r/FormulaFeeders • u/Historical_Bike_9061 • 15d ago
Support Needed / Guilt Related š§ø Choosing to formula feed before giving birth
Iām sure this has been posted so much and Iām sorry!
When I got pregnant in September, I had every intention to exclusively pump/nurse our baby but Iāve always been a bit anxious about a baby relying solely on me for care/sustainance. Iām sure it has some root in childhood trauma but I digress (thatās for my therapist). I have bipolar-2 and am at a heightened risk for PPD and PPA, which is further exacerbated by a lack of sleep.
I have all of the supplies for pumping but tbh none of the desire. Iām also a graduate student and while Iām taking a semester off for mat leave, I simply do not want to deal with academic pressure and breastfeeding. My husband has been working to convince me that itās not selfish to not breastfeed and to go the formula route. I do plan to collect colostrum in the last few weeks of my pregnancy and provide little supplement syringes to the baby at first with their formula. No more than 1 ml a day though (tbh, more of a mental thing for me).
I would love to hear about your positive experiences with EFF! The mental relief I already feel by choosing formula is so real (coupled with the guilt ofc).
Idk if this is important but weāre in Canada, will get the monthly child benefit, and plan to buy the formula from Costco if thatās what baby accepts.
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u/trolldoll26 15d ago
I chose to EFF from the start because I didnāt want to breastfeed š¤·š»āāļø
That was my one and only reason. I havenāt regretted or felt guilty a single day.
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u/ProudCatLady EFF from birth!! 15d ago
Same here! Iāve LOVED formula feeding! Watching my husband feed baby is so sweet (especially when itās 3am and I can roll right back over without being involved at all). I love not worrying about pumping, babyās intake or my wardrobe or diet. Babyās thriving and so am I.
I think BFing is super cool, but just was never gonna be for me. Thereās so much stigma around not even trying breastfeeding, even in this sub, so I kind of like being loud and proud about EFF from day 1.
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u/CompetencyOverload 15d ago
Similar to you I was NOT ok with pumping (never even got the equipment, the idea of doing it squicked me out entirely).
Just want to say that if (and only if!) you want to, it's totally possible to combo feed without pumping. I did that with both of mine, and found it to be a nice balance of the cuddles/1on1 time of BF without the pressure of being the only, or even primary, source of nutrition. It's a shame that there isn't more info out there on combo feeding for those who want to do it.
All that said, you ALWAYS have bodily autonomy, formula is a nutritionally complete food, and your baby will thrive no matter how you feed them!
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u/Historical_Bike_9061 15d ago
Yeah, I donāt want to BF at all. I looked into combo feeding first and came to the consensus that I donāt want to do that.
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u/CompetencyOverload 15d ago edited 15d ago
Valid! Formula is an excellent option, then (and Costco is for sure the most cost effective, formula prices are unfortunately nuts in Canada š¬).
Ā If you haven't already, you can sign up for Enfamil and Similac samples and coupons, which can be handy in case babe has a hard time with Costco brand.
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u/Historical_Bike_9061 15d ago
Thatās a good point!!! I keep meaning to sign up for that and then get the $49 formula sample package.
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u/Fluttery-Flower-24 15d ago
I was in a very similar situation to you, not wanting baby to solely rely on me for staying alive. Also took a semester off grad school when he was born. I think formula feeding saved our lives in more ways than once I did end up with PPA but had GAD before pregnancy was even an idea. I didnāt collect colostrum or even whip out a pump. Kiddo got formula on day one, he came early due to an emergency induction and he ended up with CMPI and I love dairy so formula did wonders for us in more ways than one.
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u/Historical_Bike_9061 15d ago
How was managing grad school with a baby? I did not enjoy it while pregnant lol
I think the colostrum collection is honestly more like a āoh well hereās something!ā Even though I know half a ml isnāt going to be that beneficial.
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u/cramsenden 14d ago
If you do collect colostrum, when you take it to hospital, make sure they put it in the freezer immediately. I collected so many syringes for months of hard work. But they took their time at triage and wasnāt admitted for a while and they defrosted apparently by the time they were going to put them in freezer. They gave them all back to me saying since they defrosted, I wasnāt allowed to give them to my baby and I can do whatever else I like with them. I think looking at those hours of hard work and not even knowing what to do with them at the hospital was the first moment of my PPD sparking in my brain. I just felt so bad. So make sure they are frozen!
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u/ProudCatLady EFF from birth!! 15d ago
I collected about 10mL once baby was born just because it was leaking out anyway and I had the same idea - itās already here and itās supposed to be good for him so letās give it a tryā¦and he didnāt even seem to like it. I added it to his next bottle so he still got it, but what good that even did, who knows?!
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u/grnlzrd23 15d ago
I chose to EFF from the start. My guy is doing very well on it and I know I made the right decision for myself and mental health
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u/Plantyplantlady35 15d ago edited 15d ago
I EBF with my first and i was miserable. I now can hardly stand having my boobs touched. I chose to EFF my second because of it. The relief of doing formula is huge for me and it has felt easier then EBF. My mental health suffered immensely with my first and this time around, I feel so much better.
I also developed an autoimmune condition between my pregnancies that caused dramatic weight loss. I was unable to eat enough to sustain myself and I was worried that it would cause issues with BF. At that point, I was worried about the health of both me and my baby.
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u/dangersiren 15d ago
My baby is about a week and a half old and Iām SO GLAD I chose to EFF from the beginning. The doctors at the hospital gave me cabergoline to dry up any milk that could have come in, they were very supportive and happy to help me with formula feeding, even the lactation consultant came by to talk to me about how to avoid mastitis.
Being able to share the load with my husband overnight, Iām free to sleep when I can grab it. I never have to wonder how much my baby is eating, whether or not Iāll have enough āsupplyā, I donāt have to worry about cracked nipples or my own diet causing allergic reactions. Itās a HUGE load off my mind in this 4th trimester.
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u/SnailSlugSnug 15d ago
We EFF from day 1. I knew that my anxiety would make BF very challenging for me and I did not want to risk worsening any PPA/PPD because I was also at a heightened risk for. I did end up developing PPA (and still deal with it) and I canāt imagine having to BF while dealing with it and attending grad school. The extra support that my husband could provide was a game changer and allowed us both to get sleep while still providing for our son. Please try not to feel any guilt, I know it can be difficult.
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u/lonevariant 15d ago
I chose to EFF from the start and it was fantastic. I highly recommend it! Iāll do the same with any future babies. I didnāt do any colostrum.
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u/alexgrae9614 15d ago
I chose to EFF from the start, because like you I am also high risk for PPD and PPA due to Bipolar-1 and a whole host of other dx. I received no pushback from the doctors only one speech therapist (my son struggles with eating) but Iām thinking of firing the speech therapist at the hospital and using his early intervention one exclusively. Itās a lot to handle
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u/Historical_Bike_9061 15d ago
This is good to know and helpful.
I know itās def not the same but I had speech therapy (articulation not feeding) as a child, I also studied early childhood education and the early intervention people will most likely be less judgmental about it bc they see everything and just want a fed child! (Alsoāusing the services provided by early intervention shows a funding need for it.)
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u/alexgrae9614 15d ago
Iām glad I could be somewhat helpful, definitely do not put the extra pressure on yourself if you are 2nd guessing as whether you can handle it or not. Your mental health is important and from the beginning I have always said āFed is bestā
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u/Present-Decision5740 15d ago
I was heartbroken after not being able to breastfeed my daughter. Devastated.
But after seeing how well she's doing at 18 months- crushing every milestone, talking up a storm, great eater and sleeper, early walker and a pretty stellar immune system I genuinely have no regrets. I know what the studies say but truly she is doing so well I just don't think it matters as much as people say it does.
I think I might do formula from the start with our next child. My husband being able to manage nights sometimes, knowing exactly how much she's eating, being able to have my body back to myself. It was a big benefit to our family.
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u/Historical_Bike_9061 15d ago
Iāve not personally read the studies (Iām taking a break from reading anything remotely academic rn) but apparently once variables are isolated for socioeconomic status, the benefit of exclusive breastfeeding is not fully conclusive. Which makes me feel better!
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u/Key_Grocery_2462 15d ago
I just had my first baby (2 weeks today!) and Iāve known since before I got pregnant that I would be exclusively formula feeding. I didnāt even have a āgoodā reason except that I simply didnāt want to. It never appealed to me and I was never interested in it.
It was the right choice - a miscarriage that ended in a D&C, 2 rounds of IVF, pregnancy, and childbirth took so much from my body. I didnāt want or need yet another thing ādoneā to my body.
EFF has saved my sanity postpartum. Relying on formula allowed me to fully rest and recover the first few days after coming home from the hospital without being disturbed and now my husband and I to take shifts at night, allowing both of us to get 5-6 hours of solid sleep plus 1-2 hours of shift sleep/naps. If was BF I wouldnāt have this luxury and my mental and physical health has been really great for having a newborn at home.
Good luck on your journey OP! We support your decision!!
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u/ceruleanmeadows 15d ago
I'm also a mom with bipolar disorder and anxiety, and I think formula feeding is absolutely the way to go for other moms with bipolar disorder. Obviously, every individual is different and should do what makes them happy. But with that being said, nothing has triggered an episode like being postpartum has. Even with a partner that does 100% of the work during the day and half of the night, I still go days without eating and sleeping and have had more than a few break downs.
I combo fed for two weeks because I was so engorged I needed to pump anyway, but after I switched to fully formula my baby's growth sky rocketed. Every doctor we've met has commented on the fact that he never lost weight and has only grown since birth, which isnt typical for newborns. We only needed to try one formula and he's done amazing on it, he eats and sleeps so much better now that he's not taking breastmilk (pediatrician said breastmilk goes through them faster so they get hungry more often, thus waking up more).
My biggest pros: no more engorgement from missing a pump/feed, my husband can give me a seven hour stretch of sleep every night, I don't have to coordinate going out with pump/feed times (I personally found it embarrassing to pump when I wasn't at home, but more power to moms who do), I don't have to adjust my diet to accommodate my baby's sensitivities. But my absolute favorite pro is that I can take whatever medications I want. I was diagnosed with ppd yesterday and since I'm not breastfeeding I can try whatever medications I want without fear of how it'll affect my supply or if it'll be harmful to my baby
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u/Future-Mode-3620 15d ago
I did something similar to this! I found the mental load of collecting colostrum during pregnancy to be really do-able, but post birth it was just too much. I ended up bringing about 30 to 40mls to the hospital and that was enough to feed her on top of a little bit of pumping while I was in the hospital. I ended up continuing to pump a little bit at home like a couple times a day and froze some milk to give her about a bottle a day through 4mo and then I transitioned to fully formula around six weeks, Kirkland brand and sheās doing great on it. No regrets and enjoying motherhood with lots of relief. Good luck!
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u/Amazing_Face4692 15d ago
I donāt know how anyone breastfeeds. I was so unbelievably desperate for body autonomy. All my friends kids who breastfeed are still waking up multiple times a night and their naps are a mess. All the formula babies (including mine) are sleeping well and all the way through the night. Do with that what you will. My son is so healthy, happy, and absolutely thriving, and so am I.
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u/Campyloobster 15d ago
Formula is what truly made my bf and I's parenting 50-50. We took shifts so that I would sleep 7pm-3am (our baby was up every 3h and had reflux, so feeding and burping took 45m minimum each time) and he would sleep 12 or 1am til 8am. Pumping wouldn't have allowed that because not pumping at night made my supply super low.
Not-so-fun fact: the sleep deprivation from being up every 3h for a whole month (before I quit BFing and pumping) for sure contributed to me getting sick with a life-threatening infection postpartum (that's also what dried up my milk, right after I had resolved to quit -- I thought it was a sign of destiny but nope). It's off topic, so I will not spam here with that. But anyway... choosing to EFF for your physical and mental is super valid imo.
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u/Vivid-Brilliant-9942 15d ago
This is 100% okay and anyone who says differently, your momās a hoooe.
Breastfeeding can be stressful, painful, straining, and beyond. If youāre already stressed about it, listen to your gut. Maybe baby is born and you do decide to try breastfeeding, thatās fine too. Maybe baby is born and you feel even more certain that you want nothing to do with breastfeeding, thatās perfectly fine.
I have one boy that I formula fed from day 3, breastfeeding was literally the hardest thing I have ever done to this day. Iām currently pregnant with my second and I do want to try breastfeeding again, however Iām already fully stocked with formula because if itās anything like my first it wonāt last long before my mental health is saying helllll no to it!
Do you boo and donāt feel guilty about it for even one second.
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u/olmi13 15d ago
My baby is 6 weeks old and I never even considered breast feeding. I have no regrets. Heās happy and healthy with absolutely no issues. Because Iām not BF or pumping, on the weekends my husband takes the baby and I sleep in the spare room for 8 straight hours and it is amazing. Part of taking care of your baby is taking care of your own mental health.
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u/Pretty_Please1 15d ago
I EFF from the beginning. I received no push back from anyone. My happy, healthy 22mo old is currently singing the ABCs (accurately and independently) in my lap.
I donāt regret not breastfeeding. Now that I have the basics of motherhood down, I might combo feed my second in the very beginning for bonding purposes. But will have zero qualms about switching to just formula if itās not a pleasant experience.
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u/Adventurous_Teach323 15d ago
I Can tell you from experience BF that it is so exhausting. I dealt with so much anxiety not knowing if my baby was getting enough to eat everyday, to being drained with her attached to be literally every hour, I could get nothing done. Personally my next baby I wonāt be breast feeding and that is okay. And I donāt recommend it based off my experience. I believe it also contributed to my PPD and obviously anxiety and made things far more difficult for me than if I just formula fed. A fed baby is all that matters. You cannot tell who was formula fed or breast fed. Donāt feel guilty girl, itās just as important that you are taking care of yourself so your babies needs can be met. Nobody told me how difficult it would really be so I went in completely blind. Not saying there were some moments I loved. But for me the bad outweighed the good tbh. Breast feeding really is so hard, and I commend the moms who actually stick to it. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing not too.
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u/Adventurous_Teach323 15d ago
Not to mention the extremely hard time I had for months trying to get her used to a bottle. Those were literally the worst times of my life. It took months for her to get the hang of and accept a bottle. Thatās where I messed up, I waited to long to introduce a bottle and she had preference for the breast so it was a long hard journey. Iām planning on not going through that again LOL
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u/salty-MA-student 15d ago
I exclusively pumped for 3 months and it was āØ horrible āØ as soon as we were totally formula I felt immensely better. I also have bipolar 2 and my antipsychotic tanked my supply. Later I learned that it blocks prolactin production. Need medicine to survive so formula it was. We are planning on having a second and I will likely EFF from the start.
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u/Historical_Bike_9061 15d ago
Iām on Wellbutrin/Lamictal but Iāve found Wellbutrin to affect the amount of colostrum I produce by about 2/3rds. I know it doesnāt happen like that for everyone but I guess Iām (sarcasm) lucky.
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u/cramsenden 14d ago
I exclusively pumped for my first after a long and painful trying to breastfeed period, and formula fed my second baby from the beginning. Their health in general is about the same, no problems. Both smart, great development. Second one had much easier time with longer sleep periods and basically sleep trained herself so early. We even put her in her own room at 4 months because she was fine by herself, wasnāt even waking up. My first only started sleeping more than 3-4 hours at a time after I gave in and started giving some formula in the evenings after like 6-7 months and didnāt sleep through until 9 months. And I had PPD with my first and spent months in being either in physical agony or emotional anguish over not being able to breastfeed and having to pump. I was also shamed left and right for pumping because I was ātaking the easy way out instead of keeping tryingā. It was literally the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Definitely not the easy way out. I literally needed to feed the baby, change her, put her to sleep and then pump for half an hour, change bottles, clean pump parts every wake time every night, just for the baby to wake up an hour later. If I was just giving formula or just breastfeeding, I would have gotten some real sleep. But I got shamed regardless.
So with my second baby, I told everyone to suck it and they didnāt think I was feeding my baby properly with my first anyways so they had no reason to be thinking this is worse and didnāt listen to anyone but my husband, whose priority was my mental and physical health.
Donāt let anyone shame you. Formula feeding was disadvantageous when the formula was super low quality in the past. Most of the shaming comes from that and the ingrained belief that formula was so bad. My mom even told me to cook butter, flour, sugar and cow milk together and make a paste to give my NEWBORN instead of giving my baby āthat poisonā. So it is all about them being so uneducated and still thinking they know something.
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u/Lanky-Principle-8407 14d ago
I just had my baby, I chose to formula feed after trying to BF/pump for my first. Honestly itās amazing get a brezza too. This postpartum experience is entirely different to my first. I wish I could go back and do it for my first to actually enjoy my baby.
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u/bananaindisguise0 14d ago
I had a baby 4 months ago and my whole pregnancy I planned to breastfeed and was honestly excited to do so, I did it once in the hospital and decided to formula feed after that. While I do have guilt, I (for the first time) last night thought wow Iām honestly glad Iām not breastfeeding.
Maybe Iāll breastfeed the next baby, Iām not sure but for now Iām happy with my decision.
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u/mollyandwhatnot 14d ago
I EFF with the Kirkland brand formula and my little girl is 3 now! It allowed me to be more present with her and my older child. I hated pumping with my first child and it took a toll on my mental health. So I knew before giving birth to my second that I was doing EFF. So glad I did! My milk came in full force on day 3 and I pumped twice for comfort, gave it all to baby but that was it. Overall happy with my decision. Good luck!
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u/laurdez 15d ago
Hey, Iām 11 weeks postpartum with a history of mental health struggles who also ended up going down the EFF route with absolutely no regrets!
Iāve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety and depression in the past that Iāve worked on through therapy and medication - I was in a mentally good place and stopped Lexapro a couple years before conceiving and when I got pregnant last year I decided I would try breastfeeding for the benefits of breast milk, bonding experience, etc.
When I gave birth in March, my PPD was AWFUL and was only exacerbated by breastfeeding and pumping. Baby had a hard time latching from birth and I had extremely low supply so I had numerous appointments and consultations with lactation consultants which never helped. I would DREAD even thought of LO trying to latch onto me and decided I might as well try pumping instead.
I started pumping 6-7 times a day but I still felt trapped to the pump and so discouraged about my low supply but not wanting to sacrifice more sleep to pump in the middle of the night at the cost of my sanity. I felt resentful that I was the only one who had to take on the burden of pumping and it really affected my bonding experience with our LO. At a point it genuinely made my skin crawl whenever I turned on the pump and heard the suction sounds.
Switching to EFFing was a turning point in my PPD - it allowed both myself and my husband to take equal turns with feeding our LO, and just releasing the mental burden of pumping in between taking care of our baby let me be so much more present with him and enjoy the snuggles and play time without constantly looking at the clock trying to figure out when I can put him down and pump in between.
He also ended up having CMPI and needing to go on hypoallergenic formula, so my breastfeeding/pumping journey wouldāve probably ended one way or another anyways.
If I were to do it all over again I would choose EFF from the start! Our LO is thriving on formula, heās 78% percentile all around and such a happy boy š
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u/justreading123455 15d ago
A heathy mom is what is best for baby. If breastfeeding/pumping is causing stress/anxiety, then donāt do it!!
I pumped for my son and it triggered PPD for me. It made the 4th trimester and beyond really miserable. It was a big strain on my marriage as well.
I EFF my 2nd and it has been night and day experience from my first. Iām happier, my house is happier. Iām healthier! My marriage is strong.
You are doing your research to prepare the best one can and that makes you a great mom already. Trust yourself and your instincts and tune everything that isnāt support out!