Please help! Can’t lose any weight 😢😢😢

[u/Glum_Concentrate_883]

I really need help on what has been proven for effective and safe weight loss after kids and while nursing (and as fast as possible without being at all harmful).

I’m 42 with two kids about two years apart. My whole life I’ve been about 135 pounds (5’7’’) and a size 6 / medium and now I’m 200lb / an extra large /I believe size 10+.

My facial features are like hidden from the fat, I have a thick neck, fat fingers, thick arms and bat wings, no hour glass shape to speak of—more like an apple, a belly with an overhang like I’m still pregnant (belly fat is the unhealthiest area to have fat), thighs that stick together, a lumpy butt and thighs, a hump on the back of my neck like I’m the hunchback of notre dame…I went from what men I dated (mostly fit and handsome marathon runners, boxers, and soccer players) called hot to totally obesely hideous.

I have tried pretty hard to lose weight, but after one year having my kid, I’ve only lost 2 pounds (baseline being 10 days after delivering! A time where I was making no effort, was in bed and on the couch nonstop, eating ice cream and serotonin producing not-great foods and lots of eating out).

Since then I’ve switched to home cooked meals, kale omelette nearly every breakfast, salads nearly every lunch, balanced meals every night (for example, tonight was brown rice with meatballs and zucchini), lighter and less calorie heavy snacking, before lunches and dinners often having a powder that is high fiber, high protein, high superfoods, has a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, probiotics, and some essential fatty acids in about 10 ounces of water to help me feel full before my meals and increase my general health and energy.

I usually drink about 60 ounces of filtered water every day. I have usually one or two lattes with stevia and once in a while I’ll treat myself to a mocha without whipped cream and some cookies and pizza 1-2 times per week and a little organic red wine a few nights a week (4.5 ounces per day max) to prevent feelings of deprivation / giving up entirely.

I’ve tried different supplements, but they make little to no difference and there’s very little I can safely take while breast-feeding so I’ve given up on them, only the powder I mentioned above. They’re also loaded with heavy metals most of them, including the postnatal multivitamin I was taking (I can’t find one that has a clean test report…have you?).

I don’t count calories because those apps have never made it easy so I feel like I’m getting widely inaccurate numbers, and regardless —I’m eating pretty much the exact same as I did when I was 135lb, maybe a little more because breast-feeding has left me more hungry, but not insane amounts. Lowering calories right now lowers milk production so it’s not a good time either.

I am doing “baby-led weaning” so I’m only now feeding roughly every four hours but at night anytime my one-year-old wakes up he wants to feed on me to go back to bed. I think more than anything, it’s the disrupted sleep that has led to the hormones going crazy and just leaving me depleted, hungry, moody, unhappy, stressed, striving for energy and mental clarity constantly, and just in a constant state of disarray.

I’m almost certain I’m suffering from stuff like high cortisol. I’ve never been good at reducing my stress and I really suck at meditation (thus, kind of hate it).

I don’t want to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars out of pocket with these crazy high deductible plans just to get a couple of blood tests to check things out because anytime I’ve done that in the past, my results always came out clean/totally normal… and I did all the multiple thyroid, hypothyroid tests, all of that. And what if something is off, they’re just going to prescribe medication that I can’t safely take while nursing anyway, so frankly, I don’t see the point.

I have 65 pounds to lose and at the rate of 2 pounds per year, we’re talking 33 freaking years to get back to my normal weight when I see so many other moms (I’m not talking celebrities with trainers but every day women in my direct local circle) that got their bodies back within a couple of months. Some got them back like literally right after the baby came out. It’s baffling to me how someone dealing with all these hormones can be a twig with a round belly. Anyway, I can’t wait decades, this must go faster! Anytime it goes so slow I get so discouraged that I wanna quit and then I start slipping a little with sugar.

My body seems to want to hold onto every ounce of weight/fat during nursing or something. But I believe in “attachment parenting” and can’t ever imagine cutting off my kid and that special bonding for something as superficial as weight. But I also know at this weight it’s much more serious than just appearance.

My extra weight has led to back pain, pelvic pain, foot and knee pain, shoulder pain, not wanting to be seen in public or by my own husband, etc. I try to walk, but my injuries and aches only allow me to do so much. I’ve had a hip injury that’s been extremely stubborn and hasn’t gone away for almost 10 years now. Pretty much the only solution seems to be surgery, which I refuse to do at such a young age, it just causes so many problems, so long story short, I can’t do high impact stuff. I get really bored with gyms and stuff so for me, I need something like sports and it’s hard to find one that is not high impact. Especially when you’re competitive. Swimming is one but that’s one that makes you hungrier due to the temperature drop (that’s why walruses, whales, and other sea animals are thicker than animals like cheetahs and horses).

I fight sugar and caffeine cravings a lot, sometimes even nicotine. In the past, I relied on caffeine a lot for an energy and mood lift and sort of an appetite suppressant. Same with v@ping and supplements to help with sugar cravings and appetite control and metabolism boosts. I also detoxed a lot to help get rid of sugar cravings (stuff like coffee enemas and infrared sauna sessions) and I did a combination of water-only fasting and intermittent fasting, and I restricted carbs but I can’t do any of that while nursing. And I wonder, was it restricting carbs that has slowed down my metabolism? Is it bad to do that long-term?

And then there is the emotional element of eating which I am leaning more on because I’m often frustrated a lot from the lack of freedom and how hard it is to take care of two young kids, and ever since pregnancy started, but especially after, it has really taken a toll on my relationship with my husband. I’m just often very angry and on edge and moody, and feel lack of emotional support which makes me feel a void and resentful toward my husband. Having kids has also increased my anxiety, which has made me more controlling, striving for a sense of order, especially so my kids get enough rest, are developed well, etc.

And I also like a lot of flavor in my foods, I was raised in a culture that uses a lot of olive oil and a lot of salt and a lot of seasoning and to have bland food feels like a sort of joyless prison.

And every psychologist/ therapist I have ever seen has just utterly failed me, I find it such a waste of time, never any results. I don’t need anyone to talk to, I just need someone who can change negative thoughts and habits and after seeing maybe a dozen therapists over the years, it’s just impossible to find someone who can actually make a noticeable difference. I even tried hypnotherapy and trauma therapy (was abused as a kid) but nope, I’m in the same boat. I feel like all they do is drain your bank account and your time.

Anyway, if any of you have faced a similar situation or have suggestions on what may work in my circumstances, is proven safe during nursing, etc. please share.

Thank you lots!!

[u/mee_n]

Firstly, do I ever feel you - I gained 80 pounds with my first, lost 55 of it, and then gained 50 with my second!

Some women breast-feeding help them get their body back, for myself, the weight stuck to me like glue until I stopped bf’ing. My youngest is now almost 4, and I’ve just gotten back to my wedding weight - so all this to say, give yourself time!! I know it sucks, seeing a face and a body that you don’t recognize and that you want to fix it RIGHT NOW, but I told myself that this will take a lot longer than we think it will (having lost and gained lots of weight my entire life, I know this to be true). Setting this expectation really helped. I also listen to the half size me podcast, which also helped me first find my footing.

For myself, my body didn’t want to change at all until I stopped breast-feeding. Once I did at the year mark with my first, it’s when things started to go back to normal… Or at least I could do what I wanted to do with my body, and I wasn’t driven by raging hunger from breast-feeding. So give it some time and wait until you’re done!

[u/cosmatical]

First of all, 60oz of water a day is just below the low end of the recommended water intake for an adult. Try to up that a bit 💖

Second, I was only able to start losing weight after pregnancy weight gain, using a GLP-1. Before my pregnancy I had lost 60lbs on my own through diet and exercise. While pregnant I gained it all back, plus some. After I had my baby I couldnt lose any of it through diet, exercise, or 3 different oral weight loss medications. It wasnt until i started tirzepatide that the scale started going down. Don't discount how helpful medication can be when hormones are wreaking havoc on your body 💖

[u/Glad_Clerk_3303 → u/cosmatical]

Hi! Just started semaglutide. Were you able to get off the medication eventually or do you stay on?

[u/cosmatical → u/Glad_Clerk_3303]

I'm over 60lbs from my goal weight, so I'm still on it :)

However, the majority of people do need to stay on GLP-1s indefinitely to maintain their weight loss. It's just how the meds work 💖

[u/Glad_Clerk_3303 → u/cosmatical]

Thank you for this! I am 60 lbs over my regular weight after 2nd baby and the scale isn't budging. I kept 30 on after my first and now another 30. I am making lifestyle adjustments too but who knows.

[u/mlieghm]

It has taken me 5 years to get back to a more similar size. Please be patient with yourself. I know as the years keep going by, I will get back to an even better size. I just wish I could get the belly flab to go away. It does when I “suck in” my stomach, but it’s still there.

[u/sev1021]

It took me five years to get even close to my pre-baby weight. I couldn’t lose a single pound while breastfeeding and chose to stop doing it at two and a half years. It was so frustrating because I was very thin before becoming a mom and just like you, my friends all seemed to bounce back and my body just wouldn’t. Now I track my steps and aim to get at least 10k a day, I’ve dropped 40 pounds in the last year. I could not bring myself to do anything physically exerting while sleep deprived but you could try it and see how you feel. I also loosely track calories, and by that I mean I’ll strictly measure/weigh and track for a few days every now and then so I can get a handle on how much I’m actually eating. It’s less intense in my opinion and pretty effective.

Have patience with yourself, one day, soon, you’ll get enough sleep and your body back to yourself and you’ll start feeling like yourself again too. Right now you’re doing so much for your child and you should be proud of yourself.

[u/thearcherofstrata]

I get you. I became the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life after having my second child. But I lost 15 lbs in 2-3 months by cutting out added sugars and late night snacking. I can always tell when my weight gain is due to sugar because I gain the weight in my face, neck, and arms before anywhere else. Just cutting out sugary drinks helped. Once I reached like 1-2 weeks of no added sugars (this doesn’t include fruit or other naturally sweet foods), I didn’t crave sugar anymore. It’s kind of like tv, my kid wants more tv when he is exposed to it, but if he’s not, he doesn’t ask for it.

Another thing to note is that it IS possible to lose weight while breastfeeding (and I’m excluding people who have other health issues going on), but you do have to count calories, at least loosely. Weight loss depends on having a calorie deficit and the foods we consume usually have way more calories than we expect, even the healthy ones! If you are interested in doing this, it is much easier if you use those glass meal prep bowls that are a fixed size (16oz, 20oz, or whatever it may be), then that helps you to log the food and guesstimate how many calories it is. I lost 5 lbs in a month by doing this after having my first kid, but then I got pregnant with our second and stopped.

Not sure how many calories you need to eat to lose weight while simultaneously making enough milk for your baby? Google “calorie calculator while breastfeeding” or something similar and there is a website that a mama made. I used that to determine my calorie deficit.

This time around, I don’t have the energy to log all my food, but since I did it before, I do have a better idea of roughly much I’m eating since I don’t deviate with my diet too much. I just eat less. And again, abstaining from added sugars really does help! I think being sleep deprived made me crave sugar more than I realized. Sugar makes me bloated and fluffy. But in your case, my suspicion is that you are actually consuming more calories than you realize and not burning enough of them, especially since you are not nursing full time anymore.

I disagree with any advice saying you have to wait until you’re done breastfeeding. It is possible to do it and since your baby is not relying on you 100% for nutrients, it should be fine to cut back on calories, ESPECIALLY since you are eating such nutrient-dense foods. Smaller portions can definitely help. Another thing to note is that you may need to increase your protein intake- I noticed that you said you eat a lot of salads, but protein and fat are very important while breastfeeding AND to feel satiated. Also, instead of eating “light” snacks, I would aim to eat protein-rich snacks. Max out the calories you can have.

I hope this helps! I am aiming to lose another 20 lbs, so we’re in this together!!

[u/givebusterahand]

So I didn’t have quite as much to lose and I didn’t start my weight loss attempt until my youngest was 3 and I was about 25lbs heavier than I was before I had him.

The thing i have found that has helped me the most was intermittent fasting. I (usually) only eat between noon and 8pm. Cutting the breakfast and the late night snacks I think has helped a ton. I also started going for nightly walks for a while (which I’ve kinda stopped now tbh) and joined a gym where I go twice a week but I do pretty mild workouts. I started all this in the summer and have lost about 10-12lbs. I was always eating right before bed just because I “felt like a snack” and since cutting that out it’s shocking to realize how many pointless calories I was eating.

During the hours I do eat, I’m eating the same stuff I always did and not trying to “diet” or anything during that time- just not over do it either.

[u/NyaCanHazPuppy]

I do understand the emotional attachment of breast feeding. But like you said, carrying the extra weight has consequences. I’d encourage you to think a bit more about the pros and cons of weening and switching to formula or a frozen stash for kiddo.

Also, I didn’t see much about dad in this. Does he take the kiddos once or twice a week for you to get down time/away from the kids time?

If that (or a babysitter) can manage the kids 2 nights a week, I’d personally recommend taking a martial arts class, like Judo or kickboxing. Get the competitive edge fulfilled, get some good quality conditioning, build muscle (to burn calories more generally just existing), and learn a new skill of self defence.