r/FormulaFeeders • u/PerceptionStrong6794 • Mar 29 '26
Support Needed / Guilt Related 𧸠iam feeling guilty because i couldnt breastfeed my newborn
i had an emergency C-section 2 months ago and it was my first born i suffered a lot for the first 2 weeks i wasnt able to hold my baby or even get her near my breast so there was no milk i had to start formula and now i feel so guilty for not being able to breastfeed my baby and thanks to everyone around me i cant shake the feeling of guilt because formula is not as good as breastmilk and obviously am a bad mom cuz all children in the family are breastfed .
please guys tell me is my baby's health gonna be weak in the future because of formula .
Share ur opinions and experiences with me
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u/Any_Passage_8479 Mar 29 '26
Put it this way- walking down the street could you point out breastfed adults from formula fed adults? When was the last time at your medical appointments did they ask you whether you were breastfed or formula fed? Has it ever made a different to the treatment plan you had for any illness in your life?
The lactivist lobby have a lot to answer for allowing the spread of this insanity that breastfed=healthy adult and formula fed=chronic illness. Itâs just not supported by evidence. The genetic lottery of life will play a far far greater role in your babies health coupled with lifestyle choices.
Parenting is a marathon not a sprint. Itâs not over at the first hurdle of breastmilk or formula. You will impact and parent your child as they grow up and help them make good lifestyle choices.
It feels a lot now but as your baby grows you realise breastfeeding v formula is not that deep. Itâs food. Thatâs all. Itâs not some big moral victory to breastfeeds. Formula is not a failure. Trust me - no adult is in therapy over relationship with parents because only they werenât breastfed!
Iâm a formula fed adult feeding a formula fed baby. Iâm academically successful with a good job. No major health complaints- Iâm not an athlete by any means- but thatâs down to my crappy food choices and genetic inheritance of crap knees- NOT how I was fed as an infant!
Go easy on yourself x
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
lol ur responde really made me cry and laugh at the same time thanks a lot for ur kind words i needed to hear such kind words to get over the guilt that is eating me alive đđ
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u/Pen_Super Mar 29 '26
Thank you for pointing out that itâs really not that deep, itâs just food! I am also a formula fed adult (turned out just fine lol) feeding my baby formula, but the crazy hormones/emotions of the first two weeks postpartum really made me feel so bad about not successfully breastfeeding. It was wild!
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u/Any_Passage_8479 Mar 30 '26
No I get you- I was the same. It feels like the most important thing in the world and then the further and further you get (my baby is now just turned 1) you realise just how insignificant it is in the grand scheme of life!
My baby is also doing fine :) some milestones he got early, others on time/ within the window of normal range. Nothing to do with how he was fed and everything to do with his character- he is a lazy sod when it comes to crawling and trying to walk lol! Fantastic fine motor skills for examining toys and âreadingâ books. All babies develop in their own time for a whole host of reasons. I hate how so much pressure has been put on breastfeeding as if itâs the answer to everything.
Social media is pretty toxic at the best of the times but itâs positively evil in the case of pitting breastmilk against formula. It can really makes the hormone fuelled newborn phase harder. Even if mentally you know itâs absolutely fine to formula feed you can still find your self second guessing it!
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u/SolLuna23 Mar 29 '26
I really needed to hear this too, recently I had to start formula feeding my baby because of allergies she has. But that societal pressure makes me feel guilty
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u/AdhesivenessScared Mar 29 '26
Iâm currently home with my breastfed toddler because she has a 102 fever and some virus. Even breastfed babies get sick. She also switched to formula at 5 months and did BETTER on formula. She drank more and gained more weight. We just used Enfamil neuropro.
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u/KaleidoscopeFar261 Mar 29 '26
Oh course baby won't be weak in future. I am FF and I am a great big healthy lump of a female and have been my entire life. I don't have illnesses or webbed feet lol. From what I read breastmilk provides 'passive' immunity only... to things like the cold (does not prevent) for about maybe 6mths? Beyond that, what actually is the benefit?? My baby is FF and super healthy, zero colds and was born in middle of winter. I got a cold and norovirus and she managed to escape it. Conversely, my nephew was BF and continuously sick until he was 3 years old. Constant runny nose etc. So, whilst that is one example, it shows that not everything is as it seems. I'm not doubting benefits of BF, I am saying I think hugely overhyped. It is not an elixir. Your baby will be 100% fine and who knows possibly healthier than you and family lol.
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
lol i hope so cuz i would love to continue FF without feeling the guilt đ
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u/KaleidoscopeFar261 Mar 29 '26
When you keep seeing the babe, and you, thriving, you will know it was perfectly ok. My little one is an absolute sleeping and eating machine, and meeting all her milestones with ease. I know that being a good sleeper is due to many reasons, but FF def helps IMO, as you always know they are properly full, and this in turn helps me function more because I get more sleep lol. Please give yourself some grace...and importantly, a lovely big glass of vino đˇ đ (if that's something you like). You've earned it!! Once hormones settle you will feel less and less guilt. I've genuinely had a lovely postpartum because I've been able to share load with feeding etc.
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
lol I agree with you i know i am loosing my mind and i didn't find a soul that calmed me or helped me get over the guilt until now thankx to u and everyone who commented iam feeling better today than ever
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u/LEGALLY_BEYOND Mar 29 '26
Formula is the best food science can make.
Give yourself some grace. Only a new mother could be expected to undergo major (emergency?) surgery and then be guilted for not working hard enough immediately after.
I dragged myself over the coals and worked so hard to eventually switch from formula to breast milk with my first baby. Now I am constantly pulling floor food and rocks out of his mouth. You will look back on this time with kinder eyesâI promise.
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
thank u momma ur words mean the world to me.beleive me I spent nights crying and trying to pump some milk but there was no milk supply in me and everyone around me made me feel guilty about it .am ready to move on đ
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u/GreyDogMom Mar 29 '26
Kindly tell your friends and family to back up and back off, and mind their business.
You are doing a great job. Your baby is fed the best way you can.
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u/Ray_BIue Mar 29 '26
I was a formula baby and I grew up fine, I don't have any issues with health either! My baby is also a formula baby, he is also growing up fine and is a very huge lil man.
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
thanks for sharing this with me i appreciate it đđ
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u/Ray_BIue Mar 29 '26
No problem! My brother is also a formula baby and he is a very large & tall man, so I think your baby will be completely fine!
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u/i_am_here-tada Mar 29 '26
Almost 6months PP to preemie babies. Variety of reasons led to my babies being formula fed. I do pump once a day at night but only able to produce little milk (medicinal quantities, which are almost always fed with dropper).
My babies are thriving. They have good weight gain. Happy, active, naughty. Recognise me, love me. I am their 2nd favourite person (1st is their father, and I stopped fighting that). They enjoy their bottles and have started holding the light onles themselves.
Why am I sad when they are so happy?
I did feel the pressure, the expectations to breastfeed, directly or pump. But soon my amazing reddit family made me realise that 'fed is best'.
With formula, I feel a lot relaxed in ways I can't even explain.
The only time I feel sad about formula is when I see the receipt for the tins. Never else.
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
thankx a lot đ my baby is only 2 months old and believe me i had a mental breakdown a couple of times bcuz of the whole breastfeeding thing now i feel at ease thankx to everyone in here .đ
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u/i_am_here-tada Mar 29 '26
Hey, you will have more breakdowns in the coming months over a variety of things. Don't let formula be 1 of them. There are other things. Don't worry.
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u/polarbearfluff Mar 29 '26
I was a premie and needed to gain weight desperately so I was formula fed. Iâm healthy. No autoimmune issues. Multiple masterâs degrees. No asthma, only seasonal pollen allergies (who doesnât though, right?). Very athletic and coordinated. Got the average cold and flu stuff growing up but thatâs it. Never had to get tubes in my ears or anything like that. The lactavists like to act like formula is akin to McDonaldâs everyday but they forget that formula was scientifically created to meet all of babyâs needs meanwhile theyâre over there having to supplement vitamin d and iron to make sure their baby is getting enough since itâs not really actively available in breastmilk. If any of them make you feel guilty for formula feeding just remember itâs usually from the moms who have very low self esteem and who feel like BF was the only thing they were good at so they ride that accomplishment hard all while trying to bring others down. I pity them and remind myself where that insecure behavior is coming from. Secure moms who breastfeed are just living their lives and rocking motherhood in their own way, theyâre not concerned with how others feed their children or looking to bring them down.
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
i agree but for me the closest ones are the ones who made me feel like shit about the whole thing !
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u/CurryingFervour Mar 29 '26
I was in almost exactly your situation with an emergency c-section and remember crying with guilt so many times. My baby is 6 months now and doing amazingly, he's so healthy and happy and our bond is so strong! I look back and regret spending so much time feeling bad, as formula has been wonderful for us both - especially now I'm working now again and can get out of the house and know he'll be happy with his dad or grandma giving him a bottle. Also, now that he's eating solids, the obsession with breast milk seems more and more irrelevant. Donât feel you have to defend yourself to anyone who makes you feel bad or awkward about formula feeding. You're doing brilliantly to be looking after your baby and giving her what she needs after a very difficult start for you both.
I really think some women just find breastfeeding a lot easier and have no understanding of an undersupply and the anxiety it creates. I promise that you'll feel better about this soon, especially seeing your beautiful daughter thriving and hitting milestones!
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u/bloontsmooker Mar 29 '26
If Iâm being honest I formula feed and feel zero guilt. I know exactly what my child is eating, whatâs in it, how much. I have less stress, Iâm more present, I get more sleep, my house is spotless. Fuck the haters let me see your house.
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
lol ! the same goes for me i get enough sleep my baby is happy and healthy but people around me always made me feel like shit for not being able to BF and i won't lie it took a toll on me đ
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u/Hot_Buy_9181 Mar 29 '26
I was formula fed and Iâm in perfect health. Good immune system, very tall for a woman, 2 children. You canât tell I wasnât breastfed
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u/Novel-Heart-4078 Mar 29 '26
I didnât find out I was formula fed until I was 34 with a baby of my own. Both of my parents passed away and you just donât think to ask those questions. Iâm a personal trainer and lifelong athlete. I NEVER get sick, even when Iâm around sick people. Stomach of steel. Scholarship to college. You get the gist. I was shocked to find out I was strictly formula fed. You are doing great mama đ¤
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
ooh what a relief to hear such words from a beautiful soul like u thanks a lot â¤ď¸
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u/priuspulida Mar 29 '26
My almost 5 year old daughter was combo fed from the beginning and EFF from like 8 weeks. Sheâs very healthy. No health issues at all. Now with baby #2, he didnât latch well. We did combo feeding from beginning as well and now EFF. Heâs almost 3 months and growing well! Do not feel guilty at all. I did as well in the beginning but seeing my baby growing and thriving is all that matters. I cried a lot about this but itâs the hormones. You will get past this! You got this mama!
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u/alliejc Mar 29 '26 edited Mar 29 '26
Iâm so sorry youâre feeling this way!! Iâll share my experience and hopefully itâll give you come comfort.
My eldest was an emergency csection after a failed induction. I tried like hell for 6 weeks to breastfeed. He wouldnât latch because there wasnât anything for him to eat. I pumped around the clock determined to give him what everyone said was the best. I decided to pump, it would take me 3 days of pumping every 3 hours to make a half of a bottle. My husband found me in the middle of the night hysterical in the dark hooked up to the damn pump. I stopped after that. My son is now 8, heâs so smart, healthy, loving and would crawl back inside me if I allowed it.
When his babysister was born we latched in the hospital but there was nothing. Poor girl couldnât even get a drop, so we formula fed. Sheâs 2.5 now and ahead on all her milestones but sheâs so happy and healthy. Also very much velcro baby.
Myself, my husband and our siblings were all formula fed and we are all good! Youâre doing a good job! Just feed your baby and enjoy them. How you feed your baby is your business and the business and of pediatrician, everyone else can fuck off :)
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
omg u reply made me feel even much more better thankx alot mamma !
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u/Normal_Soft_2148 Mar 29 '26
I think itâs easy to tell others that formula is good but then we feel guilty ourselves when we feed formula. I hated pumping so Iâve stopped doing it, I now feed my baby formula and BF at the same time but soon Iâll be EFF. Thank god for this subreddit I feel supported and less guilty. My husband was EFF from day 1, heâs tall and has a masters degree, so i guess it really doesnât matter.
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 29 '26
i always thought it was the same but then again people around me made me feel like shit cuz i couldnt make milk and breastfeed my child !đ
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u/JadedJae Mar 29 '26
Your baby is going to be just fine! I killed myself trying to breastfeed. I finally stopped and gave my baby formula only. NO IMPACT OR DIFFERENCE! He took the formula right away, and he continued to grow and develop. All that matters is that your baby gets nourished - and youâre doing that đ¤
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u/Odd-Priority4225 Mar 29 '26
When research tells us something is positive or negative definitively, that means there is clear research to draw conclusions but not necessarily how much of a positive or negative impact. Recently they said ham causes cancer. There is clear research. However, youâd have to eat a lot of ham to actively get cancer. And deli ham is probably not the biggest carcinogenic that youâre encountering. That doesnât mean not eating ham means you wonât get cancer or eating ham will mean you get cancer. Breast milk is better for a babyâs immune system but that doesnât mean formula is bad. The net positive effects of breast milk are so small in the scheme of things and they also donât mean that formula is bad for a babyâs health. Theyâve also said that net positives really only matter for the first 6 months. Anecdotally, my eff son has only had one Cold in his 12 months of life. My husband and I were both eff and heâs never sick, while I always am. So many factors are at play, no one decision you make as a parent will define your kids health or future. But you made an overall positive choice for your health and his. You did good!
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u/BpositiveItWorks Mar 29 '26
I had an emergency C-section and my daughter spent 10 days in the nicu. The doctor literally prescribed formula as part of her feedings and instructed us to continue feeding her the formula at discharge even though we had breastmilk to give her.
Formula was prescribed to help my premie get better. I hope that helps.
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u/designercosmo Mar 29 '26
You are doing what any good mumma would do and feeding your baby, the way the baby is fed makes absolutely no difference what so ever!! I had an emergency c section and was unable to breastfeed and my baby went on formula after 24 hours. Bubs is a healthy, happy almost 11 month old and our attachment is absolutely amazing! If I have another, I will again choose to formula feed. The guilt we feel comes from society pressures and mum shaming, there is no shame in doing what is best for you and your bub! â¤ď¸
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u/AttemptUnusual3840 Mar 30 '26
Having a c section sometimes makes producing breast milk a bigger challenge. I didnât have a c section myself but I still did not produce any milk until day 6 postpartum. Even then I only got 0.5 ounces each time I pumped. The pressure I felt from everyone to keep trying and that breast milk is best stressed me out SO much paired with the guilt I already felt⌠so Iâm here to tell you that you are definitely not alone. The second lactation consultant I saw during my hospital stay asked me what my goal was and I told her âto have my baby fed ! â at that point my newborn had gone all night over 12 hours without getting a single drop of breast milk and I was so worried I was starving him. All the nurses and my family kept saying âkeep trying!â They didnât realize how stressful it was to pump literal AIR every 2 hours. I had to finally ask for formula. And to be honest fed is best ! No matter how that occurs. Donât feel bad honestly, there are so many moms in your shoes itâs just not advertised. đŤś
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u/Any_Passage_8479 Mar 30 '26
You say your family is being unsupportive about formula. Would your family respond to academic arguments? These helped me when I was newly post partum (after my emergency c section) and navigating the switch to formula when breastmilk didnât work.
So the one that really grinds my gears- which you see a lot on FB- is being told that breastmilk is intrinsically perfect and contains everything baby needs. That mum should guzzle Gatorade, eat Oreoâs and junk food for calories because it doesnât matter what mum eats. This isnât quite true. Firstly, breastmilk is generally found to be low in vitamin d so mums are reccomended to supplement with drops. Formula contains vitamin d- how great is that- I know my baby is getting sufficient vitamin d. Secondly, breastmilk has been found to be low in certain vitamins and nutrients if mums diet isnât adequate. I know for me my diet during pregnancy and post partum wasnât great- the stereotypical beige diet because I struggled to keep food down- and could only take my prenatal vitamins every few days because swallowing it made me vomit (so even if I did take it I threw it straight back up!) it was such a relief to know that formula provided everything my baby needed and I didnât have to worry about my own diet impacting him.
Next that formula contains âheavy metalsâ- this is so misleading - breastmilk can contain heavy metals too. At least formula is regulated and tested. Sadly environmental issues impact everything- so heavy metals can be found in pretty much everything we eat. Some studies of breastfeeding women have show scarily high levels in their breastmilk- far far far higher than the levels found in formula in the oft cited Florida or consumer report.
I can share academic paper for these?
You may find it helpful to read Emily Osters book crib sheet. She can be a controversial figure because she is an economist not a scientist (but I meanâŚitâs not like she claims unearned credential!)- an extract is available here HERE Basically the summary is that many of the purported benefits of breastfeeding are overstated because the evidence is not as slam dunk as people think.
If you search this subreddit you will find more posts that talk through these points.
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u/PerceptionStrong6794 Mar 30 '26
omg thankx a lot i never thought of it that way .you surely changed my whole prospective i really appreciate it đđ
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u/Necessary-Peach-0 Mar 30 '26
My FF LO is off the charts healthy, 99% height and 87% weight, doesnât get sick, best temperament, smart, curious and sleeps amazing. Breast milk has nothing to do with it!
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u/Coffee_cake0903 Mar 29 '26
I wasnât able to breastfeed either and my baby is now a year old and thriving! I canât believe I spent so much time worried about giving him formula. Youâre doing whatâs best for your baby and they will be perfectly fine! A year from now you will look back and realize it was the best decision you could have made! Iâm so so grateful for formula!
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u/My-reddit-name07 Mar 30 '26
Could you find out scientific academic evidence that breastfed babies are significantly more healthy than formula-fed babies? From credible scientific journals, not from third party organizations that may have bias
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u/CanadianBullet360 Mar 30 '26
Goat Milk has the same stuff as female breast milk! If your baby is on goat milk then sheâs basically breastfed. Thatâs what I say to my family
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u/didyouknowthaaat Mar 30 '26
Myself and my 6 siblings were all formula fed. My oldest sister was born in â81 and youngest â91, and Iâd say since the 80âs formula has only improved. None of us have any major health issues that could possibly be related to formula. I breastfed my first baby and have to formula feed my second because my milk supply didnât establish either. I intimately understand the guilt, but your baby was hungry and needed food- thank goodness we have formula!! What would we do without it! It is a godsend. Try to reframe your thinking. Instead of feeling guilty for not breastfeeding, be thankful that formula exists, it has helped me a lot. There are many reasons people canât or donât want to breastfeed, all of them fair. You wonât even be able to tell the difference between the formula and breastfed children your baby will eventually go to school with :)
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u/LampLighterr Mar 30 '26
Donât feel guilty for feeding your baby formula. There is nothing wrong with it.
I was FF. Grew up happy and healthy. To this day, Iâm healthier than my husband who was breastfed.
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u/ChaoticBlueDaisy Mar 29 '26
The guilt youâre feeling is a result of societal pressure. Youâre doing NOTHING wrong - youâre doing what you have to do to get your baby fed. And formula is a perfectly healthy, legitimate option. Youâre doing great đ¤