r/workingmoms • u/No-Can4638 • Oct 27 '25
Working Mom Success Working moms who have it semi-together, what are your routines/strategies/hacks?
I work part time, have one child (19m) and have a lot of privileges but I constantly feel overwhelmed (also have ADHD). Do you guys do one load of laundry a day, only do instant cart, have a set weekly menu ect? Tell me how to streamline my life so I can enjoy it, a little bit more. I have read all the life hack articles (thanks ADHD) but nothing seems to stick.
My husband works evenings so I am alone with LO pretty frequently. He is willing to help when he can but I think I need to give him more guidance on how he can make things easier for us.
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u/BrigidKemmerer WFH Mom of 3: 19, 14, and 12 Oct 27 '25
OK, something that I did not expect to help but DID was making a list on the fridge and doing a "15-minute-lookaround" every evening. Our whole family does it. We set a timer for 15 minutes, and we spend that time doing something to tidy the house. Having a list on the fridge is helpful because sometimes you look around and don't know where to start, and you can see "Wipe down kitchen counters" or "Wash out dog bowls" and be like, "OK, I'll start there." It seems so silly, but within a few days, I could not get over how tidy the house was. For the record, my kids are 18, 14, and 11, so I technically have a lot of help, but that stupid 15 minutes has been so effective that I genuinely think that even if it was just two of us with a baby it would help so much. I don't have laundry on here, but you could absolutely add "fold a load of laundry" or whatever. And your husband could also do his own 15 minutes at a different time of day.
(Here's my list if it's helpful. Feel free to copy and adapt: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rRk1HAuU0ASBxMmoKKpq_gOmmk_VFfH-NkMr3kO756k/edit?usp=sharing)
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u/meadowbunny713 Oct 27 '25
Kinda want to steal this but I also don't think my 7 week old is going to be willing to help
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u/pepperup22 1 preschooler Oct 27 '25
I didn't read at first and thought "this is totally old enough to help" then realized I'm an idiot 😂
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u/meadowbunny713 Oct 27 '25
You're not an idiot, he's just a slacker! I'll clean my house in 5-7 business years
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u/morange17 Oct 28 '25
Also want to steal this but know my 18mo will help too much. The girl LOVES unloading a knife from the dishwasher, even better if it's dirty. Should still come out. Nothing better than navigating a toddler wielding a dirty chicken knife awkwardly toddling and yelling "AWAY, MORE AWAY!"
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u/sassybrunette711 Oct 29 '25
lol I could have written this. my 19 month old can spot anything dangerous from a mile away while I am literally just turned around to rinse something hahaha. also does your child sound like a seagull off Finding Nemo as she yells "MORE" and aggressively signs it? This has been the most cute and wild stage yet, but lorddddd sometimes she is a tiny terrorist.
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u/pope_pancakes Oct 27 '25
Love the “look around!” I do a smaller version of this twice a day: Put Away 10 Things. Sometimes, I do Put Away 10 Things In This Room and do it for multiple rooms, but most days it’s 10 things in the morning and 10 in the evening.
Some days I get inspired and keep tidying after my requisite 10 things, but I’m allowed to stop once I reach 10.
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u/Ipreferagirlhero Oct 27 '25
Ummm this is genius!! Thank for you sharing your list - that’s a super helpful starting point. I think it would be so motivating to me and my kids that it’s JUST 15 minutes, and like you said, the element of choice. So smart!!
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u/BrigidKemmerer WFH Mom of 3: 19, 14, and 12 Oct 27 '25
It's been so fascinating! I was inspired by another mom who posted that every day they have one chore on their kids' chart that's "look for something that needs to be done." My kids don't like chore charts at all -- and we're terrible at enforcing them -- but I was like, "What if I just make a list of things they can do and set a timer?" I am shocked at how well it works! Truly, for all of us! There really is something motivating about knowing it's only 15 minutes. Like, you can vacuum a few rooms in 15 minutes, you can scrub a toilet in 15 minutes, you can fold a load of laundry, whatever. After a few days we were truly LOOKING for things to do. (And again, there are five of us, and the youngest is 11. So your mileage may vary here.)
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u/Fluid-Village-ahaha 7M/5M. Working my by choice Oct 27 '25
Thank you so much! I think it would be a great way to involve kids
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u/BrigidKemmerer WFH Mom of 3: 19, 14, and 12 Oct 27 '25
I honestly thought my kids would hate it, but they told me they like this better than a chore chart. I think there's something about everyone "working" at the same time, and having some agency to choose what they want to do.
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u/Fluid-Village-ahaha 7M/5M. Working my by choice Oct 27 '25
I think so; my oldest have some helping bursts but not consistent. It will encourage it and can be a good signal it's time to bed
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Oct 27 '25
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u/BrigidKemmerer WFH Mom of 3: 19, 14, and 12 Oct 27 '25
That is so weird. I can see that several people are viewing it now. But maybe it crashed since I didn't expect this much attention on it. Here's what's on it:
15 MINUTE LOOK-AROUND
Pick a task. If there is still time left, pick a new task.
Empty Lunch Boxes
Empty Dishwasher
Plug In Electronics
Dust one room
Vacuum one room
Tidy one room (put away what doesn’t belong)
Put away laundry
Fold couch blankets
Wash out dog bowls
Walk around house and gather all stray dishes
Walk around house and gather all stray trash
Wipe down baseboards in one room
Clean one set of sliding glass doors
Sweep back porch or front porch
Wipe down kitchen counters
Wipe down bathroom counters
Wipe down kitchen table
Wipe down doorknobs and door jambs
Check/empty trash cans
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u/Outrageous-Garlic-27 Oct 28 '25
That is helpful - I do something similar, except it is me who does the 15 min look around and tidy whilst my husband puts the toddler to bed.
Whilst I put the 4 month old to bed (a bit before), my husband makes our toddler tidy the toys away.
My 4 month old is also slacking.
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u/kbc87 Oct 27 '25
Well for one.. that last sentence should worry you. Your husband is also a grown adult and you two are partners in this. It should not be you guiding him on how to make life easier. You should be working together on a fair split of duties that you each do to make your lives run smoother. It shouldn't have to fall on you to just dole out tasks and guide him.
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u/No-Can4638 Oct 27 '25
I agree with this 100%! We are actually in marriage counseling and working on this. I do think he has a higher tolerance for clutter/chaos and trying to get him to change is unlikely. But he is very willing to outsource (and work extra hours to support that) An example is he is totally fine with just ordering take out for dinner but I would much rather us cook. So I'd like to have a plan of he cooks on Wednesday and we order take out on Friday or something like that. I have like 10 years of simmering division of labor resentments that I am trying to work through and move forward from 🫠
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u/Kkatiand Oct 27 '25
Maybe instead of takeout, get things like Costco premade meals?
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u/Even-Supermarket-806 Oct 28 '25
My husband also has a higher tolerance for clutter than me and doesn’t always “see” the mess. One thing that’s been helpful for us is to give him routine chores (laundry, trash, empty dishwasher) that we set at a regular interval and me the roam around and clean stuff up chores. He can focus on concrete stuff that he knows when it’s done and I can tidy stuff that ends up driving me crazy.
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u/nonamenopassword Oct 28 '25
Does your husband actually do them? I have this problem as well with mine and after years of working on this he still just thinks my standards are "too high". I gave him the bathrooms to clean weekly and do you want to guess how long it's been now 😬 don't look in the toilets 🙄
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u/Even-Supermarket-806 Oct 29 '25
He does. We also met in college so it is helpful we started out as adults together. Also we have a cleaner every 2 weeks- this was a compromise for us and we prioritized affording it.
Tbh he is great daily dinner clean up and big house projects (coordinating roof repair etc) but that combo works for us. He also does more childcare than most men!
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u/Proper_Cat980 Oct 27 '25
Right, like, is he working a 16 hour evening shift? What is he doing outside of sleep and work?
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u/Serious_Escape_5438 Oct 27 '25
You're right but life isn't always as it should be, and knowing this doesn't make it miraculously resolved.
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u/kbc87 Oct 27 '25
Which is why they need to sit down and discuss this together. It should not just be one parent juggling all the balls in the air and having to tell the other one which ones they need help with everyday.
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u/Serious_Escape_5438 Oct 27 '25
Well yes that was what I assumed she meant by guidance, that they'd talk and she'd tell him what she struggles most with and what would be most helpful to her. Yes he should just know but if he doesn't she needs to tell him.
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u/angelicah89 Oct 27 '25
I work more than full time and I think key is stop caring if you have it all together! The laundry is never folded, the house is dust bunny central, the lawn desperately needs to be mowed ... but kiddo is happy, healthy, fed, and fun!
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u/Diligent_Nerve_6922 Oct 27 '25
I think your husband could meal prep before he goes to work in the evening and leave you specific instructions for finishing the meal off. He could also take over the meal planning entirely. Sounds like you two might be doing shifts so if you sit down and have a talk about how to make each others lives easier during your “shifts”, that could help a lot!
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u/rhiannonell Oct 27 '25
Totally agree! Meal prepping together could save you both a ton of stress. Maybe try a weekly planning session where you both lay out meals and shopping lists? Just having that plan can make things feel way more manageable.
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u/sweatermaster Oct 27 '25
Yep this is how it works in our house. My husband also works evenings and he meal preps dinner most of the week. Then I just have to cook it.
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u/cheeto2keto Oct 27 '25
Lucky to have a equal partner for my spouse. The main things that help us keep our sanity and the household running smoothly:
1. Meal plan Saturday
2. Grocery shopping Sunday
3. Costco run every 3-4 weeks for staples
4. One load of laundry each day, more on the weekend to wash towels & sheets
5. Look at family calendar each night and lay any special clothes/items out for school and next day activities/sports.
6. Keep extra laundry bag in each kids closet for clothes that don’t fit anymore. Keep a box in the basement for shoes. Once it’s full it gets handed down or donated.
7. Teach them how to do basic age appropriate things like tidy their rooms, clean the kitchen table, clear dishes, empty dishwasher, clean sink in the bathroom, wipe up floor spills, accidents. We tell them when everyone helps it makes the work faster and easier.
8. Goes with #7: keep less stuff overall. Less to take care of means less to tidy up and more time for going outside/to the park.
9. If spouse is sick the other lets them rest (to expedite recovery!) and picks up the slack. We keep some freezer meals prepped to ease the load on those days.
10. Talk to each other if we are feeling overwhelmed with anything or want to switch anything up. My spouse prefers dishes and I prefer laundry. My oldest kid likes running the vacuum and my youngest likes clearing the table and loading the dishwasher. Keeping the lines of communication open has resulted in a much calmer household because we all feel supported.
Bonus tip: if we are all sick we go into survival mode: grocery and food delivery, live in PJs, cleaning and laundry to keep germs contained, and catch up on non-critical stuff once we are feeing better.
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u/rose-coloredcontacts Oct 27 '25
If you can afford it, outsource as much as you can. We’ve got housecleaners come every other week, and I pay another mom to pick up, wash/dry/fold, deliver all our laundry every other week.
I do grocery delivery via Walmart. My husband cooks. We both work full time and have opposite schedules. It’s still overwhelming sometimes but feels more manageable this way.
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u/MamaTunes18 Oct 29 '25
Yesssss to house cleaners. We have one every other week too so just do minimal clean up on a daily basis. Saves so much time and really isn’t overly expensive
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u/goatywizard Oct 27 '25
- Clean constantly. Not really a hack, just a necessity IMO. Just for a few minutes here and there as you see a task needs doing to avoid things getting out of control. My husband thinks I’m crazy picking up toys in the middle of the day but I like to see a clean(er) floor and it reduces the lift later when more are inevitably added to the mix. I try to remind myself that it’ll only take a minute or two to do a certain task so just get up and do it.
If that’s too much, you can also set a timer and say you’re going to clean for 15 or 20 minutes and just get whatever you can done. I’ve also heard people assigning tasks to specific days - like doing all laundry on a specific day instead of trying to do a little bit each day.
Agree on task management. My husband cleans frequently, particularly the kitchen/dishes/trash removal while I’m more responsible for bathrooms/laundry/general tidying, so it doesn’t fall on one person. Perhaps a list of daily vs weekly vs monthly household tasks, and who the primary person to complete the task is, could help you and your husband be more aligned on keeping up with household duties.
Outsourcing. I know we all can’t afford housekeepers etc but I do get grocery delivery most of the time, which is a huge time saver. One less trip out AND saves me the impulse buys!
Meal prep/planning. Ok, I suck at this. I’m currently on maternity leave for 6 months with my second and my goal is to get better about cooking before I go back to work. If someone cooks a dinner, it’s my husband, but he works a few evenings per week. I’m ok with making eggs or quesadillas or something small, but I have no desire or drive to cook dinner. I’m currently compiling EASY recipes, largely that can be made with a crock pot or air fryer, to allow to have healthier options.
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u/Redditeka Oct 27 '25
Laundry every day (we have 3 kids)! Smaller loads are so much less stressful for me so if I miss even one day I get anxious.
I’m ruthless about purging stuff. Everything in the house must have a “home.” If I can’t tell you immediately where it goes, it’s out!
Lots of butter noodles.
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u/Bubbly-Bathroom-1523 Oct 27 '25
When exactly do you do laundry?
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u/Redditeka Oct 27 '25
I work from home, so I usually throw the dirties in in the morning, then switch it over when I’m back from drop-off, then fold during a break or after kids are down. Then put it away during bedtime or next morning.
So it kinda feels like a constant state of laundering but for me that feels better than facing a giant pile!
The part I despise most is putting it away in drawers/closets. Which is why I insist on getting rid of clothes as soon as the drawers start to feel crowded! Smaller loads also make me hate this part a little less.
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u/Bubbly-Bathroom-1523 Oct 27 '25
This is very helpful, thanks! I also work from home and need to just commit to the constant state of laundering rather than spending an hour plus doing it once per week.
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u/Nowmetal Oct 27 '25
My husband also works nights and I am alone with my daughter 4 days a week. She goes to daycare 2 days a week and home while I work the rest of the time. I don’t know if I have it together, but I feel ok. This is what I think helps me:
- Allowing the house to be messy. I let dishes sit. I ask my husband to do the dishes when he gets home. And my laundry is in a perpetual state of needing to be folded.
- Always get out of the house. This is a big one to make sure my kid gets some energy out. When it’s nice out we go to the park. But I’m in WA so that won’t happen for a while. Now we typically go walk around target. She plays with the toys there for a half hour and we walk around the whole store.
- I see my friends often. Almost every Friday night I go to my best friend’s house to hang out. I often go more than just that. But Friday nights my husband is on baby duty and I’m out until late at night.
- I HATE cooking. So I actually just started hello fresh. I did it for a while a couple years ago. It helps cut down on going out to eat.
- My husband helps a lot. And I am really clear with him about what I need. Communication is key! Your husband needs to be aware of how you feel and what you need.
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u/MsCardeno Oct 27 '25 edited Oct 27 '25
I work full time and have things handled fairly well with two kids 5 and 1.
We make a lot of money. That’s our biggest hack. Weekly cleanings are a must if you can swing it - I only mention it bc you mention you have lots of privilege, otherwise I try not to suggest it.
We also pay for all conveniences. Skip the line? Yes. Closer parking? Yes. Extra seat for the baby on the plane? No question. Lawn people and snow people are paid for. Need to Uber to work for a few days bc car is in the shop? Good bye $600. We go to the far more expensive grocery store bc it’s closer. I will often have groceries delivered overnight to make packing lunch easier. We are trying to find a personal chef/meal prepper bc we will hire them when we find them.
But truly the reason I feel I can handle it all is bc my spouse is in it 50/50 with me. We’re both finding these solutions for our family.
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u/elegantdoozy Oct 27 '25 edited Oct 27 '25
Setting aside the bit about your husband as others have addressed it…
- Laundry: IMO the “one load of laundry a day” approach is a scam. That’s a recipe for feeling like it’s never ending and you never have it together! We have a laundry schedule — husband’s laundry is washed on Fridays, mine and baby’s on Saturdays, sheets and towels on Sundays.
- Meals: We have a sort of loose rotation of meal categories. Pasta once a week, pizza once a week, Mexican once a week, etc. Then within that we (I) pick recipes every week, with a mix of old favorites and new things to try. Groceries are ordered on Saturday night for Sunday morning pickup.
- Systems: I have everything organized to a degree that probably makes me look nuts to outsiders — labeled bins in the linen closet, labeled baskets for laundry, posted schedule in the laundry room, weekly menu and monthly calendar on the fridge with color coded markers for each family member — there are a million more examples, but the point is that every single thing has a system. It makes everything run smoothly and takes away some of the mental load because you’re not having to decide what to do with this or that thing every time you touch it. Also it makes it so much easier for our helpers (more on that in a sec)!
- Helpers/outsourcing: We’re very privileged to be able to outsource a lot of our housework: Cleaners weekly, a household assistant (she helps with everything from laundry to gift wrapping to vet appointments) twice a week, lawn maintenance, dog poop pickup, etc etc. That’s a massive privilege that I’m totally aware not everyone can afford, but even $100/wk for someone to help with the laundry can be a HUGE unlock for your productivity.
- Shared calendars, lists, etc: It can’t all live in your head. Everything I have to keep track of lives in some kind of shared environment with my husband and he’s responsible for adding to/keeping track of it as well. Little things like having us both logged into the same account on the Target app or our grocery store’s app are huuuge because we can both just add things as we think of them/notice they’re low throughout the week. We’re also both aware of everything going on schedule wise with us and our kiddo from our shared calendar.
I’m sure there are a bunch more things I do, but honestly I get a lot of ideas from organizing accounts on social media. That’s a super accessible place to start if you’re overwhelmed!
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u/biriwilg Oct 28 '25
What other kind of things does your household assistant do? And how did you find them?
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u/elegantdoozy Oct 28 '25
I found her on a local fb moms group! She has a recurring list for each of the days that she’s here, plus occasional errands, then I add projects for her on top of that when she has time.
Her recurring list is things like changing sheets, folding/putting away laundry, swapping out towels at the end of the week, watering plants, restocking basics like tissues and TP, and doing the dishes. Errands are things like picking up prescriptions, dropping off donations, or taking returns to the UPS store. Bigger projects can be things like reorganizing the pantry, identifying contractors and getting quotes for a house project, managing a toy rotation, decorating for the holidays, or boxing up clothes the baby has outgrown. She really does it all! She even does babysitting, pet sitting, etc.
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u/biriwilg Oct 28 '25
Amazing! I think to myself often that I basically need another mom to handle the fiddly stuff, and this sounds like the way to do it. Thanks for the inspiration!
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u/elegantdoozy Oct 29 '25
Yes she’s been such a game changer!!! My husband and I joke that she’s like a third spouse lol.
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u/EagleEyezzzzz Oct 27 '25 edited Oct 27 '25
I have two kids, seven and two. My husband and I both work full-time in the office. I feel like I have things semi-together? Here are some hacks that work for me.
split work day timing with husband so I work 8-4:15 (working lunch) and he works 9-6. This means he’s mostly in charge of getting the kids ready and off to daycare and school, whereas I’m responsible for daycare and aftercare pick up and dinner prep.
double or triple every recipe and eat leftovers. Also we do pizza 1x per week and usually takeout another night too. So I only end up cooking ~2x per week, maybe 3x.
meal plan (not prep but just plan) on Sunday, buy all necessary groceries for the meals, and write out a meal plan on our chalkboard in the kitchen
use crockpot and instant pot when I can for ease of cooking
have enough clothes for the kids that we can do separate laundry loads for each of them, every 1-2 weeks. Same with husband and me, and household laundry. This eliminates the need to sort clothes. Dirty clothes go from hampers into separate bins in the laundry room. Clean clothes go straight from the dryer or drying rack into a laundry basket and back to their rooms. I find this to be the easiest and most efficient.
we try to spend at least part of one weekend day doing an activity altogether as a family, and the other weekend day catching up on chores around the house and yard.
Edit: like others have said, having a truly equitable spouse is the ultimate hack. My husband just looks around and sees what needs to be done (picking up clutter, unloading dishwasher, supervising/refereeing the kids, etc) and does it. Neither of us is perfect on this front, and we each have our own realms where we do more — but I’m NOT in charge of the house/family with him as the “helper”, we are true partners, and that makes all the difference!
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u/bigbird2003 Oct 27 '25
Husband and I are truly partners. We do not have it all together but I wouldn't be able to work full-time without a husband who does more than his fair share. I could not have married a useless man.
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u/autumn_daze3 Oct 27 '25
Lowering my expectations and not folding the toddler’s and baby’s clothes.
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u/iced_yellow Oct 27 '25
Sorry in advance for the essay... Our weekly food schedule is like this:
Thurs PM plan the following week's meals and put together a grocery list. I ask my husband for suggestions based on whatever is on sale that week (ex/ I'll tell him to pick a meal with chicken if chicken is on sale). I don't have a set rotation but I know that is useful for lots of folks--like every Monday is "meatless meal", Tuesday is tacos, etc. Or you could have like 3-4 weeks' worth of meals and then just rotate through like "okay this week we're doing Week 1 meals". I'm positive you can find these kinds of plans already put together online and just modify to your liking!
Fri PM we eat leftovers for dinner (or some kind of pantry/freezer meal). I place curbside pickup order at grocery store and delivery order for Costco (powered by Instacart). Our grocery store doesn't deliver otherwise I'd do that. And I don't have a standalone Instacart account, the Costco online ordering is just integrated with it.
Sat AM husband picks up groceries and Costco order arrives at some point.
Sat PM we go out for dinner
Sun AM/midday I chop ALL the vegetables we will need for the week's dinners and some raw veggies for snacking/packing lunches. I usually split the work with husband so it goes faster. Pre-prep like this means that as soon as I get home from daycare pickup during the week, I can just immediately start the actual COOKING rather than taking 15+ mins to cut veggies.
Sun PM - Thurs PM I cook dinner. My husband gets home way later than us so it doesn't work for our family to split the actual cooking bit. In your situation your husband could help with prep work/assembling stuff in the morning
Some people really thrive on meal prepping (like cooking big batches of meals/ingredients to mix and match on Sunday and reheating throughout the week) but I get bored of that and don't really want to spend all weekend cooking. I focus a lot on meals that take 30min or less--sheet pan meals, things I can toss in the crockpot in the morning, simple combos like protein/carb/veggie. If we have a more elaborate meal in the plan, we make that on Sunday nights. Our dinner leftovers go directly into containers for everyone to take for lunch the next day, toddler included. I fear the day that our family is large enough that we don't have substantial leftovers for lunches lmao
Laundry we just do whenever we notice it's full... actually the easiest/best time for me to do it is weeknights! Toss in the load as soon as we get home, set a timer to move to dryer, then husband and I fold together while watching TV after kiddo is in bed. Whenever we do it on weekends I feel trapped at home to avoid forgetting it in the washer.
We do all cleaning spread across the two days of the weekend but if I worked part time I'd probably spread throughout the week too. Like schedule Monday as vacuum day or whatever. Currently I make a list on the fridge and then husband and I just chip away at it throughout the weekend.
Our only "assigned" tasks are, during the week, I cook dinner and pack lunches & my husband does all the dishes. Otherwise we just take turns doing the stuff that needs done
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u/SunshineSeriesB Oct 27 '25
We have a 6y and 22mo old. I am also regularly overwhelmed but I seem to be doing ok. I think when you have littles, overwhelm is just a way of life. My husband is self-employed with a growing business and is out of the house like 6a-6p. I get the kids up, out the door to 2 drop offs, log in, WFH, get my 6yo off the bus at 4p, finish the day then get the younger one around 5p, come home and make dinner.
I meal plan and shop once a week - I find meals that are 30 mins or less and can fit our families pickiness. I do use homechef - before it was once every 3-6 weeks depending on the menu. Now it's closer to 1-2x/month (I got a new job with a good raise). I select meals that are 30 mins max and then I re-use those recipes and make variations. I am failing at feeding myself breakfast/lunch but my older one buys breakfast at school (her choice! She's not super hungry when she wakes up) and takes one of two types of lunches. I keep easy box staples (frozen chicken strips, sausage, chicken breast, boxed pasta roni, rice pilaf, frozen veg) on hand for when the day goes sideways.
For groceries, I've been using a lot of grocery pick up provided by the local grocery chain. I pick it up after AM drop off (it's near the daycare for my 22mo old) and put it away (mostly)before I log in for the day. With grocery pick up, it's $2? for orders under $120.00 and free for $120+
Laundry - I've learned this concept of "Laundry Day(s) from Dana K. White - you just keep processing laundry until you're done with what you have. I collect on the weekends and I try and wash it all through the weekend/monday/tuesday until we're done and I leave the machine empty until the next laundry day. It minimizes re-washing because if I have to do 1 load a day, i'm going to do that same load all week. I've also been trying REALLY HARD to fold it AS it leaves the dryer - it takes an extra 5 mins but then it's done! And for someone whose always been like "Oh, i'll fold it in front of the TV", with kids that never happens. It did when I was in my teens/earlier 20s but now at 35 with 2 kids? Nope. I get ONE hour in the evening on the couch and I'm relaxing - NOT folding TYVM.
Evenings - we divide and conquer evenings. Husband comes home and usually takes a shower immediately (dirty job) and then we eat dinner. He picks up dinner while I do bath, then we divide bed time -I do one and he does the other.
I've hired a cleaner once a month and will likely bump her to every 3 weeks in 2026.
Can your husband help more? If he works evenings, does he have mornings free? Can he prep for dinners (even chopping, marinating, seasoning stuff is so helpful!), do one load of laundry in the mornings (wash, dry, then fold the next morning when he puts in the next load?)?
Also - it's a lot of trial and error. I'm in the decluttering process (I don't have diagnosed ADHD, but with my mom and brother having it, my dad likely having autism, I've def got ADHD tendencies) and finding systems that WORK FOR YOU is key. And you'll need to try a few things before one might stick! And it's ok. You're not failing, you're learning!
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u/sharpiefairy666 Oct 27 '25
Always over-order or over-cook. Leftovers are key for lunches and lazy dinners. Frozen food is a friend.
Always pick up take out, do not get delivery. Food delivery these days is a great way to hemorrhage money with so many fees on top. I think you will find saving $20 by driving 10 min can add up over time!
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u/somekidssnackbitch Oct 27 '25
wait until your children are 5+ years old and can independently toilet, feed themselves a snack, help with chores, attend a playdate or sports practice solo, couple more years and they can stay home alone for 30+ minutes while you walk the dog around the block, can add their own items to the family calendar, etc.
that's it there are no other tips.
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u/thelensbetween Oct 27 '25
My husband does 95% of the cooking, and that’s for all meals, not just dinner. He also does the outdoor maintenance in the house. He also takes our son to his therapies twice a week in the afternoons.
We do the adult laundry every other week, all on the same day. This is a holdover from our apartment days when we’d go to the laundromat every other weekend and knock everything out in a few hours. We do our son’s laundry once a week. We wash dishes and load up the dishwasher as they’re used (that’s mostly my job). I wipe down the kitchen every evening after dinner. We go food shopping every weekend and bring our son with us. We’ve been doing this since he was about a year (he’s almost 4.5 now). I get our son ready for school and get him on the bus every morning, or take him to daycare when school is not in session. I take care of the bulk of the mental labor with planning and researching things, but my husband does a lot of the physical stuff – like I book the dentist appointment and he takes our son.
We also both maintain a regular exercise routine – him in the afternoons on non-therapy days, me early in the morning before work.
Our house is cluttered, the both bathrooms and the floors don’t get cleaned as often as they probably should, but that’s about the worst I can say about us.
So yeah, it sounds like your husband needs to step up. At the same time, 19 months is a tough age. Hang in there! It does get slightly better once they’re potty trained and more sturdy on their feet, haha.
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u/ShapeNo8800 Oct 27 '25
Utilize the evenings to prep as much as you can for the next day, clean as you go as much as you can, grocery pick up or delivery, and meal prepping save us so much time.
We can’t afford cleaners so staying on top of the cleaning as we go makes for the once/week clean so much quicker and easier. Kitchen is pretty much always clean (we stay on top of dishes as we go throughout the day and evening, run the dishwasher every night, and unload first thing in the morning so the sink is never full of dishes, and I wipe down the counters after every mealtime). Vacuum once on the weekends (wish I could get to this more but whatever) only mop as needed or once every other month honestly (we’re a no shoes household), I just pick up/wipe down the floors with a paper towel after meals wherever I see a mess, my family is pretty good about not getting food on the floor idk how with a 10 month old but he doesn’t spill too much), bathrooms once on the weekends, laundry I try and do 1-2 loads during the week but weekends are catch up time and I hang dry most things on hangers so I have less folding. Im big on “put it away, don’t just put it down” to alleviate the clutter but my husband is not this way, so once a week I pile up all of his crap and put it on his side of the bed so he can deal with it haha.
In the evenings, I make sure breakfast and lunches are either ready to go or easy to make. I’ll even make a box of Annie’s pasta or goodles and divide it up into meal prepped bowls for a few meals that I only have to microwave. Include some chicken and broccoli in the container and it’s a balanced easy meal for kids too.) For dinners, we do lots of easy meals (frozen veggies, baked chicken breasts, rice, pasta, taco bowls, baked potatoes, quesadillas, premade ravioli etc.) I am wasteful with foil, but it makes cleanup so much easier and faster.
I try and go to bed with a clean space/home so that the mornings aren’t so stressful. My evenings are busier than others and I don’t always relax immediately once the kids are down like other people might, but I only usually need to spend 30 min max doing the evening clean/tidy so I’ll put on my show or my podcast while I do it and then once I’m finished I’ll sit down to finish the show and go to bed.
I also wake up 30 min before the fam to get myself ready and feed the dog, unload the dishwasher, etc. that way once the kids are up my attention can be on them and we can get out of the door quickly.
Definitely no perfect way to do this but I find we can still enjoy the weekends a lot as a family and not be stuck cleaning at home too much on Saturday or Sunday! Wish I could work out more, that’s the big thing I’m bad about squeezing in, so if anyone has tips on that lmk please haha
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u/justlearning412 Oct 27 '25
He works 70 hours a week and I work 50 plus grad school. We do not have the money to outsource any labor and we cook all our own meals.
Cooking is divided evenly between members of the family: if there are two adults then each person should have to cook 3 days a week with one day for takeout or leftovers. I have a list in my notes app of our most common favorite dinners and just pick from that. IMPORTANT: If it’s your day to cook, then you own the kitchen for that day. If the dishwasher needs emptied, the counter needs cleaned, there are dishes sitting in the sink - that’s on YOU for the day. Every night the kitchen is cleaned and ready for the next morning or this doesn’t work hahahahah.
For laundry he takes it down and washes it and brings it back up and I put it away.
For cleaning we have a set time every other Sunday morning and we work together until everything is done. I have a list of tasks that get assigned down the line until all are completed. This includes vacuuming and mopping the floors, cleaning the sink and microwave, cleaning the bathroom, changing the sheets, watering plants, cleaning up the yard, sweeping the porches, shaking out rugs and blankets, and cleaning off dining and coffee tables.
We each have one night a week to go out alone and do our own thing - he goes to a bowling league and I go to yoga. We have a set curfew that both people agree to.
Smaller chores are all assigned as well: everything from taking out the garbage to refilling toilet paper stockage is assigned to a specific person.
Whenever we run out of something or an ingredient is needed for dinner it gets added to a master list in a groupchat. That way it’s not your job to make sure he has the ingredients he needs to cook dinner for example. If it’s not on the list it didn’t get purchased so now it’s his problem to figure out a different meal or run to the store etc.
Weekends we take turns sleeping in unless someone has to work.
This is the bare minimum in terms of labor management and anyone who thinks this is unfair is delusional, expect more from your man.
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u/amoreetutto Oct 27 '25
We have a couple assigned chores - I do laundry, hubby does dishes. That way there's no more ignoring it hoping the other one will deal with it.
We also hired a cleaning person who comes every other week so we don't lose our whole weekend to cleaning (which really used to mean we wouldn't really clean for like a month because we are always so busy!)
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u/Cutie-89 Oct 27 '25
I think meal planning is a must. We try to have one night when we plan meals for the week and make a grocery list of the ingredients we need to make all the meals. You can either order them online or choose a time that works for you to go get them. As for everyday chores, we do the dishes everyday and we try to do laundry every other day. As others have already mentioned, acknowledging that some things won’t be perfect takes some of the burden off. For us, our imperfect thing is putting away the clean laundry 😅 another one that might help is trying to do a daily 20 minute clean; set a timer for 20 minutes and tidy up a much as you can in that time. Maybe you can have a proper list of things that still need to be done and do them with hubby over the weekend
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u/Puzzled_Internet_717 mom of 3/adjunct professor Oct 27 '25
WFH part time (adjunct professor), homeschool, child care when I have live meetings.
At least one load of laundry a day (3 kids - oldest is 1st grade).
Meal plan by theme: Sunday - roast day (beef, chciken, or pork roasted with root veggies) Monday - something with rice Tuesday - re-create using Sun or Mon leftovers (also sports night) Wednesday - pasta night Thursday - breakfast for dinner Friday - pizza night Saturday- leftovers or dad'a choice
Lunches are mostly sandwiches, breakfast is cereal or something made ahead.
I only do grocery pick up, so once I have my meal plan down, I "shop" my freezer/pantry, then place my pick up order. In a pinch, husband picks up milk.
Play with times so they work for you, but kids get up at 7, make beds, eat breakfast, do their dish jobs (emptying dishwasher), etc. They start school at 8:30.
Lunch at about 12, dinner at 5:30. Kids bedtime is in bed (with a book) at 7:30.
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u/HeFlipsMyPens Oct 27 '25
I plan 2 meals for week days and make enough for 2 nights. M/W is meal A and T/Th is meal B. On Sunday hubs and I’ll prep whatever we can (chop veggies, cook meats, etc). That way when we get home at 5 all we have to do is generally a quick warm up so dinner is ready by 5:30 before the kids start to get hangry. Meals are generally simple and we rotate through favorites every couple weeks. I also work part time so I have Fridays off. I try to meal plan and grocery shop on Friday so I’m prepared for the weekend and following week.
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u/superevilmonkey666 Oct 27 '25
👋 I work full time and am a single mom (son 2year old). It is wild. I have these unreasonable standards for myself in every aspect. Work is corporate accounting, about 45 min commute each way. Making food is a constant battle, I prefer home made non processed food. Grocery shop once a week. I plan something simple in crock pot or instapot or airfryer. I have to make my kids lunch for daycare as well. He eats the same breakfast basically every day and weekends I make something more hands on. Laundry is not too hard. One load of tops, one bottoms, one kids clothes. Sheets every other week. The dishes are probably what overwhelms. They are constant. Pots, pans, inserts, Tupperware, cups, lunch containers. I have a dishwasher but the crockpot insert and instapot insert need hand washing. I mop and sweep on the weekend. Weekdays are only a quick sweep or spot cleaning. Bath is every other day. Every week in my notes app I have a meal checklist. Groceries and planned meals Another note of to do. • laundry • bathroom cleaning • mop • sweep • trash • fridge clean out • toy organization • put laundry away • counters • vacuum couches • dishes Some of these are daily some are weekly. But it helps to know I make the progress
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u/1carb_barffle Oct 27 '25
Just had our second and have a two year old loco coco. We have accepted having a messy house during the week and then do a giant clean and reset on Sundays before football. Sunday is like our favorite day and no one resents the other for not cleaning while they’re cleaning. It isn’t ideal, sometimes I’m over stimulated during the week, but it feels better than constant cleaning that gets annihilated by tornado toddler.
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u/1carb_barffle Oct 27 '25
I should note that we basically clean the kitchen every day and that’s it. The living room/toys may get a tidy but barely much!
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u/Nancyb23 Oct 28 '25
My house is messy majority of the week but I do try to spend maybe 10-20 minutes a day tidying things up. Then Saturday comes and I spend a few hours REALLY tidying. I only give my bathroom a good clean maybe once a month but I try to clean the toilet, sink, mirror once a week.
When putting laundry away I listen to a podcast so I can take my mind off the laundry.
I’d say my most useful “hack” is that in the morning I have about 15-20 minutes that I use to tidy up usually before anyone else is up. After I wash my face I put my moisturizer on and let it sit for 5-10 minutes to soak in, and then put on my sunscreen and give it another 5-10 minutes to soak in. So while I’m waiting for everything to soak in I usually spend 10 min cleaning up the kitchen and then the next 10 minutes picking up my 3 year olds toys from the living room.
I do not have it all together. My house is messy as we speak, the kitchen is messy and I’m surrounded by toys. I just try not to let it bother me and tidy up little bits at a time.
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u/maeath Oct 28 '25
Have some kind a routine around your weekly meals. For example, we do Friday night takeout. We do more elaborate meals Saturday and Sunday and keep it more simple during the week. Maybe Sunday do some meal prep or make something so that will have leftovers for Monday.
Keep a few frozen dinners in stock. Our examples are frozen dumplings, salmon burgers, and Italian sausage. Trader Joe's has good options, also we are foodies so we get ours at the local farmers market. These make easy meals (dumplings+rice, sausage in pasta, burgers+fried potatoes)
If you can afford it, get a nice meal kit delivery service. I got one of my favorite vegetarian recipes from a kit!
If your husband can't/won't cook dinner, give him food responsibility in another way. Maybe he is in charge of ordering and setting out the takeout. Maybe he is in charge of breakfast during the week (which could just be making coffee and setting out cereal). If he's still unwilling - you have a different problem on your hands.
Put on your favorite music while you cook or clean the kitchen
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u/South_Replacement_31 Oct 28 '25
I am a solo parent to a 11 month old and I own my own business. With that being said my hours in the morning are pretty flexible.
I meal prep for him once a week that last at least a week or more. It’s usually breakfast foods and quick dinners/ lunches. Having food ready to go for him makes it so I can do chores while he eats without worrying about having to cook on the spot. When I do cook meals for me/us during the week I make enough so it last 2-3 days.
I run the dishwasher daily and that cuts back on washing dishes.
I wash clothes weekly. At least 2-3 loads.
I bought a standing tower for him that I keep in the kitchen, he stands in it and watches me cook or clean the kitchen and it cuts down drastically on him crying because he wants me.
He’s bathed/showered and eaten dinner by 7/8pm daily.
I like to spend one weekend day at home where we don’t leave the house. We hang out and I get to clean and feel like I’m getting my life together.
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u/nonamenopassword Oct 28 '25
Girl you have a 19 month old. For me I only was JUST starting to find my footing at that age and it took some growing pains in my marriage too. Go easy on yourself ❤️ I also have some mental health struggles so I know it's a big adjustment even that far into momhood.
Make sure both you and your husband get an hour or two a week to just do whatever. Saturday we do something fun as a family. We split Sundays so we each get some alone time which really helped when we were in the thick of it. We also each get one morning to sleep in. We've now also included one evening as a "date" night to help the marriage aspect of it (even though we have no village and we just watch tv together)
For dinners I make a LOT of instapot/slowcooker/one pan meals. I meal plan once a week on my lunch break (I work full time) and i shop once. I do my laundry all in one day on the weekend (that's what works for me).
We have a non negotiable clean up every evening. One of us does bedtime, the other does the dishes and tidies up and feeds the cats.
I'm not going to lie, some of the housekeeping falls behind. I don't think my husband has done his house cleaning chores in over a month... I have to make a lot of exceptions to what my pre-kid standards were and I end up just doing it for him sometimes, but we are fed, we have stable jobs (for now) and are mentally happy. One day I'll have a spic and span bathroom again, but not today 😬
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u/prairiebud Oct 27 '25
Think of all of the chores that must happen daily for a smooth running: lunches, dishes washed, maybe a load of laundry started or folded, pets, etc. Then sit with cards and divide up between you and your husband. Maybe he can make sure any dishes are loaded or washed before he leaves so you only have to take care of dinner dishes and today's lunchbox. He can pack lunch and snacks for tomorrow before he leaves. You can load the laundry at night and he can dry and fold it the next day, etc.
It's a pain but getting those chores done each day (and letting go of the ones that are not for sure necessary until the weekend) helps a lot. Try and involve your little one or have them play near you while you do as many of them as you can before bedtime routine - then you can enjoy bedtime and maybe get to sleep at a decent hour.
Any thing you can do the night before as a favor to your future self: lay out tomorrow's outfit, have a meal plan or rotating weekly meals so you don't have to think, etc.
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u/Chile_Momma_38 Oct 27 '25
Get an instant pot and this Comfee brand multi-cooker that has a pasta setting. The instant pot I use to make dump meals/stews straight from frozen. The multi-cooker, I use for rice and plain pasta. This gives me free time to clean or do something else.
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u/Stargirl92 Oct 27 '25
My husband works nights a lot, so I get it. I do about a load of laundry every other day - my husband does his own. I do pickup a lot of groceries, but my husband and I take turns going into the store for things we want to pick out ourselves like meat and produce. We make our menu usually on Saturdays and shop Sunday/Monday. I assign a cleaning task to each day, and try to get through at least that one thing every night. I make to do lists in my phone every day and check off as I go. I also make to dos for things I just need reminders for (like “confirm dog daycare for Tuesday” on Monday)
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u/notaskindoctor working mom to 5 Oct 27 '25
My husband and I both work full time and we have 5 kids, youngest is 10 months.
Yes, I do 1-3 loads of laundry every day. I do not do order pick ups usually because we have had bad luck with produce so we usually shop on weekends and get a ton of stuff, then maybe once midweek if needed.
With just one toddler you should be able to take them to run errands as needed and so should your husband. If he’s causing more mess and trouble than helping, why is he still your husband?
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u/Proper_Cat980 Oct 27 '25
My husband works evenings (not overnight, like late afternoon to after dinner time) and is a full time dad when he’s home during the day. He takes care of baby (12m), handles daytime meals and often preps dinner, does laundry and dishes, etc.
Our house isn’t a five star hotel or anything but I have it semi-together because my husband fully holds it down while I’m at work.
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u/Proxyhere Oct 27 '25
I’ve spent most of my adult life feeling behind - like I’ve got to keep up with other adults, who manage work, health, life, family seemingly effortlessly. It even started to feel normal, feeling constantly inadequate.
Eventually I got sick of feeling like this and gave myself a year to ‘act’ like an adult. I tried so many things, even consulted some healthcare professionals! But they all only gaslit me and sent me off to my miserable life. I finally found help through some digital tools - I was obviously skeptical but I was ready to try anything. One helped a little so I looked further. Frankly finding the right tool was the hardest part. But once I did, I felt so powerful and literally free of years of pain feeling inadequate.
Now I LOVE hearing how put-together my lift is, because it reminds me of the journey I’ve been on and the s*** I conquered all by myself. :)
Ps. If any of you is also sick of it and is looking, I can only say don’t rely on google or ChatGPT because you can’t tell what’s safe/ credible. I eventually found this website that aggregates only credible solutions and helps you find one for your need (eg. focus/ stress management/ etc). Their interface is kinda clunky but you do get matched to the best-fit solutions. Check it out. It’s worth a shot!
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u/Cheap-Birthday-6725 Oct 27 '25
Daily laundry is crucial part of staying on top of it. I do it even when it’s a smaller load. Keeping the kids’ laundry separate from mine helps so much; not having to have 500 small piles for everyone’s clothes and different rooms and closets to put everything away at once is a huge help mentally.
Purging toys and not having too many makes cleaning up such much more manageable. Not having 400 little pieces to organize/put away is also a huge help mentally.
Do as much outside of the house as possible. As much as possible. This keeps your house tidy and tuckers out your little one. Libraries have little play areas, story time, community events regularly. Coffee shops where I will bring play-doh or butter slime and I have my coffee while they play and have a pastry keeps them occupied for literally an hour. Join a local movement class. We do MyGym and go to at least 4 classes a week!
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u/vermonter432 Oct 27 '25
idk if i have it together but doing my groceries almost exclusively through instacart has been a huge time saver
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u/broad-street-pump Oct 27 '25
I’m curious as to which parts are overwhelming you. Is it chores? Meal prep? Being home alone with your child in the evening? There’s a lot of advice people have given, but would love to know what parts are hard for you so I can answer more helpfully.
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u/pupperonipizza-pie Oct 27 '25
My partner is a partner. We have a 6 month old and I’d say we’re pretty close to thriving and it’s because we work together on managing the household and baby.
We have had to lower our expectations on things though. Lots of sheet pan meals, more Trader Joe’s frozen foods than pre-baby, and our house is in an “okay” state. It’s not dirty, but it’s not Instagram photo ready. We eat 75% healthy and unprocessed, and about 25% of other meals are boxed Mac and cheese and Costco pizza. Clean clothes will often sit in the laundry basket for several days. But all of that is totally okay with us. I prioritize exercise and sleep over a clean living room. Evaluate whether your expectations are perfectionism based.
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u/ana393 Oct 27 '25 edited Oct 27 '25
I don't know about having in together, but if I don't have my breakfasts and lunches packed up on Sunday for the week, it makes the whole week more stressful. We don't do meal prep for dinners for the week (although we should), but I'll spend less than an hour to make lunches and breakfasts and set out my clothes for the week. I don't want to have to make any choices in the morning. I even pack up my lunch bag and leave it in the fridge and leave my work bag and shoes by the door. I also get up 30min early to run. If I didn't , then I would never find time to do it. 30min isn't a lot of time, but it does the job.
I'd like to do more meal prep for dinners. I've been frustrated this month with making dinner after work. I'm just over it lol. . Finally bought crockpot last week. My husband and I each cook 3 days(1 day is leftovers), so Monday, Tuesday, and Friday are my nights. I assembled chili stuff and it's in a bag in the fridge right now and the crock pot is on the counter(I leave the house at 530, so I don't start it before I leave or it would be cooking 12hrs). My husband works from home, so I asked him to dump the chili in the crockpot at noon on low so it can cook until we're all home at 530 and we can walk in and immediately have dinner. The chili has a fair number of veggies, so I'm calling it a one pot meal.
Anyway, so since your husband works evenings, maybe he can help get dinner started in a crockpot so it's ready when the family is ready?
Oh and grocery delivery is awesome. I don't know how we functioned before lol. We use Walmart plus and never go to the grocery store except for Costco once every 5-6weeks.
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u/Fluid-Village-ahaha 7M/5M. Working my by choice Oct 27 '25
Having older kids help to a degree. Not caring much about chaos. Splitting things. Meds. Having extras of things (life is easier if you have 2-3 sets of sheets, 15 pairs of kids underwear and pants or at least for more than a full week) - it’s over-consumerism but it eliminates the need for laundries each other day or so.
There is no magic trick but I’d start by picking one area each to 1. outsource (depending on needs and budget: deep clean/ grocery pickup / yard work… etc) 2. something to a spouse own e2e 3. something you give up/ ok to live with.
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u/jdkewl Oct 27 '25
When I decided to stop doing a big sit-down dinner every night, the next phase of life began. My kids are early risers, so we do bigger breakfasts-- especially now that they can help with the process. Dinners are always, always, always easy. Think: smoothies, breakfast for dinner (my kids are 9 and 6 and both still love pumpkin and spinach pancakes), pre-made batches of mac n cheese (or other things that are easily microwaved), rotisserie chicken, steam-in-bag veggies (like broccoli, green beans), sandwiches, etc. My kids have activities 3 out of 5 weeknights, so we do a LOT of smoothies since they're easy to take on the go and don't make a mess of my backseat.
For laundry, it doesn't help me to do a little bit at a time. I have one big laundry day once per week so I don't have to do multiple round of putting things away over 4 levels of living space throughout the week. I'm a single parent, so I don't have to deal with a man's laundry or chores. I do have a partner (not my kids' dad), but he is a grownup and handles himself.
I do Instacart for Costco orders and often get their prepared dinners which are a great value (love the taco kits, rotisserie chicken, tamales, bagged salads, etc). While it's not as cheap as couponing and making meals from scratch, it is significantly cheaper (and more nutritious) than takeout and meal kits.
When my kids were toddlers, I liked the Nurture Life meals. They were fully prepared and exposed the kids to a variety of textures and flavors, but packaged in a way that was very much for kids.
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u/ablinknown Oct 27 '25
I rely heavily on:
*Oven/grill/skillet-ready meals from grocery stores. My favorite grocery store has these family-sized packets of marinated chicken thighs that I just have to throw into the oven. If I’m feeling fancy I’ll rub some butter under the skin to make them come out even juicier. They’re cheap too! $1-$1.50 a pound. I also like this cleaned, preseasoned trout they have. Oven ready. They even come with dollops of garlic butter already stuffed inside. It’s not that much more expensive than buying just the fish.
*Authentic Chinese restaurants. The kind that will sell you cooked meats like duck and charsiu pork by the pound. Frozen dumplings, wontons, and buns by the pound. A+.
*For sides, it’s a lot of oven baked veggies, potato wedges that I cut myself, carrots, broccoli. Also lots of fruits.
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u/Crafty_Alternative00 Oct 27 '25
I have three weekly menus that i rotate through like clockwork. I got so sick of buying a jar of salsa only for it to sit in the fridge, half empty, for like a month. So for each week I came up with three different meals that use roughly the same ingredients, and those are the fresh meals for the week. The remainder are leftovers and a pizza on Friday nights.
My meal prep is on Sundays. I rarely cook on weeknights.
Our laundry is whenever I can fit a load in, so maybe 2-3x a week. As soon as my kids are old enough to reach into the top load washer, they will be doing their own clothes. If I could do it when I was 11, so can they.
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u/Pursuit_of_Health Oct 27 '25
What are the meals for your meal prep? How long does it take you to prep each Sunday?
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u/j_natron Oct 27 '25
We in no way have it semi-together, BUT one extremely minor thing we did is to get a 7-day whiteboard calendar and put it on the fridge to “plan” the week’s meals and make sure we have the grocery ingredients in advance. But honestly that’s mostly been to reduce our previous severe dependence on takeout.
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u/Beneficial-Remove693 Oct 27 '25
I have my life as together as it's going to get right now. Here are the things I have in place that actually make a difference.
A supportive spouse/co-parent. My husband travels a lot for work, but he still manages to pull his weight and take ownership of tasks WITHOUT me having to hold his hand through it. When I say ownership, I mean he completes things from beginning to end.
I take a few hours on one day during the weekend, usually Sunday, to go through calendars, make some checklists for the week, create some meal plans, grocery shop, and make sure I have a handle on the coming week. It only takes me 2 hours, usually.
I wake up an hour before I actually NEED to be up. I need to be up at 7 am because that's when my kid needs to be up. I prefer to actually wake up at 6 am, so I have an hour of me time before the day gets hectic. I use that time to work out, do some skincare, and generally get ready for the day in peace. I do NOT do chores or work during this time. Just me stuff. It makes a huge difference.
I go to bed early. No scrolling in bed. No games. I also don't tolerate a bunch of nighttime shenanigans from the kid. We have a solid bedtime routine that includes calm down time, snuggles, and relaxation. Lights out means just that. The kid is in bed for the night, barring illness or something like that.
We do at least 1 load of laundry per day - wash, dry, fold. The kiddo is old enough to do her own laundry now.
And that's the last thing. You have a 19 month old, so this seems far off right now, but the groundwork can be done now. Your child is capable of learning how to do things independently at a much younger age than you'd probably think. The key is understanding the concept of scaffolding. You start teaching them how to do things at a level that is just beyond their current skillset - and you support their learning. You slowly start removing the supports and eventually, they do it on their own - possibly with some positive reinforcement. By doing this, you are helping your child and yourself. You are laying the groundwork for a child who isn't a giant, helpless, whiny burden.
By age 2 - your child can walk and carry something at the same time. Guess what? They can be taught to put toys away when they are done using them. They can set their place at the table and clear it when done. They can put their shoes away and hang up their coat if they have a hook at their level. You can also start teaching how to get dressed, pull up/down pants, put on a coat, zip, button, tie laces. They won't get all of it at first, but the lessons can start around age 2.
None of these things require purchasing specific "organizational tools".
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u/shs0007 Oct 27 '25
My hacks?
1) Reduce the STUFF. Do weekly or monthly purges of clothes, trinkets, unused food, etc. until you feel like you can breathe. “Everything has a place and everything is in its place.”
2) Have two bins for kiddo stuff that is a) incoming or b) outgoing. Bought hats and gloves for the upcoming season? Incoming bin. Sweater is too small? Outgoing bin. A toy is unused and getting dusty? Outgoing bin. Once the outgoing bin is full, see #1.
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u/Purple_Love_797 Oct 27 '25
I just do stuff when it needs to be done. Laundry basket full? Run a load of laundry. Dishes in sink, do them. I find my house stays much cleaner, if I just do things as they come.
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u/Theluckygal Oct 27 '25 edited Oct 27 '25
- Read these books: Atomic habits; the power of habit; deep work
- house cleaning service
- yard work service
- buy prepared food when I can
- poplin app for laundry (if you are in usa)
- grocery shopping same day of the week, same time. I use ‘our groceries’ app for lists
- buy whatever you can on amazon so that you are not searching for stuff in stores
- meal prep on weekends (make in bulk rice, pasta, sides, salad) & eat same thing on particular day of the week (ex: chicken on monday, fish on tue, pizza on wed, etc)
- phone calendar alarms & reminders even for tasks like raking yard. Share with family & treat it as appointment
- handyman to fix small stuff around the house, organizers to setup your closet, garage, pantry so that everything has a place
- reset each rooms to original clean state before bedtime
- other family members helping out is non-negotiable. I will not pickup their tasks unless they are sick & will let dishes rot in sink
The secret is to create a daily, weekly, monthly & yearly routines & stick to them. And hire help for whatever services you can afford so that you dont have to do it all
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u/LG1118 Oct 27 '25
Husband also works evenings. We hired a house cleaner to come every two weeks, it's amazing. I also doing cooking on the weekends on nights when I can work from home. When I'm in the office we have leftovers since I have less time before bedtime.
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u/Current-Actuator-864 Oct 27 '25
Well we only have one kid so that makes things easier. But some things I can think of off the top of my head: we have a rhythm. My husband and i alternate who does bedtime and who does wake time. It’s a set schedule so we dont have to think about it. I plan the meals and make the list every Wednesday, he gets groceries every thursday. We clean the house once a month, he does the bathrooms, i do everything else. We make dinner before we pick up our son. We make the same food for him that we do for ourselves to avoid making two dinners. We eat leftovers for lunch the next day. Just sticking to this makes the days run well.
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u/Far_Deer7666 Oct 27 '25
This is going to sound very privilege but a game changer has been having all our meals during the week cooked for us.
There's a retired chef in my area who cooks and drops off all our meals.
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u/TalulaOblongata Oct 27 '25
1) Your husband should be just automatically doing things, not “helping” you. Laundry, dishes/kitchen clean up, making the beds, general tidying, taking the garbage out, vacuuming/sweeping… each of you pick 2-3 things or parts of tasks that you automatically do each day, or every other day, etc. No need to manage or report in, just things that mostly get done most days in a somewhat steady flow without discussion.
If you come home and beds are made, things are generally tidy, a load of laundry is cleaned and folded on the bed, and baby is fed you’re going to feel good, your husband leaves while you eat, put away the clean laundry, take out the garbage, do some kitchen clean up, etc. because the first half of chores were done for the day and you’re not playing catch up (as an example).
2) Trader Joe’s frozen section. A lifesaver.
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u/littlepaw_littlepaw Oct 27 '25
Hi, ADHD mom of 2 here! With a husband who also has a very high tolerance for visual clutter (literally doesn't bother him). For division of labor, what has worked for us is that we have certain tasks that ONLY we are responsible for. For instance, I hate dishes. HATE. So, I never do them. Now, do they get done every night? No, sometimes we have late nights or we prioritize watching a show. But most nights, yes. The important thing is that they're not a mental load for ME. Same with trash. I refuse to take it out bc of the mental load. I don't even give a shit if it's full - NOT MY JOB. Laundry is a headache and we both suck at it. I have a clean basket and a dirty basket for our kids. If things don't get folded for a week and put away, at least we know where they are (clean basket). We outsource deep cleaning twice a month. We outsource yard work. We divide who is in charge of dinner. So, I do 2 meals a week and he has to Come up with and execute 2 meals. One night is cereal, sandwich, leftover - whatever - everyone fend for themselves. If 1 of his 2 involves takeout bc he didn't get to plan it or is too tired to cook - so be it. But the mental load of dinner on the table 5 nights a week cannot be on one person. Divide the mental load & then truly, you have to not give a fuck about the outcome. Easy for a type B like me, less easy for a type A. Though I don't know many adhd people who are type A haha.
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u/littlepaw_littlepaw Oct 27 '25 edited Oct 27 '25
Hi, ADHD mom of 2 here! With a husband who also has a very high tolerance for visual clutter (literally doesn't bother him). For division of labor, what has worked for us is that we have certain tasks that ONLY we are responsible for. For instance, I hate dishes. HATE. So, I never do them. Now, do they get done every night? No, sometimes we have late nights or we prioritize watching a show. But most nights, yes. The important thing is that they're not a mental load for ME. Same with trash. I refuse to take it out bc of the mental load. I don't even give a shit if it's full - NOT MY JOB. Laundry is a headache and we both suck at it. I have a clean basket and a dirty basket for our kids. If things don't get folded for a week and put away, at least we know where they are (clean basket). We outsource deep cleaning twice a month. We outsource yard work. We divide who is in charge of dinner. So, I do 2 meals a week and he has to Come up with and execute 2 meals. One night is cereal, sandwich, leftover - whatever - everyone fend for themselves. If 1 of his 2 involves takeout bc he didn't get to plan it or is too tired to cook - so be it. But the mental load of dinner on the table 5 nights a week cannot be on one person. Divide the mental load & then truly, you have to not give a fuck about the outcome. Easy for a type B like me, less easy for a type A. Though I don't know many adhd people who are type A haha.
Also...medication lol. I do take adhd meds & they are truly crucial for my sanity & fatigue.
OH. One more thing that I am working on and it just happened so I am gonna include it. OUTSOURCE TO HIM. We got a daycare notification just now saying we need to bring more diapers and wipes tomorrow. I know I'm at capacity today. I just delegated to husband. "Hey, can you do this today? Bc I can't" instead of our default of making ourselves the...default.
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Oct 27 '25
I would not say i have it together, but I'm in a very similar spot (FTM to same aged kid, working full-time, trying to get evaluated for ADHD) and some things that helped me build a better routine the last couple of months
Turning the fridge into a command center. Family planner and an A3 whiteboard that gets updated weekly for groceries, important ToDos, events and appointments, and weekly menu.
Dinner: first of all, I'm very much of the position that having the same meal for dinner two nights in a row is perfectly acceptable. Also cold dinner (salad and sandwiches) is perfectly fine. Our daycare prepares all meals and snacks in house and have an amazing and varied menu, so our kid still gets enough variety.
We made a list with meals we enjoy and frequently cook anyways, then split it up by how much time they take to prepare. Anything that can be prepped in 10 min or under are weeknight dinners, the rest are meal prep dinners. We usually meal prep two meals on Sunday making 4 portions per meal. That way you have dinner (or lunch boxes) Sunday through Wednesday. Then we usually cook a weeknight dinner Wednesday and/or Thursday and again make extra so we have lunch or dinner for the next day. The rest of the time is either something ready made or most of the time salad and sandwiches.
We both work hybrid, so whoever works from home that day does one load of laundry, including hanging and folding and putting away the dried clothes.
The robot vacuum runs on a daily schedule and we go over high traffic areas with the stick vacuum once a day (we have a very furry dog)
One does bath+bedtime, the other does a basic reset, cleans up the kitchen, starts the dish washer, puts away toys, evening round with the dog etc.
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u/jeynga Oct 27 '25
Hey yay! Im also an adhd mom of 2, who works full time out of the house.
My number 1: my medication. I was 25 when I finally got diagnosed and medicated. 10 years later and I will never look back.
But realistically, I try to get one load of laundry in a day, and I have calendar reminders on my phone and physical notes on all the physical calendars I have around. Even though im medicated now, the constant list making and calendar planning never went away :)
I set days to meal plan, plan days to go the the grocery store and try my best to not stray because once the plan isn't followed it can just go to crap for the rest of the week.
For general house stuff, I use an App called "Sweepy" and its been a true game changer. I added my husband to our household and it schedules all the household chores for the day based on when they were last completed.
Ive also been making a really concerted effort to try to take care of myself more. I tend to really hyperfixate on what I need to do for the house, kids, work etc to the point where I dont take care of myself. Even basic needs (food, water, bathing, sleep) have gone unmet. I noticed this directly leads to the dreaded decision paralysis, which then makes everything worse. So yeah, self care and making sure im functioning properly.
My final bit is that I lean on my husband a lot when i need to. Im very transparent with him about the status of my brain and how im feeling, so hes always ready to jump in and help out (more than he already does - normally we have a 50/50 split for house and kid duties) when im starting to spiral or burn out.
Hopefully theres something in here that you find helpful!
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u/JenniJS79 Oct 27 '25
I wouldn’t ever say I have it together, but other people seem to think I do. I also have ADHD.
So, I do a weekly menu and grocery shop on Sundays. I would say about 50% of the time, I can order my groceries for pickup from one of the stores I visit (I generally visit two stores). I rarely do any additional shopping during the week, but I also have taken a few years to get to a place where I know what I need every week almost automatically, outside of the menu items. If my husband isn’t traveling, he cooks on my late nights with the kids (mine are 6 and 8, and some activities go until 7 or 8). I also work in nights with nothing planned so we can use up leftovers or have the occasional pizza night or whatever. Your husband could perhaps take care of dinner on the nights he’s home?
For laundry, I do max of two days a week. It means we have more clothes overall, but I’ve found what works for me and the kids.
For cleaning, the kids both have age appropriate chores, and my husband does some basic stuff. I take care of the more detailed stuff, and try to get a “deep clean” in monthly.
I also work part time, and have two regular volunteer commitments. My calendar is insane. But I make it work because this is what I want. My husband handles finances, but the remainder of the mental load is mine. Some days I feel so overwhelmed that I cry, other days I’m feeling great and things are fine. I honestly think the key is finding what works for you. I’ve tried and thrown out a few systems that just didn’t work at all.
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u/puppyduckydoo Oct 27 '25
We definitely don't have it fully together but what has helped us is a clear division of chores that is scheduled in each of our phones so there's no remembering and no reminding. He does dishes every day, I do a load of laundry every day, and otherwise we each have 1 chore a day, on a rotating 2 week schedule that mostly keeps the house clean. We have a helper once every 2 weeks for half a day that folds laundry and does some other punch-list items each visit. I also think there's value in splurging for a company to deep clean a couple times a year and ruthlessly purging shit to donate, sell, or trash.
We also eat out or use Costco pre-made meals way more than we should.
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u/drucifermc17 Oct 27 '25
Family of 3 here, both my husband and I work demanding/high stress jobs (his job involves regular travel) and we have a 3.5yr daughter, 1 dog (high energy breed), and 1 cat.
I think we have it semi-together in our household. Everyone gets fed, we are financially stable, and overall happy. The biggest "hack" is allowing things to not be perfect. Like, it's okay if we don't habitually clean, as long as the important things like the kitchen and bathrooms stay sanitized. Dust on the bookshelf? Whatever. Clean laundry piles in hampers instead of putting them away? Works great. Buying some prepackaged snacks/meals while my husband travels to make my life easier when he is gone? Bliss. Unfinished projects around the house or yard? Sweet, at least I have something to look forward to finishing one day.
In the beginning we were trying to do it all - endless engaging activities for our daughter, highly structured routines, be rockstars at work, keep a spotless house, become the epitome of health, lose weight... And all it did was create endless, unaccomplished goals that made us feel like shit about ourselves. Eliminating that burden actually freed up our mental space enough that we are starting to accomplish some of those goals now, which is a total ego boost.
I also have ADHD and tend to fall into the perfectionist trap that loves to consume my mind, so by no means am I trying to make this sound like an easy feat. It took a lot of therapy sessions to change my ways. Also, literally nothing got even remotely easy until my daughter turned 3, so you just gotta power through for a while.
Outside of changing my mindset, here are some things that have really helped:
I use my work calendar to manage my personal life. I hated trying to use a family calendar (physical and digital). Neither one of us was good at checking or updating it. I live in my calendar at work, and typically need that information on my work calendar anyways, so I just send invites to my personal email and my husband's.
When life is hard, buy prepackaged meals and snacks. Yes, it's more expensive, but the amount of stress it saves me is immeasurable. We typically are an ingredient only household and make most things from scratch, but when push comes to shove, there are no guilty feelings anymore.
Protect your time. Don't say yes to every get together, birthday party, or outing that you get invited to. On top of this, I like to take a personal day or two and stretch it into a 3-4 weekend once every 4-6 weeks if possible. It's such a nice reset. One day to couch rot, one day to hangout with friends and family, one day to tackle some things on the to-do list, and another day to prep for the upcoming week.
Teach your kid age appropriate chores from a young age. I was adamant that my daughter started picking up her own toys and helping me put her clothes away in the dresser from a very young age. Same goes for getting her ready in the morning -she is capable of doing most of it on her own. It was shitty for the first 6 months, but now it's a habit. 5th outfit change for the day? Fine, go ahead, but put your clothes you just took off away. You want to color? Sure, go crazy, but put the markers away before you breakout the 567 piece toy or game you want to play with.
This one is the most impactful for me personally, but everyone in the house gets 30 minutes once we get home from work/daycare for quiet chill time. I usually put the headphones on and close my eyes. I tend to bring work home with me, so I absolutely need this or I would be miserable to be around.
I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones that stick out to me. All this being said, none of this would be possible if my husband and I weren't on the same page. Neither one of us has to parent each other and we equally pull our weight in our relationship and as parents.
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u/Even-Supermarket-806 Oct 27 '25
I don’t run errands if I can help it- Amazon or target delivery. This is wasteful but without it my life falls apart!
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u/Desperate_Author_301 Oct 27 '25
Alright so this isn’t feasible for everyone but I have a washing machine with a delayed start timer in it. On Wednesday and Friday night I put the laundry in add the soap and set the timer to where the laundry is done when I wake up. Then I toss it in the dryer to finish up while my husband is still in the house (anxiety makes me scared the house will catch on fire). I also make wet rub recipes in bulk and freeze them. I pull them out to marinate meat, add to soup/rice/couscous. It’s been a life saver along with my sous vide. I sous vide what we have for supper and once that is done I sous vide another set of meat. Put it in the fridge so all I have to do is sear it the next night and warm it in a skillet.
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u/CaMaL590 Oct 27 '25
- Walmart deliver (not instacart- but maybe Kroger or similar is just as good!) instacart is expensive.
- Laundry - pick two days! My stuff doesn’t get folded but the kids do.
- Meals - make 2x for leftovers or even better 3x and freeze 1/3 of what you made (spaghetti, chili, pot pies etc). Be your on meal fairy!
- Add things automatically to Amazon or Walmart carts when you remember you need it. Don’t do Alexa lists, just takes longer.
- Eat the same thing everyday for work. I have a salad I like that you don’t have to cut anything for! Blueberry, pecan, tomato, blue cheese.
- Get rid of stuff. You become a slave to putting things away.
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u/MrsMitchBitch Oct 28 '25
Your husband lives in the house, right? He is a grown up? He should not need your guidance to help upkeep the house and family.
That said- we tidy up regularly/daily, do Aldi pickup for 98% of groceries, and meal plan for the week. My 6yo picks out her clothes the night before, which is something we’ve done for years.
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u/kbossdogmom 👧🏻🤰🏻 Oct 28 '25
You basically barely have a toddler which IMO is harder to “get things done” than when they are a little older. I had a 6 year old and 3 year old now who can sometimes self entertain or entertain each other or even help sometimes. Basically there are some weeks where everything piles up and we end up spending all of Sunday resetting. We try to limit any scheduled activities or parties that take us out of the house to only 1 day per weekend. We get grocery shopping done usually Sunday mornings or sometimes Saturday if we need to do something Sunday. We alternate cooking meals. We have emergency meals in the fridge because sometimes we just can’t. We do laundry only 1x per week now for the kids clothes but it was much more when they were smaller and messier.
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u/thalliumallium Oct 28 '25
I’m also alone with LO quite frequently. The days can be long! Routine: after-dinner “sunset” walks. Also daily baths and I sit by the tub and fold laundry and brush/floss my teeth while she’s in the bath (habit stacking). Hacks: my kid likes to help any time she sees me sweeping or vacuuming. What I view as “chores” are surprisingly exotic and fun for her. She also likes to watch the laundry go around and around! She loves doing “jobs”. Strategies: We don’t instacart, but we get a monthly cleaner to deep clean the kitchen/bathrooms and do the floors.
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u/punkass_book_jockey8 Oct 28 '25
This is me singing “this little light of mine” as a working mom having it semi together..
Me and my friends don’t ever have it together. We have it semi together, but never even mostly together. We’re set up to fail, it’s not possible to have it all together.
Find a way to have it together enough but not worry about the rest. My advice? I bribe my kids when they’re old enough. Earn stickers and cash them in for things. They only earn a sticker if I don’t have to remind and constantly help them. If they work together without fighting? They both get double stickers!
My kids always on time and dressed great and clean. My cars dash has every light blinking. It’s about balance!
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u/Own-Dragonfly17 Oct 28 '25
Also ADHD and I feel this so much. My kids are 5 and 15m and it's so freaking hard.
Regarding laundry- I actually found that having a designated laundry day was WAY better than trying to do a load every day. It sounds like it would be hard trying to do 3-4 loads in one day but I actually found it much easier because it's pretty much the only thing I do that day. Friday is the laundry day so on Thursday evening I sort everything. That way Friday I'm good to just load, start, swap every couple of hours. By EOD Friday it's all clean. It's not usually folded and put away until Sunday but I have a goal of trying to enorporate that into Friday eventually. But even if it does take me to Sunday night to put it away, I get a total vacation from laundry Monday-Thursday and it's worth it.
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u/Own-Dragonfly17 Oct 28 '25 edited Oct 28 '25
P.S I HIGHLY recommend you look up Dana K White on YouTube or her blog/books. She was a godsend for me. The laundry day thing came from her. I also vacuum every Monday and make sure I do the dishes every night before I go to bed (those also came from her). Haven't figured out all the other chores yet but I'm incorporating her advice/strategies slowly and they really do work for me.
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u/TasxMia Oct 28 '25 edited Oct 28 '25
Laundry every 2 days bc we’ll wash and dry one night and then fold the next night 😵💫
Meal prep on the weekend during nap time or at night when the kids go to sleep
Robot vacuum and wash bottles/dishes before I go to bed
Screen time before dinner so I can have time to eat, or after dinner so I can have time to clean up
Try to wake up before the kids (50/50 chance lol) to get ready and make coffee and breakfast
Costco delivery and a CSA box every other week.
Shower with the baby or toddler so I can actually have time to wash my hair
My husband does a lot though so ymmv, he’ll do bath time, cooks occasionally, takes care of the house/car maintenance, does toddler’s bedtime, puts baby down for half of the naps, takes care of the pets, cleans the showers and throws out the trash and diaper pails, plays with toddler constantly and takes him to the library/park/hiking, etc
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u/MysteriousWeb8609 Oct 28 '25
Adhdwomen is a good sub worth checking out. For me... medication has been the game changer. I used to be absolutely smashed from a day at work that I was completely useless by the time I got home and stuff just kept piling up.
Laundry... we stopped sorting and started putting everything in together. It goes in the wash, then the dryer them piled on the couch. 23 month old will now 'help' me rather than unfold so much but also i just quickly sort into categories/drawers/locations and then fold one, put it away, fold one, put it away. That way if i get interrupted and have to pile it back in the basket i have at least done some of it. As we approach 2 the housework is getting a bit easier since the toddler wants to help more than destroy. Also he no longer wants to wear clothes which saves on laundry jks
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u/SylvanField Oct 28 '25
I batch cook my vegetables for the week. The main gets cooked, and I plate the veggies and nuke them before adding the main to the plate. Everyone picks one veggie to go on everyone’s plate each evening.
I do this because if veggies take more than two minutes…. I just don’t make veggies everyday.
Game changer for me was a washer with a delay end function. I toss a load in the washer in the morning, and set it to end about a half hour before I get home. Go straight downstairs and flip it to the dryer. Haven’t got a good system for folding and putting away, but the laundry is typically caught up from a cleanliness stand point. Sometimes we do family folding parties.
For parents with young kids, I keep a second laundry hamper in the closet and toss too small clothes into it as soon as I realize the child has outgrown something. Then I don’t wash it and put it back in their drawer. And all the outgrown clothes can be washed, folded and passed on or donated as a group rather than piece meal.
I also buy four pairs of identical mitts so that I have a higher chance of finding a pair in the morning. I also buy multiple identical water bottles for kiddo. Stops the “but I wanted the ELSA one!!!” And means that they know what water bottle is theirs when we are out and about.
I also set reminders on my phone for five minutes after my work day ends. That’s usually when I’ve just sat down in my car and can review them.
I need to do a ruthless decluttering though. I am drowning in stuff, and not just moving stuff around would make it easier to maintain my home.
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u/minimal_mom321 Oct 28 '25
The list that I found The Daily 7 For a Highly Successful Household here is what has helped the most.
I don't do the laundry folding every day but just having the stuff clean has been life changing.
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u/scceberscoo Oct 28 '25
I have three tips which are dead simple and so boring:
Set routines and follow them no matter what. Unless you're gravely ill or traveling, the routine gets followed. We have a daily routine, a weekly routine (towels get washed on Wednesday, etc), and longer term routines (once a year we get the windows cleaned, etc) and sometimes I hate following it, but the benefit is that I never feel like I'm underwater.
Use a family GCal to track everyone's events (no matter how small) and far-out to dos (like if you know you need to replace your HVAC filter every 6 months, mark it on the calendar)
Get a magnetic white board and stick it to your fridge. At the beginning of the week, write down every non-routine, non-calendarized thing that you and your partner need to get done during the week, assign tasks, and use it to keep track. (We use this for random little things like "take stuff to Goodwill" or "mail Grandma's birthday card"
Finally, outsource stuff you just don't want to do, if you can. Instacart saves me loads of time. I also love my housekeeper who comes twice a month. Not having to physically shop for groceries and deep clean my house gives me back time I need to get other stuff done and also just allows me to spend more time enjoying my family.
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u/potato_purge4 Oct 28 '25
I work 8:30-4:30 and odd hours over the weekend. This is what I do (and it helps I have a VERY supportive husband):
• wake up and get ready. Husband gets our 2 year old ready for daycare.
• drive kid to daycare, drop off, work, pick up kid, come home.
• husband gets home before me and eats dinner. When I get home, he takes our kid so I can eat dinner. As my meal is cooking, I start laundry upstairs and bring a load down to fold.
• family time / go for a walk
• husband does our kid’s dinner from 6:40-7:15. During this time, I fold laundry, put it away, switch over the other load, and sweep/clean the living room and front hallway.
• I do my kid’s bath from 7:20-7:35 while he cleans the kitchen.
• nighttime routine—get our kid dressed, read to her, play for a few minutes, brush teeth, and lights out around 7:45.
• since everything was cleaned in the main spaces earlier, at this point, we can focus on getting our schoolwork done (we’re both in school) and relaxing.
I don’t clean bathrooms or bedrooms during the week besides a basic “pick up clothes and put things away.” On Saturdays, I will vacuum, clean bathrooms, and mop. This only takes me about 1.5-2 hours because I don’t have to do laundry or dishes because we did them throughout the week.
The big takeaways: divide and conquer tasks, and choose 1-2 tasks that gets done daily. Try to choose tasks that could “stack up” if left for the weekends.
Also, I didn’t have this system “down” perfectly until recently. 19m is still so young! You’ll find your system and get in your groove soon ❤️
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u/waywardponderer Oct 28 '25
Feeling like I have it together comes and goes in waves - nothing stays the same in parenthood (3 and 1.5 year old boys). Some things that continue to work: I have a grocery document on my phone with a few recipes we like along with the list of perishables each one needs, so it's easy to move them to the regular shopping list when needed. Tidying after the kids fall asleep, making lunches the night before. Give yourself grace : ).
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u/FrannyCastle Oct 28 '25
I’ve been told I make it look easy working full time with two kids and a dog. I’m glad it seems that way bc it actually isn’t easy! Some things that worked for us when our girls were little: -weekly meal planning with one big weekly shop -hiring a housecleaner -find the chore you each hate and then take it over for each other. I hated bath time but my husband loved it, so he did it. He has a very sensitive sense of smell with a robust gag reflex, so I deal with smelly stuff (diapers, compost, etc).
And one thing that has made my life infinitely better is a partner who does a lot. It’s not equal, but it certainly helps.
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u/HardSign99 Oct 28 '25
Mom of 20 month old. Some hacks
- Target pickup and delivery orders. They make it easy to reorder from past orders.
- Snack drawer in the fridge that stays full. Cheese sticks, yogurts, avocado.
- Backlog of frozen foods for dinner in a pinch. We like the readymade kids stuff from Fresh Direct (we’re east coast)
- Laundry on Sundays.
- Meal delivery. We did this for 2 months and it was great during busy season at work. I don’t want to eat microwaveable slop every night and desperately missed salads, but it was good for what we needed.
- Facebook marketplace for decluttering. List anything for free and it will get picked up. Old baby clothes. Adult clothes. Decor. Crap. You name it. They come to you.
- Shared Google calendar where we put kid and family events.
- Doing things far ahead of time knowing it will take 3x as long with a kid to do. This means Christmas shopping. Gift wrapping. Halloween costume. Birthday goodie bags. Everything is done 3 months before, in tiny incremental steps.
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u/fuzzy_socks323 Oct 28 '25
As many have said, I don’t believe anyone truly “has it together”. I was (and still am) very type A before kids. Everything had to have a routine and has to be set in its place. That being said, there was no system when I had my twins and I’ve listed what I learned over the last 4 years.
Online ordering for groceries. One of us is tasked with ordering the groceries for the week and cooking. We rotate through the same meals which makes grocery shopping easier. We eat the same things every month but it means saving money and not eating ultra processed food every day. We also always keep ingredients to make quesadillas or ham sandwiches in the event we’re too tired to actually cook a meal. It saves us money by not ordering in. I tend to put the order in on Friday and pick up Sunday morning. I really like to just enjoy my Saturdays.
Batch cooking on Sundays to prepare for the week. This was trial and error but once I found a few recipes my whole family liked, they’ve just become part of our monthly rotation. I found all my recipes on Tik Tok or YouTube.
We are very lucky to have a person clean our home every two weeks. This forces us to pick up the house as a family the day before and put everything in its place. Even before we hired her, we would set a date twice a month to clean the house.
Working remote one day a week (Friday). That’s when I do all of my laundry. It takes me all day but I don’t mind if it means I get to enjoy my Saturday.
Sending the kids to the grandparents house at least once a month. I’m blessed to have my parents live nearby so I use them for my husband and I to do date nights. My parents also love having them over and they take the kids out to eat or have activities ready to do with them (game nights, crafts, etc).
Asking for help when I need it. I know it sounds obvious but my husband sounds similar to how you're describing your husband. If I give him direction and a due date, he’ll do it. For example, he takes care of the garbage bins and all pest control, yard work and home improvements. If I have an event planned and I’ll need the yard, I ask him to have it ready for me by a certain date.
Hope this helps! Happy to share any recipes or other tips!
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u/MamaTunes18 Oct 29 '25
I work out in the morning before my daughter is even awake! My husband stays home with her and I usually get home within 15 minutes of her waking up. It allows me to get some energy out so I can focus and have a better attitude all around. It seriously sets me up for a better day. As for menus - we do one shopping day and go to 2 places to shop (target and produce stand), 3 max if there was something additional needed. And laundry…I focus on getting laundry washed and dried, not necessarily put away. We do what we can 🤷🏻♀️
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u/cokakatta Oct 29 '25
I thought your child was a 19yo male and you were navigating his college clothes and mess. LOL. Anyway, I think the toddler years are just so draining. OMG. Anyway, when you are working part time, is that when your husband is home?
Your husband should have an idea how to help without you having to mention it. I guess I'll just say some things that fell into place with my husband was that he would eventually clean the bathroom if I didn't. He also got the habit of loading and unloading the dishwasher. My husband also is great at dealing with breakfast, even though it's like cereal or toast. (I can't really give my husband guidance or make any requests, because he absolutely cannot listen to me.) I think it would be reasonable to have a partner take full responsibility for a couple of dinners a week.
Yes, I do laundry almost every day! And I only keep my kitchen clean daily. I loosely follow clean mama routine. I like the daily/weekly routines, which are free on her site. Instead of doing one room, she recommends more like one task in the whole house (like vacuuming, for example). I think that's great if I am an ADHD (inattentive type) person, because I only have to deal with one thing, not like hustle a lot figuring out the next move. I very rarely do anything beyond the daily unless it is a pressing need.
For the kiddo, I suggest to go outside as much as possible. There is less mess in the house then, and it can be very satisfying to have new experiences. i think it helps with some structure in the day.
For the food, my husband goes to Costco and buys some regulars, and I get a CSA vegetable share for part of the year. I go to the grocery store to get just a couple items. For example today we had costco prepared tacos and a quick salad with fresh csa veggies. I went to the grocery store to buy cat food and maxi pads, which is a little bit funny. Some ways I try to make dealing with food easier, is I prepare some things ahead of time, like a tray of fresh cut veggies for build your own bowl, to combine into salad, stir fry or pasta, etc. When my son was so little, I used to prepare my next day's dinner the night before when my son was in bed. For example if I wanted stir fry, I could cut and marinate some meat, wash and cut some veggies, and steam a little pot of rice. Then when I got home from work, I could just microwave the rice, and heat up the wok to quickly stir fry the veggies and meat. Sometimes it's nice to cook like 3 big dinners a week, and eat each one twice. Less dishes too! And get takeout for another day. Some restaurants near me do family meal deals, and sometimes I'll get those, avoiding the vegetable options, and will prepare my own CSA veggies to eat with that. I can get 3+ family meals out of it when combined with my veggies.
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u/marmar-7 Oct 29 '25
Little things:
- I don’t fold any laundry. I use bins or drawers or baskets, and hangers for a few things. My husband does like his things folded but he does his own laundry.
- Being aware of my energy level. Take advantage when I have energy (like after I’ve gone to a workout class), channel it into productivity. And when I’m tired, let myself rest. It balances out in the span of a week.
- Baskets and drawers to house clutter to be dealt with later. For example, a basket for all mail and papers.
- I’ve learned to buy less stuff! Less things, less to clean.
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u/CombinationHour4238 Oct 29 '25
I wouldn’t necessarily say I have it together; some days I do more than others. My only secret is I WFH. My job’s demands ebb & flow - somedays i’m in back to back meetings and other days, I clean up during the day, do laundry, take me time.
I will protect my WFH status at all costs!
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u/beezkneez331 Oct 29 '25
The only reasoj I am able to truly manage is because I work from home 100%. So I can run the laundry, pop meals in the oven/instant pot, run the dishwasher while I’m working.
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u/HumanForScale Oct 29 '25
I made an agreement with my husband about chores. I asked him "what task do you hate more than anything that you'd never do again if you didn't have to?". His was laundry. Mine was dishes. Now, I never have to do dishes, and he never has to do laundry. If it piles up, no grief, it's on the other person. We just do our best.
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u/IcyTip1696 Oct 29 '25
On the days you work can he prep dinner before he leaves for his shift so this way you just have to get home and heat it up? He can use this food to take to work with him too. This is what my husband does for us since I’m rushing home 5 night a week to do dinner, bath, and bed alone.
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u/Winnie_Official Oct 31 '25 edited Oct 31 '25
You’re definitely not alone; most of us are still trying to find a rhythm that feels sustainable, especially when you’re juggling work, ADHD, and everything home-related.
We've heard from so many parents who’ve said the same thing: “I keep trying new systems, but nothing sticks”. What helps is letting go of the idea that routines have to be perfect or daily. Start by creating small anchor points in the day instead, things like breakfast together, a quick kitchen reset after dinner, or folding laundry while listening to a podcast. It’s less about sticking to a strict schedule and more about building habits that feel doable even on the chaotic days.
It's great that you’re thinking about how to guide your husband to help more. It’s not always intuitive for partners when they’re not home as much, but communicating specific needs (“Could you handle bedtime cleanup on the nights you’re off?”) saves some mental load.
You sound like you’re doing a great job, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Having the self-awareness to ask these questions already puts you miles ahead ❤️
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u/Affectionate-Bar4960 Oct 27 '25
First of all, I don’t know that many/any of us feel like we have it together. I think the first step is acceptance that it’s never going to be perfect. Things got a lot better for me when I realized that some things are going to take the back burner. A few things: