r/FormulaFeeders • u/Killer-Queen9 • Sep 29 '25
Rant / Vent 🫠 Why is the breastfeeding community so….insane?
My first baby is 11 weeks and EFF. Absolutely thriving and hitting all milestones, in fact, she’s ahead of a couple milestones. I’m very pleased with my decision to formula feed. But, I swear all I see online is moms talking about breastfeeding in such a passionate and condescending way. If anyone posts about formula feeding in a positive manner it seems that the breastfeeding community comes at them with a vengeance.
Why are they like this? From the outside looking in, it kind of seems like they are getting defensive to justify their misery? I’m genuinely starting to actually judge people who breastfeed at this point because of how insane these people act online 🤣
Anyway, I’m a better mom because I chose formula. I’m present, fully recovered, and well rested. I’ll never regret this decision. But again, just wondering why the breastfeeding community is so aggressive..?
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u/jade-boi Sep 29 '25
My mom is a lactation consultant. She talks about breastfeeding probably 50% of the time. She even has a breastfeeding related tattoo. She was so excited to find out I was planning on breastfeeding our LO when he was born. When I told her I was feeling a lot of guilt for having to formula feed our baby after a few weeks due to a medication I’m now on, she reassured me fed is best, and that my baby is a happy healthy boy, and cracked jokes that she’s glad I’ll actually be able to sleep through the night knowing that I don’t have to feed or pump every two hours. If a medical professional who’s also my mother can be supportive, anyone else can too. It’s a weird superiority complex on their end. Probably trying to convince themselves it’s all worth it.
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u/Indecisive_INFP Sep 29 '25
I saw a lactation consultant who has a daughter that was a severe undersupplier. She says it just goes to show it's not always "well, if mothers had the right support from the beginning..." and sometimes it really is biological and no amount of pumping yourself into an early grave will make it happen. I loved seeing her because she didn't make me feel like I wasn't trying hard enough.
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u/huffalump1 Sep 29 '25
well, if mothers had the right support from the beginning...
Exactly, their rigid thinking of "lactation WILL work and if you have trouble, it's YOUR fault" is absolutely WILD. Besides, some people hit their kids and raise them on iPads. Don't listen to advice from people you don't already trust lol.
Like, some babies come early. Mine did. Some people just can't make the milk that their baby needs. OR, perhaps it's not worth it to them to go through hours, weeks, months of pain and frustration to still not make enough milk!
My baby is now skyrocketing up the growth charts and months early on milestones (note: this is in the normal range, but I'm just saying, for the haters) - all on formula!
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u/cafe-aulait Sep 29 '25
I had an LC with my firstborn who, after our second appointment, sent me out the door with like eight sample cans of formula. In addition to the severe lack of milk production, my husband sat next to me in the appointment explaining how I was feeling (not because the nurse wouldn't listen to me but because I wouldn't have owned up to it myself). It shouldn't be that hard for people to accept that it just isn't the best choice for some people!
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u/Necessary_Fire_4847 Oct 15 '25
God bless the lactation consultant at my hospital who saw the baby refusing to latch and said "Okay, four tries then you give him a bottle. Otherwise both you and he are going to hate this."
My milk never came in, no matter how often I pumped. To this day I only make about 6 oz per day. If I hadn't had a professional say it was okay to start giving baby a bottle from Day 1, I'm not sure the breastfeeding mafia wouldn't have gotten in my head and convinced me that starving at the breast is better than full on formula.
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u/HCSRainbowRN Sep 29 '25
I’m a lactation consultant myself and I couldn’t breastfeed. Formula has been a gift.
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u/zangelbertbingledack Sep 29 '25
Glad to hear your mom was supportive! When I first met my LC, before the baby was born, she kind of gave me the vibe that she would be a "breast is the only way" person. I felt so much anxiety telling her that combo feeding was becoming untenable and I wanted to switch to EFF, I was so ready to feel judged. But she was so sweet and supportive! S/O to all the wonderful LCs like your mom!
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas Sep 29 '25
Agreed, probably trying to convince themselves it’s worth it, and the need to feel superior.
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u/In_Jeneral Sep 30 '25 edited Sep 30 '25
I saw a LC (to have a tongue tie evaluated, not actually for breastfeeding) and her whole stance was "I'm here to help with breastfeeding if you want to make it work, but your baby is only this little for a short time and you should enjoy it, so if that's not happening with breastfeeding then maybe it's not the option for you and that's OK."
Really loved the approach, I'd been super apprehensive about the appointment beforehand but was very pleasantly surprised.
She also backed it with a bunch of logical reasoning. She mentioned that natural weaning without societal influences can actually be as late as 7 yrs old. So even if you were to BF that full time, figuring that kids are usually dependent until ~21 yrs old, that's still only 1/3 of their life (and even with weaning at that point, they'd obviously be eating other foods before then too). So you're only tagging out on this 1 thing that at absolute most would be around for 1/3 of the time they're dependent on you. Which in the grand scheme of things you do and provide for your kids, is a drop in the bucket.
(I think I came across as feeling guiltier about not breastfeeding than I actually do, so she was being extra supportive lol)
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u/ANudeTayne Sep 30 '25
I am forever grateful for the lactation consultant I saw when I was just a week or so postpartum. She saw me wincing in pain and said it was okay not to breastfeed, that formula has come a long way since the olden days. If I hadn't had a professional say that to me, I might have tried longer and been more miserable. She gave me the strength to quit breastfeeding.
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u/PrincessKirstyn Sep 29 '25
Superiority complex. They like crave feeling better than others. I had a mom tell me when I hit her back with “my child would starve to death” that it would have been gods will.
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u/thisiszaara Sep 29 '25
wtf! I wish these people got actually transported to pre formula days where women had to watch their children starve or feed them goats milk or find a wet nurse.
to humble them down.
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u/louisebelcherxo Sep 29 '25
I think they're also insecure over their own mothering and think that choosing the most difficult way to be a parent makes them better.
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u/InspiredBagel Sep 29 '25
My own mother was telling me how important it is to breastfeed after I told her it was either formula or my baby starves.
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u/Due_Imagination_6722 Sep 29 '25
The entire "natural parenting" trend is insane. I understand wanting to do everything to make sure your kid grows up healthy (which mum wouldn't), but the way it currently plays out, it's just another way for women to feel inadequate/pressured. You don't cease to exist as a person once you have a baby, and you are allowed to give birth with pain relief, decide not to breastfeed, and not prepare every meal for your baby from scratch. I think the people who try to put us formula feeding parents down are very often unhappy with their choice to breastfeed or struggle more than they want others to see. But instead of acknowledging that, they try to make themselves feel better by reassuring themselves that they're "still doing what's best for the baby."
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u/fanofmischief Sep 30 '25
Yes! The “natural fallacy” trend is insane right now, in all areas, and has become very anti-science in many ways.
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u/Cautious_Werewolf_32 Sep 29 '25
I was so set on all this while pregnant because of all the stuff online. Well, had a very traumatic birth that required epidural and couldn't produce milk after trying for over almost 2 months. Worked 8-10 hours + 2-6 hour commute, so trying to make everything from scratch went out the window in like 2-3 weeks lol Now I look back and think I was crazy for trying to put so much pressure on myself.
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u/BabyCowGT Sep 29 '25
The ones who are aggressive about it do seem to typically be so aggressive to justify some sort of negative emotion or experience with breastfeeding. It has to be worth their suffering or issues, or why'd they go through it all anyway, essentially. The reality is, they're just loud. Most people who breastfeed don't particularly care if you do or don't, they're just going to do what works for them and their baby and want you to do the same. They just don't typically need to broadcast "hey, I'm not an insane jerk!" on social media posts.
The biggest lesson in parenthood, truly, is to learn to block out the noise. The opinions of random people online (including this comment!) really don't matter. If you, your baby, your family are all good, if everyone's doctors are happy, all that's good... Then you're good. Anyone else's opinions are just noise.
If it bothers you seeing those comments (fair enough), just block and/or move on. Don't feed the algorithm trolls by engaging with it. You'll never win, and you'll just get frustrated.
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u/econhistoryrules Sep 29 '25
To put it simply, happy people don't care about what other people are doing.
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u/faerie87 Sep 29 '25
from my experience, it's most people, including dads, come at me and tell me
"you really should breastfeed"
"have you considered breastfeeding?"
"brestfeeding is better for the baby"
etc.
i am almost scared to tell people i formula feed. i'm already not surrounded by super granola people either. like they don't care about BPA/plastics, etc.
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u/Available_Bid2454 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
Tell them to eat shit. Seriously, it’s not their choice and to even comment on it is out of pocket! Hit em with the “I didn’t think you had such strong opinions on how moms are choosing to feed their kids.”
Honestly from a breastfeeding mom you get shit on both ends. I constantly encounter,
“You should consider formula” “Formula is what’s best for the mom! Less stress!”“You should just switch!”
Do what you want either way baby is fed and healthy! No matter what you choose people have opinions unfortunately, as a mom you can never make the “right” choice.
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u/hbecksss Sep 29 '25
This is great advice. There is so much noise online but that doesn’t mean it represents the majority. Most of us are just doing our best and don’t care what other people do.
I breastfeed currently, but I follow this sub because I wasn’t sure which way it was going to go for me, and I was open to either. I’m also a twin and was formula fed, so I’m very grateful for formula. Most of my friends formula feed. I’m the outlier for breastfeeding. So if I talk about it to others, it’s mostly to share how ignorant and uneducated I was about it. And how there is pressure from all sides and you really can’t win.
I hate hearing that people are shaming others for their choices. Being a new parent is hard enough.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
Believe me, it doesn’t bother me — I’m very happy with my decision to formula feed and have really enjoyed this season of my life. I think my algorithm just feeds me a lot of baby/parenting content these days, so I see a lot of aggressive breastfeeding posts/comments. I just find it interesting because I don’t really see this aggression from the formula feeding community and curious as to what the root of this behavior is.
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u/BabyCowGT Sep 29 '25
A mixture of the aforementioned aggressive self justification, plus a HEFTY dose of pseudoscience fear mongering topped with the ever increasing crunchy-mom bullshittery, served with a side of classic mean girl bullying behavior and superiority/inferiority issues that wasn't outgrown in middle school.
Basically. Like I said, the actual majority of moms don't really care how someone else feeds their kid, just that they do.
$5 we see infighting from the crazy BF crowd yelling at normal BF moms who take the occasional Tylenol here shortly.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
Well in that case, crunchy moms be warned: this thread is not a safe space for you lmaoooo
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u/Mindful_Meow Sep 29 '25
Literally the best way to put it. Especially the pseudoscience fear mongering.
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u/Jeff_Pagu Sep 29 '25
I equate the hardcore “breastfed or bust” people to anti-vaxxers
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u/prunellazzz Sep 29 '25
Convinced the Venn diagram of hardcore ‘breast is best’ weirdos and anti-vaxxer is just a circle tbh.
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u/zangelbertbingledack Sep 29 '25
Same people probably advocate for drinking raw milk.
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u/Jeff_Pagu Sep 29 '25
“The bacteria in raw milk builds immune systems!” Lol is probably their mentality
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u/AwayWeGo92 Sep 29 '25
Can confirm in my experience! My SIL is one of those “formula is poison” people and wouldn’t you know, won’t vaccinate her kids either because that’s also poison 🙄
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u/Ripe-Tomat0 Sep 29 '25
Many girls I know who BF claim BF provides all the antibodies they need so they don’t need vaccines. It doesn’t work that way girl😭🤦🏻♀️
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u/Jeff_Pagu Sep 29 '25
They just found the cure to all viruses!! They need to patent it or else I will 😂🤣
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u/sarahgracee Sep 29 '25
I know lots of breastfeeding moms who aren’t this way so be careful to generalize.
However there is definitely a loud, unhinged, “breast is best” community that seems to exist to make other moms feel bad and “selfish”.
I don’t know exactly why they are insane, but I suspect a lot of them have mental health issues that are exacerbated by “MAHA” and social media. The things they preach are not evidence based. I also suspect that there is this “trad wife” image they are upholding where they feel it is a mother’s duty to be home and breastfeed no matter the cost.
Formula feeding kept my baby happy and healthy and kept me happy and healthy. I was able to get more sleep. I went back to work without the need to pump. I went out with my friends and had drinks and wasn’t worried about how long I was out. As a feminist, I love that it levels the playing field a little bit when it comes to gender roles. And dad had so much bonding time with baby! I did a little bit of combo feeding and enjoyed it but was happy to go EFF.
Anyway, rant over. I’m sorry you have encountered those troubled people.
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u/CivilExcitement4254 Sep 29 '25
I’ve added breastfeeding to my blocked words on Instagram. I don’t need the trauma
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u/Ripe-Tomat0 Sep 29 '25
They’ll say their baby won’t take a bottle, pacifier and they’re confined to feeding baby and doing majority of baby care alone every 2-3 hours, leaking, needing to upkeep/increase supply, painful latches, constantly washing pump parts, an endless amount of lactation consultant appointments, having to eliminate dairy or gluten or soy or sugar or whatever it may be because baby could have an intolerance, not being able to take medications or diet, and talking about pain or medical issues (mastitis, clogs, abscesses, etc.) and then be like “WHAT?!?! WHY DIDNT YOU AT LEAST TRY!???!!!!!!!”
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u/In_Jeneral Sep 30 '25
My favorite is when someone is a couple of weeks in and says it's too hard on them and they're thinking about stopping and a bunch of people chime in with "it's only this hard for the first 3 months, then it gets so much easier, keep at it girlie!!"
Like that's literally half the time you'll be exclusively feeding milk, and they're acting like it's a 1 week inconvenience.
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u/mehpeach Sep 29 '25
A lactation consultant popped up on my feed vehemently advocating against any form of sleep training, no matter how gentle, before a year old. The reason? Purposely trying to drop night feeds for mom to more sleep MAY cause a dip in milk supply…I swear to some people worship supply like it’s their religion.
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u/Ripe-Tomat0 Sep 29 '25
YES. So many girls in my groups won’t even take approved medication because it MIGHT cause an issue with supply. One girl was septic because mastitis and was upset they gave her something at the ER that stopped her supply. Like girl you have SEPSIS
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u/Trintron Sep 29 '25
Imagine being upset the ER saved your life. You cannot feed your baby in any form if you're dead.
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u/econhistoryrules Sep 29 '25
It's easier to worry about a biological process than worrying about the million nuances of parenting.
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u/Autumn2110 Sep 29 '25
My kid is the only one formula fed from 2 weeks old in my antental class (they've all turned 1 now), and mine is the only one walking. Breastfeeding isn't some miracle thing that makes babies superior, even though thats what they would have you think. The stuff they spew is sooo boring and repetitive sigh
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u/Ripe-Tomat0 Sep 29 '25
EXACTLY. If breastmilk was this superior super magical juice I think there would be a clear and obvious difference in development, school, graduation rates, etc. but there’s literally no difference whatsoever. And the breastfeeding community hates to admit that
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u/Wuhtthewuht Sep 29 '25
In my experience, many EBF moms fall within the anti-vax, homeopathic, crunchy mom crowd and… well… they be b*tches.
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u/OrdinaryAnxiety8394 Sep 29 '25
EBF people online are pompous especially influencers who EBF. My actual friends who breastfeed in real life are not this way.
I would say I’m a “scrunchy” mom and I had every intention of EBF my first baby but tongue tie ended that journey. With my second we also had tongue tie issues so I pumped and we combo fed for a few weeks before going totally to formula. If I heard one more person say “breastfeeding is supply and demand” I was going to scream. If your baby cannot latch at all or can’t latch well and effectively transfer milk then that is not going to work.
Maybe it’s dumb but breastfeeding besides being painful for me also personally gave me the ick. I hated the letdown sensation that felt like being stabbed in the nipple, I hated feeling like a dairy cow, I hated when milk would leak on me despite my low supply. It’s just not for everyone and that’s okay.
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u/lola-sparkle Sep 29 '25
I never anticipated the anger and self righteousness of the EBF community until I joined my first mothers group with my son. I walked in, cool, calm and content as an EFF mother, and finished each session more broken, confused and upset. It was the way they passed passive aggressive comments to me, made me feel less than and left me in a anxious state of ‘what have I done?’ It took me almost a year of therapy to reconcile that I hadn’t done the ‘wrong’ thing by my son, I was a good mum and I needed to go back to that initial feeling. And now as I’m about to have my second, I am well untruly back and I dare anyone to comment about it. Dare them!
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u/persephonenyc Sep 29 '25
The mom’s groups are the worst. At one point my husband was like “I don’t see the benefit in these, they are making you miserable” and he was so right
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u/lola-sparkle Oct 01 '25
Absolutely! I tell my new mum friends to just be wary and take it all with a grain of salt.
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u/Lazy_Antelope3224 Sep 29 '25
This! And those moms will say “fed is best” but not always mean it you know? I EBF for 5 months but my baby became a lazy sucker and wasn’t gaining weight. I decided to pump breast milk 3 times a day to give her a few bottles but my supply isn’t enough so have to supplement with formula. I felt soooo much guilt before giving her the first formula bottle, I’m not even quite so sure why, but I think it was because of this crazy pressure of “failing”. Fast forward one week of combo feeding and I feel SO much better. I can leave my baby knowing she will be fed and happy. I can nurse her, I can give her bottles, the flexibility it brings is SO much better. I’m not even sure why I put so much pressure on myself from the get go. My baby has CMPA so I had to find the right formula and albeit to an adult it doesn’t smell pleasant but nutrition > anything. My baby is gaining weight, is in a much better mood, is sleeping well and I am finally detaching from the psychological pressure of being her only food source and the anxiety it brings of not even being able to step out to do a small thing for myself like (a haircut!). It feels great. The moms that EBF and say fed is best but don’t mean it are the worst. I’m glad I found this community
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u/IndependentCat5678 Sep 29 '25
swear a lot of the times it’s to justify how miserable they are. Going EFF was the best decision for my mental and physical health by far and I feel like my recovery is leaps and bounds ahead of all my friends who had babies around the same time who are EBF or EP🤷🏼♀️
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u/Whimsy-chan Sep 29 '25
Probably the lack of sleep impacting their decision making skills and feeling like they have to justify the sacrifice. Honestly for me I ran the cost benefit and determined it wasn't worth the extra effort to persevere with it. Illness - got all the vaccines including the optional prenatal ones. SIDs - sleep in same room to 6mths. Bubs is thriving and a real solid nugget.
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u/hattie_jane Sep 29 '25
Hundred percent defensiveness to justify their misery. These people suffer so greatly for something that matters nothing to their baby, so they have to hype it up or it would drive them mad!
Those who easily breastfeed with no suffering/issues are often way more chill about it and less zealous (not always, but often)
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u/shivvinesswizened Sep 29 '25
My mom EBF me. But she didn’t care if anyone else did or if I fed my girl via formula. She was so chill and said to do what was best for her.
Also I had a surgery that made it not possible for me to breast feed and still got pressured by other people.
Now my girl is hitting milestones way before and she is exclusively formula fed.
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u/strixjunia Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
it kind of seems like they are getting defensive to justify their misery.
That’s pretty much it. I’ve read comments from breastfeeding moms that dislike “fed is best” slogan because “fed is the bare minimum”, and if we don’t recognize that breastfeeding is 100 times better then all their work is for nothing.
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u/Objective_Impact_597 Sep 29 '25
They’re fkn crazy, I’m 5 weeks pp with my first baby, we’re combo feeding and no one has made me feel as inadequate and unsupported as ppl on the breastfeeding subreddit
I so wish everyone could just support each other, parenthood is hard enough
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u/luckyembryo3 Sep 29 '25
Because they actually hate breastfeeding, so they need to validate their choice to be miserable to themselves. Among IRL mom friends, the biggest trend I've noticed is that if breastfeeding is easy for you, you don't feel the need to be condescending about it; if you're miserable, you're going to bully other people about not also being miserable.
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Sep 29 '25
This. I have EBF friends who are so delighted to feed my EFF baby and have never not once said anything hurtful. Happy people truly don’t care.
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u/DogMomWineLover Sep 29 '25
I don't get it either. Saw a TT recently where a mom said if you pump you can't say you exclusively BF. It's such a weird hill to die on.
I'm only 11 days postpartum and I'm doing it all: breastfeeding (not producing enough), pumping to try to up my supply, and supplementing with formula. The amount of posts I see online from women absolutely distraught about having to supplement with formula is insane. They're acting like it's poison. The only reason I'm BFing and pumping is because it's free! And BFing requires no clean up/bottles/etc. But I'm exhausted from the constant feeding and pumping. If things don't get better soon, I'll switch to formula.
Teachers will tell you they can't tell which students were formula fed vs breast fed, but they can tell who has emotionally regulated parents, who is read to, and who gets iPad time.
I was formula fed. I was an excellent athlete, graduated with honors (2 college degrees), no allergies, and I'm rarely ever sick. My bestie exclusively pumped for her son's entire first year of life. She was miserable. He's now 3 and has been hospitalized for major illnesses and awful allergies more in 3 years than I have in my entire life. She plans to exclusively formula feed her second. I really don't understand why people ride so hard for breastfeeding.
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u/West_Slice876 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
They really want people to see and sympathize with their “sacrifice” for their child. As if having a child in general isn’t a sacrifice. As if we as EFF moms aren’t sacrificing our mental health as well having to hear friends, family members, people online, and even healthcare professionals shit on how we feed our children. As if we don’t have to be careful with the hospital we chose to deliver in because often “baby friendly” hospitals push breastfeeding and make you feel like shit if you want to formula feed. As if we don’t see signs everywhere in the hospital (and in the NICU in my case) stating how amazing breastfeeding is and how we should be doing it.
As for anyone coming on here and saying they’ve never experienced this in person, I sure have! When I told my friend I wouldn’t be breastfeeding my son due to being on medication that I am unwilling to go off of to breastfeed, he asked if I would like some of his wife’s frozen breast milk because it would be “so much better” for my son than formula. He asked multiple times, his wife did as well continuously stating it would be “so much better” for him. Also, why are EBF moms here anyway commenting on this post? I think saying that there are bullies on both sides really isn’t very accurate. EFF moms get defensive because we’ve been told the way we feed our children is bad for them.
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u/Ok-Indication-3823 Sep 29 '25
To be honest it seems it doesn't matter what you're feeding your child. You'll get judged. Mums breastfeeding in public get shamed, EFF mums get shamed, mums breastfeeding their 2 year olds are told they're being selfish, mums who EFF from birth are being told they're being selfish... Yes, there are bullies on both sides.
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u/West_Slice876 Sep 29 '25
But who is BULLYING a mom for breastfeeding? Everyone is thrilled when they hear a mom is breastfeeding, no one asks them why! When a mom is formula feeding the first question you get is why.. I shouldn’t have to explain why I feed my child the way I do. Yet, I am always explaining myself.
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u/Ok-Indication-3823 Sep 30 '25
Have you read some of the comments on here? Women are literally sh*tting on my BF mums.
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u/West_Slice876 Sep 30 '25
I have not read every single comment since this was posted, I’m not stalking the thread. But we get shit on constantly in groups that are supposed to be for ALL moms. This subreddit is supposed to be for formula moms, we should be able to express our hurt in a place that is safe just like all of you breastfeeding moms are able to express yourselves EVERYWHERE. Let us just have one place of safety. We aren’t going on breastfeeding subreddits making comments.
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u/West_Slice876 Sep 30 '25
Also I didn’t even interact with your comment at all yesterday. I didn’t respond, I didn’t upvote or downvote. I literally just need ONE PLACE where I’m not made to feel like I’m a mom who is not good enough and who doesn’t have the same “special bond” with my baby because I can’t breastfeed.
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u/Ok-Indication-3823 Sep 30 '25
Basically this group is for women who formula feed only? A BF mum who wants to switch to formula can't come on this group for information on FF because shes a BF mum? Gotcha. It really is a Us vs Them.
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u/Ok-Indication-3823 Sep 29 '25
I breastfed my first for 3 years. It wasn't the plan but it ended up being like that. And from around 6 months, I'd get comments on when I would stop, why wouldn't I just give her regular milk, that it was weird that she still breastfed at 2 years old. I remember being told by a nurse to breastfeed in a more discreet area when I was breastfeeding my then 2 year old while waiting in a hospital. In the end we'd only breastfeed at home because I felt so uncomfortable feeding her in public. Breastfeeding rates in North America, parts of Europe and Australia are actually really low. Most people formula feed. I'm breastfeeding my second, but contemplating switching to formula. It doesn't matter what you do as a mum, you'll get judged no matter what.
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u/ladylou55 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
I EBF my 1st and combi fed my 2nd (work reasons) and I would never Diss a mother for FF. I would also support a BF mamma if she needed the support, cause it's bloody hard work!
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u/yougottabkittenmern Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
Not sure. The natural thing seems to be heavily pushed. Not only with breastfeeding too. Every time I share my positive experience with elective c section or opinion on the right to choose an elective C I get angry replies from other moms saying it’s soo wrong and nature intended us to give birth naturally. My argument is why didn’t God also create formula and c section so women had choices? As you said I think it’s some sort of trauma they went through now everyone else has to go through it. Nobody ever tells them they shouldn’t breastfeed but the other way around is totally fine. I think I’m the #1 enemy mom since I’m not only an elective c section mom but also a formula feeder from birth.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
I had a c section too (wasn’t elective, but I’ll have an elective one next time). Immediately chose to formula feed in the hospital after having surgery so I could heal my body. The MAHA/crunchy moms probably think I’m a radioactive autism machine.
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u/Ripe-Tomat0 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
Girl you and me both😂😭 I called OBs and asked “do you do elective c sections” until I found one that did. I ended up needing one anyways but I don’t care. I didn’t want to go through labor and tearing and pain. Same with breastfeeding- I didn’t want to go through that hassle and risk all that turmoil😳 for me I took the “easy way out” & I would do it again 🤷♀️
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u/JettaBoobaby Sep 29 '25
It’s insane ! I did genuinely (maybe from just outside guilt ) want to try and breast feed with my first just because it’s the “right thing to do” and I ended up not being able to and i had a lot of trauma with the bs the lactation consultant I was assigned so it burned a bridge for me . Fast forward to my 2nd kid three years later and I just knew that for our life style it was still best for our family to do formula plus I know the drill with that routine . The new hospital was fantastic and the nurse asked “are you planning to breastfeed ?” And I immediately felt like I should have to plea my case as to why I’m going to be a “bad formula feeding mom” but she immediately was like “stop. Don’t explain why to me. That’s what YOU want to do so that’s what we’re doing because YOU are the mom . That baby is eating and that’s what I want to hear . “ and reassured me that there would be no further push for breast feeding unless I showed interest . It just takes one kind person I guess :)
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u/persephonenyc Sep 29 '25
I recently asked my therapist if there was a formula feeding support group because there seems to be a million and one breastfeeding groups. And she was like “actually I don’t know of a single one”. I feel judged everyday even by my friends. Two of them EBF their kids until they were like 2-3. They both complained about mastitis and sore nipples and how awful it was for their mental health but insisted it was “the best thing in the world”. When I expressed I would formula feed, the judgement that crossed their faces was insane. Like “I need to do this for my mental health and so many other reasons”. It’s a strange superiority complex, and trying to make themselves feel better, while making you feel worse.
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u/flowerbean21 Sep 29 '25
I think they think we took the “easy way out,” and they want to make us feel inferior because we are happy, well rested, and present. At least, imo. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Ripe-Tomat0 Sep 29 '25
This is 100% it. I think it’s really hard when they’ve gone through so much physical turmoil and sleep deprivation and strain to see formula fed babies doing just as well or better. They have to tell themselves they’re doing something better by making us feel inferior.
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u/Comfortable-Fly-8099 Sep 29 '25
Because they don’t have anything else that’s exciting or achievement worthy going on in their lives…. Because their husbands aren’t helping or giving them attention… Those moms are sad…
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Sep 29 '25
I just spoke with someone the other day who EBF multiple children who told me she barely left the house for years. And that she hated that but her kids wouldn’t take bottles. I know that’s not the case for everyone but I just can’t imagine my motherhood looking that way. It made me so sad for her.
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u/Roseyland2000 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
As someone who combo feeds I don’t associate with the crazed breastfeeding agenda. Because well I really don’t understand we are all just nourishing our children. I couldn’t care less if it’s from formula or breast milk
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u/saraisonfire Sep 29 '25
Bc many people who have no maturity put others down in order to feel good about themselves. Why do ppl care if you BF or give your child formula if your child is healthy & thriving?
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u/Chobani-yo Sep 29 '25
i breastfed bc the cost of formula. Now i combo feed b/c I'm trying to wean off. I've never judged someone for formula feeding. If i could afford it, i would've done it.
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u/GodsWarrior89 Sep 29 '25
When I had my daughter, I tried to breast feed at the hospital and she choked! She was turning purple & I got super scared. I tried again but she was only five pounds and six ounces so we decided to do formula. Yes, I felt extremely guilty and my family was supportive as well as my in laws. However, I had some people ask me if I was BF and I said no and they would tell my mom I hoped I was. Made me feel bad about myself as a mother but my daughter is a beautiful, happy, and healthy baby!
Also, I have PCOS so I didn’t produce a lot of milk! People don’t think about that either.
Edit: typo
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u/eggplantruler Sep 29 '25
I had no idea about the PCOS thing! My milk literally never came in. I tried to bf a few times but between an emergency c section, NICU stay, PCOS and preeclampsia it didn’t work out.
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u/Visual-Camera2377 Sep 29 '25
as a mom who currently combo feeds.I swear my baby reacts better to formula than my own breastmilk😂🫶🏻😅 there’s so much pressure on women as it is. It’s so stupid that breast is best is even a statement.
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u/20-percent-success Sep 29 '25
I've EFF all 3 of mine. I was EFF as a baby - and I wasn't even on regular formula. It was some type of soy or something. I have a master's degree in human resource management. How many of those EBF mom's who bully others can say the same? Probably not many, because I've found the more educated and intelligent someone is, the easier it is for them to use critical thinking and logic. Those are two skills that the bullying EBF mom's lack because the proof is in front of them that FED IS BEST - and our babies don't need vitamin D drops 💁🏻♀️
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u/catleaf94 Sep 29 '25
It feels to me like it’s part of a broader trend of naturality/hyper-attachment parenting which clearly glamorizes sacrificial motherhood. It’s like you MUST breastfeed exclusively on demand until forever, and babywear 24/7 and co-sleep, and respond to every little whimper, and later it evolves to removing all frustrations for your kid, and being so calm and patient through every tantrum and never saying no and no time-outs, and never sleep-train because it’ll damage them and you should also just accept crappy sleep until they’re like 7 apparently? Ugh I could go on and on with how many problematic related trends I’m seeing all over social media where you as a parent are expected to suffer through situations, as if you’ll be rewarded with a “perfect & better than everyone parent with the best attachment” medal at the end. And if it’s not working for you: how dare you be so selfish, you didn’t try hard enough, guess you don’t want what’s best for your child… etc. I actually wonder why this stuff is gaining so much momentum with our generation, are we overcompensating for something?
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Sep 29 '25
Yes!! Also, where the hell is the gray area? I formula feed but didn’t sleep train, my baby sleeps in his own room and no co-sleeping, I buy some jarred foods but make some homemade, I let him fuss but not cry, I baby wear sometimes… everything is so absolute and if you don’t do it 100% your child won’t be attached to you. Meanwhile, there is nothing worse for a child than a parent who is so worn down that they lose their patience and compassion. It’s so toxic 😭
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u/Key_Huckleberry_3259 Sep 29 '25
I also see very defensive formula feeders on breastfeeding posts instantly taking things personally. It goes both ways 100%
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
Well, probably because the breastfeeding posts we see are telling us that formula is essentially going to kill our babies and we are selfish, horrible moms for it. I’d get defensive too.
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u/Key_Huckleberry_3259 Sep 29 '25
I see lots of bf posts, none of them suggest that. They talk about the benefits of breastmilk but I don't see that. Sorry you have to see that, I'd report them personally
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
Honestly, I like seeing them as a reminder that I made the right decision in formula feeding my baby.
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u/lookitsly Sep 30 '25
So it’s for your insecurities of mom guilt? Don’t need to bring down the breastfeeding community. You can simply leave that out.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 30 '25
I don’t think I’ve brought down the breastfeeding community by opening up a conversation about the negative behavior of many natural parenting/bf creators posting content online.
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u/lookitsly Sep 30 '25
Honestly, I’ve noticed more negative comments toward breastfeeding in this group than breastfeeding group toward formula feeding. Many moms don’t produce enough milk in the beginning and may need to supplement or combo feed. Referring to the ‘breastfeeding community’ as ‘insane’ can come across as hurtful. It might be best to simply leave that part out without mentioning it.
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u/lookitsly Sep 29 '25
One time, a mom went off on me, saying I was making her feel guilty, and all I said was, “Sorry, I’m not sure about formula. I breastfeed.” I have two best friends with babies the same age as my 4-month-old daughter, and they both formula-feed. I fully support them. Being a mom is already hard enough. we all just want what’s best for our little ones. To me, as long as our babies are fed, growing, and loved, that’s what truly matters. Motherhood looks different for each of us, and that’s okay. There’s no “right” way, and absolutely no judgment here. We all are doing amazing. 💖
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
Saying “I’m not sure about formula” would make me feel bad too.. Can’t just say you breastfeed without knocking formula?
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u/lookitsly Sep 30 '25
I’m going to wrap up with this post and move forward. I don’t understand why some women feel the need to bring others down. Whether it’s breastfeeding or formula, what truly matters is that our babies are fed and loved. Both come with their own mental challenges. With breastfeeding, there can be struggles when milk supply is low and the baby depends entirely on mom. I’ve also heard from friends who formula-feed that they sometimes carry feelings of guilt. Either way, this journey isn’t easy. Do whatever works best for you and your family. Wishing everyone a wonderful rest of the week. 💕
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u/lookitsly Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
Let’s take a step back here. In context, she asked which formula I am using since I was bottle feeding my little one. I actually pump, and it takes so much out of me mentally and physically. Living in California with the cost of living being so high, breastfeeding makes sense for our family. I feel like people need to be kind to every mom. Some days I honestly wish I could just be a guy and a father, because being a mom is tough. It’s not easy, and it feels like no matter what, we’re judged. I don’t care what choices other moms make. we’re all just trying to survive and do what’s best.
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u/Key_Huckleberry_3259 Sep 29 '25
Why would that make you feel bad, she's not sure about it as in.. doesn't know. You're seeing judgement where there is none ❤️
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u/lookitsly Sep 29 '25
Exact point you’re making, it goes both ways. Our comments are getting downvoted when we didn’t say anything judgmental.
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u/Ok-Indication-3823 Sep 30 '25
This. You literally can't say anything about breastfeeding or you'll get downvoted.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 30 '25
This is a space for formula feeders
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u/Ok-Indication-3823 Sep 30 '25
You made a post saying the breastfeeding community was insane. TBH after reading some of the comments written on here, we could definitely say the FF community is indeed...insane too
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u/Ok-Indication-3823 Sep 30 '25
You mean this is a space for formula feeders to b*tch about breastfeeding.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 30 '25
There’s plenty to discuss when it comes to the stuff we see online from the natural parenting/BF community. I hope your defensiveness is not an indicator that you are unhappy breastfeeding. I wish you the very best in your feeding journey.
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u/Ok-Indication-3823 Sep 30 '25
Yes, but can FF discussion happen here without b*tching constantly about BF? Isn't this a FF support community? Why am I reading so many negative comments about breastfeeding mums?
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u/Key_Huckleberry_3259 Sep 29 '25
99% of people really don't care! I think some formula feeders take things very personally as they already feel on the back foot a bit. Just my experience.
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u/lookitsly Sep 29 '25
I’m really not sure. Motherhood isn’t easy, and that’s okay. What matters is that we support one another and do what feels right for our little ones.
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u/Western-Artist7019 Sep 30 '25
Really? Because I could say the same about the formula feeders community. I came here to look for formula recommendations from other moms because I stopped producing enough breastmilk after returning to work full time. The amount of unwarranted attacks and diminishing the effort towards breastfeeding moms is insane. Comments like calling donor breastmilk disgusting bodily fluids and how formula is so much better. And these comments getting upvotes. It reeks of insecurity.
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u/justbecausejj Sep 30 '25
I have to agree with you. It's not cool that EFF moms are attacked by some in the EBF community, but it's totally unnecessary and uncalled for the amount of comments in this thread diminishing the effort towards breastfeeding.
I started out EBF, but my baby had trouble latching, so after the first month I switched to exclusively pumping and bottle feeding my baby my milk. I'm still exclusively pumping at 3.5 months. So I guess I get attacks from both sides of the discussion - EBF moms saying that I don't count as EBF because I'm pumping instead of breastfeeding directly - and EFF moms saying all the extra effort I put in makes no difference.
I saw one commenter say that breastmilk isn't super magical juice because for babies eating either way, the academic and growth/ milestone outcomes are the same, and the breastfeeding community "hates to admit that" - implying that breastfeeding is therefore wasted effort because "there's no difference " in outcomes. She was demeaning breastmilk and the effort of BF to make herself feel better about feeding formula! It's the reverse side of the coin and it's equally hurtful to imply all this effort is wasted. Not to mention she is disregarding there are benefits to BF and we don't do it for no reason - the antibodies are the main reason I've stuck it out despite the difficulties because I'm afraid of cold and flu season approaching.
There's just no need to shame or demean regardless of method of feeding. Every mom should do what's best for herself and her baby.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 30 '25 edited Sep 30 '25
Neither formula or breast milk are magical juices. All fed babies are fed. A lot more than feeding styles as infants go into a happy and healthy kid. In the long run, it doesn’t matter which feeding route you choose. There’s no difference.
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u/mixedberrycoughdrop Sep 30 '25 edited Oct 03 '25
As long as you have your eyes open about how the IgA antibodies actually work, because there’s a lot of misinformation out there, then go for it!
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Sep 29 '25
I honestly think a lot of it is hormones. When I was BF I felt like the hormones and the thoughts about feeding and my entire day revolving around feeding was so all-consuming. Literally nothing else mattered. Latch, supply, pump, timing… it was just rinse repeat all day and night.
I’m sure a lot of it was because I struggled with it and I’m sure people who BF easily once they’re out of the initial couple months don’t give it as much of a thought. But for me personally it wasn’t until my milk dried up and I got my period back that I was like oh, right, there is life outside of this feeding bubble from hell…
So that plus sleep deprivation plus extended periods of time of your body not belonging to you is sure to make someone post something that is unhinged.
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u/Ripe-Tomat0 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
I am in this same boat. Literally a mom in my group said formula was going so much better for her baby and I gave her some research showing the breast milk is not this magical thing and if formula works better for her baby’s tummy then there is no shame in switching. And a girl commented saying “stop being a critic, breast milk is best” like girlie pop no. She literally just said her baby is fussy and gassy and constipated with breast milk
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u/AnxiousTalker18 Sep 29 '25
I wonder this all the time. I EFF my first and am EFF my second now. My oldest is advanced in milestones according to her doctor 🤷🏻♀️ my second is hitting all her milestones exactly when my first did. My oldest has had a few colds in her life but otherwise is very healthy- hell I had the flu once and she didn’t even catch it. it’s like these people don’t know that genetics and environment play into things. I’m sooo grateful for formula and that I never had to endure what these women say is so beautiful 😵💫 I just watched my sister go through it to the point of being suicidal and I genuinely didn’t understand why she would not stop. I don’t care how a baby is fed as long as they’re fed but I know myself and know how bad it would’ve been for me personally.
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u/Acrobatic_hero Sep 29 '25
As someone who had to mix feed. Both sides have horrible people. So many pages that talk about the benefits of breastfeeding have formula mothers giving them crap. How about each side stays out of the way of the other side.
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u/VersusVII Sep 29 '25
Because the bigger scientists said that breast milk is the best for baby in his first year. Or until 6 months. They write it everywhere, even on the formula box. And now everyone expects moms to breastfeed on demand. Talking with other moms in my group, we all felt pressured to be breastfeeding in our hospital stays. I felt that nurses were more interested in seeing baby latched than if he was actually getting milk when baby was born. He screamed like an eagle, my milk supply started after 2 days. Baby was basically starving and mad for this (he lost a lot of weight). I had baby constantly latched or he was in screaming mode, every time I pointed out this "he need comfort, you have to latch him to stimulate milk! It's normal!". It wasn't and since then baby screams all his lungs out when hungry/angry. I combo fed because I wanted to breastfeed but I felt no help when I decided to have a bit of relief using formula. After 2 months I went full formula
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u/Environmental_Buy947 Sep 29 '25
I had the support and I was an oversupplier but I was feeling depressed so you know what… I stopped and I’m happy and baby’s is still happy. That’s all that matters. Some moms are annoying when it comes to that. Regardless of what you choose as a mom, the baby can still catch a cold and not meet milestones. We are all doing our best and just trying to stay sane
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u/Repulsive-Tea-9641 Sep 29 '25
Because it’s so damn hard and they like to pretend it’s easy. They need to be like that to keep going on their “feeding journey”
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u/Overall_Strength5972 Sep 30 '25
When I became a mother, I was so so surprised at the amount of shame put on each other by other mothers-- and fathers too sometimes. So many women are so insecure in their own choices as parents that they feel the need to belittle others who make different choices. I chose to breastfeed but going into it the first time, had no idea how much work it would be and to top it all off, my insurance issued pump didn't work! I struggled so bad the first two weeks and my baby was losing a lot of weight-- I ended up formula feeding and pumping. Then one day she latched and we breastfed for 3 years. BUT I still used formula to supplement mainly because I thought it was good in case my supply couldn't keep up and I liked the idea of her getting used to a bottle for daycare anyways. And it helped that my husband could step in and feed. I chose to do the same with my second baby who is currently almost 6 months. I like doing both formula and breastmilk because it takes the pressure off of me but I still enjoy breastfeeding. I feel like doing both is never talked about too.
Anyways, just here to say that you do you. I teach high schoolers and can guarantee you wouldn't be able to pick out the kids who were formula fed vs. breastfed. There are a million other factors that go into human development and having a happy mother is one of the best factors you can give to the equation of parenthood.
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u/PinkPanda00- Sep 30 '25
Idk this probably doesn’t answer your question and more of a vent but…Honestly I used to think breast feeding moms have it hard and but some formula moms have it hard! my son absolutely does not want to eat he literally puts up the biggest fight every time we to to eat and I am constantly monitoring and obsessing making sure he gets enough because he was and is low percentile it’s constant rotation of trying to get me eat him not eating his bottle and putting the bottle back on the warmer letting him reset and try again before the bottle goes bad. It’s been a nightmare. I think some moms just think they are better because they breast feed
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 30 '25
Being a mom is hard in general. I’m glad I’m able to be present for my baby since I’m formula feeding and allowed my body space and time to recover.
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u/GodsWarrior89 Sep 30 '25
I had an emergency c-section as well! I heard about the milk supply before or lack of. Don’t let people get you down. I hope you & your baby are thriving now ❤️💕
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 30 '25
Strangely my milk came in quickly and it seemed like I would have had a good supply, it took forever to dry them up! I decided to formula feed after the surgery to ensure I could heal, very happy with my decision — don’t feel bad for me!!! 🩷
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u/OhwellBish Sep 30 '25 edited Sep 30 '25
Because they need someone else to validate their labor. A healthy baby is not its own reward for them.
Hardliners and bullies also need the illusion of control. Fed is best isn't good enough because they can't deal with the reality that a huge portion of a child's outcomes were already decided before they were born and will be influenced by many other things outside of them after. You will not be able to examine two grown adults or even children and determine which one was breast or formula fed. It has a marginal impact at best.
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u/deetailor Sep 30 '25
I’ve discovered in my adult life that like 90% of people don’t actually have a personality. So they can’t identify with the things they ARE and instead must identify with the things they DO— whether it’s their job, their workout routine, their MLM, their feeding route… you name it.
And if you are one of those people, and observe that others can be full people without some chosen activity, that’s probably intimidating. So they double down.
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u/ola_slow Sep 30 '25
I dedicated extensive effort, time and money to try exclusive breastfeed my first baby. I was told by my specialised and expensive midwife/s that every women produce the amount of milk her baby needed. My baby ended up dehydrated and losing weight and I ended up with a level of stress, guiltiness and sadness that I don’t deserve to my worst enemy. I was not at all the best mum I could have been mainly due to this. I’m pregnant again and already had selected my formula and bottles :) if I can do mix great, If not fully formula since the beginning. I will never put myself again in the same situation.
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u/Scared_Cheetah_8198 Sep 30 '25
Exclusive formula feeder. I tried BF and for me, it was a sensory nightmare. Come to find out I’m massively neurodivergent. I’m also a total monster without 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep so I love having the ability to let my husband handle night feedings since he can thrive on 4-6 hours. However, My honest thought process goes something like this; Many (not all) get sucked into pseudo science. I’ve seen posts where they’re scared about supply drop (a total valid, logical concern) and they would rather have their babies on raw cows milk because they’re so terrified of the seed oils in formula because “seed oil bad” they don’t fully see the whole picture, and lack critical thinking and logic just like they squawk about “baby foods bad” because of the arsenic and lead in baby food not understanding that soil naturally has those chemicals in it so of course it’s going to contain some. Society is really failing in the critical thinking department in general. I also think it’s straight up jealousy on some of their parts because they can’tafford formula and have partners who are less than ideal that pressure them into breastfeeding because they’re not financially stable.
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u/pinesol_junkie Sep 30 '25
No idea. The infant mortality rate dropped significantly after formula got invented. People romanticize "natural" everything without realizing how hard life used to be.
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u/Bramble3713 Sep 30 '25
We're not all crazy I promise... I combo fed in the beginning, which is why I am in this sub, and we will still use formula once in a while - case in point - I am back at work, some of the milk stash I created didn't freeze at the correct temperature so we had to trash it, bub got formula for a day while I was at work pumping for the next day. You have to do what works for you, and if EFF is it, then there is nothing wrong with that. I think the EBF ladies get a little cuckoo because of how exhausting it can be, how brutal it can be on your yiddies and your mental health and also possibly because they may need something to make them feel justified in their sacrifice! Breastfeeding is beautifully brutal and I keep likening it to MMA - wrestling a sweaty little opponent while you yourself are sweaty and possibly covered in milk and other things. I detest that the biggest bullies of moms is other moms making judgements on all of the millions of little decisions we have to make in the best interest of our littles. I applaud you for EFF if it makes you the best mom you can be, fully present, recovered and well rested. Not everyone's journey into motherhood will look the same and we need to stop pretending it's a one size fits all.
So on behalf of the not-batshit-crazy breastfeeders out there, I apologize for the ones that think just because they're suffering through it that you should too!
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u/Octopus1027 Sep 30 '25
The internet does shove the most polarizing content to the front. I've found that my moms friends in real life have been super supportive and nonjudgemental.
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u/Past-Satisfaction672 Sep 30 '25
it has nothing to do with breastfeeding and everything to do with people who feel the need to one-up EVERY other person. I formula fed my first baby and breast fed my second. Guess what.. someone will ALWAYS have something to say no matter what you do, so do what is best for you and your family ❤️
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u/Consistent-Creme3956 Oct 01 '25
As someone who breastfed my first and exclusively pumps with my current LO and who has donated over 2k oz to other moms this go round, I will say this post is a little disappointing. I empathize with you and it’s unfortunate that others made you feel that way, but reading this post it seems as if you’re the aggressor & even admitting to judging those who breastfeed ☹️ & put us all in a box. Kinda ironic!
While breastmilk is natural and thought to be the “gold standard,” I truly believe that fed is best. Every mama should do what feels best for them without judgement. Postpartum is hard enough!
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u/Killer-Queen9 Oct 01 '25
please find some content on social media that actively attacks breast feeders — there is none that I’ve seen. However, it’s pretty easy to find content attacking formula feeding. This post is about that community. If you’re not contributing to anti-formula rhetoric, we’re all good. Even just this post has compelled many breast feeders to come on here and essentially say ‘BUT I BREASTFEED!!!! WHAT ABOUT ME AND MY SACRIFICE AND SUFFERING!!’ This is the aggression I was referring to in my original post.
Also, the laughing emoji after my “judging those who breastfeed” statement indicates that it was simply a ~joke~. There is no difference between formula or breastmilk for the baby, important thing is that they’re fed, happy, and growing.
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u/Consistent-Creme3956 Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
Again, your tone even responding to me is aggressive. Do I see people who say negative things about women who breastfeed? Surprisingly yes lol but I just look past it honestly. Do I see women being critical of women who don’t breastfeed? Yes! I see those too & it honestly disheartens me, because like I said pregnancy and postpartum are hard enough. But I’m not seeking out negative content…maybe you should overlook those women too.
However, when I come on here I usually see a mom wanting encouragement or just simply needing praise or comfort ..which I was still prepared to do here, but as I continued to read it (your post) just came off very bitter, like the very people you’re criticizing. The only people agreeing with you clearly have the same negative attitude. I don’t have a side. & there IS a difference between the two. BUT you’re right a baby being fed & thriving is what is most important.
Sorry that people are talking their sacrifice and suffering under your post…I didn’t see it but maybe I didn’t read far enough. That’s not everyone’s experience either. I was just trying to give you another perspective…anyhow. Glad your journey is working out for you, because it was what was best for you. Have the day you deserve. 💕
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u/Adhdgirlygirlnurse Oct 01 '25
Because breastfeeding makes you insane…I did 4 weeks of it and can confirm 😂😅
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u/maddierox89 Oct 01 '25
Girl don’t let them drag you down. I had to swim my way out of that hole not being able to BF twins (FTM). Now I actually do not gaf 😂 my babies are thriving and guess what? No one is gonna know if they were BF or FF when they’re older lol. Misery loves company, I think that’s why they do it.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
Exactly. The ‘I have to suffer and that means I’m a better mom than you!!’ is very much so giving misery loves company
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u/maddierox89 Oct 01 '25
It’s the same mentality as moms who think they should get to cut lines because they have kids. Excuse me, all of these things are choices, including your Starbucks addiction, ma’am 😆
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u/Capri1329 Oct 01 '25
My name is Areli and I do both! 😆 I exclusively BF my 1st and I kid you not she was still waking up once a night even after she turned a year and was drinking regular milk. I was 25 only had 1 child so obviously it was easier. My 2nd I breastfed her for like 2 months and just started giving her formula, my oldest was starting kindergarten and it was hard for me to be always stuck to the boob or outlet. She was sleeping through the night at 2 months so my milk went down cause I chose to sleep instead of pumping, lol anways they are now 9 and 4, I am now on my 3rd baby, he's 8 weeks old and I do BOTH! Yes I do hear people judge because I choose to do both but so what its my baby and he is happy and growing, I obviously offer the breast first and then top up, never hsd an issue I just decided to do ot because no way I was going to stay up all night breastfeeding when I have 2 other kids to take care of. Im happy and dont worry about it. :)
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u/Designer-Swan-3687 Oct 01 '25
Because misery loves company..
They’re vicious for literally nothing. I don’t understand it either.
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u/little-germs Oct 01 '25
Loud people can evangelize anything. Most bf moms DGAF. I think our internal voice may also be a bit of a bully. The reality is, almost no one cares how you feed your baby. If they do, oh well!
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u/macdanners Oct 02 '25 edited Oct 02 '25
I really really wanted to breastfeed and it never happened. I chose to pump and tried to exclusively pump but always had ready to feed at the ready, which was often enough. I always said my body is not a temple or anything and there is nothing wrong with formula. It's regulated and I'm in Canada. It's great! I just liked the ideal convenience of breastfeeding (which pumping is NOTHING like). I still get emotional about not being able to directly breastfeed but I'm really grateful to have formula available. When he started solids I offered the powder formula as well because my production just tanked, and it took a lot of pressure off since it's so much cheaper and we were out of the 3 month sanitation window anyway so it seemed easy enough. I was no longer being chased by my son's cries for milk I had to pump on demand. I just quickly made up a bottle and pumped while he drank it. Easy!
I can't fully explain to pro-formula feeders why breastfeeding was so crucial for me to attempt but I can totally explain to exclusive breast feeders why I introduced formula. It started with reading that horrific article about the baby that died of dehydration in his first week of life because the mother was bullied into breast is best. I was determined to follow with the bottle from the start. I was not going to let my vanity project overthrow the wellbeing of my son. It made it quite simple. Life and death risks. It sucked the air right out of my dilemma
Not to mention, watching children die of starvation on my live instagram feed has really underlined how stupid it is for anyone in western countries to be arguing about what food is best. Fed is best. All children deserve food. Unless you are oppressed by the system limiting your food, what are you complaining about? How lucky are we to have choices, and lactation consultants, and healthcare, and formula discount coupons, and baby brezzas, and drinking water treatment facilities. Not everyone has access to healthy breast milk production or clean formula, and that goes for people threatened with genocide but also poor people in our own western countries, too. Free Palestine. Healthcare for all.
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Oct 02 '25
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u/othgg Oct 02 '25
That’s not what she meant — she meant that SHE is a better mom as a formula feeder than SHE would be as a breastfeeding mom. She was isolating her own experience. Like saying “I’m a better mom when I have some time to myself during the week.”
She wasn’t trying to say she was a better mother than mothers who breastfeed.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Oct 09 '25
This is correct. Sorry for anyone who misunderstood! This statement was speaking to my personal journey.
1
u/Happy_Doughnut_1 Oct 03 '25
If you find out tell me. I tried, I really tried but my boobs didn‘t cooperate. Neither did my baby’s reflux.
1
u/AcademicRaisin Oct 04 '25
Lol as someone who has breastfed all three, it’s got to be to mask the misery bc it’s the fucking worst. I did it for my first bc he was the first one and the lactation consultants ram it into your brain that anything bottle-shaped is basically the devil. Then when my second came I did it for her bc I had weird guilt about doing it for one and not the other. Then the same with my third, he couldn’t be the only one I didn’t do it for blah blah. And each time I look at the formula feeders and I’m just like “it must be amazing to have your hormones go back to normal sooner” and be able to go to bed earlier if you can bc you aren’t at the mercy of emptying your boobs.
But at the end of the day a good majority of women are nasty lol. Always have to find a reason why they’re better than someone else. One million percent stemming from their own motherhood insecurities. Bc as a member of the BF community (tho I pump so it probably doesn’t count to the real hardcore ones), I’m here to tell you it sucks ass 😬
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u/Unable_Huckleberry_3 Oct 04 '25
First time mom here. LO is four weeks old and EFF. Please tell me your secrets. How are you Well rested? It feels like I will be this tired forever. Also, thank you for helping my perspective because those breastfeeders really work hard to guilt us!
1
u/Killer-Queen9 Oct 09 '25
We are lucky that we have a baby who likes to sleep. She’s about 3 months now and we’ve gotten her on a pretty solid schedule, once she got back up to her birth weight we let her sleep through the night instead of waking up to feed.
1
u/rivaldad Oct 27 '25
A lot of people I know are only EBF because of pressure from their providers, partners and family members. I know I’ve been getting guilted left and right and I’m making my own plans without really telling anyone what I’m thinking because otherwise they somehow just feel very free to offer (rather impose) their opinions about a baby they’re not giving birth to. So if someone ends up BF for that long and unwillingly they either have to accept they’re an unwilling dairy cow and build resentment OR they have to psychologically trick or Stockholm syndrome themselves into thinking it’s all for some greater good
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u/Penguin-1972 Jan 19 '26
Super late to this thread but here's my perspective as a brand new mom raised in an anti-vaxxer Evangelical environment. I think it's an intense over-correction from the medicalization of birth + women entering the workforce that happened throughout the 1900s.
My mother was what you'd consider "crunchy" in the 80s and 90s and she described similar challenges back then trying to be a breastfeeding mom who did "natural" births - hospitalized but no pain meds. Parents, coworkers and doctors were grossed out and unsupportive of breastfeeding. La Leche League existed to get support with latching and milk production, but lactation consultants weren't readily accessible and breast pump technology was nowhere near what it is today.
Women who chose to breastfeed felt isolated, judged and unsupported. Combine that with the boilerplate desire for mothers to self martyr and demean other parenting choices than their own, and they all got in their groups and mommy blogs and convinced themselves of increasingly outrageous reasons for why breastfeeding was THE BEST.
Then the purity testing (that all parents tend to do to each other) began and it quickly spiraled. Who could breastfeed the longest? Who was not only not vaccinating their children, but weren't vaccinated themselves so that the milk was MOST NATURAL or whatever. Who had the best herb or supplement to produce more milk?
In the end, the breastfeeding advocates have gone so hard that now they treat non-breastfeeders the same or worse than their predecessors from the 80s were treated. It's just a cycle.
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u/violetphoeniiix Sep 29 '25
pretty sure it’s like what you guessed, superiority to justify the suffering .. ngl I used to be judgey before I had my baby and they were solely on formula before my milk came in, we still combo feed now. I just didn’t understand before I was there. I genuinely thought breastfeeding was superior but now I understand a healthy, happy, and present momma is superior, however that is achieved.
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u/Shnoopydoop Sep 29 '25
Ugh yeah I don’t get that mentality at all. I struggled sooo bad with breasteeding/pumping for my daughter until she was 4 months. Then I switched to EFF. The ONLY reason anyone should breastfeed is because they want to. It’s so fucking hard (sometimes) and formula is legit wonderful and so good for babies. I just simply loved nursing my baby BUT if I didn’t, I wouldn’t think twice about formula. And who the fuckkkk cares about someone whether or not someone is breastfeeding or giving formula, this isn’t the feeding Olympics.
1
u/WildFireSmores Sep 29 '25
I don’t know honestly.
Unfortunately it’s not the ones who are miserable who are judgy. It’s the ones who had it all just work out. Maybe a few bumps along the road but it worked and then they end up thinking oh well i pushed through why can’t Everyone’s else.
I have combo fed both my girls. No matter what i do i don’t make enough milk and without formula my girls would have starved. I am eternally grateful for it.
For some formula is not a choice
For others formula feeding makes them them best selves for their babies.
There’s a million reasons to formula feed and they’re all valid. No one should be judging each other for feeding their baby
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u/Available_Bid2454 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
I think some women can be bullies on both sides which is infuriating.
I’ve gotten more gruff for breastfeeding than I would’ve gotten had I chosen to formula feed, but that’s just my personal experience! As a EBF mom I’ve felt judged and unsupported by the formula community. I think there’s shitty people on both sides.
Baby is happy, mom is happy, that’s all that matters. Anyone who says anything different can get fucked :)
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Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
I think OP is referring to posts that literally say (and quoting something I saw yesterday) that formula is the equivalent to raising a baby on McDonald’s.
Formula feeders might defend themselves when they see shit like this, and maybe say some hurtful things in response (which is uncalled for), but I have never, ever once seen a post on IG or a reel or anything from a formula feeder going after breastfeeding being a waste of time/energy.
Purposefully sitting there and saying, let me post some inflammatory, inaccurate BS for the sole purpose of tearing another mom down under the guise of “raising awareness” just to make myself feel better is wild.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
This is exactly the type of content I was referring to. And hell yeah I’m gonna get defensive if someone tells me I’m doing wrong by my child for not breastfeeding.
0
u/Available_Bid2454 Sep 29 '25
Absolutely! It’s sad moms feel they have to tear down other moms to feel better about their choices.
There’s so many hurtful things online. The audacity of women who make posts like that is beyond me. Unfortunately the people with the loudest voices are never the most reasonable.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
Here’s a cookie
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u/Key_Huckleberry_3259 Sep 29 '25
You've written a post about bf people being rude but you are coming off as quite the bully yourself. Id check yourself. Congrats on ff.. no one cares here, but don't make rude comments about bf because you are looking like the problem!
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u/Available_Bid2454 Sep 29 '25
Is it oatmeal chocolate chip? Because that’s my favorite!! :)
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
In all seriousness though, your comment is proving my point. I was asking the formula feeding community why they think the breastfeeding community is so intense, and you come on here to make sure we all know you are breastfeeding. It’s fascinating.
2
u/Ripe-Tomat0 Sep 29 '25
I agree this proves the point. BF moms never get told they’re doing something detrimental or harmful to their baby. Formula moms are always being compared to giving their baby junk or fast food etc etc etc. BF moms don’t get anywhere near as much slack. Hospitals, healthcare professionals, society, moms group etc all praise moms that BF in any capacity and treat formula feeding moms as if we’ve compromised our babies. It’s laughable to even compare the treatment of the two. Just my opinion 😂
0
u/Available_Bid2454 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
I appreciate your candor and I’m sorry if I came off as insensitive or tone deaf! I think you’re looking for some validation instead of an understanding? Edit: validation on being upset with the breastfeeding community Which makes sense because some in the breastfeeding community are horrible to other moms and it IS disgusting behavior.
This just popped up in my feed and I saw a lot of people shitting on breastfeeding moms saying they’re self righteous, miserable, desperate their sacrifice means something. It’s was hard to see. It’s just moms tearing down other moms, doing the same exact thing they’re complaining about.
I was attempting to point out formula moms aren’t the only ones who get shit for their choices. It’s a universal experience. It doesn’t invalidate your experience at all! Being upset seeing “breast is best!” Is rational I’m sure it gets exhausting seeing it everywhere.
Most moms couldn’t give a shit less how you want to feed your kid. I haven’t met one BF mom who feels like formula is horrible. Unfortunately online, it’s not the most rational people who are the loudest.
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u/Killer-Queen9 Sep 29 '25
The only validation I need is the okay from my doctor that baby is happy and healthy. I chose to formula feed from the start because I wanted to. Truly, I am just curious as to why the BF community is so passionate and intense. There’s so much content from the community online and you don’t see much at all from FF moms.
1
u/Available_Bid2454 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
Honestly, I think a lot of the noise online is from influencers who literally do nothing except create content.
And unfortunately since they’re the ones making content that’s what you see online 🤷🏼♀️ For what it’s worth I have seen quite a few accounts start to pop up that really advocate for formula feeding which is awesome!
0
u/Bad_juju29 Sep 29 '25
Combo feeder on both platforms and just. I'm just happy my kid is eating 🤷🏽♀️
0
u/sloppysoupspincycle Sep 29 '25
As someone who wanted to breastfeed/combo feed and pumped like a crazy person to try and up my supply (spoiler- it didn’t work), I will say that breastfeeding and especially pumping is alot of work. I am totally supportive of women who are proud of themselves for their breastfeeding accomplishments. Now, if your pride starts to put down women who didn’t breastfeed for whatever reason, be it that they couldn’t or just didn’t want too, then you aren’t proud of yourself. You are just a self righteous twat.
It’s so easy to not be a dick when we are sharing stories of motherhood. There are so many supportive women who EBF and so many who aren’t and or act superior. I don’t know why someone chooses to be one of those moms, but I always just assume it’s because they are always second guessing their own choices and insecure in their motherhood journey.
Switching to EFF at 3 1/2 months saved my sanity, my sleep and gave me and my child so much more time together. I was so guilt ridden for a hot minute, but once I realized how much better things were for everyone in my household was, I realized how crazy it was that I felt so guilty!
0
u/sleepyb_spooky Oct 01 '25
Hey so that last bit is actually insane. You aren't better for choosing formula. Yes it is good that you chose formula for your mental and physical health, but that is absolutely insane. There are kind and happy breastfeeding moms out there who don't judge, and it is not kind to lob all breastfeeding mothers together. I breastfed for almost 2 months and was miserable because I already didn't have a great mental standing. Prolactin makes you more aggressive on top of everything. And the aggressiveness also stems from lack of support from family (spouses).
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
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u/yogipierogi5567 Oct 01 '25
Not OP but I’m pretty sure she meant she’s a better mom to her child for choosing formula, not that she’s better than breastfeeding moms. That sentiment is true for a lot of families for whom exclusive breastfeeding or pumping may not work.
2
u/Killer-Queen9 Oct 01 '25
This is correct — formula feeding has allowed me to be the best mom I can be to my child.
-1
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u/Beginning_Way9666 Sep 29 '25
Because the biggest bullies of moms are actually other moms. Sigh.