[Vent] Not feeling great tbh

[u/Aromatic-Split685]

This is my third pride after accepting myself, and yet I feel like I’ve made no progress

3 years ago I was dreaming that by now I would be deep into HRT prepping for a surgery and starting to go on dates again

Instead I’m still here, still on the opposite side of the continent from where I want to be, still watching the days tick by where I’m becoming more and more masculine each time, still watching the amount of money I make go up in tiny increments rather than consistent income

I love Pride, it is a rare time where I feel safe and not alone, it is a time where I don’t feel the weight of the world on me because I see how many people just like me are going out to fight for people who aren’t as fortunate (like me)

But there’s this part of me that always aches when it comes back around knowing nothing has happened, any progress I’ve made has been negligible, it’s all just plans for a future that is in constant limbo

I hope that by the time it comes again next year I’ll be, if absolutely nothing else, getting ready to move, but as time moves forward it’s feeling less and less likely

I need a lot of therapy before I’m ready to have another romantic partner again, but at the same time I feel like having one would make all of this at least a little better…

Idk sometimes it’s nice to be able to lift myself up with one day my wounds will be nothing but faded scars and I will be happy and strong and content, but that’s kind of the thing… it’s all… will be… never is