r/stayathomemoms • u/Sea_Pomegranate4368 • 7d ago
Advice Wanting to take some time for myself
I’m from California. I moved to Utah with my husband and newborn in 2019. I’ve been a stay at home mom ever since. When I say I haven’t left the house besides errands and doctors visits I’m not lying. I tried to go to a movie by myself last month but had to leave mid movie cus my kid was having a meltdown and my husband needed my help at home. I want to cry while writing this but I want to drive to California this weekend for a couple days- by myself. Los Angeles to be exact. I miss it so much and I just want visit some places and have time for myself. My husband said it’s fine but I’m feeling so guilty. I’ve never left my son’s side since he was born but he’s 7 now almost 8 so he’s more independent. But I feel guilty for wanting to go somewhere without them. My husband has gone on numerous business trips. I feel it’s my turn. Please convince me I’m not a terrible mother for wanting a few days for myself in my hometown.
9
u/Proud-Fennel7961 7d ago
I have to be honest, I’d be pretty annoyed if my husband called me while I was at the movies because he couldn’t handle caring for any of our children, let alone our 8yo. My kids are 8, 6 and 2.5 (and pregnant with our fourth). I take at least two girls trips a year without my husband and kids. And I do so gladly. It’s usually just for a weekend and the perfect chance to relax, have some fun with my friends, and reset myself. I love my husband and children dearly but I also love myself and value my own mental wellbeing. Being a SAHM is hard and you deserve a break. Take the trip.
1
5
u/Any-Landscape-7330 7d ago
7yo is really not that young! I’m sorry but your husband should be able to handle it!
3
u/Ok-Material-2266 6d ago
I just went on my first weekend alone with some friends, and my little boy is almost 3. Your son is plenty old to be alone with dad!! There will be an adjustment period for them, but they will figure it out! You need to fill your cup.
2
u/Independent-Fig-4414 6d ago
I just flew out to a concert by myself (my first solo anything since having the baby 2 years ago) and I felt horrible with anxiety leading up to it. I got to the airport and found out my concert was rescheduled for weather (it was outdoors). I went anyway! And then I packed my anxiety up and went back for the rescheduled show a week later! It was really hard but now that I've done it I feel so much better. I know I can leave her and she's going to miss me but we're both gonna be fine 😊
2
u/Famous_Host8588 5d ago
You're not a terrible mother, My Mantra is my kids need a happy, and taken care of mom. How do I show them how to take care of themselves?
sending lots of love and I think we all here can feel you.
3
u/thisisntjasper 7d ago
Your husband does need to be able to care for your 7yo on his own. Go on your vacation and have fun! It doesn’t make you a terrible mother at all. Hopefully your husband will have a newfound appreciation for everything you do at home by the time you return.
2
u/Sea_Pomegranate4368 7d ago
Idk why I’m feeling so guilty
2
u/thisisntjasper 6d ago
I would assume it’s because you have most (if not all) of the childcare responsibilities and it feels like you’re not contributing to the household or that you’re doing your child a disservice by not being there for them 24/7. Realistically, the true disservice is having one parent that’s fully involved and one that doesn’t even know how to do a bedtime routine or can’t make the kids dinner. Your husband should have been able to watch his child for 3 hours while you were at the movies. If no one was bleeding and nothing was on fire then he really had no excuse to call you. He needs to step up. The guilt comes from knowing he isn’t as capable of a parent as you are and your kid is going to have a more hectic weekend if you’re not there. It’s okay! Your husband has to learn how to be alone with his kid.
1
1
u/Agile-Ad3454 6d ago edited 6d ago
Have a safe & fun trip mama..You need time to yourself, reboot and come back a happier mama. I understand Completely when u said u r so scared but used to be independent. That’s exactly why you should go. Don’t be like me 50 years old & full of anxiety whenever I leave the house now. The kids will be fine. If you don’t make yourself a priority it will train your husband and kids to not make you a priority either. I speak from experience. Also Remember our kids learn what happiness looks like from what we show them. Now that my children are older they tell me how I should’ve got out more, been more independent & should have done/should do for me. So you are not a terrible mom for wanting to have your time. ..Best wishes to you and your family
1
u/Signal_Chart_3343 6d ago
im sorry,this is insane ! He called you out of a movie to look after HIS 7 year old child? please please go on your trip and dont feel an ounce of guilt.Everything will be there for you when you get back,you need to care for yourself in order to be a good mum.You are not doing your child any favours by NOT taking time for yourself.You cant pour from an empty cup and you deserve and need time alone
1
u/Sea_Pomegranate4368 6d ago
I already canceled the trip
1
u/Signal_Chart_3343 6d ago
why?
1
1
u/Sea_Pomegranate4368 6d ago
I feel like I have no control over my life. My husband said it’s ok if I go but he’d rather me stay
1
u/Signal_Chart_3343 6d ago
well he shouldnt ! he should want you to go and enjoy yourself
1
u/Sea_Pomegranate4368 6d ago
Idk how this happened but the dynamic in our relationship is I do what he wants mostly because I don’t have an income or car I depend on him
1
1
u/Perfect_Weekend_888 4d ago
You’re not a terrible mother. Tell your husband to grow up and deal with meltdowns just like you do, then go on your trip.
2
u/DJBreezyD 2d ago
Parenting is a partnership. Absolutely take some time for yourself and go. What you do at home is work just as much as his job is. And if he doesn’t agree, then you DEFINITELY need to go so he can find out.
12
u/ricki7684 7d ago
You’re not a terrible mother. Do what you need to do for yourself so you can show up the way you want as a mother! Put your oxygen mask on first and have a great trip!