r/talesfromtechsupport • u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work • Sep 02 '12

It's raining RAM, hallelujah!

This is long, but it's how I became a real BOFH.

Many moons ago, when I was a literal PFY (damn acne), my office decided to expand and bought a building across the street. As a wee PFY stuck doing a lot of desktop crap, I volunteered to help set up the new server room in the hopes of getting a better job (it worked). This meant I was making multiple trips across a four lane, two-way road, with a dolly.

At the time, there was no stop light or sign in the middle, where we were, but there were ones on either end of the block. Officially we were supposed to walk to the end of the block, wait for the light to change, cross, and walk back. Bitch, please!

I'm trundling back and forth with server parts, monitors, whatever, and delivering them to the brand new control center. Suddenly I see one of the windows BOFHs dead ass sprinting towards me, his arms filled with backup tapes. He's a big guy, used to be a linebacker in college, but well gone to seed now. This man does not run. Ron (not his real name) saunters at best.

"Ron, man, what's up?" I ask.

"BIP! Ditch that load and bring the dolly back!"

I don't question him, but it's here I notice something off... Ron's wet. "Should I get the bigger one?" I ask carefully. I was avoiding it because I was a 120lb kid at the time (god I miss that) and I couldn't muscle it loaded.

"Yes! Good thinking!" and he's gone.

I go bad to switch carts and my shoes (dress shoes to sneakers, finance company). This was very smart, as when I get back to the new building, there is a funny feel to the lobby. The guard waves me through and I get up to the server room... And it's wet.

All over.

Its raining in the damn server room and the real windows PFYs are just standing around. The servers were off the floor, but I quickly noticed they we still on, and shout, "I'm shutting them down!"

To this day I have no idea why the other guys stood there with their thumbs up their butts, but I turned the servers off and started hauling them out of the room. Even though I was the juniorest PFY, and not even a server admin at the time, I started bossing them around. "Herp, go find Manager and tell her what happened! Derp, take apart the racks, we can put them up back in the old building!"

By the time BOFH comes back, he is relieved to see people are doing things, and he and I start triage. This is dead, this is okay, etc etc. Since I'm half his size, Ron takes the servers back and forth across the street, leaving me to get maintenance to turn off the water (they didn't want to because they could only do it for the whole building). We turn off the water, and the manager finally shows up. She is thrilled we've got it under control, takes the status, and tells me what happened.

Upstairs is the cafeteria. And by upstairs, what I mean is directly above this room. And the morons cut the water line. She goes on to say that my call to shut the water off is probably going to save us millions, shook my hand, and then said she was drafting me. She said she'd email everyone what was up, and tell my boss. Oh and I'll get double OT.

Once the water was off, we were able to clean up and save most of the servers. Seven PM rolls around and we're still slogging away, when one of the Suits shows up.

"Why is the server still off?"

I'm seriously wet, trying to decide if this joker is screwing with me. "Which server?" I ask, stalling for time.

"The trade server!"

We labeled them all on the outside, so I take a quick look and see the trade server was, naturally, the one under the flow. "I'm sorry, that one was ruined. But Ron has his PFY restoring it from backup across the street. Should be done tonight, and we can process the trades." I gesture at the server.

Now we have a backup server that was actually doing the work, albeit slowly, and we didn't lose any trades. But the end of day processing, where we do 'night' work was dead.

"It's unplugged!" he shouts and starts to push past me.

I'm five foot nothing, a hundred twenty nothing. I jump up and hold up my hands, causing him to smack into them. "Sir! The sever is wet! You will electrocute yourself!" The power was also off, but let's not get into that. I forgot at the time.

"Shut up, girl! You don't know how important this is!"

Ron had sort of ignore this up until now, but I clearly heard him say WTF and he came over as I was explaining I did understand, but the server was not getting plugged back in.

Suit swatted my hands, and Ron, all 6'8" and over 200lbs of him, steps up. "Touch her, or call her girl, and I'll let you plug the server in," he snaps.

The absurdity of that sentence gave Suit pause, and Ron lays it the saga. "Well why didn't she say that the server got wet?" complains the suit. We both stared at him as he ranted that I didn't tell him the servers were went, and he storms off.

We finally get it all cleaned up, I get home around one, with a 'take the day off' credit, so it's a while before I think to check my work email. When I do, I have a note to call HR. Suit complained. I forward the message to Ron and his manager, as well as mine, and say I want Ron there in the meeting. When I roll in to work, it's all over. Ron told his manager what happened, she went to HR, and Suit sent me a formal apology. Ron's manager got me transferred to her team and hired me as a real BOFH not six months later.

tl;dr Money still works when it's wet! So should electronics!

Edit: The sequel: aka why I hate Suit more

422 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

101 comments sorted by

73

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

Suit was an ass. Should have let him do himself in.

49

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 02 '12

He and I had another run in between this and when I switched to real BOFH work. He was even more of an ass, and yet he still works there.

He's a waste of humanity.

14

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

Sadly, these assclowns seem to do something that pleases the higher ups so they get away with shitting on everyone. Wish I knew what they did that was so special, I get a meeting if my tone isn't perfect.

12

u/kennerly Sep 02 '12

He makes money and is good at his job. Personality aside, it's why he's still employed.

9

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 03 '12

Sadly, he's actually good at what he does. And he gives a crap about doing it well. It's the rest of the world that can screw itself, in his opinion, and he treats us like slaves.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

If its any constellation, Out of this list :

You've found the subreddit where we post our amazing Tales From Tech Support, including but not limited to:

Incredible Feats of Networking Heroics;

Tech Troubleshooting Under the Direst Circumstances;

Unsolvable Problems Cracked by Sheer Genius and/or Pure Luck;

Moral Support after Having Dealt with Difficult Clients;

And of course, Stupid User Stories!

You scored a 4/5. That's a rank of SSS in my book.

3

u/rossryan Sep 02 '12

So, he has a bit of brown on the end of his nose.

5

u/kennerly Sep 02 '12

Some of these guys are genuinely good at what they do. There are always those that are incredibly stupid and you wonder how they ever got a job and then you realize they are the bosses son.

5

u/rossryan Sep 02 '12

Really? Because I would have thought that after those nude snaps of his made it onto the company website, he would have sought employment elsewhere (it helps that you have a copy of his resume on file).

1

u/X019 "I need Meraki to sign off on that config before you install it" Sep 04 '12

after those nude snaps of his made it onto the company website

lolwut

3

u/Mazo Sep 03 '12 edited Sep 05 '12

Sounds like you have another story to tell us! Care to share?

EDIT: OP DELIVERS!

5

u/rossryan Sep 02 '12

Indeed. A real BOFH would have not only let him plug it in, but also would have gotten his friends to help him (team effort, boys). The water line being cut would be because he / she was trying to hide some financial transactions from that holiday in Spain, and the backup tapes would either be swapped for blank ones or burned when they were run from one building to the next.

Still, good story.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

So I take it he got caught trying to hide the transactions he approved while in Spain. But then why would you do so, especially being that money leaves your account as soon as your bank/credit union gets the request for the money from the account; his plan wouln't have worked. I hate people like him.

25

u/PoliteSarcasticThing chmod -x chmod Sep 02 '12

Best story I've read in a long time. Well done.

12

u/ec1548270af09e005244 Sep 02 '12

Hear hear!

Would it be wrong to ask for more tales, if you've got them?

25

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 02 '12

I have more. Actually, Suit has a sequel from about two months after this incident.... He called me a fu--ing c--t. Good times.

30

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

You're allowed to swear on Reddit, we don't care.

Let yourself go~

5

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 03 '12

Yes, but the sidebar says to keep it down ;)

4

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

Bwa hahahahah
Tame for a SA, you mean :)

4

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 03 '12

Fucking is a great word, but I really dislike cunt. It's one of the few foul words I try to avoid.

9

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

Point :)

Although, to adopt a Reddit trope, I am an Australian, where the c-word is a term of endearment.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '12

I can just see two mothers in a park talking about their children.

"Aww, your little cunt is just too cute!"

3

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '12

Good thing I didn't have a coffee in my hand when I read that.
::splort:: would have happened!

1

u/adelle We applied the cortical electrodes Nov 18 '12

I'm an Australian and I can verify the authenticity of this.

2

u/Runazeeri Sep 03 '12

We also use it in Nz that way

1

u/tacoz3cho fucking Time Wizard Sep 03 '12

Well, i agree with your first point - but i kinda like the second bit as well.

Probably because i'm male - d'ya know what? I'll leave now. :(

7

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 03 '12

As a woman and a lesbian it's just one of the few words I try not to use.

Besides, prefer pussy.

3

u/tacoz3cho fucking Time Wizard Sep 03 '12

My kind of woman! :D

Apart from the Lesbian thing - having said that, i'm open minded!

I feel like we may have gone off topic... if there ever was one

2

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

Reminds me of this.

As a friend of mine said, I'm a big fan. We all come from there and we want to get back as often as possible.

9

u/blueskin Bastard Operator From Pandora Sep 02 '12

Get posting. TFTS demands moar.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

Please, please post that.

2

u/pglc Sep 02 '12

indeed, a very good read

15

u/Geminii27 Making your job suck less Sep 02 '12

For a moment I thought Ron was going to tackle the suit and sit on him until he ran out of air.

10

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

[deleted]

7

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 02 '12

What he did next was worse. And as far as I know, he's still at the company. I didn't bother to check before I left.

7

u/EvilWooster Computer attention span adjuster Sep 02 '12

Trade server as a potential LART, love it.

I give it 5 'I have to share this planet with silly people like you'

16

u/zenazure Sep 02 '12

no idea what a bofh or a pfy is, but that was awesome.

20

u/Sabenya Sep 02 '12

PFY = Pimple-Faced Youth.

Been wondering what a BOFH is for some time now.

11

u/zenazure Sep 02 '12

all i come up with is bastard operator from hell. so if that's ture then i guess this must be too.

39

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 02 '12

It really saddens me that the youth of today know not of the BOFH.

Yes, bastard operator from hell. Go read it. If you like these sorts of stories, you will love Simon's stuff.

7

u/Jhaza Fluttershy4lief Sep 02 '12

Speaking as one of the youth of today (albeit not in anything related to IT), I was really confused by that terminology. The stories are fantastic, though, incredibly well worth the read.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

Speaking as one who is not a youth of today, i have never heard either term...

4

u/rossryan Sep 02 '12

It has been around on the internet for...almost a decade and a half today, with possibly earlier material.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

Good for it, doesn't change the fact thatI have never seen either term before. I've been on the net for that long on various forums and pages and sites and etc. never seen them. Sorry.

1

u/didact Sep 03 '12

Started on usenet. At some point the stories were published in a magazine and then The Sun bought them. Most of the archive is here: http://www.theregister.co.uk/odds/bofh/

It's one of those things you find after you reach the end of the internet. Good reading though.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

Is this like a British thing? I'll check the stories, but that would make sense then.

2

u/duke78 School IT dude Sep 03 '12

It is not a particular British thing. It is very well known among IT people and programmers and others that have read a little outside what they learned in school about computer. Other mandatory stuff for geeks is the Hacker Jargon Files.

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1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

It's been around longer than I've been a SA, or a PFY and that's coming up to 15 years now.
Furrfu, 15 years! I need a zimmer frame and a lawn. ::sigh::

2

u/blueskin Bastard Operator From Pandora Sep 02 '12

Don't worry, there is still hope. I know the BOFH and try to follow his example where possible.

2

u/rossryan Sep 02 '12

Indeed. I wish I could, but despite being a fair part Irish, I simply can't keep up with his lifestyle. There was a time, when I was younger...but now, not so much.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

If you have to define a term for so many redditors that come to a tech support specific sub-reddit, maybe you are over estimating its use?

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

[deleted]

25

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 02 '12

And now I am sad because you are lazy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastard_Operator_From_Hell

See? This is why tech support sucks these days, you don't even Google.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/thecoolsteve Sep 02 '12

I clicked my keyboard and nothing happened. My modem must be broken!

4

u/plasteredmaster Sep 02 '12

get yourself a lart...

7

u/blueskin Bastard Operator From Pandora Sep 02 '12

You've got a static imbalance. Insert a paperclip into the power socket your computer is plugged into.

3

u/rossryan Sep 02 '12

Hey, Google has been hurting for a while. Their search results are just terrible; they really need to stop indexing commerce / blog / spam sites.

1

u/blueskin Bastard Operator From Pandora Sep 02 '12

True enough.

1

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 03 '12

I'll give you that, but a search for BOFH delivers results.

3

u/jamie_ca Sep 02 '12

Hate to do it, but I'm on my phone.

Google BOFH, it's the first hit.

3

u/rossryan Sep 02 '12

You'll be wanting this link: http://bofh.ntk.net/BOFH/index.php

Basically, it's what IT would look like if we really were half as evil / malevolent as some of the users make us out to be.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

He called you "girl"? That raised the ire of my bofh tendencies. I am glad to see that your team supported you in that time of crisis.

Also glad you are on to better pastures.

(boy or girl, doesn't matter to me. Is your work good? Yes - I'll happily work with you. No - here's the window. Out you go.)

3

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Sep 03 '12

They weren't even my team yet. I'd been studying to get over there, in happy server land, but there wasn't an opening at the time. Part of why I offered to help haul gear was to get them used to seeing me, so that when I applied they would go "Oh yeah! Bip's awesome! She helps out any time she can."

It worked.

4

u/MagicBigfoot xyzzy Sep 02 '12

Wow, great story & well-written, too. A+++ would read again.

5

u/kivetros Sep 02 '12

You're fucking awesome and that was a great story. 10/10 would read again.

3

u/blueskin Bastard Operator From Pandora Sep 02 '12

Should have LARTed him.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

She and Ron almost did. LART by self infliction would have been a fantastic way to end him.

3

u/JoinRedditTheySaid PhD Wrangler Sep 05 '12

and Suit sent me a formal apology.

I felt almost sexually fulfilled when I read this.

5

u/Polite_Insults Sep 02 '12

What do the acroynms mean like OT and BOFH

11

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12 edited Mar 11 '25

[deleted]

3

u/Epistaxis power luser Sep 02 '12

Is there a hotline I can call?

5

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

Please refer to previous comment.

3

u/Epistaxis power luser Sep 02 '12

But my time is important and I need this yesterday!

8

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

[deleted]

2

u/Epistaxis power luser Sep 02 '12

That's more like it. After all, you enjoy giving support, right? So this is fun for you? Right?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

Maybe you missed the bit where I'm recovered.

I don't care about you, and I don't care about your issue. So why don't you go and try to suck a golf ball through a garden hose? KKTHX!

evil laughter echoing through the halls

3

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

I wasn't sure either but kind of assumed that it would be. The rules from ASR just made so much sense.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

That's true. This is reddit, after all.

2

u/Polite_Insults Sep 02 '12

Ah to be self employed. Who need acroynms.

3

u/plasteredmaster Sep 02 '12

you will know when you rise to the ranks of PFY...

2

u/blueskin Bastard Operator From Pandora Sep 02 '12

OT == overtime.

BOFH:

http://bofh.ntk.net/BOFH/index.php

http://www.theregister.co.uk/odds/bofh/

Get reading.

1

u/Polite_Insults Sep 02 '12

Oh. Operator being user?

2

u/blueskin Bastard Operator From Pandora Sep 02 '12

Punishing users.

3

u/Polite_Insults Sep 02 '12

The operator is punishing the users?

2

u/blueskin Bastard Operator From Pandora Sep 02 '12

Yes.

2

u/Polite_Insults Sep 02 '12

So according to your flair you punish users?

1

u/blueskin Bastard Operator From Pandora Sep 02 '12

Yes.

Representative BOFH story; one of my favourites:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/10/bofh_2006_episode_10/

1

u/Polite_Insults Sep 02 '12

So lying to users for gain?

2

u/rossryan Sep 02 '12

According to the fiction, that happens less than you might think. Remember, the BOFH is empowered to take matters into his own hands, so there is a good chance he will tell you exactly what is going to happen, then quietly climb into the lift, push the button for your floor, and make it happen.

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1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '12 edited Sep 02 '12

Please, don't forget reddit is international !

What do PFY and BOFH mean ?

edit :

BOFH : Bastard Operator from Hell

PFY : Pimply-Faced Youth

[edit²] very nice story !

3

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

jfgi

These are not geographically localised terms. Every SA should be required to know these contractions.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

No. "JFGI" is wrong. He wrote, he has to be clear.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

So, you are saying every tla has to be expanded? In a world entirely filled with jargon and acronyms?
Sorry but no.

If you have not yet learned how to use google when you come across something you don't understand, then you're in the wrong field.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

First, fuck off pedantic moron.

Second, I've googled it.

Third, it's not because you're used to some acronyms that everyone has to search to understand you. I like to understand, he wrote something, I asked him politely to correct it and then you come ditching shit around. Just go back to your pedantic circle where you inter-masturbate (sorry I-M) all of your jerks talking like 10 yo with two letters "words".

(and yes i'm french, yes it's probably engrish : donc va te faire enculer et me casse plus les couilles espèce de connard).

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '12

I wouldn't have said anything if yours was the only thread/comment asking about the acronyms, but it was the third. I'll cut you slack, and presume you didn't see the others.

Just checking to see how hard it was to find out the meaning for pfy and ,and you know what? The correct answers are both the first answer on google. Based on that, I'll stand by my comments.

Also, responding with your level of vitriol is not useful.

1

u/thevernabean The Javabean Oct 22 '12

Why do buttwad guys always call random women "girl." I have more knowledge in my left toe than you could muster up in a 4 year degree program dude. Piss off!

2

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Oct 22 '12

I was in my early 20s at that time, and looked maybe 16. I used to wish I looked older.

Now that I'm 15 years old, god I wish I looked that young!

1

u/thevernabean The Javabean Oct 22 '12

I know exactly how that is. I had the dreaded combination of being short and androgynous. It really sucked because any suggestions or answers I offered would automatically filter out of the ears of anyone I talked to. Which is really hard when you are trying for supervisor positions and no one takes you seriously because you look so young. Le sigh, and for some reason I still get a kid's cup every once in awhile when I go to restaurants too. T_T

1

u/bippyz Screaming Makes The Server Work Oct 23 '12

I have a relative who is 4'9" and she feels your pain.