuz all children in the family are breastfed .

please guys tell me is my baby's health gonna be weak in the future because of formula .

Share ur opinions and experiences with me

I had an appointment yesterday with a new (to me) OB/GYN provider because we're considering having a second child and I'm looking for the right practice to go to.

She asked if I was still breastfeeding my child who will turn TWO in 2 months and I scoffed and said no and then I explained how I started out exclusively pumping and gave up at 5 weeks at the ADVICE of a certified IBCLC. Without missing a beat or asking WHY, this doctor's immediate reply to me was "you needed a better lactation consultant".

From reviewing my medical history she knew that I have ADHD, but she didn't know about my D-MER, or how my mom brought us airport covid at 2.5 weeks pp, or how impossibly high my caloric demands were as someone pumping 30oz/day at 5'8" and 130lbs immediately postpartum, after losing 800mL blood pushing out an 8lb3oz baby who had a lip tie and reflux so severe that the postpartum care team transferred her away to another hospital on day 2 for imaging because they thought she had an intestinal blockage. That hospital found nothing wrong with her, but she remained a spit-up queen until even after she was on all solids.

We tried every formula and landed on Kendamil Goat, which I would gladly stockpile for a second baby.

But no, the doctor didn't ask and didn't care!! And I was too taken aback to set her straight about it.

Real shot in the dark here, but if anyone reading this has a recommendation for a supportive OB/GYN in northern Virginia who delivers at Inova hospitals (either Fairfax or Fair Oaks), I would be so grateful. I'm so tired of wasting my time with doctors exactly like this one.

Hi, I’m just here to say that I have 4 babes.

My Oldest is almost 12 and youngest is 2 months. My first was formula fed: he never gets sick, he’s the tallest in his class, so smart that the teacher has to create extra work for him because he finishes everything first. He’s in ELP classes.

2nd born (breastfed) she’s the first one to get sick, she has struggled with reading some but overall a good little student too.

I’m just saying, it literally doesn’t matter how you feed your baby. It doesn’t. People like to blame formula or breastfeeding. It doesn’t matter. What matters is how you parent. That’s it. Teach them, get on the floor and build those magnatile houses with them, talk to them, teach them about feelings and being kind to one another. That’s what makes the difference and what makes the good kids. If you’re feeling guilt over how you are feeding your baby, it doesn’t matter. It’s 12 months. How you spend the other 204 months till they graduate high school is really what matters most ❤️

I’m 3 days PP and my milk has officially come in. Initially, I went from wanting to be exclusive breast feeding to then being wanting to do EFF to then going “I’ll try and whatever goes goes”.

Well our first night home at barely 30 ish hours PP was AWFUL. I was SO tired from not sleeping since before labor, I couldn’t feed properly and baby cried all night. My nipples ended up blistering so the next day, I quickly gave some formula and the next 24h were SO easy, I decided then and there this is how it had to be. A decision I was so happy with especially cause it allowed our doula to take over to let me sleep.

But this evening, my milk came in (boob started leaking)…. Perfect milk! And the guilt is really hitting. I think paired with the baby blues… ugh.

The thing is my baby has a perfect latch. He’s a great eater. I myself have great boobs (I guess? According to lactation team) and everything CAN click into place. I have everything in my arsenal for the smoothest easiest BFing journey.

And I’m choosing to throw it away…. Basically. I’m trying to focus on how miserable I was that first night. How happy I am to see my husband feed baby. How much less pressure it puts on me etc. The positives.

But I still feel shitty. I think in parts because SO many people are saying “just try” “you HAVE to try” etc etc. I only had ONE person I know (my aunt) say it was super good and what she did with my cousin. Everyone else is sooo pressed on BFing.

Did you feel that way? How did you navigate that? Just looking for an “I’m not alone” in this.

Thank you 🥹🥲

Hi everyone, I’m sure this kind of thing is posted a lot. I (33.5 weeks) take medication for epilepsy and was just told by my doctor that the options are either discontinue use of it or formula feed because of the risks for the baby. Of course I’m not going to stop taking such an essential medication, but I can’t help but feel terrible guilt. I go to a midwife run practice in the US and they are VERY pushy about BF as is the hospital I’ll be delivering in. I also have extremely judgmental family members that I’m sure will have something to say. Between this and having gestational diabetes, I’ve been dealing with a lot of “mom guilt” for my baby that’s not even born yet for things that I rationally know are out of control. Any advice on how to deal with judgey people or general encouragement is welcome!!

Also, just want to say that I FULLY support parents who choose to formula feed for no other reason than they want to. I don’t think anyone needs a reason to justify it. This is just my own situation and guilt.

Edit: haven’t had a chance to thank everyone yet, but thank you all so much. I feel infinitely better now ❤️